Blogs about: Jarvs Schlock Vault

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Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Boston Girls

Slam Pig!  I have genuinely come to the conclusion that modern exploitation films tend to be hideous. It is true, though, that almost all exploitation has been awful, with only a few gems standing out… more →

Werewolves On The Moon

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Boston Girls — 28 comments

Jarv wrote 6 days ago: Slam Pig!  I have genuinely come to the conclusion that modern exploitation films tend to be hideous … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Boston Girls, Exploitation, film, Low Budget, meh, Review, Violence

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Forget Me Not — 26 comments

Jarv wrote 3 weeks ago: Who’s Chad? He’s the pretty boy you fucked yesterday! This is quite funny. When I found … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Brie Gabrielle, Carly Schroeder, Chloe Bridges, Cody Linley, film, Forget-Me-Not, Ghosts, Horror

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Grabbers! — 11 comments

Jarv wrote 4 weeks ago: Get away from him you CUNT! Beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. Even … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Alcohol, Comedy, film, Grabbers, Horror, Ireland, Richard Coyle, russel tovey

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Candy Stripers — 18 comments

Jarv wrote 4 months ago: We’re running out of patients! I’m going to break out the world’s smallest violin … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, alien fuckmonsters, boob, Brian Lloyd, candy striper, Cheesy, Comedy, deanna brookes, Evil slutty nurses

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Girls Gone Dead — 31 comments

Jarv wrote 6 months ago: Just when you thought it was safe to go topless Anyone out there who doesn’t know what a … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Slasher, Schlock, Movie, film, Review, Linnea Quigley, ron jeremy, Ryan Keely

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Spirit Camp — 7 comments

Jarv wrote 8 months ago: Never underestimate the power of cheer! Back when I reviewed Bring it On for my birthday series, I s … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Schlock, Violence, Review, Gore, Nudity, Juggs, slasher film, Julin

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Cherry Bomb — 11 comments

Jarv wrote 8 months ago: You had your cherry popped This should be gold. Yes, that’s right, I’m wallowing in the … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Schlock, Violence, film, Review, Nudity, Exploitation, strippers, Juggs

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Strippers v Werewolves. — 11 comments

Jarv wrote 9 months ago: She had such great legs…have you found the other one…? There was no way that I wasn’t going to … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, robert englund, Alan Ford, Sarah Douglas, steven berkoff, Nick Nevern, Rita Ramnani, Billy Murray, simon phillips

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Sand Sharks — 29 comments

Jarv wrote 9 months ago: They’ll come like a porker at a cupcake buffet. There’s a new rising star of Sciffy big … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Schlock, Low Budget, film, Review, hilarious, Brooke Hogan, Corin Nemec, gina holden

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Dollman — 16 comments

Jarv wrote 10 months ago: Back off or I kill a fat lady! Hehehehehe. There’s no chance a film with top-notch dialogue li … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Schlock, film, Review, Sci-Fi, TIM THOMERSON, Charles Band, hilarious, Awesome

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Shark Night 3D — 71 comments

Jarv wrote 10 months ago: What are all these sharks doing here?  Fuck this film. After the success of Piranha 3D in 2010, the … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, film, Review, Complete and utter shit, Rubbish CGI, Sara Paxton, Shark Night 3D, Donal Logue, chris zylka

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Street Trash — 12 comments

Jarv wrote 11 months ago:   Get a fuckin’ job! I haven’t done a vault review for a while, due to being perpet … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Violence, film, Review, Gore, Nudity, Grindhouse, Exploitation, Juggs

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Nazis at the Centre of the Earth — 19 comments

Jarv wrote 11 months ago: The only way we will survive is if we pick a side A plague on Asylum. Seriously, these hacks give sc … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Horror, Violence, film, Review, Gore, Complete and utter shit, Asylum, jake Busey

Jarv’s Schlock Vault Special: Iron Sky — 60 comments

Jarv wrote 11 months ago: Nazis? They’re the only people we ever beat in a fair fight Oh yes. Oh yes my pretties. We have wait … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, film, Review, Udo Keir, Iron Sky, Timo Vuorensola, Julia Dietze, Götz Otto, NAZIS ON THE FUCKING MOON

Jarv's Schlock Vault Toadkillerdog recommends number 2: Cemetery Man — 17 comments

Jarv wrote 1 year ago: “You’re supposed to be setting a good example. Now will you get back to your coffin imme … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Violence, film, Review, Juggs, Shameless, Rupert Everett, Michele Soavi, Anna falchi

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Gymkata — 21 comments

Jarv wrote 1 year ago: Because, for the next two months, you’re going to toughen your mind and your body. It’s … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, film, Review, Martial Arts, tetchie agbayani, Gymkata, Kurt Thomas, Richard Norton, gymnastics

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Demons 2 — 13 comments

Jarv wrote 1 year ago: You look great, Sally. Honest. I’m going to let you in on a little secret today. There’s … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Horror, film, Review, meh, Lamberto Bava, Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni, Demons 2, Nancy Brilli

Jarv's Schlock Vault: Demons — 11 comments

Jarv wrote 1 year ago: I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s the movie that’s making this happen!  Scr … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, Horror, Violence, film, Review, Gore, nuts, Dario Argento, Lamberto Bava

Jarv's Schlock Vault Brain Damage — 28 comments

Jarv wrote 1 year ago: Oh my. Well, well… ready to beg for it, Brian? Ready to crawl across the floor and plead for m … more →

Tags: Jarv's musings, film, Review, drugs, Brain Damage, Frank Henenlotter, Rick Hearst, Jennifer Lowry, Aylmer


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