Satire. 1, a- A literary work in which human vice or folly is ridiculed or attacked scornfully. b- The branch of literature that composes such work.

2. Irony, derision or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice or stupidity.

That definition is the first line of dialogue that Damon Wayan’s Pierre Delacroix speaks in Bamboozled. Bamboozled is Spike Lee’s blistering and often hilarious look at Hollywood and the American media’s portrayal of African-Americans in film, on television and on the theatrical stage. Spike pulls no punches in his assault on what he saw as the modern-day minstrel show that still continues to dominate Hollywood’s portrayal of what it is to be black in America. And, he also points his camera, and his finger, at those he feels enable and tolerate this attitude, even pointing that finger at himself and the actors in the movie at times. Who else but Spike Lee would have the nerve to use footage from his own movies to poke fun at himself? It’s one of Lee’s most honest movies. Watching it again, I’m struck by how brilliant the movie is at times and how brave this movie is. I’m also struck by how under appreciated it is. Most people haven’t seen it. It was barely released in 2000.

The movie follows Delacroix, a highly paid writer at a major TV network. The network is starting to lose ratings and pressure is put on Delacroix to create the next “black hit TV show” by his boss (Michael Rapaport). Given the choice of writing a new black show just to make his boss happy or get fired, he decides to rebel and have a little revenge on his racist boss and network. Delacroix comes up with a plan to create a show so negative, offensive and racist that it will never air and get him fired (Delacroix can’t quit, it’s in his contract). He enlists two homeless street performers named Manray and Womack. Manray is a talented tap dancer and Womack is his street emcee. Delacroix writes a show that stars Manray and Womack in black face make up in a modern-day minstrel show. The show is called “Mantan: The New Millenium Minstrel Show.” The show is offensive beyond belief. But, much to the shock and horror of almost everyone involved, the show is an overnight sensation. An instant hit that makes stars out of Manray and Womack almost instantly. Things start to spiral completely out of control after that. The lives of everyone involved with the making of the show are ruined and some of the characters don’t survive to see the credits roll.

The movie has some great touches: at times biting, offensive and hilarious, sometimes simultaneously. There’s fake commercials that are so overtly racist and offensive. They’re made even more offensive when you realize that real commercials, movies, and hip hop videos can be more racist than the stuff in Bamboozled. The board game Othello is in the background as Delacroix’s mother chastises him over the phone about how bad his TV show is.  Footage from Malcolm X is used to emphasize the word “bamboozled”. The fact that everyone in the movie is aware of what they’re doing is amazing to me. This movie shines because of the great performances of everyone involved. Wayans, Jada Pinkett and Mos Def all give great performances. I think this is Damon Wayan’s best work.

The movie does lose some of its focus as it reaches its climax. Spike juggles outrage, humor and anguish in the movie’s final act. It might have been more than Spike could handle at the time. During the movie’s last half hour there are scenes that are extremely tragic but are sprinkled with comedy. It makes it a little disconcerting to laugh when the only survivor of a militant gang is the only white guy in the group who cries when he realizes the cops didn’t shoot him because he is white.

It’s definitely one of those movies that needs to be watched a few times for it to really sink in. The first time you see it, you’re cringing in disbelief at what you’re seeing half of the time, which I think ultimately is what Lee was aiming for in the film. It’s also a homage to Network. Bamboozled predicted shows like “Flavor Of Love” in the same way Network predicted the coming of shock TV and Jerry Springer.

I give Bamboozled 4 Pitchforks.

Since I owe a week’s (?) worth for an entry:

GAAH. I am sick. Very sick, fever, coughing and the runs (on my nose, mind you!). And it came from out of nowhere! I felt fine yesterday, I danced and trained and then this morning BOOM! Like a rug pulled under me, I woke up with a splitting headache and a thermometer screaming 38. I am thinking about not going to my 7:30 class tomorrow to rest. And as always, I do have a lot of stuff in my head and here’s one of the nagging thoughts I had since last week.

I got a lace top, transparent and unwearable! The whole thing with lace right now is in right? HAHA. Like I said, fashion trends get to me late and I’m actually picky if I’d like to follow said trend or not. See-through lace kinda scared me but I wanted so much to try and wear it and I was looking for ways how to.

Here’s a modest take from Tricia Gosingtian who wore a nice Topshop dress:

I love her boots and the way she wears her clothes and the dress itself (visit her site, but I think it’s too dressy for me. Where would I go? Right, I promised my girls we’d go out more often. Hee

And then I was watching “The Women” on HBO, I noticed Jada Pinkett-Smith wear the lace under a leather jacket. Couldn’t find a nicer photo to showcase the outfit better, this is the best that I could do:

Basically, I found a way to wear it. Now to find a nice jacket to pair with the jeans and the lace top I just got. Good luck to me.

On another note, on a very very far note: I’m going on an immersion to Lubao,Pampanga this Friday. I’m excited and scared out of my wits, I’ve been constantly  re-checking what to bring. (Which reminds me I have to have look for a good flashlight!) We’re going to the farmers sector and live with the family’s there. I’m nervous – will my foster parents like me? I hope my fever dies down and my sniffles will shut it by tomorrow. It would be embarrassing if my foster family got sick because of me. :s

As always, another day another obstacle to tackle. More on that later. Still debating on whether or not I should go to class tomorrow so I can rest up for my trip.

What do you think?

*Sheens

Fela! opened on Broadway to fairly positive reviews yesterday, the show’s producers, Jay-Z, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, have brought some name recognition to a largely unknown and lively group of artists, most of whom transferred over from the Off-Broadway version of the show.

The critics all agree that Fela! offers up something new – though whether those audiences will love the offering or not is up for debate. Here’s what they said:

NEW YORK TIMES

Anyone who worried that Bill T. Jones’s singular, sensational show might lose its mojo in transferring to Broadway can relax. True, this kinetic portrait of Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, a Nigerian revolutionary of song, has taken on some starry producers — including Shawn Carter (Jay-Z) and Will and Jada Pinkett Smith — and shed 15 or 20 minutes since it was staged Off Broadway last year. But it has also acquired greater focus, clarity and intensity. In a season dominated by musical retreads and revivals, “Fela!,” which stars the excellent Sahr Ngaujah and Kevin Mambo (alternating in the title role), throbs with a stirring newness that is not to be confused with novelty. Read the full review.

ASSOCIATED PRESS

The political messages do not detract from the terrific work by the cast, the overriding musicality and outstandingly sensuous dance performances. “Fela!” is a unique Broadway experience that leaves the audience on their feet and wanting more. Read the full review.

USA TODAY

Fela!’s choreography is … livelier and more sophisticated. Executed by a dynamic cast, it’s the perfect companion to Kuti’s supple tunes and pulsing grooves, served with virtuosity by a band conducted by Antibalas’ Aaron Johnson. Delivering exuberant storytelling through song and dance, Fela! achieves something closer to the essence of great musicals than many more conventional shows have of late. Read the full review.

VARIETY

Will the average Broadway matinee lady be comfortable participating in a practical demonstration of how to tell time with her ass? That’s exactly what takes place in “The Clock,” a particularly frisky sequence of “Fela!” in which the entire audience is on its feet learning from the able-bodied dance corps what Swiss-movement booty work is all about. And it’s just one of countless ways in which Bill T. Jones’ wildly loose-limbed journey into the throbbing heart of Afrobeat breaks bold new ground in musical theater. Read the full review.

TALKIN’ BROADWAY

The Shrine may have gotten a lot bigger, but the religion of Fela! has not grown less electrifying. Just over a year after Bill T. Jones and Jim Lewis’s musical about Nigerian Afrobeat pioneer Fela Anikulapo-Kuti had its cramped premiere Off-Broadway at 37 Arts, it’s now blasted into the Eugene O’Neill, where its creators – and its superstar producing team, which includes Jay-Z, Will Smith, and Smith’s wife Jada Pinkett Smith – are intent on proving that a bigger hall is just as apt a venue for its political-party aesthetic. They got it half right. Read the full review.

US

Director: Spike Lee

135 min

Messy? Unfocused? Incoherent? Grotesque? Yes, Spike Lee’s ‘Bamboozled’ are all these things and more. On the other hand, it’s an angry, biting satire on racism in the visual media since the advent of cinema and television. Always one of the most controversial and confrontational of all American film makers, Lee pulls no punches. What he places on screen over two and a quarter hours will stimulate debate and divide audiences. Some will loathe the film and pick apart its myriad shortcomings. Others will enthusiastically endorse it and applaud his guts. This is what cinema ought to be about.

The basic premise is a meeting of ‘Network’ and ‘The Producers’ but given the historical context of race in America. At the heart of the film is Pierre Delacroix, a pompous Harvard-educated black television writer who speaks with an implausible, presumably affected accent, and boy, doesn’t Wayans wander all over the place with his performance. Lee no doubt sets Delacroix up as the morally confused anti-hero. It’s difficult to sympathise with his actions both before and after his big break. Frustrated at being unable to get any shows off the ground, his ridiculously ‘down with it’ superior, Thomas Dunwitty (Michael Rapaport) challenges him to create something ‘hip’, something ‘fresh’, something ‘black’. The answer? A modern-day black and white minstrel show…..with, get this! Black actors in blackface! Of course this show ought to appal anyone with liberal sensibilities and even those without, but in true farcical style, ‘Mantan: The New Millennium Minstrel Show’ becomes an unlikely, but wildly successful hit.

Critics who’ve been supportive of Lee’s motivations behind making the film have been reluctant to endorse this aspect of his film. The misjudged behaviour of Ted Danson, when he blacked up when dating Whoopi Goldberg probably lingers in the mind. Lee has a serious point to make though and goes to extreme lengths to make it. Think about it for a second. With the exception of ‘Roots’, how often does American television produce serious dramas about the black community? Why are all shows that feature the black community comedies, that usually involve black characters at the butt of any jokes. It’s hardly the place to go into it but try dissecting ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ for a second and consider the precarious ground it stands on under scrutiny. With the Mantan minstrel show, Lee satirises this depiction of blacks in the visual media, grotesquely exaggerating it by using the single most offensive depiction of blacks ever – the cotton plantations – that nefarious symbol of slavery and oppression. The manner in which audiences, initially bemused, come to accept this nasty set-up is frighteningly plausible. Decades of normalised race relations seem to be paper-thin and wear down easily.

Beyond the initial premise, there is a case that Lee can’t keep a reasonable grip on his material and that the developments in the narrative thereafter seem a bit contrived. Sloan Hopkins (Jada Pinkett-Smith), Delacroix’s assistant, whom Lee establishes as the film’s moral centre, has a pivotal role in events getting out of hand – she romances Manray, AKA Mantan (Savion Glover), whilst her ‘gangsta’ brother, Big Blak Afrika (Mos Def) kidnaps and organises the execution of Manray once he’s fired by the studio for rejecting the racist nature of the show. Although difficult to swallow, these events come to bring Delacroix to his senses, having been consumed by his own success. Lee ends his film with a recording Hopkins made for Delacroix, which remains the film’s strongest and angry segment, and none of it is Lee’s original work. It’s a lengthy montage of racist and demeaning clips from Hollywood and television, including ‘Birth of a Nation’, ‘The Jazz Singer’ and ‘Gone With The Wind’. It’s a powerful statement in its own right, and although Lee’s film wavers in quality, it lends it credibility and authority. ‘Bamboozled’ won’t be everyone’s cup of tea – Lee had to produce it on digital video when studios naturally avoided it like the plague – but one can’t deny it’s one of the most important American films of the decade.

ARE THE STARS OUT TONIGHT?: Yes, and most of ‘em are working on and off Broadway. Liev Schreiber and Scarlett Johansson are currently in

JOHANSSON: room for A View

rehearsals for the revival of A View From The Bridge, still regarded in some circles as Arthur Miller’s most passionate drama. They start previews right after Christmas, then open at the Cort Theatre on Jan. 24 … Catherine Zeta-Jones and Angela Lansbury are the hot-ticket duo in the revival of Stephen Sondheim’s A Little Night Music down the street at the Walter Kerr Theater. Previews start tomorrow night, less than three weeks before their Dec. 13 opening … Emmy Award winners James Spader and Richard Thomas are already in previews for David Mamet’s

ZETA-JONES: opening tomorrow night

new sizzler, Race, directed by Mamet himself, for a Dec. 6 opening … veteran New York broadcaster Pat Collins calls her the funniest woman on Broadway, and audiences must agree, because Carrie Fisher’s one-woman show, Wishful Drinking, originally slated to close Jan. 3, has been held over another two weeks, to Jan. 17… Victor Garber will celebrate New Year’s Eve, then go right into previews for the revival of Noel Coward’s Present Laughter, set to premiere Jan. 21 at the American Airlines Theatre … 2001: A Space Odyssey alumnus Keir Dullea, who actually worked with Noel Coward, will return to Broadway this spring in a revival of Robert Anderson’s

SPADER: Race card

I Never Sang for My Father. Years ago Dullea and Coward co-starred in a London-made thriller called Bunny Lake Is Missing. After shooting a difficult scene together for director Otto Preminger, Coward turned to the young actor and chirped, “Keir Dullea, gone tomorrow!” Happily his ad-lib was not prophetic … and Tony Award owner Matthew Broderick has taken his act off-Broadway. He opens tonight at the Acorn Theatre in Kenneth Lonergan’s The Starry Messenger, about an astronomy teacher’s affair with a younger woman.  Academy Award nominee Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria Full of Grace) plays the younger woman to Broderick’s married academic.

SMITH: backing B'way newbie

ANOTHER OPENING, ANOTHER ADOPT-A-SHOW: It took volunteer executive producers Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry to put Precious on the map — and did they ever. Now Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter and Will & Jada Pinkett Smith have become first-time Broadway producers, putting their considerable showbiz weight behind the new Broadway musical Fela! which opens tonight at the Eugene O’Neill Theatre after a month of previews. Directed and choreographed by Bill T. Jones, Fela! portrays the extravagant world of controversial music pioneer and Afrobeat legend Fela Anikulapo-Kuti in a hybrid of concert, dance and musical theater. Will audiences buy in? Stay tuned … and Tony winner Susan

BRODERICK: opening tonight

Stroman will direct the first-ever production of The Scottsboro Boys, an unproduced Kander & Ebb musical, off-Broadway at the Vineyard Theatre. The show will begin previews on February 12 and open on March 10. The Scottsboro Boys explores the infamous Scottsboro case of the 1930s, in which a group of African-American teenagers were unjustly accused of attacking two white women, and the boys’ attempts to prove their innocence.

And yes, it’s a musical.

TOMORROW:

Fangs for the Memories.

I was on my FB (facebook) and a friend of mine put together a video of  Will Smith’s interviews…I can definitely say it is worth watching the whole video..please watch…

Supposed Jada Pinkett Smith (yes, wife of Will Smith) is in a metal-core band, Wicked Wisdom.

So odd, but her voice isn’t half bad.

Myspace

Wicked Wisdom and lead singer Jada Pinkett-Smith

The 5’0, 38 year old black actress/producer/model/author and singer-songwriter Jada Pinkett-Smith is probably not what you think of when I say heavy metal, but sure enough, she is the lead singer of the rock band, Wicked Wisdom.

Wicked Wisdom is a heavy metal band, from what I can tell, composed of mostly black artists, yet you wouldn’t know it from the music.  Their musical style could easily be branded as “angry white people music” without drawing too many objections from even the most racially conscious critics.  You won’t see them on BET or at a black musical festival, but don’t be surprised however if you do see them banging their heads at Ozzfest.

The fact that there is a large disconnect between their racial identity and their intended audience has forced them to deal with issues that other rock bands don’t deal with as well as find strategies to give themselves a fighting chance at rock notoriety.  When slated to appear at the rock festival, Ozzfest in 2005, the group and festival received a large amount of threats and disapproving comments because the mainstream heavy metal scene was not ready to see a pre-dominantly black group enter their music community.  The organizers defended their choice and Wicked Wisdom went on to play to increasingly larger audiences, slowly gaining the respect of the rock music community.

After the tour, Jada said, “The first six shows were really rough. We had a steep learning curve. Those first few shows, the fans were brutal. By the time we got to show No. 7 the audience started to come around. By the end of the tour, during our last set, we had three mosh pits going while we were playing. The crowd was truly with us.”

Additionally, the race of the band has caused them to market themselves differently than other bands.  If you look at their music videos and website, you would have no idea that they are in fact a predominantly black band.  The images are chosen in such a way that promotes racial ambiguity so that people don’t have the chance to let their preconceived notions about race and music influence their reception of the music itself.

Wicked Wisdom – Bleed All Over Me

Wicked Wisdom is constantly fighting to prove that they belong and have paid their dues in order to be a legitimate rock band, in the same way that white artists like Eminem and Robin Thicke have had to prove their right to sing “black music.” These artists who have left the confines of traditional racial-musical categories have to work twice as hard and be twice as good as their opposite-race counterparts, which is an unfair yet harsh reality of racial identity and classification in this country.

Wicked Wisdom – Something Inside of Me

Justin Clouden

After smoking our brains out and watching this one about *toke* *toke* 100 times, I finally decided I liked this one just as much as Madagascar. There is nothing like gettin ripped and hearing the voices of Chris Rock rambling on… and imagining how good looking Jada is while staring at a fat hippo the whole movie…. *shrugs*…..

LOVE THE PENGUINS!

TSAAM

Madagascar – Escape 2 Africa (Widescreen)

In a joint statement to the AP, Will  Smith and Wife Jada Pinkett Smith of Bel Air have accepted, the gig hosting the Nobel Peace Prize Concert in Oslo, December 13.

Says the Smiths: “The opportunity to recognize the laureate’s contributions to the world peace movement will be an awe-inspiring experience,” the Smiths said in a joint statement. “We are both humbled and honored to take part in the Nobel Peace Prize Concert this year.”

This is so much a better look for Jada Pinkett Smith than raving on about her and her hubby’s fantastic sex life, like she did all last month in magazines! Nice growth in realigning one’s priorities as to what  truly matters in the world.

Performers at the concert include: Wyclef Jean, Toby Keith, Donna Summer, Puerto Rican singer Luis Fonsi and Amadou & Mariam, Mali’s blues jazz duo.

This post on the Nobel Peace Prize organization honoring world peace, is brought  to you by the teen romance novel, Courage To Love by  Californian author Robert Ellis. Courage To Love is the story of World Peace in the Middle East, set in a simple but yet profound love story, that all teens worldwide should read to know what love is.

Music Fest: “SWEET” Concert Last Night at Texas State Forest Festival with Above The Golden State and The Channel & the Red Ink Army. Almost 400 people braved the rain to the dry but awesome concert inside the Expo Center.

5 Tips on How to Avoid Germs on Planes: How to Keep You and Your Family Healthy While Traveling (ABC News)

Keep the Green: 10 Smart Money Moves to Make in Tough Times (Redbook.com)

Movie Reviews: What’s Family Friendly? (Plugged In)

Today In History:
Anne Hutchinson – On this day in 1634, English Puritan Anne Hutchinson, who would become the first notable female religious leader in the American colonies, arrives in Massachusetts.
New York Times – On this day in 1851, The New York Daily Times (now the New York Times) publishes its first issue. In it, publishers Henry J. Raymond and George Jones state, “we intend to issue it every morning (Sundays excepted) for an indefinite number of years.”

Birthday’s:
Lance Armstrong – American cyclist and five time winner of the Tour de France, born in 1971.
Jada Pinkett Smith – American actress, wife of actor Will Smith, born in 1971.

Odd News: A Baltimore teen wrote a message, put it in a bottle and threw it into the ocean. Five years later, his note turned up on the other side of the Atlantic. Daniel Knopp was 14-year-old high school student when he wrote the short note on June 21, 2004. He had been vacationing at the time with his parents aboard a cruise ship departing Freeport in the Bahamas. Tony Hoskings, a retired electrician, was walking his dog along a sandy beach when he spotted the green glass receptacle on July 18. Although the bottle was a little worse for wear, the letter was very readable. He waited until he was in the company of his grandchildren to uncork the bottle and read the message: “Hello, my name is Daniel Knopp. I am on a cruise ship. I hope whoever reads this finds great joy. God bless. I live in the Baltimore/DC area.”

Word

querolous [kwer-uh-luhs, kwer-yuh-] adj. 1. full of complaints; complaining 2. characterized by or uttered in complaint; peevish: a querulous tone; constant querulous reminders of things to be done

Birthday

Trajan (53), Samuel Johnson (1709), George Read (1733), Greta Garbo (1905), Jack Warden (1920), Robert Blake (1933), Frankie Avalon (1939), Fred Willard (1939), Dee Dee Ramone (1952), James Gandolfini (1961), Holly Robinson Peete (1964), Lance Armstrong (1971), Jada Pinkett Smith (1971), James Marsden (1973), Xzibit (1974), Jason Sudeikis (1975)

Standpoint

If you’re an avid reader of this blog, and it’s shame if you’re not, you’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an above-average humorous individual. To put it mildly.

And, after reaching  that conclusion, I’m betting you’ve wondered, “Hey. How’d that guy get so goddamn funny? What his secret?” Well, it stems from all kinds of places. I will say that, coming from a family with five other siblings competing for attention at the dinner table, it didn’t take a genius to figure out the the proper execution of well-timed humor earned you a little more time at the podium during the nightly palaver.

But that wasn’t all there was to it. I had my influences. At a young age, I decided every single person in the entertainment business was essentially just borrowing material from somewhere or another, and presenting it as their own original ponderings. But, once in a while, I’d see something that either (a) was borrowing shit from so many different places it did actually became original content, or (b) was original content. Watching anything that fell into one of those categories represented a possibility of, for me at least, a tiny shred of hope the world wasn’t doomed to watch garbage like “Charles In Charge” or “Who’s The Boss?” for the rest of eternity.  

Here are a few things you can watch if you want to see exactly what I’m talking about. (Note: It’s a coincidence that Dave Foley is in two of the three clips here. Or maybe not. He’s a funny motherfucker.) (Another note: I was going to embed the videos but I couldn’t with some so just hit the link.)

Clip One – NewsRadio – “The Cane”

Phil Hartman has my vote as the funniest person ever to put two feet on Earth’s soil. This scene from “NewsRadio” with Dave Foley represents most of the range Hartman possessed. Foley is great, too.

 Clip(s) Two – Kids In The Hall – “King of Empty Promises” and The State – “Porcupine Racetrack”

“Kids In The Hall” is debatably the funniest sketch comedy show of all-time. Other might say it was “The State.” I lean towards the latter, but, really it all depends on my mood. Both were unendingly funny. Both went places similar shows (“SNL” “MADtv”) either weren’t allowed to go or were incapable of. These two sketches helped convinced me there were other like-minded lunatics out there in the world.

Clip Three – Black Books – “Bernard Black Drunk”

This clip from “Black Books” – the British sitcom that aired on the UK’s Channel 4 for three seasons and the US’ Comedy Central for about one hour late some random Sunday night – is representative of the completely hilarious work Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey did on this unfortunately still-unknown classic.

 Sadly, if you don’t find any/all of this funny, there’s only one thing wrong with you. You would fail to recognize humor if it walked up and kneecapped you.

Quotation

A drunk driver’s very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunken backseat driver – if he’s persuasive. ← Demetri Martin

Tune

Yesterday, I revealed that I’m a sucker for a song with well-written lyrics. Well, there’s something that can make a song with well-written lyrics even better. And that’s a multi-part harmony. When done the right way, multiple harmonies can turn an ordinary song into an anthem. The multiple harmony song usually starts off kind of slow, but that’s not a requirement. There is one steadfast rule, though, each harmony, and its corresponding lyrics, has to be introduced separately. A byproduct of that is the song can travel all over the rythmic spectrum, producing the effect of several songs contained in one. The result of the crescendo is an overlapping vocal harmony where all the separate vocal sections are woven into each other and the best parts of each accompanying melody are grooved into one. The final minute of such a song should make you want to turn up the volume, roll down the windows and hit the gas pedal. That’s how you know it’s a good one. I have five favorite songs falling into that category. But, I think I’ve decided that “See These Bones” by Nada Surf is the greatest. The best part is when Matthew Caws comes in with “The lights in the city are more or less blinking/Which side of the story decides what you’re thinking.” It’s the beginning of the end. But in a really good way. Listen to it. I’m not wrong. Right?

Gallimaufry

→ Man, am I glad I never got around to removing the PEOPLE SUCK sticker from the interior of my car. Because, I’m really sorry, it’s one of the indisputable truths of this world. Need more proof than the cool sticker in my car? Check out WhyTheFuckDoYouHaveAKid.com. As Jonathan Schmock, the actor who played the Chez Quiz Maitre D’ in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (click that link to watch the original movie trailer.), stated so very snootily, “I weep for the future.”

→ You know what’s a really great thing? When the mayor of one of the largest cities in the country plays chicken with the state legislature using innocent peoples’ jobs as a bargaining chip. That’s what Philadelphia’s mayor, Michael Nutter, did with the jobs of 3,000 municipal workers in an attempt to pry money out of Pennsylvania. It worked. But still. Kind of shitty.

→ All right. Need to make a teensy tiny request of the fashion world here. Please make the fucking Snuggie go away. I’ll help in whatever way I can. Just let me know where to be and when to ber there. For centuries, individuals have made an easy time of having a blanket on top of them as they relax. It’s kind of like Basic Human Knowledge 101.  We don’t need one that slips over our heads. We are not Old West Mexican gunfighters.

Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan in Beijing

Here’s a really good look for Will and Jada’s son Jaden. He’s starring in the updated version of 1984’s hit movie The Karate Kid, now called The Kung Fu Kid. (Parts II, III and IV were all pretty much flops.)

While the new film will be set in Beijing, China–where the cast is currently filming–it will borrow elements of the original plot, where a bullied young man (originally played by Ralph Macchio)  learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor (played by Pat Morita in the original).

Jaden Smith’s character moves to Beijing with his mother (played by Taraji P. Henson!!), where he encounters a bully situation similar to Macchio’s in his new locale. Smith’s character will be named Dre instead of Daniel, and take lessons from the decidedly un-Japanese martial arts master Mr. Han, played by Jackie Chan.

Jaden’s made appearances in a few films, but his breakout role was opposite his Dad in The Pursuit of Happyness.

The Kung Fu Kid hits theaters next year.

—-Stay Juicy!!

Hello, all! I was writing down a bunch of macabre puns for today’s feature, Tales From the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight, but I looked down after 45 minutes of hard work, and all my hand scribbled down were the words “YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG FOR USING PUNS”. So I guess I’m fresh out of hilarious death-related quips to share with you. C’est la vie. Anyway, today’s film marks my 260th review, and while I’m not yet burned out on movies, as so many people have assumed, it certainly can grind on one’s mental processes. That’s why it feels good to cut loose with a cheesy movie like Demon Knight. It’s a horror movie that isn’t really as terrifying as it is laugh-inducing, but that’s all par for the course if you’ve ever seen an episode of Tales From the Crypt.

Hosted by the Cryptkeeper, a chattering corpse with a mind for groan-worthy menacing wordplay, Demon Knight tells the simple story of a guy named Brayker who is in charge of protecting a precious artifact. He’s being pursued by something not of this world. It’s known as the Collector, and it takes many forms. He tries to take refuge in New Mexico, for some reason, and after a near confrontation with the Collector on the highway, he meets up with dear, sweet, neurotic Uncle Willy, who, despite his love of getting totally Ka-flooey all the time, herds enough brain cells together to get Brayker to a boarding house for the night. There he meets all walks of people in all different situations, like the landlady, her not-so-law-abiding daughter Jeryline, a sexy hooker, sexy hooker’s loser boyfriend, and Wally the Mental Post Officer. Brayker has a moment of respite amidst these people before the Collector comes knocking for him, disguised as a human. During the night Brayker stays in the house (which used to be a church, for 86% more sanctimony!), he will be confronted by both the Collector’s evil hell spawn as well as guests of the boarding house whom the Collector has tempted with seductive offers. Will Brayker survive the night? Will he be able to keep the artifact from the demon? What the hell IS the artifact anyway?!?!

HA! is the first thing that comes to mind when I think Demon Knight! What a jolly bit of hullabaloo for the whole family (over 17). Tales From the Crypt, from which this film is said to be derived, had a wonderful tendency to go over the top for comedic effect. It was part of the reason I tuned in at all, to see famous actors and directors make something that was totally overwrought with the idea of HORROR, like they used to do in the days of antiquity. Like the sentiment of a Bela Lugosi’s Dracula-themed birthday party for children, or the Classic Movie Monsters drawn on Doritos bags during Halloween, add graphic imagery for HBO’s discerning adults, and that’s what watching the show felt like. And Demon Knight is no exception to this rule; it was so concerned with the idea of being a horror that it forgot to be scary, and that’s what I like about it because it gives me a chance to mightily guffaw at the garishness of it all.

But other than the sentiment, I find it hard to believe that this was a movie made by the Tales From the Crypt people. I mean, there’s really no connection between the two concepts. Tales From the Crypt was a horror show on HBO loosely based off of the old EC comic title of the same name where a ghastly old Cryptkeeper would bookend random monster/serial killer of the week stories with twist endings a la The Twilight Zone. Fair enough. Demon Knight, however, while featuring the Cryptkeeper bookends, has no serial killer OR monster of the week OR twist. It’s a good versus evil story that could have easily come from the Sci-fi Channel or USA Network before “Characters” were “Welcome”. It feels like they found a movie that had stalled during production, got shelved, and was just cleaned up and recycled later by the TFtC guys with added Cryptkeeper chicanery.

But let’s not beat up on Demon Knight too harshly. There’s things to love about it. The cast is total 90s gold. I love Billy Zane, and the fact that he never made it big is a fucking travesty. He’s like Clark Gable without the wooden inflection. He’s like Gary Cooper without the slight rage. He’s like George Clooney without hair! He’s the Collector, and he’s as smooth as Cool Whip on a balloon animal. Jada Pinkett Smith is the felonious Jeryline, and I hate her guts. But it inexplicably fits with the era, so I can’t really complain too much. I’ll just say that she, like in most of her repertoire, is too damn angry. Calm down, lady! We know, you’re indignant! We get it! No need to rub it in out faces like a bowl of lava! William Sadler is Brayker, and his blandness is vaguely comical to me. He’s so white-bread, I can’t even verbalize it. Just watch every scene with Brayker in it, and tell me what you think of him. If you say anything besides “Eh…” you’re a damn liar!

And something special has to be said for the Cryptkeeper himself, John Kassir. He makes Tales From the Crypt special, and without him, it’s just… Tales From the Darkside, which wasn’t as good. Perhaps it’s his devil-may-care attitude, his eerie decaying face, or those terrible, terrible puns of his. I don’t know, but all I know is that he’s in this movie, ironically attending a premiere OF this movie, and his bookend segments are something to look forward to.

With a good 90s ensemble, a great 90s soundtrack (featuring Pantera, Ministry, and Filter!), and some of the most jaw-dropping exposition for a schlock horror movie I’ve ever seen, Demon Knight delivers. Surely you didn’t expect it to be perfect, but I bet you weren’t expecting it to be pretty good. I recommend it for anyone with a sense of humor and an eye for epochal cheese classics. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get a rash from Jada Pinkett Smith grating on your eyelids. I give it 6 1/2 Boils and Ghouls out of 10. Cackle cackle cackle.

Tomorrow I button up my shirt and straighten my tie for a more serious endeavor, Tony Scott’s Man on Fire! Until then!

I don’t know much, well anything at all, about Fantasy Baseball or Football but I think that there should be some sort of Fantasy Celeb Reality game as well. Wouldn’t it be great if we could decide who is cast in the reality shows we watch?

I’d have to say that there are three reality shows that I would love to see right now and for three different reasons:

(1) Beyonce because she is so private, I would love to be a fly on her wall for just one day.
(2) Will & Jada because they are the epitome of black love. They are so positive and motivating. I would love to get a closer look into their lives, their love for one another, and their family.
(3) Pooch Hall because, well that’s my boo, I don’t have to have a reason to want to see my boo on TV, lol. But if I did need a reason, it would be because not only is he sexy, but he’s positive and very spiritual, and funny as well. I would love to see how he deals with situations in his everyday life.

And of course, they would have to have the right network to make it classy not trashy, like Style or Bravo. **Note: In most cases, its not the network that is trashy, but the cast….

Those are my three draft picks! What’s yours??