After witnessing Sheamus’s clean pin on Intercontinental Champion John Morisson at Survivor Series, I was sure that the push behind the Celtic Warrior had been thrown into high gear.  I didn’t realize just how high a gear, however, until last Monday’s RAW, where Sheamus won a “Breakthrough Battle Royal” to become the number one contender for John Cena’s WWE Championship.

The Breakthrough battle royal was the brain child of RAW’s guest GM Jesse Ventura.  It was great to see the Body turned Governor back on WWE TV, and creative made the right choice in giving him lots of mic time.  At the top of the show, Ventura confronted a disgruntled Randy Orton and told him that neither Orton nor any other former world champions (and perpetual main eventers) would be getting the next shot at Cena’s title.  He proclaimed that, instead, up and coming talent would face off against one another in qualification matches, and the winners would compete in a battle royal for a shot at the belt.

The qualification matches were predictable and rushed.  Some of them could have been good (Kofi Kingston V.S. Dolph Ziggler for instance), had they been given more time and the slightest build up.  In the end the battle royal’s participants were: Kingston, MVP, Mark Henry, R Truth, Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, Sheamus, and Randy Orton, who despite his status as former champion (and played-out Cena rival) so impressed Ventura with his tenacity and determination to be included in the BR, that the Governor granted his wish.

Sheamus came out victorious.  Ventura then climbed into the ring and oversaw an immediate contract signing between the big Irishman and John Cena, to make the title match official.  Cena performed well at the signing.  At first he sat smirking on his side of the table, projecting a nearly dismissive attitude toward the new number one contender, and in doing so, he certainly echoed the attitudes of many fans, who feel Sheamus’s skyrocketing to superstardom is way premature.  Eventually, though, Cena responded to Sheamus’s demands to be taken seriously, rising from his seat and displaying great intensity, as he laid out to the Irishman exactly how tough a fight he was in for.

From there the segment got sloppy… and a little confusing.  Ventura unexpectedly and not too convincingly began heeling on the champ.  He explained that, as a performer whose refusal to compromise and conform kept him from reaching the highest tier in WWE, he resented Cena, a man who got to the top by looking the part and doing what he was told.  It would have been a compelling angle, had the show given Ventura more than a few seconds to play it out. 

As Ventura’s dressing down of the champ continued, Cena gave his full attention to the Governor.  And Sheamus took the opportunity to nail Cena with a boot to the face.  A brief assault followed and culminated with the rookie putting the champion through a table (par for the course with contract signings).

So it looks like Sheamus is no longer “on his way” but has arrived.  Twenty-four hours after pinning cleanly the IC Champion, he won a battle royal full of more established stars, was named number one contender for WWE’s most hallowed prize, and wrapped up the day’s work by standing over the broken body of the company’s top face.  It was a big moment.  It should have been even bigger… but something was missing, not only from the story of Sheamus’s rise to prominence, but from the character of Sheamus itself.  I think I’ve pinpointed what that missing something is:  Confidence.  There should have been a sneer of sinister triumph occasioning the big man’s face.  Instead, however, his was a look of nervousness poorly veiled.  One did not need to be watching in High Definition to notice the rookie’s bewilderment at his own circumstances.  

He had every right to be both nervous and bewildered.  WWE brass put behind Sheamus the biggest push in recent memory.  At this point I’m honestly at a loss to recall another superstar who’s ever had as meteoric a rise.  Brock Lesner spent a few months feuding with the Hardys and Rob Van Dam, before getting his shot at the Rock’s world title.  Even the high-octane ascent of the Ultimate Warrior saw a face turn and two IC title reigns from the man, before he got his shot at the big belt.  (Granted both of those men won world championships on their inaugural tries, and that outcome is extremely unlikely in Sheamus’s case). Such a sudden and dramatic push is bound to raise questions… or at least one:  does he deserve it?  At this point, no.  He doesn’t.

Sheamus has a unique look and a considerable talent for the impactive style he practices in the ring.  Beyond those great qualities, however, what the powers that be at WWE see in the Celtic Warrior is not yet evident to most fans.  Sheamus could one day be as great as he’s being booked to appear, but he needs further development to get there.  He needs a meaningful feud with a solid performer, a well-paced angle to afford the rookie some sense of character and purpose.  At the very least he needs to prove that he can provoke an audience response without resorting to cheap heat (retiring a cruiser weight, blind-siding a fifty-something hall of famer, etc.).  In short Sheamus needs time.  He’s got much potential, but without time to cultivate it, that’s all it will ever be.

I know the age of managers in WWE is (lamentably) over, but a flamboyant, articulate heel manager would go a long way in making Sheamus more credible and more entertaining.  There was a time when the managerial guidance of old masters like Jimmy Hart, Jim Cornette, and the great Bobby Heenan was requisite to pushing a monster heel, especially when that heel was booked as an out-of-nowhere, sudden force to be reckoned with.  Sheamus hasn’t displayed abysmal mic skills, but his promos have been far from memorable.  Why not let a manager sell his story, while he sells his in-ring abilities?

Anyway, Sheamus V.S. Cena is at least something new.  And I think the consensus among fans is that it’s extremely preferable to another Cena/Orton program (of course, the champ defending against a returning Frenchy Martin would be preferable to another Cena/Orton program… actually I’d pay big money to see that…).  The rookie will obviously not win the championship, and he’ll definitely come out of the match at TLC with monstrous momentum.  Hopefully the company will have a solid, character-enhancing angle ready for him when he does.

(NOTE: Personally I foresaw Ted Dibiase winning the battle royal.  Creative could have built an interesting story line around Dibiase’s competing for the title that his mentor Orton still covets… tension mounting among Legacy’s ranks and all that.  They’ve been teasing at such an implosion for months, but apparently they’re in no hurry to perpetrate it.  Maybe that’s for the best. 

Kingston would have been a natural choice as well.  He’s certainly poised to start main eventing getting phenomenal fan support.  Moreover, Kingston’s athleticism would have lent itself well to the TLC format, which characterizes all the main event matches at the next pay-per-view.  Still, it was a good call not to set up Kingston V.S. Cena.  The former’s feud with Orton should be given full attention.  He’ll likely come out of that program ready for world title contendership, though.)

It is impossible to find a "clean" pic of a 69. So here's birthday dog instead.

Kevin and Dusty are so phunky phresh, they gon’ rock your face off with this excitement-packed edition of Stunt Granny audio. They only talk briefly about Survivor Series, since Jordan and Eric talked about it in depth, but they cover Raw like nobody’s business and you’re going to have to listen to find out what they say about it. Did they like Jesse Ventura’s hairdo? His jacket? Did they approve of his performance as guest GM? (More importantly, what the haliburton hell was up with that hairdo?!) They cover everything else Raw-related as well, before Kevin heads off to celebrate Thanksmas with his familia.

Stunt Granny Audio #69

La audiencia durante las dos horas normales de WWE RAW, del 23 de noviembre (Con Jesse Ventura), creció en un 4,9% en comparación con el show de la semana pasada en el MSG. El programa también aumentó en comparación con las tendencias recientes de audiencia, al parece los fans quedaron interesados  tras Survivor Series

En concreto, el estándar de dos horas de RAW, aumentó en un 8,3% en comparación con las cinco semanas anteriores, un 9,6 % y en comparación con las últimas diez semanas anteriores, y un 0,5 % con respecto al total de 2009.

• 23/11 Raw – 3.5 rating (3.2 w/primer hora extra ) y 5.30 millones de espectadores (4.95 millones w/primer hora extra)
• 23/11 – 5.30 millones de espectadores (4.95 w/primer hora) (Jesse Ventura, vs. Semana 11 NFL)

A continuación,  el desglose de rating de esta semana en comparación con las cinco  y diez semanas anteriores de TV.

ÚLTIMAS 5 SEMANAS DE RAW
16/11 – 5.05 millones de espectadores (Roddy Piper, MSG, vs. Semana 10 NFL)
9/11 – 4.25millones de espectadores (Ricky Hatton, vs. Semana 9 NFL)
2/11 – 5.00 millones de espectadores (Ozzy, vs. Week 8 NFL, Serie Mundial)
26/10 – 5.59 millones de espectadores (NASCAR anfitriones, vs. Semana 7 NFL)
19/10 – 4.64 millones de espectadores (Snoop Dogg, vs. Semana 6 NFL, MLB Playoffs)
PROMEDIO 5 SEMANAS: 4.89 millones de espectadores (23/11 Raw creció 8.3 %)

ÚLTIMAS 10 SEMANAS DE RAW
12/10 – 4.79 millones de espectadores (Nancy & Maria, vs. Semana 5 NFL, MLB Playoffs)
5/10 – 4.71 millones de espectadores (Big Ben, vs. Semana 4 NFL juego de mayor audiencia de todos los tiempos)
28/9 – 4.49 millones de espectadores (Rev. Sharpton, vs. Semana 3 NFL Dallas Cowboys)
21/9 – 5.01 millones de espectadores (Cedric, vs. Semana 2 NFL)
14/9 – 4.90 millones de espectadores (Trish Stratus, vs. Semana1 NFL)

COMBINADO PROMEDIO 10 SEMANAS: 4.83 millones de espectadores (23/11 Raw creció 9.6%)

So I’m about a third of the way through watching RAW last night when it hits me that I’m actually ENJOYING at and looking forward to the rest of the show!  So far we had Jesse Ventura come out as the night’s Host.  He was doing a fine job and told us that we’ve been seeing too many of the same faces in the Championship scene.  He set up a battle royal filled with wrestlers that have never had a title shot.  The winner of the battle royal will receive a shot at his brand’s championship at the next Pay Per View, “TLC” (Tables, Ladders and Chairs).

SWEET!  Somebody gets a chance to break through to the top of the scene!  As much as I love Shawn Michaels and Triple H, there’s only so many times I can get excited about seeing one of them fight in the main event, and goodness knows the world doesn’t need another Cena/Orton match.

Side note about Orton:  I’m really liking him!  I disliked him personally for a few years because he’s been pretty immature behind the scenes, but getting married and having a kid has done him good.  I can feel good about liking him again.

We got a pretty good Cena / CM Punk match.  My favorite part was before the match when Punk told Cena, “Through these sober eyes, I can see you.”  I’ve mentioned before how awesome I think Punk is, but I don’t think I’ve brought up how bored I am of Cena.  BORED.  Turn him bad and I’ll like him again, but I was pissed off when he pinned Punk.

CM Punk is Straight Edge. That means he's better than you.

I think the thing I was most excited about was the DX vs. Hart Dynasty match.  Here we have TJ Wilson and David Hart Smith (the son of the legendary British Bulldog, Davey Boy Smith).  The Hart Foundation in the past had huge issues with DX (Shawn Michaels and Triple H) and this would be the first time in over TEN YEARS that DX would face members of the Hart Family.  There was so much history between the two factions and I couldn’t wait to see this explored!  You’ve got the legitimate screwing over of Bret Hart for the WWE title at the Survivor Series in 1997, you’ve got Shawn beating the British Bulldog for the European title in the UK after Bulldog dedicated the match to his dying sister, and so much more!

The Hart Foundation... coolest group ever (provided you disregard Davy Boy's fanny pack)

We get to the match.  NOT ONE WORD of the history between the two groups is mentioned.  You could have had TJ and Smith do an interview before the match and really tear into DX vowing revenge for all sorts of deeds.  Nothing.  DX wins a five minute match after a superkick from Shawn and a pedigree from Trips.

Fuck you guys.  Seriously.  Fuck you guys.

Then Chris Jericho came out and talked smack to DX.  Jericho is exactly what he says he is: the best in the world at what he does.

Jericho!

It’s the week of Thanksgiving, and thankfully we all got to relive the Survivor Series moment from 1990 when the Gobblygooker was unleashed!  Back in ‘90 they had a big egg that Mean Gene promised us would hatch at the pay per view and every week speculated as to what could be in it.  I speculated as well!  I was sure that Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake was ready to return and would POUNCE out of that egg ready for action!  Some people thought that Ric Flair was coming in.  Instead we got this:

Yup.  This friggin’ turkey-or-what-have-you popped out of the egg, danced around the ring, did some gymnastics, then clucked off, not to be seen or heard from for many years until the fine folks at WWE realized it could be brought out as a joke to remind us of how goofy things were at one point.

SPEAKING OF GOOFY: there was a six woman tag match featuring the Pilgrims (the bad team) vs. the Indians (the good team).  Normally I fast forward through woman wrestling matches because it’s pretty much tna but I was watching the show live and didn’t have the option.  And it’s a good thing, because the entrance music used for the Indians was TATANKA’s old entrance music!!:

Oh, the hilarity!

So speaking of hilarity and golden moments from the past, it was decided that Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon would do commentary on the main event – just like they did in the ’80s!  Vince even put on his tuxedo with the red tie!  It was amazing and … well, just all sorts of amazing!

Now the main event itself?  The next challenger to John Cena’s championship is this guy:

If he wins the title at the ppv I’ll eat my hat.

I’ll purchase a hat, then eat it.  But best of luck to you, Sheamus.  Hopefully this gives you some credibility and is a jump start to a big career.  You’ve been handed the ball – how far can you run with it?  Personally I’m skeptical but keeping an open mind.

I had texted my friend Ray who was still at work and told him, “best RAW in years”.  I was clearly wrong, but was going off the potential of the night.  A fresh contender for the title?  A DX/Hart match?  Jesse and Vince on commentary (granted, that did pay off). 

This night should have ruled.  When the part of the night that got me most excited was a tie hearing Tatanka’s old music and seeing the Gobbledygooker… there’s trouble a’brewin’.

Well Enough is Enough, and it’s Time for a Change!

Kev

Live from Hershey, PA here’s the Raw Deal…

This week’s guest host…Jesse Ventura
Wait, it’s not Jesse. We get Randy Orton to start the show off. He’s out there bitching about how he wants another title shot even though he signed a contract preventing him from getting another shot at Cena. He doesn’t care, he wants another match. I don’t want to see that. Out comes Jesse Ventura. I like Jesse. He was a classic old school wrestling heel that’s an above average talker obviously. Every time I see him he looks different too. Jesse came out to say we’re tired of the same people getting title matches, so tonight he signed a series of matches involving people who haven’t had a World Title shot with the winners competing in the main event Breakthrough Battle Royal (I’ll call it BBR for short). I like it. We found out that if a SD guy won he’d get a shot at Undertaker while if a Raw guy won he’d get a shot at Cena. We would also get DX vs. Hart Dynasty and Cena vs. Punk, which are both fine with me. Good opening to the show that probably helped keep viewers tuned in to see who would win the battle royal. Jesse handled himself well even though he needed cue cards because he probably didn’t know the names of people. By the way, as soon as I heard this match was happening I called the Sheamus win. The commentfesters can attest to it since I posted the comment at 8:11pm. I am officially on fire with my predictions of late.

Kofi Kingston d. Dolph Ziggler (*3/4)
I don’t know who Dolph pissed off to become a jobber now, but that’s what he is. I’m not going to complain about Kofi going over him in about three minutes, though. I just wish they’d use Dolph better on Smackdown. Kingston advances to the BBR.

Miz cut a promo at a table full of Thanksgiving goodies talking about how we should be thankful that we get to watch him. He was not in one of the matches to get into the BBR. I’m not sure why. I wondered the same about Morrison, McIntyre and Christian among others.

Sheamus d. Finlay (*)
The match was physical. It went about two minutes with Sheamus scoring the win with his Razor’s Edge like finisher that needs a name. Post match, Sheamus beat Finlay up on the floor. You don’t see that happening to Finlay very often. Good way to put over Sheamus’ toughness. Sheamus advances to the BBR.

Teddy Long was doing his promo when Vickie Guerrero and Eric Escobar interrupted. They teased Teddy tossing a tray of mash potatoes in Vickie’s face, but Eric intercepted in a funny. Oh the comedy.

They plugged Jesse’s show about conspiracy theories. I’ve never even heard of the network it’s on. Good luck with that, Jesse.

Backstage, Orton bitched to Ventura about wanting to be in the BBR. Jesse said he likes the way Randy goes about his business (supporting him as a heel, basically), but he wasn’t going to change the rules for Randy. Then he took a shot at Hogan and Flair noting he never unretired liked “these other guys.” He didn’t say their name, but you know he was talking about them.

John Cena d. CM Punk (***1/4)
Before the match, Punk did his usual promo ripping us for our love of alcohol, drugs and even somehow throwing in eating a lot of food for Thanksgiving as a bad thing. He then said, “John Cena, I can see you.” He sure showed him. This was the best match on the show despite Cena’s new merchandise. I really hate the term “Cenation” by the way. It got about 12 minutes including the mandatory “guy out on the floor so let’s go to commercial” spot. They billed it as a first ever meeting although apparently it wasn’t. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess. I liked the spot where they countered eachother’s finishers, then Cena put the STF on and Punk surprisingly got ropes. Cena finished him off soon after with an AA off the middle rope, which does look impressive.

Backstage, Vinny Mac met with Jesse. Apparently the whole “look to the future” thing also means it’s a throwback night according to Jesse (huh?), which meant that Jesse & Vince would call a match together. And to top it off, Vince would be in a bowtie. I always liked Jesse & Vince, but they weren’t as good as Heenan & Monsoon.

MVP, Mark Henry & R-Truth d. Chavo Guerrero, Chris Masters & Jack Swagger (3/4*)
You’d think a six man tag match on a three hour show would get some time? No. Three minutes. The three babyface black dudes won. What was the point of Swagger’s promo a couple weeks back when he said he’d go undefeated to end the year when all he seems to do is lose? And furthermore, why is Swagger on the team with the Raw jobbers? It’s disappointing to see Swagger misused like this. MVP, Henry & Truth advance to the BBR.

It was DX time backstage as Hunter asked Shawn why he superkicked him at Survivor Series. Shawn stumbled for a second, then said because Hunter was going to Pedigree him. He basically admitted it. Then a midget came in and served them papers for court next week for beating up Hornswoggle. A midget court segment coming next week with guest host Verne Troyer. That’s sophisticated. Maybe Shawn should go back to being a chef that superkicks mouthy little girls?

Randy Orton d. Evan Bourne (*)
Primo Horowitz was supposed to come out to lose to Bourne, but out came Orton. He threw him off the stage, then beat on him and wanted the match. Ventura said persistency pays off. If he wins, he’s in the battle royal. A minute and a half later he won with a RKO “out of nowhere” according to Michael Cole even though he was standing in front of the guy. I hate the “out of nowhere” phrase being used in the wrong context because when it actually is out of nowhere nobody will give a shit due to all the misuse. Orton advances to the BBR.

They aired a video showing Vince and Jesse’s history announcing together. Jesse wore a lot of outfits and holy shit did Vince wear a lot of bad suits.

My girl Mickie James-Canton, Kelly x2 and Melina were shown walking backstage smiling in Native American (I’m politically correct) outfits.

Before that match, though, here’s a trailer for The Marine 2 with Ted Dibiase starring. I thought he’d be a babyface by now. Maybe they realize the straight to DVD movie isn’t going to sell much anyway, so they killed that plan because everybody knew it was coming.

Melina, Mickie James & Kelly Kelly d. Michelle McCool, Layla & Jillian (-*)
I love the girls as much as anybody, but this really bad. The Gobbledy Gooker came out as guest timekeeper. Michael Cole sold Gooker like it was the funniest thing ever. Can Sheamus come kick Cole in the head for me? The heels were dressed like pilgrims while the faces were dressed like Indians (WWE isn’t politically correct) that came out to Tatanka’s music. Thank God, I thought they re-hired Tatanka again. Remember those video packages? Awful. The heels left Jillian alone, so Melina pinned her in about a minute. They screwed up about every spot. It was bad. Mickie and Kelly, neither of whom actually competed in the match, then left (why waste Mickie James-Canton potentially wrestling pantsless like that?) while Lawler interviewed Melina when she was attacked by Gooker. It was Maryse. Good to have her back, but it wasn’t well done. Took her a while to get out of the costume to reveal a tight dress. The crowd was pretty dead for this. Can’t blame them. It was not a good segment.

DX d. Hart Dynasty (*1/2)
On paper it was a nice match, but in reality they barely got five minutes. The heels worked over Michaels, HHH got the hot tag and that was it. I hope HBK is still wrestling when Kidd gets his singles push because I think they would have great chemistry.

Post match, Jericho came out bitching about DX. He said at TLC they’d have a match for the titles. Michaels called them the united titles rather than the unified titles. It’s okay. It’s HBK, he can fuck up all he wants. He’s earned it. Michaels then said it would be a TLC match at the PPV. Odds of HHH tearing a quad by climbing up a ladder? I’d say 40% at least. I would put Batista’s odds at about 80% for the record. I think it’s wise to do Jerishow vs. DX at a PPV where somebody new will be challenging Cena. I hope Jerishow retains because Jericho needs to be on both shows. I don’t need to see Hunter on SD again and I doubt HBK would go there much.

Batista came out in a leather jacket. He actually looks normal when he’s clothed. He talked about beating Rey. He said now that Rey was out he wanted to get back his title from Undertaker. That brought out Kane. He challenged him right there. Batista just left. We later found they have a match on Friday. I guess Kane is in the Matt Hardy role of losing to the heel before he gets to be in the main event. Keep the match short, please.

Legacy d. Cryme Tyme (*1/2)
Remember when this was a feud? Remember when Legacy looked like they were on the receiving end of a push? Those were the days. Legacy won of course because Cryme Tyme almost never wins. The crowd was pretty dead for this one too. Dibiase & Rhodes advance to the BBR.

Jeff Hardy DVD coming out soon. That’s nice. Get him back in the ring, please. Smackdown needs babyfaces.

They did a backstage segment with Santino having pies thrown in his face by Gail, Alicia, Eve and the Bellas after some sexist comments. Oh those divas are so smart, sexy and powerful that they can tell these things. Don’t mess with them. Then Vickie took a pie in the face just for comedy sake. It was probably funny on paper, but it wasn’t great.

Sheamus won the Breakthrough Battle Royal (*1/4)
Vince and Jesse were at ringside here announcing. It was okay. They did their vintage (yeah I said it) jawing back and forth with Jesse being a bit like a heel. It made me realize how much Michael Cole sucks. They had Sheamus work slow at the start, then he came on strong and got the big elimination by sending Kool-Aid man Mark Henry out by himself. The final three were Kingston, Orton and Sheamus. They had Kingston eliminate Orton using his feet in an athletic manner, but then Sheamus eliminated Kingston in a quick manner.

After the match, Jesse was in the ring (with Cole back on commentary) with Sheamus waiting for Cena. They were there to sign contracts. Sheamus was all cocky. Cena was laid back. Then he did his patented “time to get serious promo” with all the yelling. This was the opposite of his lame comedy bits with DX that did a terrible job of making anybody care about that match. They both signed the contract. Jesse went heel on Cena by basically saying he was tired of him and wanted somebody new. That led to Sheamus kicking Cena in the head. He then put him through the table (of course) with a powerslam. We then found out from Jesse that the match at the TLC PPV would be a Tables Match. I don’t like Tables matches as much as I like TLC or Ladder matches, but I guess they can’t do too many of the same thing on one show.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Jesse Ventura – He was tremendous. One of my three favorite guest hosts to date along with Shaquille O’Neal and Bob F’N Barker.
2. Randy Orton – He was very good all night playing the desperate heel and he put Kingston over again. I like that.
3. John Cena – Had a good match with Punk, and then sold a beating well for a change.

Rating: 7.5 (out of 10)
Last week: 7

I give the show a slightly higher rating than last week because I liked the continued rise of Kingston as well as the idea behind the BBR. It worked. The Cena/Punk match was the best match on the show. I got a kick out of the Ventura/McMahon announcing team too. It was fun. Really, the best thing about the show was the energy you got from watching. It really didn’t feel like the same old shit, which is refreshing to me as a viewer.

This was the second good Raw in a row coming off a strong PPV. Maybe WWE is headed in the right direction? I hope.

By the way, after word got out that Sheamus is one of HHH’s boys and workout partners (Hunter said that himself in an interview) look how quickly he got in a main event. He just left ECW because he didn’t want to be there (a lame way to move somebody), then he beat the shit out of people for a couple of weeks, then he lasted until the end in a SS match and now he’s getting a title match. A couple of months ago he lost to Goldust of all people. It took what, four weeks? I wonder where those “HHH doesn’t have power, he’s just another wrestler” people are? You want a push? Be nice to Hunter. I’m not bitching about it. I like seeing a new person in the title scene. I’m just saying it can happen fast.

————

Thoughts from the Facebook friends aka CommentFest
Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com/thejohnreport) after I asked for some comments about the show. The comments in green are from the CommentFest while my comments, which will usually be sarcastic, will follow in the brackets when necessary.

Oh good. Cena can show Punk how to dress like a champion tonight.

???????? Why is it that he walks faster with out the title? (Because the belt weighs 700 pounds.)

I guess CM Punk vs. John Cena is punishment for that remark a couple months ago. It wasn’t bad enough to get squashed in the opening match of Hell in a Cell and lose the World title but John Cena too…..Poor Punk.

I like how “hip” Ventura is, what with the flashy jacket.

Do you want to know what Hulk Holgan and Nicolas Cage’s kid would look like? Look at Jesse. (To quote Ron Simmons: “Damn!”)

Governer… awesome…. just awesome. (WWE loves to mispell words. They are cool like that. Just ask Vance McMahon.)

Jesse Ventura reads the Raw Deal. (Thanks Jesse. I won’t be watching your show, though. It looks like shit. Hey, I’m honest!)

Well yea…pleather gator jacket…work out stretch pants…pony tails, and old and ridiculous sunglasses…that says wrestling to me.

Something new? Excellent!

So somebody else is going to job to Cena. I think it’ll be Sheamus, for the record. (This was my post at 8:11pm before I signed off for the night. I’m officially on fire with my predictons of late. I will now give myself a Barry Horowitz pat on the back.)

This is me marking out for Hart Dynasty on Raw.

WOAH, someone new getting a shot at the strap. That is quite radical.

Way to ignore the missed cue for Kofi’s music in that video package. Well done WWE. (Vince never saw the missed cue. He was napping. Old guys like to nap.)

So, my money for the number 1 contender is Hornswoggle, he’ll return with a new serious gimmick and all…you’ll see, you will all see! muhahahahahahahha (Thanks for posting Verne Troyer, next week’s host of Raw.)

I’m just going to assume that Dolph Ziggler must have pissed of someone backstage. He just cannot win. (He must have sneezed when he was shining Undertaker’s boots. Poor guy.)

If Mark Henry wins his match – will we get the vintage big guy comment “He has to be a favorite to win the Rumbl” and “the guys are going to have to work together to get him over the top rope.” (Yep. And we got it.)

Oh, i’m thankful for the Miz…can bet on that, and i speak for most of us here in commonfest (more thankful that he didnt say “really?!” but hey..) (I could have edited commonfest to commentfest, but I chose not to. I’m tough like that. People need to train to get better at commentfesting.)

We are thankful for you, Miz… at least we have one heel singles champion in the company… and thanks for being one of the most improved wrestlers in the company for the past year… you are awesome!

Hopefully Sheamus takes out COLE this week instead of King. (If a wrestler physically assaults Cole in a good way – not a Heidenreich raping kind of way – then that person gets the star of the night even if I hate that person.)

BTW… the music hit, I thought we were getting Hornswoggle the unstoppable midget vs Sheamus the unstoppable giant. (Giving away a WrestleMania match like that would just be stupid.)

Last week I compared Sheamus to my white socks. I apologize for that. He’s as white as Finlay’s knee pads.

Sheamus and Edward Cullen making pale people popular one fan at a time. (Thanks Casper.)

I wonder if you have to wear sunglasses if you look directly at Sheamus.

Man, am I the only who feels that The Hart Dynasty should spend the next couple of months being built as a strong tag team to face DX in a big match at ‘Mania (I guess to get some revenge on DX on a big stage) instead of having The Hart Dynasty face DX tonight with no build?…..Oh wait, there’s that crazy ol’ common sense talking again! (You must be drunk. Building up actual tag teams? That’s crazy talk.)

Vickie in HD makes me regret having a HD TV.

Punk and Cena faced each other on ECW the night after the Benoit tragedy.

I need to book Punk for this year’s Thanksgiving gathering, he could give the family a great sermon. (Thanks for posting, Linda McMahon. Stephanie is getting heavy, isn’t she?)

You know what fixes obesity? Cocaine…. oh… wait…

Promising first hour so far… [bites nails nervously]… still afraid someone is going to wake Vince and put an end to our fun.

Well…summer must officially be over – John Cena is no longer sponsoing John Deere.

So now Cena is a Broncos fan? Im sorry for the Broncos. (I have loved betting against them lately, for the record.)

I see CM Punk has grown out his facial and chest hair to go along with his heel character. If body hair makes you a bad guy, then Hitler aint got nothin on me. (Thanks for posting uh…Kimbo Slice. Nah can’t be him. I doubt he can type.)

If punk hits the go to sleep, cena will sell it with a yawn!

Cole: “Punk spent a good portion of his career on Raw.” I guess 10 months qualifies as a “good portion” nowadays…

STFU for a submission? Just pull Punk’s chest hair, Cena. That’ll work.

Nice counter by Cena. Did I just give Cena props for a counter? Help me sweet baby Jesus.

Hey, can anyone tell me if Cena and Punk have ever fought before? The announcers are strangely not telling us. . . (My sarcasm detection reading is off the charts.)

If Cole had been announcing during King Of The Ring 1998, he would have reminded us in the middle of Mick’s fall from the Cell that they were live in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Actually they really only do it at the top of each hour because they assumed some people were tuning it at 9pm, but I still found this funny. You’re in.)

As much as I don’t love Cena…it took a top rope FU to beat Punk. I’m ok with that.

Wait…it’s a throwback show? I thought it was revolutionary. I’m confused…

I hope he makes him wear the bow tie…YES!!!

Vintage bow tie!!!!

Having those two on his team can’t be a good sign for Swagger’s future…. (He should learn how to jiggle his boobs.)

Wow, Cole made an actual joke? “One of us went on to not become the Mayor of Memphis and one of us is still sitting here.” I actually laughed at that one. Who are you and what did you do with Michael Dull?

Little People’s Court. Monday night. Oh god no.

Hey Masters- shake your titties or GTFO!

Hey, it’s Primo…Look, there goes Primo. See ya in three months!

oh evan bourne is coming out for a battle royale qualifier… whoever comes out to face him is the one winning…. come on goldust ‘crosses fingers’

Primo is the ultimate jobber, he can’t even make it to the ring. I’ve seen chewed gum get more respect.

Evan Braun is getting more chances than Batista in the divas locker room.

Well Jesse was a politicians so he is prone to flip flopping.

Mickie Jame-Canton sighting!!! (First person gets in.

MJ CANTON SIGHTING 9:32! (The guy that puts the time in gets in here too. I like that.)

Mickie James Canton SIghting..I think I am pitching a Tee-Pee right now!! (Thanks for posting, John Canton. Wait, that wasn’t me.)

Mickie Pocahontas James Canton = Ratings. (Tits true. Tits damn true.)

Melina makes me wanna pitch a teepee and lay the smack down on myself.

Hey, where’s the Kelly Kelly guy? (Wait for it…)

Kelly Kelly!!!! (There he is, Crazy Crazy!)

The Marine 2 looks “Priceless”…. (thank you for posting Virgil) (Usually I don’t like people stealing my material, but in this case it’s fine.)

Man, I want to sail a mayflower into Layla, if you know what I mean.

OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!! ITS TA-TA TIME!!! (Calling women’s breasts “ta-ta’s” is really offensive. Say something classier like funbags. Kids today, huh? They’ll never learn.)

And now our Pilgrims vs. Indians divas match with your special guest referee Tatanka!!!!

Michelle McTaker is thinking Taker should Tombstone Ventura.

VINTAGE MARK OUT FOR THE GOBBELDY GOOKER!!!!!!!

Speaking of stupid things Michelle….How about that Piggie James segement last Friday…..that was really stupid.

The legs give it away…. Gobbledy Gooker is Maryse! (Ding ding ding, we have a winner.)

GOBBEDLY GOOKER- the BIGGEST BREAKTHROUGH STAR to come out of Survivor Series 1990…I can’t think of anyone else….NO ONE…

TATANKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TATANKA’S MUSIC = MARK THE FUCK OUT!…Okay not really

mickie james-canton mmm… i’d poke her hontas.

Kelly Kelly is soo fine…but I think she’s been Batista’d. (Everyone has except Mickie. I hope.)

LOL Sign of the Night: Beth Phoenix is my dad! (Happy birthday to Beth today actually!)

Was Maryse just giving Melina some head?

WOW. MARYSE. Holy sweet Jesus was that hot!

I WOULD DEFINITELY STICK MY MEAT THERMOMETER IN THAT TURKEY. (With all caps no less.)

Michael Cole should be The Black and Decker super tool.

GLOW STICK HERE GET YOUR GLOW STICKS…THEY ARE READY…THEY ARE READY TO HELP YOU WALK THROUGH DARK HALLWAYS…

When will Jericho and Santino do their guest host respective rants? I am getting worried.

Why is it that dx getting sued by a talentless lil guy gets more attention than any match or wwe title storyline? Ugh. (It’s like Hunter is married to the boss’ daughter or something.)

LMAO @ the “I bet Cole says Vintage” sign in the backround!~ (Yes that was fantastic. That person rules.)

Wouldn’t be a Raw for the great Jericho!!! – Go back to Toronto…. I’m from Winnipeg you idiot!!! Best man on the mic EVER! (I’d say Rock and Flair are, but Chris is close.)

Trips needs to rip his quad again so hbk can get that last run at the title he soooooo deserves. (Hunter has such loyal fans.)

Way to make new stars…hell yea Jericho.

Slap the lawsuit on them for copyright infringment!!! Jerishow is yours John!!! 2 lawsuits in one week! (They spelled it as Jeri-Show last week on SD. That’s wrong. Bastards.)

That’s right Jericho. Screw catch phrases. You’d NEVER..EEEeeeEEEEeeeever use one…again. Because you are the best in the world at what you do. (Hey, don’t get after Jericho for being a hypocrite! He can do what he wants!)

United Shawn? Don’t you mean unified? (If HBK fucked up every promo every single week for the next year I still can’t make fun of the guy for the work he has done in the ring. Triple H on the other hand…)

So what we need need to have happen is Hunter goes for a spinebuster and his knee cap explodes again. Big Show breaks his leg because the walkway collapses on the way to the ring and HBK vs Y2J TLC commences. Here’s hoping. (WWE: Where hoping where injuries happen. Yeah, I stole the NBA’s slogan. Suck it.)

DX that’s how you cut a promo! No little people, hocking merchandise, or fart jokes required. DX = Owned by Y2J Mother F’er!

The back of batista’s head looks like a package of hot dogs.

The Undertaker is Mine… the WWE title is Mine! This stupid diamond nose ring in my 40 year old nose is MINE!!!!

Be careful Kane – Batista has been in staring contests with Orton – he can go all night. (This would be the perfect time to use “that’s what she said” although in Batista’s case I just won’t do it.)

Again, for the record, Not ALL black people have braids! (Thanks for posting Kid from Kid N Play.)

If JTG stands for “Just Too Good” as I’ve heard… how come they always lose?

I hope this Jeff Hardy DVD comes with a free bottle of assorted drugs. (It does. In an unmarked box.)

HA! Jeff Hardy. My Life. My Rules. My Coke. My Bad.

Alicia Fox-Mutombo sighting!

I am Santino Marella, and I crave breasts.

I would love to get hit in the face by the Bellas’ pies.

So the moral of this story is that someone who hasn’t commented in almost 20 years would be better at it than Cole. (Yep. That’s it in a nutshell.)

Will Vince scream in his own ears if he botches a call???

(In reaction to Vince’s tie) Oh. God. He looks like pee-wee mcherman.

I wish it was a pinfall match so we could get one of Vince’s classic “1 2 and 3 noooo, so close”…or his “DID YOU SEE THAT, UNBELIEVABLE” (Yeah, I miss vintage Vince.)

It’s the blacks vs. whites….Martin Luther King is rolling in his grave right now.

Tonight’s battle royal consist of the Koolaid Koalition, Kofi Kingston-Johnson, Nestle Kwik, a Viper, Richie Rich, a generic create-a-wrestler figure from WWE Smackdown vs. RAw 2010, and a piece of chalk… sounds like Thanksgiving leftovers…

YES!!! Jesse even said Sheamus needs a suntan!

Wow Shaemus + R-Truth = Polar opposites.

SHEAMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God… this actually makes me miss Vince McMahon as an announcer.

Soooo… sheamus goes from being on ecw a couple weeks ago to wwe #1 contender???? wtf?… shawn and hunter must really REALLY like him. (They are jealous of his tan.)

WTF!!! He’s been on TV for three weeks and he gets a title shot? I need a drink…

Wooo, come on sheamus, a great day to be irish!!!!! (Thierry Henry would like to shake your hand with his left hand to congratulate you. You know, like he used his left hand to beat you last week.)

Cena even wants Sheamus to beat up Michael Cole! For once I like Cena….. wait for it….. ok, moment passed. Hate him again.

Vintage Cena over-dramatic promo 11:02pm EST.

How come we never see signings for IC matches, or Diva’s matches… or even regular matches? (Like Primo vs. Bourne? I feel robbed.)

Classic Ventura heel up…gotta love it.

IM MARKING OUT! JESSE VENTURA IS ONE OF US! (ALL HAIL THE BODY!)

I wonder wat the % of pepole going throught the table during the contract signing is. (What’s funny is by posting this I’ll probably get an email from somebody detailing all the times it has happened.)

IMO, this was the best RAW in a long, long time…. (Or since last week.)

The TLC Theme PPV Should be called “How Can We Have a PPV Where Cena Can Keep The Title Without Pinning Shaemus In Your House” (Catchy.)

Jesse Ventura was superb. #1 star of the night by a distance.

I remember a short while ago when the Great White Hype was losing to a schizo, gold colored fella on ECW.

My GF got super pissed off and legit clawed me in the face bc of a comment I made about the Bellas and Maryse. Said comment was deleted but I stayed on and finished commentfest after all was said and done. Now that’s dedication!!! (Actually it’s disgusting. You chose respecting your girlfriend instead of putting a derogatory comment in the FUCKING FESTIVAL OF COMMENTS? I thought I knew you. You’re dead to me now.)

Vince McMahon in a red bowtie coming out to Animotion’s “Obsession” made my night. (Thanks for posting, Linda McMahon. Have fun blowing money on your campaign that you aren’t going to win.)

Thanks for the participation as always.

——

Remember to check out the blog located at johnreport.wordpress.com for updated daily content. I will probably write something up tonight or tomorrow discussing some recent newsbits that have caught my eye of late.

I’ll see you again on the weekend for Talking Smack. To my American readers out there, I hope you have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. I’m jealous because here in Canada we have Thanksgiving on a Monday in October, so we only get one day off. In America, a lot of people get the Friday off too. That’s smart.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Check out the blog at: johnreport.wordpress.com
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

Source: eWrestlingNews.com
From comedians to politicians to musical performers to professional athletes, Monday Night Raw’s weekly guest hosts are some of past and present’s finest entertainers. The WWE Universe, therefore, can expect this trend to continue as more and more of the most popular celebrities are hopping aboard to serve as Raw special host.

Nov. 23, 2009: Jesse Ventura
This week, WWE Hall of Famer Jesse Ventura will take the reins from Hershey, Pa., on a special Thanksgiving three-hour presentation of Raw. The illustrious Superstar’s role comes just more than one week before the debut of Ventura’s new truTV series, Conspiracy Theory, which airs on Dec. 2 at 10 p.m. ET.

Nov. 30, 2009: Verne Troyer
Best known for playing Mini-Me in the Austin Powers comedy series, Verne Troyer will serve as guest host on Nov. 30 from Baltimore. One of the shortest yet largely recognizable men in the world, the actor has more than 15 years of television experience.

Dec. 7, 2009: Mark Cuban
Instead of humoring the NBA Universe with his infinite antics and making authoritative basketball decisions for one night, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will spend time delegating responsibility to WWE Superstars when he hosts Raw on Dec. 7 from Dallas.

Dec. 14, 2009: Dennis Miller
Comedian and radio talk show host Dennis Miller, meanwhile, will serve as the host of the 2009 Slammy Awards during a special three-hour presentation of Raw on Dec. 14 from Corpus Christi, Texas. The five-time Emmy award-winning comic is renowned for his improvisations and acerbic humor about pop culture and politics.

Be sure to tune in every Monday night when the biggest stars from all over the world take over as Raw’s special guest host.

La unida móbil donde se produce ROH por HDNET (10 septiembre 2009) / twitter.com/ROHonHDNet

WWE.com, publicó un nuevo artículo contrario a lo acostumbrado, pues en lugar de guardar el anuncio para crear expectativa, ahora detalla quienes serán los próximos anfitriones de los shows Monday Night RAW. A continuación están los nombres confirmados, donde destaca el nombre de Mark Cuban, por la razón mencionada

• Nov. 23, 2009: Jesse Ventura (Ex-Luchador miembro del Salón de la Fama)
• Nov. 30, 2009: Verne Troyer (Mini Me)
• Dec. 7, 2009: Mark Cuban (Uno de los dueños de HDNet, la cadena que transmite ROH)
• Dec. 14, 2009: Dennis Miller (Comediante)

Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura on truTV – Season Premiers December 2nd

More Info Here

While promoting his new show about conspiricies on the Alex Jones radio show, Jesse Ventura, former governor of Minnesota, described patriotism thusly:
“Dissension is the greatest form of patriotism”
Wow! this is so true. When we think of Dr. Martin Luther King, I don’t think that the word patriot comes to mind right away, but it should! We all need to become patriots with the political and economic situation in this country today. Thank you for your attention.

The Running Man is a 1987 film adaptation loosely based on the Stephen King novel The Running Man. Directed by Paul Michael Glaser, the film stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, María Conchita Alonso, Jesse Ventura, Jim Brown, and Richard Dawson.

The film, set in a dystopic year 2019, is about a television show called Running Man, where convicted criminal “runners” must escape death at the hands of professional killers. The film differed significantly from the novel; it recalls some scenes from a French film with a similar theme, called Le Prix du Danger, about a television show where participants must escape killers live on television.

Trivia:

• Game show host Damon Killian is played by Richard Dawson, long-time host of the American game show
  

  María Conchita Alonso

  “Family Feud” (1976).

• Actor Trademark: [Arnold Schwarzenegger] “I’ll be back!”
• Prior to Paul Michael Glaser being hired as director, executive producer Rob Cohen had hired four other directors in his attempts to make the movie. The first was George P. Cosmatos, who had impressed Cohen with his work on Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985). However, when Cosmatos announced that he wanted to relocate the entire film to a shopping mall, Cohen let him go, feeling that Cosmatos was taking the script in an unacceptable direction. Cohen next offered the project to German director Carl Schenkel, having been impressed with Abwärts (1984), but Schenkel turned him down as he didn’t feel comfortable taking on such a large project. Next, Cohen hired Ferdinand Fairfax, based upon his work on Nate and Hayes (1983). Like Cosmatos however, Fairfax began to take the screenplay in a direction which Cohen disliked, so once again, he let him go. Cohen then turned to Andrew Davis, having enjoyed Davis’ movie Code of Silence (1985). Davis actually got the project off the ground and into production, but only eight days into the shoot, he was already $8 million over budget and four days behind schedule. As such Cohen let Davis go, and ultimately hired Glaser, whom he had worked with on the first season of “Miami Vice” (1984).
• This film is loosely based on a novel written by Stephen King that he penned under the pseudonym of Richard Bachman. He wrote the story in 72 hours.
• Features two actors who went on to be US State Governors. In November 1998, Jesse Ventura was elected Governor of Minnesota; in October 2003, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected Governor of California.
• The film was initially to star either Dolph Lundgren or Christopher Reeve, but it never got started. Patrick Swayze had also been considered.
• The code to deactivate the Sonic Deadline (the explosive neck collars) is “653-9X”.
• When Killian is sending Fireball into the game, he says, “There he goes, the leading rusher.” Fireball was played by Jim Brown, the NFL’s all-time leader in rushing yards until the mid-’80s.
• The headquarters of the ICS television network is actually the Filmland Corporate Center, which was the home of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer at the time of the film’s making, 1987. A matte painting was used to represent the tower. Sony purchased MGM’s old studio lot in 1992 and moved into the Filmand Building that same year. Ironically, they also purchased Tri-Star Pictures as well – the distributor of The Running Man (1987) in 1987. The building was renamed Sony Pictures Plaza.
• In Killian’s office there is a poster for a fake TV show called “Hate Boat.” In real life, Richard Dawson had a role in the TV series _ “Love Boat, The” (1977)(TV series)_.
• The ICS armed security guards all wear baseball batting helmets.
• The satellite up-link code is 18-24-61-B 17-17-4.
• The big dance number at the start of The Running Man show was choreographed by Paula Abdul.
• When Rob Cohen purchased the rights to the Richard Bachman novella ‘The Running Man’, he had no idea that Bachman was actually a pseudonym for ‘Stephen King’.
• ‘The Running Man’ gameshow seen in the film was based upon an early 1980’s Japanese gameshow called ‘Trans American Ultra Quiz’, in which contestants were tortured in various ways. The prize went to whichever contestant could stand the pain/humiliation the longest.
• The footage of the attacking helicopters is from King Kong (1976).
• Maria Conchita Alonso and Arnold Schwarzenegger have both starred (and survived) in the Predator movies. Jesse Ventura starred in the first Predator film, but didn’t survive.
• Alex Cox has stated in interviews with The A.V. Club that he regrets not directing this film as he liked the story, but he was busy making Walker (1987) at the time.
• Dweezil Zappa, son of legendary American composer Frank Zappa, has only one line in the movie: “Don’t touch that dial!”, that being one of his father’s most famous lyrics from the song “I am the Slime” (from the album “Over-nite Sensation”, 1973).
• Four actors from the Predator franchise appear in this film. Arnold Schwarzenegger Jesse Ventura and Sven-Ole Thorsen all appear in Predator (1987), while Maria Conchita Alonso appear in Predator 2 (1990).
• The character “Mick,” the leader of the underground, is played by drummer Mick Fleetwood of the super group Fleetwood Mac. His compatriot in the movie, a character named “Stevie” and played by Dweezil Zappa, is an obvious homage to Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac.
• Erland van Lidth’s last film.
• As with most other readers at the time, the filmmakers had no idea that Richard Bachman, the writer on whose novel the film is loosely based, was none other than Stephen King.
• Director George P. Cosmatos wanted to relocate the entire film to a shopping mall. This may be the influence for a level in the game Manhunt (2003) (VG), a game based on a similar premise in which a former death row inmate must fight for his life against several different street gangs in a complex snuff film he’s been forcibly enlisted in. One of these levels, called “View of Innocence,” takes place in an abandoned shopping mall.

Amazon Specials!

jesse ventura,
no one likes jim belushi.
why’s he in your film?

]]> http://carnagechronicles.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/the-sky-report-for-november-3-2009/ Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:37:12 +0000 Carnage Chronicles http://carnagechronicles.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/the-sky-report-for-november-3-2009/ http://truthjunkievideos.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/fall-of-the-republic-the-presidency-of-barack-h-obama/ Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:10:52 +0000 Truth Junkie http://truthjunkievideos.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/fall-of-the-republic-the-presidency-of-barack-h-obama/

Fall Of The Republic documents how an offshore corporate cartel is bankrupting the US economy by design. Leaders are now declaring that world government has arrived and that the dollar will be replaced by a new global currency.

Former Governor Jesse Ventura exposes he was interrogated by more than 20 CIA agents during his term of office in Minnesota. Despite the CIA’s mission statement which states they are not to be operational within the Unites States, Ventura stated that he had embedded CIA agents working in high level positions of the Minnesota state government. Ventura also said that when these agents retired, their replacements were already chosen for him by the CIA.

So the Pope says, "Do you have an eraser? I wrote..."

If I had a bucket list, there would be one less item on it, because last night I finally got to see Otto & George live on stage in a comedy club. And although one of them is made of wood, trust me when I tell you that two minutes into the show no one believed they weren’t watching a foul-mouthed midget go postal on everyone, including the shy guy on stage trying to calm him down.

Brooklyn-born Otto Petersen started out working a normal ventriloquist act, playing clubs and parties and busking in the park. Changing the material to an X-rated routine was both a survival tactic to get work and a stroke of genius. And I don’t care how prepared you think you might be for a ribald puppet, but the twisted, filthy smut that spews out of George’s mouth is as shocking as it is hilarious, maybe the most politically incorrect show on the planet. Nothing is sacred, not celebrities, politicians, alternate lifesyles, nationalities, religions and most especially anyone sitting within shouting distance from the stage.

Otto and George had just played the night before with John Valby, the ribald piano player who is especially popular in upstate New York. I did not see that show, but apparently a few people seated nearby had and returned for a full evening of puppet magic. I don’t know whether some of the other attendees were expecting Jeff Dunham, but between the act’s reputation and the disclaimers, there was no way you could walk into this gig expecting to see anything other than a demented ventriloquist with a foul-mouthed puppet. And while I saw many people laughing uncontrollably at even the most offensive material, there were also a couple who were obviously in way over their heads sitting slack-jawed, mouths agape, like they were being mentally raped.

Sorry, I have no sympathy for those people. If you pay to see an act like this you know what you’re getting. Filthy, sexually oriented jokes that are that much more hilarious because they’re coming from the mouth of a puppet. Otto baits the audience, and you can see his lips moving, but people don’t even make eye contact with him because they’re fixated on George. Hell, I know that’s Otto doing the voice and I’m still staring at the puppet the entire time. (I’ve seen clips where people argue with George!)

What makes these guys great – and yes, I refer to them as two people – is that Otto rarely speaks directly to the audience. He lets George do all the dirty work. George looks as demented as he sounds, and relentlessly attacks Otto as well as the audience. So while Otto is trampling on the sacred cows of every gender, race, creed and lifestyle, he looks like he’s the victim, not the perpetrator. It’s a brilliant idea perfectly executed.

And for those who might snark that his ventriloquist skill is lacking because his lips do move, well…you’re missing the point. It’s one thing to see a guy drink a glass of water while throwing his voice, but you know all the time that it’s a parlor trick. Watching Otto & George, you’re convinced that a demented midget is onstage holding the room hostage. And that’s just what he did through two hour-long sets that I couldn’t reprint a word of even if I wanted to. One of the funniest shows I have ever seen; do not miss them if they perform near you.

Host and opening act Johnny O was flat out hilarious. I don’t expect much more from the M.C. than to make the time pass quickly, make me laugh once or twice and get me to the headliner. I’ll admit that when this middle-aged guy from Parsippany hit the stage I had no expectations, but my ribs ached by the time he was done. Irreverant social humor that was unilaterally funny, whether breaking balls about Italians and their lawn ornaments or the social caste differences between Yankee and Met fans. A bag full of great one-liners, sight gags and dead-on impressions of Sean Connery, Ice-T, Nipsey Russell (a killer closer) and Bernie Mac. And an impression of Jesse Ventura coaching his son about birth control? Folks, this was fucking gold. This guy needs to headline and I need to find out where so I can see him again.

The worst thing you can probably tell a comic is “I’m staying for the second show“, but Johnny O juggled his routine a bit and reworked some lines; Otto probably altered his by a third. Frankly, they were both so funny I probably could have watched them deliver the same material word for word.

The smaller opening crowd was actually more attentive and responsive. The later crowd, a bit younger, contained the requisite wiseass who thinks he’s funnier than the comic, the talkative drunk at the front table, the group of twelve sometimes focusing on each other instead of being part of the overall crowd. This is nothing new for a working comic, and both handled it well. And I don’t blame the comics – they were nailing the material and rifling the self-deprecating callbacks when things didn’t go as well as expected. They had the follow-up ready for any punch line that fizzled. They just didn’t get back what they put out there in the second show. Sure, maybe a Joe Pignatano reference plays better in New York City than elsewhere, but if a Bernie Mac imitation is too deep for you, maybe you need to get out more…just somewhere else. But with enough of us in the audience who were gasping for air, they did what professionals do – play to those of us who were actually getting the subtleties.

The Comedy Club in Webster is a great space – perfect sightlines, great sound and lighting, not a bad seat in the house. The food is good, the drinks reasonably priced and the servers attentive and friendly without being cloying. In short, it’s a great comedy room that deserves a great comedy audience. I know a lot of us walked away tonight with sore ribs and big smiles; hopefully Otto and Johnny got enough of a response from the core of both crowds to make up for the sprinkling of cluelsss ones.

Of course, George couldn’t be placated. “Go to Home Depot”, he told me, “and get a rope in aisle 2 and a stepladder in aisle 7 and do it right in the store! Kill yourself!!”

Otto & George on Letterman

Otto & George website

Otto & George on MySpace

Johnny O. on MySpace

…are: “Property Taxes Payable – 1st Half” and “Property Taxes Payable – 2nd Half”.

And yesterday was the one of those two least favorite days of the year. I don’t escrow, so twice a year I see – and feel the pain – of Gov. T-Bag’s “stewardship” of the great state of Minnesota. In 2001, I paid $2,316 in property taxes; as a result of the Property Tax Reform Bill enacted in 2001, and signed by then-Gov. Jesse Ventura, I paid $1,845. Under now-Gov. T-Bag, I paid $3,451 in property taxes this year.

The State House Research Department prepared an eleven page slide show in January of 2007 explaining what the 2001 Property Tax Reform Bill was supposed to accomplish; it’s available here.

According to the House Research Department, the goals of that 2001 Reform were:

Realign the state-local fiscal relationship:

• • Increase state’s role in funding state priorities (education, courts, transit)

• • Decrease state’s role in financing municipal services to give residents more direct responsibility for municipal service decisions

The bottom line, is Gov T-Bag accomplished the latter, while ignoring the former. While researching this post, I noted that MN2020.org has a new report out; published just this morning by Jeff Van Wychen. From it:

Since 2002, Minnesota property taxes, in general, and homeowner property taxes, in particular, have increased rapidly. The cause of the statewide growth in property taxes is not growth in local government budgets. These property tax hikes are the result of state policies that require more public costs to be borne by property taxpayers and a larger share of total property taxes to be borne by homeowners.

Yep – since 2002, my property taxes have increased rapidly; from $1,845 in 2002 to $3,451 in 2009 – dam near doubling during the reign of T-Bag The Terrible (a/k/a, “Worst. Governor. EVER.”).

Go to MN2020.org to find out why.

(crossposted and comments welcomed at MnProgressiveProject)

Fall Of The Republic comes out October 21st, 2009!!!! DO NOT MISS THIS VIDEO!

Fall Of The Republic documents how an offshore corporate cartel is bankrupting the US economy by design. Leaders are now declaring that world government has arrived and that the dollar will be replaced by a new global currency.

President Obama has brazenly violated Article 1 Section 9 of the US Constitution by seating himself at the head of United Nations’ Security Council, thus becoming the first US president to chair the world body.

A scientific dictatorship is in its final stages of completion, and laws protecting basic human rights are being abolished worldwide; an iron curtain of high-tech tyranny is now descending over the planet.

A worldwide regime controlled by an unelected corporate elite is implementing a planetary carbon tax system that will dominate all human activity and establish a system of neo-feudal slavery.

The image makers have carefully packaged Obama as the world’s savior; he is the Trojan Horse manufactured to pacify the people just long enough for the globalists to complete their master plan.

This film reveals the architecture of the New World Order and what the power elite have in store for humanity. More importantly it communicates how We The People can retake control of our government, turn the criminal tide and bring the tyrants to justice.

To order the Fall of The Republic dvd please visit the following link! http://infowars-shop.stores.yahoo.net/faofreprofba.html

***Please note any links to order the dvd from this blog take you directly to to the official infowars.com shop. You are NOT ordering from me!***