December 2006

This had music to it once.  I wrote it on my knees one night…partly inspired by Faith Enough by Jars of Clay…I was obsessing over paradoxes!

This peace disturbs

This silence screams

But if it brings me to my knees

This love, it kills

These thoughts confuse

Finally all of me I lose

This whisper disrupts

This grace alarms

But if it leaves me in Your arms

This is where I wanna be

Dwelling in Your irony

It’s alright, it’ll be okay

If with You, I will stay

The road is hard

The yoke is light

If You send fire by night

The unknown guides

The pain sets free

If You promise You won’t leave me

From rejection; trust

And beauty in tears

If You help me through my fears

This is where I wanna be

Dwelling in Your irony

It’s alright, it’ll be okay

If with You, I will stay

Though I may not understand

What’s going on, I’m in Your hand

So as I let You mess me up

I will simply try and learn to trust

Heheh

This thought popped into my head when I woke up.

I’ve been chuckling about it all morning.

Yeah, me and Siddhartha Gautama, we got a streak of irony in us, eh?

This one’s for the armchair philosophers out there, something I was contemplating mid-pie, Thanksgiving Day:

If you enjoy something ironically (say, an album by the Carpenters that you purchased on vinyl several years ago for a quarter and which has since given you countless perverse pleasures), and a dinner guest (say, your father-in-law) sincerely enjoys the exact same thing, is there anything wrong (for example, morally) if your personal enjoyment of the artifact in question involves (as it almost certainly must) the unstated judgment and devaluation of your guest’s aesthetic sensibilities?

In other words, should I feel bad if I quietly enjoy something for its kitsch value while a guest enjoys it un-ironically? Also, is it wrong for me to lie and say that I, too, sincerely enjoy said artifact? And if I announce that I really only like the artifact in question because I think it’s funny, and that, by extension, I find people who like such an artifact sincerely to be, in some sense, laughable, am I being rude, or just sincere? Even if I lie to their face, pretending complete sympathy and kinship, but secretly maintain an ironic distance, am I engaging in a form of hierarchical imperiousness whereby my valuation of my own aesthetic sensibility  increases while my valuation of the guest’s aesthetic sensibility decreases?

I really don’t know. And I mean that sincerely.

Perhaps, though, it’s better just to admit you like the Carpenters and be done with it. After all, the guest in question probably just wants to share a common interest other than a mutual taste for pumpkin pie and a relative distaste for whipped cream. There’s no sense in breaking it down any further than that, perhaps, whether you believe what you’re saying or not, and no matter what you think of early 70s easy listening.

Historically, the Devil has played a big part in barter, trade, and retail folklore.

Mephistopheles, the old retail master, has come a long way since that Faust legend of trading a soul for a wife.

These days we seem to be making all manner of deals with the Devil.

But the Devil doesn’t just want your soul anymore.

His standards for fair trade have changed a bit.

Hell is presently experiencing an economic glut in souls—supply is exceeding demand.

Mephistopheles will now accept other fees.

So if you’re looking for a good deal, Carpe Diem!

And right before Christmas, too!

Now, I’m no investment specialist, but I have noticed some real bargaining going on out there in the fray of our dealings with the Devil.

Most of these bargains come with Ginsu knives and many offer bonus deals if you dial 1-800-Gimme right now.

But if you go straight to the Devil’s warehouse, you can look in the Vanity Aisle, on the Convenience Shelf, into the Ignorance Case, (the one with fool proof glass) and on the Sale Rack of Fate, to find these special items and strike a bargain with the old trade master, in person.

Descriptions of what you can buy…and…What it will cost you—later.

Personal Convenience:

Easy to install and operate.

Runs on complete lack of responsibility with rechargeable credit cards, loaded with immediate gratification.

Comes with automatic thought controls and a powerful, spontaneous consumption engine that may be steered rampantly over human value, extinct species, healthy food, and personal integrity, by corporate propaganda.

A very reliable generator of justifications has been built in by marketing experts.

On the receipt is a coupon for two round trip tickets to bathe in Moon water after making a mess on Earth.

Bonus feature: Sturdy petroleum base product with Banker seal of approval.

Price to be paid: Social and Ecological Bankruptcy

Security

Includes a colorful alert system and a monitor enhanced with a panoramic view of all your neighbors, a specially designed toggle switch that leans to the right for easy operation, and a temporary thrill seeking device that allows the user to experience intermittent shock waves through media manipulation, inducing a euphoric inspiration to get naked in airports and a self righteous exhilaration derived from profiling races other than one’s own.

Price to be paid : Ten Bills of Rights and some change

Emotional Comfort:

Comes with smooth to swallow pills and easy to digest health related labels, which are artistically created in think tanks and laboratories to accommodate any sensitive reaction to a culture that is completely irrational and short sighted.

Guaranteed to alleviate that nagging feeling that something is very wrong here.

Provides a quick fix to any questioning type thinking and maintains a palatable social climate with a built in pull string lullaby to abate any revolting side effects.

Price:  Your Mental Stability and Confidence in Reality

Complacency

Gently used, and gift wrapped by indigenous people who are being exploited in places you’ve never heard of, so you don’t have to think about them while global homogenization settles like dust on your imported furniture.

This item is user friendly with flexibly lined edges and non resistant conformity for superior feelings of entitlement and relaxation.

One size potentially fits all. Diversity not included.

Price: Your Humanity

Spirituality:

This is an exceptionally good deal since the Devil doesn’t really need your soul any more.

You can obtain this item outside the Devil’s warehouse without a contract.

There are a myriad of Con men, Cult leaders, Megalomaniacs, New Age Promulgators of invented truths, and Predators of your need to find answers in a world gone nuts, who are willing to give you this for mere cash.

But for those other things—and more, you’re evidently gonna have to cut a deal with Mephistopheles.

Unlike Dr Faustus, your exchange contract may stipulate a collection due date that extends beyond twenty four years, so your kids might have to pay for these purchases later, but Hey, you get to have ‘em now!

And…

You get to keep your *Soul!

Woo Hoo!

*May be limited to what’s in store.

Anyone who thinks this book is portraying them as a cow, a pig, or a donkey need not sue for defamation. Politicians, take note!

I always thought that it would be during the following disastrous presidency that the mea culpas for the was they treated Clinton would come. First from the progressives, then maybe the others. I was wrong.  They continued to blame him – this time for Gore and Kerry’s “losses”

And now, with a God in the White House I was expecting a continuous stream of: see, he can do what Clinton couldn’t” and pretty much got it.

Facts however are stubborn things and I can already see some chinks in that strategy.

The Clinton hater extraordinaire, M0Do sent shockwaves through the Village when she ended her usual Clinton hating column with a virtual “But Obama is even worse”

Bill Clinton may not have cared any more about contributors than Obama does, but he was such a talented politician that he made them feel as though they were in “a warm bath,” as one put it.

Obama is more like a cold shower.

And, from Hillary is 44 an extraordinary video

where Laurence O’Donnell – now part of Obama’s network actually remembers 1994 – when a “vote to debate” was not deemed necessary as the bill (Clinton’s) went to the senate almost by unanimous consent. Listen from the 1:08 mark for some startling revelations bout Ted Kennedy’s role and at the 3:20 mark

“It was inconceivable – for both parties not to allow one of the president major legislation to come to a vote – and this is a much weaker president – remember – Clinton got elected with 43% of the vote and there were 43 Republicans in the senate, only 57 Democrats….so this issue of needing 60 to go in the debate is the most stunning demonstration of weakness”

When asked to point the finger as to why, O’Donnel blames…the bill “this bill, this idea is so unpopular in the US”. And then points to the 1994 failure and the determination of Obama to do the opposite of what Clinton did – take a bow from behind the curtain, Tom Daschle.t

Except of course for the part where they asked Bill Clinton to talk to the Senate

It’s not that the media stopped attacking the Clintons – they’ll never forgive them for trespassing Versailles. But even their attacks have instant blowback.

A laundry list of “conflicts of interest” between the Clintons from WaPo only manages to highlight the many accomplishments of each of them.

So, ironically, it wasn’t Bush’s incompetence that would showcase Clinton’s brilliance. It will be Obama’s. Whether they allow it or not.

By the way, now that you are full of turkey, check out this movie.

It will feed your mind.

Disclaimer: I work for a phone company. A big one. Plus I science BUT I do not claim to represent the company views with this post…

Just so we’re clear – this is me speaking.

Just me.

OK? Still with me?

Right: cellphones do not give you cancer.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.

It really bugs me that there’s so much misinformation about cellphones and how they work. Bandy about terms like “radiation” and “electro magnetic frequency” and people seem to think about CT scanners, X-Ray machines and death rays.

It’s just radio people. Radio. The same radio we’ve had for a hundred years, the same radio that sat in the corner of your grandmother’s parlour so she could listen to Churchill declare war, the same radio that has been bouncing content around the globe for a hundred years.

Radio.

And yet… there is a group of people who think cellphones and cellphone towers are somehow different. That they somehow put out a different kind of radio, that somehow, despite no evidence to prove it, that cellphones and cellphone towers create cancerous growths because they use “radiation”.

Where to begin.

Cellphone towers – let’s start with those.

I found this lovely site – EMF Explained – which has a lovely picture that compares the various transmitters and their power output.

Let’s start at the top, shall we?

TV transmitters: 100,000 Watts.
FM radio: 20-100,000 Watts.

Then you come down a long way to:

Two-way radio base stations: 50-100 Watts.
Cellphone base stations: 2-50 Watts.
micro-cell sites: 2 Watts.

So, assuming there is some cause for concern (and I refute that) and that radio waves are a killer and must be blocked (again, I refute that) then we must immediately turn off the TV and radio masts based on impact to the environment.

What’s that? TV and radio are important and you’ve only just got good signal and you don’t want to miss Celebrity Master Chef?

Now to be reasonable, TV and radio masts are one-way beasts. They stand in the hills and blast radiation (sorry, radio) out to the masses. They don’t get built on your street.

Cellphones are two way devices – they need to be closer to the tiny little units that will send and receive the signal so there are more of them and some of them are very ugly. But some look like rubbish bins or lamposts or chimney pots so it’s all good.

Incidentally, I’ve just installed a 3G booster in my house. It’s sitting in the kitchen. I live in the shadow of a hill so get poor coverage but with this thing (which looks like a wi-fi box and acts like a wi-fi box and generally just sits there with no buttons but a red light saying it’s on) I can actually make and receive phone calls. This is good.

So what about cellphones themselves? You hold them up to YOUR HEAD! ZOMG THE RADIATION IT BURNS OH IT BURNS!

Let’s compare, shall we. Again, EMF Explains er, explains.

Walkie Talkies 0.1 – 5 Watts
Mobile phones 0.002 – 0.2 Watts
Wi-Fi modem 0.1 Watts
Cordless phones 0.01 – 0.2 Watts
Baby monitors 0.01 – 0.1 Watts
Car remote control 0.001 – 0.1

In effect, cellphones can put out up to 0.2 Watts of power. The further away from a cellsite they are, the more power they use, so if you REALLY want to minimise the power output of your phone, have a cellsite close at hand.

Let me say that again – if you’re concerned about cellphones giving you cancer, make sure you’re close to a cellphone tower when you’re talking on the phone. Oh the irony.

Chris Barton has been mentioned in this pages before (more often than I would like frankly) but he’s here again because he’s written a well reasoned piece for the Herald on Sunday about all of this.

The World Health Organisation is putting out a report called Interphone which looks at a large number of studies from around the world reviewing cellphones and whether they cause adverse medical side effects.

Let me give you the short version: they do not.

Let me give you the slightly longer version: low levels of use of a cellphone appear to give you fewer brain tumours than NOT using a cellphone.

Take your time and read that again.

Chris has the longer version here (On Hold: The cellphone tumour rumour) and it makes for great reading. Sadly, I’m sure this won’t be the end of it all.

Check out the New Zealand information here (WARNING: PDF).

The Photograph: Taken on National Highway 8 in Rajasthan in India. The man hanging on to the extreme right (in the blue checks) saw me take a photograph a few seconds from when the above one was taken, and he only had a smile to offer.  By Siddharth.

The Poem:  Wonder why the vehicle never breaks down.
If it did, there would be smiles; not all would frown.

Wonder how this country is still up and running;
The people, some like Gandhi and some so cunning.

Wonder how that driver manages to steer,
with the whole nation hanging on his rear.
By Akshan.

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In the spirit of giving, we want to share these funny videos with you.

Enjoy.

(via Videogum)

(via Wonkette)

UPDATE: Found a mostly-usable form of the video from 22 Minutes, not on their site but at YouTube.  I dunno, but did anyone hear what Palin actually said the same way I did?  In fairness, I didn’t hear “dismantle,” only that the government should share the market with the private sector, IOW a single (big) step backwards, not the giant leap.  No difference though.  “Commonsense conservatism”?  Sweetheart, it left the U.S. during/after the Revolution, and remained among Canada’s Red Tories until they lost their party in the Harper/Reform takeover a couple years ago.  And Sarah and Steve ain’t it!

The other thing I noticed is that, while the lovable “Marg Delahunty” (OK, I really can’t take the voice, but admire her “all lies” review of the book!!) was woman-handled out of the library, her camera crew was allowed to stay.  PURE PHOTO-OP!  No questions, just pictures.  I hope Muscle-Melon wasn’t on the public payroll facilitating that ‘un-campaign’ appearance for Palin.

——————————————

ORIGINAL: That’s right, the Canadians who ‘punked’ W. got last week what may be the only policy remarks Alaska’s disgraced, resigned, unqualified, eye-candy governor will allow herself to be drawn on involuntarily, unscripted, during her eternal, fluff book tour/photo-op … and her own country is not the subject (nor is Russia!): ‘Yup, yup,’ like most self-important Republican politicos, she’s now become an expert on Canada’s model single-payer healthcare system — and all she cares about is corporate profiteering instead, and RATIONING on the basis of wealth, Whiteness, suburban residence, non-Indigenous status, etc.

If that’s “going rogue,” then John McCain’s a maverick!  The free ride she’s been getting from the MSM ever since her (losing) nomination is a danger to America and the world, because the hard right wing will back her as their savior just to feel they get back in power, even if she doesn’t know what to do with it in any way that will benefit, apparently, anyone other than CEOs and wealthy stockholders … short-term, anyway….  TALK ABOUT “DEATH PANELS”!!!  ‘Whose plug would Jesus pull?’

According to the BBC article (here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8375810.stm) there are approx 25,000 Britons pilgrims visiting mecca. And there has apparently been 4 deaths of swine flu there. Even the Saudi authorities recommend the elderly and frail don’t visit but that doesn’t some traipsing across.

Perhaps it’s the views of people like student Maryam Nadeen Ahmed who said  ”You’re going for a good cause and it’s better to die there in the sacred city than anywhere else.”

What? It’s better to die in the sacred city. Gosh. You’d have thought people might be a bit upset at the idea of their creator taking them away just as they’d bothered to turn up to a holy site.

One person is quoted as saying dying there on Hajj is actually considered a blessing!

According to Wikipedia there are some rather surreal things one has to do at least once in your lifetime. I’m jolly happy to find out it’s only necessary to do that just once.

They are:

1. Walk seven times counter-clockwise around the cube shaped building in the middle.

2. Kiss the Black Stone (in the corner of the building in the middle)

3. Run back and forth between the hills of Al-Safa and Al-Marwah

4. Drinks from a well (the Zamzam Well)

5. Stand in vigil on the plains of Mount Arafat

6. Throws stones in a ritual Stoning of the Devil

7. Shave their heads

8. Perform a ritual of animal sacrifice

9. Celebrate the three-day global festival of Eid.

Hmm apparently these rituals have become stylized. Not necessary to kiss the Black stone, but just to point at it. I’m guessing that’s because there is an awful amount of people there and the pushing must be intense (plus all those lips on the stone? eeewwww)

There are always the reports of crushing there http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incidents_during_the_Hajj but I like the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia’s Ministry of Hajj website stating “Be peaceful, orderly and kind.” (sounds like good advice).

Then adds, “No crushing.”

[shrugs]

To me it all sounds like something that could have been a Monty Python film.

So, to recap, if whilst baldly kissing (or pointing) at the Black stone (walking around it seven times counter-clockwise) having appointed someone to kill an animal for you (or having done it yourself) you happen to die whilst being crushed, it’s an honour.

I guess, it’s more of an honour than dying of swine flu when you get back. Or before you do these rituals. Actually when would the cut off point be? Just as you leave your house to go? Just when you get back?

And if it’s such an Honour, then why do the Saudis recommend you don’t go if your frail. Why have the checks for Swine Flu at the airport?

Seems to me to be a similar thing regarding the Pope-mobile. Why does the Pope need bullet proof glass?

My wife and I have been listening to the newly released audio drama of CS Lewis’ “The Screwtape Letters”–it’s very well done and enjoyable.  Below is an important thought I heard last night.  For those who haven’t read this great book, Lewis creatively uses a fictional demon named Screwtape to mentor his young nephew Wormwood in the art of temptation, and therefore provides round-about advice for Christians.

(from Chapter 25…)

Screwtape says…

“But the greatest triumph of all is to elevate this horror of the Same Old Thing into a philosophy so that non-sense in the intellect may reinforce corruption in the will.  It is here that the general Evolutionary or Historical character of modern European thought (partly our work) comes in so useful.  The Enemy loves platitudes.  Of a proposed course of action He wants men, so far as I can see, to ask very simple questions; is it righteous? is it prudent? is it possible? Now if we can keep men asking ‘Is it in accordance with the general movement of our time? Is it progressive or reactionary? Is this the way that History is going?’ they will neglect the relevant (emphasis mine) questions.  And the questions they do ask are, of course, unanswerable; for they do not know the future, and what the future will be depends laragely on just those choices whcih they now invoke the future to help them to make.  As a result, while their minds are buzzing in this vacuum, we have the better chance to slip in and bend them to the action we have decided on.”

From The Detroit News:

The attorney representing the Brighton businessman accused in an alleged $53 million "Billionaire Boys Club" Ponzi scheme has himself been indicted for a criminal investment fraud scheme.

Gregory Bartko, the Georgia attorney representing John J. Bravata, his wife Shari Bravata, and his son Antonio Bravata on civil fraud charges brought in Detroit by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, is named in a six-count federal indictment handed down in North Carolina, according to court papers filed today.

Bartko, 56, along with a California man, are accused of running an interstate scheme to profit from the fraudulent sale of investments starting in 2004. He faces charges that include conspiracy, false statements, obstruction, and mail fraud.

Work is not all serious

I’ve been writing serious posts.  That’s not surprising.  I’m of a serious turn of mind.

Have fun at work

But work is not all serious.  It’s possible to have fun at work and make money.

10 hacks for pulling your boss’ leg

Here are 10 hacks from dumblittleman for keeping good relationships!  They ar fun in a mischeivious sort of way

But what if they are pulling yours?

I suppose in countries where there is a strong tradition of irony, people will know what you are up to.  Heck, you boss might deliberately come in 5 minutes before you,  so you have to come in 5 minutes earlier!

Your boss might reply to your 5pm email with “as you have everything with you at home, can you sort this out quickly. See you in the morning at [your normal arrival time].”

Thank you for your coffee and ask for tea.

Do boss’ get irony?

It’s surprising how many people don’t get irony.  It’s also very surprising for someone in charge to get irony.  Being in charge does seem to make us blind to what other people think.

Can we remain playful and teasing in our approach to work?

Perhaps the dumblittleman can write 10 hacks for managers to remain playful and teasing in attitude to work?

Do you know what’s better than being witness to a man and his loving wife reviewing some documents of extreme importance? Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. The fact that we are able to witness this moment of marital bliss in a print ad is simply breathtaking.

Wait, there’s so much more. The gifts. They just keep on coming.

Punch. Not Steve. Not John, or Albert, or Farnsworth. Punch. I think Rod Stewart said it best, “Some guys have all the luck”. And just what do you do when you’re blessed with parents who have such incredible taste in names? You honor them by purchasing a personalized phone number. 416.PUNCH.ME. Don’t mind if I do. Where does the line begin my friend? I hate you for being perfect Punch.

And, because perfection just isn’t good enough for these two, Punch, and the lovely Missis, decided to rub a little salt in the wound by displaying what appears to be two Emmy’s. The son’s of bitches.

Well, I hate to do it, but I must. I’m FedExing a platinum nomination for the two of you to review and sign. Yet another trophy to add to your collection. Yippee.

Let’s all thank Jason Allen for sending us this little reminder of just how much the rest of us suck.

Sign-up for The Official Real”ad”tor Awards by email and receive gems like this in your inbox.
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This ugly little slice of life is why I get so upset about the future. I worry far less about Rush and Co per se, who howl and bleat and make their dirty money poking the liberals with sharp sticks. That’s theater, for those of us with the brains to recognize it as such.

These sheeple, whose eyes glow with the zeal of true believers, who don’t have the insight to get that they look like fools (because they are fools) and are being interviewed for that reason alone, who will happily hitch their wagons to a stupid and dangerous faction that cares even less about them than I do, and who will hold hands and make a joyful noise unto the lord as the ship goes down — without even knowing why (without even knowing that they don’t know why) — herein lies the real danger.

O’Reilly is funny. Beck is hilarious. These people are not funny. These people vote, religiously. And there are lots and lots and lots of them. They’re armed, they’re stupid (and obedient), and they breed.