It is Good to Feel GOOD!!

“As you are an observer of Life, whatever you are observing dictates the vibration you practice. As you are a Creator of Life you deliberately choose what you think/observe in order to affect the vibration…”

I received a call from a friend of mine the other day and this friend was inquiring about my opinion on the recent actions of a mutual acquaintance we share. This should not go without saying, we (speaking on the behalf of my friend and myself) have nothing but well wishes for the acquaintance. However, the intent of this conversation was to discuss our preference of the light in which we would have liked to have seen the acquaintance in. For a few days now, I have been going through issues in my personal life of feeling frustrated, put under a microscope and judged. This is my perception of my reality but I had to ask myself the question, “Is this my mirror?”

That simple question felt like a weight had been lifted from me. I feel put under a microscope and judged because that’s what I did to others. I can only feel certain energies if I’m vibrating on that level. I can honestly say, the time I spent dissecting what my acquaintance had done could have been time spent focusing on accomplishing my goals. It’s even more embarrassing to confess that what I was criticizing was how my acquaintance was accomplishing one of their goals.

So, I had to take a look at my life and look at how much time I spent criticizing, analyzing, and judging other people. It was utterly ridicules how many times, in my past, I allowed myself to create an emotion or opinion towards other people’s actions. At the end of the day, “Why did that affect my focus?” This past year I set out to complete two goals.  I have conflicting emotions when I think of my success in these areas yet I’m very optimistic towards the year to come.  Below are my goals.

1. I am SOOOO orgasmically happy and submissively grateful to be in a committed relationship with a handsome, successful, charming, talented, creative, intelligent, supportive, masculine and loving man. It feels so overwhelmingly good to wake up every day in this relationship founded on growth and full of excitement & love for each other!  I have gone from being in love with a man and felt like he was hiding himself from me then wanting to be in an open relationship, and now living with my amazing boyfriend.  It’s been quite a journey and at every step I was committed to being honest, open and focused on getting what I wanted.  I can honestly say that this relationship is forcing me to grow through the various challenges that I didn’t expect to encounter.  And for those challenges and his supportive and loving nature, I am SOOO orgasmically happy and submissively grateful to wake every day in a relationship with my handsome, successful, charming, talented, creative, intelligent and masculine man.

2.  I am so ecstatic and profoundly grateful to be healing around the world, through the arts of acting, singing and dancing; while earning an income of $150,000 annually. I feel so overwhelmed with joy because I attract enough income to pay all of my bills & expenses, freely enjoy life and do what I LOVE!  I have yet to see $150,000 annually but that’s my fault.    I am pleased to say that this year I have danced in front of sold out audiences but have yet to perform in the other 2 arts.  I have heard enough ‘living the dream life’ stories and seen enough miracles in my own life to know that anything is possible.  But, I chose to hold on to my fears and didn’t remain open to seeking my goal.  After a lot of self-searching, I have recently come to grips with the thought that I had a fear of success.  I attracted income that afforded me to cover my needs but unfortunately it didn’t look anything like what I love.  Instead of being overwhelmed with joy,  I was bored and depressed because I didn’t take a chance like I did in love.

It had become comfortable for me to say “one day I will…”, instead of seeing these things for myself NOW.  This kept them at a distance and unattainable even in my fantasies.  So in realizing my own demise, I have no time to even think about, let alone have a mental or physical reaction and even conversation over what other people are doing with their lives.  Especially, if they are not hurting themselves.  Instead of putting energy into overcoming my fears and being authentic & vulnerable to change I put it towards things I have no control over.  Anything other than uplifting them is hating them.  And I sure as hell ain’t got no time for hate!  If I’m unhappy and dissatisfied with any aspect of my life, it’s because of me.  So, I choose to be happy.  I choose success! I choose love!

Psa 19:14: Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

So, while my friend was unraveling the details of her relationship with her boyfriend I was constantly reminded of a love that changed me for the better.  I didn’t think it would while I was living it and at one point even wondered if I was crazy for loving him. Friends would ask me what it was that I saw in him and how could I continue to love him.  He is no longer in my life but I still have fond memories of him because of the valuable lesson I learned from him. At the time that we met, I had just made a commitment to myself that I would remain open to the next man that I felt anything romantic for. In the past, I was very guarded in relationships because I feared getting hurt or being abandoned, so I maintained control of myself and the relationship.  Because my belief for so long was that there were no good men, that’s all I attracted, but then I discovered that I could change that belief and what I attracted.

When he came along, he spoke of things that I wanted for myself and consistently compared me to what he was looking for.  So, being true to myself and my exploration of love, I allowed myself to fall in love with him.  Although we really did not know each other, I made the decision to be open to my dreams coming true with him.  I decided that this time I would be different in the relationship, that I would love him as he is and offer healing to him.  The result of this was unrequited love. Now, from the perspective of some of my friends I was crazy for loving him. Some even thought I was being niave for loving him so fast.  My reality is that it was quite the opposite. I consciously chose to love him, completely, and because of my past experiences with men who were genuinely seeking love in return, I believed that he was being true to himself.  I know my value as a woman and constantly reminded of it in my other relations. He chose to keep me at a distance, only sharing limited parts of himself yet I continued to reveal more of myself.  Although my gut told me he was hiding things from me, I remained open to him and the possibilities of where the relationship could go.  I see it as this, my problems are my own and his problems are his to own.  I wanted to be in love so I chose to be in love, he chose to be guarded.

So, in retrospect, I do and always will love him. True love transitions and never ends; so, even though there is no love relationship, he gave me something special. He revealed to me that I can love in its totality and that I can give my all and best in every relationship.  It is not up to me how long someone will be in my life, it’s up to God, but as long as they are in my life I can offer love and healing. I learned to live in the moment, and to appreciate each & every exchange. In hind sight, I also learned that I don’t have to settle. Although an amazing man, I saw that I can love and heal someone without settling on my dreams of a husband and father for my children.  Since then, I have met other amazing men that continue  to build and affirm my desire for a family.  I have decided to keep my relationships open until an actual commitment to family is what I want to build with that individual. And as I shift my approach to relationships, I delight in those who accept me as I am. I giggle at the fact that I attract this to me and I can attract even more.  Regardless of where these relationships go, I will give freely of myself because I expect authenticity. I will be the best woman I can be whether that relationship lasts 20 minutes or 20 years.

Research shows that in America, one out of every five people have mental illness.  Call me crazy for ever believing in him. Call me crazy to continue to love this man as a reflection of myself.  Call me crazy for choosing to remain open in all relationships and not bringing the baggage of the past.  Call me crazy for trying to be the change that I think this world needs. Call me crazy because I am optimistic about love. Are you ready to embrace what you attract? Are you able to give of yourself and live in the moment for love?  Are you willing to test your limits and see your reflection in another? If your answer is no, well, I think THAT’S crazy! But we all got a touch of crazy in us. I know I do!

We at Organic Blood are in LOVE with the mission JuJuMama are on.  They are changing the status quo and healing people.  This is part 3 of 4 so if you want to see the rest visit them by clicking here.  Check out the video and then lets chat.

What if your mate told you they wanted to leave you to pursue happiness from somewhere else?  Are you guys good enough friends that you could support that and still be cool?

• Thursday.After the bf was particularly disgruntled towards me, I was on the verge of down grading his time with me from abundant to bare minimum. He came to my job and apologized. We go out for dinner again and I tell him about the relationship panel. He says yes.
• Saturday. I got a tantric session from the all wonderful Carl Stevens from Jujumama in which I finally realized my desire to having multiple lovers and one of them a pipe layer in my life is essential to MY life.
• That same day C and I would go to the panel held by Together Apart featuring Carl and his wife Kenya K.
• That night I tried to hold back my resolution to call my ex from my bf, but him knowing me knew something was up and so I told him. For this he was trying to break up with me over. He was upset and we had an extremely emotional talk.
• Sunday. He woke up the next day feeling much better and would then tell me he was understanding of me being with other men (big face drop here).
• Monday. The next day, I told my friend of two years how I had feelings for him since we’ve known each other.

It has been tricky because I’m now dealing with having a friend who is not just a friend but a romantic interest. Not just any romantic interest but a romantic interest who’s still dating my ex best friend.

And ever since then things have been smooth for the most part. Or at least they feel that way since I no longer have pent up emotion. Giving voice to my desires has been a wonderful experience for me. I feel lighter and I feel another step closer to living my perfect life.

I defined my goals during the Planning Phase, basically figured out what I wanted and then wrote each goal down.  Of course, there were rules and requirements for defining my goals, which ultimately helped me gain clarity on what I actually want.   A couple of days ago I shared with you my “plans”, however they were not my goals for this program.  JujuMama asks that we create one romantic goal and one financial goal.  Below is what I have settle upon:

1. I am so ecstatic and profoundly grateful to be helping to heal around the world, through the arts of acting, singing and dancing; while earning an income of $150,000 annually. I feel so overwhelmed with joy because I attract enough income to pay all of my bills expenses, to freely enjoy life and I am doing what I LOVE!
2. I am SOOOO orgasmically happy and reverently grateful to be in a committed relationship with a handsome, successful, charming, talented, creative, intelligent, supportive, masculine and loving man. It feels so overwhelmingly good to wake up every day in this relationship founded on growth, full of excitement and deep love for each other!

JujuMama guarantees that I will manifest everything that I want or something far better.  That leaves room for interpretation to mean: 1. I may get something that will direct me towards lessons that need to be learned before receiving my dream. 2. My dream pales in comparison to what’s in store for me to receive because I now recall what it feels like to live in complete happiness and connected to God.  I like the second option, I’m an optimist, a dreamer…planter.

I know I will accomplish what it is that I set-out to obtain.  Funny thing is, I’ve done lots of times in the past.  I tend to have selective amnesia.  Fortunately, I don’t have to rely on the past to know that I can do it.  I have aligned myself with the right things I need to make sure that I get these goals accomplished and will continue to do so.  I am studying at Vaya Institute, where they teach me how I can stay connected to my core (relationship with God) and how to apply project management to my life.  I am beginning Queen Afua Wellness Institute’s Holistic Medicine Woman Training, which will help me heal and fortify my body as I revolutionize my world.  I have been taken under the wing of my new manager, who will mentor me in understanding business and finance.

Now I won’t stop there,  I also know of stories where it’s happened to others.  I know of real people who have manifested their dream life.  I have proof.  Russell Brand is a former drug addict, alcoholic, sex-addict, molested child, high school drop-out and on and on.  He is now a husband, famous comedian, actor and multi-millionaire.  He is now creating an on going documentary about the pursuit of happiness.

I’m excited about this journey!  Now consistency in writing  is my challenge.  Argh!

What made things worse is that instead reciting affirmations, meditating on my goal, listening to positive CD, watching an Abraham Hicks video on YouTube, I just watched House, Weeds and True Blood.  I avoided my problems so they persisted until I finally decided to deal with them.  I tuned out instead of tuning in.

I had been in sweat pants and a t-shirt most of the day like I was gonna work out.  I just worked my arms trying to find something more entertaining to watch instead of being entertained by the idea of self-help.  Then, around 6:30pm it all changed almost in an instant.  A good friend of mine sent me a text and I told her about my day.  At the same time, my mom called and I cried in her ear for a bit.  In a nut shell, they both told me I should know better and reminded me of my personal strength.  Then a light bulb went off in my head that said, “Oh yeah!  I can feel better.”

JujuMama, LLC. is a great resource for me.  I’ve been participating in ALL of their programs and this month is Money Magic CN28.  Now is the DOING stage of their moon manifestation and tonight was their weekly call and meditation.  Earlier, as I was wallowing in my own mess, I sent a text out to Kenya of JujuMama to inform her that the positive “motivated toward action” energy I was supposed to feel went awry.  She told me that it would be discussed in the call.

What I learned from the call was that the energy I felt  was because I was in a place to take action in my life but for some reason I wouldn’t allow myself to ascend and be in the action energy.  Ultimately, I was holding myself back and that’s why I felt the way that I did.  It was up to me to go within and figure out what was holding me back.  It was in the meditation that I found out what that reason was.

In the start of the meditation, Kenya guided us to see an image of ourselves as a powerful warrior. Then, to be that warrior as we did what is was that we needed to DO to accomplish our goal for the month.  I felt powerful and invincible.  At the end of that mediation was a breathing technique that helps us breathe in and attract what we want, and breathe out to reach all those that will help us accomplish it.  As I breathed in a revelation came to me.  I was afraid to ascend and I didn’t feel deserving of my goal.  Wow!  I didn’t realize that that program was still installed in my brain. I thought I had deleted it when I moved to New York by myself.

I cried after the meditation to release that pain that I had been holding for so long.  I cried to release a thought that no longer serves me.  I cried to release the crippling energy that has held me back for so long.  I had been telling that story to myself for 30 years.  It’s time to tell a new one!  I can have, DO or be anything I desire.

I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something special I should be doing to “allow” an opportunity of employment that I find favorable to come into my life.  I have been moderately looking for employment because to tell you the truth I really don’t know what it is I want to do for someone else right now.  What I mean is, I don’t want a traditional job anymore but traditional jobs seem to be “secure”.  I would love an opportunity to work from home right now.  Something with flexible hours that I can set, good pay so that I can live comfortably maintaining my current lifestyle and allowing room to expand it.  I can see myself with a writing position for a magazine or some home-based business that others would say “I can’t believe you can make money doing that.”

I see this new lifestyle that’s waiting for me and it has me learning this entire year!  I’m taking ALL kinds of self-enrichment classes like acting, singing, electric guitar, Erotic Thunder Healing dance, etc.  But the thought kept coming to me how can I obtain it for me now as I go through this 365 day process.  I couldn’t help but wonder if this was possible to have before I have to make the hard decision about where I will reside.  God forbid it would come to that!

Everything kept taking me back to the thought that all I have to do is allow it to come into my life.  There are people who have all kinds of stories about being in the right place at the right time, or someone they know knows someone important that helped them do whatever, and so on and so forth.  So I thought to myself, could this apply to me and my life?

I have been following and working with JujuMama, LLC for about 4 months now.  Throughout this time, I have learned alot and have been able to apply other knowledge that I have to their work.  Well, in June a group of us went through their CN28 Goddess Edition and learned the 4 major roles of a woman.  The roles are based on the metaphysical construct of a woman.  I’m relaying all of this because today I found a way to apply some of that information.  As a woman, my job is to want, be blissful and expect what I want to come.    I am a manifesting machine and I manifest internally not externally.  So that brought me back to Abraham Hicks’ statement of allowing.

As I went about my day, one of the things I had to do was square away my boarding arrangements for a trip I will be taking next week.  I spoke to my father about my plans of travel and he laughed and said “If I were you I’d keep my butt there and look for a job, but you do what you want to.”  I’m smiling as I write this…I thought of a JujuMama’s blog where Kenya talks about her family being nay-sayers of her life.  She wrote “I had long ago seen that their fearful voices were my fearful voices, and now I just feel sorry for them – to shun adventure the way they do.”  Ha!  And there you have it.  I’m along for the ride and what an adventure this will be.  To not simply change my thought process but to do a complete overhaul; demolition and rebuild.

As I traveled throughout my day I played a song more than any other.  It resonated with me and I think I’m going to make this my theme song.  There are no mistakes in life and the lyrics of this song are so befitting to my current transition that it made me cry.  Did I have an epiphany today?  I guess time will tell!

The day started off great! I went to bed REALLY REALLY late last night but got up early, surprisingly, because I was so excited about my new journey through life. I fuddled around a bit not really feeling rushed to do anything because I’m no longer employed by anyone. I scheduled a meeting a few days ago with a friend, so that was the only thing really on my itinerary.

I scheduled this meeting to gain some insight from him about my current unemployment predicament. Although I am 100% certain that once my logic has changed COMPLETELY I will be the money magnet I always knew I could be but until then I need to make money. He’s never really had a conventional job and supports himself independently. In short, he’s doing pretty damn good for himself and I want some tips.

From the moment he started asking me questions, my stomach began to knot. Please understand that he meant no harm at all. His questions were so that he could gain insight into what it is that I am qualified to do and interested in pursuing. However, helpful or not, the questions started me on my worrying path for the day. I’m stressed, a trait I get from my dad, because I’m worried about tomorrow. I’m so consumed with the ‘what if I don’t have money’ bit that I forget that I have it NOW.

After leaving my friend’s place, I decide to get lunch. I didn’t want to go home because the confinement of my four walls would only heighten my anxiety. So, I decide to go eat in a neighborhood that feels “wealthy” to me. I didn’t want to go to far from home so I chose a restaurant in Fort Greene. Before I entered I began to recall an affirmation that helps me out a lot. “The Universe is conspiring to make me happy.” That always makes me feel much much better because the thought that comes to me is that of my dad. I’m an only child and I know that my dad will do anything in his power to help me. Immediately I begin to relax and feel safe.

It wasn’t too long after leaving the restaurant that I started to worry again. At this point I was almost in tears because I was worried about tomorrow. No matter how many times I thought of something positive, that negative feeling would come back. For the rest of the day I battled my thoughts until I spoke to a friend in my wealth manifestation support group. She didn’t say anything to make me feel better but it was that fact that I had someone on this journey with me that made me relax.

Our conversation was cut short, which worked in my favor. Immediately after we got off the phone I began to search for online things to support my path. Next thing I knew, two hours had passed and I felt great! I found an affirmation that I recorded in my journal that I’d like to share with you.

“This day September 22, 2010, I cease believing in the visible money as mysupply and my support, and I view the material world such as it truly is… simplya representation of my old beliefs. I believed in the power of the money andtherefore surrendered my God-given power and authority to a material belief. Ibelieved in the possibility of lack, thus causing a separation in my conscienceof the Source of my Abundance. I believed in the mortality of the man and hiscarnal conditions; and through this faith gave man and human conditions powerover me. I believed in the mortal illusion created the collective consciousnessof error of thoughts and in doing so, I have limited the Unlimited. No more ofthat! This day I renounce my so called human condition and proclaim my Divineinheritance as a Being of God. This day I recognize God and only God as mysubstance, my supply and my supports.”

Over the next 365 days, I will focus solely on manifesting my new life.  What is that life?  Well, a new career in entertainment.  My desire is to be a international star.  I want to be like the old school entertainers that act, sing and dance.  I see myself in major motion pictures, television shows, theater productions and the like.  It’s what I’ve always dreamed of and I’ve realized that I’m never gonna be satisfied with life until I try.  I say now is a good time because once again, I’m laid off from a dead end job.  A job that I was miserable at and made no attempts at hiding it…from ANYONE.  It wasn’t that the company was horrible, I just wasn’t satisfied.  I was the square peg in the circle whole.  Argh!

For a while now, I’ve been reading different things about the “Law of Attraction”, watching videos like “The Secret”, reading online blogs like JujuMama LLC.  And all of this has given me the courage to pursue my passion.  I’ve learned from all of these resources that God wants me to be happy and its mine already I just have to believe and receive.  I never believed that it was for me, even though I’ve been dreaming of it since I was a child.  I’m gonna go for it…make a career change at 30!

Today I met with some friends at the Waldorf Astoria.  They are my support group as I go through this journey.  We’ve named ourselves the Wealth Manifestation Group.  We are all supporting each other on our mission to pursue our passions and make beaucoup money from it!  We’ve committed ourselves to a year of belief.

I am consciously aware that I am a dreamer.  Dreamers have always been the ones to change to world!  Follow me as I make my mark.

However, what we focus on expands – so we could conceivably create someone to victimize us, eclipse our power and treat us badly. We are savvy enough to create villains to do exactly what we complain villains do. But why create chaos? Why cling to drama. Not sexy…

Give it up folks – we lose the ability to be subject to random foolishness in the moment that we decide to pay absolutely no attention to random foolishness! Could life be so simple? Well why not? Why do we believe that God is such a mean spirit? Who told us that suffering is noble? We don’t have to suffer – we can always choose to be at peace and create love in any given moment simply by shifting our focus – and what a ‘blessing’ we can choose our point of focus!!! So God is LOVE after all.

Splicing energy happens when we want wealth but constantly complain, recognize and acknowledge our perceived lack. Splicing exists when we decide that we desire love yet detest the men and women from our past, present or future. Splicing energy happens when we forget that we are on this Earth to succeed and that by virtue of BIRTH ITSELF we are successful! We are the avatars of old but we have forgotten to remember it. How about that?

I heard a perfectly lovely girl splicing when she told me in one breath that she wanted to find her ‘soul mate’ yet in the next breath lamented the FACT that there are simply no available men in Atlanta – that they are all Gay. BIG Splice. Not Sexy. How can ALL men anywhere be Gay? And what is so wrong about Gay? Gay men aren’t the reason she is single. Her thoughts of Atlanta’s male population limitations make her single. She could easily end the splice by saying “Finding my soul mate is going to be so easy in a town of so many gay men – I can more easily narrow down my selection when there aren’t sooooo many to chose from!” You see – she gets to be authentic about the population of gay men, but she chooses words that will not make her a victim to the large gay population. Word choice affects thought choice. Thoughts become Things!

We win at life when we don’t splice – we win when we see our beautiful past, useful fears, and fabulously lovely lies that society tells to us via the news as a blessing! When asked I say “what poverty? What lack? What senseless violence?” I simply don’t see it. I see fantastic poverty that will aid mankind in figuring out how to have everyone wealthy – perfect lack that will lead us all to know our bounty – and amazing violence that leads us to transcendence. What lies on the news? There are no lies – just fabulous opportunities for us to take and reshape this place over and over again and we will get it right! Fabulous!

[Some people say - well, you aren't in poverty so you just don't understand. Those are the ones who have no idea where I have been in my life and how I transcended those places. And I would never share those places in a way that makes me a victim because all of those places made me AWESOME and WISE...]

You’ve heard the old lick. Speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil. What do you think – that’s just a Jewish lullaby? It not a lullaby. It’s raw truth instructing us on how to become AVATARS once again – defeating any perceived imbalance in a single bound with the power of thought and the muse of Attraction!

So how can you stop the energy splice?

See that there is always fortune in what looks like misfortune…

Reach to find the positive in everything your mind would cast as negative…

Enjoy the little glitches of life – ask yourself when you are feeling badly – “what am I learning?”

Realize that Setbacks can be BIG Set Ups for AWESOME Come Backs!

The American Experience has done a great job at leading us all back to our most helpful tool – the imagination! When in fear or anger – imagine the end result that you desire rather than focusing on the strife at hand! Be NEO dudes! Be the one who rises above the fray using the power of thought to his advantage. You are the one who can shift the useful fears, uplifting depression and enlightening worry to create ever present and happy tomorrows!

You can save the world by shifting your thoughts! That is how powerful you are! Believe that we are unified – open to the goodness of mankind – See the God in everyone no matter what their race, creed or nationality. We want it whole. Whole world Peace. Yes?

So end the splice… Sexy is as sexy does.

Blessings!

JujuMama

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