It seems even more people are enamored with Susan Boyle in the States than in Britain where she is competing in Britains Got Talent.    Got to thinking what could stop her.   Could it be people’s natural instinct to root for the underdog.  Now that she is the favorite, does that put her in a spot?

Now Bill at Comics I Don’t Understand might get on me for such an old reference, but on this side of the pond anyone over 20 probably knows about Nancy Kerrigan taking a hit in the knee from Tonya Harding’s then husband Jeff Gillooly and his friends.  Is the reference too old?

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Sure, you can’t think of ice skater Nancy Kerrigan without thinking of Tonya Harding.

Harding was the nearest rival to Kerrigan back at the Figure Skating Championships of 1994 which were held in Detroit, and Jeff Gillooly, Harding’s ex-husband, wanted to make it easier for his wife to come up with the title and advance to obtain a berth for the US Olympic team heading to Norway.

And so Gillooly hired Shane Stant, a street gangster, to attack Kerrigan during the competition’s practices. The attack was successful and Nancy Kerrigan was forced to withdraw from the competition, while Tonya Harding went on winning the championship.

When the FBI got involved, they discovered that Harding knew of her ex-husband’s intentions but did not revealed anything. The US Olympic committee wanted to remove Harding from the team, but Tonya Harding filed a $20 million lawsuit, but she dropped it when the USOC said she could stay.

Despite of her injury, the USOC gave Nancy Kerrigan a spot on the Olympic team.

On Norway, everyone was ready to watch both Harding and Kerrigan competing against each other, but the Gold went to Oksana Baiul of Ukraine, while Kerrigan got the Silver and Harding finished 8^th after a broken boot lace which stopped her at the middle of her act just to start back again after another 4 skaters.

Did anyone say karma?

Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday, I opted to celebrate Columbus by going on roller coasters. So, it was with great regret that I missed out on Nancy Kerrigan’s birthday. And really, who doesn’t love Nancy Kerrigan, besides maybe Jeff Gillooly and Tonya Harding… Actually, I don’t really care either, but I do like Catwomen and Bat babes. Also there is a hilariously bad version of Mr. Freeze with a bad Arnold overdub, it’s epic. Enjoy.

And if you’re curious as to my roller coaster experiences, I suggest checking out the video below the jump for an example of what I did.

Yeah, that’s 0-128 mph in 3 seconds. Oh, and a short 458 foot climb straight up. Awesome.

One of my biggest fears was confirmed yesterday when I went to Wendy’s for lunch. When I asked the drive-thru guy for a couple packets of honey, he gave me the same look that used to fluster his geometry teacher right before he dropped out of high school. He told me they had honey mustard, which is just not my thing.

This was the second time in two weeks that the same scenario unfolded, leaving me with little doubt that Wendy’s no longer offers honey as dipping sauce (Surely, I didn’t get waited on by consecutive nugget jockeys who couldn’t differentiate between honey and honey mustard).

I don’t understand why Wendy’s finally decided to pull the plug on honey. Did bees go on strike? Was Dublin, Ohio, raided by bears? Whatever the reason, I’m sad to see one of the world’s most underrated condiments go the way of the dodo and the McLean.

To make sure that none of my other preferred sauces get vaporized, I’m going to rate all the condiments I can think of. Dear corporate bigwigs, please don’t take away anything I’ve given more than two stars.

Ketchup: The Rolling Stones of condiments. It’s been popular forever, and no one seems to hate it. Unless it’s on a burger or hot dog, I really don’t use it. Three stars.

Catsup: Why haven’t we settled on one spelling of this word? I’d take this one away because it contains the word “cat,” which never sounds good when you’re ready to eat. Unless you’re Vietnamese. Zero stars.

Mustard: Solid. More flavorful that ketchup. Like its red brethren, I use it strictly as a hamburger or hot dog complement. I’d score it higher than ketchup, but it’s not nearly as versatile. Most people would probably rather dip something in Paris Hilton. Three stars.

Dijon mustard/Spicy brown mustard: I’d like to abolish these. I’m tired of living in a world of fear. Did the menu mean that my panini grill would have yellow mustard on it or some bastardized mutation? If it wasn’t for old Grey Poupon commercials, these inferior mustards wouldn’t get any stars. One star.

Mayo: Mayonnaise has a lot going against it. For one, it looks and smells absolutely disgusting. Also, it will probably end up being responsible for more deaths than World War I. But it tastes good, especially lathered on a Jimmy John’s sandwich. And there’s a pretty kick ass Smashing Pumpkins song that shares its name (although Billy Corgan did spell it incorrectly). It’s not a slam dunk, but I don’t want to be the one responsible for mayo getting eradicated. Three stars.

Ranch: The rising star of condiments. Thank god someone thought to try it on other foods and not just a bowl of leafy greens. Ranch is good with chicken sandwiches, wings, nuggets, pizza and even your girlfriend’s parents. I’ve heard ketchup has been conspiring with Jeff Gillooly. Five stars.

Honey: Fantastic on nuggets and french fries (seriously, just try it). Although it’s not that it’s not a condiment for all seasons, it will be missed. Four stars.

Honey mustard: I don’t prefer condiments that have an identity crisis. But I know lots of people that swear by honey mustard. Maybe I’m missing something. Two-and-a-half stars.

BBQ: In the world of condiments, BBQ sauce is King Midas. This sweet, tangy and spicy nectar will turn any food to gold. And if you pour it on gold, it will magically become Jessica Alba’s ass. Five stars.

Hot sauce (wing sauce): Guest commentary from my esophagus: “I hate this shit. Zero stars.” Fuck you esophagus. Hot sauce is awesome. Five stars.

Terryaki: Unlike most condiments, terryaki tastes great and isn’t terrible for you. Like that matters. Five stars.

Sweet and sour: Really, you’re out of all the other sauces? Ehhhh, I guess you can throw in a couple sweet and sours. Two stars.

Salsa: Salsa is allegedly becoming the world’s most popular condiment, but it’s only good with tortilla chips, tacos and burritos. Plus, salsa dancing is horrendous. Do you think the southerner who invented BBQ would lend its name to an activity that is only enjoyed by middle-aged women and Latin American males in their late teens and early 20s? Three-and-a-half stars.

On the same day that Clinton came out with the controversial statement at a press conference in Greensburg, PA (yes, the same one where she made her sniper comments), “He [Obama's pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright] would not have been my pastor.  You don’t choose your family, but you choose what church you want to attend.”

Now, I’ll agree with that statement – if my pastor ever said any of the wacky things that Wright has said, I’d have kicked him off my campaign and left the church immediately, but that’s just me.

So the same day, a “Democratic Party official” spoke with ABC News (http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/03/dnc-official-cl.html) and told them that she would have to “break his [Obama's] back” and slaughter him in order to win the nomination.  ”Her securing the nomination is certainly possible – but it will require exercising the ‘Tonya Harding option.’  Is that really what we Democrats want?” the official said.

The “Tonya Harding option” refers to Tonya Harding when she had somebody bash Nancy Kerrigan’s knee so that she couldn’t participate in the Olympic skating contest.  Kerrigan eventually recovered, but neither won the gold.

Here’s what ABC had to say:  “It implies that Clinton is so set on ensuring that Obama doesn’t get the nomination, not only is she willing to take extra-ruthless steps, but in the end neither she nor Obama win the gold.  (In this metaphor, presumably, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., would be Oksana Baiul.  Does that make former President Bill Clinton Jeff Gillooly?)”

So that got me thinking – I should photoshop this:

Now that I’m done scarring you for life … let me sum up to say that if the Democrats keep up the infighting, McCain’s victory will be assured.

Done Ranting,

Ranting Republican
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