…do vestido de renda da Kirsten Bell.

…do look da Leighton Meester no desfile da Louis Vuitton em Paris.

…do look da Miranda Kerr em Sydney.

There is something terribly wrong with the third season of Heroes. Either that or I am losing my mind. Okay, maybe that part was not very convincing, but really, I get lost at almost every episode. I presume this season is as gripping and as adrenaline inducing (pun intended) as the first two seasons since it already made me forget that I go to work at 9Am and I had to wake up at 7Am, but I forget the episodes easily. And this is weird because I have unusually sharp memory. That was because of the eclipse we had last I-don’t-remember-when and I felt like I was not human anymore, not that I ever thought that I was. I really am a monster, and I eat brains for breakfast. And now I assume you are lost of my random babble. Okay, my real problem is, I don’t remember who Linderman is. Or what power Angela Petrelli has, and how Alejandro (or was his name Alejandro? The brother of Maya) died. I wanted to stop watching but I didn’t want to so I came up with five reasons why I should keep on watching Heroes. Okay, I was lying. I never planned to stop watching Heroes, I just wanted to come up with a list because I love lists. I am that kind of geek. So, ladies and gentlemen, here is a list of the people, or characters, that keep me glued to my TV and will probably keep me glued for the next few years even if I probably would never understand the story anymore because I would soon forget about them. Oh, and spoiler alert-ish. I think most of you who watch Heroes already finished the third season but whatever.

Peter Petrelli

5. Peter Petrelli. Okay, he might be your usual eyecandy and he had a few shirtless episodes that keep women and some gay men watching, but his power is very interesting. He is freaking powerful and he probably is the most powerful of them all since unlike Sylar, he need not kill someone to take their abilities. Very cool. The season also showed his villain-y side or something and there were episodes when the viewers, I presume, were supposed to think that he was the real bad guy. Which suits him, in a way.

Hiro Nakamura

4. Hiro Nakamura. You have a heart of steel, or a sense of humor of a troll if you didn’t laugh when Tracy called her Pikachu. It was hilarious. I like Hiro mainly because he’s a geek. And I have always been a sucker for geeks, so yeah. I guess he was just overstereotyped, if that word really exists. His New York city scene where he shouted ‘I did it’ didn’t hurt either. He is one of the easy-to-fall-in-love-with characters in Heroes, the loser kid who is depreciated by his father which makes him seek his approval but he is so geeky that he just plays his PSP most of the time or read mangas that make his look childish. I am in a lot of ways like him. Except for the father part. Oh, and he is also the master of Space and Time.

Elle

3. Elle. Yes. That blonde girl raised to be an agent who has some 5000 volts inside her body. She is very mysterious and very likeable, despite the fact that she is a villain. She also seems to have a very special connection with Sylar, which was only shown in this season, or not, I don’t remember really. I wonder why I never saw her in any other TV shows or movies. Kirsten Bell. She is very pretty and she seems like she could be on par with Hilary Duff or Mandy Moore, except she looks sneakier, bitchier, and evil-er. Her pair up with Sylar is beyond me, they’re too sexy together you can’t help but wish they’d break up. Or that one of them dies *cough Elle cough*

Sylar

2. Sylar. or Zachary Quinto, that very hot yet very cuddly (really, now) villain of Heroes who likes eating brains and is ironically named Gabriel after an angel. Although I am not really sure if that angel was a good angel because I never really payed attention to my Christian Living classes when I was still in highschool. I used to think that he was creepy. Anthony Hopkins kind of creepy, just his voice makes all the hair in my body alert for danger. But well, he is one of the (if not the) most beautiful actors in the series. Him being there is reason enough to watch the ever so forgetful TV series called Heroes. Oh, and he paired up with Elle, for a while at least. That could not get any better.

Claire Bennett

1. Claire Bennett. Played by one of the most promising stars of today, Hayden Panettiere. Okay, so I really have no basis for saying that, it’s just that I have a huge crush on her and I have had that crush ever since her Bring it on: All or Nothing times. I am a sucker with cheerleaders as much as I am for geeks. Which, now that I think about it, is a little weird. I am both attracted to popular and not so popular kids who struggle through highschool mostly. Anyways, the stunning Claire Bennett is invincible and has been one of the most important characters in the series since the first season. Save the cheerleader, save the world. Even Sylar said that she was different. And special. I could so marry Sylar– except he might eat my brain and steal my X-Ray vision ability. Okay, that’s a little creepy. Scratch that. Like Elle and Sylar, she has Daddy issues too. Poor Claire Bennet is always being left behind by his adoptive parent, Noah. Oh Claire. I could babysit you for a day or two. While we’re at it, teach me how to do numerous cartwheels that make other people’s jaws drop.

+++

You probably finished watching the third season of Heroes alreeady. Or have stopped watching Heroes like most people for reasons that are so obvious. I just made this list because  Ilove making lists. I always have, even when I was still a child. I used to tally how many times some product advertisements appear on TV then tell my Yaya back then what the top commercials were, based on the number of times they were shown on TV. I am such a weird bastard.

Imagens das últimas semanas que você gostaria de apreciar:

Isabel Lucas, a vilãzinha de Transformers, pedindo passagem.

Hillary Duff curtindo uma praia...

Paris Hilton passeando por Dubai

Sienna Miller de biquini por aí

Kristen Bell também vai a praia

Kelly Carlson na praia, mas gravando Nip/Tuck

Hayden Panettiere na revista Details

Rihanna e uma estrela prateada

Kirsten Bell som Veronica Mars

SVT har i någon konstig blandning av generositet och missriktad effektivitets-tänk beslutat sig för att köra sex-sju avsnitt av TV-serien Veronica Mars på förmiddagarna, flera dagar i rad.  Inte nog med att det är i stort sett unikt för SVT (och mer likt Kanal 5, välsigne dem). Inte nog med att det gör det extremt svårt för gemene man att börja titta på serien – jag menar, vem, förutom de arbetslösa, pensionärerna och möjligen de sjukskrivna (se tidigare inlägg) är hemma i flera timmar utan något att göra? Så litet har inte studenter att göra och det är inga lov nu. Alla har inte heller möjligheten att spela in så många timmar i rad. Nej, inte nog med det. De har gjort det här utan några större åthävor: inte särskilt mycket reklam i förväg. De vill med andra ord inte att man ska kunna upptäcka den här serien. Och jag har redan haft svårt att hitta den, när jag väl hade upptäckt den, att faktiskt lyckas pricka in tiden där på vardagseftermiddagar. Vafalls? Har de ingen känsla för feeling. Det här är en kvällsserie. Inte prime time, kanske, men väl en serie som kan gå kl 19 på onsdagkvällar. Framför allt med tanke på att serien innehåller en hel del saker som barn kanske inte brukar titta på, men ungdomar är mycket intresserade av, så vore det en bättre deal.

Någon har helt enkelt inte gillat Veronica Mars och velat ta ut soporna.

Fra le nuove tendenze c’è il fucsia. Total look o solo in pillole, non deve mancare nelle mise casual a cui si vuole dare un tocco di eccentricità. Segue il trend anche Kristen Bell, l’attrice conosciuta con “Veronica Mars”, poi diventata una dei cattivi di “Heroes” e scelta come voce fuori campo di “Gossip Girl”. La giovane, attrice in occasione degli Scream Awards a Los Angeles, ha sfoggiato un look decisamente anni ‘80.

Mini dress striato luccicante, clutch bag fucsia e rossetto in tinta. Voi che ne dite? accoglierete il trend o lo lascerete alle più trasgressive?

Autore: Sonia Grispo

Salt, Sugar. Beer, Whisky. Black, Blue. Red Wine, White Shirts. Speed Limits, Taxi Drivers. Chocolate, Baked Beans. Gary Glitter, Primary Schools. Somethings just don’t go together!! One that I missed off as you might have guessed is Comedy and Romance. Now I know hundreds of you out there will be screaming right now “Mr Happy you don’t know what your chatting about!!.” However, I can honestly say I have seen many good Romance films and hundreds of brilliant Comedy films but I really feel that I have never seen a great Romantic Comedy. 

Yesterday I watched “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” staring  Jason Segel, Kirsten Bell and Russell Brand and it left me thinking: If they were to concentrate on one aspect, Comedy or Romance, then the film would be much better because in parts it is funny and in part it is sweet but adding them both together only detracts from making either one great. 

I am sure many people yearly go and see these so called Rom-Com’s but I put it to them: Watch “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” or “10 Things I Hate About You” or Even “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” and then watch a compilation of films like: “Titanic”, “Anchorman”, “Ghost” and “Meet The Parents” and tell me what was more rewarding. 

This leads us to think about society theses days. We live in a society that wants everything in one: Mobile phones that include call, text, e-mail, sat nat, mp3; TV’s that have dvd players, satellite tuners and VHS player built in; Printers that are also scanners, copiers and fax machines. Yes it might be  simpler and more convenient but personally I would rather carry several top quality things around than one that includes several mediocre gadgets (says the man that owns an iPhone!!) Anyway back to film…..

Comedy is something which I feel very strongly about and bad comedy hurts me!! Somethings should never be mixed and comedy and anything else is one of them- Don’t get me started on Wes Cravens Vampire In Brooklyn (Comedy and Horror Moron!). This won’t make any difference to film directors anywhere but “Hey Ho Lets Go”

“This is no Bridget Jones

This is no Bridget Bridget”

Oh I just got two in! Booya!!

Peace Out

Mr Happy xxxx

Another Japanese thriller/horror remake uses empty space to amp up the tension. 

Quite a soft thriller with noises, shadows and computer imagery used to scare the audience.  With only a few slightly gross scenes, zombies and ashes to illustrate the story, this is not a film who’ll have nightmares from.

Both Dexter and Mattie keep the pace of the story up with frantic running, shame most of Dexter’s back story is in the deleted scenes section.

Yawnable- try and keep awake.

2/5

-Mattie

Săptămâna asta am fost la film. Mi-a fost cam greu să mă concentrez pentru că aveam şi eu emoţii pentru ce ştiam foarte bine că va urma. Cred că numai Mona s-a bucurat cu adevărat de film pentru că era singura care credea că chiar am fost la film ca să ne uităm la film. Trecând peste asta, am reuşit să fiu totuşi atentă şi să mă bucur de el. Mi-a plăcut pentru că este amuzant şi romantic, are personaje şi decoruri frumoase, Sarah Marshall este interpretată de o actriţă care îmi place mie (am urmărit-o în Veronica Mars şi am ascultat-o în Gossip Girl), are final fericit (cel puţin pentru unele personaje).

[Kristen Bell recebe ajuda com protetor solar do namorado.]

A atriz Kristen Bell resolveu aproveitar tempo livre para “ganhar uma cor” de pele nova.

Bell passou o dia em uma praia em Malibu, acompanhada de seu namorado, Dax Sheppard, que inclusive lhe ajudou com o protetor solar.

.

Fonte: Egotastic

Läs även andra bloggares åsikter om Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Dumpad, Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Kirsten Bell, Mila Kunis, Bill Hader, Jonah Hill, Nicholas Stoller, Judd Apatow, DVD, Recension, Film, 2008, Rekommenderad, Köptips, Köpfilm

It seems as though Hollywood has been going crazy over what could possibly be a trend. I don’t know if I can call it that though, because the style itself is not something I would try or recommend. I’m talking about tucking your jeans into your sandals/heels:

Tucking your jeans in your boots is fine, but if you are wearing strappy sandals or gladiator heels I definitely say no. Kimtries out every trend so when I saw this on her I thought “ok, this must be ‘it’”. But I don’t recommend you do it.

Will you ladies be trying this trend(?) out?

Sources confirmed that Veronica Mars (Kirsten Bell) is coming back on Heroes season 3 as Elle Bishop, they say she’s gonna stay on the show for at least 5 episodes, let’s make her a regular damn!

“Nie wieder Sex mit der Ex” ist eine amerikanische Komödie und lief am 12.06.08 in den deutschen Kinos an. Der Trailer und weitere Informationen sind bei IMDb erhältlich.

Die Boulevard Presse handelt den Krimiserien-Star Sarah Marshall (Kirsten Bell) und den TV Komponisten Peter Bretter (Jason Segel) als das Traumpaar Hollywoods. Doch plötzlich verlässt Sarah Peter und beendet damit die fünfeinhalbjährige Beziehung. Dies Stürzt Peter in tiefe Depressionen. Um die Trennung zu verarbeiten sucht Peter Abstand in einem Luxus-Hotel auf Hawaii. Aber Sarah macht gerade zufällig im selben Hotel urlaub mit ihrem neuen Freund den Sänger Aldous Snow (Russel Brand). Deshalb sind die Tage auf der Pazifikinsel für Peter die reinste Qual, aber nur solange bis er der Rezeptionistin Rachel (Mila Kunis) über dem Weg läuft.

Schenkelklopferhumor ist bei “Nie wieder Sex mit der Ex” nicht vorhanden, denn die Gags sind deutlich langsamer und explodieren nicht ständig. Der Film hat vieles von einer Realsatire, also kurz gesagt ist der Film sehr britisch. Dieser Film ist eine hoffungsvolle Jammerlappen- Verspottung und denoch lädt die Kulisse von Hawaii zum Träumen ein. Diese Komödie ist nicht nur für die Herren der Schöpfung,sondern auch die Damen werden viel Spaß in diesem Film haben. Deswegen vergebe ich 8 von 10 Punkten.

The Big News writing staff is hard at work crafting great comedy each week for your enjoyment. And thanks to Al Gore, there’s a place for those jokes that can’t fit into the show – the Internet! To see what did make it in, stop by iO West in Hollywood on Sunday nights from 10 to 11!

Barack Obama released seven years of tax returns on Tuesday, putting pressure on presidential rival Hillary Clinton to make her returns public. Not to be outdone, John McCain has released 130 years of tax filings.

Barack Obama released seven years of tax returns on Tuesday, putting pressure on presidential rival Hillary Clinton to make her returns public. Not to be outdone, John McCain has released his notes from the First Continental Congress.

On Tuesday, Barack Obama released his tax returns from the past seven years. However, instead of writing down actual dollar amounts, he just wrote “Yes We Can” over and over.

Hillary Clinton admitted she misspoke when claiming that, as First Lady in 1996, she arrived in Bosnia “under sniper fire”, and blamed her error on sleep deprivation. Clinton then complained she’s sleep deprived because her phone keeps ringing at 3am with people wanting her to solve a bunch of pain-in-the-ass problems.

Hillary Clinton’s campaign said she “misspoke” last week when saying she had landed under sniper fire during a trip to Bosnia as first lady in March 1996. Although no one was shooting at her, Hillary did wear a bulletproof pantsuit as a precaution.

The latest NBC/Wall Street Journal poll shows Hillary Clinton has sunk to her lowest approval rating at 37%. Ironically, the low rating actually makes Clinton seem more presidential.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. Reagan described McCain as “a nice young man.”

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday after McCain promised to use all of the power of his office to find out where that nasty draft was coming from and where the dang heck she left the TV remote, and to extend the Denny’s Early Bird specials to weekends

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. While most analysts predicted Reagan would eventually endorse McCain, many were fearful she would have to make the endorsement from the grave.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. The two reminisced about the time they spent as next-door neighbors in Bedrock.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. McCain then used a Ouija board to receive the endorsement of Ronald Reagan.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. Unfortunately, McCain then hugged Mrs. Reagan too hard and she crumbled to dust.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. This is Mrs. Reagan’s second most important endorsement since fire.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president on Tuesday. In a related story, both McCain and Mrs. Reagan have officially endorsed Polygrip Denture Glue.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. Reagan and McCain then both fell down and were unable to get up.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. Then the two headed to the local Sizzler for a delicious 4:30pm dinner.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. They then fell asleep on the couch watching reruns of Murder She Wrote.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. McCain described Reagan as “jailbait.”

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. Mrs. Reagan was filled with fond memories of watching McCain’s biography “10,000 BC”.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan endorsed John McCain for president Tuesday. She is tight-lipped about past romance rumors, refusing to tell naughty tales from the crypt.

This week John McCain released his first campaign ad aimed at the general election. The Senator revealed his platform of strong national defense, high fiber and frequent naps.

Mitt Romney made his first appearance on the campaign trail with John McCain at a fund-raising event in Salt Lake City. GOP representatives hailed the partnership with Romney, who finally will add the voice of insanely rich white men to the Republican party.

During a speech on foreign policy last week, John McCain said that a premature withdrawal from Iraq could mean a genocidal civil war. He added that a premature withdrawal would also mean that he’s too old for Viagra.

Longshot presidential candidate Mike Gravel told supporters last week that he is leaving the Democratic Party to join the Libertarian Party. Responded the Democratic party, “Who?”

The Pentagon has admitted that it mistakenly shipped part of the triggering mechanism for four nuclear warheads to Taiwan in 2006. The warhead triggers were supposed to go to Japan for use in the fight against Godzilla.

The Pentagon has admitted that it mistakenly shipped part of the triggering mechanism for four nuclear warheads to Taiwan in 2006. The triggers will be assembled by child labor, and then sold back to the US at a higher cost.

The Pentagon has admitted that it mistakenly shipped part of the triggering mechanism for four nuclear warheads to Taiwan in 2006. The triggers were then sold to China, coated with lead paint and sold back to American children as Toxic Irony Robots.

The Pentagon has admitted that it mistakenly shipped part of the triggering mechanism for four nuclear warheads to Taiwan in 2006. It’s the biggest shipment mistake by a government agency this year, unless you count the time Child Protective Services accidentally gave Britney Spears’ children back to her.

A gun belonging to the pilot of a US Airways plane went off as the aircraft was on approach to land in North Carolina over the weekend, the first time a weapon issued under a federal program to arm pilots was fired. Luckily, no one was hurt, although the pilot did spill his beer.

A gun belonging to the pilot of a US Airways plane went off over the weekend, marking the first time a weapon issued under a federal program to arm pilots was fired. The incident also marked the last time a child ever entered the cockpit to get his or her wings.

A gun belonging to the pilot of a US Airways plane went off over the weekend, marking the first time a weapon issued under a federal program to arm pilots was fired. It also marks the first time a pilot had a shot during a flight that did not contain alcohol.

Last week, the Florida Legislature passed a resolution that formally apologized for the state’s history of slavery. No word yet on when the state plans on apologizing for giving us President George W. Bush.

Last week, the Florida Legislature passed a resolution that formally apologized for the state’s history of slavery. Florida then apologized to the rest of the Confederacy for selling out.

Blind New York governor David Paterson revealed in an interview last weekend that he had previously used cocaine. In his defense, Paterson said he was told it was just a really powdery Kleenex.

Blind New York governor David Paterson revealed in an interview last weekend that he had previously used cocaine. In his defense, Paterson said he was told it was just heroin.

Blind New York governor David Paterson revealed in an interview last weekend that he had previously used cocaine. In his defense, Patterson said he only used the drug to help him pick up chicks.

Both New York Governor David Paterson and his wife admit to having extramarital affairs. Clearly, his wife also has a wandering eye.

Following last week’s news by New York’s new Governor David Paterson that he was guilty of extramarital affairs, his wife announced that she also had failed to remain faithful. Paterson responded that he did not see that coming.

Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and a former aide were charged Monday with perjury and obstruction of justice after prosecutors said sexually explicit text messages between the two contradicted their sworn court testimony. Anyone who has been sexually involved with either party should get texted, since when you text someone, you are texting everyone they’ve ever texted.

American Airlines canceled 200 flights last week to give crews the opportunity to inspect equipment aboard its aircrafts. Specifically, the crews hope to make sure the equipment isn’t affected by being completely covered in sperm.

American Airlines canceled 200 flights last week to give crews the opportunity to inspect equipment aboard its aircrafts. And to give the pilots time to sleep off their hangovers.

American Airlines canceled 200 flights last week to give crews the opportunity to inspect equipment aboard its aircrafts. The crew finally had an opportunity to test their own equipment during “Mile High Club” experiments.

Of the 28,000 daily commercial airline in the United States, fewer than one percent are protected by on-board, armed federal air marshals. Instead, planes are protected by on-board projectile semen reserves.

Of the 28,000 daily commercial airline in the United States, fewer than one percent are protected by on-board, armed federal air marshals. But thank God we’re still safe from anyone carrying a 6 oz. bottle of water.

Last week, the Supreme Court ruled that female inmates have a constitutional right to have abortions off the jail grounds. However, they will still have to be performed with a shiv.

Last week, the Supreme Court ruled that female inmates have a constitutional right to have abortions off the jail grounds. The ruling was made after too many failed abortions using the electric chair.

China vowed strict security for the Olympic torch relay through restive Tibet on Monday as protesters tried to disrupt the torch lighting ceremony in Greece. The plan is to have 7-foot-six-inch Houston Rockets star Yao Ming carry the torch so that none of the protesters can reach it.

Last week, the LA City Council approved a $5-and-a-half million dollar contract to install video cameras inside 300 LAPD squad cars. The LAPD signed the contract with the hopes of capitalizing on the current popularity of people being tasered on YouTube.

Last week, the LA City Council approved a $5-and-a-half million dollar contract to install video cameras inside 300 LAPD squad cars. As part of the contract, the LAPD will create their own channel on YouTube devoted to the city’s best taserings.

Last week, the LA City Council approved a $5-and-a-half million dollar contract to install video cameras inside 300 LAPD squad cars. However, the LAPD thinks the cameras would be more effective if they were installed in their tasers.

Last week, the LA City Council approved a $5-and-a-half million dollar contract to install video cameras inside 300 LAPD squad cars. Union cameramen for “Cops” have filed a protest with the city.

Last week, the LA City Council approved a $5-and-a-half million dollar contract to install video cameras inside 300 LAPD squad cars. In response, FOX is pitching a new pilot entitled, “COPS 2: No, Seriously, They’re Doing Research.”

Pamela Anderson’s marriage to Rick Salomon has been annulled. The judge granted the annulment after determining that Anderson is already legally married to silicon.

Pamela Anderson’s marriage to Rick Salomon has been annulled. Solomon is now legally free to spread herpes elsewhere.

Pamela Anderson’s marriage to Rick Salomon has been annulled. It took Salomon two weeks to realize they weren’t making a sexual reference.

Dr. Pepper will give a free can of soda to everyone in America if Guns ‘N’ Roses releases a new album this year. In a related move, if Hootie & the Blowfish release a new album this year, everyone gets a free can of Diet Fresca.

After nearly 19 years of marriage, Robin Williams is getting a divorce. It seems that his wife Marsha had beat him to the punchline.

Robin Williams is divorcing his wife of nearly 19 years. In lieu of moving out, Mr. Williams will wear a fat suit and prosthetic nose while pretending to be the couple’s 75-year-old British maid.

After nearly 19 years of marriage, Robin Williams is getting a divorce. Fans hope that the painful breakup will cause Williams to do cocaine again, so he can once more be funny.

Denise Richards, whose divorce from Charlie Sheen was finalized in 2006, won a court ruling last week allowing her to remove the Sheen from her last name. She’s now gone back to her maiden name, Tits McGee.

Pop star George Michael is planning to tour the United States for the first time in 17 years. Michael will perform in both large arenas and small gas station restrooms.

Pop star George Michael is planning to tour the United States for the first time in 17 years. Michael will be joined on tour by opening band “Larry Craig and the Men’s Room 5.”

Pop star George Michael is planning to tour the United States for the first time in 17 years. Unfortunately for George Michael, his tour is all in Eli Stone’s head.

CNN Headline News has announced it will broadcast a new half-hour comedy show starting in April called “Not Just Another Cable News Show”. Executives envision a program along the lines of “The Glenn Beck Show,” except that viewers will be laughing with the network.

CNN Headline News has announced it will broadcast a new half-hour comedy show starting in April called Not Just Another Cable News Show. Currently, the only time you see comedy on CNN is when President Bush gives a press conference.

CNN Headline News has announced it will broadcast a new half-hour comedy show starting in April called Not Just Another Cable News Show. By mid-April CNN Headline News is expected to announce that this has become Just Another Canceled Cable News Show.

According to Variety, “Napoleon Dynamite” star Jon Heder has signed to star alongside Kirsten Bell and Dax Shepard in the Disney romantic comedy “When in Rome”. Early word on the film is that critics expect it to suck more than Romulus and Remus.

According to Variety, “Napolean Dynamite” star Jon Heder has signed to star alongside Kirsten Bell and Dax Shepard in the Disney romantic comedy “When in Rome”. Richard Roeper calls the movie, “further proof that Disney should stop making romantic comedies.”

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home to install TV wires accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. Unfortunately, the man still had to hire a professional installer that charged him up the ying yang.

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home while trying to install a satellite television system accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. On the plus side, at least he’ll never have to fight with her over the remote control.

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home while trying to install a satellite television system accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. Fortunately the Missouri Federal Prison just upgraded to 96 channels in full HD from Direct TV.

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home while trying to install a satellite television system accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. Now he can watch all the porn he wants.

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home while trying to install a satellite television system accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. Well, that taught her to stop nagging from the other room.

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home while trying to install a satellite television system accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. In response, the website “How To Install Your Satellite Television System Using Only Your Firearm.com” has been shut down.

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home to install a satellite TV system accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. A Missouri judge will arraign the man on charges of manslaughter sometime between 8am and 5pm on Tuesday.

A Missouri man who fired a gun through the wall of his home to install a satellite TV system accidentally shot and killed his wife on the other side of the wall. In lieu of flowers, the man asks mourners to send him a Laz-E-Boy.

About 70 percent of Afghans do not have access to safe drinking water. On the bright side, about 95 percent of Afghans do have access to Starbucks coffee.

About 70 percent of Afghans do not have access to safe drinking water. On the bright side, about 90 percent of Afghans do have access to cool, refreshing AK-47s and thirst-quenching RPGs and hand grenades.

About 70 percent of Afghans do not have access to safe drinking water. On the bright side, about 90 percent of Afghans do have access to cool, refreshing heroin.

A new study revealed about 70 percent of Afghans do not have access to safe drinking water. A State Department study also shows that 70% of America’s combat troops don’t have access to Al Queda in Afghanistan because they’re in deployed in Iraq.

Texas had four metropolitan areas with the biggest population growths in 2007. However, the population is expected to decrease significantly once the state goes through with its next round of executions.

According to the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, 1 out of every 10 people in Ohio receive food stamps. The other 90% of Ohioans receive cigarette stamps.

According to the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services,1 out of every 10 people in Ohio receive food stamps. The other 90% of Ohioans had to actually pay for their Milwaukee’s Best Light.

A Tacoma, Washington Starbucks employee has successfully donated a kidney to a regular customer. Even though the kidney was free, the coffee still cost the customer an arm and a leg.

A Tacoma, Washington Starbuck’s employee has successfully donated a kidney to a regular customer. While the new kidney saved the woman’s life, the customer now pees double shot mochaccino lattes.

Retail giant Wal-Mart lost a case this week to trademark their famous yellow smiley face as featured in stores and in their marketing campaigns. However, Walmart has retained their trademark on not providing health care and paying below minimum wage.

Wal-Mart has recovered almost half a million dollars from a former employee who suffered brain damage from a car accident while employed by the retail giant. Ironically, before the accident, the woman was the only Wal-Mart employee who did not have brain damage.

Twenty people were injured after a train derailed on the Long Island Rail Road in New York. Authorities are calling it Long Island’s biggest track wreck since Joey Buttafuoco.

In his new book, Jose Canseco accuses Alex Rodriguez of taking steroids. Except during the playoffs.

A woman in Texas is demanding an apology from the TSA after she was forced to remove her nipple rings with pliers in order to pass through airport security. The TSA not only apologized to the woman, but promised the next time she could use her boyfriend’s teeth.

A woman going through airport security in Lubbock Texas was forced to remove her nipple rings with a pair of pliers. The TSA claims that the woman appeared to be smuggling a pair of ballistic missiles onto the plane and that they were merely attempting to disarm them.

A woman going through airport security in Lubbock Texas was forced to remove her nipple rings with a pair of pliers. The woman is suing the TSA for publicly humiliating her by exposing the colossal stupidity of wearing nipple rings through airport security.

A woman going through airport security in Lubbock Texas was forced to remove her nipple rings with a pair of pliers. The man behind her was relieved that with all the fuss the TSA officers failed to detect his stainless steel butt plug.

The Kilauea volcano on the Big Island in Hawaii is pumping out unprecedented amounts of gas that could threaten local neighborhoods. Health officials are describing the situation as “worse than when Rosie O’Donnell visited.”

The Kilauea volcano on the Big Island in Hawaii is pumping out unprecedented amounts of gas that could threaten local neighborhoods. Health officials are describing the situation as worse than John McCain after all you can eat pork chop night at the VFW.

The Kilauea volcano on the Big Island in Hawaii is pumping out unprecedented amounts of gas that could threaten local neighborhoods. The volcano is causing the biggest gas problem in the state since the opening of the first Hawaiian White Castle.

According to a new survey, comprehensive sex education, which includes teaching teens about birth control, STDs and pregnancy, is more likely to avoid pregnancy than the abstinence-only method. Another way to prevent teens from getting pregnant is to let them see how fat Jamie Lynn Spears is getting.

According to a new survey, comprehensive sex education, which includes teaching teens about birth control, STDs and pregnancy, is more likely to help them avoid pregnancy than the abstinence-only method. Unfortunately, they will go to hell.

According to a new survey, comprehensive sex education, which includes teaching teens about birth control, STDs and pregnancy, is more likely to help them avoid pregnancy than the abstinence-only method. However, the best way to avoid teen pregnancy is still abortion

According to a new survey, comprehensive sex education, which includes teaching teens about birth control, STDs and pregnancy, is more likely to help them avoid pregnancy than the abstinence-only method. However, the best way to avoid teen pregnancy is by not living in the Midwest.

According to a new survey, comprehensive sex education, which includes teaching teens about birth control, STDs and pregnancy, is more likely to help them avoid pregnancy than the abstinence-only method. Midwest educational experts have reluctantly agreed, hoping to lower the percentage of teenage boys fathering illegitimate sheep.

Fueled by the rising popularity of soft drinks and fast-food restaurants, Mexico has become the second fattest nation in the world after the United States. That’s because the only people left in Mexico are those who are too fat to sneak across the border.

Fueled by the rising popularity of soft drinks and fast-food restaurants, Mexico has become the second fattest nation in the world after the United States. Especially because its citizens no longer have to run across the border to get a job.

Last week in Naperville, Illinois, a man stole a 2-month-old Pomeranian puppy valued at nearly $1500 from a pet store. In response, Ellen DeGeneres cried about it on national television.

A government laptop computer containing the names, birthdays, medical record numbers and diagnoses of patients who participated in a heart disease clinical trial study, conducted by NHLBI from 2001 to 2007, was stolen on February 23 from the trunk of a senior employee’s car. Dick Cheney was apprehended and plans to release a public apology sometime next week.

The San Francisco Giants have removed tributes to Barry Bonds from their stadium. The club, however, will keep a plaque in the ballpark to commemorate Bonds’s record-breaking home run and will also display a leftover syringe dipped in HGH.

Yale University has started offering a course called “Christian Theology and Harry Potter”, which use the seven books to examine Christian themes such as sin, evil and resurrection. Unfortunately, the course does not tackle the question of when adults readers of Harry Potter will grow up.

Yale University has started offering a course called “Christian Theology and Harry Potter”, which use the seven books to examine Christian themes such as sin, evil and resurrection. At the graduate level, the course will actually crucify actor Daniel Radcliffe to death to see if he arises after three days.

Yale University has started offering a course called “Christian Theology and Harry Potter”, which uses the seven Harry Potter books to examine Christian themes such as sin, evil and resurrection. The Bible is also being used to examine Harry Potter themes such as flying broomsticks, invisibility cloaks, and unicorns.

Yale University has started offering a course called “Christian Theology and Harry Potter”, which uses the seven Harry Potter books to examine Christian themes such as sin, evil and resurrection. The course will examine what causes true believers to: suspend logic to accommodate allegorical fiction, stand in long lines to worship, and/or kill non-believers.

Yale University has started offering a course called “Christian Theology and Harry Potter”, which uses the seven Harry Potter books to examine Christian themes such as sin, evil and resurrection. As a result, President Bush plans on going back to Yale to learn about magic.

Yale University has started offering a course called “Christian Theology and Harry Potter”, which uses the seven Harry Potter books to examine Christian themes such as sin, evil and resurrection. At least that class should be less controversial than “Art 201: Drawing Inflammatory Caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed.”

Yale University has started offering a course called “Christian Theology and Harry Potter”, which uses the seven Harry Potter books to examine Christian themes such as sin, evil and resurrection. The course is using the Harry Potter books because they’re slightly more believable than the Bible.

New research suggests that having a large stomach in midlife increases the chances of someone getting dementia as they get older. The risk of dementia also increases if your last name is Spears.

New research suggests that having a large stomach in midlife increases the chances of someone getting Alzheimer’s as they get older. Unfortunately, they never forget to eat.

Adobe Software has launched a free version of its Photoshop picture editing software online. The company hopes the free software will allow consumers to more effectively cut-and-paste Scarlett Johannsen into hardcore pornography.

Adobe Software has launched a free version of its Photoshop picture editing software online. The company hopes the free software will allow consumers to create more effective LOLcatz.

Ultimate fighting teams have expanded in Missouri to include kids as young as six. However, some tough tikes were disqualified for breaking rule #1: Do NOT talk about fight club!…before bedtime.

Brian Sliter, a registered sex offender who was caught in a police sting while trying to arrange sex with a 15-year-old girl on the Internet, is running for mayor of his small Texas town. Sliter’s campaign plans on highlighting the fact that he’s already gotten the raping out of his system.

Sliter plans on campaigning door-to-door, which analysts predict will cost him the all-important “those living within 100 feet from a park or school” vote.

Brian Sliter, a registered sex offender who was caught in a police sting while trying to arrange sex with a 15-year-old girl on the Internet, is running for mayor of his small Texas town. His previous experience was showing up uninvited dressed up as Mayor McCheese at various McDonald’s Playlands.

Brian Sliter, a registered sex offender who was caught in a police sting while trying to arrange sex with a 15-year-old girl on the Internet, is running for mayor of his small Texas town. Sliter may not be qualified to be mayor, but he’s already got the right experience to be the governor of New York.

According to new research, obese women are less likely to receive the recommended tests for cervical and breast cancer than women of a healthy weight. The tests are more difficult to perform on obese women since doctors cannot tell which ones are actually their breasts.

According to new research, obese women are less likely to receive the recommended tests for cervical and breast cancer than women of a healthy weight. However, obese women are much more likely to receive an order of fries on the side.

According to new research, obese women are less likely to receive the recommended tests for cervical and breast cancer than women of a healthy weight. Unfortunately for these patients, traditional tests can’t differentiate between aggressive cancers and the thin people inside them struggling to get out.

According to new research, obese women are less likely to receive the recommended tests for cervical and breast cancer than women of a healthy weight. Obese women are are also less likely to receive free drinks from men in bars.

A California aerospace company plans to enter the space tourism industry with a two-seat rocket ship capable of suborbital flights to altitudes more than 37 miles above the Earth. From space, tourists will be able to see the Great Wall of China, the Sahara Desert, and the flaws in Hillary Clinton’s campaign.

Scientists say that a small piece of jawbone found in Europe is around 1.3 million years old. After examining the bone, the scientists say they plan to return it to its home inside of John McCain

A Finnish tourist issued an apology Thursday for tearing an ear from one of the famous Easter Island statues. Apparently a genealogist had just recently told him that his lineage could be traced to both Van Gogh and Mike Tyson.

And finally, Herb Peterson, the creator of McDonald’s Egg McMuffin, died Tuesday at age 89. In honor of his legendary sandwich, Peterson will be buried inside what appears to be his final invention: a circular casket topped with a slice of cheese and Canadian bacon called, “The McCoffin.”