Nat Geo clip:

The Farallon islands are a group of jagged islands off the coast of California. They’ve become an area of great interest to shark researchers as great whites choose to spend time aggregating there. Author Susan Casey wrote a book about this called Devil’s Teeth: A True Story of Obsession and Survival Among America’s Great White Sharks (the book is well worth a read but take heed that the story is just as much about the author as about the sharks). Peter Pyle, a shark biologist on the islands, is referenced in the book as well as the clip.

I find this incident interesting on a couple different levels. First, we don’t often think of great whites succumbing to other predators, which seems to have fed into our fear of this creature.

Also, if you watch an associated clip: http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/wild/4669/Overview#tab-Videos/07504_00, it appears the orca may have exploited the phenomenon of tonic immobility, which I wrote a blog entry on previously. I’ve also written on the differing hunting behavior of orcas. Nature likes to keep us guessing….

I’m done.

I’m through.

It’s over.

I’m finished trying to run, finished trying to control, and finished trying to be independent. Trying to be a grown-up. Let fate fall where it may, and I guess I’m leaning against the old fallback of “if God wills it.”

But seriously. At this point, if God wills it, I’ll be one intensely blessed grateful dumb shit.

I’m done.

I’m done with pretending that I’m an adult. I’m not, okay? So get over it and leave me alone. I’m struggling to get into a college that I know I’m not prepared for in a competitive world that’s waiting with eager, dripping jaws to eat me alive. I’m not ready.

I’m through.

I’m through sitting back and letting my hundreds of responsibilities run amok over me. It’s partially my fault through disorganization, partially my fault through neglect. I’m doing so much I can’t focus on the important things. If something doesn’t go, I will. I’ll go insane. So I’m through being trampled by my own many loves and passions, and I’m through being choked and hung by the dramas of my friends and school life. I’ve got to distance myself from it, before it gets me. If I don’t focus, and work my ass off on the thing that is most important, I won’t get anywhere. Ever.

It’s over.

So it’s over, kids, and here I am typing as a shakily resolute and keenly terrified individual who’s not grown up and who’s ready to practice and who really just wants to stay home and love her life and her family in peace.

But Time and Nature won’t allow it. So ready or not, I’m out in less than a year. If I go to a shitty school, well hey, that’s my own fault. Goodbye, Eastman. Nice looking at your name on the website, C.I.M. I wish I would have been good enough. I’m sorry for wasting your time, Heather. I’m deeply sorry, Mrs. Ripley.

What happens, happens. If I can’t contact anyone and have them be my savior with my transcript and SAT score report today, then I am fucked. And who can or will help me, the irresponsible procrastinator who is falsely deluding herself that she can make it in the vicious world of music?

I just want to sing. And that will probably never happen now, because I’m a fucking retard.

So guess what.

I’m done.

Courtesy of Stephen Altobello:

“In 2000, Jaws was remixed from its original mono soundtrack into 5.1. The result is an insult to the craftsman who won an Oscar in 1975 for Best Sound.”

I have now been helped by my colleague to add links to my blog.Many thanks.

I have put a link in to the home page of the producers of JAWS. this is the programme I am training on at the moment, as I have blogged about below. I aim to try out as many solutions as I can find for accessing computers and this link does not imply it is a “best”  or carry any recommendation other than comments I have already made.

Impairments can vary so much that I would hesitate to perform such a service for anyone else. My only reservation to date about JAWS is its cost.

I recomment that you get sighted help to download the free trial and get them to help you with set up and getting started. if you think it is right for you, then I strongly recommend finding out how to get on a training course. Hull College’s course is free. Proper training will lessen frustration and increase your chances of making good use of the tool.

Jesus ok, know I haven’t updated for a second but man this has been kind of a crazy 2 weeks filled with mucho ROCK. First of all, last last Friday we threw a really fun show for BLUES CONTROL at Studio 1510 in West Oakland. Super great lineup that included WORK (Sarah from 16bitchpileup and Erin from Child Pornography), JAWS (one man band, white pants and a knife) SIC ALPS (the same band you know and love now with noel from comets on fire playing drums) and of course Blues Control from NYC. (Terry Riley was playing up the street, but Blues Control is basically the modern equivalent, dig?) The only bad part was that I forgot my damn camera so I have no video or pictures of it. BUT the good news is that since the show was in a studio we got a really nice recording of all the bands, which I will post now for your benefit. You can thank me later. Or thank LEIF from Studio 1510 (aka “East Nile”). Send him a postcard.

SIC ALPS

BLUES CONTROL

JAWS

WORK

Right after that Ezra was here and we practiced and wrote a new piece and then went down to LA to play it.  We played at the ECHO with 60 WATT KID, BEST COAST and TEARIST, all totally sweet bands that represent a cool cross-section of what is going on in LA, (and 3 out of us 4 were female-fronted, so howabout that?)  Which is part of the reason it was especially flattering to get this really nice write up in the LA WEEKLY…  The picture choice is a little funny, as it shows the old European tour lineup from 2 years ago, but I guess the one with 4 people really does look the most like a real “band” and nothing says “lead singer” like a miniskirt!  But all kidding aside, it was a very nice surprise and a great review. 

Another great thing was playing this new piece that I really like.  It’s huge and epic with swirling strident viola exploding into industrial guitar feedback.  It’s also about 15-20 minutes long, which I feel like is a really good length for a song.  We got a chance to track it in a little back shed in Claremont, and the question now of course is how to put it out.  Do we try to record more and make it part of a “full-length” album?  Does it make any sense to release “full-length” albums anymore?  Is one 20 minute piece the same as an EP?  What if we put track breaks in it?  Does a work that long still cost 99¢ on iTunes?  Please weigh in with comments if you’ve got any advice.  In some ways it seems so baroque!  having to wait for a physical object.  But on the other hand, something that never makes it out of ones and zeroes is kind of like the puppet that never becomes the real boy…  

me and lil sis, funny face

Right after I got home from that lil sis showed up to practice for our new grunge band WHEEL.  I had been wanting to make music with her again since she played with me in Some Dark Holler when we opened up for Throbbing Gristle.  She is an all-around excellent player, but in many ways the part I like best is harmonizing vocals with her.  It’s a total old-timey/Carter Family style pleasure, the sister vocals relating and overlapping, weaving around each other.  Our first show was a little shaky but overall really rewarding.  Here’s a short video of the show we played at 21 GRAND in Oakland:

That night’s show was especially fun as I got to reconnect with some old and new friends.  

TALK NORMAL at 21 GRAND

We played with TALK NORMAL again, who have a new record out on Rare Book Room Records.  Here is a video of them from when we played together in Brooklyn.  WET HAIR also played that night, which is Shawn Reed from Racoooon’s new band.  Someone described it as the Doors playing Can, which I liked, cuz there is lots of nice tranced out Manzerik-sounding keys, and also singing that is kind of a Morrison/Suzuki hybrid.  But that’s a stretch so don’t quote me!

colin's black eye

jeff and darren cuddle up on the couch

WET HAIR at 21 GRAND

Another good thing is that I finally got to give Shawn a master of some solo material that will be coming out as a tape on his label NIGHT PEOPLE.  It’s all little song-y things that were improvised straight to tape late at night mostly in my bedroom, using the voice function on the tape player to create a weird whirling atmosphere, really using the tape as another instrument.  It’s going to be called Little Sketches On Tape, and I’ll post more info as the release date nears…

Sorry this post was so scene-y but these coupla weeks were crazy!  Next post will include roasted kale recipes and outfit ideas that utilize blaze orange.

Jaws, 1975 – Direção: Steven Spielberg – Elenco:Roy Scheider,Robert Shaw,Richard Dreyfuss.

Um dos melhores filmes de um dos diretores mais famosos e mais queridos de todos os tempos.

Tubarão, pra começar tudo é o filme mais “toma na cara e vira macho” de Spielberg, talvez o único. Mesmo com toda a questão da família e tudo mais, aqui o velhinho simpático não nos obriga a chorar ou ficar tristes ou receosos, ele apenas faz o filme pela gratificação de fazê-lo, nada mais.

A história é bem simples e brusca, se pegarmos que depois dos créditos iniciais vemos uma moça morrer puxada pra baixo da água por alguma “coisa” enquanto um bêbado na encosta, que não sabe nem se está na praia ou em Las Vegas, não a escuta. Depois descobrimos pelos restos destroçados da moça que ela foi atacada por um tubarão dos mais enormes. Daí começa toda a bagaça.

O chefe de policia tem que tomar uma providência quanto a isso certo? Então decide fechar a praia, nada mais lógico. Mas o interessante é ver que o capitalismo decorrente do nosso mundo esta presente ali criticado pelos realizadores da película. Eles jogam como Raimi jogou recentemente em Drag me to hell toda a culpa dos acontecimentos seguintes na ambição exagerada dos personagens em querer mais grana. O prefeito rejeita o pedido do chefe de policia e não deixe que este feche a praia. Até porque, a cidade é uma cidade turística de verão que ganha dinheiro com os turistas que vão pra lá no verão. E fechar a praia é uma loucura mesmo, é melhor algumas pessoas morrerem comidas por um animal enorme do que a cidade perder um ano de dinheiro.

Spilba (vou chamá-lo assim ta, porque só o chamo assim) cria um dos maiores climões de suspense do cinema aqui, e tudo com um grande “nada” aparecendo nas cenas e amedrontando qualquer um. Sim, um nada. O nosso tubarão só vai aparecer realmente lá pra parte final do filme (final mesmo). Fora isso, Spilba cria uma atmosfera de medo e pânico poucas vezes alcançada depois disso. Na época as pessoas ficaram com medo de ir a praias por causa do filme.

Os atores estão arregaçando tudo e é legal comentar um momento de qual não me lembrava (ou talvez a sessão da tarde tenha cortado) no qual, o nosso chefe de policia querido está acabado diante da mesa do jantar e o clima é pesado de mais e nós sentimos toda a culpa que ele sente (afinal, foi esbofeteado na frente de quase toda a cidade por uma mãe que perdeu o filho mesmo com o chefe sabendo). E mesmo assim, mesmo nesse momento cru e triste, o filho mais novo do chefe o imita, sim cada gesto, o que torna a cena ainda mais clássica e honesta. O jovenzinho é todo o símbolo de que Spilba sempre buscou em seu cinema: família. Sim, e apenas com gestos imitando seu pai o jovenzinho consegue transmitir tanto que nem eu aguentei ver a cena toda sem parar um pouco. Carga dramática e humorada ao mesmo tempo transcendendo o normal em um dos primeiros filmes do cara foi foda.

A cenas eternas de mais, desde a primeira morte, passando pelos ataques do tubarão, pela apresentação do Quint, vindo pelas cenas de aventura no barco até chegar na morte clássica e eterna do tubarão com um tremendo “smile, you sun of…”(“sorria, seu filho da…”), seguido da explosão do protagonista.

É folks, o protagonista é o tubarão, querendo ou não.

Mas o filme é tudo o que todos os fãs dizem mesmo, e eu sou um deles, portanto, vão e vejam se é que ainda há alguém vivo que nõ tenha visto. A única coisa ruim foi não ver com a dublagem clássica da sessão da tarde. Se tivesse ela no dvd eu nem fazia questão de ver legendado, sério, traria uma nostalgia da porra. Mas como foi redublado para quem não curte ver legendado e é besta por isso, no dvd não tem mais a versão da sessão da tarde.

Filme foda, um dos melhores do Spilba junto com Jurassic Park e Indiana Jones, e que tem um dos enredos mais fantásticos que já vi. Comentar também sobre a trilha sacana de John Wlliams que com apenas duas notas crescentes faz meu coração vibrar de tensão até hoje. Pois é, da fotografia aos enquadramentos inteligentes e surpreendentes (me espanto com algumas angulações que Spilba filmou no barco) à trilha sonora o filme se dá bem em tudo, inclusive no fazer divertir e ter medo, que é seu maior objetivo, ainda mais sendo o primeiro grande blockbuster que os EUA já viram em seu verão.

5/5

Recently, I have been playing around with Word 2003 and Acrobat Pro 8 in preparation for a course I am teaching on PDF Accessibility. I decided to experiment with bulleted and numbered lists to see what kind of results I would obtain using various options that are available for these formats and the results were quite disappointing, at least from my perspective.

With regard to web accessibility, the basic lesson that we try to teach is to use the appropriate structure or format for the content. Furthermore, if you don’t like the look of the default appearance of that structure, use CSS (Cascading Style Sheets) to change the appearance to something that you prefer. Underneath the visual appearance, the structure remains the same, it is just the look that changed.

My assumption (and perhaps that’s where I went wrong) was that the same principles apply to Word and PDFs: select the right structure for the content and change the style to meet your design needs. Although I haven’t found any issues with headings in Word and PDFs, lists are different beasts.

As far as I am concerned, the basic principles should be the same. The first is to use numbered lists where order or importance is significant and bulleted lists where order or importance is not significant. The second principle is that it shouldn’t matter what bullet character or bullet image or numbering style is used, the result should be the same: all bullet characters and images should be treated equally as bullets and numbering styles should all be considered to be a numerical sequence. Unfortunately, the second principle doesn’t seem to be supported by Word and PDFs.

Exactly where the problem is, I don’t know—it could be Word or Acrobat or both—nevertheless, the problem exists and, in my opinion, should be fixed as it could be a source of confusion for screen reader users (my limited experience has been only with JAWS).

The other aspect of this problem is that it is not the visual aspect of styled lists that is the problem, the problem is either or both of the PDF and JAWS. The basic premise of accessibility (web and PDF) is that everyone has equal access to the information but some of the list styles creates a hinderance for those who are using screen reader software. If the screen reader software is simply reading the content supplied to it from the PDF, then the PDF creation process needs to be fixed.

Lists Read by JAWS

When lists are encountered in a PDF by a JAWS user, JAWS states List of three items (or whatever the number of items happens to be). After reading out the content of the last list item, JAWS states List End.

As examples of lists, the two following lists were tested in JAWS.

• cookies
• milk
• bread

and

1. cookies
2. milk
3. bread
4. eggs
5. apples

Problems with Bulleted List Styles

The default bullet (●, solid circle) works out perfectly fine. When a list has been created in Word with this default style of bullet, the Word document has been converted to a PDF and read out by JAWS, each bullet item is preceded by an announcement of bullet before the list item text is read. Using the above list, JAWS read list of three items bullet cookie bullet milk bullet bread list end.

However, if you change the bullet character to the disc (○, open circle), each list item is preceded by an announcement of oh. Using a solid square as the bullet character causes JAWS to say filled square, using the diamond character causes JAWS to say black diamond suit and using the cloverleaf character might make you think that JAWS would say black club suit but in fact, nothing is said about the bullet character, only the list text content is read with no indication that it is part of a new list item.

Therefore, a bulleted list is not read as bullet followed by the list item text content but instead, the description of the bullet character is spoken and when the character is not known by JAWS, nothing is spoken. Although JAWS does announce the number of items in the list, it might be confusing for screen reader users to hear different bullet character descriptions in different documents or worse, not hearing a bullet character at all thereby leaving the screen reader user wondering where the divisions between the list items exist.

Problems with Numbered List Styles

The default style for numbered lists is to have each list item preceded by a number followed by a period such as 1. or 2. or 3.. When JAWS reads the list items in a numbered list that has been styled using the default numbering style, JAWS reads one, two three and so on. Using the example list above, JAWS reads list of five items one cookies two milk three bread four eggs five apples list end.

There also isn’t a problem when alphabetic characters are used such as a., b., c.. (It doesn’t matter to JAWS whether the alphabetic characters are upper- or lowercase, the characters are read the same way.) Again, using the same list, JAWS would read list of five items a cookies b milk c break d eggs e apples list end.

However, if Roman numerals are used, then JAWS reads the numbers strangely. Using the above list styled with Roman numerals (again, it doesn’t matter if they are in upper- or lowercase Roman numerals), JAWS reads list of five items i cookes two milk three break i v eggs v apples list end. In other words, i is read as the letter i not as the number one and iv and v are read as letters too but ii and iii are read as numerals 2 and 3. It is my opinion that Roman numerals should be read as the numbers they represent, not as the letters that are used to create the Roman numerals, and certainly not as a mixture of the two methods.

The situation gets more complex when you create custom numbering styles such as Item 1 or even as simple as (1). In the second example, it is read out as left parens one right parens and the first example is read as item one. While it does make sense that certain text surrounding the numeral be read if you highly modify the numbering style, the second example does seem to be a bit of overkill in terms of JAWS response. Perhaps the best advice to give, with regard to numbering styles and these customization options, is not to use them if you do not wish to confuse the screen reader users that read your PDFs.

Problems with Images as Bullets

Using an image as a bullet character should be no different than using another font character as a bullet character in that they should all be read out by JAWS as bullet. Unfortunately, the situation is worse than alternate bullet characters and I believe that the source of the problem is Word and/or Acrobat.

I tried replacing the bullet character twice with two different bullet images and two different results occured.

Using one of the supplied images (one that is installed with Word) as the bullet character, the resulting PDF had a problem with this from an accessibility perspective. After running the Accessibility Checker against the PDF, the checker flagged the images as images without alternative text. It is my opinion that the images should be considered bullets, not like other images that you might insert into a document (such as photographs or charts). If there is a need for alternative text, then Word should automatically assign bullet as the alternative text. Furthermore, I tried to manually edit the PDF and assign the images with alternative text but JAWS did not read the alternative text and the bullet images remained an accessibility checker issue.

Using an image I created (a small one that should have been suitable as a bullet image) as the bullet character, the PDF had 2 problems with this from both accessibility and usability perspectives. Like the bullet image problem above, the accessibility checker in Acrobat wanted alternative text for the image. A worse problem occurred as well which I can only attribute to the conversion of the Word document to the PDF. For some reason, the image was ignored as a bullet image and the PDF was marked up in such a way that the first letter of the list item text became the bullet character and the rest of the list item content missed that letter. Using the first list example above, cookies became c ookies, milk became m ilk, and bread became b read. Why this would happen with my created bullet image and not with a Word-supplied bullet image, I don’t know but I created the PDF a couple of times and the results were the same. I haven’t tried any other images since then.

Conclusion

Word users should be able to use different list style options and know that the PDFs they create from them will be as usable by screen-reader users as sighted readers. This means that, for bulleted lists, it shouldn’t matter what bullet character has been chosen, the screen reader software should simply announce bullet when a new list item has been encountered. Along the same lines, bullet images should receive the same treatment and not require alternative text (or as a compromise, bullet should be automatically be assigned as the alternative text).

Numbered bullet styles work fine when the Arabic numeral or letter (in either case, followed only by a period) are used as the numbering style. Word should be fixed so that Roman numerals be considered to be the same as Arabic numerals and read out as such. However, custom numbering should be read out as it has been formed and anyone who wishes to avoid any accessibility issues may wish to avoid using custom numbering styles.

I’m not sure exactly how many films I’ve seen in my lifetime.

It is probably over a thousand, the list below barely scratches the surface of all the films I’ve seen and it was surprisingly easy to come up with. Rather than systematically list films by era or genre I got my brother’s girlfriend Dawn to call out any films she could think of.

I thought of this idea about five minutes before I began typing and Dawn rattled off films as they came to her while I typed out brief verdicts for each one. I initially intended to create a system for rating but found it too restrictive so I just wrote a brief instinctual verdict for each one.

I have included a link to Rotten Tomatoes and the score of each film, I haven’t seen some of these movies in a very long time…

NOTE: The percentages at the end are not my scores but the percentage of positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.

1. Men in Black (1997) – meh (91% – seriously?!)
2. Fight Club (1999) – brilliant (80%)
3. Unforgiven (1992) – immense (96%)
4. Shaun of the Dead (2004) – decent (gets worse every time I watch it)
5. Memento (2001) – pretty good (93%)
6. The Departed (2006) – good (92%)
7. Aliens (1986) – the best sequel ever made (100%)
8. Reservoir Dogs (1992) – great characters and dialogue (95%)
9. American Beauty (1999) – uplifting, brilliant (the stupid bag scene apart) (89%)
10. Goodfellas (1990) – excellent (96%)
11. Predator (1987) – one of Arnie’s best (76%)
12. 12 Angry Men (1957) – captivating (100%)
13. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) – meh (78%)
14. Shawshank Redemption (1994) – really, really good (88%)
15. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) – better than I expected (90%)
16. Sin City (2005) – flashy trash (78%)
17. Toy Story 2 (1999) – yep, it’s good (100%)
18. Bambi (1942) – I remember it being good (much to the amusement of Dawn and Sean, many gay jokes followed) (89%)
19. Final Destination (2000) -guff (30%)
20. Edward Scissorhands (1990) – pretentious crap (90%)
21. Stranger than Fiction (2006) – Surprisingly good (72%)
22. Shallow Grave (1995) – okay (71%)
23. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1996) – facepalm (49%)
24. Man on Fire (2004) – underwhelming (39%)
25. Ocean’s Eleven (2001) – meh (81%)
26. 28 Days Later (2003) – meh (88%)
27. Casino Royale (2006) – surprisingly really good (94%)
28. Psycho (1960) – I was expecting it to be better (98%)
29. The Flintstones (1994) – Jesus wept (18%)
30. Aladdin (1992) – good (92%)
31. Jackass: The Movie (2002) – hard to class as a film really, hit and miss(48%)
32. E.T (1982) – good (98%)
33. Independence Day (1996) – a glorified B movie (61%)
34. Titanic (1997)  – Good (81%)
35. Ring (2002) – fairly decent (71%)
36. Pulp Fiction (1994) – Tarantino’s best film by a long way (97%)
37. Hot Fuzz (2007) – fun (90%)
38. Monty Python: Holy Grail (1975) – classic (94%)
39. Good Will Hunting (1997) – good (97%)
40. Heat (1995) – pretty good, not great (89%)
41. Zodiac (2007) – boring (87%)
42. Little Mermaid (1989) – decent (90%)
43. Ghost (1987) – crap (80%)
44. Dirty Dancing (1987) – utter shit – that women like this film makes me wonder if they actually deserve equal rights (67%)
45. The Terminator (1984) – the best Terminator (100%)
46. Bean (1998) – a test of mental endurance, awful (41%)
47. The Mask (1994) – rubbish (76%)
48. Frailty (2002) – ridiculous (74%)
49. The Day After Tomorrow (2004) – shite
50. Donnie Darko (2001) – overrated pish (84%)
51. Apollo 13 (1995)– crap (96%)
52. Deep Impact (1998)– more crap (46%)
53. Volcano (1997) – even more crap (40%)
54. I know what you did last summer (1997)– yet more crap (36%)
55. The Matrix (1999) – first half decent rest shite (86%)
56. Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (2002)– boring (96%)
57. Addams Family Values (1994) – some good moments (74%)
58. Nightmare before Christmas (1993) – overrated, largely guff (97%)
59. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983) – (see earlier blog) (75%)
60. Three Men and a Baby (1987) – sickening  (78%)
61. Transformers: The Movie (1986) – decent (haven’t seen it in 10 years) (50%)
62. Cruel Intentions (1999) – trash (47%)
63. Lock Stock and Two Smoking barrels (1998) – good if a little overrated (71%)
64. Clerks II (2006) – absolutely fucking diabolical (62%, seriously what the fuck?)
65. Baby’s Day Out (1994) – horrific (23%)
66. Home Alone 2 (1992) – decent (17% – that seems harsh!)
67. Liar Liar (1997) – pretty bad (84%)
68. Babe (1995) – Jesus wept (98%)
69. The Simpsons Movie (2007) – unfunny crap from a show that is a pale shadow of what it used to be (90%)
70. Mr Nanny (1993) – a holocaust of a film (7%)
71. The Thing (1980) – really tense, really good (80%)
72. Blair Witch Project (1999) – doing something different doesn’t make it good (85%)
73. Run Lola Run (1999) – see above (92%)
74. The Santa Clause (1994) – crap (Dawn: “What’s the film with Tim Allen dressed as Santa Claus?”) (79%)
75. Silence of the Lambs (1990) – they really should have just stopped at this one, a fine film (96%)
76. Matilda (1996) – another crap Dahl adaptation (89%)
77. A Bridge too Far (1977) – the quintessential war movie (67%)
78. Rocky V (1990) – laughable (21%)
79. The Sting (1973) – really good (91%)
80. The Sword in the Stone (1963) – good (73%)
81. The Witches (1990) – crap (100%, what the fuck?)
82. Starship Troopers (1997) – entertaining trash (60%)
83. Love Actually(2003)  – hated it (63%)
84. White men can’t jump (1992) – I liked it despite itself (78%)
85. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1999)– a pointless sequel (48%)
86. A Bug’s Life (1998) – meh (91%)
87. Hollow man (2000)– hollow is an appropriate adjective (but I like Bacon’s character) (27%)
88. Jaws (1975) – good but overrated (100%)
89. Jerry Maguire (1996)– oh Christ (84%)
90. Dawn of the Dead (1978)– awesome (95%)
91. Drop Dead Fred (1991)– mindless crap (still haunted by my little sister’s repeat viewing of this monstrosity) (9%)
92. Braveheart (1995) – good (it’s a movie, not a history lesson) (76%)
93. Saw II (2005) – crap (35%)
94. Mouse Hunt (1997)– hated it (really wanted the mouse to die) (44%)
95. The Mummy (1999)– didn’t like it (54%)
96. George of the Jungle (1997)– crap (53%)
97. Leon (1994) – ludicrous garbage (74%)
98. Death becomes her (1993)– had its moments (56%)
99. Meet Joe Black (1998) – meh (49%)
100. Dog Soldiers (2002) – entertaining (79%)
101. Cool Hand Luke (1967) – the best film ever (100%)

she cauterizes and hot-wires

set the earth back on fire

a cheap date and a good liar

clean bones bleached brighter

westward trails can’t stay his hand

break his jaw when it tastes like you can

blood on the desert blood in the sand

follow the tracks of beasts in the land

look lonesome like burned down

he’s got it made, his fake shout

and lies to sift over town

desperate for whats been taken out.

something above him like a vulture but worse

held his hands out and caught it like a curse

all at once centuries of thirst

a hundred seems just begging to burst

Entre estos podemos encontrar sogtwares que son lectores de pantalla que le sirven a la persona con discapacidad visual para saber qué se encuentra en el monitor. Algunos tenemos:

El Jaws el cual sirve para leer documentos esencialmente que estén en Word, en adobe reader, en pawer point.

Se está viendo cómo buscar la forma para que este lector describa imágenes a detalle; es lo que falta para hacer aún más útil el programa.

Además, está el open book que sirve para leer libros por medio del escaner. Una vez finalizado el proceso, el programa verbaliza lo que escaneó; es un procesador de texto.

Actualmente, existe un escáner especial para personas con discapacidad visual denominado Allreader el cual sin necesidad de estar conectado a una computadora, verbaliza, guarda y pasa a audio lo que la persona necesita. La función se la ordenará el propio usuario.

Con estos programas se puede ver que a medida que pasa el tiempo, la tecnología se ha encargado de hacerle la vida más independiente a la persona con la discapacidad visual.

Antes, era muy difícil que estas personas leyeran lo que querían; dependían de alguien que les verbalizara lo que deseaban saber.

Con el transcurrir de los años, seguramente aparecerán nuevos programas que dejarán atrás a los ya mencionados. Por ahora hay que sacarles el mejor provecho.

It seems I am up and running now.

I am registered blind, but should say that I can still use a computer with the help of magnifiers and text readers. I am not yet totally reliant on audio feedback to contril my computer, however long sessions tend to tireand degrade vision. I think it is important to say all this as thre are so many different levelsand types of sight loss and I find myself constantly needing to explain what my limits are.

I am involved in projects aiming to improve the quality of access to information for the blind. For my own sake  I have recently signed up at Hull College to learn how to use JAWS – more on that in a different article – and have been asked to learn how to use a blog to record my progress. Learning how to blog with visual impairment has also become part of the exercise.

so, here goes on my initial thoughts on WordPress -

I was advised that WordPress was one of the more accessible blogging tools. As I am now here, that proves it can be done without sighted assistance, which is great.

I was initially confused by WordPress the programme that IT people use and the blogging site that can be used by us regular folk. I am lucky that I was already reasonably literate on a computer before losing my sight 9 years ago, but blogs weren’t around then. If you don’t know how to use a computer blogging is a non starter. I know that is obvious, but this is one example of how blind people are denied something the sighted can have if they want it.

I will be writing other articles on training the blind to use computers to enable them to communicate their own views if they wish to.

The layout of WordPress when you sign up for a blog is really straightforward and uncluttered. Big tick there.

There is a huge helpguide, which probably contains everything I need to know. However, I think a quickstart guide just for bloggers would be good as the main guide is full of computer jargon that is not essential for beginners. Fighting through some of the jargon and techical specs nearly put me off completely. this would be the same for sighted or unsighted bloggers.

when you get into the posting page there are problemswhen you try to magnify certaina areas. Blocks or areas start to overlaap at certain levels of magnification. Most areas worked well with my text/screenreader – anonother big tick.

Overall, I am pleased that it has only taken me a few hours to get to this stage. it would be quicker for the sighted, but I think there could be some benefit to both sections receiving or having access to tutorials. I guess it is not an essential tool, but I hope to make my blog a signpost for all things useful for the visually impaired. It is helping me feel useful and reduces bordom levels.

I now need to learn how to ensure other people with similar interests or needs can easily find my blog.

cheers,

Ian

I thought I had posted my first message yesterday – clearly not.

I am starting this blog as a visually impaired person with a keen interest in accessibility for the blind and the use of technology in particular.

This blog will start by recording my experiences of learning to blog using WordPress and my experiences of going to my local college to learn how to use JAWS – software that enables the blind to use a computer.

If this initial statement gets published I know I am at least over the starting line.

I hope followers of this blog will be encouraged to use technology to improve their quality of life and promote the cause of accessibility for the blind inall walks of life.

We already know about eco-disaster movies, eco-friendly movies for children or simply documentaries about the environment and ecology.

However has anyone ever heard of green horror movies?

In the following extract taken from Mother Nature Network website, eco-blogger, Matt Hickman, Talks about “eco-horror films out there that hopefully won’t make your stomach churn or leave you too scared to take out the recycling after 10 p.m.” :

A warning: You won’t find any deep environmental messages aside from “be nice to Mother Nature or else …” in these movies although some are more serious than others. I’m a bit of a scary movie nut myself so I’m glad to make a few recommendations.

“Animals gone bad” films may be a good place to start if you’re weary of anything involving the supernatural or serial killers. Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds is a staple in the genre and still flat-out terrifying. I saw it at a young age and it stayed with me. So long in fact, that last year when I was on a road trip along the California coast with friends, we stopped at a gas station for a bathroom break in Bodega Bay and I refused to get out of the car in fear of an avian attack.Arachnophobia is also a classic sure to make your skin crawl and we mustn’t forget Jaws although a more recent scary shark flick, Open Water, gave me an in-theater panic attack. One of the better murderous animal films I’ve seen recently was Rogue about a bloodthirsty Aussie croc, but if you’re looking for old-school camp, try Day of the Animals. And if you’re curious about the dangers of genetic engineering, watch Jurassic Park.

Moving on from fauna to flora, murderous, possessed trees always give me the chills because, well, I don’t really expect it. Watch The Evil Dead or Poltergeist if you want to have nightmares about Douglas firs. And while we’re on the homicidal plant tip, two films, The Ruins and The Happening, will have you keeping a distance from your houseplants for at least a week.

On the more-creepy-than-scary list is one of my favorite cult flicks, The Wicker Man (the original, not the so-bad-it’s-funny Nic Cage remake). In short, it’s about what happens when a group of sexed-up Scottish pagans are let down by Mother Nature. What happens? Well, I’ll let you find out.

To continue reading the article follow this link

As we mentioned in our last post, we ended up checking out of the B&B we were scheduled to be in due to lack of internet service and distance from where we needed to be.  Sad, because it was a cute little place but where we ended up…OH BOY!  We feel like we are living in a condo!!  Before we left, Tina was so happy because they had a washer and dryer and since she only brought 6 pair of undies (not sure what she was thinking!), she has been giving a new meaning to the word “commando” for a couple of days.  Needless to say, she now is “covered!”  

Our living room

Our bedroom

Our morning was a little off due to having to find a new place to stay and then actually getting there but all ended up ok.  Tina and I have been doing an awesome job, I must say, staying in the moment and just allowing things to happen as they will.  This keeps us in a state of squeezing everything we can out of every moment we are here.

We ended up taking the half-day afternoon tour headed to The Cape of Good Hope.  This area is the southwestern most point of South Africa and is where the Atlantic and the Indian Oceans meet.  Thabani was our tour guide and he was a hoot!!  We were in the van with a couple from Austria and another couple from Whales.  Thabani was cracking jokes the whole time about where each of us were from.

Tina and Thabani

Chris and Tina at False Bay overlook

It was a quite eventful ride (it took about an hour and a half) and we stopped a few times along the way.  As we were passing a beautiful beach off of the Atlantic Ocean, Thabani pointed out to us the FULL-TIME shark spotters on the beach.  The shark spotters sit up over the cliff with binoculars and have different colored flags that warn the guard on the beach if there is a shark in the area.  This happens quite often due to the fact that the sharks mistake the people for seals!   If you saw the movie “Jaws” – that is the shark we are talking about.  They are ALL OVER the waters in Cape Town!!  (Vin you would be in heaven!!)

False Bay

We then stopped to see the penguins and found out their nickname is the “Jackass Penguins” due to the fact that when they make noise apparently they sound like a Jackass!  (A few people I know came to mind….  )  They so reminded me of the movie “March of the Penguins!” 

Penguins

"Happy Feet"

Tina and I then decided we had to use the restroom and upon entering the stall noticed a box on the back of the toilet.  To our surprise and laughter (loud enough for the entire place to hear!) there were boxes of FREE condoms in every stall!  Seriously though, this is a way South Africa is educating people on safe sex so as to prevent the spread of AIDS.  (NO – Tina and I did not take any!!) 

Only Tina and I would take a picture of condoms!

We started our drive again and were warned about the WILD BABOONS!  These guys are EVERYWHERE!!!  Apparently, they have been fed too much by tourists so are now on the violent side and actually try to jump in peoples cars to get food.  We passed a mama and her baby on the side of the road….SO CUTE!! 

Baboon mama and baby

We finally almost got to our destination when we stopped again for a bit to climb up to a lighthouse overlooking the Indian Ocean.  It became very apparent as to why they call Cape Town the “windiest city in the world!”  Tina almost had to cash in my life insurance policy because I literally almost got blown off the edge while going up.  TINA IS MY HERO…SHE SAVED MY LIFE!!  (tears of joy and gratitude flowing).   We were so “blown away” at the top, we decided to take the Funicular (a flying Dutchman-kind of cable car) back down mainly due to the fact that I was having a hard time remembering where I put my life insurance policy!!

Lighthouse view-you have no idea what it took to take this picture!!

"Funicular" car

Once we got back to our “palace” we decided to order pizza and beer.  We were soooo happy!  We also noticed that this is the first post that we do not have a picture of us drinking an adult beverage….on the other hand,  we also just noticed that we talked about drinking an adult beverage and happen to be drinking one as we type so maybe this whole paragraph is totally pointless! 

On to tomorrow where we are going to be…wait for it….DRINKING!!!  (full-day wine vineyard tour!!)

Here's for "hoping" for a good day tomorrow...

On the National Geogaphic Channel, Expedition Week happens but once a year. To celebrate this we at Paints in the Point have decided to Live Blog the special Great White: Face to Face. Who knows, there may be some basketball references along with our classic Paints in the Point hilarity.

“SHAARK!!” – The Franchise

“Why do they need that huge finishing boat to protect them from these sharks?” – The Franchise

“The Champ is a master of the seas” – The Franchise, well we will see about that.

“Man they got big teeth” – The Champ

“Look how big that hook is!” – The Franchise

Look! its Ron Artest

29′ 30” 66O7E4D71894

22′ 11” 590D83WFXDXI

11′ 67” RJ0UCQ146SB1

8′ 80” M1Z3O44Q6QF1

9′ 90” ZKHPXNHVA91L

5′ 34” FO94CX7D97Y1 

The Ship’s crew reels in the Shark to tag it.

dulce et decorum est pro patria mori

ha, the guy on tv said “sex,” The Franchise giggles.

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

Donate Now

the Ivy Leaguer, our Graphic Designer, made us this Larry Bird effigy, unfortunately his basketball IQ is a little off.

 Below the Franchise describes his fishing trip:

Had a limited amount of time to fish this afternoon but I wanted another Red Drum to bring my season total to 25.  I ended up with two more for 26.  I also hooked and fought for a minute or so an absolutely hugh shark before he found a weak link(mono leader)!  Seeing over 7′ of twisting shark leave the water like a missile is truly jaw dropping!  If I had suspected a monster like that was still off the beach I probably would have put on the big multiplier not the smaller drum reel and a wire leader.  Ah well thats what I love about this sport and keeps me coming back for more.  Anyway the Reds were fantastic with the first going 45″ and approx 35Lbs and number 26 went 42″ and close to 30Lbs.    

Thanks Franchise.

“How can they tell if its male or female that fast?” – The Franchise

“They just know” -The Champ

The Champ and The Franchise watched how Sharks reproduce… informative.

The Shark has a feeding tube.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Browns 0 Ravens 0

“Shaaaarrrrkssss!” – The Franchise

…this is what happens when The Champ and The Franchise eat sugar.

"you touched her what?" Big Red has a baby.

"It's a party in the USA!"

The Shark Special has ended. Below for our loyal readers is the entire transcript of “Free Willy”

“the mysteries continue but so do the clues”

There he is, at one o’clock!
            – Let’s get behind him! – We’ll cut him off!
            – Get him! – Out there, about     yards!
            – Clear! – I got it!
            Full throttle!
            Let it go! Let it go!
            More throttle! Keep it up!
            That’s it! That’s it!
            Lay it down! Keep it coming!
            Yeah, fish!
            Yeah, fish!
            Go on there!
            Yeah, baby!
            Yeah, fish!
            Go on in there!
            Pin it! Pin it!
            Close it in! Close it up!
            He won’t get away! Keep the others away.
            We got him!
            Close it up!
            Get him in the middle!
            Keep closing it up!
            Excuse me.
            My mom dropped me off and forgot my bus fare.
            Could I borrow some money?
            Thanks! Have a good day.
            – I got to get home. Lend me a buck? – Get out of here.
            Excuse me, lady.
            My friends and I spent our money at the museum.
            We have to take the ferry home. Can you help?
            I suppose.
            Few bucks.
            – Shoot! I’m hungry. – God, man! I need some food!
            Let’s go!
            Go, Jess!
            Hey, you get…! Come back here!
              Come on, guys!
              The first time I ever went there…
              …it was so bad.
              My mom left me, then went to Houston.
              I never saw her again.
              I don’t care. I hate her anyway.
              I could eat this every day.
              – Well, I bolted. – You bolted from Cooperton?
              – I did, bonehead! – Yeah, right.
              Shut up! We both did. What do you know?
              They watch you like you’ll stab their back.
              I waited till some foster-home losers took me. Then I slipped.
              – You ain’t as smart as us. – Eat it!
              I am.
              I want my own place, like an apartment.
              Right. You and me.
              We’ll meet someone.
              With my brains and your personality, we’ll be rich.
              Get out of here! Go!
              Let’s split up!
              – See you, guys. – All right. Bye!
              This way!
              Go!
              Go! Go, man!
              – Run, man! This way! – Come on! Come on!
              Go! Quick, quick, quick! Move!
              Down here!
              Here, shut it! Quick!
              Check it out, man.
              Look at this.
              Perry?
              What is that?
              Jesse! Cops! Run!
              There he is!
              Hold it, kid!
              He’s heading up the stairs!
              Hey, kid!
              Relax! Calm down.
              Breaking and entering, vandalism, resisting arrest.
              – Anything else I should know? – I robbed a few banks.
              I’m glad you were only out three days.
              Did you miss me, Dwight?
              Was Perry with you?
              Perry who?
              Don’t play.
              Don’t be a bonehead. I hate telephones…
              …and I spent    minutes talking…
              …to police and that adventure park, trying to keep you clean.
              We were lucky this time. I kept you out of court.
              You have to clean up the mess at Northwest Adventure Park.
              That is your probation. Any problem?
              – Why should I? – I don’t know why I fool with you.
              I’m working too much overtime with you.
              But you split out again, and I’m out of the picture.
              You’ll be with Youth Authority. Court supervised and controlled.
              They’ll put you in baby jail. A lockup in juvenile hall.
              Okay, look.
              Your placement is still on. The Greenwoods are okay.
              They don’t even care about this incident.
              What’s with them?
              I see. Since they want you in their home, something’s wrong with them.
              What do you think?
              On paper, you’re still young, so you get some chances.
              Not an infinite number of chances, but a few, son.
              You get it?
              You got any questions about any of this?
              You hear from my mom?
              You still want me to hear from her?
              I just want to know if she’s okay.
              Nobody’s heard from your mom in six years, Jesse.
              Anytime you’re ready, big guy.
              – How are you, Annie? – Good.
              It’s been a long day for both of us.
              There he is.
              Can I carry your stuff?
              Why don’t we go inside and wash up? And we’ll have dinner.
              We got a little paperwork here for you.
              There’s always paperwork.
              I just bought a new car. With the contracts, it came to    pages.
              Well, this is a lease. I ain’t buying yet.
              You interested in computers?
              – I learned last year and can teach you. – I’m not into it.
              That makes two of us.
              I wasn’t either.
              But then I decided that I wanted a second career as a journalist…
              …and so I’m taking the summer off to write.
              A couple of weeklies have taken my stories.
              – I haven’t earned anything yet. – Just dig right in.
              I met Dwight while doing a story on Cooperton.
              Dwight’s a jerk.
              What exactly are you into?
              I’m not into talking while I’m eating.
              Here’s your room.
              Ours is downstairs, but you’ve got the best view in the house.
              Go ahead. Open it.
              It’s a welcome gift.
              You can open it later, if you like.
              I bought you some things. Some clothes, some socks…
              …and there’s lots of blue. Dwight said you liked blue.
              Anyway, if you don’t like them, we can exchange them.
              We’ll go now. If you need us, we’re downstairs.
              Good night, Jesse.
              It’s great to have you here.
              That turn before the bridge? That’s   th Street.
              My garage is straight up from there.
              If you go six more blocks, you’ll be home. Think you can find it?
              Inside, look for the Aquatic Theater. Ask for Randolph.
              Great.
              Hey, mister!
              Where can I find Randolph?
              He lives in the cottage right by the water.
              Thanks.
              Hello?
              Randolph?
              What’s this?
              Well…
              …the artist returns.
              Welcome back.
              We’ve all become admirers of your work here…
              …but all good things must come to an end.
              Time to let your creativity flow backwards.
              You know what to do with all this?
              Yes, I do.
              Good. See you later.
              Wow!
              What’re you doing up here?
              Nothing.
                   pounds, that one.
              Jaws powerful enough to crush bones to oatmeal.
              Willy gets into moods. You got to give him his space.
              Don’t bother him, he won’t bother you. Understand?
              Sure.
               y:i Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys…
               y:i … our Sea Lion Show  y:i plays four times daily…
               y:i … and your pass  y:i will admit you to all sessions.
               y:i Show times are at  y:i ten, twelve, two and four.
               y:i As you can see, Olivia and Belinda  y:i “flip out” at lunchtime.
              Belinda, we have a nice-looking audience. What do you think?
              You look so beautiful. How about a kiss?
              You should be ashamed of yourselves.
              Wave goodbye to everybody!
               y:i Let’s give a big hand  y:i for Olivia and Belinda…
               y:i … and their trainer, Rae Lindley.
               y:i Soon you’ll be able to have a look  y:i at Willy, our prize orca whale…
               y:i … right here in the main tank.
              You’re that graffiti kid, aren’t you?
              I guess.
              You really messed up our observation area.
              Sorry.
              – You like whales? – I like him.
              He doesn’t like anybody. Be careful around him.
              Willy’s a case.
              A very special case.
              So?
              Who isn’t?
              Want to play catch?
              Catch?
              I like to throw the ball around.
              I’ve had this mitt since the eighth grade.
              I used to sit around and spit in it, smack it…
              …get a nice pocket there. Look at that.
              Let’s play.
              So how much they paying you to be my jailer?
              A jailer, huh?
              I’m making such a great deal, you wouldn’t believe it.
              You’re a regular cash cow.
              That, plus a million dollars, I could retire at     years old.
              You’ll have to help me out a little bit here.
              Dwight says I should make some rules for you.
              Problem is, I’ve always been a better rule-breaker than a rule-maker.
              So tell me what you think you need.
              You’re asking me?
              You’re the big expert, right?
              I don’t know any rules.
              Kid like you? Been around, been in trouble…
              What’s it going to be?
              Let’s see…
              I got it. First rule is…
              …you have to give me an allowance every week.
              Here’s five bucks.
              What’s next?
              I don’t know. I haven’t thought of those yet.
              While you’re thinking, I need you in bed at night by   :  .
              And up every morning for breakfast.
              I want you in the house every night by seven.
              And don’t disappear without telling somebody.
              We need to know where you are.
              Kid!
              Almost finished with this place.
              Come on, come on.
              You have a nice day too, grouch!
              He likes messing with people’s heads.
              Yes, he does.
              If I can’t get him to perform, no one can.
              Orcas are usually nice and smart. Willy’s smart and nasty.
              You really like him, huh?
              Good. You can help me out.
              Broken belly. Toss it.
              Look. This is a good fish.
              That’s a bad fish. Good fish, bad fish.
              We sort out what Willy can eat from the cheap crap they buy.
              Willy’s a killer whale, right?
              So, would he kill us?
              Orcas are just hunters. They eat fish.
              Well, sometimes they’ll eat porpoises, squid…
              …birds, sharks…
              What he really likes is salmon.
              That’s his chocolate.
              Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
              Ready to get back to your painting?
              You saved my life.
              You must have something special. He didn’t eat you.
              – What do you mean? – I don’t know.
              High blood, medicine roots.
              No way.
              Then you’re just one lucky little white boy.
              Willy has no problem with me. We appreciate each other.
              Appreciate?
              Willy saved your butt.
              Why does everybody have a problem with him?
              He doesn’t like visitors in his tank. What were you doing there?
              I came to say goodbye.
              Job is almost up.
              Didn’t want to say goodbye.
              Just maybe…
              Oh, old Indian stuff.
              Orcas.
              Ever look into Willy’s eyes?
              Those eyes discovered the stars…
              …Iong before man was a whisper on Mother Earth.
              They can look into a man’s soul, if they want.
              Willy won’t look at Rae or me.
              Maybe he sees you.
              Your parents are still up.
              They’re not my parents.
              Jesse, where have you been?
              – You’re soaked! – I was at work.
              You snuck out at night to clean up graffiti? That’s amazing.
              – I fell in the tank. – The whale tank?
              Somebody tell me what the heck is going on here?
              I fell in the tank. It’s my fault.
              – All right. – Folks, my name is Randolph.
              How are you? I’m Glen. This is my wife, Annie.
              I supervise Jesse at the park. He does a good job.
              Did his cleanup, helped out in other areas, and made friends.
              We could use him for the rest of the summer, if that’s okay.
              Make a job of it. Pay him a little something too.
              – What do you say to that? – I want to! Please!
              Finally found something you’re into?
              Okay, but days. No more sneaking out at night.
              All right. I promise I won’t.
              Just be straight with us from now on. If you need something, ask.
              Think you can do that?
              It’s past your bedtime. Get in the house, son.
              I’m not your son.
              Yeah, I know that.
              Watch those lines!
              Just get out of the way!
              I’m not in the way.
              This examination area is inadequate.
              It’s all we’ve got!
              Holding him in this net is dangerous! We’ve told you before.
              Finish the exam!
              No, he’s acting up.
              You and Dial bought Willy from a slimeball.
              He was too big and old to be caught.
              Then you put him in a dolphin tank, alone.
              He’s not a performer. You expect miracles?
              Train him, don’t analyze him.
              These weren’t the circumstances you described.
              You’re a professional. Make it work.
              Dial gave me a line. I won’t cross it.
              It’s not about crossing lines.
              Which words don’t you understand?
              If the whale brought in customers…
              …we could spend money on him. Make do with what you’ve got.
              Easy, Willy. Easy, son.
              Untie those back lines!
              What’s going on?
              What happened?
              I don’t know. The net came loose.
              I saw what you did.
              – So? – So, nothing.
              I’m sure Willy’s grateful.
              The whale’s not performing. We’re in deep…
              …and Rae says to expand the tank. – Very nice.
              I brought the animal in to boost business.
              We should move him into the Ritz with the $    …
              …I dumped into his insurance premium.
              The whale’s worth more dead than alive.
              It will cost at least $       …
              …to expand that psychotic malcontent’s pen.
              God, I hate that whale.
              You got any leftover scraps…
              …I could take off your hands?
              Might have.
              I got a friend named Willy.
              Why would he want scraps?
              – He’s a whale. – A whale?
              Hey, Jess!
              I’ll meet you up there.
              What’s up?
              New clothes. New gig?
              – I’m staying with some people. – Cool.
              What happened? I saw you get popped.
              Not much. Had to clean up all our mess.
              I’m working there now.
              They looking for me?
              Cool.
              It’s a total drag, man. Sorry.
              No sweat. Where you been staying?
              Dayton set me up. Working for him now.
              Looking out for cops and stuff.
              I mentioned you to him. I can hook you up if you want.
              I got to think about that.
              Snooze, you lose.
              Stop by sometime.
              See you. I got to bail.
              – See you. – Later.
              What’s wrong?
              Thought you liked these things.
              You’re supposed to eat it like this.
              You want me to put it in your mouth.
              I’ll make a deal with you.
              Don’t bite my hand off, and I’ll give you the fish.
              You like these.
              You’re sure feeling rubbery.
              Your skin peels off.
              Still a beautiful animal, though.
              Well, buddy, I got to go.
              We’ll save these scraps of fishes for later.
              What, you want to go with me?
              I can do that too.
              Can you do it with the other arm?
              Can you wave?
              Can you dance?
              Can you groove? Dance?
              What?
              Can you go in circles?
              You’re really doing it!
              Look at you!
              Makes me dizzy.
              Looks like Willy’s got a soul mate.
              – Can you feed him? – Sure, I can feed him.
              It’s easy.
              Want to try?
              Come on.
              Willy and I didn’t get off to a good start.
              I’m the Wicked Witch, because of all the medical tests I did on him.
              Out in the ocean, killer whales like Willy live in families. Pods.
              Some of them never leave their moms.
              Never?
              Their social structure’s important to them.
              Over    orcas have been seen together.
              Some of them stay together forever.
              – You’ve seen them? – My dad was in the Navy.
              He did sonar research on whales. I went out there all the time.
              Do you do research here?
              Here I’m just a trainer, but I want to work out on the ocean.
              I’m going back to school to get my Ph.D. In marine biology.
              If you do that, Willy’ll be alone and nobody will take care of him.
              Well, Charlie’s in school, so…
              Who’s Charlie?
              My boyfriend, Charlie.
              You have a girlfriend?
              – Why do you think I want one? – Just guessing.
              This isn’t him.
              Willy. Right here.
              – Sure it is. – His fin is flopped over.
              That happens in captivity.
              Why?
              Nobody knows. Maybe they need more room to really swim.
              Then why won’t Mr. Dial build a bigger tank?
              Because Dial treats animals like a commodity.
              What’s that?
              Just a big word Dial likes to use.
              Actually…
              Dial won’t build Willy a bigger pool…
              …unless he can make more money off of him.
              How’d you like to help me with that?
              Yeah, sure.
              Most orcas love to play and do tricks. They like the stimulation.
              – Can he see me underwater? – Sure. And hear you too.
              Now this, young man, is a target.
              Willy’s supposed to respond to it and follow it.
              When working on tricks or behaviors, we reward him with fish.
              Now, we’ll try to get Willy’s nose to touch the end of this target.
              Move out there.
              You’re doing great.
              Thanks.
              Now give him the fish.
              There you go.
              He likes that fish, doesn’t he?
              Roll on over.
              Orcas love to be touched, pet, hugged, anything like that.
              They love to have their tongues stroked.
              Wait a minute!
              You want me to stick my hand in his mouth and rub his tongue?
              – Yeah, eventually. – I don’t think so.
              You’ll learn to read him. You’ll be able to do it.
              What’s this?
              Thought you’d like to know about this. My father gave it to me.
              – It’s Haida. – What?
              Haida’s the name of my people.
                  years ago, there were so many fish in the water…
              …my people only gathered food once a week.
              Everybody ate like kings.
              – What else did they do? – Carved and painted totems…
              …made music, told stories, made babies.
              Sounds good to me.
               y:i Skaana.
              It’s the Haida word for “whale”.
              Natsaclane was a Haida who lived before there were orca whales.
              Hunting fish with other warriors, young Natsaclane lost his way.
              While he was searching, a fierce storm began.
              Natsaclane couldn’t find shelter anywhere.
              The otters came and took him underwater, where he’d be safe.
              After the storm, Natsaclane again searched for the braves.
              But all he found was a huge log.
              He carved a beast on the log and tried carrying it to the ocean.
              He found some water, but not the ocean.
              The great carving sank in this pool and disappeared.
              Natsaclane sat and watched and waited…
              …and said a prayer he’d never heard before.
              He kept saying this prayer. It was so weird.
              He’d never heard it before.
              It really got crazy, because the water started flying out…
              …and then this commotion started happening.
              And out of the water came the carving.
              And it wasn’t a carving. It was a whale like Willy.
              He flew down to the ocean, like a bird…
              …and Natsaclane went after him, to the beach…
              …he rode him all the way home on his back.
              – Isn’t that cool? – Very cool.
              What is this?
              It’s an orca, like Willy.
              Randolph gave it to me. It’s from his tribe.
              It’s beautiful.
              Well, you get some rest.
              Here.
              Sweet dreams.
              – Good night. – Good night.
              Hi, boy. What’s up?
              Hi, buddy.
              You like that?
              You like that.
              Got you!
              Hey, kid! You took my fish!
              I got your chocolate, buddy!
              What’s the matter?
              What are you making that awful noise for?
              – What you got there? – It’s a toy I made for Willy.
              Big slap!
              One more!
              Big slap, Willy!
              One more, buddy.
              Come on, Willy! Big circles, big circles.
              Come here, boy.
              Come on.
              Come here, boy. Here we go.
              There you go. There you go.
              – What’s up? – Annie. Dinner.
              Oh, terrific.
              Hold on one second.
              I need two sets of gaskets too. Bring them in the morning.
              Neat car!
              Check it out!
              You like that car?
              It’s a classic.
              It was the love of my life.
              I spent a year and a half putting it together…
              …getting it in primo condition.
              – And then I had to sell it. – Why?
              The simple reason that…
              …you can’t have more than one love in your life.
              You and Annie…
              …ever fight?
              Yeah, we schedule one every other month or so.
              – Why? – I was just asking.
              What’s this?
              That’s a picture of me and my mother, a long time ago.
              About your age there.
              Where is she now?
              She died about two years ago.
              My mom’s coming to get me one of these days.
              – She is? – Not too long from now.
              That’s funny. That’s not what they said.
              You don’t believe me, do you?
              It’s not that. I just was under the impression that…
              I don’t care what those people said. They don’t know anything!
              My mom has things to take care of, then she’s coming back for me!
              What happened?
              – He wasn’t at the park. – He wasn’t?
              Should we call Dwight? It’s after   .
              I know what time it is!
              I’m sorry.
              – Where’ve you been? – What are you doing?
              You weren’t at the park! You’re to let us know where you are.
              Doesn’t matter. You want to dump me? Go ahead.
              I’m not living here. Just staying here for a while.
              How you like that?
              Just when you think you’re starting to get through…
              …starting to make a connection… Whammo!
              He’s scared, and he’s pushing us away.
              I’ll push him out the door.
              – Don’t say that! – It makes you angry?
              Yes! It didn’t help when you yelled at him.
              – He’s driving me crazy! – You know why you’re angry?
              You feel for him. You’re scared because he reminds you of yourself!
              We tried. We did the best we could do.
              – Is this one of your crusades? – It’s not a crusade!
              We’re talking about a human being!
              Annie, I’m happy. Just you and me.
              Are you okay?
              I just got scared.
              What’re you scared about?
              I don’t know.
              I heard you guys fighting.
              It scared me.
              Adults argue sometimes…
              …but it doesn’t mean anybody’ll get hurt.
              I would never hurt Annie. Or you.
              You should know that.
              I know.
              I see you opened your present.
              Yeah, thanks.
              Let’s go outside and find the baseball.
              You won’t steal this one. I should charge you double.
              There you go.
              See you, kid.
              This is from me to you. There.
              I got that with all my pocket money. Enjoy.
              What’s up, man?
              – What is it? – It’s an orca.
              – Awesome! – Definitely awesome.
              So…
              I’m going.
              First Sacramento, then L.A. Dayton and I are business partners.
              You can get in on it.
              I can’t do that right now.
              Come on, man. This is major stuff!
              We’re going to be rich!
              All right, fool. Be that way.
              Here.
              This is where we’re going.
              If you ever get the guts to go, look me up.
              Sure.
              See you.
              Hey, Willy.
              You miss your family? Well, my mom’s a pain.
              Couldn’t take care of me. Couldn’t take care of herself.
              I haven’t seen her since I was a kid. But I still miss her.
              The Greenwoods are okay. They’re okay.
              You know, it’s rough. I’m nervous with them.
              That’s just the way it is.
              Could be a lot worse.
              Really.
              You understand?
              I’m sure you miss your family too.
              I hope you find them one day.
              I love you, Willy.
              They’re ready inside.
              Want to do some tricks?
              Don’t squirt me. Squirt them.
              Go squirt them, buddy.
              Swimming tail slap!
              All right!
              Why don’t we thank the people for their applause?
              Excuse yourself!
              Thank them.
              Good boy!
              Thank you.
              Want to play ball?
              Good boy.
              Big barrel roll.
              Good boy!
              All right, boy!
              Come on, Willy!
              Go, Willy!
              Double back bow!
              Now come to me!
              And that, gentlemen, is our show!
              You did it!
              You did it!
              Did you see him?
              You can do all that again?
              What you and Rae want costs money. I must be sure.
              Do dogs pee on brick walls?
              I mean, yes, sir. We can do it again.
              Anytime.
              We’ll set it up.
              – We may turn this around yet. – It’ll cost to set up a show.
              So what? We let the kid work up a presentation.
              It catches on, and we’re back on track like we planned.
              “The Willy Show.”
              It’ll make money.
              And that is what we are all about.
              You’ll have a whale of a time when you see me at “The Willy Show”.
              Programs for Willy the whale!
               y:i Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys!  y:i Please take your seats.
               y:i “The Willy Show” will start  y:i in five minutes.
               y:i Just a reminder:
               y:i Please remain seated at all times  y:i during “The Willy Show”.
               y:i If you wish to buy Willy souvenirs…
               y:i … our gift shop has a great selection.
               y:i It’s open all day,  y:i right outside the Aquatic Theater.
              Lots of people out there. You nervous?
              What’s this?
              A little present from Randolph and me.
              Hey, cool!
              Thanks.
              You’re welcome. See you.
               y:i Please take your seats immediately.
               y:i The show’s about to start.
              Hey, Dwight, how you been?
              This is exciting. I’m proud of you.
              Thanks.
               y:i And now…
               y:i … we proudly present  y:i “The Willy Show”.
              Go get them, champ.
              Ladies and gentlemen…
              …presenting the superstar orca of Northwest Adventure Park…
              …let’s hear it for Willy!
              This could be big.
              This could be big.
              And this is Willy’s friend Jesse.
              Jesse and Willy have a special show for you.
              Get them!
                He’s not into it. Something’s wrong.
                Try something simple. I’ll talk.
                Willy is a   -year-old orca.
                He is    feet long and weighs over   /  tons.
                Come here, buddy.
                What’s up, guy?
                Come on, you know the signals.
                Willy, this is important to us.
                Please, Willy! Please! Don’t blow it.
                Come on, Willy.
                I know you can do it.
                All right? Now let’s go, bud.
                All right.
                – Get off the stage! – Shut up.
                Come on, you big sack of blubber! Let’s go!
                Hey! Stop! Stop!
                Like every great performer, sometimes Willy gets stage fright.
                He just wasn’t ready.
                No.
                That wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything…
                I’ll hold it, you kick.
                It takes a lot of courage to do what you did…
                …to work with an animal that’s so big and strong.
                Maybe that whale doesn’t want to be a performer.
                You gave it your best shot.
                You worked hard and did everything you could.
                We’re very proud of you.
                I’d get nervous too, if I had to do tricks in front of those…
                What’s up? Show wasn’t…
                Screw the show. Screw the Greenwoods!
                – So now they’re against you too? – Like everything else.
                You don’t have such a bad thing with the Greenwoods.
                Then you go live there!
                I’m sick of this place! I’m going to find my mom.
                You mean hit the streets again?
                – No, I’ll go find my mom! – Right.
                The state and federal government can’t find her!
                I’ll find her.
                When will you get it?
                When will you get it?
                She’s not coming back.
                Forgot the day she dropped you off?
                Forgot about that? I remember.
                Turned around and drove away.
                Didn’t look around, slow down, or look in the rear-view mirror.
                That sound like somebody’s mama to you?
                These two people want to be your friend.
                That’s more than your mother was.
                You could use a friend. Because if you go off on your own…
                …you’ll end up losing, big time. You got that?
                Shut up and leave me alone!
                I feel sorry for Willy.
                Me too.
                You know…
                …animals can be unpredictable…
                …and they can misbehave sometimes…
                …just like people.
                But that doesn’t mean you have to lose faith in them.
                Right?
                Well…
                …good night.
                What do you want?
                Get out of here.
                Just go.
                Now you want to mess around.
                What happened today?
                You choked, didn’t you?
                Quit it!
                Better stop that!
                Quit it!
                See this?
                It’s going bye-bye and it’s never coming back.
                Don’t you start that.
                I’m out of here.
                Going to California.
                Have a good life.
                It’s your family!
                Randolph! Randolph, wake up!
                Randolph, wake up!
                Randolph, wake up!
                There’s a hole in Willy’s tank.
                They’re trying to kill Willy!
                – Wade was with them? – Yeah, and they dropped this!
                It’s part of the tank.
                Dial’s trying to collect the insurance.
                – Willy’s worth a million dollars. – A million dollars?
                Let’s free him!
                Let’s free Willy. We could put him in the water down at the bay.
                I never liked this job anyway.
                It was no accident. Dial’s trying to kill Willy.
                We’re putting him back in the ocean.
                – You two? – And you.
                – And me? – That’s right.
                Wait a minute!
                He’ll die if he’s dry too long. The tank’s beyond repair.
                His family’s out there! I heard them.
                He’s homesick. That’s why he acts so weird.
                They tried to kill him!
                Hand me that.
                Did you call the police?
                What good would that do?
                If we don’t get Willy into water, he’ll die.
                Either get out of here or turn on the pump.
                Come on!
                Come on, Willy. That’s it.
                Come on, boy.
                Get out of there!
                Come on, Willy! Now!
                Please, Willy!
                Help us get you out of here.
                Attaboy.
                Please, Willy! Please! Just cooperate!
                Come forward.
                Come into the net.
                Good boy. Good boy.
                Good boy, Willy.
                Good boy!
                It’ll be okay.
                It’ll be all right.
                That’s good enough.
                Come up.
                Bring him out more.
                Come on!
                Nice and slow.
                Watch his pecs!
                Come on.
                You’ll be okay.
                How’s he doing?
                He’s all right.
                He’s been moved before. As long as he’s wet, he’ll be fine.
                How’ll we pull him?
                – Hurry, hurry! – I’m hurrying!
                – Go! Go! Go! – I’m going!
                License plate number  – -Zebra-  -Baker.
                Hold on a second. Just now.
                Jesse’s not here. His things are gone.
                Take care of Willy.
                Do we go straight to the marina?
                It’s the only ocean access for miles. Better stick to the back roads.
                Jesse, this is Glen.
                If you’re there, answer me.
                This is Glen. Are you in the truck?
                 y:i If you’re there, answer me.
                 y:i Jesse, please. Answer us.
                 y:i Are you there?
                Okay, let’s go!
                It’ll be okay.
                We won’t let anything happen to him. I promise.
                What do you think?
                The Old Forest Road?
                It’s the least conspicuous.
                Nobody steals a whale.
                 y:i The whale is gone.
                 y:i The trailer and forklift are gone.
                 y:i The trainer and the Indian  y:i must’ve done it.
                – This is a disaster.  y:i – Why?
                Because we don’t have theft insurance on the whale!
                Tell Wilson to bring his crew down.
                See that?
                Oh, no. What are we going to do?
                We’ll have to back it up. Let’s go.
                Keep going.
                It’s okay.
                Watch it!
                Stop!
                You okay?
                It’s okay, boy.
                It’s okay.
                – How’s he doing? – I don’t know.
                He’s pretty scared.
                Maybe we should go forward again.
                If the trailer tilts any further, we’ll lose him.
                It’s okay.
                You’ll be all right.
                – Heard anything about a stolen truck? – It’s yours?
                The whale yours too?
                The whale?
                Back!
                Down!
                Stop!
                We’ve definitely hit some kind of low.
                No question about it.
                We need help.
                 y:i You guys there?
                – Are you all right? – I’m okay.
                What’s going on?
                What are you doing with my truck? And this whale?
                – They tried to kill Willy. – Kill him?
                We’re putting him back in the ocean.
                Glen, help us.
                Help us, and I’ll do anything. Anything!
                What is it that you think I want?
                I don’t know what you want from me.
                Look…
                …I have to look out for Willy, and do what’s best for him.
                You understand?
                Please, Glen.
                I’m asking for your help.
                He’s going to die.
                There’s a chain and a winch behind the seat.
                Go and get it.
                Thanks, Glen.
                Behind the seat. The only place I didn’t look.
                Come on.
                Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.
                Glen’s working on it. We’ll get you out of here.
                Hand me the other board!
                Keep him wet.
                – Coming up! – Keep going!
                Keep going!
                Move your car and lock it.
                Hang a right!
                You’re good!
                Good.
                Jesse, sit down.
                We have to wet him down, he’s getting too dry.
                The sun’s going to come up.
                I know a place we can go.
                Don’t worry, we’ll just give you a nice rinse.
                Open his mouth.
                All right.
                Open up.
                Good boy.
                Good boy.
                Thanks.
                Sorry, I haven’t got a fish for you.
                All right, let’s go.
                – Nice whale. – Thanks.
                It’ll be okay.
                Hang on, we’re almost there.
                We’ve got to hurry! He’s not doing so good!
                Please, Glen! Hurry!
                You’ll be okay.
                Hurry, Glen!
                Go for it!
                Stop them!
                Hurry!
                Come on! We got you to the water, now do your part!
                Don’t let that whale get away!
                Why isn’t he moving?
                You said he’d be okay in the water.
                He’s been out of the water a long time.
                Come on, Willy!
                Go! Get out of here!
                Come here, kid!
                Let go of my boy!
                Good boy.
                I love you, Willy.
                Go, Willy! Go!
                He won’t make it!
                That whale won’t escape.
                Water’s    feet. Those nets will touch bottom. Close it in.
                Come on! Come on!
                Get back here!
                Come on, get out of here! Go!
                Come on, Willy!
                Come on, boy!
                Follow me to the breakwater!
                Hurry!
                Go, Willy!
                Get away from the boats!
                Swim!
                Come to me, Willy!
                Get away from those nets!
                Over here, boy! Hurry!
                Over here!
                Hurry, Willy!
                Come here, boy.
                Come on!
                Come here, boy.
                I’ll miss you.
                Don’t forget me, okay? I won’t forget you.
                Say hello to your mom for me.
                I really love you, boy. I believe in you.
                You can do it. You can be free.
                Now, do it. Do it!
                Come on, Willy. I know you can do it!
                I know you can jump this wall!
                I believe in you! You can do it!
                You could be free! Come on!
                You can jump it!
                Come on, Willy! You only have to do it once! Just once!
                – You ever see him jump that high? – Things can happen.
                I hate that whale.
                Bye, Willy.
                I’ll miss you.
                Hope I get to see you again.
                I love you.
                Thanks, guys.
                Thanks a lot.
                So long, Willy.
                Let’s go home.

Jaws on they ass

O 10º Griffe Show apresenta desconto de até 75% em marcas consagradas.
Este é uma bela oportunidade de adquirir uma bermuda xadrez (R$ 70,00)
da Joss ou uma sapatilha azul (R$ 89,90) da Le Solier, conforme
a foto acima. O evento, que acontece iniciou no dia 06 de novembro
e se estende até o dia 22 no Minascentro (Rua Guajajaras, 1022, Centro)
em Belo Horizonte (MG).

LEIA MAIS NOS SITES
:: SORTIMENTOS.COM >> http://www.sortimentos.net/?p=4249
:: GEBBEG >> http://gebbeg.com.br/?p=7273

.

they inform me that a sinner is to be hanged in the streets of paris

he stands accused and presently condemned of some manner of ill

that he propositioned some lady in the bloom of her youth

how knowingly he whispered vile doings into her pure and saintly ears

gnashing his teeth as though he be some ancient general returned from war

gently whispering into her ear all those oiled and caressed touchings

that he was intent upon unleashing upon her fair form

recoiled – yet bemused and curiously magnetised, she continued to breath-in

his wildly scented visions of plunder – aye, plunder

in the grip of passion and having judged her fruitful – he proceeded to

gently yet firmly train his hand beneath her inner thigh and there

moved to scotch her young linings

the summer heat doubly condemned her to a season of sweated convulsions

of all this – he now stands accused of violating some inelianeble code of conduct

some murmured that he had besmirched the eternal elegance of those fair streets

laughable indeed

for those be the same walkways given over to overmuch giggles as school-children

daily engage in that ancient art of fleshly communion

how defiled be the be the walls enjoining the towns – shamed to a backward manner

at the unending train of flesh perusing those darkly lit walkways in search of

and receiving coinage

those society balls be but mere charades – a gloriously painted valley of ancient

sarcophaguses graciously hiding their garish remains

for to all be harlots – penny happy prostitutes  ever rushed and shaken

at the sight of trimmed skirts

thigh whispered eyes – calloused jaws – overbent nostrils

how we all stand condemned by the fair night in her memory stares

you shall thus do well to erect a second guillotine – as i also intend to

there be disrobed and be rid of my inane hang-ups

touching upon the rest – hang upon your laurels

Healing Bleeding from the Teeth

Nature Cure

• Take 3/4^th litres of water. Drink before brushing. If you cannot drink it in one go, then take time to drink it. Then brush the teeth. You can take coffee or tea after 45 minutes. All the unwanted bacteria in the mouth and the intestines will be washed away.
• Brush with fingers both teeth and gums.

Mantra Healing

• Chant the mantra Om Aum (like Owl). Place your hands on the jaws and chant. Place the left hand over the mouth and then the right hand on top of it to handle polarisation of electro-magnetic energy.

Reiki

• Following the Quick Reiki approach

Give Reiki to both jaws.

Then to the nearest (related) chakra – Throat Chakra

Solar Plexus Chakra

Third Eye Chakra

Gem Stones

• Pray to Saturn, before meeting a Dentist.

Chant Blue Sapphire (Saturn is represented by it) or take pills of Blue Sapphire

Chant Om Sanaicharaya Namaha

Before the dentist appointment, take Blue Sapphire and Mimulus (for fear) pills

Bach Flower Remedy

• Agrimony is the base remedy for all teeth problems. The root cause for teeth issues is hiding your worries.
• The bleeding is only when I brush in the morning: White Chestnut
• The bleeding happens whenever I change the paste: Walnut

Mind Body Intelligence

• The psychological reason behind the issues is, ‘Not able to bite the reality’. Therefore, affirm, “I accept myself totally. I feel safe and secure”.

To purchase pills made out of Gem Stones and Bach Flower Remedies, please contact Shobana at 9884301634 (Chennai, India) or please send an email to balakumar49@yahoo.com

Let’s start the reviews with the worst game I actually kinda like.  I almost feel guilty for liking it because it’s a steaming pile of shit, but we all have some game from our past that we “like” on pure nostalgia alone.  What’s humorous is that I can show nearly the entire game in a handful of screenshots, so for those of you who do not feel like going to the flea market or paying $2 on eBay for this stinker, consider this “playing the game” with me.

LJN is well known for their awesome movie to game conversions.

The game starts out with no surprises.  The title screen shows Jaws, just like you’d expect, and in fact it’s a fairly decent image for the NES.  Now, if you’re a fan of the Angry Video Game Nerd, I bet you can spot an ill omen on this very title screen.  Go ahead, take a look…yep, LJN made this game.  The rainbow of death, damning this game to be a shoddy piece of ill-conceived garbage that has nothing whatsoever to do with the franchise of the title.  Guess what?  This game won’t disappoint.

Looks just like Amity...right?

Pushing start brings up a screen that is so pointless it doesn’t even merit a screenshot here.  It reminds you that you have three lives, and displays a, uh, “high score,” further reinforcing the feeling that this is essentially an Atari game made for NES.  That feeling will not disappate, and in fact you’ll find that it’s a strong portent of things to come.  You knew LJN wouldn’t let you down.

Guess what? You just saw 90% of the game.

After that, you’re treated to a map that not only looks nothing like Amity, New York, but looks nothing  like a beach, or anywhere for that matter – nevermind the presence of two harbors so close to one another, with no settlements nearby.  Oh well, it is the NES and we can have some leniency, it’s not like most games back then had really detailed maps.  The game’s shit factor lies not in any one aspect but in the whole.

You just saw another 9%.

So after wandering around the map for a few seconds, you’ll “hit something.”  Now, let’s talk about this.  I’m not a sailor, but I know that when you hit something with your boat, at least anything that would necessitate a stop, it’s probably a really fucking bad thing for the boat.  What’s weirder than the fact that immediately after leaving harbor you plow into some unknown object (what did you hit?) is that as a kid, you don’t give it a second thought.  Yep, I hit something, now can I shoot shit?  As a matter of fact you can.  Your boat quickly disappears (sinks?  what the fuck happens here?) and out pops a diver with a harpoon gun.  If you were not touching land, you’ll wind up in deep water.  Now, I understand this is NES.  But exactly three enemies show up.  Stingrays that swim horizontally, jellyfish that rise vertically, and small sharks that go back and forth and try to home in on you.  None of them are a real threat; of the whole lot, jellyfish are the most dangerous because they can sneak up on you from the floor resulting in a sudden death.  Yep, one hit, you’re gone.  The enemies show up according to a script that does not even vary by playthrough; eventually jellyfish that kind of move diagonally and stingrays that haul ass show up, but it’s the same old song and dance.  Killing them produces either useless items that give points (who cares?) or conch shells, which for some reason the guys in the harbors really love.  If you were touching the land you’ll wind up in shallow water, which is quite a lot more dangerous just because you have no damn room to maneuver.  If Jaws shows up while you’re in shallow water, kiss your ass goodbye, that fucker takes up nearly the whole damn thing.  You’ll also notice that the play control is stiff and there is a noticeable delay before moving.  More on that later.

Jaws suffers the indignity of an antenna up his ass.

Ah, the often commented upon receiver.  What exactly this is, we can only guess.  The illustration shows a shark with a transponder (a really fucking big one!) stuck in its ass, but how Jaws was lured into that harbor and fitted with a tracking device but not killed outright is anyone’s guess.  Just look at the expressiveness of this image.  A nice, cartoony “burst” effect where the probe is shockingly jammed up his shark anus and a truly priceless look on his face that screams out, “Please!  Get me the fuck out of this LJN game!”  Even discounting this, it’s a laughably useless powerup.  It gives some kind of EKG readout when he’s in proximity.  Not that this matters, it doesn’t show his direction and the boat moves faster than him, so avoiding Jaws isn’t very hard, nor is finding him.  This item apparently exists for the sole purpose of simulating the increasing tempo of the Jaws theme.  I can think of no other reason for it to be in the game.  You can’t avoid getting it unfortunately, since you’ll need some power upgrades to actually kill him.  The little bastard regains health in between battles and with really low power you won’t kill him faster than he regenerates.  Every now and then, you’ll get a scripted bonus round.

You've seen nearly the entire game now. Seriously.

For whatever reason, a seaplane loaded with bowling balls flies over the ocean, dumping them on hyper-intelligent jellyfish that perform a choreographed dance.  Amazingly, if  you’re able to smack enough of these jellyfish you’ll get conch shells.  Yeah, I know.  I don’t get it either.  Their dances change every time, but nothing else changes.  Ironically, as the game progresses they become totally unnecessary, since you’ll gain conch shells faster than you can make it from port to port to trade them in for power upgrades, so they just become a delay to the inevitable.

The powerup that makes the game playable.

Now, let’s discuss one more powerup before we get to the end.  Yep, the minisub.  Why does this fucking thing shows up in random spots in the middle of the ocean and nobody minds if you hijack it?  Whatever.  It lets you take another hit before you die, although you lose the sub, and lets you drop bowling balls like the boat or plane, but whenever you want.  Now for the part that will make your blood boil.  It fucking improves play control!  That’s right, having the sub will make the diver responsive and the game playable!  What the fuck!  Why isn’t that the default?  It proves that LJN can program a game with responsive controls, so why didn’t they do that without the need for a goddamn powerup?  The fact that this is something you have to upgrade to is a fucking outrage.

Anyway, you can repeatedly upgrade your harpoon power, although it only affects the damage you deal against Jaws.  You can get up to power level 9, though that’s not only unnecessary, but counterproductive; if you wait that long to fight Jaws, the enemy scripts will be considerably tougher and the jellyfish and small shark spawns will get in the way.  Jaws himself isn’t even remotely challenging, he just swims back and forth slowly, his only weapon his huge size, which really only helps him in shallow water.  And when I say “not even remotely challenging” I mean he is a fucking embarassment.  Not only does he not pursue you in any intelligent manner, not only do harpoons slow him down, but the easiest battle strategy is to stay close to him and even pursue him once his back is turned due to the fact that you fire faster when you’re close, since you can only have a few harpoons on screen at a time.  Once you’re power level 4 or even 3 you can probably beat him with ease, just go out a little bit and hold still, and he’ll come to you.  Even if you don’t kill him in the first round, just hold still and you can repeat this until you win.  What a letdown, Jaws is supposed to be a badass.

The final 1% of the game and one of the weirdest final battles ever.

But you’re not done with this woofer yet!  Once you drain Jaws’s health, you’ll go to one of the most surreal final battles ever.  You’ll find yourself in a seemingly endless ocean where your boat can only move laterally, while Jaws repeatedly charges you then backs up.  How the fuck is it that in this fight, both you and Jaws are performing exactly the kind of motion that neither of you are capable of?  Sharks can’t swim backwards!  Boats don’t strafe!  When he gets close enough, use a “strobe” to make him break the surface.  Why the fuck would he do that?  And what is a strobe?  I cannot find one reference to any kind of strobe used in fishing.  Is it a strobe light?  You’re a shark hunter, not a goddamn raver!  Is Jaws expecting you to toss a handful of ecstacy in his mouth when he breaches?  He can’t even hurt you here, he just goes back and forth, moving to the side a bit forcing you to follow him with the boat by strafing.  The fuck kind of final battle is it when you are at zero risk?  When he rises up, if you got the distance and position just right, you can make your boat magically charge forward in a sudden burst of forward motion to impale him on your bowsprit (why are you in a sailboat, anyway?).  Yep, the final scene is an enactment of Jaws 4, or something.  It’s not any more challenging than the rest of the game, although I’ve seen a couple reviews that claim this is somehow maddeningly difficult to line up.  Just line the fin up with the bowsprit, and raise him up before he gets really close (or after he starts to back off a little), and it’s a sure thing.  Not only is it easy, but if you fail to do it in three tries, you don’t lose the game, or a life, or even a power level, you just go back to the boat and Jaws is at full health.  One of the easiest enemies in any game, ever.  Once he’s dead, you fly off into the sunset and some bizarre jungle music plays.

Congratulations, you've seen the entire game. I'm not kidding.

So, why is Jaws such a shitty game, and why do I still kinda like it?  Well, to start with, I just showed you the entire fucking game.  No, I’m not exaggerating.  Remember, this is on NES, and even at release the NES had games like Super Mario Bros, with 32 scrolling levels, comprising hundreds of separate full screens, and all of them scrolled.  Jaws features a grand total of seven play screens – 2 screens of map, 2 very slightly different battle screens (one of them is two screens deep!), one bonus level (this really shouldn’t count since it’s just a cutoff of the top of the deep water battle screen),  and the final battle, which is just an infinite scroll screen that never changes.  And that’s being generous in the count.  Even counting the title screen, the startup screen, the ports, and the ending, the total number of screens used only comes to a whopping twelve.  Twelve!  Maybe thirteen if you are extra generous and count Jaws death screen where he sinks to the bottom, but that’s just another recycled screen from the deep water battle screen, so that’s really stretching it.  There are more unique screens than that in the first level of Super Mario Bros!  The graphics aren’t so awful as to be a hindrance, but they definitely don’t impart anything special, and the music, if you call it that, is just some hastily thrown together shit that you probably won’t even notice playing.  At least it isn’t droning, three second loop bullshit like some games by LJN, but it’s not much better.  The gameplay itself is repetitive and lacks any variety whatsoever, it has three stock enemies, two of them are completely linear and unresponsive to your actions and the third is the only real “enemy” you find aside from Jaws.  Jaws himself is a truly pathetic attempt at a boss, the jellyfish are more likely to kill you while you try dodging him than he is himself due to his snail pace.  Despite all of this, I still occasionally play this game.  It was one of the first games my parents bought when they picked up our first NES, and after years of playing Atari, this wasn’t really a letdown or anything.  Of course it wasn’t as good as Mario, but it was better than the even shittier port of Wheel of Fortune we also had, and it pretty much plays just like an Atari game with updated graphics.  I mean that, if you disregard graphics, you could almost certainly reproduce the play experience of this game on a 2600.  I imagine the programmers had previously worked on games for Atari and really didn’t know jack shit about the NES and its capabilities except that they could draw better pictures.  Either that or they were a bunch of lazy motherfuckers who churned out a shitty game in one weekend and marketed it with a big name on it, which is exactly why we had it – my mother saw the name, figured if I like the movie, surely I’ll like the game, and besides, it wouldn’t have the title of a blockbuster franchise like Jaws if it were bad, right?  Wrong.  So wrong, and so typical of the marketing back then.  Even though I personally get about 10 minutes of pleasure out of it every few years, when I want to feel like I’m a kid all over again, I have a hard time imagining anyone today really giving a damn about this game.  Especially since you’ve now seen the ENTIRE game.  I shit you not.

Next up, I’ll tackle a game that actually does not suck at all, but you’ve probably never heard of, much less played.