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and nows it time to return to the Tottenham years to December 8th 1994 and the day that ted and his mate jock came for a cup of tea on the day my pussy got stuck up the Christmas tree dynnargh.welclome falite croeso

id not been in London and at the time I thought living in the big city with all that night life and men and the chance to make something of ones self in stead of beening on the dole how I hated it ,anmy way id just started putting up the tree and the stand broke so being resorcefull as I am I thought id stick it in a red bucket and lodge some thing in side the bucket to stop it falling over that’s the trouble once you got it up its getting it to stop up as I put the fairy lights on it as I plugged them in well I bejiggerd they don’t work so it took ages and ages to take all the light shades of and scew the baulbs in and of cource it had to be the last one which was at the top of the tree so I hadf to stand on the old poof I had a red one with a wonky leg and the lights came on so all the shades had to be put on before I could finesh trimming the tree with some large red balls and some red and green large bells wich I had to get them on like the clappers as one knew that ted was coming around with his mate jock and I was strapped for time .as it was nearly 3pm and everythink stopps for tea .so I gatherd up the rest of the Christmas trimming and put them in the box,and proceeded to go into the bedroom to put my face on and a bit of red lippy as I looked in the looking glass with a bit of French almond down my top oh that will do I thought as the old door bell rung a couple of times .as I went down the stares after opening the door .as I opened the main door there was ted with this guy in his check shirt thing with like a dead animall on the frount of it as I thought I hope my pussy don’t see that furry think or he will think its a cat ,come on it gentall men as ted and jock went up the stares go through .as I went into the kitchen to put the kettle on boy that was a tight fit ted came in so ted mug or cup and reamember you broke the handle of one of my best ones with the hand painted flowers on it from town rows in Braintree .there a very posh shop in the town where the upper class toffs go to buy there wears .so ted said sorry about that in view of that ted you can have the orange melawear set you and jock as it plastic it wont break ,I think so he said the old kettle boiled on the electric ring heres the tray ted you can take it in for me as it put it on the table I brought the tea pot in it was a large pot from the 19702 with brown and orange flowers from that store st micheals in Chelmsford .so jocky said wheres your pussy ive heard so mush about it ,good thinks I hope I said well its funny you should say that I haven’t seen my pussy all morning as I ve been so busy doing the Christmas tree so ted said what big balls you have how do you get them to hang right very well hung ,I beg your pardon you filthy beast so jocky said have you all ways had big balls on your tree and I see you have big bells so I said well im just waitng for a bearded hunk to give me a clang some time ,then ted side its your tree its wobberling about what does you mean I said ?look is that you r pussy in there look over there up the top ?big boy what are you doing in there your a bad bad pussy but I still want you around get down big boy .as the tree started to move about as jock was sitting on the chair my pussy came out after spying the furry hand bag thing as I was just saying to jock do you want a saucer of milk for your furry thing and was sitting by jockys chair and jumed on his lap the tea and after knocking of all my balls and some was broken on the floor and my big boy was spitting at the furry thing and clawing it I say ted ted your big boy pussy well have to get him off as jockys said your pussy killed my sporen oh what we going to do ?so ted said well have to try and get hold of your pussy ill get the back and you get the biteting end oh thanks very muchany way as we tred to grap hold of my pussy the sporen undid its self from jocky  frount of his kilt and shot off at high speed across the floor .as jocky sat there wet well ted hell have to get his kilt off .you got pants on I take it jocky I said ?eye good get your kilt off and we dry it by the fire as he took off his kilt talk about things going bumb in the day and to cap it all he had the nessy lockland monster on the frount of his y frounts with a nessy on themso ted said where did you get them big boy oh jock said my mother made it and stiched it on and who did the flowers I said sarcastically was it yoyr dad oh no my aunt all of a sudden he put his hand inside his y frounts and pulled out a marathon bar ,oh that’s better he said what a strange place to keep a marathon bar si jocky said oh I like it there cos it gets soft I like my nuts soft  facsey I said as ted sniggerd so oft I went to find the sporren it was on the floor of the bedroom but the eyes that was on the nessy had gone .so I said big boy what have you done with jockys  eyes of his nessy bad pussy as I went back into the living room I gave the sporren back to jocky oh he said the eyes have gone on my pants I said I didn’t think you wore them I thought you was known as the devils in skirts  its no good youll have to take them off no not here go into the bathroom ted theres a towel in the airing cupboard you can wrap that around your self  while we look for your balls so do you know nessy have you met him ?no said jocky  a few mins later they came back ted and jocky  what were thay like I said oh he said two blue balls oh dear I said I haven’t got blue balls im afraid will 2 blue buttons do ?  256 more words


141. Stepping Out

“I’m knocking.”
Giz another card, lad.”
“Here you go, Stan.”
“Fuck. I’m knocking too.”
“I’m not. What about that lot?”
The slap of dog-eared playing cards and the slurp of tea. 1,420 more words

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