Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks (Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth), United Synagogue of the UK, has issued and distributed “a special prayer for the victims of the Haiti earthquake”. You can read the prayer in The Jewish Chronicle.

I am including the “special prayer” that Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks has issued, below. What better time to recite it, than on Shabbat.

THE CHIEF RABBI’S PRAYER FOR HAITI

Adon ha-olamim
Sovereign of the universe,

Ken Yehi Ratzon, ve-nomar.
Amen.
~~~
Please remember Abraham Sutzkever in your prayers tonight.
~~~
May your own Shabbat experience be filled with Shalom.
~~~
© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved – No permission is given or allowed to reuse my photography, book reviews, writings, or my poetry in any form/format without my express written consent/permission.

Friday January 22, 2010 – 7th of Sh’vat, 5770

One year ago today, my family held a funeral for my uncle, Arthur Cohen. At the age of 75, he collapsed and died from a heart attack on the tennis court after playing a great game of singles. While it was an unexpected shock, Arthur died doing what he loved. I helped write his obituary, and my aunt asked me to speak at the funeral. This is my eulogy that I read last year.

For Arthur Cohen’s Funeral, January 19, 2009

I’m Gail Rubin. Arthur was my uncle.

Arthur was an only child, and Aunt Muriel is my father’s only sibling. I’m the only daughter with three brothers. Arthur delighted in saying I was his favorite niece, followed quickly by saying I was his only niece. But he loved my cousins on my mother’s side of the family as well.

Arthur lived life with great enthusiasm. He, as we all know, had a passion for tennis, both playing the game and collecting memorabilia. If you come to the house later today, you can tour his tennis museum that fills two bedrooms upstairs. Once the kids left home, there was no going back, as Arthur had filled their rooms with racquets and magazines and promotional items. Sorry, kids.

He loved going to yard sales and estate sales, and getting a great deal on Life magazines and all the stuff that became merchandise for his Nostalgia Ads business. He was a great mentor for my brother Mitch, who runs a shop in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where we both live. Mitch said that Arthur gave him three ideals: work hard, play hard, and at least once in your lifetime, own a convertible.

Jewish tradition for burial is to place the body in a plain soft wood casket, dressed in white linen or cotton clothing reminiscent of the attire of the high priests. This combination of flesh, wood and cloth deteriorates at the same rate, allowing a graceful return to the earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. It also shows how in death, we are all the same, whether rich or poor in life, and we are all high priests.

We also don’t put the body on display, as that is considered disrespectful of the earthly vessel that contained the human spirit. What you can’t see is that Arthur is being buried in his tennis whites, with his size 13 court shoes and tennis team jacket, along with the racquet he had in his hand when he died. The family felt he would have wanted it that way.

With Arthur’s sudden death on Friday, we had a hard time getting in touch with my parents, who were on a cruise until Saturday morning. Arthur is the first of our parents’ generation to pass on, and that’s hard to accept.

I like to think that Arthur has gone on a cruise and is temporarily out of touch. When it’s our time to take that cruise to the great beyond, Arthur and those we have loved in our lifetimes will be there to greet us when we board. In the meantime, he’ll be playing tennis on the athletic deck court, and enjoying his naps after a hard workout. May he rest in peace.

Many Jewish people around the world observe the Sabbath with ritual and routine, and it has been said that through years of persecution and threatened annihilament, “The Sabbath has kept Israel.”

Ever wonder about the meaning of the Sabbath and the traditions linked with this holy day? In this day and age of  ”hurry sickness,” not just Jews are interested in slowing down and reclaiming the rewards of rest; but Gentiles are too!

My book, Sabbath: A Gift of Time, is an easy primer for a journey into unlocking the treasures of the seventh day ordained by God for rest.

It will be officially released in major bookstores around the country on April 6, 2010; but you can pre-oder now at the publishing house. Follow the link here.

When does one dare to enter into the holy waters of the mikvah? I have never done it, myself but I’ve heard legends from others who have. For those not so familiar with the mikvah, I can tell you about it a little or as little as I know.

The Mikvah is a type of ritual bath (that must be connected by a natural spring), where Jews immerse themselves in (take a dip, although without the normal recreational purposes attached) to cleanse their bodies. Women usually do this for the first time before they get married, and orthodox women do this as often as every time after their menstruation finishes, as well as after giving birth. They have to go to the mikvah before they are allowed to resume physical relations with their husbands. There are also mikvahs for men, but let’s just stick to the women.

Even if you aren’t religious or orthodox, you’re supposed to go to the mikvah, which often looks like some kind of indoor pool-like thing (think of the Roman baths, or Turkish hamams), right before you get married. Now, I should mention that there are many fears associated with this. One is that at least one other woman is going to see you naked. Two, you might be bathing yourself in water that may or may not be so clean considering that there definitely was more than one woman who was immersing herself in the pure, spiritual waters before you came, unless of course you came at the crack of dawn, but then who knows if the mikvah was cleaned from the night before.
Before the mikvah, you are supposed to be clean and have washed yourself and have no remnants of dirt in your ears, under your nails, and of course your menstruation must have truly ended and I say this because there is someone there with you.

I’ve heard a range of responses about the mikvah from those who love the mikvah and the traditions associated with it and those who find the very idea of it daunting and won’t go near one. There are women who won’t go because they find it sexist, because women are supposed to go because we become “unclean.” I used to think this way. I know that I would never go regularly for this reason. But, I’ll probably do it before I get married. I like the idea of keeping certain rituals and traditions alive; acknowledging and identifying myself as a Jewish woman. So why not? I guess first I need a fiancé though, huh?

The 23rd Psalm is a popular reading at Jewish and Christian funerals. It affirms that though we face trials in life, with God’s support we move through the dark times and can achieve wholeness and fulfillment.

Newer translations of this psalm have appeared in the last few decades. The version that follows is the traditional translation that includes the somewhat awkward “est” endings to verbs. If you prefer to use gender neutral names, you can replace “The Lord” and “He” with “God,” “The Divine,” or the Hebrew name “Adonai.”

A psalm of David:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul.

He guides me in straight paths for His Name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil

For Thou art with me.

Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou annointest my head with oil,

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

Total Immersion: A Mikvah Anthology, by Rivkah Slonim brings the reader a fascinating and remarkable tour of the Mikvah experience, including Jewish sexuality, marriage, traditions and rituals. I was fascinated and intrigued from the first page to the last page, and was totally immersed (no pun intended) within the book up through finishing it. The Jewish ritual bath is explored in depth, and within many perspectives with the almost fifty essays and personal stories that are included in Total Immersion: A Mikvah Anthology.

The individuals who contributed material to the book did so with sensitivity, emotion, logic, thoughtfulness and insight. Their reflections add to the importance and the educational value of the Mikvah experience, bringing thought-provoking moments and illuminations to ponder.

Both women and men were the contributors to this anthology. Their insights lend much importance into the psychological, philosophical, religious, ritualistic and historical aspects and background of the Mikvah. No area of the Mikvah is left unturned.

The essays were written by individuals from all walks of life, including a rape victim, a convert, those in the academic arena and other backgrounds. Their stories are compelling, intriguing and difficult to let go of when you are finished reading. The pages radiate how both women and men, and how those who are not necessarily religious use the Mikvah to cleanse themselves, not only physically but emotionally.

From staunch feminists to those who do or do not want children, the Mikvah represents many things, and even different ideals to different individuals. From marriage and family purity to the purging of what is deemed to be unclean by the one who is immersed, the stories take on an intensity which are not only informative, but religiously relevant on so many levels. The restrictions and discipline are subjects that are heavily discussed. Each person writes from the heart of their personal experience, sharing intimate details with the reader.

The historical aspect is invaluable, and the religious perspective is compelling. Total Immersion: A Mikvah Anthology is extremely educational, bringing us varying trains of thought on the Mikvah experience. Reading it brought new insight to my eyes and mind, to my heart and soul regarding Jewish life in general, sexuality and Judaism, and Jewish life concerning expectations within a marriage. In my opinion, it is a book not to be missed, and one that belongs in every personal and public library. Bravo to those who shared their most personal moments with the reader! Bravo to Rivkah Slonim for compiling the stories within this excellent book! I highly recommend Total Immersion: A Mikvah Anthology to everyone.
~~~~~~
© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved – No permission is given or allowed to reuse my photography, book reviews, writings, or my poetry in any form/format without my express written consent/permission.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009 – 13th of Tevet, 5770

Couples from different faith backgrounds often face hurdles when they marry, as I know from my first marriage – a Jew and a Catholic. Clergy may try to counsel the couple on how they can bring their different religions together into their enjoined lives, or the pair may walk away from their religions altogether. They may find a happy medium for celebrating holidays and raising children.

At the end of life, though, religion often becomes important once again. With a death in the family, you may feel drawn to do a funeral service in the religion you grew up with, even if you haven’t practiced that faith or attended services in years.

This is a hard time to learn about a partner’s religious traditions for funerals. Discussing what kind, if any, religious ceremony you would want is important for reducing stress on top of grief.

“I have noticed that when a death occurs, people become more orthodox, and that’s true whether it’s in the Jewish faith or any other faith,” said funeral director Glenn Taylor.

A late “return to the fold” for a funeral holds pitfalls for making a meaningful end-of-life ritual. If you haven’t regularly attended a church or synagogue, it’s hard to get a clergy person who knew the deceased personally. There’s nothing sadder than attending a funeral where the officiating clergy mispronounces the deceased’s name and only recites information that appears in the obituary.

Bear in mind that every family’s interpretation of a tradition is different. While the information presented here on each religion’s guidance regarding treatment of the body, funeral services, and mourning, each family will have their own unique variations on these traditions. When making plans, it may be helpful to say, “I understand your faith tradition calls for such-and-such to be done. Is this something you want to do?”

Look for postings on funeral traditions for various faiths in the coming weeks.

From a very young age, girls begin to think about their wedding, not so much their marriage, but their wedding, as in that special day where we are the “Queen for the Day”, or so we like to believe. Maybe it has something to do with having played with Barbie and Ken, or the fairy tales we listened to where a girl always lives happily ever after by getting married first to her Prince Charming, or maybe we dream about it because we grow up seeing a picture of our parents smiling in a photo, our mother in her white wedding dress and our father in his tux or suit. Whatever it is, we are obsessed! If we weren’t obsessed we wouldn’t have reality shows on television called, “Bridezillas.”

And really who can blame us for turning into evil dragon-like creatures that antagonize our poor future husbands over every last detail of “our perfect day.” Aren’t we doing it for his benefit too? Actually probably not, but he proposed so he has to live with us. And if he loves us so much to live with us through the wedding, when we are nervous and anxious and insane, then he really should be able to live with us throughout the rest of his life. This is why it actually shocks me that there are so many people getting divorced after a couple years of marriage. I mean, if they could deal with us in preparation for the wedding when we are at our craziest, how can they not deal with us during our normal days?

My theory is that men secretly love the drama. Sure, they might not be the ones getting emotional by every little thing, but somehow they thrive off of it. Okay so perhaps this is just a crackpot theory and most men really don’t like drama. I think it’s more that some people love drama and some people don’t, and it doesn’t matter if they are men or women, it’s more of a personality type. But no matter what, if you are getting married and you have a wedding, you will have to deal with one of the most stressful days of your life. And it involves getting stressed out about things you would have never thought could stress you out.

Women have panic attacks over the right type of flowers, the food, the music, the guest list, and everything under the sun. And I’m not even going to begin to rant on the cost of a wedding. It’s agony, but for some reason we believe that this will be our perfect day. But what’s the rationale of having a perfect day when we are imperfect people. Isn’t it the imperfections that we grow to love about our partners anyway? When nothing is perfect in the world, how do we still expect perfection?

Tonight at sundown the eighth and final night of Hanukkah begins. All of the candles on the Menorah will be lit. There will be wonderful illuminations!

Place your Menorah where all who pass by can see it. Recite the Blessing. Get your Shamash, “Helper Candle” out and light it, and then light the all of the eight candles, from the left to the right, starting with the newest candle position.

Celebrate this last and festive night of Hanukkah with good books, with wonderful music, with Lasting Hanukkkah Gifts, by performing a Mitzvah, by contacting those you have not seen or spoken to in a while, by dedicating this last night of Hanukkah to all family members, by eating chicken soup with matzo balls (or another favorite meal), and most importantly, by making tonight a festive night filled with tradition and wonderful memories to last throughout the years.

I have my memories of also celebrating the sixth night of Hanukkah with Sarah, Allan, and my grandies Emily and Logan to carry with me. I treasure those moments…the light in Emily’s eyes when she saw the menorah being lit. And, I loved Logan’s little hand touching the bottom of one of the candles.

One of the menorah photos was taken on the back side of the menorah…making it appear that the candles are not in correct order.

I enjoyed watching when Emily decorated in the living room, and when she clapped for joy as she saw the decorations glistening.

I love how she was peeking through the white branches of the Hanukkah bush, looking at me and saying “I see you”. Oh, a heart-melting moment.

How could I ever forget her enthusiasm when she opened her gifts, and also opened Logan’s presents.

And, Logan, who managed to crawl/inch his way close to her, how could I forget his little hand reaching out to touch his toys…

It was cute to watch Emily gobble down the matzoh ball soup I made…and the baked chicken and vegetables. And, I got to see Logan eat peas for the very first time…they looked wonderful on his face! He is now eating solid food in between being breast fed, and last night was the first time that peas were introduced to him. Emily chose them for him. She loves them, herself, and are her favorite vegetable. Such a sweet big sister!

I remember last year, while on the 405 Freeway in California, a car had a lit digital menorah on its roof. It was such a marvelous sight within the darkness of the night.

Shabbat Shalom, everyone! Happy Hanukkah!
~~~~~~
Jew Wishes…Peace to you all.
© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved – No permission is given or allowed to reuse my photography, book reviews, writings, or my poetry in any form/format without my express written consent/permission.

Tonight at sundown the seventh night of Hanukkah begins. On this night I remember my dear Bubbe, and my dear Nana, with love. May their memories be for a loving blessing.

Place your Menorah where all who pass by can see it. Recite the Blessing. Get your Shamash, “Helper Candle” out and light it, and then light seven candles, from the left to the right, (the newest lit first on the left), as you face it. Recite the blessings. Celebrate with tradition, joy and by dedicating this night to a family member, and also by cooking and eating chicken soup with matzo balls, or a favorite family meal.

Mazel Tov to my dear friend Rachel on her special day!
~~~~~~
Jew Wishes…Peace to you all.
© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved – No permission is given or allowed to reuse my photography, book reviews, writings, or my poetry in any form/format without my express written consent/permission.

Tonight at sundown the fifth night of Hanukkah begins. Reflect on your own life and the lives of your family members and friends.

Place your Menorah where all who pass by can see it. Recite the Blessing. Get your Shamash, “Helper Candle” out and light it, and then light five candles, from the left to the right. Recite the blessings. Celebrate with tradition, joy and by performing a Mitzvah.

Hanukkah poetry to ponder:

Let’s be Happy
Malvine P. Hoenig

Let’s be happy, let us cheer,
Hanukkah again is here.
All the lights are shining bright,
Isn’t it a lovely sight?

You know these lights remind us
Of the time long, long ago,
When God caused one,
tiny light,
for eight long days to shine so bright.
~~~
Joyous Hanukkah!
Eva Grant

At last! At last! Hanukkah is here!
The whole house is bursting with holiday cheer.

Pancakes are sizzling as hard as they can,
Browning delectably crisp in the pan.

The dreidels can scarcely wait to be spun;
Presents are hidden for Hanukkah fun;

And there, on the table, polished and bright,
The shining menorah gleams through the night,

Like the oil lamp in ancient history,
That burned on and on miraculously!

And each flaming candle proclaims the great story
Of the Maccabean heroes, their deeds and their glory.
~~~
Happy Hanukkah!
Eva Grant

Outside, snow is slowly, softly
Falling through the wintry night.
In the house, the brass menorah
Sparkles with the candlelight.

Children in a circle listen
To the wondrous stories told,
Of the daring Maccabeans
And the miracles of old.

In the kitchen, pancakes sizzle,
Turning brown, they’ll soon be done.
Gifts are waiting to be opened,
Happy Hanukkah’s begun.
~~~
Hanukkah Quiz
Eva Grant

Why is the story of Hanukkah told?
To honor the brave Maccabeans of old.
What makes our mouths water, handed around?
Platefuls of pancakes, deliciously browned.
There are the Hanukkah gifts hidden? Well . . .
That is a secret which no one should tell!
What do we place on the table to hold
The gay-colored candles? It’s polished gold.
The shining menorah!
What comes once a year?
Hanukkah fun!
At last it is here!
~~~
Because One Hundred and Thirteen Generations

Because one hundred and thirteen generations
Of Jews lit candles for eight days and prayed
(No doubt a miracle–flames in empty jars),
Nor could they, spangled abroad like lonely stars,
Inter their music, or cull their recitations,
Each cantillated word is death delayed.

Some memories are miracles: the jars
Empty yet dancing with light, the generations
Touched also by fire, burning like distant stars,
History twinkling with their recitations
Lest words be forgotten and the future die. They prayed
On their way naked to the ovens; they prayed
Resting by Babylon’s stagnant waters; they delayed
Reeling into memory’s end, the empty jars
Aflame with words, afire with recitations,
In words their mountains, their rivers, deserts, stars;
Nations flowing towards silence, the generations
Ebbing into darkness, with candles they delayed �

Granted they seem strange. Their recitations
Are as alien as Aztec chants. The empty jars
Burning in the temple, the scattered stars
Returning eagerly each night � Whose prayers delayed
Interment in darkness? Which sunless soul prayed
Earnestly enough to light the stars?
Long has this love been borne by their generations.

Memories need candles. The recitations
Of children are like black meadows of fragrant stars
Mirroring the eyes of generations.

Eventually memories end: the sightless stars
Like coal dust blown across the darkness, the jars
Like unattended stones � God once delayed
Eight days the death of light. The people prayed.
Now night awaits the last of their recitations.

Nicholas Gordon
Copyright, Nicholas Gordon
~~~~~~
Jew Wishes…Peace to you all.

Tonight is the fourth night of Hanukkah. Half of the menorah gets lit, but the one half is still a pretty sight…the warm glow of the light illuminating for all to see.

Place your Menorah where all who pass by can see it. Recite the Blessing. Get your Shamash, “Helper Candle” out and light it, and then light four candles, from the left to the right, beginning on the far right side of your Menorah, as you face it. Recite the blessings. Celebrate with tradition, joy and good food, such as latkes.

Why not make some latkes of different flavors. Get everyone involved. My favorite are sweet potato latkes with apple sauce, and I also like zucchini latkes and spinach latkes
with sour cream.

I tried a new ingredient this year in my latkes. I have added pumpkin as a different flavor. Why not!! I make pumpkin bread and pumpkin muffins, so why not pumpkin latkes??!! I added one cup of pumpkin to the basic recipe, along with a dash of nutmeg.

Basic latke recipe:
3/4 cup matzo meal or bread crumbs
2 1/2 cups grated potatoes…squeeze excess moisture out of them
1 small onion (grated)
1 beaten egg (Egg Beaters or equivalent substitute may be used in the amount of one egg),
1/4 tsp. salt – 1/2 tsp. can be used, I just like less
1/2 tsp. dill
1 tsp. baking powder
dash of pepper can be added if desired

Mix all ingredients until well blended. Make sure your skillet is greased and very hot. Drop batter by tablespoonfuls onto the skillet. Press lightly to spread out the batter a bit. Brown the pancakes on both sides, don’t overcook, they should be a golden brown, and not dark brown in color. Serve hot.

Applesauce is a good topping condiment, along with sour cream. Low fat sour cream is fine.

To make latkes with zucchini use 1 1/2 cups grated potatoes and 1 cup grated zucchini, follow as above.

For sweet potato latkes, use 2 1/2 cups grated sweet potatoes.

For spinach latkes use 1 cup chopped spinach and 1 1/2 cups grated potatoes.

The second night of Hanukkah on Saturday was spent at my daughter and son-in-law’s home. It was a joyous time watching Emily’s facial expressions throughout the evening. She is old enough to verbally interact in the celebration, now, at the age of 2 and 1/2.

I will be returning there Wednesday night to spend more time with them for Hanukkah and menorah lighting, dining, etc. I am so where I belong…with my family.
~~~~~~
Jew Wishes…Peace to you all.
© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved – No permission is given or allowed to reuse my photography, book reviews, writings, or my poetry in any form/format without my express written consent/permission.

Monday December 14, 2009 – 27th Kislev, 5770

How often when we hear the news of a death, the first impulse is to prepare food to take to the mourners’ home. This custom of preparing a meal for others is a very old tradition, for both Jews and Christians, to show concern for their neighbor’s grief. After a funeral, the immediate family returns home to a “Meal of Condolence” prepared by neighbors and friends.

At this stressful time, it’s helpful to have one family member or close friend serve as coordinator for placement and use of food prepared by others. It’s not unusual for a family to order platters for the meal after the funeral and save the donated casseroles for consumption later in the week of mourning.

A week-long period of mourning, known as Shiva, which means seven in Hebrew, begins the day of the funeral. During this first and most intense stage of mourning, the immediate family does not leave the house or go about their usual business. Traditionalists don’t bathe or shave. Prayer services are held in the home every day, traditionally three times a day, but nowadays a non-Orthodox family most likely would have one prayer service a day, or twice at most.

The Shiva period can be shortened to three days if full observance would seriously impact the mourner’s livelihood. The seven-day period was established based on an interpretation of a verse in Amos (8:10) that references festivals and mourning in the same sentence (the festivals Passover and Sukkot last seven days). In addition, Genesis (50:10) indicates that Joseph mourned his father Jacob for seven days.

Traditionally, mourners sit on low stools or boxes, as opposed to ordinary chairs. Some scholars suggest this ancient custom was based on the description of Job, who when suffering his misfortunes, was comforted by friends who sat with him on the ground. Sitting low to the ground symbolizes a mourner’s awareness that life is not the same and demonstrates a desire to stay close to the earth in which his or her loved one is now buried.

Paying a condolence visit during this week is considered a mitzvah and an act of compassion. Refrain from using ordinary cheery greetings and allow the mourner to speak first. Often, the best thing one can do is be a good listener if the mourner wants to talk. Simply being present can be a great support.

Mirrors are often covered in a house of mourning for several reasons. Mirrors are associated with vanity, and during a period of mourning it is not appropriate to be concerned with one’s personal appearance. Mourners in their early grief may have red, puffy eyes, and generally not look their best. I recently had surgery and was shocked to look in a mirror and see how my appearance changed due to the amount of  intravenous fluids that had been pumped into my body. But I started to look normal again in short order. Skipping seeing how I looked in those first few days would have been a blessing.

Also, with prayer services taking place in the home, it is forbidden to pray in front of a mirror, which can pull one’s concentration away from praying. Additionally, Jews believe humans are created in the image of God, and to see oneself as a grieving mourner in a sorry state is not a compliment to God.

A memorial candle that burns for seven days is lit in the house of mourning upon return from the cemetery. It looks similar to the pillar candles in glass tubes that Catholics use, and is usually plain or adorned with a six-pointed Jewish star. In Jewish tradition, the candle is symbolic of the body and soul. The flame is the soul, which reaches ever upward. By lighting a candle and keeping it burning, it is believed that the soul of the departed is aided in its afterlife journey.

After the initial seven-day period, mourners can return to ordinary activities. During the thirty-day period that starts at the funeral, called Sheloshim, mourners are supposed to recite the Mourner’s Kaddish daily for the deceased. Jews who are members of a congregation will hear a list of names that includes the name of their loved one announced prior to the recitation of this prayer during Sabbath services.

After a year, Jews who wish to honor the memory of the deceased mark each anniversary of the death by lighting a Yahrzeit candle and saying the Mourner’s Kaddish at synagogue.  The Yahrzeit candle is lit after sunset the evening before the anniversary date, and then burns for a full 24 hours. While not required, putting a picture of the deceased next to the candle helps kindle memories.

The practice of observing the anniversary of a death is many centuries old, but the word Yahrzeit was not used before the 16^th century. The term is derived from the German word Jahrzeit, used in the Christian Church to denote the occasion for honoring the memory of the dead.

If you want to learn further customs and additional reasons for Jewish funeral and mourning traditions, you may wish to refer to The Jewish Book of Why and The Second Jewish Book of Why by Alfred J. Kolatch.

In ancient times, a family was responsible for burying their own deceased, and burial involved an earthly grave or a tomb. In Jesus’ time, bodies would be stored in tombs until the flesh deteriorated to the skeleton, then the bones transferred and stored in an ossuary, which is an urn or box.

How times have changed! Today’s families are no longer personally responsible for preparing and burying the body; instead they pay a funeral home to undertake those services. This is how the term “undertaker” originated. Funerals can be held at the funeral home’s chapel, in the synagogue, or at graveside. In the past, funerals have been held at the family’s home, but that is rarely done now.

Jewish tradition favors modesty and simplicity in its treatment of the dead, and ostentatious funerals are frowned upon. The thought is it’s better to give money to charity than to flaunt it at a funeral. Charitable contributions are preferred over floral tributes. The body is never put on display for people to view, as this is seen as disrespectful of the deceased.

At the funeral, the focus shifts from the care of the body of the deceased to the care of the mourners. Before a funeral starts, the close family of the deceased – parent, spouse, child, brother, sister – perform keria, a ritual tearing of garments. The custom originated in the Biblical account of Jacob tearing his garment when told by his sons that a wild beast killed Joseph. Today, we’re a little more practical. Rather than ruin an otherwise good article of clothing, mourners pin a torn black ribbon onto their clothing.

“A funeral is about embracing hard reality while finding comfort in tradition, in community, and in the celebration of life,” said Rabbi Joseph Black of Congregation Albert in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Jewish funerals are generally short, simple affairs with three main elements: a eulogy that says truthful, good things about the deceased, the El Malei Rachamim, a prayer for the deceased, and the Mourner’s Kaddish, an ancient prayer in praise of God. However, the Mourner’s Kaddish is not said until the deceased is buried, so if it’s not a graveside funeral, this prayer will not be said until the time the body is actually placed in the ground.

To create a eulogy, Bruce Kahn, retired rabbi of Temple Shalom in Chevy Chase, Maryland, said he would sit down with the family and discuss the person’s life in great detail for several hours, to truly know the person. Often things would come out that most family members didn’t know – both strengths and weaknesses. A no-holds-barred discussion is a cathartic experience for the mourners, and it enabled Rabbi Kahn to be accurate in the eulogy.  He would censor the material, though, saying, “ I know enough to say the right things,” adding, “Every eulogy I’ve given, the families ask for copies.”

The mourners follow the hearse in a procession as the body is transported to the cemetery, if the funeral is not held grave-side. The pall bearers help take the casket out of the hearse and carry it to the grave. Some words are usually spoken before the coffin is lowered.  Once the casket is positioned in the grave, all adults in attendance recite the Mourner’s Kaddish. A quorum of ten adults, called a minyan, must be present at the funeral in order for the prayer to be recited. The Kaddish is an ancient Aramaic poem that is an expression of faith, reinforcing that the mourner still believes in God and that life is worth living.

After the recitation, the mourners take turns shoveling some earth into the grave. The cemetery may provide hand trowels or long-handled shovels for this ritual. Traditionally, the back of the shovel is used, as this is meant to be a difficult thing to do. The mourners are not expected to actually fill the grave. The sound of the earth landing on the casket provides another reminder of the hard reality of the loved one’s death.

A memorial marker is not installed until later. Usually, an unveiling of the marker is held near the first anniversary of the person’s death, but the time frame for an unveiling can range from six to 18 months after the burial. Depending on the organization that runs the cemetery, Jewish cemeteries may have differing rules on whether non-Jewish spouses or partners may be buried there.

When leaving the cemetery, or before entering the home of the mourners after the funeral, visitors will often find a pitcher of water with which to wash their hands. This custom is connected with the ancient practice of purification through washing after being in close proximity to the dead.

When I was at the Skirball Cultural Center on Sunday, I bought two children’s Hanukkah books for my grandchildren Emily and Logan.

I read them, right then and there, in the Skirball Cultural Center’s gift shop, to see if they were books that would be age appropriate (especially for 2 1/2 year old Emily who has a passionate love of books that is comparable to mine).

I knew once I had finished them that they would be great books for Emily and Logan to have in their Jewish holiday book collection.

Light the Candles: A Hanukah Lift-the-Flap Book, by Joan Holub is an excellent book and resource for children. From dreidels and latkes to lighting the candles on the Menorah and opening gifts, Light the Candles is a wonderful learning tool for children. Each page that is turned shows another candle on the menorah. Lift the flap and the children will see Hanukkah displayed in varied ways.

Emily and Logan have not seen this book yet, as Sarah is waiting until the first night to read it to them.

Dinosaur on Hanukkah, by Diane Levin Rauchwerger is a wonderful children’s Hanukkah book! Just ask Emily! She loved it, according to my daughter, Sarah.

I loved it too, and thought the illustrations were fantastic. They were very appealing, and I could see how children of all ages could fall in love with the book (including me). I let my inner child out while reading it.

Who doesn’t love a cute, smiley dinosaur?

From decorations to latkes, and all the traditions in between, Dinosaur on Hanukkah is an excellent Hanukkah book for children.

In the Jewish tradition, the body of the deceased is treated with care and respect, extending dignity to the earthly vessel that the human spirit has left behind. This task is often undertaken by the local Chevra Kadisha, a volunteer organization that cares for the bodies of the dead according to Jewish law and ancient custom. Funeral homes that conduct Jewish funerals can make arrangements for the services of the Chevra Kadisha or you can get information from your rabbi or local Jewish Federation.

Chevra Kadisha is a Hebrew phrase that means “sacred society” or “holy friends.” These anonymous volunteers are not paid for their services, for the act of caring for the dead is a mitzvah (a good deed and true act of loving kindness), because there can be no reciprocity from the deceased. They prepare the body for burial through a process called Tahara, which means “purification.” Some families will request a shomer, or “watcher,” a person who makes sure the body is never left alone until burial.

This purification ceremony is customarily done on the day of the funeral. It may be done in advance if a body is flown from one location for burial in another place. Usually a group of five or six people minister to the deceased, with one person reading prayers and psalms while the others tend to the body. In keeping with the spirit of modesty and respect for the dead, men perform the purification for men, women for women.

First, the body is carefully washed with warm water, and all clothing, bandages and foreign objects are removed. Any hair or blood removed during cleansing is put in a bag to be placed in the coffin, to keep as much of the body intact as possible. During this cleansing, the modesty of the dead is maintained by keeping parts of the body not being worked on covered by a sheet.

After the body is washed, it is purified through a mikvah, a ritual bath utilized to mark Jewish life cycle events. Here though, water is poured onto the body from pitchers that are passed continuously around until seven passes have been made. Two people pour, while others hold a clean sheet like a chuppah (wedding canopy) over the body and the heads of those pouring. The body is then dried carefully and gently dressed in burial garments.

Burial garments are pure cotton or linen, reflecting the clothing of the High Priest as described in Exodus and Leviticus. Usually, the garments include an under-tunic, an over-tunic, a head covering, and pants with no opening for the feet, indicating this person will not be walking anywhere. The garments are white, a symbol of purity, and have no pockets, symbolizing that no material possessions can be taken into the afterlife, reaffirming “you can’t take it with you.” As the deceased is buried only in these garments, there’s no need to worry about selecting clothing or shoes.

The practice of burying all Jews in the same type of simple garments was instituted eighteen hundred years ago when Rabbi Gamaliel instructed that rich and poor are equal before God. We all have the same parent; we all come to the same end – dust to dust.

Embalming is forbidden in Jewish law for several reasons. Blood is drained from the body and discarded in embalming, a problem since Jewish law considers blood a part of the body, and therefore not to be removed from the deceased. Embalming also retards swift decomposition of the body, delaying its return to the earth. It represents a denial of death through efforts to preserve the body. Even though the embalming of Jacob and Joseph was mentioned in the Bible, it was an Egyptian custom that predated the establishment of many Jewish laws that were given to the people by Moses.

The Chevra Kadisha volunteers then move the body and place it in a plain wooden coffin with no metal parts. The coffin can be of any kind of wood, but inexpensive soft woods such as pine are preferred over hardwoods such as oak, because they decompose more rapidly. The body, the linen garments, and the wood all deteriorate at about the same rate.

Finally, potsherds, fragments of pottery, are placed over the eyes and mouth, as a sign that these eyes no longer see and the mouth no longer speaks. Earth from Israel is sprinkled over the body. There is a belief held by Orthodox Jews that when the Messiah appears there will be a resurrection of the dead and those who lived a pious life will roll underground to the Holy Land to be resurrected. The earth from Israel placed in the coffin prepares them for the trip. This ritual is often done even if the deceased was not Orthodox (just in case – you can never be too sure).

The Jewish approach toward burial is a total opposite of the American funeral industry’s approach of “preservation” through embalming and hermetically sealed metal caskets. Here a simple wooden coffin, sometimes with holes drilled in the bottom, helps hasten the biblical commandment “Unto dust shalt thou return” (Genesis 3:19).

Jewish ritual strives toward kadosh, or holiness. Ironically, that term also translates to “separateness.” Jewish observances are designed to show reverence for those who die, concern for the welfare of those who mourn, and reinforce the daily holiness of our actions. While other religious traditions also incorporate these strivings, Jewish practices are very different from Christian observances.

In morning prayers, Jews are reminded of these actions to help bring holiness into the world. Devout Jews recite daily this prayer from the siddur (prayer book), “These are the obligations without measure, whose reward too is without measure, in this world and in the world to come: To honor father and mother; to do deeds of loving kindness; to attend the house of study daily; to welcome the stranger; to visit the sick; to comfort the mourner; to rejoice with bride and groom; and to make peace when there is strife.” Instead of comforting the mourner, one translation of this prayer dictates “following the departed to their last home.”

Many Jews are surprised to learn there is a Jewish final confessional prayer that the dying may say, or someone may say on the person’s behalf. In Hebrew, it is called Viddui. In English, one version goes like this:

“I acknowledge before the source of all that life and death are not in my hands. Just as I did not choose to be born, so I do not choose to die. May it come to pass that I may be healed, but if death is my fate, then I accept it with dignity and the loving calm of one who knows the ways of all things.

May my death be honorable and my life be a healing memory for those who know me. May my loved ones think well of me and my memory bring them joy. From all I may have hurt, I ask forgiveness, upon all who have hurt me, I bestow forgiveness. As a wave returns to the ocean, so I return to the source from which I came.

Shema, Israel, Adonai Elohainu, Adonai Echad – Hear, oh Israel, that which we call God is oneness itself. Blessed is the way of God, the way of life and death, of coming and going, of meeting and loving, now and forever. As I am blessed with the one, so now I am blessed with the other. Shalom, Shalom, Shalom.”

(Usually translated as peace, Shalom can also mean fulfillment or wholeness and serves as a salutation for greeting or parting.)

Jewish law calls for a burial to take place within 24 hours of a person’s death, unless there is a compelling reason for delay. This is based on two biblical commandments, both found in Deuteronomy 21:23: “Thou shalt bury him the same day,” and “His body shall not remain all night.” However, burials cannot take place on the Sabbath (Saturday) or a Jewish holiday. A funeral can be delayed to accommodate the arrival of very close relatives, but never more than three days. Delaying burial is considered disrespectful to both the dead person and the family, who cannot mourn while their dead lie before them.

More information on Jewish traditions to come!

So, tomorrow is Create a Great Funeral Day. Have you made any plans? Would you even know where to start?

Most people don’t have a funeral plan. They don’t want to think about it, don’t know why it’s important, or think they’ll get around to it “someday.”

Newsflash: Just as talking about sex doesn’t make you pregnant, thinking about death and funerals won’t make you dead. And by discussing these touchy topics, you might avoid a world of hurt.

There are plenty of good reasons to have a funeral plan. You can shape your own bon voyage party – certainly your family isn’t going to feel like planning a party after you die. Yet funerals and memorial services have many of the same elements as a wedding – invitation list, clergy, transportation, flowers, etc. In addition, unless you’ve already planned, all the elements must be decided and pulled together in a couple of days, as opposed to months! Take that burden off of those who love you and make some plans.

And when you start making plans, you realize how much funerals cost — they can be as much as a wedding. The current average funeral cost range is $7,500 to $10,000, and that doesn’t include a burial plot. Planning ahead and shopping around before you need it allows you, the consumer, to get the best deal possible, manage those costs, and figure out how you’re going to pay for a funeral.

There’s news today that Walmart’s web site recently started carrying caskets, and Costco.com has carried funeral items such as caskets, urns for people and pets, and sympathy flowers for years. The Federal Trade Commission has a rule that funeral homes must accept a casket from an outside source and not charge extra for it. I’ve comparison shopped for a simple pine box, from an area carpenter and a local funeral home – there was over a $500 difference. How will you know if you don’t look around?

So, here’s my funeral plan: I want a traditional Jewish funeral. No embalming for my body – it will be washed and dressed in white linen burial garments. This will be lovingly done by the Chevre Kadisha, a group of volunteers who ritually cleanse and prepare the bodies of Jews for burial. I’ll be buried in a simple wood coffin in a plot that my husband and I have already purchased in our synagogue’s cemetery. I’d like a funeral at our synagogue, followed by burial at the cemetery, then a nice luncheon at home.

At the funeral, I’d like my haftorah portion from my Bat Mitzvah read aloud: Isaiah 62. A few lines I like: “The nations shall see your righteousness, and all kings your glory. You shall be called by a new name, which the mouth of the Lord will name. You shall also be a crown of glory in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God…”

At home after the burial, I’d like the art I’ve created and the articles and books I’ve written to be on display.

I would hope that my husband would sit shiva for at least three days, a formal period of mourning when the family retreats into their home. Friends and family come to the house, bring food, say prayers, and console the mourners. It’s supposed to be held for a full seven days, but many Jews feel too busy these days to devote the time and allow themselves to be helped by their community.

Sitting shiva is a valuable ritual to follow, to make that transition after the shock of a death in the family, but that’s up to my husband – I won’t be around to make it happen. I’d do it if he died first. My husband did mention to me after his father died that he saw the value in a full week of retreat from the ordinary cares of the world, as we did not do it and we felt the strain.

So, what are your plans? If you’d like some help, check out the online planners at Funeralwise.com. They’ve got some great information and resources.

Tonight was the last night of the 7 day holiday celebrated in Israel called Sukkot. Since I was back in the States during the beginning of it, I missed out on the festivities my flat-mates held at our apartment.

During Sukkot (aka: The Feast of the Tabernacles found in Lev. 23:33-44) Israeli’s are called to remember the time in which the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, with no permanent house dwelling.  The word Sukkot is the plural form of the Hebrew word, Sukka, which means booth or hut, in remembrance of the fragile dwellings the Israelites lived in during these times.

My flat-mate turned our varanda into a sukka, which technically we are supposed to eat and sleep under. I did eat under it (though I eat most of my meals on the varanda), but sleeping out there didn’t quite happen  I think she did a really good job, and I was pleasantly surprised, returning home to see our varanda all “sukkoted out”. (I really don’t think that is a word). hehehe

Happy Last day of Sukkot!

The sky is the limit during Sukkot, as far as creative ideas for a Sukkah, including green/recycling or environmentally friendly ideas.

Here are some Sukkot Environmentally Friendly tips.

When attending a sukkah at a synagogue or loved one’s home, use non-disposable place settings from home, so as not to involve huge disposals of paper plates, plastic ware, etc., being added to a landfill. Include cloth napkins to rewash at home and reuse.

Make chains by decorating and stringing together toilet tissue rolls.

String together empty and rinsed soda cans or bottles.

Soda bottle tops can make a great looking entrance when stringed together…the beaded effect can look quite neat, almost like something from the 1960s.

Egg cartons tied together can make great walls, and so can the sides of broken down cardboard boxes. You can decorate the egg cartons and the cardboard boxes.

Cardboard boxes make good tables, and can be recycled for future use as packing boxes. Any handmade items that you have created can be packed away inside the boxes.

Branches from palm, myrtle or willow trees that you might have growing in your yard make wonderful roofs.

Bottles or glass jars make good candle holders. You can decorate the outside of them, too.

Magazine cutout collages make excellent interior decorations.

Make a chain out of strips of paper glued together, and vary the colors. Add sparkles to them so they catch some light. Small paper plates are also a good substance to decorate and chain together, or hang individually on the walls of the succah.

The roof must be made of organic materials, and if you have an old sheet made of 100% cotton, use it, instead of worrying about the tree branches. Mesh is also a good organic material, as is canvas.

Print small photographs of relatives and or ancestors on environmentally friendly paper, and then string them together across the interior of your Sukkah. Stringing ancestral photos in genealogical order inside the Sukkah is especially fun, and brings a new meaning to your family tree.

Chag Sameach!

Shabbat Shalom!
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© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved – No permission is given or allowed to reuse my photography, book reviews, writings, or my poetry in any form/format without my express written consent/permission.

Friday October 2, 2009 – 14th Tishrei, 5770

The painting above is by Rochelle Blumenfeld, and can be found on Blumenfeld Art.

I originally posted this on October 12th, last year. Each time I read this poem, I truly enjoy it, and it leaves me smiling.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I found this wonderful poem, entitled Rules of the Sukkah, that I think you will enjoy!

Hag Sameach
Rules of the Sukkah

Contributed by Rabbi Arthur E. Gould

You can build it very small
You can build it very tall

You can build it very large
You can build it on a barge

You can build it on a ship
Or on a roof but please don’t slip

You can build it in an alley
You shouldn’t build it in a valley

You can build it on a wagon
You can build it on a dragon

You can make the skakh of wood
Would you, could you, yes you should

Make the skakh from leaves of tree
You shouldn’t bend it at the knee

Build your Sukkah tall or short
No Sukkah is built in the Temple Court

You can build it somewhat soon
You cannot build it in the month of June

If your Sukkah is well made
You’ll have the right amount of shade

You can build it very wide
You can not build it on its side

Build if your name is Jim
Or Bob or Sam or even Tim

Build it if your name is Sue
Do you build it, yes you do!

From the Sukkah you can roam
But you should treat it as your home

You can invite some special guests
Don’t stay in it if there are pests

You can sleep upon some rugs
Don’t you build it where there’s bugs

In the Sukkah you should sit
And eat and drink but never…

If in the Sukkah it should rain
To stay there would be such a pain

And if it should be very cold
Stay there only if you’re bold

So build a Sukkah one and all
Make it large or make it small

Sukkah rules are short and snappy
Enjoy Sukkot, rejoice be happy.

Clip Art from cool clips.
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The earth is a sukkah, if you think about it. Dwellings abound for all forms of life.
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Jew Wishes…Peace to you all.
© Copyright 2007 – All Rights Reserved – No permission is given or allowed to reuse my photography, book reviews, writings, or my poetry in any form/format without my express written consent/permission.

Thursday October 1, 2009 – 13 Tishrei, 5770