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Just for today:

embodyingyoga — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:53:15 +0000

Just for today:
Do not be angry

Do not worry

Be grateful

Work with integrity

Be kind to others.

Just For Today

recoveringfromaddiction — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 02:35:18 +0000

“We believe that our Higher Power will take care of us.”

Basic Text pg. 55

Our program is based on the idea that the application of simple principles can produce profound effects in our lives. One such principle is that, if we ask, our Higher Power will care for us. Because this principle is so basic, we may tend to ignore it. Unless we learn to consciously apply this spiritual truth, we may miss out on something as essential to our recovery as breathing is to life itself.

What happens when we find ourselves stressed or panicked? If we have consistently sought to improve our relationship with our Higher Power, we’ll have no problem. Rather than acting rashly, we will stop for a moment and briefly remind ourselves of particular instances in the past when our Higher Power has shown its care for us. This will assure us that our Higher Power is still in charge of our lives. Then, we will seek guidance and power for the situation at hand and proceed calmly, confident that our lives are in God’s hands.

“Our program is a set of principles,” our White Booklet tells us. The more consistently we seek to improve our conscious appreciation of these principles, the more readily we will be able to apply them.

Just for today: I will seek to improve my conscious contact with the Higher Power that cares for me. When the need arises, I know I will be able to trust in that care.

____________________________________

All of this, all of this, is drivel. We have no Higher Power. We do not need one.

We stay clean by decision and action. We accept ourselves and love ourselves and some other people love us also. Sometimes, others have loved us until we could love ourselves. We learn how to lead a life of complete abstinence and to govern our actions through values, purpose, identity and common sense. We have to take care of ourselves, as no one else will, unless we find caretakers or get institutionalized. Then, we find ourselves at the mercy of our handlers and many times they can not care for ourselves as we can.

Here, God has become synonymous with “Higher Power”. Let there be no mistake as to the meaning and context, and let there be no mistake that the atheist and other non believers in a “God” get left out by readings such as these. But, we are given disdain if we object to this as we do not accept the party line and refuse to drink the poisonous Kool-Aid that poses for recovery.

This is why many of us do not read this drivel or believe the fairy tales. We give ourselves credit for a better life. The “program”, unfortunately, fails us miserably here, but we will not fail each other, and when we do make mistakes, we will choose to learn from them and take movement forward into a clean life without the need for a useless blind trust.

In my own recovery, I prayed diligently for seven years of clean time. I worked the steps, I lived them in my life. I prayed the serenity prayer, a third step prayer, a seventh step prayer, and in the eleventh step for the knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out. None of these got answered. No God listened because this God does not exist.

Instead, I took care of myself progressively better. I learned from some of my choices and went forward into a different set of reality tunnels utilizing the power of stated intentions and manifestations using a psychological and energy model without the help of a “loving caring power greater than myself”. My life got much better because I made it so and asked other people for help. The “therapeutic value of one addict helping another” showed its unparalleled value. Progressively, I came into realities because I allowed myself to get cared for and because I care for myself.

When this bullshit comes out of peoples mouths, I usually get out of the meeting and go to one where I don’t hear this crap. It’s simply not true and it keeps people away from NA, and it keeps people getting loaded because they cannot get personally empowered very well believing this nonsense.

Healthcare at close quarters

santanukunalbiswas — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 08:46:04 +0000

Moved into the new DHCC office in Dubai and in the midst of the movers and shakers of health care across the region. This is where the vision was created and is being executed, and it is a privilege to be part of it.

10 Benefits of Love

fredjoiners — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 05:39:53 +0000

“I need somebody to love,” sang the Beatles, and they got it right. Love and health are intertwined in surprising ways. Humans are wired for connection, and when we cultivate good relationships, the rewards are immense. But we’re not necessarily talking about spine-tingling romance.

10 Benefits of Love.

Today in 1917 - Queen Liliuokalani Died

rcottrill — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:15:09 +0000

Few hymns can boast a tune written by a queen, but He’s Coming Soon, by Thoro Harris can. Queen Liliuokalani, queen of Hawaii, before the overthrow of the monarchy in 1893, took a horseback ride to the windward side of Oahu to visit the Boyd ranch. There, she observed Colonel Boyd embracing, and saying goodbye to a woman of whom he was obviously fond. That incident in 1877 inspired the queen to write the love song Aloha Oe (“Farewell to Thee”).

The tune has been used for a number of gospel songs. One of these, published by Thoro Harris in 1918, is He’s Coming Soon. It is based on the Bible’s teaching about the return of Christ.

If we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words. (I Thess. 4:14-18)

Thoro Harris was a writer and compiler of gospel songs, as well as serving as a church organist. He lived for many years in Chicago. Then, around the age of 60, he moved to Eureka Springs, Arkansas. A local describes him in his latter years as follows: “A very energetic person, walking about the city almost constantly, carrying a little canvas handbag in which he carried copies of his songbooks–for sale.” Harris’s song He’s Coming Soon says in part:

In these, the closing days of time,
What joy the glorious hope affords,
That soon—O wondrous truth sublime!
He shall reign, King of kings and Lord of lords.

He’s coming soon, He’s coming soon;
With joy we welcome His returning;
It may be morn, it may be night or noon—
We know He’s coming soon.

And we, who living, yet remain,
Caught up, shall meet our faithful Lord;
This hope we cherish not in vain,
But we comfort one another by this word.

(2) Today in 1920 – Just for Today Author Revealed
The hymn Just for Today was written in 1877, and it appeared in a number of hymnals in the early part of the twentieth century, credited to a mysterious S.M.X. Famed baritone John Charles Thomas recorded a concert version of the hymn that was popular, but its authorship was for a time uncertain.

Finally, in an article in The Continent, Frederick M. Steele told how he tracked down the author and paid her a visit. “S.M.X.” turned out to be a Roman Catholic nun in England. Her birth name was Sybil Farish Partridge (1856-1917), but she had taken the title of Sister Mary Xavier. She was living in the convent of Notre Dame in Liverpool, and had devoted her life to teaching young girls.

The original poem has almost a dozen stanzas. And there is a line in it that would be unsuitable for Protestant use. The author requests that in death the Lord would grant her “the sacrament divine”–the last rites of the Catholic Church. But when it has been printed in Protestant hymnals, that stanza is simply omitted. The hymn has value in its reminder of the need for daily grace, and for a step by step walk of obedience and faith toward God.

Lord, for tomorrow and its needs I do not pray;
Keep me, my God, from stain of sin, just for today.
Let me both diligently work and duly pray;
Let me be kind in word and deed, just for today.

Let me be slow to do my will, prompt to obey;
Help me to sacrifice myself, just for today.
Let me no wrong or idle word unthinking say;
Set Thou a seal upon my lips, just for today.

Let me in season, Lord, be grave, in season gay;
Let me be faithful to Thy grace, just for today.
Lord, for tomorrow and its needs, I do not pray;
But keep me, guide me, love me, Lord, just for today.

Recovery Program or Religion?

recoveringfromaddiction — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:54:01 +0000

A set of definitions for religion from:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion

1.    a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
2.    a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion.
3.    the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices: a world council of religions.
4.    the life or state of a monk, nun, etc.: to enter religion.
5.    the practice of religious beliefs; ritual observance of faith.
6.    something one believes in and follows devotedly; a point or matter of ethics or conscience: to make a religion of fighting prejudice.

Definition of NA Program from what is the NA Program:

“What is the Narcotics Anonymous program?
NA is a nonprofit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a
major problem. We are recovering addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean.
This is a program of complete abstinence from all drugs. There is only one requirement for
membership, the desire to stop using. We suggest that you keep an open mind and give
yourself a break. Our program is a set of principles written so simply that we can follow them
in our daily lives. The most important thing about them is that they work.
There are no strings attached to NA. We are not affiliated with any other organizations. We
have no initiation fees or dues, no pledges to sign, no promises to make to anyone. We are not
connected with any political, religious, or law enforcement groups, and are under no
surveillance at any time. Anyone may join us, regardless of age, race, sexual identity, creed,
religion, or lack of religion.
We are not interested in what or how much you used or who your connections were, what
you have done in the past, how much or how little you have, but only in what you want to do
about your problem and how we can help. The newcomer is the most important person at any
meeting, because we can only keep what we have by giving it away. We have learned from our
group experience that those who keep coming to our meetings regularly stay clean.”

This is not what we hear when we go to meetings that have an incessant chatter about “God”. In fact, as we dig more deeply into the literature we can see that the Twelve Steps of NA become infected with this word virus, particularly in definitions 1,2, and 3 above.

The “meditation” book, “Just For Today” is rife with this secular religious prattle. It winds up more like a rumination, rather than a meditation.

Just look at this bullshit:

November 9
The Best-Laid Plans

“It is our actions that are important. We leave the results to our Higher Power.”
Basic Text p. 88

There’s an old saying we sometimes hear in our meetings: “If you want to make God laugh, make plans.” When we hear this we usually laugh, too, but there’s a nervous edge to our laughter. We wonder if all of our carefully laid plans are doomed to fail. If we’re planning a big event – a wedding, a return to school, or perhaps a career change – we begin to wonder if our plans are the same as our Higher Power’s plans. We are capable of working ourselves into such a frenzy of worry over this question that we refuse to make any plans at all.

-how fucked up do you want your beliefs about goals to be? There’s no higher power, no God, no God’s will for our lives, no destiny. Just conditions, circumstances, beliefs, actions, and social interactions. This matrix is what determines our results. Worry is a form of anxiety and we ought to strive to be anxiety free…and we can be almost regularly…

But the simple fact is that we really don’t know whether our Higher Power’s plans for our lives are carved in stone or not. Most of us have opinions about fate and destiny but, whether we believe in such theories or not, we still have a responsibility to live our lives and make plans for the future. If we refuse to accept responsibility for our lives, we’re still making plans – plans for a shallow, boring existence.

-here, opinions seem to get equated with theories. The reason we don’t know about the “Higher Power” has to do with it not existing and nothing else-

What we make in recovery are plans, not results. We’ll never know whether the marriage, the education, or the new job is going to work out until we try it. We simply exercise our best judgment, check with our sponsor, pray, use all the information at hand, and make the most reasonable plans we can. For the rest, we trust in the loving care of the God of our understanding, knowing that we’ve acted responsibly.

-I really laugh about this one. Poor old God. He really doesn’t exist. If he did, he’s doing a very fucked up job of it all. The second, third, and fourth sentences work as some common sense here. We could have just gone with the five Ps…Prior Planning Prevents Pisspoor Performance. In actuality, we have goals. We have purpose. We construct our identity with that purpose in mind. We set beliefs and values that work in accordance with that purpose. We get the proper environment. We can allow the process to occur as we work on our way and we can find joy along that way if we look for it-

Just for today: I will make plans, but I will not plan the result & I will trust in my Higher Power’s loving care.

Here’s a more effective rendition: JFT, I will set goals, have a purpose, shape an identity, and have fun accomplishing my purpose. In doing this, I will love myself and associate with high value people who love me and have common purpose with me.

_______________________________

There’s enough here to fuel my argument. We have a belief here that this God is running things and that it will care for us if we have faith in it. Sorry, I have seen too many who seemed devout get let down by this erroneous belief and others who didn’t buy into this bullshit get great results and have a great time along the way. No wonder so many addicts start considering getting high again. It seems the lesser of two evils for them. Maybe they will get oblivious to the poor quality of their lives?

The content in the above reading does not ring consistent with the definition of the NA Program above. It has a distinctly religious tone to it, which in my experience can have great detriment to those seeking to greatly improve the quality of their lives.

The next day turns out worse still:

November 10
Fear Or Faith?

“No matter how far we ran, we always carried fear with us.”
Basic Text p. 14

For many of us, fear was a constant factor in our lives before we came to Narcotics Anonymous. We used because we were afraid to feel emotional or physical pain. Our fear of people and situations gave us a convenient excuse to use drugs. A few of us were so afraid of everything that we were unable even to leave our homes without using first.

As we stay clean, we replace our fear with a belief in the fellowship, the steps, and a Higher Power. As this belief grows, our faith in the miracle of recovery begins to color all aspects of our lives. We start to see ourselves differently. We realize we are spiritual beings, and we strive to live by spiritual principles.

The application of spiritual principles helps eliminate fear from our lives. By refraining from treating other people in harmful or unlawful ways, we find we needn’t fear how we will be treated in return. As we practice love, compassion, understanding, and patience in our relationships with others, we are treated in turn with respect and consideration. We realize these positive changes result from allowing our Higher Power to work through us. We come to believe – not to think, but to believe – that our Higher Power wants only the best for us. No matter what the circumstances, we find we can walk in faith instead of fear.

Just for today: I no longer need to run in fear, but can walk in faith that my Higher Power has only the best in store for me.

-There’s almost some good conjecture here, except the belief that the Higher Power is responsible for practicing “Spiritual Principles” via living his will. While it may seem good that a nonexistent entity only wants “the best” for his adherents, all of this shit got contrived by humans, not something otherworldly or divine. The context in this reading is completely religious in nature, alienating those who choose to live by a practical recovery, non”spiritual” and non religious-

This drivel gets further fueled by the verbal kool-aid that the brainwashed spew out in meetings, instead of some real practical living solutions and forward thinking actions.

courage, love, and acceptance

astraastarr — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:59:43 +0000

i bring to the table willingness, honestly and an openmind and when i open my mind all possibilities are endless.

a friend shared last night something along the lines of why base your self-worth off drawing love from one when you are already full from the many many others you are loved by. Simply put- you are loved, period… it does not matter whom by. It is my choice whether or not to allow or feel that love. Today I feel my HP comfort and craddled in the arms of goodness, I love myself.

Lord Shiva

Love Story

Christina — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 04:29:02 +0000

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust things to my own desires. I will take my “luck” as it comes, and fit myself to it.

When I try to control things I just end up feeling stuck and alone. I am trying to give the situations over to my higher power and take a few steps back. My life become unmanageable by trying to control everything and taking it all as it came along.

I am feeling like I’m in a better place. Taking a few deep breaths and one day at a time. Just taking things for today and trying not to dwell on yesterday or tomorrow which is a lot easier said then done.

When my way just ain't good enough. Sorry Frankie.

shoedrop — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 04:44:33 +0000

My name is shoedrop and I am a compulsive over eater.

It’s a concept I’ve been struggling with for well over a year now while I’ve been floating in and out of OA rooms trying to “get” the program. For those unfamiliar, OA stands for Overeater’s Anonymous. For those interested, they can be found at oa.org. It’s a 12 step support organization in the same vein as Alcoholic’s Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous.

Actually, I had no trouble believing the concept that I’m a compulsive over eater. I engage in all the same activities a alcoholic would with alcohol only I substitute food. Instead of a saturated liver and red nose I have excess body fat. I hide my food, I lie about my caloric intake. I isolate. I’ve been joking for years that I’m a food addict. Haha the jokes on me. You really CAN be addicted to food and I really AM addicted to SOME foods. Only problem is that you can’t NOT eat.

So anyway, this is the third running start I’ve made at this program. I guess you could say I’ve relapsed twice. I have one day of abstinence under my belt which means that this morning I woke up and called in my food list to my sponsor and I ate only what I committed to this person. I get tripped up at the concept of giving up control.

My last sponsor told me that I had to stop trying to do things “my way” and start doing what she told me. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I ate the right foods, at the right times. Wasn’t that enough? Well no, it wasn’t. I was working the food aspects but not the emotional or spiritual. I wasn’t making my phone calls (you have to call three people a day) or attending my meetings (it’s suggested you make one a week) or reading my literature. I was making substitutions to my food list, maybe something simple such as peppers for cucumbers, and not calling my sponsor. But what’s the big deal you ask? The big deal is that I wasn’t admitting that I was powerless. I was grasping onto the last vestiges of control over something which I had no control. Eventually this dark oppositional and defiant monster would get into my head and I’d start saying things like “I deserve this and I can have a little of that and I’ll get back into it tomorrow.” There is never tomorrow. There is only today.

So yesterday I went back to a meeting and decided to start anew. Not over again. I am starting for the first time. I am starting over from day 1. When I start to worry about the Christmas treats I will miss I remind myself that I only choose to do this for today. And today was a mighty fine day.

I heard some wonderful things at yesterday’s meeting and they’re concepts I hope to think about and parlay into essays at another time. If anyone has anything to share about them or any words of wisdom about them I’d love to hear it. I always find it valuable.

1. When I’m in the middle of my addiction chaos feels normal and my life SEEMS manageable.

2. Paralysis of Analysis

3. It’s not easy, but it’s simple.

I have some things to be proud about, and rather than keep them to myself I’m going to acknowledge them. A year ago doing these two simple things would have been impossible and would have paralyzed me. Today the fact that I was able to do them gives me hope that I can maintain my abstinence.

1. I did not leave yesterday’s meeting without a sponsor. I interviewed two women. The first woman I talked to had hours that were totally incompatible to mine. The second woman had hours that were inconvenient, but doable. I asked her if I could take her as a temporary sponsor until I found someone more convenient because I didn’t want to leave the meeting without a sponsor. She was glad to agree AND offered to help me find someone more compatible. A year ago I would have either accepted her terms and sabotaged the relationship down the line, or slinked out without a sponsor, using it as an excuse to have a guilt free binge week.

2. I committed a turkey sandwich for lunch today and my turkey had turned. I had two choices. 1. Call in a change or 2. Get more turkey. For some reason I can’t seem to get myself to make two calls to my sponsor in one day. I have to examine that. My husband went out to get more turkey. He ended up with a turkey sandwich from an italian place. I deconstructed the sandwich, weighed the correct amount of turkey, and put it on the right bread. It was an awful lot of work to do while I was starving. I could have easily said that I had gone to “enough lengths” by obtaining a turkey sandwich.

These are new times my friends.

Motives

gratefulmember — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 17:59:19 +0000

I’m going to allow myself a rare indulgence. Usually, I share about readings that have struck me or that I can apply to my own life. Today, I’m responding to a reading that I wish someone else had read.

I was doing my significant other a favor… cleaning up his closet, folding his laundry, and reorganizing his shelves (I’m Felix to his Oscar), so they’d be spiffy when he returned home from a 4-day trip. My intentions were good. I really was, at least in part, trying to do something nice for him. In an honest inventory of my own part: I was also acting, in part, out of my own need to control and keep things tidy.

I found a box. A jewelry box. I didn’t open it.

This isn’t a huge surprise. We have discussed “it,” and I had promised not to look around the house for it.

And I wasn’t.

I think I want to be surprised more than he wants to surprise me. To my credit, as tempting as it might have been, I have never gone searching for it. The thought that I might stumble upon it during my cleaning spasm never even crossed my mind.

Yet, he accused me of “being curious” and looking for it… and I wasn’t! The anger and frustration of an unjust accusation is nearly enough to send me into the throes of martyrdom and self-righteous indignation.

I read this a few days ago: “Every time I catch myself trying to figure out other people’s motives, I’ll stop and ask myself: ‘What did I say or do that prompted the action? Why did I react to it as I did? Does what happened make a major difference to me, or am I making something big out of a trifle?” -One Day at a Time (July 20, p202) and I really wish he would have read it.

How dare he put words in my mouth and tell me what my motives were?!?

Then, I come back around full circle and realize. The argument was silly and blew over quickly; after all, this is a great time in our lives. Besides, I have the questions in that reading to ask myself. As much as I wish he would read them, the only way I am going to achieve any peace of mind is to ask myself:

What did I do or say that prompted the action?

Why did I react to it as I did?

Does what happened make a major difference to me, or am I making something big out of a trifle?

Ahhhhh, there we go. Much better.

Listening without Judgment

gratefulmember — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:49:02 +0000

Struggled a bit this week with a program call from someone with a lot of drama. We have very little to discuss unless she’s talking about her husband, her lover, and the interminable chasm between them. God help me- I get impatient. I want to scream, “If you don’t like things the way they are, then get off your @#* and change them! Grow up! Take accountability for yourself!!!”

How quickly I forget the years I spent rehashing, whining, crying over my love woes before program. Amazing how the tables turn. Now I know why my friends stopped taking my calls back in those days… because it’s exhausting listening to someone go on and on and on and on about something they can change with a simple change of attitude. They just choose not to.

“Each of us puts the Al-Anon program into practice in our lives as best we can, moving at the pace that is right for us. I avoid speaking harshly . . . Perhaps someone needs more time to work through a painful situation than I do. Their story may sound repetitious to me, but who am I to judge? . . . Tday I will try to extend to my fellow members the respect, patience, and courtesy that I want for myself.” -Courage to Change (July 15, p197)

Just For Today/ The Distance You Have Come

jorgeochoa — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:53:53 +0000

Today was such an awesome day! God really is there when you need him the most. He is such a beautiful and thoughtful person. My parents got me an iTunes gift card for my birthday. Well with it I bought Scott Alan’s Keys: The Music of Scott Alan’s album. Well this song called “The Distance You Have Come” really got to me. Its crazy. Like, these lyrics really mean a lot to me. They fit perfectly with what is going on in my life. As a matter of fact, its one of those songs that I will always cherish. Its the type of song that will never get old. Kinda like India’s “Just For Today” ( I will put that song on here too”) which I listen to every morning. It just brightens up my day. To those of you who always ask me, “jorge why are you always happy and smiling”, well that is the answer. Music. Idk I thought I would share this awesome-ness. I’m sure you will like it. It truly is beautiful. Just beautiful. Share your thoughts. What do you think?

I don’t know where tomorrow finds me
The only thing I know is where I’m standing now
In this life there’s never been a guarantee
Which seems to be the only guarantee I’ve found

But keep your eyes upon the road – keep driving
It won’t be long until you see a sign that says that you’re arriving
And when you reach that day
When you conquer what’s behind you
Don’t forget the fight it took to get you there
And when you reach the top of the mountain you’ve been climbing
Don’t forget the distance you have come

It’s hard when no one tells you if you’re winning
But just remind yourself how far that you’ve already come
And some days you may feel that there is no ending
But if you give up now you’ll never know if you could have won

Keep your eyes upon the road – keep driving
It won’t be long until you see a sign that says that you’re arriving
And when you reach that day
When you conquer what’s behind you
Don’t forget the moments that have come before
And when you reach that place
When you’re miles from where you started
Don’t forget the distance you have come

And there’ll be days that the weight of the world will bind you
And you’re wondering if the world really needs you
But keep on going – keep on driving on
Cause the sign ahead will soon be behind you

And when you reach that day
When you conquer what’s behind you
Don’t forget the fight it took to get you there
And when you reach the top of the mountain you’ve been climbing
Don’t forget the distance you have come

When you conquer what’s behind you
Don’t forget the moments that have come before
And when you reach that place
When you’re miles from where you started
Don’t forget the distance
Don’t forget the distance
You have come

-The Distance You Have Come
music and lyrics by Scott Alan
www.scottalan.net

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just For Today by India Arie

Just for today
I will not worry what tomorrow will bring, no
I’m gonna try something new and walk through this day
Like I’ve got nothing to prove, yeah
Although I have the best intentions
I can’t predict anyones reactions
So I’ll just do my best
I’ll put one foot in front of the other
Keep on moving forward
And let God do the rest

I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery
I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery

Just for today
I’m telling the truth like it’s going out of style
I’m gonna swallow my pride and be who I am
And I don’t care who don’t like it, yeah
I feel the fear but I do it anyway
I won’t let it stand in the way
I know what I must do
There’s no guarantee that it’ll be easy
But I know that it’ll be fulfilling
And it’s time for me to show improve

It’s okay not to know
Exploration is how we grow
It’s ok to not have the answer
Cuz sometimes
It’s the question that matters

I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery
I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery

Day 2: The First day of the month of Cancer and I am excited.

robertsalvit — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:44:57 +0000

I am surprised at myself for being so excited especially as we enter the month of cancer. In the past getting excited or getting very angry or anything considered extreme was something I avoided. Well I can tell you that doing this blog is exciting for me and I welcome this excitement. It makes me feel alive and ticking and I have a place to share my thoughts and feelings. I usually try to be sequential in my thoughts so they are orderly, but it feels like I have so much to say that might not happen.

This morning during my morning meditation,connection, prayer for the new month of Cancer I received several ideas that I would like to share and open up for discussion and assistance. I talked about meditating every day and creating a positive thought , intention, idea for each day,each month, and each year. This process will create a consciousness that will affect the universe as we talked about. This morning I remembered the “Just For Today” meditations that are taught in the reiki healing classes. So if we can create a new Just For Today – one minute meditation – for each day. Since we just started the month of Cancer I would like to start with - Just for Today I will not get angry with my wife, my children, my family, my friends, the people I work with, or any person that I will interact with today. Since it is a new month I also would like to say that Just For This Month I will not be reactive to any situation. I will take a deep breath, take a minute to re-evaluate, reconsider,and in Kabbalah terms make restriction to bypass my reactive behavior. I will take this time to consider the other person and make room for them to play in the game.

The second thought I received is also very exciting – I have always had a hard time defining the word healer and the concept of healing. I would like to open this up for discussion as well. My sister has added to our definition of sharing to include responsibility, honesty,caring etc. (please check comments) Here again I find myself focused on my issue of what is a healer. Perhaps we need to ask what is a jeweler or what is a plumber, or what is a baseball player or even to ask what is God. Somehow answering what is God seems the easiest place to start. God according to Kabbalah is the creative force that created the playing field (the earth, universe, stars ,plnets etc) so man has a place to play at the game of life. God the Light Force created all things possible in order to fullfill mans lack, his desire – the quality or consciousness of vessel. This is the desire to receive and the Light Force is the desire to share. So what is a healer? A healer will create the playing field (we can say environment) act responsibly (we can say training) and share with another who is in lack (ill, in pain, etc,) and wants to play. Not everybody wants to play so they must get awakened. The healer can help awaken the desire to play the game.

I want to finish today with a our reiki one minute meditation day 2: Just for today I will see the world through the eyes of logic and stay focused I will not allow my feelings to govern my actions or reactions as they are in a heightened state of sensitivity, I will not be reactive

usedbeerdepot — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:47:04 +0000

What once was a mouse, now it’s just tarmac…

(the daily excrement is dead.)

rev spook — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:27:05 +0000

yep. sad to say. but some one i let get too close to me and my things ended up abusing their power and deleting my revspook.com site, the excrement blog, the q&a blog i started with anas f khan, and my wu xing kung fu blog. so… i don’t have much of a heart to go back to the old wordpress version of the daily excrement. so i decided id just start another blog, by another name and yeah. my crazy shit. this’ll be where you can see it all – http://hex30.wordpress.com/

cheers.

pat c.

oh yeah, if your wondering why its called ‘the oriole,’ its because to find a name for it i did an i-ching roll and i got hexagram 30, sometimes called ‘the oriole.’

06/02/09 - 9:31am (just for today-06/02)

rev spook — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:31:49 +0000

June 02, 2009
Sick and tired
Page 160

“No matter what prvents me from living a full, happy life, I know the program can help me change, a step at a time. I need not be afraid of the Twelve Steps.”

Something’s not working. In fact, something’s been wrong for a long time, causing us pain and complicating our lives. The problem is that, at any given moment, it always appears easier to continuing bearing the pain of our defects than to submit to the total upheaval involved in changing the way we live. We may long to be free of pain, but only rarely are we willing to do what’s truly necessary to remove the source of pain from our lives.

Most of didn’t begin seeking recovery from addiction until we were “sick and tired of being tired and sick.” The same is true of the lingering character defects we’ve carried through our lives. Only when we can’t bear our shorcomings one moment longer, only when we know that the pain of change can’t be as bad as the apin we’re in today, are most of us willing to try something different.

Thankfully, the steps are always there, no whatter what we’re sick and tired of. The irony is that, as soon as we make the decision to begin the Twelve Step process, we realize our fears of change wee groundless. The steps offer a gentle program of change, one step at a time. No single step is so frightening that we can’t work it, by itself. As we apply the steps to our lives, we experience a change that frees us.

Just for Today: We wanted an easy way out . . . . When we did seek help, we were only looking for the absence of pain.

05/14/09 - 9:13pm (just for today-05/14)

rev spook — Fri, 15 May 2009 02:13:56 +0000

May 14, 2009
Oops!
Page 140

“Mistakes aren’t tragedies. But please, Higher Power, help me learn from them!”

Mistakes! We all know how it feels to make them. Many of us feel that our entire lives have been a mistake. We often regard our mistakes with shame or guilt

at the very least, with frustration and impatience. We tend to see mistakes as evidence that we are still sick, crazy, stupid, or too damaged to recover.

In truth, mistakes are a very vital and important part of being human. For particularly stubborn people (such as addicts), mistakes are often our best teachers. There is no shame in making mistakes. In fact, making new mistakes often shows our willingness to take risks and grow.

It’s helpful, though, if we learn from our mistakes; repeating the same ones may be a sign that we’re stuck. And expecting different results from the same old mistakes

well, that’s what we call “insanity!’ It just doesn’t work.

Just for Today: Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.

05/13/09 - 6:04pm (just for today-05/13)

rev spook — Wed, 13 May 2009 23:04:56 +0000

May 13, 2009
Onward on the journey
Page 139

“I accept that I don’t have all the answers to life’s questions. Nonetheless, I will have faith in the God of my understanding and continue on the journey of recovery.”

The longer we stay clean, the steeper and narrower our path seems to become. But God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. No matter how difficult the road becomes, no matter how narrow, how winding the turns, there is hope. That hope lies in our spiritual progression.

If we keep showing up at meetings and staying clean, life gets… well, different. The continual search for answers to life’s ups and downs can lead us to question all aspects of our lives. Life isn’t always pleasant. This is when we must turn to our Higher Power with even more faith. Sometimes all we can do is hold on tight, believing that things will get better.

In time, our faith will produce understanding. We will begin to see the “bigger picture” of our lives. As our relationship with our Higher Power unfolds and deepens, acceptance becomes almost second nature. No matter what happens as we walk through recovery, we rely on our faith in a loving Higher Power and continue onward.

Just for Today: The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey.

Fender Bender

gratefulmember — Wed, 06 May 2009 10:00:43 +0000

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend had a little fender bender while we were driving in my car. Thankfully, no one was injured. Once again, thanks to program, I was able to stay calm and not be upset on the scene. “It’s just a car,” I said. “It can be fixed.”

I did lose my serenity over the fact that the accident would be processed through my insurance. In my state, the automobile is insured, not the driver. Therefore, the accident was technically charged to my insurance, which meant an increase in my premium.

This was nothing short of a horror show to me. I had spent so many years holding the bag after someone else’s mistakes. I had spent so much time being responsible for someone else’s problems. This felt very difficult for me. I transformed it into something else entirely in my mind, which wasn’t fair. I couldn’t carry over my old stuff into this new relationship.

First, I had to let myself feel my feelings. Then, I had to look at the problem as it really was. I had to face up to my martyrdom and my overstated feelings of responsibility. (Why does everything happen to meeee?). I had to pray for serenity and ask my Higher Power to remove this burden of self-pity that I was carrying forward. In truth, the world was not ending. My boyfriend was not saddling me with a huge financial problem or leaving me holding the bag alone. If my premium did go up, it would be a small amount. Was that worth the stress and craziness?

My boyfriend paid my deductible and tried to take financial responsibility through his insurance. He felt terrible. It was easy for me to slip back into old, bad patterns, to get upset and whine, but working program, I realized that that’s why we call them accidents. They happen, and working myself up didn’t make anything better. I had to just let it go because I had made it so much bigger in my mind than it really was.

I also had to work my gratitude. I have a great guy who contributes a lot to our partnership. I have to work hard to keep the old fears at bay and recognize him for who and what he is.

04/24/09 - 2:18pm (just for today-04/24)

rev spook — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:19:55 +0000

April 24, 2009
Twelve steps of life
Page 118

“I will have the wisdom to use the Twelve Steps in my life, and the courage to grow in my recovery I will practice my program to become a responsible, productive member of society. “

Before coming to Narcotics Anonymous, our lives were centered around using. For the most part, we had very little energy left over for jobs, relationships, or other activities. We served only our addiction.

The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous provide a simple way to turn our lives around. We start by staying clean, a day at a time. When our energy is no longer channeled into our addiction, we find that we have the energy to pursue other interests. As we grow in recovery, we become able to sustain healthy relationships. We become trustworthy employees. Hobbies and recreation seem more inviting. Through participation in Narcotics Anonymous, we help others.

Narcotics Anonymous does not promise us that we will find good jobs, loving relationships, or a fulfilling life. But when we work the Twelve Steps to the best of our ability, we find that we can become the type of people who are capable of finding employment, sustaining loving relationships, and helping others. We stop serving our disease, and begin serving God and others. The Twelve Steps are the key to transforming our lives.

Just for Today: Through abstinence and through working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous, our lives have become useful.

Sarcasm

gratefulmember — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 08:31:10 +0000

Today’s reading in One Day at a Time is an unforgettable one I often look forward to reading year after year.

It gives the etymology of the word sarcasm; it’s from the Greek verb sarcazo, which means to tear flesh.

What a powerful thing to read… especially for someone whose family interactions were (and are) largely based on poking fun and sarcastic comments. Not that we’re terrible and nasty to each other all the time, but sometimes sarcasm can be more hurtful than a physical attack.

Just for today I will remember to say something kind instead of something sarcastic. I will also ask my Higher Power to remove this shortcoming. Putting good out there in the world will ultimately reap more rewards.

04/22/09 - 12:26pm (just for today-04/22)

rev spook — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:27:00 +0000

April 22, 2009
Traveling the open road
Page 116

“I am continuing to develop my spiritual, social, and general living skills by applying the principles of my program. I can travel as far as I wish on the open road of recovery.”

When we arrived at our first NA meeting, it looked like the end of the road to many of us. We weren’t going to be able to use anymore. We were spiritually bankrupt. Most of us were totally isolated and didn’t think we had much to live for Little did we realize that, as we began our program of recovery, we were stepping onto a road of unlimited possibilities. At first, just not using was tough enough. Yet, as we watched other addicts working the steps and applying those principles in their lives, we began to see that recovery was more than just not using. The lives of our NA friends had changed. They had a relationship with the God of their understanding. They were responsible members of the fellowship and of society. They had a reason to live. We began to believe these things were possible for us, too. As we continue our recovery journey, we can get sidetracked by complacency, intolerance, or dishonesty. When we do, we need to recognize the signs quickly and get back on our path

the open road to freedom and growth.

Just for Today: This is our road to spiritual growth.

04/21/09 - 3:49pm (just for today-04/21)

rev spook — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 20:49:38 +0000

April 21, 2009
Fear
Page 115

“I pray for the willingness to change my old ways of thinking, and for the ability to overcome my fears.”

Many of us find that our old ways of thinking were dominated by fear. We were afraid that we wouldn’t be able to get our drugs or that there wouldn’t be enough. We feared discovery, arrest, and incarceration. Further down the list were fears of financial problems, homelessness, overdose, and illness. And our fear controlled our actions.

The early days of recovery weren’t a great deal different for many of us; then, too, fear dominated our thinking. “What if staying clean hurts too much?” we asked ourselves. “What if I can’t make it? What if the people in NA don’t like me? What if NA doesn’t work?” The fear behind these thoughts can still control our behavior, keeping us from taking the risks necessary to stay clean and grow. It may seem easier to resign ourselves to certain failure, giving up before we start, than to risk everything on a slim hope. But that kind of thinking leads only to relapse.

To stay clean, we must find the willingness to change our old ways of thinking. What has worked for other addicts can work for us

but we must be willing to try it. We must trade in our old cynical doubts for new affirmations of hope. When we do, we’ll find it’s worth the risk.

Just for Today: We have found that we had no choice except to completely change our old ways of thinking or go back to using.