“Twenty-Somethings” Promo #1 from Twenty-Somethings on Vimeo.

Created by Kelsey Hightower.

And then I stopped myself.  I thought it was ironic.

As the snow falls down, as did I. I fell, so hard, I felt so cold.

On the inside, as it is, outside.  I look out the window and sigh.

These were the nights, that I wish I could be enjoying right now.

I’d have rushed over.  I’d have asked you to watch with me.

Now anyway, but time as always, was/isn’t on my side.

The more I see it fall, the more I feel empty.

Each flake is a moment in time I can never have back.

A moment in time that I’ll never GET to have in the future.

I stepped outside for a moment, in whatever I had on.

I wanted to feel something, the cold bit me gently.

The flakes caressed my pale skin, and I closed my eyes.

I felt at home in this cold and darkness.

Without you, my fire, this is my new home.

I said to myself “But was it worth the pain“, my retort was simple “How did it feel in your brain?”

Chemicals clearly fired, leading bliss to the cortex, I looked back and said “But sometimes it feels like a vortex.”

“You know, like she’s a whole galaxy, and the only thing that matters in my reality.  So reality changes“

I smile at me and say “Isn’t that the strangest feeling? I know we’d die for her, but couldn’t you just try for her?

She’s finally happy without you in the picture.”   “True but I miss her, and inside of my heart is a mixture.

There’s feelings of love mixed with regret.”  “So what, life isn’t over yet.  Don’t forget, you’re still breathing”

“Yeah and she’s still leaving, and I have to pretend that my heart isn’t bleeding.”

“Moving on is giving up.  Never seeing her face again is like losing my eyesight for eternity.”

“So what, you don’t yearn to be, free, and walking tall? You don’t think you deserve that at all?”

“She wasn’t holding me back, I was holding US back.  And later, was too late, to realize that mistake”

“So just take a step back, and turn the other shoulder.  You ain’t gettin any younger, you’re only getting older.”

“And she’s only getting bolder. There’s so many things I should have told her, back when I used to hold her.”

“But you didn’t so, by gones be by gones.” “There’s no room in my heart, I need to construct additional pylons.”

“This is no time for game jokes, I know it’s a self defense thing. So now you’re losing to yourself in verbal fencing?”

“No you’re point just doesn’t stick, I could give her everything I’ve got if I had one more chance.”

“Yeah, but that’s a pipe dream man.  You burned that bridge, and set fire to the landscape. Why don’t you j….”

“…Just stop trying to convince me I didn’t ruin the best thing, I could have ever been investing, in. 

I could have had the best wife, with the best kids, in the best house, because it would have been ours.”

“Well that’s life, maybe you should use that as a lesson for”

“I might never take another class, this is something I can get “over” but it’s something I can never “get past”"

“You can sit in this room and ponder everything. But remember those bonds you ended up severing.”

As he walked out, he slammed the door, I put my head in my hands like so many times before.

“She was the pinnacle, the peak, her mannerisms when she speaks, I miss it all.”

I look up at the ceiling of the well lit room, I think “One more chance, it was over too soon”

But he had said that so many times before, before he realized his mistakes were absolute.

There was nothing left to do.  He drank another Manhattan, and sent this off to you.

But it was like having someone die, without getting to say goodbye.

It was like watching the only thing you care about burst into flames.

Your entire house crumble, with everything you owned inside.

Like your favorite pet, getting crushed by a passing car.

When your heart burns brighter than a red hot star.

Don’t say not to mope, it’s hard enough to just cope, when I wake up in the morning.

When you’re not on the other side of the bed, and a sigh escapes.

I turn to the other side and pop one of various things.

Maybe if I do enough physical damage, my brain will lose some memories.

But memories aren’t stored in the liver or the kidneys, so who knows.

My heart is like a crime scene, memories outlined in white chalk.

And all the evidence you’ll ever need to see why I’m dead inside,

is laying scattered around a once beating organ, with no fight left.

When you fight for something, that ends up nothing.

Everything feels wasted, effort, time, love, compassion, needs, wants.

What I want is to go to sleep one night, and stay asleep the rest.

Eternally peaceful, no more stress, no more heartache.

No more wishing you were there when I wake.

Because I could supposedly move on, but it seems the case still holds true.

There’s just no appreciation for a good guy, they never want a good guy.

Comment 2: Bigger cups for Mondays!

We’re glad you enjoyed our hospitality and you are welcome to have a refill if you like as long as the pot lasts. Thanks for your comments.

Fabian Harrison
Program Head, Kelsey & Avenue W Libraries

Running away is what I am most comfortable with in all of life. . . So, tonight I’m running to the city I tend to runaway to the most . . .

D.C.

Some of these pretty faces and I are jumping in Ora’s car and driving into the night after this . . . I’m more than excited to see Maria in Annapolis, hang out with Tom [*the last time we saw each other we were sitting in a tiny airport in Indonesia], dance to Sigur Ros, and sit in a hot tub on a roof with Kelsey + Alex.

+ More thoughts on running . . . this article and this:

“People sometimes sneer at those who run every day, claiming they’ll go to any length to live longer. But don’t think that’s the reason most people run. Most runners run not because they want to live longer, but because they want to live life to the fullest. If you’re going to while away the years, it’s far better to live them with clear goals and fully alive then in a fog, and I believe running helps you to do that. Exerting yourself to the fullest within your individual limits: that’s the essence of running, and a metaphor for life — and for me, for writing as whole. I believe many runners would agree” – Haruki Murakami

+ Other recent D.C. trips remembered here and here.

[Photos: Colder winter days full of light in the capitol//Grace Farson]

Emotions and feelings mean nothing in the end.  No more chances, game over friend.

You spend one whole day just drinking and popping pills, hopefully to have a bad reaction.

But it never comes, you were built for this abuse, but your heart wasn’t.

She gave you false hope and said a lot of things she clearly didn’t mean.

Even though you’d have dropped everything, done anything, to give her all you could.

You wanted to get to know her one more time, now that you’re both different.

But love goes unappreciated, it always goes unappreciated.

People will complain when you don’t try, and ignore when you do.  Being a great guy…well..

that’s worthless.

I wake up every day and think about ways I could end it.  I’m just tired of your presence.

I mean in my heart, and the constant sudden changes.

You tell me one thing one day, and one the next, now I’m somehow the bad guy.

I didn’t mislead you, you mislead me….and yet I still want you more than anything.

The heart is a stupid thing, the brain is even worse.  I just wish I owned a pistol.

This could have all been over so long ago, I could’ve been resting peacefully in the ground.

I could have forgotten you, and the rest of he world exist.

Eyes closed, blackness, no more feelings.

It is a lower price-point brand than Kate Spade, aimed at the younger market, ages 20-30. That’s me. I am in love with everything Kate Spade puts her name on and this collection is no exception.  Its bright prints and playful cuts are just what I’m looking for. Unfortunately, even though the price point is significantly lower than the actual Kate Spade, some things are still a little out of my reach.  But considering the amazing sales KS typically has, I have faith that Saturday will be affordable in the future.

Here are a few things I absolutely love from the inaugural collection:

1. Ponte Dress || 2. Shift Dress || 3. Sunnies || 4. Bag

5. Bag || 6. Bracelet

7. Satchel || 8. Mug || 9. Jeans

A few notes: I really love the abstract print (obviously). But I also love how well they branded this.  Everything is supposedly something to be worn on weekends (although I would wear it any day of the week) and everything fits this theme. From their customizable weekender bags, to cute sneakers to Saturday morning coffee mugs. A plus, Kate Spade Saturday.

Friday: Big/Little Reveal
There is nothing more exciting than…well, the excitement of Big/Little Reveal. After weeks of waiting, the littles finally got to find out who they’re bigs are! This is exciting for the littles, the bigs, and the bystanders like myself. (:
The best part, I think, was all of the silly pictures and going to Coldstone with the new members of my ASA family. Yum, ice cream!

Saturday: Activation
All of our new members are officially active! That’s another really exciting thing. It’s not really much of a difference (we still call them the new girls, haha) but it’s enough of a difference. They’re officially a part of our sorority, and that’s a big deal for us and an even bigger deal for them.
We also had the Chicken Wing Eating Contest, which was a fundraiser we hosted to raise money for one of our national philanthropies–Special Olympics. Phi Psi helped us with that, and it was just a really fun experience.

This weekend is formal, which is sure to be just as fun. Lots of dancing and hanging out, and plenty of being silly. I can’t wait!

I hope the rest of your week goes by quickly!
Kelsey

I cut out chore cards from extra thick scrapbook paper in two different colors. One color (green) is for all the bathroom chores. The other color (black & white pattern) is for all the kitchen/dinner chores.

The boys each choose one green and one black & white chore card each day. (They are not allowed to peek when choosing their cards.)

On top of that, we have an extra group of chore cards for a few things that need to be done every single day. They also choose one of those to go along with their bathroom and kitchen chore for the day.

Since my oldest two are 8 & 6, there really isn’t much that they can’t do in the way of chores. It just takes a little bit (sometimes a lot) of instructing on how to do each chore carefully and efficiently. Obviously, you can tailor your chores to fit your children’s ages, and also your home’s needs.

Here are our bathroom chores…

And here are our kitchen/dinner chores…

And finally, here are the extra chores that need to be done daily…

In the Winter, we also had the chore card, “Bring in 5 pieces of firewood” in our daily chore stack since we use our fireplace to heat our home in the colder months. It’s fun to think of new and different chores to go along with each season. I will be adding a “sweep and straighten the front porch” chore card soon.

While Beau and Judson are working on their chores, Lofton (2 yrs) enjoys pushing the broom around, and especially loves it when I hand him a soapy rag to wipe things down. He loves to feel like he’s helping. Maybe starting him early will help him keep his great attitude about pitching in!

So that’s our chore system! I’m curious to know how other moms do it! Please leave a comment and tell us what works best for your home! I’m always eager to implement new ideas!

Happy cleaning,

Kelsey

Believe it or not, I’ve detached myself from my phone, computer, iPad a ton this past year. I used to keep my vibrate on high and sometimes even keep the volume on so I could read my texts right away. Now, though, I’m starting to detach even more, and the more I do, the better it feels.

My newest resolution has been moving my phone’s charging station. While it used to be next to my bed, all of my technology now lives on my desk. Making this move was good for a number of reasons.

For one, because the outlet next to my bed is right above the heater, I have a sneaking suspicion that its been overheating my chargers, because all of them have stopped working this year. I’ve gone through at least 4 different cables. So, my desk seemed like a cooler, safer place.

Second, my alarms are all set on my phone, so now when it goes off in the morning, I have to physically get out of bed to snooze. No, its not that far, but ripping myself from under the covers is literally the biggest struggle every morning, and having to get up, if only for a few seconds, helps get the ball rolling.

Finally, having my phone more than a foot away from my head helps me sleep better. Instead of me waking up every time I get a text or email, or someone tweets at me or likes my Instagram, my phone is far, far away, and I don’t have to deal with any of that nonsense.

In a world where we can, and are constantly connected, I would like to think that I can be detached when I’m sleeping. I know how important sleep is and I value every minute I get. Keeping my phone and other screens away from me during this time helps me relax faster and sleep better.

This world makes it hard to want to disconnect, but once I did I knew it was for the better.

(On Friday, just moments after they arrived, Alex came with me to drop off Brando and Vera the puppy with their new foster while Kelsey stayed at home and managed Pyrrha and Laszlo. Such a blessing! I could not have handled Friday without them!)

They loved on and cared for our new foster, Laszlo.

On Saturday, we took the dogs on a short walk at Pen Park (where these photos were taken). Sunday, Laszlo spent much of his day sleeping on our various laps and being generally adorable.

We were lounging around, eating good food, watching TV, discussing current events, playing with dogs, and NOT running the 10-miler (which may have been one of the best parts). Perfect.

It’s really about time these two high-tailed it out of DC and moved to Charlottesville! I will be a tireless campaigner for that move to happen. How nice it is to have a sister and bro-in-law that you just adore!

Come back soon, K and A!

I’m finally back in the Bronx–if only for a little over a week (perks of going to a Jesuit school)–just in time for my Visual Thinking midterm review. As much as I am not a fan of my professors teaching/critiquing style, I have always really loved painting. It’s pretty therapeutic to me, even when I happen to be doing it for five hours straight on a Saturday night.

It’s always relaxed me; last summer when I was having a really rough and stressful time, my mom bought me a few canvasses and a set of water colors, and it really helped take my mind off of my stressful experiences, as well as relax me for hours on end.

So, here are a few of my favorites, some that I’ve done for class, and some that I did on my own, just for fun. :)

For class:

Just for fun:

**The corgi is actually a card I made Andrew for Valentine’s day. He has it hanging on the wall in his room now at school haha :)

And I got that final push.

How long until I hit the ground and break?

I know it’s coming, and when it does.

I will finally be free.

No more pain.

No more hurt.

No more.

No more.

No more.

We began each morning and ended every night with prayer which was nourishing even when the structure was different from my familiar silent worship. I chose to take workshops on The Theology of Howard Thurman, the L’Arche Community Learning Vulnerability as a Way of Life, and Love Conquering Borders with the Alterna community. They were awesome. I also attend a panel discussion on Seminary and visited Mercy Community Church, which were both well timed adventures for me. Keynote speakers included Anton Flores-Maisonet about breaking cycles of violence, Leroy Barber about what we can learn from slave spirituals, Dr. Anna Carter Florence about teaching others to preach. Aspects of each of their stories spoke directly to me.

Some gems for me from the conference:

-The notion that boundaries need not be stagnant, that they can be fluid and used as a spiritual contemplative practice.

-Speaking to my living situation this year, that idea we as humans begin in community. That even before we experience a sense of self, we experience community.

-I was struck by Thurman’s affirmation of doubt as faithful, of asking as a way of praying.

-And also by the different ways that each of the presenters chose to meld their work and home life in a vocation of the heart.

None of us are finished ever. We are each constantly being shaped and transformed. The conference re-inspired in me a sense of following the divine, of learning to trust, of knowing that doesn’t mean I have to stop asking questions, and of loving my community for what it is. For that, I am grateful.

I started in February, buying this concealer that I’m in love with.  Now, each month I’m going to invest in a new item until my collection is complete.  That way, I can buy myself my treats each month, take more trips to the makeup geniuses and not kill myself at the checkout.

Pretty inventive, right? :)

Side note: I did actually buy lipstick last month but I lost it at a party. :(

Grammer was leaving Bouchon in Bev Hills yesterday when he told us how he took a high-6-figure loss after investing in windmills a while back.

“Big wind is doing OK … but it was a small wind investment and it cost me a lot of money.”

Fortunately for Kels … he’s rich and recovered from his bad investment … but says, “It’s just one of those things that’s just a straight loss.”

View the original article here

All in all, I’m so grateful for the opportunity I had this spring break.
I hope you’re having a great week!
Kelsey