We’re going to be getting into the swing of our 2007 ‘Douchebag of the Year’ tournament pretty soon here, folks.  Even though we’ve already got a pretty strong contender in the person of Mr. President Tothian: Threatener of Female Bloggers, we wanted to populate the field with a broad and varied selection of douchebags from among whom you, the reader, will be able to vote and pick Ration Reality’s official Douchebag of the Year.  Voting will happen sometime on down the line, once we have enough candidates.

 Now, at Ration Reality, we are first and foremost a comedy site.  We are experienced in the art of finding humor in the mundane, the grim, and at times the downright fucking awful.  You want vomit?  No problem!  You want Neo-Nazis?  We got it covered!  You want incest?  It’s here!

 If you had asked me a few days ago whether I could make the rape of a fucking ten year old girl funny, I would have said something along the lines of ‘*vomit* get the fuck out of my sight!’   Now, sure, I made a comic strip that had some child molestation innuendo in it, but even then – in the end it turns out that the little girl is just ordering a cheeseburger.

But this guy.

This judge.

A ten year old girl got raped in a park and he made a fucking joke out of it.

A little background information, first. 

Keith Fenn is a window cleaner by trade, and a kiddie fucker by avocation.  He’s 25 years old.  His cohort, Darren Wright, is 34. 

These two …   I can’t even bring myself to call them human.  These things found a ten year old girl in the park.  Fenn took her clothes off and fucked her in the park.  Wright brought her back to his house and fucked her there. 

Judge Julian Hall, QC, sentenced Wright to nine months.  He’s already free.  Fenn was sentenced to a twenty-four month sentence and an eighteen month sentence, to be served concurrently, but he will be released in just a few weeks.

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Why such lenient sentences?  Well, according to the BBC:

Judge Hall said in sentencing he faced a moral dilemma as the fact they had sex within 45 minutes of meeting was an absolute crime.

But even this does not really convey the full douchebaggery of Judge Hall.  Let us consult the Oxford Times, his hometown newspaper:

Judge Hall could have jailed paedophile Fenn, 25, for five years for the attack in Henley-on-Thames last year, but called it an “exceptional” case because of the girl’s perceived maturity.

He also said at the sentencing on Friday: “It is quite clear she is a very disturbed child and a very needy child and she is a sexually precocious child. She liked to dress provocatively.”

This is not, however, Judge Hall’s first brush with douchebaggery.  In February he sentenced Eric Cole, a seventy-one year old repeat-offending kiddie fucker.  He got caught putting his hand down the panties of a six year old girl.  Who caught them?  The girl’s mother.  Where did she catch them?  Her own fucking front yard.

What was the sentence?   The Daily Mail says this:

Judge Hall imposed a nine-month suspended jail term on Cole as well as ordering him to attend a sexual offenders’ programme. He also banned him from being alone with children under the age of 16, for five years.

Cole admitted one charge of sexual assault on a child under the age of 13 years. Handing down the sentence, the judge told Cole to pay his victim compensation of £250, adding: “If it buys her a nice new bicycle, that’s the sort of thing that might cheer her up.”

 Now, certainly we, as the public do not know all the circumstances of these cases.  The legal ins-and-outs.  I’m not a lawyer.  Hell, I’m not even British.  But as an American, I’ve got plenty of experience at spotting douchebags.  And Judge Julian Hall: Uncle Sam says that you, sir, are a fucking douchebag.

 So, what is there to do about it?  We’d love to hear suggestions, especially from those readers that might live in the United Kingdom.  Of course, we’d like to ensure that all suggestions remain within the bounds of law – no threats please.  Don’t get us sued. We at RationReality gladly invite lawsuits, but only those we know we can win.

Although, if we lived in Judge Hall’s jurisdiction, I don’t know that we’d be so worried about the consequences of our actions …

-jessecuster

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