We rewatched the flashforward episode today on sky+ and, lo and behold, there was a treasure trove of stuff we hadn’t noticed when we first saw it. That’s how complex and Da Vinci-esque Hollyoaks is.

baby it’s ewwwwwww

Anyhoo, the biggest revelation was Lauren apparently being knocked up by SPENCER. How we missed this first time around we do not know (nausea induced amnesia?), but thanks to friends of WLH we were alerted to this baffling turn of events so this time we were eagle eyed….WTF!??!??! x a million! How on earth could Spencer impregnate anyone, let alone the local angry goth? Did he still wear his checked jacket as he did so? To be fair, Spencer seemed as surprised about it as we were…could it be a nasty trick of Lauren’s? Wouldn’t put it past her.

armed chav

Revelation x 2: Jacqui has a gun!!! Again, another corker we missed. Ignoring the obvious question of where she got it from, and where she got a clutch bag with a compartment for weaponry, we think this cancels her out as a suspect. Too obvious. Unless Hollyoaks knows we know that. And so is going to get double bluffy on our ass? We shall see

scouse rage

We finally had a relisten to the exchange that resulted in Calvin decking Zack – by the sounds of it something unhappy will happen to Zack’s squaddie bro Caleb, which would explain why Zack has a face like a wasp chewing on a wasp? We didn’t like how Zack seemed to be getting a bit racialist though and thought he deserved a good punching really.

did he or didn’t he?

Though we previously dismissed him as a wet blanket incapable of moider, we are starting to like the idea of Malachy being the gun-wielder. He conveniently made sure that Mercedes arrived at the wedding in time for the shooting, and he was saying an awful lot of ominous things throughout the day….oooh!

other stuff we noticed

Jacqui’s scally hair curl – loved it; Carmel and Calvin’s Sonny and Cher wedding vows – marginally better than the Spice Girls/rollerboot debacle of their first wedding; the full on evils Calvin received from just about everyone at the wedding; Mercy’s white wine-quaffing Jackie Jackson style belligerence when confronted by Mal – what a ledge.

Never thought part 3 would arrive now, did ya? But Kerry will never quit and the moderators on .com keep threatening to close the thread and then don’t follow through on their threats. So we get more Kerry goodies.

This time, we’re going to focus on Kerry’s spite towards Jacqui Garder, the uber-frau that had a makeover from Mark and co. at GMTV. It was already pretty obvious Kerry had a thing against Jacqui and their arguements don’t end on .com, they go on Twitter and Facebook, too. Kerry loves talking trash about Jacqui to anyone who would listen (and mostly to people who don’t care) at any given moment. On occasion she takes her jealousy on a public stroll and the result is as such…

Kerry got upset that all the attention in the thread, after being focused on her (while arguing with her) was shifted towards Jacqui and her makeover. She has tried to send people to a thread Jacqui opened about her morning at GMTV but people talked about it on both threads. So, in a need to bring it back to herself she posted the following, and then actually QUOTED HERSELF to make people see it.

i and my mate vicki had a special day at gmtv too …. getting to meet mark and he was loooooooooovely and treated us just like everyone else …. as hed never treat anyone more special than anyone else coz thats what hes like ..
had an amazing day ….

Except that he does. He replies to Jacqui on Twitter a lot more than he does Kerry. And on air, he presented it as if HE chose Jacqui for the makeover. How true that is remains to be speculated but he chose to pimp his affection to her on national television. And that absolutely kills Kerry.

When it became evident even quoting herself won’t help, she went for a different tactic.

still cant believe i didnt recogise mark … did wonder who person smilin at me was … then clicked! looooooooooooooooooool

I call bullshit. Kerry can recognize Mark’s scent from miles away, she’s a hound dog.

i blame lack of sleep and he had a hat on

 I still call bullshit. When the conversation persisted on Jacqui and her group picture with Westlife, Kerry went for the attack.

id have been insulted had mark thought i needed a make over …. just saying …

plus i dnt think any fan got special treatment regardless … we are all EQUAL …. my day was just as special as Jacqui’s just different thats all … doesnt make it any less special or hers anymore …. or vice versa

Wow. That is so bluntly an attack it befuddles me THIS post was not deleted by Lorraine the party pooper and that the thread was not closed right then and there. Vix the mod even replied to her (too politely) not too long after and the thread still went 10 pages further. Amazing. So, naturally, Kerry went on her jolly ways…

just sayin it wud seem insulting mark going u need a make over …. not that he did to jacqui …. PR people did but hey ho …

just dnt thin what happened to jacqui was anything more special than what any of us had that day …. thats my point

“THERE’S NO WAY YOUR MORNING WAS MORE SPECIAL THAN MINE! LOOK AT ME I’M SPECIAL!” But you are special, Kerry. You have your own category on Westlife Tards and Jacqui has not even got one post to enrage on!

One of the forum members brought down the house with the following (and I swear it was not me):

 I’m sorry but what Jacqui had was much more special than a meeting outside the studio’s.

It was a lovely thing she had and I hate to see so-called fans trying to undermine and undervalue it.

I think everyone would love to have 2 hours with their idols – I know I would (even though it’s not now Kian) – I couldn’t have done what Jacqui did I’d have been way too nervous but I admire and congratulate her for doing it.

Woooo. So how did Kerry take it? Why, with her usual grace and poise.

please dont refer to me as a SO CALLED FAN! thanks! im most definatly a fan .. AND HAVE BEEN SINCE DAY ONE unlike some!

im not devaluing it but how about you devaluing all our experiences ….

my experience ment JUST AS MUCH TO ME as jacquis did … as did EVERYONE ELSE

and im not bowing down to someone who spread it mark looked amt me like shite that day ( he didnt) …and sayin shed givne mark stuff about me bad stuff ( that doesnt exist)

just dnt see y all our expereicnes cant be special and y someone has to be special 

But it seems Kerry is very much aware of what she’s doing (so she can be held liable! Yay she’s not crazy, she’s just a bitch!) because when pointed out no one referred to her by name, she had this to say.

i was the only person sayin negative about it …… and not fawning … so who else can it be?

Who indeed? Unfortunately Jacqui chose this moment to indulge Kerry and reply to her saying it was indeed Mark who chose her. Kerry decided she should show off her stalkerish behavior yet again.

did the pa wear a lost in tv audience person uniform? coz u walked by us at pog …when u were going in n it was a 60 year old woman in a lost in tv thing that took you in! ….

so WHATEVER

and i dnt believe u told mark about me either

Jacqui, hire some body-guards. For your own good.

i wudnt see myself as any more special than those outside or my experience any more special tho ….

thats the point … ive had even more special experiences than jacqui …. but never see myself as special i dnt even believe mark knows who i am even tho i know he does …. if they look at me im lookin round to see who they are lookin at …

thats how i am and i have no ego i see myself as an equal to everyone

I scream, BULLSHIT. Turns out someone gave Mark some print screens with Kerry’s shameful behavior and a letter explaining things. There was also a claim made somewhere Jacqui supposedly talked to Mark about Kerry, which made Kerry obsessive to know if he indeed knows what a crazy bitch she is. Don’t worry, Kerry, worst case we’ll link him up to Westlife Tards. This is slowly shaping up to be the Kerry-page.

explaining WHAT tho? … and its gone up to 53 from 50 the ther day and 43 the day before?!!!!!

dnt believe u and neither does anyone else …. theres nothing to give and he was happy to see me outside … all smiles …

ive nothing to hide at all

I will search “Kerry Twigley” on WordPress and say you have a lot to hide.

Someone innocent tried to explain to Kerry that none of her bullshit actually matters. I swear this wasn’t me either.

Kerry, hun, no one ( that i’ve noticed anyway) is suggesting that your experience WASN’T special. So why jump in every other post going on about it. Fair play to you for waiting around in the cold to meet them, i certainly couldn’t be bothered doing it, as Vix said, it’s not worth the hassle. But if you want to do that, good on you and i’m glad you got a picture. Everyones experience, no matter how long or where/when etc etc is special to the individual, i don’t see the point in arguing about it. So what if someone claims otherwise about what you did Kerry? I couldn’t give a rats backside what people thought of me.

This post came later on, and actually made me wonder who is the real poster behind it. Is Kerry paying people to be on her side now? Or is this person really someone’s mum (and if so why use her daughter’s account to post? It’s free and easy to create your own) that is completely unaware of who Kerry really is. So, Carole, if you need to be put in the loop, Westlife Tards is at your service.

 Just reading over this and its so sad, fans fighting to be Mark’s best fan.
Jacqui we all know you had an amazing time and well done. but why say Mark looked like shite in Kerry’s pic?
Why hand over pages of derogatory (?) things to Mark, just to make yourself look good to him?
Cannot understand why anyone thinks they are more special than another fan!!!
There are loads of fans on here who have had great experiences with the lads but dont put themselves above all the others.

If someone does have a video or photos of Kerry and Mark, then why are they holding back, its all so very very sad!!

Carole (Louise’ mum)

Vix comes up with the following. Hey, Vix, maybe you’re not so bad after all!

Its getting more than ridiculous… my husband has just said (and he moderates on footy boards) that people are dying for this country and people scrap over a better ‘experience’ when the people with the ‘better’ experience dont publicise it

Maybe we all should be ashamed?

Vix

To which Kerry naturally replies…

im not ashamed at all …..

think jacqui shud be for ruining my experience … and saying mark looked at me like shite and wasnt smiling etc … and trying to be better than me

think its me whos said we are ALL EQUAL … alll expreriences are special

Honestly Kerry, this “everyone is equal” bullshit is not really true. Didn’t they teach you anything at the college that gave you your glorious degree? Some people have more than others, doesn’t mean they’ll give it all away so everyone can be equally poor. That’s not good business. And capitalism is just a mirror of the world at large. We’re not ALL equal. Some people are favored by others, some people are treated better cause they’re famous, some people get government jobs because they’re buds with corrupt politicians. We’re not all equal. Snap out of it.

This just amused me. So there you go. Again, not me. But shocking how many reasonable people stumble into .com.

why is it that every argument on here involves kerry
the fact is jacqui was picked end of story
she worked really hard to get where she is today and deserves every moment of it !!!
were all very proud of ya jac and so is mark
as you know
now kerry can you stop going on about it you are spoling peoples experience with the boards and people are not coming on here any more because they are sick of you starting arguments with everyone and it always involves mark you
are not the only mark fan around you need to remember that and stop spoiling other peoples experiences because your jealous
its getting boring now !!!!

What a wonderful way to end this, for now. I’m sure Kerry will be back with a vengeance, but until then… au revoir!

Simon Cowell

The pint sized impresario will be visiting Grenada’s sunny shores over the festive period to play Santa. He’s selected a rather luxurious sleigh for his gift deliveries – a 12 berth/43metre super yacht called ‘Slipstream’. Apparently it will set him and his shipmate, Sir Philip Green, back to the tune of £625,00 per week. We’re pretty sure they can afford it.

A source said “Simon wanted a change of scenery rather than spend another Christmas looking at Michael Winner’s gut at Sandy Lane for dinner.”

He should be on his way to Grenada right now after having left Barbados, and his reason for coming to Grenada? To deliver presents to his ex-girlfriend and best mate Sinitta and family who are apparently on the island.

Slipstream - the big sleigh

The source went on to say “Then he is off to Antigua for cocktails with Amanda Holden and her husband Chris Hughes. And then Jacqui St Clair is planning to meet up with him when he hits St Barths.

“Simon hates winters in England and has been looking forward to this trip for months. He chose this yacht because of the high spec. It oozes luxury – as soon as he docks the three-storey beast, people will be impressed.

“He could have gone for something more discreet, but that isn’t Simon’s style. He turned 50 this year and decided it would be his Christmas treat to himself.”

Hollyoaks is nothing if ambitious and so after skydiving deaths, alter ego stand-offs and numerous film student moments, the ‘Oaks has given us the special flashforward episode set in May 2010, where stacked hottie and rightful Strictly champion Calvin was gunned down in his prime.

OMG!

It was something of a head scratcher, raising a whole heap of questions that we can now spend the next five months trying to answer, the main one being, of course, whodunnit?

We can’t wait to see what Calvin has done to fuck off so many people, as the menu of suspects ranged from the expected to the rather random (many of whom were helpfully summarised in the end bit). In no specific order:

Mercedes
Our verdict: whilst hell hath no fury like a vag scorned we cannot believe that she would rid the world of a functioning man truncheon. No chance.

Malachy
Our verdict: he wasted the opportunity for Jackie Jackson-style bestman speech, so we’re not convinced he has that killer instinct. Unless he was planning to drown Calvin in a pool of his anguished tears. Wuss.

Sasha
Our verdict: maybe. If she found out that Calvin abandoned her beloved Warren to his fiery/mirror fate she would get the right hump. Sulky mare.

Spencer
Our verdict: please. If Spencer got a gun he’d end up shooting himself in the face.

Lauren
Our verdict: Lauren can be one vindictive goth when she wants to be. Can’t believe she’d whack her own brother though.

Jacqui
Our verdict: Meh. She may have been full of righteous fury at Mercy and Calvin’s affair, but if she moidered every person Mercedes shagged who she shouldn’t then there would be barely a person left alive.

Zack
Our verdict: despite the face punchy aggro (which seemed to involve Des somehow too), we think Zack is a bit too mild mannered to indulge in gun crime.

Leo
Our verdict: get all Darth Vader on his son’s ass? Mebbees. He’s always been a bit shifty.

Michaela and Theresa
Our verdict: a random factor, but we could roll with it.

Jake
Our verdict: got form as a psycho. Is a disgruntled ex-employee. Why not.

Kris and Cheryl
Our verdict: Nah. A simple bullet in the heart wouldn’t be a flamboyant enough MO for these two. Any murderous scheme of theirs would involve swans, dry ice and Kate Bush.

Rhys
Our verdict: our wild card. Rhys hasn’t done anything interesting for years, so it would be about time. He and Calvin shared an odd exchange about a secret and, knowing Rhys, the mind can only boggle at the sexual deviancy he could be involved in now.

Or, it could be someone completely off piste: Claire (why not? it’s usually her); Baby Leah; crazy alchie Louise returns; Holly with a champagne cork (this one is courtesy of a Twitter friend of WLH), Mark Gasgoyne; Bonnie Tyler in another cameo…. or Carmel, vengeful after discovering her man’s cheating ways?

Other questions:
What has happened to Holly? Is she dead? Did Cindy swap her for a Gucci bag?

Do they really expect us to believe the Loft will still be standing in 5 months time? Really? Under  the increasingly inept management of Calvin, Mercy, Mal, Sasha and Spencer we are surprised it hasn’t burnt to the ground already. Again.

Why is the future all smokey? We imagine that’s how the world looks during the early stages of cataracts.

Where were Hannah, Newt, the Roys, Steph, Frankie, Jack, Zoe, Lydia etc? (perhaps the latter two have death matched each other by then)

Why was Suzanne there and no Nev?

Where exactly would ANYONE in the village get their hands on a gun? Eastenders they aint.

Now, Carmel and Calvin’s Dirty Dancing tribute/debacle was hardly a sell out, so unless the killer was hidden half a mile away, sniper style, then surely someone would have seen said killer?

We think this is a case for CSI: Chester.

So many questions *head explodes*. Loved it. Roll on May 2010, when, we were assured, the truth will out. Yay.

And so the saga continues. I was too quick to post about Kerry’s GMTV-related arguments yesterday because she is still at it! So here’s part 2 of that crazy girl’s rambling. Gotta hand it to her, girl takes a punch and gets right back up on her feet.

Some poor sap attempted to reason with Kerry. What they STILL don’t get is that such a notion is ludicrous in its very essence because you simply can’t do that.

Not really wanting to get into an argument either, but … I personally wouldn’t ask anyone for anything like a photo or a video – if they CHOOSE to share it, that’s just great and it’s their choice And if they don’t want to share it, and keep it as their own personal souvenir which they took the trouble of getting, that’s their choice and personal business too Personally, I’m immensely grateful for ANY thing that gets shared about on these forums, as being on the other side of the world to my favourite band, I don’t have such ready access as all you people over in the UK have, so I’m sooooo grateful anytime someone decides they want to share something – just wanted to say thanks, really

Kerry LOVED hearing that.

Jess .. your a member of team them so hate me anyway so maybe u shud refrain from commenting on anything to do with me as its always gonna be having a go because of your bias towards me

and when uve had a pic that hasnt come out .. only then can u comment .. as you havent you have no idea what it means or how you would be so you cant comment
also if i want to ask for a pic isnt that my right?! … we have free speech so if i want to ask politly for something that has myself on i can do!

so please dont have a go or comment on what you know nothing about

thankyou

You welcome. I love it when she utters sweet nothings to me, like “free speech” when she makes sure to trump on anyone else’s free speech.

Yet another topic turning nasty thanks to Kerry…

If people want to share something then they will. Asking, sorry make that demanding, a video/picture is rude and will get you nowhere

At least the tards are not completely unaware of her poisonous influence on their tard community.

ive not done anything

… ive seriously had enuff just sick and fed up of you lot
so called fans picking on me

i cant even go see lads without feeling sick with fear and shaking because of threats and how people are ….
im scared of posting on anything online because i get abuse constantly ……

and westlifewitch i know who u are .. leave me ALONE

So she’s afraid of threats being made at her, yet she threatens other members? Really, I don’t even have an ounce of MOCK pity left for her.

Sadly, Kerry’s next post in her arguement with WestlifeWitch, has been deleted by trusty mod Lorraine. C’mon Lorriane, you’re sucking away all the fun. In any case, Kerry then explains why she’s so determined on seeing a certain video she’s also been demanding.

vid i wanna see because according to jacqui mark looks at me like shit! … coz ses told him what an evil person i am so wud just like to see the vid she says is evidence of this …. yet he was smiling and happy with me n my mate

I literally fell off my chair laughing. Jacqui, by the way, is a part of this blog’s future plans of coverage.

When WestlifeWitch continues hittin’ Kerry with reason…

maybe you shouldnt have more or less demanded a copy. Its your attitude that rubs people up the wrong way. You are never satisfied & if anybody dares disagree with your opinion they are bullying you.

…Kerry realizes she’s a one trick pony and that trick was just exposed, so no point in repeating it. Instead she uses another favorite tactic…

weres a mod! …. ur one of team them ….. so can u please not speak to me EVER again … then everyone will b happy

“Team Them”. God curse you, Stephenie Meyer and your silly vampires and werewolves for bringing Team-Everything into our world.

This is where Lorraine interferes. I guess they speak different in Washington, UK, because I can’t understand large portions of it.

Please can we stop back biting in this thread.

If people choose not to pass over pictures or videos that they have took that is entirely up to the owner of said items, regardless of how many time of being asked.

Pure and simple, people who were present at the event might not have any pictures that people have requested hense why they are not sharing/posting.

However, behaviour in this thread is diabolicle that some one asks for a picture everyone decends to have a free for all.

Again can I remind you this is a family board and if this continues I will have to once again reluctanly lock this thread.

Thank you
Lorraine

Wow, everything from awful spelling, to horrible grammar and strange sentence structure. You’re a grown woman whose native language is English, learn how to write it!

Kerry decides to ruin an attempt to bring the thread back on track by being a narcissist bitch, as always.

ah well i didnt see the programme n cant be arsed watching it …. the only memories i need i made outside talkin to the lads .. nicky almost giving me a heart attack … kian being adorable .. ( my mate is still tryin to stop herself being a kian fan coz he was so nice) .. Shane actually remembering to give me my pen back … and lastly markie the most beautiful smile when he walked out the building i was like omg n then a smile and arm snuggly round me and a gorge pic .. pitty he blinked …

memories .. thanks to 4 amazing guys .. who make all the hassle and stuff worthwhile .. love you all! but esp my sweetheart mark always adorable .. and im sure he knws my voice lol

Wow! Shane remembered to give her back her pen! He must hold her in high regard! And Mark knows her voice! Probably from hearing it in his nightmares.

She then continues discussing her insanity at length.

well i got 2 to sign album and nicky to sign harrods pic …. still keep my eyes open now whenever i go in .. will get other two at some point then that will b 9 fully signed albums .. just need ki shane and mark on love album and then il have 10 fully signed … madness ive em framed on my wall well 6 of them 2 are more complicated to frame

Um… why do you need so many signatures of the same people? But don’t worry, some randomer decided to take the Kerry-bait.

1st off i came here to say congratulations to Jaqui , but am discusted by people
( markies_girl1 ) spoiling this fantastic topic, and other peoples good wishes to Jaqui .

Why on earth go on and on and especially in here .
If you want the photo so much just pm the person directly if its no then its no.You have a photo with mark be grateful , some of us cant get there to see them .

Start a topic elsewhere asking for photos , and leave this thread alone so jacqui can enjoy here moment .

WELL DONE JACQUI You look fantastic

And off she goes again, our relentless queen.

ITS NOT JACQUI’S TOPIC SHE HAS HER 0WN CALLED MY MORNING AT GMTV … THIS IS JUST A GENERAL GMTV TOPIC ABOUT ALL OUR DAYS AT GMTV ALL EQUALLY AS SPECIAL TO EVERY ONE OF US ..
what the hell is your problem!!!! …..

what the hell have i done …. what have i done to deserve that …

this isnt jacquis topic its a gmtv topic i just asked a question i did nothing do not shout or speak to me like that .. my god grow up woman ive dne nothing to you

ive done nothing to anyone yet getting abuse

shall i just shoot myself wud that make u all happy … dnt no what wud … feckin sick of the lot of you
these boards are a sham … its disgusting the way u spoke to me and others for asking a question

i dnt care about jacqui so i havent even mentioned her in here all i care about is my pic and my day and my memories and my mates memories and day … thanks vicki for a fab day … my fellow marky fan! … see ya soooon ….

Kerry is jealous of Jacqui because Jacqui the massive Mark tard got to go on GMTV and have a makeover (she needed one and she doesn’t look all that better now) from Mark and co.

And with that we end another chapter of the Kerry tales. Kerry is just a gift that keeps on giving, so stay tuned for more of her crazy.

Grace Like Winter was one of Winnipeg’s best band, in my opinion. So far i keep being blown away with bands from Manitoba, (a scene which I am still not too familiar with, but seems to be very religiously inclined, not that it would change my view on how good the music is). This band did an extremely melodic type of hardcore, with two female vocalists, and piano at some points.

They formed in 1998, originally planned as a one night stand band for a party. After playing some shows with original songs they did a six song demo cdr in August 1999. Later that year they would record four songs, which would become their split with From This Day Forth, entitled “Amongst Rusted Hearts” released on Raising the Roof Records in May 2000. This would also be the labels only release. This however did bring the attention of the band to a wider audience, and landed them a load of shows, including an eastern Canada tour. It was at this point that the band would also make their only two compilation appearances, both songs coming from the split. The first was “Songs from the Salad Bar, Volume 2″ from Salad Dressing Records, and the last was the well known “Until the 9th Hour” from Flame Resistant magazine, which had a load of well known hardcore bands.

Grace Like Winter went under during the 2000-2001 winter, but did come back for the summer, and would record their final output, The Red EP in August 2001. The band switched some members but vanished naturally in September 2002. Their material is quite hard to find, and I don’t even know how many copies of their releases exist. I’d love to get my hands on physical copies though!

I don’t have their ‘99 demo, so if any of you guys have it, I would be super happy if you could post a download link in a comment.

Grace Like Winter Myspace
Grace Like Winter Discography

a time to find than most taxpayers, they are hard to get, we put a plaque in Home Secretary Jacqui Smith's South London residence to honor their service to the people. Last July, MPs (surprisingly) voted to keep their second home allowances (together) with a 2.25 percent wage increase. The rules enable the Home Secretary to pay € 116.000 entitled to their second home in the constituency of Redditch, shares which (they perform with her husband and his wives Parliamentary advisor to £ 40,000-a-year) and …

See Also : home diyhomedecor.blogs.thaihealth.net http://remodeling-diy.blogspot.com/

Not much to report from this week’s omnibus, other than that there’s all sorts of romantic shenanigans going on:

the Osbornes

Now we rated this couple the moment they got hitched and so are very happy to report that Hannah and Darren are turning into something rather sweet: Hannah, all hair, eyes and borderline alcoholism is intent on preventing Darren from sliding into a yet another gambling flavoured disaster; whilst Darren is wooing his missus with unbranded loo roll, economy burgers and Jaws 4 on DVD (swoon) – and even turned down the chance of some illicit hate sex with Cindy! Cuter that a basket of kittens, we love them!

Jacqui and Des

Yeah, so Des is a bit annoying at times but we like the way he seems to have tamed Jacqui and her scally ways. Having said that, knowing Jacqui’s luck with men we give it a month before her new man has slept with/impregnated one (if not all) of her sisters. And her mum too.

Newt-Rae-Gaz

Scallified Newt’s tedious obsession with chav princess Rae has been given a certain triangular je ne sais quoi now that Gaz is also sniffing around. Its all very sullen and angsty. Meh.

Amy and Ste

The flighty 2×2 returned to the village and tried to make amends with her psycho chav-turned-burger entrepreneur ex boyf. Ste was having none of it. Aww.

Lydia and Charlotte

Our fave Myra Hindley lookalike, dismayed at the less than positive write up she got in Sarah’s diary, has managed to creep her way back into Charlotte’s good books (and other places). Run away Charlotte! Run awaaaaaay!

in other news

Archie sits around the village for an entire episode holding a twig

I’m terrified of bugs. Absolutely terrified. I will jump out of the shower (shampoo in hair) and run down the hall screaming if a spider decides to drop in for steam bath. I can’t sleep in a room if I know there is a spider lurking, and don’t even get me started on that whole “you eat 8 spiders a year while you sleep”. Can’t handle it. Nightmares.

So, my quest for a bug killing solution started a few years ago while I was studying in Spain with my amiga Jacqui. We were staying with this little senora named Rosario. Darling woman. She only had one big front tooth, but she could make a Spanish tortilla like nobody’s business. If not for all the walking I would have gained 50 lbs. in a month. Here’s a picture of our little Rosario:

Told you she was *tiny*...

We, of course, didn’t have air conditioning in our building. I mean why, in 100+ humid weather, could you possibly need air conditioning? Considering everytime an ambulance wailed by she would comment on losing another “old” one to the heat… we were obviously just fine sweating through our clothes. In order to not die we opened the windows into the courtyard — well not so much a coutyard, but a hole in the middle of the building where everyone hung their clean underwear, but that’s another story…

It was one of our last nights in Granada and we were finishing up our final projects when a BEAST BUG flew in through my open window. It was essentially a big, green cockroach with wings. Imagine me… screaming, flailing and trying to communicate (insert language barrier here) what the hell was going on. I run through the one long hallway yelling “cucaracha, cucaracha” (the spanish work for cockroach) due to the lack of the actual BEAST BUG’s name. Little Rosario pulls herself up from her nightly soap, grabs a can of what can only be described as toxic waste and sprays the thing to death. A few minutes of aerosol toxic waste. In my room. With the BEAST BUG. At least he was dead right?

She grabs him up and sends him swirling down the toilet. Things had calmed down, until I re-entered my now bug free room and began to immediately choke on the toxic waste. Coughing, heaving, eyes watering, gagging, more heaving etc. were all a part of my next hour. If I ever develop some sort of respiratory disease or lung cancer, this is why.

I have since determined that there has to be a better way to manage these pests. Running soap in eyes through the halls and choking on toxic waste just can’t be the only options. Enter my birthday present:

It electrocutes any little creepy crawler or flying beetle that decides to mess with me and/or just hang around on the front porch. Some call it sadistic, I call it preventative measures.

Today I am grateful for Jacqui Bonwell.

I went to Jacqui’s Master Chakra Cleanse at Prana Power Yoga in Cambridge.  I’ve heard that it’s a “life changing” class and holy cow, it really is.  If you practice yoga and have had a chance to practice with Jacqui you’ll know what I’m talking about.  If not, I highly recommend one of her Master Chakra Cleanses.  In the most loving and awe-inspiring way, she creates a safe space where you can dig down to the very root of your soul and begin to heal.

She’s an inspiring teacher and one I am very grateful to have met.

Hello my adoring fans (or rather, my lack thereof) I have returned!

Now, I can’t claim to be Labour’s biggest supporter nor will I be a voter of their party when I turn eighteen, however I would like to defend Gordon Brown in this blog. This past week has had the media show that Gordon Brown can do absolutely NOTHING right in the apparent eyes of the public.

Let’s start with Sunday, shall we? Sunday, as we all know was Remembrance Sunday where we all mourn the tragic loss of those who gave their lives for our freedom, and upon this day the Commonwealth’s powers-that-be gather, including the Prime Minister, at the Cenotaph in London whereupon they lay a wreath in respect for those we have lost. Now, when it was Gordon’s turn he was supposed to, approach the Cenotaph, lay his wreath, take a step back and bow his head; however, The Rt. Hon. Mr Brown forgot the last step in this procedure and caused absolute uproar. Now, I could possibly understand people being offended by Gordon Brown disrespecting those we’ve lost, or not bothering to attend, however, it is evident that Gordon Brown respects these people and laments their loss, criticising him for forgetting to bow his head it little more than pedantic and petty.

His next gaffe came with his letter to Jacqui James Janes, as it is the PM’s duty to write to the next-of-kin of those lost in war, he wrote to her, but came under criticism from The Sun for his spelling mistakes, repeating “my sincere condolences” and even for forgetting to dot his I’s, this, of course is an absolute disgrace and we must completely disregard the fact that the prime minister took the time to write this letter by hand, this is evidently irrelevant and not a symbol of his care.

Monday’s issue of the Daily Mail also took it upon themselves to write an article on how Gordon Brown jogs incorrectly saying that his outfit was “the sort of outfit that morbidly obese turn up in at the local leisure centre.” Stop jogging Gordon Brown, you’re ruining this country and are an absolutely awful person.

Yes, it is evident that no matter what Gordon Brown does he can’t do it right.

Hollyoaks is just totally uninspiring at the moment – so uninspiring that it’s taking us like days to think of something to write.

There are a few things that are starting to get right on our tits:

Anita. Perpetual whinging. False anorexia. 24/7 scowl – IF THE WIND CHANGES YOU’LL BE STUCK LIKE THAT, LOVE. GRRRRRRRR!!!!

A day in the life of Spencer: mumbles something incoherent about Warren. Argues with Calvin/Sasha/Mercy/Malachy. Sacks Calvin/Sasha/Mercy/Malachy. Re-employs Calvin/Sasha/Mercy/Malachy. Injures himself in some freak accident with a firework/drill/boiling pan of baked beans. Pursues ill advised and doomed to failure friendship/romance with unenthusiastic student. Wears that red checked coat. THIS IS ALL HE DOES. IN EVERY EPISODE.

Why does the McQueen home always have that weird yellow tinge at night time? It must be like living inside a tumour.

Vacuum vag Mercy is at it again. Umbraged that Malachy hasn’t put out for 12 whole days she promptly pounced on Calvin (and who wouldn’t). We sussed the sexual tension yonks ago and though nothing more happened than a sneaky smooch, their antsy arguing blates means that they will be bumping uglies (or is that more pretties?) some time soon. And we’d like to be there when that happens.

BTW – Calvin was rejected by returning poo-knickered student India? Suspension of disbelief stretched too far.

in other news: Jacqui’s scally pictures from Hollyoaks Later showed up in Slapper magazine; Josh looks hawt dressed as a woman. So does Dave, kinda; New pavements cause chaos – as ever, the Chester Herald is at the cutting edge of the news agenda

That’s all. Come on Hollyoaks, buck your ideas up.

Today we arrived in Vegas.. On the way to vegas we stopped at Barstow (they sold guns in the little market) and we drove throught baker which has the worlds largest thermometer!! we are having a great time in vegas we saw caesars, bellagio, planet hollywood and had an awesome buffet..

Wish you were here, Missing you all xoxo

Arrived in LA yesterday morning at 9.45am – had trouble getting through US customs they couldnt believe that we were travelling for 3 months (they only get 10 days annual leave a year)!

Hoped on our shuttle bus and checked into our hotel in Anaheim.. Yesterday arvo we layed by the pool, ate taco bell and then went to Disney Land!! OMG Mickeys hallowwen party was awesome!! Today we went on an OC Tour which was awesome (we almost missed the bus but because was daylight savi ngs we were ok)..!!

We are having a great time and have met alot of really cool people!! Tonight we may go and have a drink with a few of the girls from our tour.. If not we are going to have an early night and get ready for our LA sightseeing and movie star tour.. Missing you and wish you were here xo

We have had a greats few days.. We went on the OC tour which was lovely!! When i win lotto this is where i want to live!

We went on a cruise of balboa harbor we saw the house that marissa and ryan in the OC lived, we saw the school, we saw kobe bryant and mel gibsons house.. We had lunch at an old school dinner then we went to fashion island..

Yesterday we went on the LA sightseeing tour.. We saw the Staples Centre – where the lakers play, the church of scientology and sister act, went to the markets, saw the hollywood sign, went to hollywood boulevarde, sunset drive, rodeo drive, the 711 hugh grant got arrested at we saw the playboy mansion, mj’s house and aaron spellings house.. We then had lunch at the farmers markets then headed out to the beach cities santa monica,  the disgusting venice beach and the marina del ray.. Was a bit dissapointed with hollywood..

We have met some really great people though.. Missing you and wish you were here xoxo

Okay, so we were out and about the night of episode 4, watching Michael McIntyre do his gentle family comedy thang (though with many unexpected jokes about blowjobs. Shocking).

As a result we missed the Biggest Death to happen to Hollyoaks in a long time. FFS! So we tuned into 4OD today knowing that Sarah’s untimely demise was on the way and…

OMFG!!!!!

What else can we say about it? Hollyoaks has had its fair share of death scenes but this one take the biscuit in terms of spectacularity and tension. Poor old Sarah didn’t stand a chance as she plummeted towards earth – never has a clear blue sky and golden cornfield been so terrifying.

Wow.

And then there was the end bit, where the DILF was informed of his daughter’s squishy fate. Sob!

So Lydia’s demented and poorly thought out plan to take out love rival Zoe back fired spectacularly. Hubris, eh?

everything else in the episode paled into insignificance, but in summary:

More beautiful nature (has Hollyoaks ever looked so good?) as Hannah and Jamie sought refuge on the beach, dark doom-laden clouds overhead

Rhys gets royally kicked in by Kev and Blue. We know we should be sad about this, but we can’t quite manage it

Jacqui and Carmel both get banged up cos of Evil Southerners – for the trashing of sleazy photographer man Wayne’s studio for the former, vice squad entrapment for the latter.

Cindy and Tony FINALLY agreed to marry each other. Cindy fessed up her scam, and they both said something about not wanting to look around corners. GET ON WITH IT we felt like shouting, Holy Grail-style. Still, we got to spend time with Darren and Cindy did look very pretty even though she was covered in mud and her tiara was askew.

quotes

“Conniving, lying, nasty shrew…cheating, thieving midget” Tony’s description of Cindy. “A bit harsh” was Darren’s response.

So yeah. As with last year, the big death happened in the penultimate episode. And it was a corker. Put us off skydiving (and unhealthy relationships with disturbed lesbians) for life, but a corker nonetheless. Yay!

We were a bit frazzled from work and so not in the best frame of mind for Later. We found it all a bit overwhelming, for the following reasons…

dwarves

Dom’s slightly unhinged new love Emma was getting hitched to Eddie, described on the Hollyoaks Later website as a ‘friendly dwarf’, who kicked Dom’s ass. Quite unexpectedly we were in Psychoville.

anal sex references

We missed this one somehow but were alerted to it by one of WLH’s pals on Twitter, something about Tony taking Jacqui ‘up the aisle’. So so wrong.

imposter kids

Out of the blue there is a new kid playing Tony’s son Harry – and a bizarro kid at that. Where the orginal Harry was just your average cutesy moppet, this new kid is a child incarnation of Mr Humphries (and a camper incarnation at that). Now we dont ordinarily have a problem with freaky kids, but a little warning would have been nice.

Theresa singing

Having attempted a career in amateur porn in order to accumulate enough cash to take her skanky jailbird mum on hol, Theresa was then told by said skank mum to, in effect, ‘do one’ as skank mum had her own travel plans. Poor little Theresa responded by singing hopefully to her unmoved mother. We’ve never been a big fan of Theresa, but this was heartbreaking stuff. *wipes tears from eyes*

disturbing shit

It had to happen (this being a late night spin off after all) but things suddenly got rather dark tonight: Jacqui got shitfaced and self destructive, allowing Evil Southerner Wayne to take nekkid photos of her; a drunken Sarah getting all sexually assaulty on a drunker Zoe, as fast-approaching-murderous Lydia listened in; Hannah’s pilled out happiness with Jamie was shattered by discovering Imogen in full on crack-whore mode – and then getting a slap of evil Kev for her troubles. Pretty Jamie then took a beating too. And if all of that wasn’t enough to fuck with our heads, we were also treated to the sight of a post-coital Rhys. Brains. Caved. In.

Quotes

“We’ll always have the reverse cowgirl” Emma gets misty eyed about her night with Dom.

later naughtiness

30 mins Michaela says arse

36 mins Theresa’s monstrous jail bird mum Katheen references Theresa smuggling Galaxy chocolate into the prison up her vag

43mins Lydia calls Zoe a poisonous bitch

52 Jacqui says uber bolloks

the end bit: gratuitous naked arse shot of Tony

Despite the head fuckage though we loved it!

So here we are again – spin off time! Last year we had Vile Niall (RIP – sob) raising hell in scotland, Sarah and Zoe indulging in illicit lez action, Mercy and Mal’s Team HIV wedding and Josh being a bit of a twat. What delights does the Later Hollyverse have to offer us this time?

As ever, there is a quartet of storylines:

serious storyline 1: the impending Lydia-is-a-psycho plot

Yep this one has been a-brewing for a while, with jealous, rodent faced Myra Hindley tribute act Lydia gatecrashing an action holiday starring Sarah, Zoe, Steph, Fernando and Gilly.

Thinks of note:

• Has Steph always been such a rampant homophobe? Bitch
• Gilly. Swoon.
• Staff Kingsley: a less fun rip off of Mike/Spaced
• Loved when Lydia appeared at the camp, bathed in eerie moonlight, just as Gilly was telling a scary story. Unsubtle yet still very apt.

comedy storyline 1: the McQueens go to LDN

Michaela and Theresa head to our fair capital to pursue Theresa’s burgeoning career as a tom/glamour model and to visit Theresa’s scally mum in prison. It was a mixed bag of fortunes – Theresa got a gig with Miss Sixteen magazine but then they also got in a fight with a tramp and ended up spending the night in some no doubt fragrant public lavs. The lord gives and he takes away. Still, Jacqui and Carmel are hot footing it to the rescue. Hurrah!

Things of note:

• Love Jacqui’s prostitute-chic PVC minge-height boots. Amaze
• Quote: “you’ve got a mum in prison and you’re from the north” angry Londoner receptionist lady clocks Theresa’s X-Factor sobstory immediately

serious storyline 2: the Ashworth’s go to a festival and meet some dangerous types in a plot that is not-at-all-like-something-out-of-Skins

Our fave sibling group consisting of an incesticider, annoying indie landfill troll and an anorexic headed to a random brand musical festival by the sea and were promptly targetted by sinister posho cokeheads Jamie and Imogen. Remember kids: drugs ARE BAD mkay?

Things of note:

• We HATE Rhys. It never lessens, only grows

comedy storyline 2: Cindy and Tony’s wedding

After some unexpected declarations of love from poor barreness Jacqui and a spot of comedy violence (see below), Tony and Cindy headed off to a very big house in the country to get hitched, with Holly, Dom, Darren and Cindy’s random chav mate  Savannah.

Things of note:

• Jacqui and Cindy’s girly fight was truly grim – the least erotic girlfight ever caught on film
• Cindy needs to get her roots done, big time
• We learn Savannah once used Holly as a drugs mule. Rather enterprising we say.
• Darren surpassed all previous heights of fashion greatness with a cap-on-sideways, big silver chain and shiny silver tracky top ensemble. Lersh.
• Quote: “Darren: even the name says can of lager” harsh but true comment from Savannah

Later naughtiness

It is a law of the Hollyoaks’ spinoff that characters suddenly start using swearwords and flashing the odd bumcheek or boob. So, as with Hollyoaks Later 2008, here is tonight’s offerings blow by blow, so to speak:

26 mins Jacqui says “bitch”

32 mins Rhys says “arse”

46 mins  Jacqui says “bloody”

Not much swearing and no nudity, violence, sex or rapeage (as yet) but still a decent enough start. Lydia is shaping up to be a good psycho, so roll on episode 2!

Slide Sideways 'The Moon Walks A Tight Rope' Size: 14 x 18 Inches $30 Each

Here is a great print from Jacqui + Scott at Slide Sideways. This print is called ‘The Moon Walks A Tight Rope’ and it is a 3 colour 14 x 18 inch hand screen print on 100lb cover stock, comes stamped and signed by the artists for $35 each.

Check it out HERE

Currently I am taking part in an Internship at OMD Sydney.

All the workers here are great and the atmosphere is incredible!!!

Now although the ’Jason Echo digital Project’ is well underway, it doesnt mean that all my attention should be solely on promoting myself. Helping out others is always a good thing to do, and if you watch ‘My Name is Earl’ and believe in Karma then helping out others should be the ONLY thing to do. So to help out one of the workers here at OMD I present to you ‘30 things for Jacqui’ (link below).  It’s quite a good blog site actually. Its Jacqui doing something new each day for a month, the things she tries and the things she gets up to is simple and amazing or better worded simply amazing!!

At the very least you should give it a quick preview!

www.30thingsforjacqui.com

Former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has suffered a major setback in her legal battle with American ’shock jock’ Michael Savage after her officials were accused of banning him from the country on racial grounds. Emails written by Home Office officials privately acknowledged the ban on Mr Savage would provide ‘balance’ to a list dominated by Muslims – and linked the decision to Gordon Brown and Foreign Secretary David Miliband.

The officials admitted their action could look ‘duplicitous’ and cited his ‘homophobia’ as a reason the move would receive public support.

The Right-wing radio presenter, whose hardline views on Islam, rape and autism have caused outrage in the US but whose show, The Savage Nation, has eight million listeners, was identified in May by Ms Smith as one of 16 people barred due to their political views.

Home Secretary Alan Johnson is to scrap his predecessor’s policy of naming and shaming people banned from Britain for spreading race hate and terrorism. The U-turn follows Jacqui Smith’s controversial decision two months ago to announce a list of 16 people branded as ‘least wanted’ in the UK. It led to a claim for £100,000 damages by U.S. radio ’shock jock’ Michael Savage, who objected to being put in the same category as Islamic hate preachers and terrorists. The Mail on Sunday has been told that Mr Johnson believes the move was a blunder and does not propose to issue similar lists in the future. But the switch could have major legal consequences for the Government.