I don’t know if it’s because I was sick and home alone for so many days, or if it’s because of PMS, or what, but now that the holiday season is upon us, I have been struggling with all these conflicting emotions.

I’m excited about having met “Paul”. He is, so far, a really great guy. I saw him on Saturday night; I went over to his place and we spent a low key evening together. He had gotten some fancy cheeses that afternoon at the cheese shop in his neighborhood, so we shared some of that with a baguette and wine, while talking about our different families and Christmas gifts. He is really into music, and was introducing me to some of his favorite new bands, and was playing a sampling on his iPod. And he is a really good kisser. Love that! He even brought up New Year’s Eve. If I am in town (I have been trying to plan a trip somewhere warm for New Year’s but it’s expensive…) I think I might have a date!

At the same time, I have been feeling nostalgic about my ex. Yes, I know that he is what Karen Salmansohn calls a “Prince Harming,” but he did have a lot of good qualities (though some friends of mine would disagree.) I keep thinking about “one year ago.” He first met my family on Thanksgiving. He was the first boyfriend I ever introduced to my family! I met his whole family two weeks later at his cousin’s wedding. We spent Christmas together, had a Holiday Party together, New Year’s together. It’s tough. But I know it’s not worth trying to relive the past. It’s over – behind me now. Gotta keep moving forward…creating new memories for next year…

On Sunday night, a couple of girlfriends came with me to a seminar hosted by Karen Salmansohn. For anyone who doesn’t know her, she writes these humorous self-help books about career and love, that I highly recommend. (Check out her website: www.notsalmon.com) The seminar on Sunday was for her book “Prince Harming Syndrome”. I wanted to bring my one friend with me because she has been going through a very difficult relationship, one that I personally think is very toxic, and I was hoping that this seminar would help her to see the light. Plus, I want to find my own “Prince Charming”, and something was really drawing me to it, so I figured, why not?

The event was so much fun! Karen was full of great information, a lot of which can be found in her book, and she was really, really sweet and helpful to everyone who came. I think the thing that I got most out of Sunday’s seminar was that if you stay positive, you attract positive experiences. And I loved that the friend I was concerned about was nodding her head to a lot of what Karen was saying, and she also uttered the phrase “Yes, that’s me!” at one point. I was just thinking to myself, “Hallelujah!”

We’re going again next Sunday, just she and I. It’s the last seminar in a five-part series in NYC. Plus this Sunday, Karen mentione that Barbara Biziou will be there, another author and life coach. Another very good friend of mine was raving about Barbara a few months ago, so I really am looking forward to this Sunday!

Another fun side note: Karen mentioned that when you want something, you have to put it out into the Universe because somehow, you will always get what you want if you really want it. Exactly what Paulo Coelho wrote. I like the synergy!

¿Qué se necesita para tener una relación que dure a través del tiempo? Escucha los consejos de esta gran consejera de vida y autora de libros Best-Seller

Karen Salmansohn

¿Quieres saber que causa la ruptura de muchas relaciones en el mundo?

Como autora de libros Best-Seller y consejera emocional, puedo decirte porque sucede en tres actos:

Primer Acto: Me lastimaste.

Segundo Acto: Como tu me lastimaste, yo te lastimé.

Tercer Acto: Tú me lastimas más porque te acabo de lastimar, entonces yo te lastimo aún más. Después tú me lastimas; después yo te lastimo; después tú me lastimas porque yo te acabo de lastimar, entonces yo te lastimó aun más, etc.

El punto: Es fácil portarse frío, humillante e insensible con alguien quien te ha dicho o hecho algo, que tu percibes como frío, humillante o insensible.

Pero ese es el punto. Eso es lo más fácil de hacer.

Básicamente, la mayoría de la gente no es mala como especie. Simplemente somos débiles.

Se requiere de esfuerzo para poder hablar de forma valiente, consciente, tierna, y abierta sobre el dolor que sentimos, antes de que todo nos caiga encima negativamente.

Si, se requiere de esfuerzo para tomar la vía difícil y poder expresar tus debilidades y tus preocupaciones con sencillez y cariño. Pero este esfuerzo vale la pena…porque el amor y la conexión son tus verdaderas fuentes de felicidad – no el dinero, ni los zapatos, ni los autos deportivos…y definitivamente tampoco la satisfacción de sentirte bien acerca de alguien o algo. (Aunque se que esta última a veces nos hace sentir que en realidad somos felices…pero al final, solo nos trae más miseria que gloria).

Así que la próxima vez que alguien a quien tu estimas, te haga algo que no es muy lindo – haz un esfuerzo, se valiente y mata a ese monstruo mientras que aun es pequeño.

Con esto en mente, aquí te doy algunas sugerencias de comunicación para que las recuerdes siempre:

1. Escoge el momento y el lugar adecuado.

¿Tienes por lo menos 30 minutos de tiempo in-interrumpido? ¿Estás en un lugar en donde tu pareja siente que el o ella puede hablar abiertamente y sin prejuicios? ¿Acaso estás en un restaurante ruidoso, en donde es difícil escuchar y necesitas gritar – incluso antes de que tu pareja te motive hacerlo? En general, el mejor lugar para hablar es en casa, a solas, donde puedan sentarse y verse uno al otro, y a los ojos. Muchos psicólogos incluso sugieren tomarse de las manos mientras hablan – para poder mantener una cálida conexión durante los momentos más difíciles de la conversación.

2. Antes de comenzar una conversación difícil, deja en claro con tu pareja que tu objetivo es solo crear la mejor relación posible.

Admite que reconoces que hablar de temas difíciles puede resultar incómodo, pero que prefieres tener una conversación difícil ahora, a tener una relación menos íntima, decadente y poco sincera después. Recuérdale a tu pareja cuanto lo/la valoras. Halaga algunas de sus cualidades que aprecies. En general, debes de estar 100% seguro/a de que tu pareja entienda completamente tu objetivo, y que crea que hablando incrementaran su amor, sin lastimarse, y antes de comenzar con la discusión.

3. Si estás disgustado/a con tu pareja por algo en específico, trata de no generalizarlo al decir “Siempre haces esto. Siempre haces aquello”.

Generalizar simplemente intensificará el estado emocional de tu pareja, pues es mucho más vago y poco creíble. Seamos honestos. Un “siempre” es en realidad algo muy poco probable. Los psicólogos están de acuerdo en limitar la plática al evento específico y reciente que nos está molestando, ya que hacer ofensas sobre situaciones pasadas es evidencia inadmisible.

4. Se consciente y tratar de empezar la mayoría de tus frases con “Yo”.

Del mismo modo, trata de no empezar las frases con “Tu”.

La meta: Se dueño/a de tus sentimientos. No deshonres a tu pareja.Por ejemplo, trata de decir algo como: “Siento que ayer me estabas ignorando – y esto me ha dolido, pues necesitaba tu cariño después de que mi propuesta fue rechazada en la oficina”, en lugar de “Eres frío/a, desalmado/a, y nunca me ofreces ni un poco de apoyo”.

5. Crea un obvio beneficio para hablar.

Para que tú y tu pareja quieran hablara de nuevo. En otras palabras, asegúrate de terminar la conversación enlistando conscientemente todas las cosas positivas que han aprendido gracias a la plática. Haz un lista específica de todas las nuevas acciones que ambos intentarán llevar a cabo para mantener la relación tan fuerte y cariñosa como sea posible. ¡Ah…y aquí es cuando la maravillosa recompensa de “sexo de reconciliación” debe de entrar! Al terminar con una nota “positiva y gratificante”, la próxima vez que surja una conversación difícil, asociarás el hablar con cosas positivas como ¡“Haz el amor, y no la guerra”!

Karen Salmansohn es consejera de vida y autora de 27 libros famosos, incluyendo los éxitos: “Basta”, “Maldita sea” y “Hasta dios es soltero (Así que ya no molesten)”.

Notas para recordar:

• El no comunicarse es una solución fácil (pero no inteligente) para salir del problema. Admite que algunos aspectos del amor son difíciles.

Fuente: http://pareja.latino.msn.com/landing/cplanding.aspx?cpp=esu/root/editorial/editorial08.html&trackingid=1057550

I recently wrote about the current growth positive psychology, the “scientific study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive,” and the resulting growth in self-help books that utilize its research results. These books are more inclined to offer specific, research-based prescriptions — “A well-known research study at Duke University showed that going for a brisk 30-minute walk three times a week is as effective as taking antidepressants to improve your mood.” — than traditional self help clichés — “Let a smile be your umbrella.” Specific steps rather than vague generalizations — That’s the new way. One of the best of this new breed of self-help books is The Bounce Back Book: How to Thrive in the Face of Adversity, Setbacks, and Losses by Karen Salmansohn.

The Bounce Back Book has 75 chapters, or “tips,” each devoted to one technique to help you…well, bounce back. Each numbered tip has a witty catch-phrase, for example,  “Tip #39: Turn negativity into nuggetivity,” or ” Tip #8: A Rolling Stones fan gathers less moss.”  Following that is a page or two explaining the tip and the research behind it.  Other than this numbering system, the book has no conceptual structure and the tips come in no particular order. It is really just a big list, but it works. My only complaint is that there is no table of contents or index to help find a particular tip once you’ve finished reading the book.

Salmansohn has filled The Bounce Back Book with useable ideas. Nothing in here requires you to stick to a large project (one that for most of us would be doomed to failure). Instead you can take your choice of 75 bite-sized tips that you can easily put into practice today.  Meaning and happiness are made up of a million small acts.  All you have to do is find the one that seems right for you right now.

The Bounce Back Book in covered in red rubber (like a ball – get it?) and has an inconsistent and whimsical style.  The fonts are in bright colors, and the book seems designed by someone from the women’s magazines (it doesn’t really feel like Salmansohn wrote this for men), but none of that gets in the way of its purpose, which is to give us the tips for getting through the hard times with our souls intact.

You know what? It’s pretty good. I would gladly recommend it to someone going through a divorce, job loss, breakup, or worse.  It is a good resource for someone who’s new to this information and doesn’t have time or inclination to search it out on his or her own. Pick it up if you get the chance.

Make a great day.

“How To Win the Metaphorical Happiness Lottery” by Karen Salmansohn

Where did June go? I know, theoretically it is only the 16th, but if you’re looking at my calendar then that is a scary scary thing. Why? Well, it means that the first two weeks and 11 events are already past, and that the last two weeks and 10 events are pretty much RIGHT NOW. Here I thought May was going to be the crazy month … And then July starts, and, well, I’ll spare you my July angst.

This week is a headlining week for us; we had Karen Salmansohn in earlier today chatting about male escorts, Ladies Who Launch, New York vs. Utah fashion (black and formal vs. color and casual), and her 21 books. She is delightful and hilarious, and I can’t wait for the next book so that we can make a big deal out of her and do a full talk/signing. There are a couple signed copies of The Bounce Back Book (minus the one I bought for myself; perks of being a bookseller!) so come in and grab one for yourself or the stressed lady in your life.

And then, in T-1 Hour, Paul McGill will be here to sign his new autobiographical novel, Finding the Lost Weekend (I may have borrowed a bit for the title of this post; so sue me, it’s a great title!). I’m looking forward to getting the inside scoop on this one, expect lots of details from me tomorrow or Wednesday.

Of course, the BIG DEAL for the week is that Utah’s Poet Laureate (not to mention friend of the store and fabulous judge from our PoM Competition) Kate Coles will be reading from and signing her newest poetry collection, Fault, on Thursday night. If you have never heard a Poet Laureate read, then you owe it to yourself to come. It’s a life-changing experience, I assure you.

Saturday is a double-header with local author and artist Corinne Humphrey (who did a stellar interview for us) at Storytime with her new picture book The Tao of Rudy, and then another local, Annette Haws, with her debut novel Waiting for the Light to Change.

So come one, come all; it looks like we’ll even be able to use the patio this week! Of course, I’m not sure if I’d rather have 90 degree weather and use the patio or have rain showers and … wait, I take it back, I’d definitely rather have the patio.

The last week in May, the Bounce Back virtual book tour will begin. This is your chance to visit with Karen as she travels the blog-o-sphere to talk about her book and to share tips on becoming more resilient – how to bounce back from the adversity and problems we encounter in our lives.

A Bit About the Book -

In The Bounce Back Book the dynamic author whose quirky self-help books-including How to Make Your Man Behave . . . and How to Be Happy, Dammit-mixes from-the-gut wisdom, humor, feistiness, and sophistication to create a hip, inspiring resource that will brighten the darkest mood. The book is grounded in happiness research, psychological studies, Greek philosophy.

And it delivers: Here are 70 easily digestible, potentially life-changing tips on how to bounce back from adversity, each on a spread that’s as punchy in look as it is powerful in message.

“Shrink negativity into nuggetivity.” “Think of yourself as the type of person the world says yes to.” With its attitude, techniques, and advice on everything from exercise to staying connected, it is a full-on guide to moving forward with great positive energy.

What Others Are Saying About the Book

Reviews for The Bounce Back Book by Karen Salmansohn

“The thing that Salmansohn does that so few authors do these days is synthesize the best of what the thought leaders are saying and thinking and putting it into succinct little chunks that are rewarding and enlightening to read. And then she adds her own thoughts and feelings into the mix to deliver a powerful, emotional yet entertaining ride into a better me or you. This is without a doubt her best book yet. The chapters are developed intelligently, each one is a breeze to read and the graphics really add to the user experience of this content. The cool red rubber cover is the bomb! Go ahead and buy one for yourself and some more for your friends because we all have something we’re bouncing back from these days, right?”-Sherman Sall
“Karen Salmansohn’s writing is always bold, playful, insightful – with powerful metaphors that provoke and inspire. Her kinetic graphics amplify her messages and bring her books to a new level of literary experience. She stands out.”
–Deepak Chopra
A Bit About Karen Salmansohn

Karen Salmansohn is an ex Senior VP ad creative director (at age 26) who left her job to pursue her passion of writing – and is now a best selling author with over 1 million books sold.

Journalists call Salmansohn DEEPAK CHOPRA MEETS CARRIE BRADSHAW because of how she merges empowering psychology and philosophy tips with edgy humor and stylish graphics.

Basically, she creates self help books – for people who would never be caught dead reading self help books. Or self help books you can give as a gift – and not get slapped, because they look kinda cool.

For More Information

http://www.amazon.com/Bounce-Back-Book-Adversity-Setbacks/dp/076114627X

http://www.TheBounceBackBookBlog.com

http://www.notsalmon.com/home.html

This is an interview with T.C. Conroy from Karen Salmansohn’s Sirius Radio show, Be Happy Dammit!!

T.C. and Karen Discuss eliminating limiting beliefs and replacing them with thoughts that empower you.

Listen to T.C.’s Sirius radio chat with Karen Salmansohn! Click this text once to stream, or control-click (MAC) / right click (Windows) to download.
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