Most of my life I have been in a pretty good mood. I always try to see the bright side of life and even in times of strife, there is usually a tinge of happiness to be found. Call it optimism or call it stupidity, I call it a survival mechanism. But even us “glass half full of beer” people can have moments of “fuck my life”. (That’s my new exclamation. Like it?) Here are some resent MRAAHHH’s!

I love NPR. For those who don’t know what NPR is, it stands for News…ahem…National Public Radio and most liberal arts universities have a relay for it on their campus. I particularly enjoy the evening program, “All Things Considered” which along with news, they have stories on topics rarely discussed in the crap we call news on TV. You can be driving in the most desolate areas of the country but in mind, you are in a hospital far off in the Congo or a kitchen in south Bronx listening to a 15 year old girl who raises all her siblings in the midst of gang violence. This program allows us to understand what many choose not to.

But there is a segment that makes me want to jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge abutment. It is when they allow authors and poets to read their own work. People who write shouldn’t be allowed to read their stuff, especially those who All Things Consider’s, well, consider. You wouldn’t want Stephen King narrating his stories, would you? He’s as close to a human beaver as it comes.

A particular poet/reader had me fidgeting like a day three meth-trip. She spoke so softly I had the radio volume turned all the way up as she over enunciates every single word. I could only liken this to a woman trying to teach a deaf person to read lips by repeating “EGG! MC! MUF FFFF FFF IN!” This made my patients dip so low I took a huge swig of my boiling coffee, completely forgetting I just bought it and still, as I type, I taste only cardboard. Oh! I forgot, you could hear her nose whistle come through loud and clear. Fuck my life!

I know this is petty but still, given the choice between listen to a smug poet read her work from the next room of a recording booth or having a fat guy eat an apple out of anger over a megaphone in a small bathroom, I would choose the latter.

Text messaging is a great invention. Those of you who read this and actually know me in “real life” know that I abuse texting. To me, it is to the point and it leaves out opportunities to be stuck in a conversation about how someone’s dog ate blueberries from the kitchen table and shit a Jackson Pollock on the living room carpet. But there also is a time and place.

Recently I went out to dinner with a friend. She’s a good person but she is also one of those people who have little regard for other people. I guess everything has come easy to her and it doesn’t occur to her that there are other people on the planet. I tolerate her.

Well, about halfway through dinner she gets into a texting battle that lasts the rest of the meal. My phone went off at least six times but I would never think of that disruption at dinner. She just didn’t get that when two people are at dinner and one is on the phone, that makes the other feel bad. And look bad. By the time she was done I had drunk two shots, had three beers and spelled “suck my ass” in peas upside down on my plate of Pad Tai. Like I said, she can’t help being who she is. That’s why I tolerate her.

Nonverbal facial gestures with eyebrows from someone I don’t know makes me want to reply with nonverbal hand gestures with my middle fingers. I was next in line at the bagel shop and when it was my turn the tattooed, pierced, blue haired dude gave me an eyebrow gesture as if to say, “You are next retard”. I didn’t thank him after the transaction. Showed him. Wait a minute…he didn’t thank me!

Got my car totally fixed! But in the waiting room I had to watch “The View” on their TV. Don’t even get me started and don’t get me wrong, I am all about women and 100% equality but this show actually removed very important brain cells. When the mechanic was finished he asked for a form of payment and I responded, “Yes. Have some.”

If this makes some people angry, I am sorry. I just lied to you. I’m not and I don’t care. Whoopie needed to stay in the 1980’s. I am still disappointed in Ted Danson because that’s gross, man. That officially killed Cheers.

It just hit me that I am a 31 year old guy, living by myself with a cat in Idaho. I am Jon Arbuckle. Fuck my life.

*Back on track with the Fall theme tomorrow folks! I’ll be in a better mood by then. *

I just came across a site called Garfield Minus Garfield. What they’ve done is remove Garfield from his own strips. Maybe it would be best to let them tell you exactly what they did and why:

Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.

You should check it out on your own, but here’s an example:

I am beginning to identify with Jon Arbuckle like you wouldn’t believe. We’re almost to the peas and carrots stage. And, I’ve just found that he has his own Wikipedia page; here’s a fact pulled straight from the article: “He has even been classified in his high school yearbook as “Most likely to date a kitchen appliance”, given that no one else will remain on a date with him.” These people are shameless. And heartless.

If I were to date a kitchen appliance, I think I would go for the coffee pot. Not the maker, just the pot.

Happy 31st Birthday Garfield!

One of my favorite internet cartoons is Garfield Minus Garfield, which you had to have heard of by now. If you somehow havent’, and if the title doesn’t explain itself, then…

“Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quite American suburb.” That’s how the site describes him, and it’s a brilliant study, or alternate take on a beloved classic.

I’m not against the idea of remixes or mash ups or anything like that in theory. Sometimes they’re good. Sometimes they’re brilliant. Sometimes they’re smelly fountains of crap. But I feel that sometimes – and the keyword here is obviously sometimes – they can be an amazingly interesting new form of exploring art. A new art of their own.

Recently I discovered the works of two guys named Jan Van den Hemel and Andrew Hussie who’ve done some work re-editing and creating something new out of old episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. By basically taking bits of pieces from throughout the show and remixing them into something new, they’ve created a kind of hilarious and filthy new thing. It’s the Sealab 2021 or The Grey Album treatment and it’s… just perfect. The episodes are short, most just over a minute but none longer than four minutes, and there’s about 25 or so of them now. If you watch them all, there’s kind of a contuing story, when the edit series cares about it, but usually, it doesn’t. Here’s just a few of my favorites to brighten your day, starting with episode 9, “A Fistful Of Explosions.”

And then episode 10, “It’s Not Lupus.”

And episode 12, “Bridge Buffoonery.”

And last, but not least, of what I’d like to share with you, episode 15, “That Jean-Luc Picard.” I hope you enjoy and if you need more of a chuckle, I’d check the edits’ creator’s websites or their youtube page for more of the videos.

garfield minus garfield

There’s a cool website out there called Garfield Minus Garfield, which takes Garfield out of his eponymous uncool strip.  The orginal is by Jim Davis; the reinvention is by Dan Walsh.  Sample:

It's like my life, except I don't have a cat... but neither does he...

 So I started thinking… since Garfield was unemployed, what if he took on roles in other comic strips?

(NOTE: I planned on making more, but these were quite timing comsuming for a lazy person like me.)

(Original source comics after jump)

via garfield minus garfield

A little bit about garfield minus garfield and why it’s so cool…

Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.

via garfield minus garfield

via garfield minus garfield

garfield minus garfield

garfield minus garfield

I didn’t realize how profound (and sad, heh)  this comic was until you remove Garfield from the equation. I believe the site has been around for a while.  The single man with a cat (or in this case without) is biz-arre.

garfield minus garfield

Created by a guy called Dan Walsh (aka Travors), Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to “removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle”.

Jon was already a very sad character when Garfield was around in the comic strips. Without Garfield, it’s a hundred times worse for the poor guy who takes comfort in talking to his pet cat and dog.

Here’s a sample take from the site:

BTW, the original creator of Garfield, Jim Davis, approves of this. Hence this is no pirated nonsense that incur the wrath of the copyright owner.

Technorati Tags: garfield minus garfield, garfield, without garfield, jon arbuckle, jim davis, travors, dan walsh, comic strips, garfield spoof

]]> http://tehawesomestory.wordpress.com/2008/09/12/sad-bunny-slippers/ Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:22:35 +0000 Mr. Bitterness http://tehawesomestory.wordpress.com/2008/09/12/sad-bunny-slippers/

garfield minus garfield

From today’s Garfield Minus Garfield:

garfield minus garfield

garfield minus garfield

Hard to explain Garfield Minus Garfied, so here’s the description from their site:

Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.

garfield minus garfield