The Anaheim Ducks are in last place in the entire Western Conference. It’s early in the season, sure, but they’ve played 19 games — roughly a quarter of their season — and currently sit right next to Minnesota, below Nashville, Phoenix, and waaaay below upstart Colorado, all teams which really can’t compare to the Ducks in terms of total talent on paper. Denial is a powerful force, and the Ducks were at the end of an East-coast road trip last night, but I’ve watched Anaheim play five times this season and in every game they’ve been completely disorganized defensively, their penalty killing — a discipline that doesn’t even require talent so much as effort and coaching — has been deplorable, they’ve taken constant lazy penalties (Getzlaf barely even moved his feet last night), and for the most part, have appeared content to rely on their giant dudes’ giantness to just somehow result in enough down-low cycling to generate enough goals and possession to result in wins. It hasn’t.

This puts the Ducks in an extremely unenviable position, and one with which us Pens fans were all too familiar a season ago: They probably have to fire their coach. The extenuating problem in the Ducks’ case, however, is that Randy Carlyle already coached their team to a Stanley Cup victory and has kept them competitive every season in his tenure, including a first-round upset victory over the Sharks in last year’s playoffs. The Pens had a hard enough time firing Michel Therrien after he lead the team to a Finals appearance (and an equally improbable playoff berth the year before), and now the Ducks are supposed to turn on a coach who’s been nothing but effective since the day he arrived? AND the team’s formerly-suspended owner Henry Samueli was just re-instated by the NHL; how would it look if his first major act after his reinstatement was cutting loose the most successful coach in the team’s history?

For these reasons, I don’t expect the Ducks to fire Carlyle any time soon, but honestly, which scenario is more likely:

1) Despite keeping the same players and coaches, the Ducks miraculously start caring, playing great defense, solving their penalty kill, and make a run in the West.

2) The Ducks’ talented bunch continues their malaise, their front office continues to weather questions about Carlyle’s job security and Scott Niedermayer trade rumors, and no action is taken until they’re even more buried in an extremely rough conference.

Maybe it’ll take a 35-1 loss to the Maple Leafs for the Ducks’ GM to ultimately pull the trigger on a coaching change, but right now, it’s just impossible to watch Anaheim play and not believe Randy Carlyle has fallen into the sad but true “do we really have to fire this coach we love?” NHL state. I’m sure he’ll get a job with another team and have success in the future, but unless he’s secretly Lindy Ruff wearing a Mission Impossible rubber mask, he’s hit the inevitable NHL coach wall.

As for the Pens’ 5-2 victory, it was nice to see Jordan Staal get on the board, Deryk Engelland and the WBS defensive corps continue to perform as non-liabilities and occasional defensive sparks, Fleury played pretty well, and despite a few lazy defensive breakdowns brought upon by the Ducks’ lack of effort lulling the Pens into a false sense of security, the Penguins had this game in hand from the first period on.

And, lo and behold, the Pens even scored a power play goal, improving their PP to 1 for [ERROR: NUMBER TOO HIGH TO DEFINE] over the past month.

Go here for epic Pens wins.

Two times I have gone to the Sharp Edge Beer Emporium in Friendship to take in a Pens game with friends, and two times I have been rewarded with excellent hockey.  Both times the games have been in November.  The similarities could go on forever, but the fact is when you drink good beer with good friends good things happen.

On my first visit to the Sharpedge I took in the rematch of the Stanley Cup Final, which resulted in an epic finish for the Pens and Jordan Staal.

via YouTube (vimike77)

Saturday night it was a battle between two top Eastern Conference teams that could meet in the playoffs.  If the games are anything like this, it may rival the second round series versus the Caps for awesomeness.

via YouTube (AGreatDayForHockey87)

So if you are in the burgh and want to take in a Pens game somewhere other than your living room or Mellon Arena.  I suggest the Sharp Edge.

Sorry, but not much else (than what already has been said) needs to be said about the Yankees defeating the Phillies in the 2009 World Series.  The Yankees had the best PECOTA projections in the preseason, which led me to correctly pick them to win the World Series (meanwhile, we’ll forget about the Mets pick).  They had the best on-base percentage, slugging percentage and OPS (and the second-best batting average) in the league in the regular season.  Couple that with above-average team pitching, and you had the best record in the MLB.  Sure, the Phillies were a darn good team, but they weren’t the best in the league.  The better team won this series, and did so with a more balanced starting lineup and more reliable pitching (it helps that Charlie Manuel made the series’ worst decision by not starting Cliff Lee in Game 4 and instead putting Joe Blanton on the rubber).

As I briefly mentioned after the NLCS, the Phillies became the fourth team this calendar year to repeat as conference champions.  The other three teams won just one league championship each in those two years.

The frequence repeats have happened before.  As I mentioned during the summer, there were five instances of multiple of championship rematches (in 1952-53, 1955-56, 1957-58, 1968-69 and 1977-78) in one year, including the year of 1958, which featured three championship rematches.  The NFL was the only one of the four major U.S. sports leagues that didn’t have a championship rematch, and they were and still are just fine with that, considering how the 1958 NFL Championship Game went down.

I’ll do a bit of research to figure out exactly how many times at least four teams repeated as conference champions in a calendar year.  Note that the AL and NL are considered conferences in this discussion.  Hopefully, I’ll post my findings soon.  I have that and the BCS computers analysis to finish up soon.

Anyways, here’s a reminder of the four teams who repeated as conference champions in 2009:

Detroit Red Wings (2008 Stanley Cup Champions, 2009 Western Conference Champions)
The Red Wings exchanged three wins with overtime/shootout losses in the 2008-09 season.  Detroit finished 54-21-7 with 115 points in 2007-08, dominating the Western Conference en route to the top seed.  The Wings then finished 51-21-10 with 112 points as the Western Conference second seed in 2008-09.  The difference for the Red Wings truly came in the Stanley Cup Finals.  In the 2008 NHL Playoffs, the Red Wings swept the semis and conference finals, and lost just four games en route to the 2008 Stanley Cup.  The Pittsburgh Penguins were simply outmatched then, as they couldn’t handle the depth and execution of the mighty Wings.  (Seriously, I can’t remember seeing better passing in the NHL then I did with the Red Wings in the 2008 NHL Playoffs.)  However, in the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals, the tough-minded Penguins weathered the Detroit storm.  The Red Wings may have been the better team, thanks to another year of amazing depth and execution, but Pittsburgh put up a much tougher battle the second time around and won the 2009 Stanley Cup in a classic seven-game series.

Los Angeles Lakers (2008 Western Conference Champions, 2009 NBA Finals Champions)
In the preseason, the 2007-08 season didn’t look like a championship season for the Lakers.  The Lakers did start well, though, thanks to Andrew Bynum.  Bynum got injured, so the Lakers pulled off one of the greatest trades in recent NBA history, acquiring Pau Gasol from the Memphis Grizzlies.  From that moment on, Los Angeles put the pressure on the rest of the Western Conference, virtually forcing the hands of the Mavericks and Suns.  Dallas traded a much younger point guard in Devin Harris for Jason Kidd.  Meanwhile, Phoenix traded for Shaquille O’Neal, who didn’t fit the run-and-gun, fast-paced style of Mike D’Antoni’s offense.  Both Mavs and Suns were dropped in five games in the first round of the 2008 NBA Playoffs, while the Lakers were never truly challenged en route to the Western Conference title.  Unfortunately, the Lakers had to go up against the Big Three and the Boston Celtics.  The Lakers lost in six, and lost horribly in Game 6, 131-92.  One year later, the Lakers had Bynum back and Gasol broken in, so they dominated both the regular season and playoffs.  Kobe Bryant put on a classic playoff run, built by swagger and determination, and beat the Magic in six to earn his first NBA Finals Championship without his big bro in crime, Shaquille O’Neal.

Philadelphia Phillies (2008 World Series Champions, 2009 National League Champions)
The Phillies, a franchise long hindered by excessive losing, finally got rewarded for building a strong team.  The Phillies entered the 2008 MLB season with 10023 regular season losses in franchise history, the most in U.S. sports history.  Still, they had one of the most impressive home-grown young nuclei in the league, if not the most impressive.  Chase Utley (2000 1st round), Cole Hamels (2002 1st round), Jimmy Rollins (1996 2nd round) and Ryan Howard (2001 5th round) all were drafted by Philly, and became stars in 2008.  Add in 2008 additions Pedro Feliz, Joe Blanton and Brad Lidge, and the Phillies were ready to contend.  Whether you think the competition was weak and simply not ready to contend against the peaking Phils or not, the fact is that Philadelphia took championship form and earned their success.  Finally the city and the franchise was lifting from a loser’s curse, winning the 2008 World Series.  Harry Kalas spent 28 years waiting for another championship, and it was great to hear him call the final strike of the 2008 championship season.  Unfortunately, Kalas passed away in April, and we all know what just happened in the 2009 World Series.

Pittsburgh Penguins (2008 Eastern Conference Champions, 2009 Stanley Cup Champions)
Speaking of young nuclei, the Penguins may have the best young nucleus in all of sports.  Centermen Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin and Jordan Staal led the Pens, and should continue to do so for years.  The big three, spearheading a very talented team, finally broke out in the postseason in 2008.  The second-seeded Penguins lost just two games en route to the 2008 Eastern Conference Championship.  Of course, they ran into the Wings in the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals.  To make matters worse, the Pens struggled in the first half of the 2008-09 season.  On February 18, 2009, Pittsburgh stood at 27-25-5 and five points out of the playoffs.  However, the Pens eventually made one of the biggest turnarounds in league history, and then made a remarkable playoff run as the fourth seed in the Eastern Conference (they earned the fourth seed on the last day of the regular season).  New additions Chris Kunitz and Bill Guerin helped in a big way, while intertim head coach Dan Bylsma sparked a hidden determination.  Pascal Dupuis, Brooks Orpik, Sergei Gonchar and Maxime Talbot, among others, provided great support for the young stud centers and the new additions.  Somehow, Pittsburgh weathered two classic seven-game series, the Eastern Conference Semifinals and Stanley Cup Finals, en route to the 2009 Cup victory.

The Pittsburgh Penguins are off to a 12-3-0 start, and are ripping through the NHL’s Eastern Conference.  This comes despite a slow start for captain Sidney Crosby (by his elite standards) and an injury to superstar centre Evgeni Malkin. What’s keeping the Pens so loose and on top of their game? I believe we’ve found the answer here at DKM, and it’s their remarkable team chemistry.  This team of young guns is growing up together. We got a recent look at their interactions after a recent team practice.

Sidney Crosby: Whew, good job so far boys.  If we keep working hard and improving every day, we’ll be drinking from that cup again in no time.

(Sid gets bowled over by a large shape)

Jordan Staal: WOOOO who said we’re drinkin’ boys?! We gettin’ fuuuucked up tonight!! (helps Sid back to feet) Sorry ’bout that bro.  But the thought of getting wasted and fuckin’ fat bitches gets me way too jacked.

Crosby: It’s okay Jordan.  Just try to be more careful next time okay? And I don’t think I can go out tonight anyways…

Staal: You fuckin’ pussy! Why the fuck not bro?

Crosby: Well… Mario and Natalie are going to dinner tonight and they want me to stay home and watch the kids.  Plus, Coach says I need to lead by example and step my game up.

Staal: (waits 3 seconds).. bahhhhhhhhahahahahaha Good one Sid! Fuck that shit! Party at Mario’s house tonight boys!!  I’ll bring some tall boys, Geno can bring the vodka, Flower can bring his little pussy martini mix shit.

(door opens slowly)

Marc-Andre Fleury: Eh you guys, leave me hout of your arguments, hokay?  I just like dem drinks.

Crosby: Oh, we’re sorry Marc-Andre.  Sincerely. I don’t think Staalsy meant to offend you, right Jordan?

Staal: Fuckin’ right I did! Everything about you screams pussy, Flower.  Your looks, your nickname, and your favourite drinks. I gotta make you a man! Come here, lemme shove your goalstick up your ass (chases Fleury around room.  Fleury escapes down the hall)

Crosby: Now Jordan, we can’t be acting like that! Let’s try to be mature here and leave Marc-Andre alone. We need him to play well. It takes a total team effort night in and night out, working hard, giving 110%, and it all begins in net.

Staal: (giving up on chase) Fuck.. you.. Sid.  Seriously, I just wanted to have a little fun with Flower. And there you go again getting all captainish on me. Have some sac dude.

(door flies open, as another large shape shoulder-barges through)

Evgeni Malkin: Oh, hey guys.

Staal: GENO!!! The fuck is up buddy!?  Party at Sid’s tonight!!

Geno: Don’t bullshit me.

Crosby: He is lying Geno.  I’m babysitting for Mario and Natalie, so no parties anymore.  I got grounded for you guys doing that last week, so I’m not dealing with that again.

Staal: Pussy.

Crosby: Hey, Geno.  Why did you shoulder-barge through that door?  Shouldn’t you be watching that injury?

Geno: I watch the injury night in and night out! It’s better than most, so I test it against doorframe, and shoulder wins.  I try finding two doors next time, and I kill them both.

Staal: That’s what the fuck I’m talkin’ about!  Let’s go get fucked Geno.

Crosby: Now Geno, you could seriously re-injure yourself doing that.  Don’t be reckless.  We need everyone giving 110% in order to be successful.  How do you expect to repe–

Staal: We need to get 110% fucked up tonight, I can tell you that much.

Geno: I like the party style of Jordan.  Let’s get the vodka to flow.

Crosby: Geno, make sure you’re thinking out your decisions.

Geno: I have that done.  Drink with Jordan.  Get the sex with ladies.  Come back to the game from shoulder pain and “rock the shit,” as Jordan says.

Staal: That’s by boy Geno! Let’s go get that bitch Flower so we have an innocent-looking French pussy to lure in the sluts  (fist pounds Geno).  See you at Mario’s Sid!

Crosby: Guys! No!! Please don’t do that again!! (Geno and Staal walk out, leaving Sid alone) Darn. I’m going to be in such trouble again. But at least I talked to a girl last time. Maybe I’ll get a number tonight!

Staal: (from a distance) I fucking heard that buddy!! THAT is the fucking attitude! Let’s get fuckked!

Tonight I will be giving live updates of the game on this site.  Remember it’s at 7 PM on CBC.

The Battle of Pennsylvania, taking place in The City of Brotherly Love. Blahblahblah.

First Period.

Power play, no time wasting here, Gonchar to Malkin and then …

1-0

Then Malkin was accused of two of the most confusing penalty calls I’ve seen in all my hockey watching years, leaving everyone like this:

Danny scored a little while after that. Meh. Tie game.

Next face-off, Malkin and Staal are out there together. Malkin pulls out some key moves, dishes the puck to Staal and then …

BAM. 2-1

And then well, you know.  When you see Fleury doing this:

It normally leads to this:

At least it didn't go in.

Second Period.

Penalty Kill, Cookie breaks his stick, then tried to recover by blocking a shot like fucking Superman, block takes a bad bounce and …

boo. 2-2

Danny scores. Wah.

Later: Penguins catch Philly on a horrid line change, power play, Billy G decides to take a shot at it. Scores. 3-2

Penguins take a bunch of penalties, and just when you’ve started to get a little pissed off…

BANG. 4-2

Coburn inexplicably throws the puck at his own net. Ray Emery wasn’t even looking, Goligoski gets credit for the goal.

Toward the end of the period, Crosby trips Hartnell.
Then Staal chases Timonen. Then he slashes Timonen.
Never mind the Timonen interference on Staal that started that whole thing.
Flyers score on the 5-on-3.
4-3

Third Period.

Pens looked lazy at the beginning, Philly was out shooting and hitting them. Malkin wakes up the Penguins by running over everyone. Malkin is my hero.

Kennedy taps it into the Flyers zone.
Matt Cooke gets the puck.
Teddy all alone in front.

Thank you, Mr. President: 5-3

Great play all around.

Towards the end of the third, a few penalties are called on both sides. At one point, the Penguins had a 5-3. Couldn’t connect.

Then, Philly pulls Emery.
Jeff Carter puts one in the back of the net with 41 seconds to go. What a shot.
5-4

0.15 seconds left to go.
All hell breaks loose.
Richards runs over MAF.
Hartnell decides to taste Le Swoon’s finger.
Flyers Fail.

Final Score: 5-4. Pens win.

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DEFENSEMEN

Who’s Out: Randy Jones (Cleared Waivers, Sent to Phantoms), Andrew Alberts (Carolina Hurricanes

Who’s In: Ole-Kristian Tollefsen (Free Agent), Danny Syvret (Free Agent, Phantom Call-Up), Chris Pronger (Trade w/Anaheim Ducks)

Who Will Shine: Braydon Coburn, Defenseman

Coburn is set to break out this season

• When the Flyers acquired Chris Pronger this off-season, the whole city of Philadelphia was overcome with excitement.  However, the excitement amongst the fans, management, and even some players was unmatched by the thrill that Braydon Coburn had about the addition.  In interviews after Pronger became a Flyer, Coburn was grinning ear-to-ear, claiming that he had posters of the former NHL MVP, All-Star, and Norris Trophy winner on his wall as a kid growing up.  Whether Coburn’s statement was true or false, one thing is for certain: Pronger will prove to be a vital mentor to Coburn as he enters the blossoming point in his career.  At twenty-four years of age, Coburn has a ton of years in front of him at the NHL level.  He will spend at least the next four years under Pronger’s mentorship, something that will be extremely beneficial to the young defenseman.  Last season, Coburn was very dependable on the blue-line for the Flyers, as he suited up for 80 games on the year, while tallying 28 points (7 G, 21 A) in the process.  This year, Coburn will likely see a regular shift alongside a future Hall of Famer throughout the course of the season, as early assumptions are that he is to be paired with Chris Pronger on the team’s second defensive unit.  With Pronger, on top of Kimmo Timonen and Ryan Parent, the Flyers have four defensemen that are more than capable of eating up 25-30 minutes of ice-time a night, something that will prove extremely vital to the teams’ success.  The last time Coburn saw regular defensive shifts with an All-Star defenseman at the NHL level was in ‘07-’08, when he was paired with Kimmo Timonen.  The result?  A career year for #5, tallying an astounding 36 points on 9 goals and 27 assists.  Expect a year similar to the one Coburn had two years ago with Pronger at his side this year.  Another reason why Coburn will likely break out is that the pressure to be perfect on the ice won’t be lingering over his head on every play.  Last year, I think Coburn really tried too hard to replicate his 2007-2008 season, and felt himself getting away from his game a little bit.  This year, he can afford to take chances, because Chris Pronger can – and will – be there in the event of an emergency.  Coburn has shown flashes throughout his brief Flyers career of being the tall (6′5”) and wide (220 lbs) puck-moving, offensive-defenseman that the Flyers have been so eager to find.  Look for Coburn to really come into his own during 2009-2010.

Who To Keep An Eye On: Danny Syvret, Defenseman

Syvret's play will elevate as a full-time Flyer

• In 2009-2010, stability and security will be the two main themes surrounding Syvret.  A restricted free agent well into this off-season, the Flyers finally inked him up during the dog days of summer with what opened many eyes around the organization: an NHL contract.  By signing an NHL deal with the Flyers as opposed to a two-way deal, Syvret was guaranteed one thing: he would be on the Big Club come October 2nd.  Since the deal, Syvret has done nothing but make the Flyers look like geniuses.  Although one pre-season game remains tonight, Syvret has handled himself exceptionally well thus-far during the Flyers season tune-ups.  In fact he’s played so well that the Flyers have decided to Waive one of the their top six defensemen from last year in Randy Jones to make room for Syvret to put on an NHL sweater.  Based on what I’ve heard and read, it seems that Syvret is in quite a dog fight with the Flyers’ other free-agent defensive acquisition this summer – Ole-Kristian Tollefsen – for the sixth defensive spot and a jersey for opening night.  However, while Tollefsen bring punishment on the blue-line, Syvret brings a history with the Flyers into the equation.  Last season, Syvret suited up for the Phantoms 76 times in what was  a career year at the professional level for the blue-liner.  In those 76 regular season games, Syvret’s numbers were astounding: 12 goals and 47 assists for 59 points with the Phantoms.  As a member of the Flyers this season, it’s obviously not realistic to assume Syvret will put up elite numbers, but it certainly is not out of the realm of possibility for Syvret to crack the 20-point plateau in his first full year on an NHL blue-line.  The Flyers were high on Syvret coming into this year, otherwise they wouldn’t have 1)given him an NHL deal, 2)waived Randy Jones.  It’s put-up or shut-up time for Syvret coming into 2009-2010, and I firmly believe he will handle the pressure and perform.

THE PREVIEW

Chris Pronger opens the "Flyers" chapter in what has been a Hall of Fame career

For the first time in a long time, the Flyers blue-line comes with no glaring question marks.  There is no weak link, and (knock on wood) there are no injury questions.  This group is fresh, big, quick, and talented.  Led by two All-Star defensemen in Kimmo Timonen and Chris Pronger, the Flyers’ blue-line is arguably not only tops in the Eastern Conference, but the entire National Hockey League.  The Flyers boast the rare achievement of something I wrote about earlier in this post: they have four guys who could literally play a full game between themselves.  With Timonen, Pronger, Parent, and Coburn all more than capable of logging upwards of 30 minutes a game, the pressure will definitely be taken off players like Matt Carle, Ole-Kristian Tollefsen, and Danny Syvret to perform.  Realistically, the top four defensemen on this club will see their ice time anywhere from 22 to 28 minutes a night, with the odd minutes being filled in by the remaining two of the top six defensemen.

When it comes to putting points on the board, this group will certainly be no slouches.  I’ve already mentioned Syvret’s potential that he showcased with the Phantoms next season, and mentioned Coburn’s offensive statistics last year, but check out the other five guys’ statistics: Chris Pronger = 82 GP, 11 G, 37 A, 48 P.  Kimmo Timonen= 77 GP, 3 G, 40 A, 43 P.  Matt Carle (W/Flyers in ‘08-’09)= 64 GP, 4 G, 20 A, 24 P.  O-K Tollefsen= 19 GP, 0 G, 1 A, 1 P.  Ryan Parent=  31 GP, 0 G, 4 A, 4 P.

As you can see, the top of the Flyers unit can score with anybody.  Tollefsen was limited to only 19 games due to injury last season, but expect his point total to presumably increase with more action this year.  Parent won’t dazzle you with his statistics, but his defensive-zone prowess makes him elite at the NHL level.  Carle turned in a very solid campaign for the Orange and Black after coming over from Tampa Bay in an early-season trade, and with Timonen and Pronger, there’s no explanation needed: you know what you’re getting.  However, the thing that really stood out to me the most out of all this was the durability of this group.  Syvret played in 76 games last year, Carle played in over 70 with both Lightning and Flyers appearances to his name, Parent played close to 60 with Flyer and Phantom appearances under his belt, Coburn played in 80 games, and the two key components of the defensive corps, Kimmo Timonen and Chris Pronger, each played 77 and 82 games respectively.  This group is durable and their talented, and that is a very dangerous combination for opposing teams.

Timonen still is the heart and soul of the Flyers' blue-line

All in all, it’s the same situation with the defense as it is with the offense for the Flyers: they look tremendous on paper, but how will they perform when it comes to a live game?  If their prior performance is any indication, count on this group to be up to the challenge this season.  They will certainly face some divisional tests: they’ll see the Malkin-Crosby-Staal attack from the Penguins six times this year, along with a new-look Rangers offense led by Marian Gaborik, and they’ll even get six evenings to skate with 2009 #1 pick, John  Tavares and the New York Islanders.  Their work will certainly be cut out for them, but any group that boasts names like Timonen and Pronger can never be doubted.  Although the two are entering the later stages of their careers, there’s no denying that the duo is still dominant and definitely still considered amongst the NHL’s elite.  Throw in Coburn and Parent, and the top four blue-liners on this club are more than something to mess with; they are a force.  Syvret, Tollefsen, and Carle will prove to be great complements to the unit in 2009-2010.  As for their ability to prove that they are “as advertised”?  That quest starts this Friday in Carolina, and don’t think for a second this unit won’t be ready to prove to the world that they are the best in the business.

Last night when Mike Komisarek attempted to murder two Penguins at once, it brought back memories of who else, the toughest man ever to lace up skates, Wendel Clark. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though. Komisarek has a long way to go but through 13 periods of preseason hockey last night, the leafs had 13 fights. Not bad. Wendel routinely did that on his own during the late 80’s but I don’t judge.

Notice how Komisarek picks up Staal’s broken body from the ice and begins to start the meat grinder on his face? This is pretty vintage Clark stuff.

Mike Komisarek has yet to play a regular season game with the leafs but I like the cut of his jib. If you’re listening Mike, here are some things that will help you gain the respect of leaf fans.

- Purchase a 1980’s Pontiac. Maybe something like this:

- Then go hit something with it and keep driving. Make sure the front left quarter panel is mangled to shit. Never change the oil in it or attempt to wear a seatbelt.

- Always chew an extra thick toothpick.

- Power mullet, mandatory.

- Contact Bryan Adams and get him to write a hockey anthem for you.

- Head to toe denim, mandatory.

- Proceed to destroy opponents (looks like you’re on track in that department).

- Don’t bother with the handlebar moustache though. You’ll just look like a poser.

Today, we celebrate. Today we celebrate 21 years of Jordan Staal. Gronk, or Staalsy if you will.  The youngest player to ever score a hattrick, two shorthanded goals in one game, and score on a penalty shot. The 2007 World Championship gold medalist, OHL All-Star, and 2009 Stanley Cup Champion. Yeah, that last one’s the best one.

So here’s 21 beers on us, Staal. Happy Birthday, Champ.

Now let the picture spam begin.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDAN!!!

Somebody told me that my Team Canada boys were getting their pictures taken recently, but I hadn’t found them ’till now. It was a long hard search, but after a few hours, I found them.

So here’s an excerpt of my favorites.

Tyra taught Vinny to smile with his eyes. But she’s disappointed with him because he has a hung over look on his face.

B+

Stevey’s got a great smile, but he’s flashing us a bit of a stink eye here. Tut, tut, Mase. Keep your eyes open!

B-

Then there’s Cappy. Most of the fan girls would say he looks absolutely scrumptious here, with his one curl falling over his forehead and flashing a huge grin. However, I’m not one of those girls. In fact, I think he LOOKS like a girl. But other than that, not too shabby, Captain.

B

I think the beard adds an extra ten pounds on Nasher here. Shave, bud. 

B

Look who it is. It’s the ever handsome, jaw dropping, heart melting Patrick Sharp. What a great smile, but I think he went too far with the hair.

A

I was hysterical when I found this. His face is priceless, like a kid at Disney World, and his pants are revolting. Shape up, Patty.

C

He looks like the geeky kid everyone has in their school. Or like he sees that you’re fly’s down but isn’t going to tell you. He’s mocking you. But I like the hair, so …

B

Can you see it? I can. Right there, under his chin. Is that? Another chin? Why yes, it is. Fuck-a-doodle-doo. Mike Green is a fatty! But he has the eyebrows working for him. And the hair … Oh, the hair.

B-

JORDAN STAAL YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE. Ladies, this is what your standards should be. You except no one who doesn’t have hair like his. Or the shit-eating grin. Or the swagga that says: “You bitches look at me I’m fucking fly. I’m a Stanley Cup Champion!” HOT.

A+

Marriage has aged you, Jason. It looks like you’re balding. But you know, you are working that jersey.

B

Bonjour, Marc-Andre. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? SEX.

A+

Has Eric done something to his hair? It looks oddly like his brother’s. Maybe he’s trying to remember what it’s like to be a Stanley Cup Champion.

B+

He’s got the “I just got laid” grin on his face, and the “I just rolled out of bed hair.” He’s all grown up. *sniff*

A

Brent Seabrook knows how to make a girl scream. Fierce.

A

Hey. Jonathan Toews. Do me now. This picture takes away every female’s virginity. This picture has Tyra Banks CRYING with pride. This picture has me short of breath. This picture is …

A++

I am now back safely in Ottawa, with normal food, and reliable internet connection. I know you missed me. A few things happened while I was away, including the Team Canada orientation camp featuring a few of my favorites.

Like Spez. Spez is definitely one of my favorites.

And Johnny. I like Johnny too. I really hope Toews makes the team, there’s something about him that just screams “I’ll win you a gold medal Canada!!”

You have no idea how glad I am that Drew made the try-outs. 

And take a look at my awesome, full of win, Maxime Talbot resembling Photoshop skills on the picture below. Sorry, Jared. Maybe next time when you’re pubescent enough to grow a beard.

Steve Mason for President.

And not to forget the boy with the beautiful smile. Flower.

But there’s also a few of my least favorites at the camp.

Like, per-say, Dany Heatley. He is definitely up there on the least favorites list. 

Oh wait — he’s the only one on that roster that I don’t like.

And then there’s all the good players that you just know are going to make the team. I don’t really need to mention them on here. I’m looking at you boys, Sid, Iggy, Stanley Cup Stealing Ducks, and BAMF goalies.

So, good luck to all, — except you, Dany, and make Canada proud this year.

This summer’s free agency market has put the Blackhawks between a rock and a hard place. The salary cap is being a cruel mistress to the up and coming team, while the lack of desire to lose the young talent making hockey popular in Chicago again is pushing back towards the rocks.

This made me think of the Blues. No, not just because of rivalry and the I-55 connection, but because next summer is our first real date with the salary cap mistress. First two going out on dates? David Perron and Erik Johnson. The team lightning rod and the original chosen one (sorry TJ,  EJ had the “buzz” first).

With talk of the Hawks, many Blues fans are looking at NHLSCAP, Capgeek, NHLNumbers…and wondering, where will the Blues find money for all these kids? What kind of contract can we expect? Well, we shouldn’t expect hometown discounts and Zetterberg type deals. The players won’t do that in their early 20’s (the y will ask for all they can get) and Front Office Brain Trust isn’t going to sign a 12 year deal any time soon.

The easiest way to compare is to look at similar players, like you would in an arbitration. What criteria are we looking at to gauge where David Perron might end up?
Age: age 25 or younger signing their first contract.
Position: Forward (Wing or Center apply)
Games played / Years of Service: Less than 3 full seasons, but at least surpassing 125 games played.
Production: Pacing between 40-60+ points a season over career.

Here are some players that fit the criteria.
David Krejci
David Booth
Chris Versteeg
David Moss
Curtis Glencross
Dave Bolland
Pierre-Marc Bouchard
Jordan Staal
Milan Michalek

Production Criteria:
Games played, Goals, Points, PP Points, points/game pace, % of teams point production in the 08-09 Season.

The chart below is a break down of the above players and offensive production criteria. Included is David Perrons stats from 2007-2009. Also included are three projections of David Perron’s career numbers after the 09-10 season. Perron’s figures for % of total team points in the projections would be based off of the 598 points total for the Blues players in 08-09.

Perron 1 = 80 GP – 15 Goals – 40 Points – 10 PP Points
Perron 2 = 80 GP – 20 Goals – 50 Points – 15 PP Points
Perron 3 = 80 GP – 25 Goals – 70 Points – 25 PP Points

Perron as of the conclusion of the 08-09 Season is very similar to Glencross, Bolland, and Krejci. That would put him in a range of $1.3mil to $3.5mil per season, if he his contract would have been up this summer. When projecting out Perron we see some interesting numbers. Perron would compare similarly to Jordan Staal and Versteeg,  if he were to regress or sustain his current production levels. His contract range there would be roughly $3mil to $4mil. Should he surpass production levels in 09-10, his offensive production would be put in to comparison with Bouchard, Michalek, Booth and Krecji. Putting him in a range of $3.75mil to $4.25mil.

Surpassing his 08-09 production would put Perron in very similar territory to David Booth. Both offensive, younger wingers who score goals. Perron would have an edge over Booth in total points produced, but you can equate that to a better team and a better power play. Would it then be fair to say that Perron would surpass David Booths contract? Could Perron command over $4.25mil per? Statistically, I think you can say “yes, he would”. However, I wouldn’t understatement JD, Larry, Doug, and company getting David to agreeing early to an extension at a lower than market rate. Similar to what Ray Shero did with Jordan Staal. Imagine the money Jordan could have asked for playing a shut down center who can score 20 or more Goals on a Stanley Cup winner…at the age of 20.

I wouldn’t fret just yet Blues fans. There will be plenty of money for David and plenty left down the road for TJ, Patrick and crew. One player we can point to, to see a smaller contract figure, would be our very own Brad Boyes.  Admittedly, Brad would be slightly different since he was a UFA. However, if we work with the 3rd Perron projection, their numbers are similar.

*65 Boyes Points/545 Total Blues Points in the 07-08 Season.

Boyes has a definite advantage in Goals, but Perron isn’t dramatically far behind in total points or % of the teams points. With Boyes producing better numbers and signing for less than Michalek, Booth, and Bouchard, it is possible to see Perron fall to the lower range of the contract amounts.

Based on other players of similar age, role, and production it is safe to say Perron would likely garner a $3.50 mil to $4.25 mil per year contract in the summer of 2010. Where he signs at is likely determined by his production throughout the 09-10 season and if the Blues can get David to agree to an extension before the season ends. So again, fear not, as the fearsome in white skates will continue to wear the Blue Note for years to come. We just might want to watch out for Berglund should he surpass expectations the next two seasons.

I am so incredibly bored…so here goes with some NHL mugshots:

The Staals…for underage drinking…and disturbing the peace…

Patrick Kane…for beating up a cab driver…over 20 cents…

TJ Oshie (on the right)…for beating up Mike Radja (on the left) in an elevator…

And former NHLer Chris Nilan…for stealing a bathing suit…(ok…???)

Everyone should know that I have a certain compassion for the Staal boys. I mean, they’re basically the Sutters of the modern NHL, so you have to love them. Right now, I have some breaking news in the EStaal department. Prepare yourself, Alex. His wife, Tanya, is pregnant. That’s all I know at the moment, but I’d like to congratulate the Staals on another addition to their family. Ah, little Jordan is an up-and-coming uncle. This is huge.

58 days.
That’s all.
58 days and I will be a free bird.
58 days and I may cry a few tears of joy.
58 days and I’ll scream and laugh and swoon.
58 days and the regular season starts.
Thank fucking God.

I haven’t been on here in a while because I’ve gotten easily distracted by writing and reading fan fics. And you know what I realized today? I’m so over all of that. I mean, why would I get caught up reading a story about someone’s unrealistic life? You know, the one where you’re friends with all the Penguins and you’re married to Kris LeTang but you’re having an affair with Max Talbot AND Jordan Staal. Like, come on. Please. These stories would be semi-interesting if they had any real morals or values at all, but they don’t. And nothing about them is realistic. It’s all bull shit. So I’ve stopped reading/writing them for now, and I’m going to focus more on this blog. This is real life, and this is what is important to me right now.

Welcome me back, loves.

With only a few weeks remaining until Team Canada orientation camp in Calgary (August 24-27), I wanted to take a quick peek at the roster hopefuls who have been invited to skate. Weeks back, Steve Yzerman, executive director, announced a 46-player invitee roster. While there were some surprising names found on the list, there was also a great deal of surprises found off of the list. I’ll break this down position by position so we can have a closer look. Included is a list of players named, notable players not named, a short analysis, and a prediction as to who will make the final roster. We’ll start up front on the left hand side, and work our way back.

Left Wing

Invitees:

• Simon Gagne (PHI)
• Dany Heatley (OTT)
• Milan Lucic (BOS)
• Brendan Morrow (DAL)
• Rick Nash (CLB)
• Ryan Smyth (LAK)

Non-invites:

• Mike Cammalleri (MTL)
• Sean Horcoff (EDM)
• Chris Kunitz (PIT)
• Ethan Moreau (EDM)
• David Perron (STL)
• Ray Whitney (CAR)

Analysis: As of right now, I would say that left wing is the position that is most definitely up for grabs in relation to other roster spots.  Looking at the players who have been invited, both Simon Gagne and Brendan Morrow have suffered through serious injuries recently in their career. This brings into question whether or not they will be healthy on time for the games in January. Dany Heatley has done nothing to improve his chances with the true showing of character that he has displayed over the past few months in Ottawa.  While he is definitely a talent, will Yzerman want a cancerous character infecting the dressing room? Really, the only two locks here are Milan Lucic and Rick Nash. Lucic is a big, bruising forward with a scoring touch. His physical play and willingness to get his nose dirty will earn him a spot on the team. Rick Nash is a pure goal scorer, and his offensive talent will land him a spot. If Ryan Smyth is to falter in Los Angeles this year, I feel like he will be a player who misses the cut. Sean Horcoff’s solid two-way play will earn him consideration. If Mike Cammalleri can continue to display the flash in Montreal that he did in Calgary, he just might earn himself a spot as well. After all, he did have great chemistry with Olympic shoe-in Jarome Iginla.

Prediction: Gagne, Lucic, Morrow, Nash

Centre

Invitees:

• Jeff Carter (PHI)
• Sidney Crosby (PIT)
• Ryan Getzlaf (ANA)
• Vincent Lecavalier (TBL)
• Patrick Marleau (SJS)
• Andy McDonald (STL)
• Mike Richards (PHI)
• Derek Roy (BUF)
• Joe Sakic (retired)
• Eric Staal (CAR)
• Jordan Staal (PIT)
• Joe Thornton (SJS)
• Jonathan Toews (CHI)

Non-invitees:

• Jason Arnott (NSH)
• Patrice Bergeron (BOS)
• Brad Boyes (STL)
• Daniel Briere (PHI)
• Alex Burrows (VAN)
• Mike Fisher (OTT)
• Sam Gagner (EDM)
• Brooks Laich (WAS)
• Brad Richards (DAL)
• Marc Savard (BOS)
• Jason Spezza (OTT)
• Steven Stamkos (TBL)
• John Tavares (NYI)
• Stephen Weiss (FLA)
• Travis Zajac (NJD)

Analysis: There were plenty of surprises at this position. From small, two-way players Andy McDonald and Derek Roy being named; to Marc Savard, Jason Spezza, and Steven Stamkos not being named, this group of centerman will prove to be a competitive bunch as each fights for a spot.  Right away, Joe Sakic can be scratched off that list. It’s truly disappointing that Burnaby Joe won’t be suiting up for one final Olympic run in his hometown. I honestly feel as though Andy McDonald and Derek Roy will be odd men out in this battle royale for center ice supremecy. Both players are quite small, and just don’t quite meet the same skill level of some of their other competition. As for Patrick Marleau and Joe Thornton, while both have had the knack for putting up great numbers in the NHL regular season, they also both have the reputation for not showing up come playoff time. This will for sure leave Marleau off of the roster, and may also do the same to Thornton.

Prediction: Carter, Crosby, Getzlaf, Lecavalier, Richards, E. Staal, Toews

Right Wing

Invitees:

• Dan Cleary (DET)
• Shane Doan (PHX)
• Jarome Iginla (CGY)
• Corey Perry (ANA)
• Patrick Sharp (CHI)
• Martin St. Louis (TBL)

Non-invitees:

• Ryane Clowe (SJS)
• Kris Draper (DET)
• Devin Setoguchi (SJS)

Analysis: the competition along the right side is much thinner in comparison to the other forward slots. While Jarome Iginla and Shane Doan are already locked in, players like Dan Cleary will be fighting for a roster spot. Patrick Sharp will get a long, hard look due to his penalty killing expertise. Corey Perry will also get a long look, however his lack of international experience in comparison to Martin St. Louis will hurt his chances. The knock on St. Louis is his size of course. Someone with a serious outside shot is Ryane Clowe. The Sharks big forward has shown constant improvement in his game over the past couple seasons, and is a big body presense who also has a knack for the net.

Prediction: Doan, Iginla, Sharp, St. Louis

Defense

Invitees:

• Francois Beauchemin (TOR)
• Jay Bouwmeester (CGY)
• Dan Boyle (SJS)
• Brent Burns (MIN)
• Drew Doughty (LAK)
• Mike Green (WAS)
• Dan Hamhuis (NSH)
• Duncan Keith (CHI)
• Scott Niedermayer (ANA)
• Dion Phaneuf (CGY)
• Chris Pronger (PHI)
• Robyn Regehr (CGY)
• Stephane Robidas (DAL)
• Brent Seabrook (CHI)
• Marc Staal (NYR)
• Shea Weber (NSH)

Non-invitees:

• Cam Barker (CHI)
• Kevin Bieksa (VAN)
• Rob Blake (SJS)
• Brian Campbell (CHI)
• Braydon Coburn (PHI)
• Ed Jovanovski (PHX)
• Wade Redden (NYR)
• Sheldon Souray (EDM)
• Dennis Wideman (BOS)

Analysis: What could be the make or break of Team Canada in 2010. There is bound to be a lot of competition for spots here, and I can guarantee that there will be many surprised faces once the final roster drops later this year. Bouwmeester, Niedermayer and Pronger all seem to be sure bets, but past that it is anyone’s place to claim a roster slot. In the last games, Canada’s defense seemed quite slow and was easily outgunned by quicker, flashy opponents. Expect the defensive corps to be much younger and faster this time around. With that in mind, I expect Drew Doughty and Dion Phaneuf to have strong chances of making the squad. Count in Mike Green for his powerplay quarterbacking and offensive ability. Robyn Regehr, Brent Seabrook, and Shea Weber will also all get strong consideration due to their bruising physical play. Brent Burns, Dan Hamhuis, and Stephane Robidas are the names that first jump out as being the initial odd men out. Burns and Hamhuis lack experience, and Robidas is an aging, two-way defenseman who is in competition with similar players who are younger, and packing more talent.

Prediction: Bouwmeester, Green, Niedermayer, Phaneuf, Pronger, Regehr, Seabrook, Weber

Goaltenders

Invitees:

• Martin Brodeur (NJD)
• Marc-Andre Fleury (PIT)
• Roberto Luongo (VAN)
• Steve Mason (CLB)
• Cam Ward (CAR)

Non-invitees:

• Martin Biron (NYI)
• Jean-Sebastien Giguere (ANA)
• Chris Osgood (DET)
• Carey Price (MTL)
• Dwayne Roloson (NYI)
• Marty Turco (DAL)

Analysis: While Steve Mason may have been a slight surprise here, there really are no other surprises in this group. Chris Osgood has shown to be a goalie who performs in the clutch, but he has not shown the consistency to warrant an invite to Olympic camp. The fact that he will also be 37 by the time January 2010 rolls around also does not help him out. Turco’s play has seemingly gone consistently down hill since his Olympic nod in 2006, while Roloson is just old, Biron doesn’t win in the clutch, and Carey Price is young, inexperienced, and at a downturn in his early career. While Brodeur and Luongo are locks, the biggest battle will be for the third spot. Cam Ward and M-A Fleury both increased their level of play during the 2009 NHL post season, with Fleury backstopping the Pittsburgh Penguins to a Stanley Cup Championship.

Prediction: Brodeur, Luongo, Ward

While orientation camp likely won’t be make or break for most players, the first half of the NHL season will help to be a large indicator as to who will make the roster. If Stamkos and Tavares light it up, will Yzerman be willing to take a chance on such young, inexperienced, but flashy and fiery talent? If Martin Brodeur falls off the map early on, will he get replaced all together by Fleury, Mason, or someone else? As always, the time leading up to the announcement of Canada’s Olympic hockey roster is always a soap opera…and this one will be no different.

Agree or disagree with anything I’ve written here? Well, I wanna hear it! Post a comment with your Team Canada roster predictions to let everyone know what you think!

-m.o.b.