Johnnyphlo’s has just announced the release date for his upcoming debut full-length album ‘Basic Strategy’. It’s all set to drop January 19th, 2010, nearly a year after the release of his mini-album ‘The Notebook‘. This time around he’s collaborated with a list of artists that reads like who’s who of all the top Asian American talent.

We’ve been informed that Ailee, Decipher, DJ Zo, EXP (aka Explicit Linez), James Ha, JL, Lyricks, Manifest, Sam Ock, Schoolboy DUKE, Shogunna, and Viruss 44 are all on the album! A couple of the tracks have been released already like ‘One of the Best‘ and ‘‘Too Late‘ but it seems like there’s a lot more to look forward to.

JP is also holding an album release party in NY, so if you’re in the area you can find out more details at his site.

This years fashion tip is layering and at TrendyGolf, you are able to do just that! TrendyGolf are committed to keeping you warm and dry this winter as well as looking Trendy! We have everything you need to keep warm this season from chunky knits to those essential winter accessories. We suggest you follow these 3 simple rules so that you aren’t left out in the cold this winter….

Rule 1 – The Base-layer

This layer helps support, offers comfort and traps body heat to ensure you stay warm!

Rule 2 – The Mid-layer

This layer is worn for added warmth and style!

Rule 3 – The Final-Layer

This layer keeps you dry and protects you from the bad weather!

Visit TrendyGolf to view more stylish knits, outerwear and those essential winter accessories . . . perfect for Christmas!

Chris Wood has been named Sir Henry Cotton Rookie of the Year after his debut season on the European Tour. This talented youngster, who is sponsored by J Lindeberg, has had a great first year and has found himself placed 71st on the Official World Golf Rankings. Wood’s also finished 44th overall in the recent Race To Dubai Championships with earnings of just over €675000 which helped secure the title. The future looks promising for this talented 22 year old and with a brand name such as J Lindeberg backing him, who knows what next season will hold!?

Visit TrendyGolf.com to see the latest J Lindeberg Collection!

TrendyGolf have released a selection of Puma Golf items from their 2010 Collection which includes some stylish polo shirts, trendy shorts and some great looking accessories all of which are available NOW at TrendyGolfusa.com! You can also see some of the world’s top golfers wearing next seasons apparel including Geoff Ogilvy and Rickie Fowler!

Be sure to keep visiting the site for additional Spring 2010 products from Puma Golf and other top brands including J Lindeberg, Ralph Lauren, Dunning, Q’aja Couture and Fred Perry.

Here at TrendyGolf.com, we are giving you the chance to WIN a signed Camilo Villegas J Lindeberg Golf Bag! All you have to do is follow the link below and enter the competition! Good Luck!

TrendyGolf Competition

(All entries must be made by 15th December ‘09)

So, I’m feeling a bit down again at the moment…it happens, it seems on an almost cyclical nature – whenever I don’t have enough work to do, I spend too much time thinking…and then I start to feel myself sinking. This isn’t helped by the silly weather we’re having – it’s supposed to be 32 degrees with no wind, blue skies and perfect ‘lounging by the pool’ weather – instead it’s peeing down, blowing a gale and there’s an iceberg in the pool big enough to sink the Titanic…global warming?!?! They should rename it “Global absolutely-stuffing-the-seasons-up-so-completely-that-you’ve-got-sod-all-chance-of-predicting-the-weather” – that would be a little more accurate me thinks!!

I’m in a strange mood tonight…I spent a few hours at Aunty Kay’s today, visiting her and your cousin JL who’s 6 weeks old. For once my timing was spot on – I arrived just at feeding time, so I got to give her bottle, then burp her (a good few times), mop up the spit, and then sit with her on my shoulder as she fell asleep. I hunkered down in the couch and we sat there for a couple of hours, the three of us dozing (when the poxy dogs weren’t waking us barking at the birds, the wind, the kids next door, people passing in the street, or the phantoms their silly canine minds seem to create whenever they haven’t barked at something for 10 minutes). JL slept on my shoulder, woke and finished her bottle, burped again, dribbled a lot and then kept me occupied by smiling occasionally at the silly faces and noises I was making.

Now I’m not gifted with a good sense of smell…in fact, my nose is pretty much there just for ornamentation purposes – it has a few uses: it stops my thick bushy eyebrows from being mistaken for a moustache…it prevents my eyes from being able to look at each other… it’s something to rest my sunglasses or reading glasses on, it stops the mucus from just oozing out of my face if i have a cold…it’s not really there for smelling things…but here I sit in the office and all I can smell is ‘baby’. There’s a  definite smell and it’s rather pleasant, but as I sit here writing this post while playing three-way email tennis with a work colleague and a client, I can feel myself spiral downwards into a shitty sad sulky mood…I want this smell on my clothes from my baby…not someone else’s little one!

Your mom and I have always had slightly different views on when kids are ‘at their best’….your mom has always loved the baby stage, and said that kids are at their best from birth till they can start answering back. I’ve always disagreed with her, saying kids come into their own when you can start having conversations with them, teaching them things, answering the millions and gazillions of questions, seeing the amazement in their eyes as they see things that seem wonderful and exciting…babies just drink, poo, dribble and cry….but I may be coming round to your mom’s point of view…I’m starting to see the attraction of this little bundle of dribble, the expressions on the chubby little face, the way they looking into your eyes as you hold the bottle, unconsciously holding your fingers with their tiny hands. The way they rest their head on your shoulder and the blinks start getting longer until they’re snoring softly into your neck, their little hand tightly holding the neck of your shirt, making little snuffling sounds in their sleep. There’s something precious about the way they look around, occasionally losing control of their neck muscles resulting in the lurch that 9 times out of 10 leaves you with a sore lip and wondering if the famous ‘Glasgow kiss’ or ‘Hillbrow Headbutt’ is actually a form of human instinctive behaviour.

They have this perfectly soft and delicate skin, these cute little outfits, bright shiny toys and the ability to drool like they’re sponsored. And, as I discovered today, there’s this smell…I don’t know which one it is, but it must be one of the many baby care products that gives it to them, as I’m sure the only 100% natural smells coming from a baby are the two revolving around the sour milk burp and the even less appealing nappy filler! Whatever it is, it’s awesome…so clean and cute and cuddly – who would have thought that a smell could make you think that…maybe Ego or some other deodorant manufacturer needs to come out with a new flavour – Baby Smell – bound to work wonders on the broody/motherly type of women…I can almost see the adverts now…although it quickly descends into breastfeeding and man-size nappies which is not somewhere your mind really wants to wander…so maybe not…although, a bed-bath, copious amounts of nappy-rash cream being liberally applied by a buxom wench…ahhh…lets stop there!!!

So, I’m back to feeling like I did a few weeks ago, I really want to visit Aunty Kay and be around JL as much as possible for the short period of time she’s this tiny bundle of babyness – she’s going to be such a big part of our lives, I want to be there to see it all…but then there’s this ugly part of me deep down that wants to be anywhere else but there – it makes me terribly sad and jealous – I want it to be my child that’s puking on my clean shirt, my baby relying on me to feed and clean them, my kid looking around because it’s recognising mommy’s voice and wants to see where she is. I want to be the one worrying about putting money aside for an education fund, decorating and re-decorating the nursery/kids room as they progress through each new favourite theme, looking for mom’s-and-tots groups, pre-schools, primary schools, sports clubs, etc, etc, etc …and then I start to resent the fact that my younger sister and her husband (who can’t even afford to support themselves – nevermind a baby) are the one who are parents. It’s a shitty feeling to resent someone else’s happiness…especially when it’s a close family member, but that’s how I feel sometimes…and I don’t like myself when I do.

So, I think I’m going to head to bed, take these baby-smelling clothes off, stick them in the wash (maybe I should boil-wash them to ensure I’ve got all the smell out), and sulk myself to sleep…I would hop in the shower as well, but that’ll make your mom all suspicious…she’ll be faking a head-ache, complaining of back-ache, telling me stories of what a busy day she has tomorrow – all before I’ve finished drying myself and I don’t need to put her through that…

可以向他們看齊!!

http://www.jldesign.tv/

Another day wasted, another day to get through… It has been such a drag. My life… my days… everything isn’t the same anymore. I don’t know how long i’ll be like this. I woke up today realising it’s already November. I miss him so much, it’s driving me nuts. I still try to make myself busy, but apparently i’m just not busy enough and not only that, i can’t even function normally. I don’t really see the point in doing things now. For example, working… i’m just not ready to face new people, or most people for that matter. Having to act tough when i’m down is tiring. And i am sick of having to do that all the time. I just move about in a zombie-like state. Empty… hollow… Just a body without its soul.

He’s probably handling it better now whereas i still have sleeping problems. I want sleeping pills. i NEED sleeping pills. So that i can sleep the whole day and night. Just wake up for a few hours then go back to sleep. Wouldn’t that be nice? At least i don’t have to think too much. And fight or endure all these emotions during my waking hours. Sleep hasn’t been too peaceful either, if i were to dream about him. That would just start my day at the wrong side. Not that it has been right, but yea… i meant worse side. And it has been bad enough. 6.01pm now. What am i to do? What happened to ME? The Amal that people used to know. where have i gone to? I’m so not in touch with myself anymore. I don’t even know why i’m feeling really down today. Sigh… Anyway think i’ll stop here. Til next time. xoxo

4.14am. SIGH!!! I CANT SLEEP!!! and i was supposed to wake up at 4.50am coz i have convo rehearsal later where we have to be at ICC by 6.15 am *dead* i don’t think i can even drive in this state. I’m feeling really dizzy. Only had one glass just now but then thought against drinking more as i was scared i couldn’t wake up. Why do i even bother going to the rehearsals? Oh yea, the constant nagging from my friends. But then it wouldn’t matter if i were to not be here anymore right? Anyway i haven’t actually been crying since Friday but just now, i just burst into tears and had some dangerous thoughts. Missing him badly. Sigh. But at least i got past those thoughts and managed to make myself feel numb again. No one to talk to now. Hence my rambling again here. Not many people check out my blog anyway so it’s fine. The art of engraving happened again. Felt somewhat better after that. At least i stopped crying. In fact i am kinda sick of crying. But it’s just so frustrating i still do. Just now in the afternoon i just remembered like why i woke up in the middle of the night yesterday. That was because i dreamt about him. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

And oh, J clicked on me just now. Not much was said i guess. Just the usual catching up on stuff and a bit of what i wanted to let out. He didn’t say much just now. Though after we finished, what he said somewhat lingered in my mind. He said “just hang in there”. Easier said than done. I could have been gone last night. I’m just tired of fighting. Felt so useless and hopeless and the fact that i just can’t seem to get things done right often. I mean, what have i achieved? Not much compared to most people i know.  I am a hindrance, a burden, and someone of no use whatsoever. Sigh. Just have to go through today without another scratch. I don’t know how much longer i can stand having to be in pain. Life is unfair. And i am still lost. Now i have to get a bandage again or something. Need to cover that. 4.25am. Doubt i can sleep now. Might as well do some chores then have my breakfast and get myself ready for convo rehearsal. Gahhh i need sleep. Still not feeling well. Until next time. xoxo

3.19am. Woke up in the middle of the night and i am missing him like crazy. I know i should be sleeping now since i am sick and that i haven’t been sleeping much for the past few days hence why i got sick in the first place. Sigh. I have been using other means to escape temporarily and i have also realised how much more numb i am feeling nowadays. Saw him during the Barracudas game, what great instincts i have which told me to look up the moment he went in through the entrance. Sigh!!! At least Yi Wui was around recently (well until just now in the morning) to make sure i didn’t do anything stupid. So now, i don’t know how it’s going to be. Really just want to talk to him, J i mean. Like the old times but then everything got fucked up so here i am, in that state. The poem in my previous post would tell you in great detail how it has been for me.

And i have a match later tonight just hope i am fit enough to play. My team needs me, there’s only one sub allowed so yeah. On that note, i hope everyone would be present or else we would have to play 3 people throughout the game and i don’t think i can do that in this sick state. My body feels so weak and my shoulders especially are aching badly. 3.29am now. He has his first paper later. I wanted to wish him luck just now but i thought against it as i may just make it worse for him. Why is life so unfair? Why does it have to be this way?? Hmmm i really should try to go back to sleep. Oh i was listening to this song just now, it’s our song, that i didn’t get the chance to sing to him. Anyway, i am starting to get scared as to how far this numbness will take me. Just have to keep a straight mind. Wouldn’t want to do things that i would later regret. Anyway, good night people. And this is just so rare, for me to blog properly here. Just bear with it, there may be more. I have no one to talk to now, everyone is asleep so yeah. At least this is a lot healthier than what i would normally do. I am too sick to cry i guess. And that thing. so yea. Until next time, chao! XOXO

Loving you by Minnie Riperton. This song is for you. Goodnight you. Hopefully you manage to sleep properly tonight…

Wow, I am officially ill again :/
Started off yesterday, headache and coughing, now I am extreme coughing, extreme headache and ultra sneezy and snotty…
I hate being ill, it isnt bad enough being ill almost all summer, but winter too… URGH!
Wish I had somebody special to take care of me…

Been taking some allergy pills and painkillers, hope they make me a bit better, wanna go training today really bad…

Bought some new cool clothes today from WESC/JL today.

There was a neighbourhood market and one guy was selling exclusive stuff, so i got a great deal on a set; jacket, hoodie and trousers, brand new for a great price
Winter clothes, check!

So what is there to do when really ill?
I made a little list!

1. Play video/computer games!
-Right now I am looking around online for some game to download.
CounterStrike looks sorta attractive, never played it before TBH, but I want some shooter where I can just practise my skills…even though Cpunterstrike is a very poor such a game I should think.
I love tactics like stealth when it comes to shooting games. Like Soldier Of Fortune 2, sneak attacks are so satisfying.

2. Write something
- Short stories, sketches, poems…anything really.
You dont know how satisfying a good write is once you actually just sit down and let your fanatsy go wild!
I love writing all sorts of things and I find inspiration and ideas usually come very easily.
Many things come to me in dreams, and I try to note them as soon as I get a chance, who knows maybe they´ll be worth something one day!

3. Make something creative
-Like some art, a movie or maybe some music!
For art, I really recommend buying a pen tablet, like a Bamboo Fun from Wacom, very cheap but very good! Great for making art in photoshop or sketches in for example ArtRage, which is included in every purchase.
Make a movie, like an AMV of some game or anime, or maybe record your own shit Its super fun!
If you wanna make some music, mix together something in for example Fruitloops studio, or remix an existing ong. Like me for example, Im experimenting with reversing music and I have found some really cool new hits

-Best FF8 video ever???
I think so

4. Lay in bed and watch a film.
-I like to lie down and watch Family Guy or American Dad when I have nothing better to do, it is very relaxing and very soothing to just fall asleep even.
Here is a website, where you can watch all Family Guy and American dad streaming for free!

5. Jerk off!

In our apartment building, we are on what they call “Erdgeschoss” or EG (ground level).  The “first floor” is actually one flight of stairs up — what North Americans would consider the second floor.  And basement floors are never considered “1″ like they may be in North America. That’s called “Untergeschoss”, or UG.  I know, right? Try finding your way around a five floor department store when the directory is all in German and there are more letters than numbers on the elevator button panel. I think the boys and I spent twenty minutes just trying to find the bathroom…oh, and that’s called the WC, just to keep the acronym party hoppin’.

Living above us on the, yep…you got it, first floor, is a German-speaking widow named Silvia.  We’ve briefly passed in the hallway a few times and she seems very nice…although I presume anyone would appear nice when Charades is your primary mode of communication.  Earlier this week, we saw each other at the front gate outside and she spent some time playing with the boys.  In a conversation that resembled something between monkey sign-language and Piglatin, Silvia asked me how old the boys were, I said they just turned four this month and she commented that her birthday is also in October, the very next day in fact.  Before I could even think about how I was going to ask her what she was doing for her birthday, she explained that her husband died two years ago of a sudden heart failure during a routine operation after 40 years of marriage (yeah…you don’t even want to know how we got that out of charades), and that birthdays just aren’t the same without him.  She said they never had children and she has no family. I started getting teary just listening to her try and explain something so seriously painful in such basic English. Her eyes were watery when she went on to explain that that is why she was so happy to have us move in…because the boys bring “joy into her soul”. Wow. Something like that makes you feel really small and selfish.

The next day came and I knew we had to do something for her birthday. The boys made a German birthday card (with a little help from our good friend, Google Translator) and I baked a chocolate fudge cake.  With goodies in hand, we marched upstairs to have a party. Jack was a little disappointed at the lack of birthday hats and presents but still did a fantastic job of leading us in a loud and boisterous Happy Birthday as soon as the door opened. At least until the second line of the song, which is precisely when he realized that he was the only one really singing.

Silvia invited us in right away and the boys immediately snooped through every room on the hunt for toys. Imagine their surprise when they found a Nintendo Game Cube tucked under a coffee table in a livingroom full of tchotchkes. I was giggling at the thought of this 60-year-old lady playing a Nintendo Game Cube when my eyes caught a glimpse of a Super Nintendo beside it. And then a Nintendo 64 in behind that!  Just when I was trying to shut out thoughts of comparing this little old lady to a pre-pubescent video game addict, she caught the boys’ excitement over the game consoles and rushed out of the room. A moment later she was back with a Nintendo Wii in hand!  The boys were in gamer heaven.

As J&L maneuvered through a round of German Zelda, Silvia and I conversed over espresso, my wirelessly connected laptop acting as translator between us.  After one too many pieces of chocolate cake, the boys and I started to pack up while she started yammering away in German and looking around the room for something.  She eventually settled on a plastic bag and disappeared into the livingroom. You could have given me a hundred guesses and I’m not sure I would have even come close to figuring out what she was doing with that bag.  As it turns out, she came back with the Nintendo Wii bundled up and handed it to me while going on in German (apparently, 2 hours of struggling through Google Translate wasn’t enough to convince her that I don’t speak a lick of German).  Even now, I have absolutely no idea if she was lending it or giving it to us but we’re going to err on the side of caution and assume she’s lending it.

Although playdates with 60-year-old German widows is nothing short of riveting, the boys started showing some real signs of needing friends here in the “new country”. I thought they were handling it all very well until the other day when Jack suggested that we “go knock on some doors and see if there are any boys there”.  Then yesterday we were walking past a little boy around their age and Liam said “maybe that boy will be Jack & Liam’s friend!”.  I promptly scoured the internet for playgroups and kindergyms, finding an English-speaking support network with a playgroup for today.  We spent all afternoon running, dancing, playing and doing crafts with other English-speaking kids. The moms there were all extremely nice and it seemed too good to be true…is it that easy to meet new friends?

And then the bubble burst. While packing up to leave, I heard the most awful thing.

Coordinator to her husband: “his Crocs are inside your Crocs”.

Oh no you didn’t!!!  Can I really be friends with someone who not only wears those monstrosities but then subjects their innocent child to a pair, as well?

This poem took me a week to edit and a few hours to have it written down on paper (the longest time taken so far to get one done). Not only that, I also kept throwing away the drafts, I think there was like 3 of those. My mind has just been so messed up recently that I had difficulty making the poem sound “beautiful” although the title and content are far from that. Nevertheless, enjoy reading. It’s brutally honest and i think there will be a continuation to this poem i guess. Coz i had to really stop myself from writing and writing and writing. Warning: it’s REALLY long!! 4 pages of Microsoft word. So yea.

I’ve never been in love deeply,

Until you’ve taught me how,

Never met my missing piece,

Until there was you in my life,

T o have been so passionate for someone,

Until you came to my world,

And never known this kind of pain,

Until you left me on my own.

Did you know I was always lost in your eyes?

Yet I was so sure of my place in life,

Did you know how my heart beat for you?

Every minute and second when you were mine,

Did you know that you were everything to me?

And that you were my life,

You poached my heart so deep,

To let you do that; how careless was I?

A wonderful journey we had for the past four moons,

I fell in love with an angel like you,

What we had was amazing despite the rough times,

Yet in the end everything vanished,

And in my heart and soul this pain resides,

Your exit threw me back to darkness,

That I took forever to get out,

Engulfed with madness again am I.

Do you know how much you’re hurting me?

To have someone so dear to you taken away,

You wouldn’t understand that pain,

Unlike I who have suffered grief,

I once told myself this must never happen,

To love so much only to have you stolen,

I promised myself that, after She left,

So now I’ve to ensure I stay alive.

Do you even care if I’m in pain?

Or do you brush me off from your mind all day?

Thrown off the path I am by your absence,

I’ve lost my sense of purpose and direction,

I need to hold on,

To whatever I can find,

Before I lose to darkness and pain,

Going that road I do not want.

Let me tell you this my love,

I’m so transparent you can see that I’m broken,

Shattered into pieces I am,

Like a glass menagerie ‘twas smashed repeatedly,

Dropped into a never ending pit,

I seem to continue falling, when am I going to stop?

Though when it ends, so as the chapter of my life,

As I would then be six feet under.

Only Lord knows how much in pain I’m in now,

I’ve to fight for life everyday since 28^th last,

“Live Amal, get through today alive” I’d say,

Every time I wake up from my temporary escape,

How I wish at times I can sleep for weeks and weeks,

So that I’d heal myself without having to feel anything,

Without all the crying and hurting that I’ve to do,

Just so to get rid of this hollow feeling.

Your silence makes me weak,

So unbearable this pain I’m feeling,

You have her to motivate you,

Whereas for me, I have nothing to lose,

Except my sanity to name a few,

I’m trying my best to be strong since then,

How I wish things were different,

And that it doesn’t have to end.

Yet again how foolish was I to believe and hope,

I had faith in you, since that was what you asked,

Never in my entire life have I fallen dangerously deep,

For someone that I trusted to keep my heart,

But in vain all the promises, thrown down the drain,

I know you had no choice; I’m trying to understand,

But has it ever even occurred to you?

That this is unfair for me too?!

I am now on my own,

I used to not mind,

But things have changed, and so as I,

I’ve found someone who was so dear to me,

That the parting is excruciatingly painful,

Life has been sucked out of me,

I don’t know if I can stand,

As in this turmoil now I am.

There are so many words I’ve yet to say,

To express this torment that you’ve put me through,

Oh how I just wish I can hate you!

Would have then been easier but I still love you,

Enough tears and blood have already been shed,

But I can’t seem to stop myself yet,

See how much power you have over me!

How my heart trembles writing this to thee.

Let this journey be a lesson for me to learn,

Don’t love so much or I’ll get hurt,

I’ve never regretted loving you that’s for sure,

I just hate that we’re separated forever,

I was willing to fight but you did not,

So that’s the end, and there’s no hope,

I must win this battle before this eats me up,

But what if all I want is you in my life?

[Finished editing today, 20th October 2009. PS: My longest poem as to date]

Ok i don’t normally do this but i have been listening to this song a lot lately. If you are reading this, on which i doubt anyway, this one is for you. You know who you are.

In celebration of the upcoming Green Lantern, an article has been written, a trailer has been created, and a film poster has arrived (at my own hand.) This is just a little something I like to do whenever I get excited about upcoming films, usually if I like the result, I upload it, if not.. It lurks in the deepest darkest corners of my everlasting hard-drive. Oh well. For full view, click here.