We are Kansas.

RD and JG here. We made the 2013 M3E jello shots yesterday before and after the Kansas/Oklahoma State semi-final game. Today, we told Kansas State AGAIN that this is OUR state. WE ARE KANSAS. To celebrate, we sampled this year’s M3E shots and felt compelled to power rank the 13 choices in honor of our Big 12 Championship, because conference gerrymandering is why no conference has the number of teams that their name calls for.

So here we go. Unless, we note otherwise, each recipe starts with the box of jello being whisked into boiling water for two minutes. It’s then followed by chilled booze, juice, and/or ice or water. Great tip from the Jelly Test Kitchen that you should let the hot jello chill before you add the alcohol to avoid cooking off the booze. We’re not that patient. We threw in some ice that otherwise would have been water to cool it off and then topped it off with the chilled alcohol called for in the recipe. The ice/water is not necessary. You can use all chilled alcohol, but at M3E, it’s about pacing oneself and by all means, not vomiting. SD does NOT like it when people vomit. Of utmost importance though, it’s the most wonderful time of the year to watch CBB, and that’s something you need to remember. We prefer black-out-free M3Es. That’s how Cheez-it boxes end up fully-lit on the deck when they were meant for the chiminea. Yeah, RH, when you read this, we know that was you, son.

And now for the 13 Shots:

1. Banana Nirvana = Strawberry-banana jello, 1 cup boiling water, 1/3 cup chilled vodka, 1/3 peach schnapps, 1/3 cup water or ice.
2. Blue Power = Berry blue jello in 1 cup of boiling water, 2/3 cup chilled Malibu rum, and 1/3 cup ice or chilled water.
3. Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper with Lime = 2 boxes cherry jello mixed into 2 cups boiling Dr. Pepper. 1 1/3 cup chilled vanilla vodka, a couple squeezes of fresh lime, and 2/3 cup ice cubes/water.
4. Grape Crush = Grape jello in 2 cups boiling water. Few ice cubes to cool it off. 1/3 cup chilled vodka, 1/3 chilled Chambord (raspberry liqueur), and 1/3 cup chilled sweet & sour mix.
5. Jager Bomb = 3 packets of Knox powdered gelatin stirred into 2 cans of boiling red bull and stirred for 2 minutes. Add 1 1/3 cup chilled Jager and 2/3 cup ice or water. A double batch.
6. Lime in the Coconut = 1 box lemon jello and 2 boxes lime jello with 2 ½ cups of boiling water; stir for two minutes. Add a few ice cubes to cool it down, and then add 1 cup pineapple-coconut juice, 2 Tbsp fresh lime juice, 2 cups chilled Malibu rum. A double batch.
7. OSU Slut = We had some Jager left, we didn’t have cranberry juice, and we’d just beat Oklahoma State…plus, why do all the red heads have to be sluts? 1 ½ packets of Knox powdered gelatin and a little less than 1 cup boiling water stirred for two minutes. Few ice cubes to cool it off.  2/3 cup chilled Jager, 2/3 cup peach schnapps, and 2/3 cup orange juice.
8. Peach Champagne = Peach jello with 1 cup boiling water, 2/3 cup chilled champagne, and 1/3 cup ice or chilled water.
9. Pina Colada = Pina colada jello, 1 cup boiling water, 2/3 cup chilled Malibu rum, and 1/3 cup chilled water or ice.
10. Pineapple Upside Down Cake = 1 ½ packets of Knox Gelatin mixed into 1 cup of boiling water, 2/3 cup chilled vanilla vodka, a dash of maraschino cherry juice, and 1/3 cup water or ice.
11. Purple Kitty Meat = Raspberry jello and 1 cup boiling water. 1/3 cup chilled pineapple vodka, 1/3 cup Chambord, and 1/3 cup Sierra Mist.
12. Sex on the Beach = Orange jello and cranberry jello in 2 cups boiling water, 2/3 cup chilled vodka, 2/3 cup peach schnapps, and 2/3 cup chilled water or ice. This yields a double batch.
13. Strawberry Champagne = Strawberry jello with 1 cup boiling water, 2/3 cup chilled champagne, and 1/3 cup ice or chilled water.

After a heated debate about the pros and cons of lime jello’s resume, we decided we each needed to publish a version of the power rankings. We begin with RD:

13. OSU Slut – This is the first time the texture of jello grossed me out, and it’s hard to gross me out with jello. I once went to a jello wrestling party at the Triangle fraternity house…I think, it may have just been a bad dream after going on a date with a Triangle who had us go dutch at Taco Bell. This shot needed orange or cranberry jello or cranberry juice or much like the KU Triangle house…to just have never existed. This slut failed. Hard.

12. Jager Bomb – Well, it tasted like a Jager bomb, so I spit it back into my cup. The Wichita Wolf Pack will love it though. What’s wrong with you kids?

11. Pineapple Upside Down Cake – A+ for presentation. We placed a maraschino cherry in each cup. D- for flavor. It reminded me of something John Calipari said about his team this year, only I’ve had 13 jello shots as I’m typing this so I can’t think of the exact quote. But this shot is terrible…just like Kentucky.

10. Sex on the Beach – Well, it’s just like sex on the beach. It sounds like a great idea putting vodka, fruit, and peach schnapps together, but the reality is that this shot is awful…like sand in your ass crack, cold breeze from the ocean, and weird foreign tourists starring at your bare ass. Bad.

9. Peach Champagne – This recipe is stolen from the RH/BH Wedding Jello Tower.* It tastes like a peach jolly rancher, but now that we’ve sampled all the shots in this field, I wish we’d delivered better at their wedding. Sorry guys…we let the whole. team. down. on this one.

8. Pina Colada – If you like pina coladas, you’ll get exactly what you’d expect. It tastes like a pina colada. Personally, I prefer the frozen rendition over the jello or Rupert Holmes version.

7. Lime in the Coconut – Unlike the way green jello goes over at a hospital cafeteria, this one is smooth and delicious. Tangy, tart, and sweet. But no matter what you take away from this post, lime jello was NEVER the best jello flavor growing up. It was anything red.

6. Purple Kitty Meat – This tastes like candy stolen from a baby, the way the championship game went down tonight. Only we earned it, because our boys worked hard. How ‘bout that bench? So really, other than KSU fans acting like babies tonight, that analogy doesn’t work…except that this jello shot tastes like purple candy.

5. Strawberry Champagne – Some might say it’s lazy to make two different fruit-flavored-champagne jello shots. And those some would be right, but Richard Gere told us in Pretty Woman that strawberries and champagne go well together, and then Julia Roberts taught us that strawberries get seeds in your teeth, so we cut out the part that might make people think we do drugs and gave the combo a try.** It worked. It tasted like when my grandma made “fancy” jello growing up (strawberry jello and 7-up). I see why Richard Gere bought it for his hooker now. It’s fancy…and delicious.

4. Blue Power – I’m not sure if this jello shot lives up to its color, because it’s neon blue. Bring on the royal or navy, or don’t bring it at all! That said, this shot is an M3E tradition, and we here at M3E value tradition. Solid work, blue power. Solid work.

3. Grape Crush – It’s JUST LIKE GRAPE DRINK from youth sports events. Yes, ma’am and sir. It’s get-up-early-on-a-Saturday-morning-even-though-you-hate-everything-about-AYSO-soccer-in-order-to-get-the-free-grape-drink-at-the-end-of-the-game GOOD.

2. Banana Nirvana – Talk about a dark horse. This bad bitch is scrumptious. Lots of banana, touch of strawberry, and a Cinderella-slipper-type finish.

1. Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper with Lime – Why aren’t more jello shots made with boiling pop instead of water? It’s like Brawndo; it’s what jello shots crave. Well, not all jello shots can win the number one slot, just like not all coaches can be Bill Self. Congratulations CVDPWL! You win RD’s 2013 M3E Bill Self of Jello Shots Award.

*RH and BH let us build them a dessert bar showcasing a jello shot tower as our wedding gift to them. They’re awesome. I love it when two Miracles fall in love.

**We can’t find a clip of this part of the movie, but if you haven’t seen it, shame on you. Shaaaaaame!

JG went in the opposite order, and we’re keeping it this way, because this is a blog, not an effing term paper.

1. Dr. Pepper
It’s all that and a bag of chips. Solid Dr. Pepper base, with subtle vanilla and cherry flavors, and it finishes with an actual cherry. It ain’t diet, but it is just what the doctor ordered.

2. Blue Power
This masterfully crafted shot shimmers like the crystal clear waters of the tropic. Berry flavors provide you with a nice finish. It’s like a vacation for your mouth!

3. Lime in the Coconut
This delicious treat benefits from having the best flavor of jello from your childhood. Coconut rum mixes nicely with the citrus. A solid shot.

4. Grape Crush
Bam! This shot smacks your taste buds like the grape ape himself. Powerful.  Makes it easy to see how “purple” became its own flavor.

5. Piña Colada
It is hard to improve on a sure thing. The only thing keeping it out of the final four is its lack of originality.

6. Banana Nirvana
While not exactly enlightenment, banana and strawberry find a way to cohabitate in your mouth. In the end, though, banana reminds you of a clingy girlfriend. We get it. You taste like bananas.

7. Purple Kitty Meat
Middle of the road. Sweet, with a nice finish. But overall left me wanting more.

8. Sex on the Beach
Way too busy. Orange, cranberry, other stuff. This shot tried to do an awful lot, but ultimately left me craving a shot of southern comfort for some reason. I hate southern comfort.

9. Strawberry Champagne
I didn’t know you could ruin strawberries. Kinda of like how MGD, the “champagne of beers”, this shot also has a horrible aftertaste.

10. Peach Champagne
Rounding out the disgusting champagne shots, comes this one named after the two worst strippers at a bad club. I imagine this tastes like a peach jolly rancher at the bottom of a cup of stale beer. I imagine, because there is no way I would willingly eat that.

11. Orange-headed Slut
This one tastes just like eating a redheaded slut, if the redhead just finished hockey practice and wasn’t into the whole “showering thing”.

12. Pineapple Upside-down Cake
PUC. Awfully close to puke and for good reason. The only cake it resembles is the urinal variety. The best part was the cherry and that’s not saying much.

13. Jäger bomb
What if you could make a Jäger bomb less messy and solid? Turns out you can, but it still tastes like ass. Oh and now you have to chew it. Fail.

JG and RD signing off. It’s time for a palette cleanser more in fashion with Team D of Chez G. This:

Team D of Chez G really likes scotch. Don’t judge. This is like a week’s worth of empty bottles.

For the float:
6 ounces blackberry liqueur
1 packet Knox unflavored gelatin
1 package (3 ounces) grape Jell-O
1 cup hot water

For the blackberry float:
In a small mixing bowl, mix the gelatin and grape Jell-O into the hot water until completely dissolved, 5 to 7 minutes. Let sit for 5 minutes, then stir in the blackberry liqueur. In a small, nonreactive baking dish or loaf pan, pour a few drops of cooking oil and wipe out with a paper towel, coating the entire vessel with the barest layer. Pour blackberry float mixture in and set to chill in refrigerator for at least 2 hours and up to overnight, making certain it is level.

For the gin sour:
1 cup gin or vodka (lemon infused)
2/3 cup fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
4 packets Knox unflavored gelatin
1 cup hot water.

Juice enough lemons to give you 2/3 cup juice, keeping the hulls as you squeeze. Roughly chop the squeezed hulls and put them in a coverable container along with the gin and the lemon juice. Leave at room temperature for at least 2 hours. It’s a good idea to do this before starting the float, so that by the time that has firmed up, your infusion is ready to go. When the float layer is firm, bloom the gelatin in the hot water by sprinkling it slowly while stirring, and continuing stirring until fully dissolved. Add the sugar and stir until that is also fully dissolved. Strain the gin mixture off from the lemon hulls through a fine sieve or  and add it into the gelatin mixture, stirring well. Over a spoon, so as not to gouge a divot in the float layer, pour the lemon sour mix onto the float layer and return to refrigerator, again checking for levelness. Chill overnight. When ready to serve, cut into squares, or use a cookie cutter for shapes, and pull up carefully, using a cake spatula to get under the float layer. Garnish with a blackberry and/or a thin wedge of candied lemon.

Jelly Shot Test Kitchen: http://jelly-shot-test-kitchen.blogspot.com/2011/05/bramble.html

Cucumber Lime Margarita Jello Shot :: Instructions

Pear Melon Martini Jello Shot (aka Lucky-Tini) :: Instructions

Ocean Margarita Jello Shot :: Instructions

Butterbeer Jello Shot :: Instructions

Polyjuice Potion Jello Shot :: Instructions

Jello shots at a wedding?? You must think we are outside our minds, but these gourmet jello shots are actually turning into a huge trend this year! Dare to be different and serve these playful cocktails as your signature drink at your outdoor wedding! Check out more jello shot ideas HERE!

P.S. :: Jello shots can be made the night before your event, but don’t cut or unmold them until about an hour before serving! Also, since they are prone to welting in a buffet setting (and will probably be sitting out for more than 20 minutes), just add 1/2 to a full envelope of gelatin to the recipe to prevent welting!

Enjoy!

Mary Katherine
Event Solutions
281.781.7676
info@eventsolutionsonline.com
Contact us today to schedule your complimentary consultation!

Credits:
Jelly Shot Test Kitchen

Despite the obvious flaw in the publisher’s logic–no college student has the money to buy a book of nothing but jelly shot recipes, especially not if it’s not available as an iPhone app–it’s difficult not to get sucked into browsing dozens of professionally styled photos of vibrant, glimmering, liquor infused jellies.

{All images via Jelly Shot Test Kitchen or Pinterest}

One of the best trends that I’ve noticed taking place at weddings is the “Signature Wedding Drink.” Some couples decide to stick with one drink (hence the word signature!) but others might feature a signature drink for both the bride and groom.

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Another most fabulous idea is a twist on the popular 80′s party staple, the Jello Shooter. The Jelly Shot Test Kitchen has taken a house party idea and given a glamorous and much needed makeover. With names like Twinkie Trifle, The 78, Lucky-tini O’ the Irish and Ocean Margarita your guests will love this unique version of cocktail classics.

Grape Ape! Image & recipe from The Jelly Shot Test Kitchen

To read the article on Jelly Shot Test Kitchen and find more recipes, click HERE.

• 1/2 cup cream
• 1 envelope plain Knox gelatin
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup vodka
• 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

• 2/3 cup flat lemon-lime soda
• 2/3 cup Tom Collins mix
• 2 envelopes plain Knox gelatin
• 2/3 cup grape flavored vodka

Related articles

• Cocktail of the Week (almost30something.com)

Gimlet jelly shots

From Spoon: When you think of foods to enjoy in Maine, you’re no doubt thinking lobster, clams and blueberries. But hey, why not jelly shots? We are here on holiday, after all, and nothing says good times like a jelly shot, right?

Before you shake your head in disgust, forget all about those Dixie cups of vodka and orange Jello you had in college.  We’re talking about sophisticated jelly shots in cocktail “flavors” like mojito, negroni, Pimms cup and that WASP-y summertime favorite, the gin and tonic (which we drink a good bit of in Maine). Our inspiration comes from the new book, “Jelly Shot Test Kitchen: Jell-ing Classic Cocktails – One Drink at a Time,” by Michelle Palm.

These tasty little morsels have a lower alcohol content than their frat-party cousins, and most are simple to make. Palm has helpfully noted whether each recipe is “easy,” “intermediate” or “advanced,” and as long as you have the ingredients and a few basic pieces of equipment, you should be able to master any of them.  You can get all fancy with silicone molds and exotic garnishes, but to get started, all you need is a metal loaf pan, a sharp knife, and a small offset spatula.

The gimlet jelly shot is delicious and a good one to start with.  It’s traditionally made with gin, but you could, of course, substitute vodka.

Getting started with jelly shots

Gimlet Jelly Shots

2/3 cup lime syrup (see recipe below) or Rose’s lime juice

2/3 cup water

2 envelopes Knox unflavored gelatin

2/3 cup gin

green food coloring

lime zest for garnish

Combine the lime syrup (or Rose’s) and water in a medium saucepan and sprinkle with the gelatin. Allow the gelatin to soak for a minute or two. Heat over very low heat, stirring constantly, until gelatin is fully dissolved, about 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in the gin.

Pour half the mixture into a metal loaf pan and place in the freezer for 15 to 20 minutes to quick-set. Check often to avoid freezing. Pour the rest of the gelatin into a glass measuring cup and set aside.

When set, remove the pan from the freezer and rack the gelatin with a fork until small, uniform globules form. Use the fork to distribute the globules evenly in the pan.

Pour 2/3 of the gelatin mixture in the measuring cup over the raked gelatin. Add a drop or two of green food coloring to the remaining gelatin. Use a teaspoon to drop spoonfuls of the tinted gelatin into the pan at regular intervals.

Transfer the pan to the refrigerator to chill until set, 2 to 3 hours. Cut into desired shapes with a knife or cookie cutter.

Lime Syrup

1 ½ cups water

1 cup granulated sugar

4 medium limes, each cut into 8 wedges

¼ cup Rose’s lime juice

Combine water, sugar and limes in a medium saucepan. Muddle the limes. Bring to a rolling boil over medium heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and strain immediately. Stir in the Rose’s lime juice. Allow to cool to room temperature.

Another pretty way to present jelly shots

Seriously, if I had a tail, I’d be wagging it like crazy!

Welcome to the Jelly Shot Test Kitchen

(Cucumber-Lime Margarita Jelly Shot. Made with muddled cucumber, lime, and agave tequila tied in cucumber ribbons. Cayenne sprinkle on the side, for dipping.)

Here’s how blogger and creator, Michelle Palm, explains her work:

“Jelly Shot Test Kitchen began in the summer of 2009 as a means to keep friends and family updated on our latest cocktail-to-jelly-shot translations – which springboard the traditional jello shot right out of its Dixie cup into a fun, sophisticated alcohol infused bite!”  

Seriously the coolest website ever.

I may spend the next couple months studying her blog and website. I have a sudden, unexpected need to have jello shots at my wedding… no, excuse me, jellY shots… they look classier that way.

Please enjoy the following works of art, because I can’t get enough:

(Bramble cocktail shots with blackberries)

(Paloma shots made with grapefruit soda, tequila, lime, and gelatin)

(Tom Collins shot garnished with orange and maraschino cherry)

(Mandarin and mango Cosmopolitan shots)

(Molded French 78 shots)

(Washington apple shots)

(Oasis breeze shots with coconut and pineapple)

Please take the time to visit Michelle’s blog and her flickr album to see even more AWESOME pictures of her work.

Now… I wonder where she lives, if she’s available, and how much she charges!!!!!!?????

Oh, AND she just came out with her book Jelly Shot Test Kitchen, which you can find on Amazon HERE, and I believe you can also find it at your local Barnes & Noble.

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Here’s the answer:

A Jelly Shot Test Kitchen “cookbook” (cookbook?) is in the works and they have come to Zeichen Press to help create some buzz. I wonder if it’s because they caught wind of our professionalism. Probably.