Som mange sikkert vet er avgiften på biodiesel som AP ønsker å innføre ganske omstridt.

Regjeringspartene SV og SP ønsker ikke å innføre denne, men Stoltenberg står på sitt og det med god grunn, det er nemlig ikke småpenger vi snakker om. 16 milliarder vil staten få inn hvert år fra denne avgiften, mer enn fra formueskatten som staten får inn 12 milliarder fra.Om så bare 10% går over til biodiesel om man fjerner avgiften vil staten tape 1,6 milliarder kroner. Om man regner det om til skoler eller sykehjem er dette ganske mye penger for en avgift som har liten effekt når det gjelder kutt i utslipp sammenlignet med CO2 fangst teknologi som Jens Stoltenberg nå har fått et Sør-Afrikansk energiselskap med på  å utvikle. Klarer de å utvikle slik teknologi vil dette kutte 60 MILLIONER tonn CO2 bare fra en sør-afrikansk fabrikk, mer enn Norges totale utslipp på 55 millioner tonn CO2. Da blir biodiesel saken liten iforhold.

Selvsagt er det synd for de som mister jobbene sine som er et godt argument mot innføringen mener jeg at innføringen er riktig da det finnes langt mer effektive tiltak som CO2 rensing som vil gi store kutt i CO2 utslippene uten at det betyr tapte inntekter for staten.

Det at AP på VGs nyeste partibaromter faller med 7% , dobbelt så mye som under Aker-saken ser jeg ikke på som noe stort problem, velgerne vil ha en regjering som tørr å stå på sitt fremfor opposisjonen som bare vingler og krangler.

AP har vært igjennom harde tider før og kommet styrket ut av det, det trur jeg de vil gjøre også denne gangen.

God morgon!

Idag ska jag träffa Jens! Han bor också i Göteborg  men kommer från Umeå som jag och är också uppe och hälsar på.

Blir väl en fika och massa prat, alltid lika trevligt. Vi har ju en hel del att ta igen

Som sagt. Hann jag inte följa med min bror ut igår kväll eftersom jag var bort bjuden på middag. Och hann därför tyvärr inte med både och. Men men, Ny dag med nya tag! Vad sägs som en frulle i det kök jag ätat frukost så många gånger?

Awesome!

I am making a big show of late about how I consult the authorities before I do so much as fart in a cupped hand and throw it in my mother in laws face.

I simply MUST know what I am allowed to do and what I may not do.

And it is no good going with ones instincts or using common sense as your rudder.  There are rules and laws in Denmark and they are not always obvious.

For example, did you know that in Denmark, it is illegal to cheat your taxes?

Well, yes, I know that you didn’t know that, and to be honest, that is why I am bringing it up.

It is a well known fact that between 68% and 89.5% of all adult Danes cheat their taxes.  They do this by working for what is called ‘black money’ or trading goods in cash.  And they like to buy things that have fallen off the back of a lorry.

Don’t worry, the Danes won’t get caught, but you, as a dirty filthy stinking foreigner teaching your children bad manners and speaking in an unintelligible accent WILL get caught, because the authorities have an eye on you AND your Danish neighbours are highly likely to report you.

They will report you for:

• speaking in an offhand manner to your children or pets
• working for cash
• not working
• driving in a foreign car
• having foreigners over to visit
• not attending the ‘byfest’ (town party)
• being teetotal
• praying on a mat
• having a beard
• wearing a headscarf
• not cutting your hedge
• having trees in your garden
• not speaking Danish to your kids
• having curtains
• smoking hash

Just so you know.  But remember, all you have to do is what they do:  do all of the above, but HIDE it.  Danes are really into subterfuge.  Those oddly similar lounges with the black leather/white canvas sofas and the ‘minimalistic’ white walls?  That is because they can’t have anything in their lives for fear of it being obvious what they are up to.  If ye just stick with what everybody else does you can stay out of trouble,  and it you can’t do it you must PRETEND.

So where was I?

Oh yes. As an Idiot Foreigner, you must do a lot of things to secure your place here and at least try to avoid being reported.  The first thing you must do is INTEGRATE.  You all know what that means, but the question is, can you suck it up?

Only mental deficients can suck it up, but you may want to do the next best thing which is to PRETEND to at least be trying.  The people proclaiming themselves to be Danes and prancing about saying this is their ‘land’ are never going to accept your garbled accent anyway, but the least you can do – FOR YOUR OWN SAKE – is to act like you care, act like you are trying.

And of course life here is tough.  The prices are extreme, and the selection of goods on offer pathetic.

Sadly, I have it on first hand authority that a lot of internationals living in Denmark are actively cheating the system by finding unimaginative ways to get their goods smuggled over.  They don’t want to pay the taxes, they don’t want to buy from companies here who ship foreign goods over, they don’t want to have to pay what it actually costs to live in Denmark so they cheat.

Here are ways you can make Denmark bearable,  get all the stuff you miss from the place you really perhaps shouldn’t have left if you need to ship half of the ‘mart every month and cheat the system out of the cash you would be paying if you went through proper legal routes:

• have friends buy your goods in the U.S. and take them out of their wrappers, stamp on them a few times, repackage them and declare their value as $1 before sending them to you in Denmark with no cover note
• Many companies in the U.S are unhappy about the high taxes in Denmark and sick of getting goods returned to them and having to pay refunds when expats in DK balk at paying the high taxes to release packages.  Some refuse to ship to Denmark, but a small minority will quite happily lie about your goods and label them as less worth than they are,  an even smaller minority will pay half the tax for you.
• Have regular visitors.  Persuade them to bring few clothes so that they can pack their suitcases with the goods you shouldn’t really be able to afford (YOU ARE LIVING IN DENMARK AND THAT MEANS YOU CAN NO LONGER AFFORD BETTY CROCKER CAKE FROSTING!!!!!!),  and hope that customs don’t stop them.  Yes, folks, this is smuggling.
• Find yourself finding more reasons to visit your folks back home than you did when you lived on that continent, because at the back of your mind, you know, that if you had to live on what is basically on offer here in Denmark you would go out of your mind and need to leave. While visiting, make sure you stock up on all the things you can’t live without and go back to Denmark feeling you can get through the next five weeks, but only just.

I am sure there are more ways to cheat the system here, and live here, but not really ‘live’ here,  but I am so boring and unimaginative that I cannot think of anymore.

Not that I judge others for being as bent as a 7 dollar bill,  Denmark is a tough place to live and we all find ways of not really doing it 100%.

But like I said, this is where pretending to be integrated comes in.  Even if we are not integrated, we have to pretend to be integrated don’t we?  Even if we are not really integrated but just really really good at pretending we are and that anyone who isn’t able to pretend is a shmuck.

I think it is Hershey wrong for Hershey foreigners Hershey to come here Hershey and not integrate. This is Hershey Denmark and Hershey if they don't Hershey like it they should Hershey go Hershey home.

Photographed by Steve Wampler

I don’t know her name, but she was standing outside of Doc’s on South Congress just enjoying the music at SXSW. She was kind enough to let me take her picture.

Taken during the South by Southwest (SXSW) music festival on South Congress Ave in Austin Texas.

– License

Gisteren in het park zag ik Katrien. Ze zat helemaal alleen op een bank voor zich uit te staren. Die zit niet goed in haar vel ….. Ik heb haar maar niet gestoord. Zou ze Tim missen?
Paulien en Jens zijn er ook mee bezig….

Een student godsdienstwetenschappen … zou die beter bij Katrien passen dan Tim? Geen idee eigenlijk. Het hangt er helemaal vanaf wat voor een jongen het is.

En dan had ik nog graag met Simonne gesproken over Herman, maar die is tegenwoordig altijd zo druk bezig! Jammer voor ons …

Ja, da er valget over, det blir fortsatt rød-grønn regjering med Jens Stoltenberg som statsminister også de neste 4 årene. Regjeringspartiene fikk 86 mandater mot de borgerliges 83, av de rødgrønne partiene fikk AP 35,4% av stemmene (fram 2,7%), SP 6,2% (tilbake 0,3%) og SV 6,2% (tilbake 2,6%).
Det var få stemmer som avgjorde og det var spennende til siste slutt.

Dette valget var et av de viktigste som har vært på mange år: det stod ikke bare om rød-grønt eller borgerlig, men om velferdsstatens fremtid. FRP og Høyre ville bygge ned velferdsstaten som Arbeiderpartiet har brukt mange år på å bygge opp. Det tar lang tid å bygge opp en velferdsstat, men kort tid å rive den ned derfor kunne jeg puste lettet ut da det endelige resultatet tikket inn og Jens Stoltenberg blei kåret til vinner av valget.
Dette valget var et bevis på at folk ønsket ikke skatteletter for de rikeste, sprit på bensinstasjonene og nedbygging av velferdsstaten de ønsket fortsatt gode skoler og sykehus, en god eldreomsorg og en god velferdsstat for alle.
Nå venter forhandlinger om en ny regjeringsplatform for Stoltenberg med Senterpartiet og SV som til tross for sine noe svake valgresultater har lovet tøffe forhandlinger, likevel er jeg ikke i tvil om at de vil komme frem til gode kompromisser og sørge for 4 nye år med god politikk.

I know I shouldn’t laugh, but I am hearing increasingly desperate versions of what people are doing to ’stay positive’ and get through that barren wasteland that is Denmark in the Winter.

If you’ve only done 1-3 Danish winters here (and by Danish winters I mean November-April) you won’t quite be aware of what it means to do a Danish winter.  The harrowing nature of the Danish Winter only comes into true effect when you have layered a few full winters one on top of the other year after year.

Fewer still will know what life is like to do a Danish winter without little cheer-up excursions out of Denmark.  A lot of people claim to know what Danish Winter is but cheat by leaving it every couple of weeks.

But that is one of the ways to survive (i.e: not really integrate with) Danish Winters. Here are some others that I confess I have tried myself in the past or have some understanding of others trying even if I wouldn’t/couldn’t do it myself….

WAYS FOR THOSE FROM OTHER BACKGROUNDS THAN DANISH TO SURVIVE THE DANISH WINTER:

• start drinking Christmas beer.  The Danish alcoholics and stereotyped Greenlanders drink this potency all year around,  but now you can drink it and not be called a lowlife,  which you are of course, for drinking the stuff that tastes of sick and makes your brain shrink and your liver expand.
• have regular manicures.
• lose touch with reality.
• buy a new wooly hat.
• throw yourself into ‘danish hygge’:  tune in, sell out, gain weight.
• buy a pet you can put all your spare energy into
• eat marzipan
• drink christmas beer like it was soda
• leave the kids in daycare longer
• leave the television on 24/7
• make things out of raffia and felt, show the finished creations off in your home
• beg people from overseas to come and visit you.  Lure them with promises of a Scandinavian Christmas,  pretend that Denmark is like a fairytale and everything is encrusted with elven diamonds and silverlattice worked tendrils.
• dye your hair an alarming colour (I am doing this tomorrow)
• have an affair (studies show that infidelity peaks during the winter in Denmark)
• use tanning booths (with apologies to a mate, I have also done this)
• rise above everything, rise above death, famine,  disease,  inequality,  exploitation,  crappy neighbours, awful language, war and small pox. Rise above it all, hold yourself erect, whistle a happy tune.
• count your blessings.  After all, it could be worse,  you could be living in Afghanistan or Milton Keynes or Birmingham Alabammy.  Or working at Disney Florida.
• Get into christmas, I mean really into it, that is what it is there for.
• Drink more christmas beer until you wake up with the taste of rancid arse in your mouth and then switch to akkavit.
• Book little freshen-up trips out of Denmark to span the entire winter.  Go to places of culture and personality and warmth and interest.  Return to Denmark feeling refreshed and able to cope with the next three weeks.  Then preach to others who can’t afford said trips out that they should really be more positive about Wonderful Denmark.
• Make a bubble of happiness and live in it and do not let the outside world encroach. (I do this and it works very well for me)
• Put your fingers in your ears when you hear people speaking Danish and go ‘LA LA LA!!’ (My own personal fave).
• Learn a new language over the dark months, I suggest Norwegian or Welsh.
• Try hard drugs,  research shows they are healthier than christmas beer.
• Join a club.  Swinging clubs are huge in Denmark, mind you, statistics show I probably don’t need to tell YOU that.
• Buy a house,  throw everything you’ve got into ‘being’ here so it feels like you have a reason to get up every morning.
• Start a course of anti depressants.
• Start a course of heavy duty painkillers.
• Start a course of sedatives.
• Book yourself into mental hospital where the drugs and therapy is free and you get to chainsmoke and watch tv all day.
• Listen to upbeat music.  Make a special little selection for yourself.
• Send your email contacts sentimental little chainletters about how much you value friendship.
• Have a mantra:  for example:  “This is what I chose, I love to suck it up!”  “I love him, really I do,  it’s okay he can’t live anywhere else but Denmark!” or the oft celebrated:  “I love Denmark and everything about it. Especially the magical stardust sprinkled Winters with all the magic unicorns skipping past and the crisp white snowdrifts and all the magic magic lovely fantastikness of it!”
• Take dance classes,  break out a new you who dances through winter.
• Have a baby,  or adopt one,  or babysit a neighbours unruly kids every weekend for a month so you feel blessed not to have a baby adopted or otherwise.
• Chant:  ‘The Grass is always Greener’.
• Eat more vegetables, become healthy, exercise, take care of yourself,  your body is a temple.
• Plan next years trips out of Denmark.
• Eat foreign food.
• Watch lots of feel good movies.
• Light a lot of candles, every single night you idiot.
• Pretend to be a Viking.  Or pretend to be the Santa’s little helper.  Or any other pretend friend.
• Leave Denmark for the entirety of Winter (only good for those who are on welfare or screwing the system in some way or filthy rich).
• Laugh, a lot,  over matters you find amusing.

So there you go.  I hope you found that list helpful and/or insulting.  Either way, it’s not my problem.

You made your bed, now make it a bed of roses or leave.  After all, if you are not happy here, then why don’t you just leave?  Eh?  Eh?  Eh?

And. If you have any other real or unreal suggestions as to how people with another cultural background than Danski can survive the dark blearily drunk end of the Danish year then do so write in your little suggestions in the comment box.

Tok tempen i dag. Har visst feber og vondt i halsen.

Ingen skole i morgen, kan sove lenge. Med vondt i halsen. Og feber. Og litt vondt i rumpa, ettersom den stygge tempen gikk litt langt inn. (Skulle gjerne minnet dere på den musikk videoen igjen, men det orker jeg ikke)

Men f… Daniel, Herman og Jens skylder meg tilsammen 39 kr. Skulle få de i morgen.
Men f… Jeg og Jens skal jo ha fremføring i morgen.
Men f… Vi skulle jo se på film i Engelsken.
Men f… Vi skulle sikkert få karakter på engelskbrevet (og omfg jeg har en god følelse på at jeg får 6.)
Men son of a b*tch… hvorfor må jeg være syk NÅ?

Nå skjer det jammen meg mye moro… men. Jeg kommer nok til å bli hjemme en stund… så la oss se det på den lyse siden.

Jeg slipper sikkert unna og gjøre den dumme journalen.
Jeg slapp faktisk RLE prøven.
Jeg kan sitte hjemme, og kose meg.
Jeg kan spille Xbox 360 mens folka lærer om stuff som ingen bryr seg om.
Jeg kan sove lenge.

Og MASSE annet. Men men… mye vondt og.

Sees, i morgen da. ^^

“Kongen skal stedse bekjende sig til den evangelisk-lutherske Religion, haandhæve og beskytte denne.”

Kongeriget Norges Grundlov, § 4

- Det er kongens fulle frihet og rett til å velge å være kristen. Men det er pinlig og svært beklagelig at han blander seg inn i noe han ikke har noe med, nemlig vår statsform. Ved at han mener at konger i fremtiden også bør være kristne, begrenser han den religionsfriheten han selv benytter seg av.

Jens Brun-Pedersen. pressesjef Human-Etisk Forbund

Statsforfatningen i Norge har utviklet seg over lang tid. Våre prinsipper har gradvis blitt påvirket av internasjonal rett, samtidig som vi har beholdt noen av de mer sære bestemmelsene våre. Reglene i kapittel B i Grunnloven om Kongen og hans familie er et eksempel på dette. Selv om det i dag ikke ligger noen reell personlig makt hos Kongen, kan det likevel tenkes at han er gitt visse friheter som ikke bør innskrenkes.

Den siste uken har det vært debatt etter at Kongen uttalte følgende:

- Jeg syns at kongen i Norge, med vår tradisjon, skal være kristen.

Utsagnet skapte furore hos Human-Etisk Forbund, som kom med en noe oppsiktsvekkende uttalelse(se over). Første del av utsagnet om at Kongen har religionsfrihet er ikke noe nytt, men del to er noe mer kinkig å godta. Første spørsmål er om det i det hele tatt er å “blande seg inn” å komme med uttalelser om fremtidige kongers religion. Og er det ikke noe urimelig å mene at Kongen skal være avskåret fra å komme med uttalelser som har noe med Norges statsform å gjøre? Norge er et monarki, noe Jens Brun-Pedersen også burde godta.

Alle nordmenn har ytringsfrihet. Det beste beviset på det er utvilsomt Nina Karin Monsen. Grunnloven § 100, 3 ledd, nevner uttrykkelig at “frimodige ytringer om statsstyrelsen og hvilkensomhelst anden gjenstand ere enhver tilladte”. Alle kan altså mene og si det de vil om statsstyrelsen i Norge. Brun-Pedersen mener tydeligvis likevel at Kongen ikke skal ha den samme retten som alle andre i hele landet har. La oss nå anta at grunnlaget for den begrensede ytringsfriheten er at Kongen er en offentlig figur som fremstår som et forbilde. Da vil vel også Regjeringen og Stortinget også være avskåret fra å mene noe om statsstyrelsen i Norge. Det ville vel være noe problematisk i et demokratisk land.

Videre kommer delen av utsagnet om at Kongens utsagn om fremtidige kongers religion “begrenser den religionsfriheten han selv [Kongen] benytter seg av”. Her vil jeg vise til Grunnlovsbestemmelsen som står øverst på denne siden. Jeg sliter litt med å godta at Kongen per nå har religionsfrihet. Selv om borgerne har religionsfrihet etter både Grunnloven og Menneskerettighetsloven har ikke Kongen det, i mine øyne. Det er vanskelig å tenke seg at en generell oppfatning om religionsfrihet kan endre Grunnlovsbestemmelser. Konstitusjonell sedvanerett foreligger vel heller ikke i dette tilfellet.

Likevel: Det er nok et riktig prinsipp å tenke seg at fremtidige konger burde ha religionsfrihet. Men når en konge først har valgt en religion, burde han ha retten til å beskytte denne religionen med sine uttalelser, slik som borgerne kan. Det er med andre ord verken beklagelig eller pinlig at Norges Konge mener eller ønsker at fremtidige konger skal være kristne. Om Kongen skulle legge fra seg sin ytringsfrihet bare fordi andre meninger strider mot hans syn, ville det vært mer beklagelig og pinlig.

Gisteravond! Ik loop langs het appartementsgebouw waar Julia en Cois wonen, en wie zie ik daar naar buiten spurten, recht de struiken in?

Ik heb m’n gsm bovengehaald, ‘t was sterker dan mezelf …. In het licht van de lantaarnpaal stond Tim zich haastig aan te kleden… Hij zag mij, en riep: “Doe maar, zet het op uw blog, ze mogen het allemaal zien.” Maar verder wou hij niks zeggen.
Wat was daar toch gebeurd? Dus ik dacht: ‘t is nu toch laat aan het worden, ik loop nog ‘ns langs het jongerencafé….

Ik vind het verschrikkelijk …. ‘t Was zo’n mooi koppeltje! Waarom mogen die nu niet samen blijven?

Zelf gaat het mij ook niet zo goed. Geen telefoontje, geen sms. ‘t Is somber in de herfst.

Eigentlich hatten wir gestern gar keine richtige Lust runter zu gehen. Michi ging schon vor, während ich noch TV gesehen habe und das ein oder andere Bierchen verdrückt habe.

Ich ging dann runter, holte Thomas ab (der mir eigentlich noch ne Wohnungsbesichtigung versprochen hatte, es dann aber doch nicht getan hat *grrr) und dann gings ab auf den Campus. Dort war noch nicht so viel los. Im Zelt quatschten wir erstmal hier und dort.

So gegen 22.15 Uhr fing die Band an zu spielen (Mad House) – anfangs waren wir was das angeht tatsächlich noch sehr kritisch. Etwa 10 Minuten später waren wir dummerweise die aller ersten vor der Bühne, bis alle anderen nachzogen. Michi, Jens, Martin, Hörby, Isa und ich hatten zumindest ne Menge Spaß. Wobei ich mir bei Isa nicht ganz sicher bin Isa wurde nämlich von dem Sänger auf die Bühne gezogen und durfte mal fleißig mitmachen (Sie wurde regelrecht auf die Bühne gehoben, weil sie absolut keinen Bock hatte, wir aber der Meinung waren, dass sie da hoch muss) Noch vor der Pause waren wir alle samt auch auf der Bühne Immer peinlich machen … so kennt dich wenigstens jeder … hat total Spaß gemacht – auch ohne viel Alkohol. Wir waren schon bei der Bandpause total heißer. Aber naja. Auch nach der Pause wurde gerockt – aber dann für uns auch nicht mehr lange, weil die ganzen betrunkenen Deppen angefangen haben zu Pogen. Zumindest bezeichneten sie diese gegenseitige Verkloppe als solches.

Kurz vor 2 sind Michi und ich dann gegangen … Da war die Lust irgendwie weg. Naja. Insgesamt war es ein sehr lustiger Abend, trotz wenigen Alkohols

(Ja ich weiß, alles sehr kurz gefasst und nicht sonderlich toll geschrieben – aber ich fühlte mich einfach genötigt mal wieder zu bloggen )

Mit etwas Verspätung – die wir durchaus verkraften, da letzte Woche ein bisschen Oktoberfest gerockt werden musste – folgen hier die Plan B Online Awards für September! Heute werden zwei Preise vergeben: Der MVP Award und der MVPic Award. Und da dies eine kleine Award Show ist und ich Angst habe von Kanye West unterbrochen zu werden, versuche ich das jetzt einfach mal schnell über die Bühne zu bringen.

MVP Award September 2009

Welches Bandmitglied wurde im letzten Monat am meisten angeklickt? Die Antwort dazu liefert folgende Grafik:

Seitenaufrufe des jeweiligen Bandmitglieds im September 2009

Und damit geht ein Glückwunsch an unseren Frontmann, der es zum zweiten Mal geschafft hat diese Trophäe zu gewinnen. Christian ist damit auch Rekordhalter in dieser Kategorie und darf sich selbst jetzt auf die Schulter klopfen. Einen weiteren Rekord hält übrigens Jens: Er ist mit vier Platzierungen auf dem letzten Platz derjenige von uns mit den wenigsten Klicks überhaupt. Und da die Awards nur fünf Mal verliehen wurden, ist das auch eine Leistung. Im gewissen Sinne. Egal, zur Feier des Tages gibt es ein Bild von Christian in ungewohnter Pose: Er bedient ein Musikinstrument – und das sogar einhändig!

Christian - Gewinner des MVP Awards im September 2009

Und warum Jens das ewige Schlusslicht trotz Votingaufrufs bleibt: Ich weiß es nicht. Wenn ihr Jens glücklich machen wollt: Klickt einfach mal auf sein Profil. Danke!

MVPic Award September 2009

Das Bild, das im September auf flickr am meisten angeklickt wurde, entstand kurz vor der “School of Rock”-Show im Backstage-Bereich. Und damit ist eigentlich schon alles gesagt. Herzlichen Glückwunsch, Band!

Band - Gewinnerfoto des MVPic Awards im September 2009

Die wichtigsten Details des Bildes:

• Jens sieht größer aus, als er eigentlich ist.
• Tobis rechte Hand ist bereits im Rocker-Modus.
• Unsere Kleidung ist wirklich gut aufeinander abgestimmt.
• Der Backstage-Bereich ist nicht so toll, wie man sich ihn vorstellt.

Demnächst gibt es weitere mehr oder weniger sinnvolle Berichte zur Band. Ich hab einige Ideen, deren Umsetzung höchst fragwürdig ist. Lasst euch überraschen!

Bleibt uns treu,

Der Peter

I quote the Copenhagen Post in full:

“Police continue rounding up and arresting rejected Iraqi asylum seekers still living in Denmark

Two more Iraqis have been arrested and face forcible repatriation back to Iraq, despite one of them suffering from dementia.

Hassan Gardi, 72, has been in Denmark for eight years with his wife. Both were arrested yesterday and taken from their residence at the Kongelunden Red Cross asylum centre in Copenhagen, which caters for refugees with special needs.

Gardi’s dementia is worsening according to his doctors but the Immigration Ministry has ruled out dementia as an illness allowing for humanitarian asylum.

The Kirkeasyl support organisation feared that Gardi and his wife would be transported back to their homeland soon and described the situation as ‘horrible and appalling’.”

Skatt er en sunn medisin for velferdsstaten. Problemet er bare at for mye medisin ofte fører til overdose.

Løsningen på et sosialdemokratis problemer er mer penger. Resultatet er dystert.

Vi har et av verdens dyreste helsesystem, i det samme helsesystemet dør skjebner i behandlingskøen.

På skole er vi europamestestere i pengebruk, men i matte er prestasjonene nederst på treet.

Veiene koster dobbelt så mye som de burde og dermed bygger vi også halvparten så lite vei.

Det fins kommuner der det bor 90 mennesker og vi har 19 fylkeskommuner som alle vedtar luftproblematikk.

Er løsningen mere penger eller en radikal endring i offentlig sektor? 

Jens Stoltenberg har et vanvittig bra kort i alle diskusjoner. Hjerterkonge. Hjerterkonge står for følelser. Kutter vi i skatter må vi TA fra noe. Hvor vil dere KUTTE, spør han, og ser dumt på Erna Solberg. Hva slags VOODOO økonomi vil dere føre, spør han igjen, humrer og ser sleipt inn i kameraet på velg og valg 09 vel vitende om at folk har hørt det før. 

Og det funker særdeles godt. Selvfølgelig! Frykt og følelser er jo genialt! Ikke alle synes det er logisk at mindre penger i et system faktisk kan føre til at det samme systemet blir bedre.

Men logisk er det. Formueskatten dreper 10 000 arbeidsplasser hvert eneste år. Toppskatten som eksempelvis rammer lærere og rørleggere, gjør at rørleggere arbeider svart og at lærerne ikke stimuleres til å jobbe mer. Eiendomsskatten gjør at kommuner blir mindre attraktive både investerings-og bostedsmessig. Arveavgiften gjør at familiebedrifter går dunken ved et generasjonsskifte.

Det er bare det at logikk, kløver 4, er et veldig kjedelig kort å spille ut. Derfor skal jeg i fremtiden IKKE prate om en formueskatt som dreper 10 000 arbeidsplasser og således skatteinntektene til disse arbeidsplassene. Derimot skal jeg prate om de 10 000 menneskene som ikke får jobb fordi systemet nekter dem det det. Jeg skal snakke om de 10 000 familiene hvor far eller mor er arbeidsløse fordi at ARBEIDERpartiets formueskatt gjør at arbeidsplassen deres forsvinner.

Jeg skal snakke om følelser akkurat som Jens. Men mitt kort er mye bedre, Hjerteress. Hjerteresset er bygd opp av mer enn følelser, og danker ut Kongen på samme måten som Royal Street Flush danker ut to par i Poker.

Når regningen kommer om et par perioder, og det gjør den virkelig, vil Jens tape dette spillet, han vil skjønne at han ikke burde ha gamblet på Kongen og han vil til slutt innse at han ved valget i 2009 skulle ha stemt Høyre.

Ligger virkelig løsningen hos skattebetalerne?

I’ll tell you a funny story a friend of mine told me.  She went on a date in Denmark.  He was charming,  Danish charming, he was polite and educated, relatively sober,  open and engaging and bought all her drinks and saw her to her cab home.  The date went so well, she sms’d him the next day.  He sms’d her. They agreed to meet again.

Two dates lead to three.

For the third date, she was invited to his apartment, he was going to make her dinner.  How nice.

It was the usual Danish apartment.  White walls,  spartan,  same L shaped sofa and coffee table arrangement.  Same low slung lamp with untidy electical flex snaking off down the wall.  Same table sailing with it’s four chairs.  Just the usual.

Then there, in the middle of one wall was a large professional photographic portrait of my friend’s date.  It was he, as a much younger man,  with his ’studenterhue’ on.  The cheap bit of pork pie shaped millinery teens don when they graduate here.   But she wasn’t prepared for that sight,  not framed on a wall.  It seemed utterly out of context and extremely comical.

She didn’t know about such things.  See, she was not of Denmark.  She laughed.  Laughed there and then out loud.  She couldn’t help it.  It was such a funny little hat.  And his expression was so serious in the picture.  There was no ‘hahahha I am wearing a funny little hat!’ on his face it was all: ‘this is a hat i will wear to have a professional photograph taken in and then for the next ten years i will have it, pride of place, on my wall, and I will bring dates home to see it’.

She didn’t know anything about why people in Denmark wear funny little hats with such pride.  She didn’t know that the studenterhue, the student hat, is as important as democracy and freedom here.  It’s part of being Danish. As Danish as the Dannebrog.  If you have been bothered enough to learn Danish, you can read all about the student hat here:

http://da.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studenterhue

All I can tell you is that these hats….hang about, I will get you a picture….

..these hats, people get them in Denmark when they are young, when they have finished a certain level of their education.  When they are about 18, they graduate from whatever it is they have been doing,  and they get to wear the hats to celebrate it.  This is, of course, a great reason to get sh!tfaced drunk.  The youngsters board themselves on rickety wagons and get carted from house to house where the parents are supposed to, one after the other, supply the visiting teens with alcohol.  It is tradition.

THIS IS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!

So in a way, it’s all kind of understandable.  Whom among us has not gotten drunk as a teen?  Who among us has not celebrated the end of schooling?  Who among us has not put on a silly hat?  Who among us has not been driven in a cart from family home to family home being supplied with steadily more and more alcohol by parents pressured by oneupmanship and tradition and how it always has been in Denmark and how it always SHALL?  Who among us has not then proceeded to wear said silly hat for months and months afterwards?

Or is it weeks?

Or is it just them?

There is a time in the Danish calender, where the streets and city parks are blighted with the sight of this comical little fez .  And then it becomes very odd.  People going about their normal daily life wearing identical funny little hats.  Shopping at bilka…with a funny little hat on.  Walking the dog…with a funny little hat on.  Looking really miserable because you’ve got period pains..with a funny little hat on.

It gets beyond a joke,  but thankfully, at some point we don’t have to keep on looking away in embarrassment (“Jeeze Louise, when WAS it you graduated?”) at the funny little hats going about their day to day business LONG PAST WHEN is decent.  The hats one day disappear as swiftly as they arrived.

At some point, the TeenDenish put that little hat away, put it away, maybe for some person one day, to use as an ash-tray… when hiding in the basement from Mad Nobby. The hat is away and  maybe a mouse will nibble through it,  maybe a child will one day find it and ask to know the story of the funny little hat and you will tell it, with tears in your eyes, when you remember the happy days of being carted about town getting steadily drunker and drunker on your parents tab.

*sigh*

Have a drink. Go on. It won't kill you.

I think we can all relate to the pride one feels in graduating something, but what I object to is the relentlessness of the Danish traditions, steamrolling through the years, year in year out.  Another batch gets baptised, another batch gets confirmed, another batch puts on a silly hat for a few weeks and eventually takes it off.  Another batch gets married.  Another batch celebrates 25 years in the same desk job.  Another batch gets deaded and buried with a tombstone with a little bird sitting on it and a miniature tree by the tombstone that is tended by invisible caring hands.

It’s the relentless security of the Danish Way that leads a person to want to upset the apple cart a little.  Such as recently retired boss of defense did over Jæger Book scandal.

My friend with her date?  Oh it didn’t end well.  He wanted to know what she found so funny.  He came slowly walking back into the lounge carrying two empy wine glasses, eyeing her threateningly.

“It’s just that picture….” she said, bent double, wheezing in amusement.

“Yes?” he said,  raising one eyebrow.

“Well, the hat..you know,  what is all that about? And why do you look so serious?”

She wanted to ask him, also, why it was on his wall, like that,  you know but he then proceeded to drone on for quite some time about Danshish Tradition and why it needs to be taken seriously because Danes are the crown of fecking creation.

She did leave, yes she did, she made her excuses and left.  And he was probably relieved, because in the long run, it would never work.

Danish men and foreign women sometimes work, but not if the Danish man is very Danish and the foreign woman doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut. There are many things you can do with a Danish man that are fun, but what you must never every do is scorn their traditions.  The minute you start to do that, your marriage to them is over.

Ups!  But here I go again, writing like the only people who read this are women married to Danes who secretly wonder what in the hell they got themselves into!

It’s much easier to leave an Italian.

"Hi. I can't remember your name, but maybe you can remember my hat? I was wearing it the night we..you know, and I hope you will contact me so we can sort out visitation for our son Tuesday August Fifth Sørenson. I wanted to show you how happy I was to graduate, I remember that much. And I am glad i did, because I am a free woman, living in a free land, making my own free choices in freedom."

Seconds – 1966

Director – John Frankenheimer

Starring - Rock Hudson, Salome Jens, and John Randolph

With a twist that I saw coming from a mile away, John Frankenheimer’s Seconds is a film that suffers because of my knowledge of modern movie making.  Simply because of the fact that I’ve seen movies such as The Usual Suspects, Saw, and anything directed by M. Night Shyamalan, I, and others like me, are far more likely to spot an ending like this coming.

While the general plot of the movie was an intriguing one (a man gives up the trappings of his old life, and assumes a new identity in an effort to start over), the ending wasn’t alone in being rather sub-par and un-fulfilling.  Our main character, Tony/Arthur, has been receiving disturbing telephone calls from his old friend.  The problem is that is friend has been dead for a while.  It turns out his friend has enlisted the services of the “organization”.  For a cost, the organization will fake your death, and then provide you with extensive plastic surgery, dental reconstruction,  a new home, new friends, and a new job.  All this is provided for by the insurance policies that “the organization” takes out in your former name, and then collects on your behalf.

The problem comes in when the services rendered aren’t necessarily asked for or sought out.  Arthur (our main character’s name before his faked death) was told to go to a secret location by a friend who he thought was dead.  When he gets there, he is sereptitiously brought to a hidden office somewhere, drugged and then blackmailed.  It is only then, after all the hullaballoo, that he is told what the proceedure entails.  Not only this, but we are never given any real reason to believe that this is something that he would have wanted, let alone gone through with. 

Once Arthur becomes Tony (post death name), our main character becomes rightfully confused and upset by his circumstances, and begins to act out a bit.  He tries going back to see his former wife only to find that she’s moved on with her life after his death.  Understandably Tony is troubled by this, but for seemingly no reason at all he decides that the best course of action is to ask for another new life from the organization.  Now maybe it’s just my good old 2000’s common sense talking, but I wouldn’t assume you could just go demanding favors from a group of people that extort money from you by forcibly faking your death (complete with a real corpse mind you), and steering you into a new life where you are constantly monitored and confused.  I guess that’s just me.

One thing I can give this movie credit for, is the camera work.  The stark black and white photography combined with the claustrophobic positioning of the camera, provides for a very paranoid tone.  We the audience, are thrust into this situation the same way the main character is, and as a result we are very discombobulated, and off balance.  These feelings are intensified by the extreme wide angles that the film is shot in.   Close up’s of our actors faces become uncomfortable, distended, and distorted, it’s just too bad that the story doesn’t live up to the set up.

1. The schools are free here.  We don’t have to pay for them.  After school care is free too.  The schools are free and overcrowded with resources.  Teachers are not getting sacked due to budget cuts.  Teachers are not being sent on sick leave due to stress.  Classes are not overcrowded.  Pupils from ‘ethnic backgrounds other than Danish’ are not discriminated against.  Levels of literacy are high. Special needs children are integrated into the mainstream and not dosed up to the gills on highly toxic cocktails of medication and sent to huge cheap SUPA-THPETHAL-THKOOLS.  Everybody goes to university and becomes a professor.  Especially the muslims.
2. Children never get abused here. That is why we leave them unattended under coma inducing stacks of duvets in their prams to ‘get some air’ while we chug back on the coffee in the cafe.  Child pornography is never downloaded onto computers in Denmark and our children are safe being taken care of by anybody who cares to wander past.
3. Nobody is getting their houses repossessed.  In Denmark, if you don’t pay your mortgage,  a man from the government comes round and pays all your bills because this is Denmark, and everyone is cared for.  The homeless on the streets have not doubled in the last nine months.  Nobody is going hungry tonight, especially women who scrimp and save to buy their kids winter coats when they can’t get credit from the bank.
4. Women are free here.  They are free to do whatever they want.  They are not being forced to work or forced to stay home. They are free to do what they want, any old time.
5. Healthcare is second to none.  Denmark has the highest rate of survival.  If you have cancer in Denmark the Danish HealthCareSystem sends to the moon for special moon rocks that you put in your shoes and then you are cured, overnight, and go on to live till you are a hundred.  People are not dying here due to malpractice.  Student doctors are not practicing surgery on alcoholics and those without families because they don’t mean anything to anyone.  Doctors have the time to hear you out rather than misdiagnosing you.  If you need a vital operation here, you get it immediately, and you don’t have to travel abroad to get your teeth fixed,  because dentistry is free in Denmark, and noone pays for their life preserving prescriptions, because all medication is free.
6. Taxes are not high because wages have skyrocketed.  Wages are high and the taxes are low.  This is why Denmark is great.
7. Denmark welcomes strangers.  Denmark is a humanitarian country that offers aid and doesn’t send it’s bored soldiers out to play in Afghanistan for proper training they can’t get here.  Denmark is open to those who live in less fantastic countries,  Denmark wants to share.
8. The cars drive very carefully in Denmark.  People are not dying in huge numbers on the roads.
9. Danes drink moderately.  Denmark is not awash with alcohol.  Denmark is jolly and likes to shag it’s boss at the christmas party.
10. Denmark enjoys amicable divorces.  Divorce is not about screaming and shouting in Denmark.  It is about getting a book from the library called ‘Divorce isn’t the end of the world’ and reading it to your kids before getting together with whomever it was you’ve been shagging from the gym.
11. Denmark is healthy.  There are no kids smoking heroin when YOU think it’s just a hash joint!!!  There are no people hanging themselves or jumping in front of trains.  There are no teenage pregnancies or middle aged couples aborting babies who have downs syndrome because they want a perfect child to match their house.  There are no nazi nationalists describing anyone a shade darker than pallid as animals.  There are no small minds and everything is open, and when you turn the taps on, sweet cream of the angels comes out of one tap and sparkly stardust juice comes out of the other.  Fathers do not murder their daughters, and women don’t fall off the edge of the docks drunk.  It’s a happy happy land.

I’ve been inspired by how the media abused Oprah.  And refuse to see her as a feckless idiot.  She’s got an aim, and that is to feed and clothe and educate every last man, woman and child in her great country.  And the story about how Denmark ‘works’ is surely fuel for Obama’s healthcare jive. Fair play, they can use us, the myth of Denmarks function makes a good little story, like that one about the baby with the big fat head.  WOW! Anything is possible, even happiness and order, let’s go make a segment on it.