In yesterday’s post I shared some excerpts from N.T. Wright’s The Kingdom New Testament: A Contemporary Translation (HarperOne, 2011). Today I’d like to share a few random observations regarding this fine work.

* The binding is a quality hardback which lies flat at any opening except for the first few pages. No softcover or electronic version is available yet.

* The text appears in a very readable single-column format.

* The only notes, footnotes, or comments are headings for the Biblical text. All of the headings appear in the side margins rather than within the text, a practice reminiscent of times gone by, and one, frankly, I find very helpful.

* Obvious OT quotes appear in italics.

* As to textual variants, know that both long and short endings to Mark’s Gospel are included and John 7:53-8:11 is included in the text without note, comment, or formatting in regard to its authenticity.

* The inclusion of 39 simple, black and white maps is a real plus. As you might guess, 35 of the 39 relate to Acts. The maps do not appear together in one place, but are scattered throughout the Biblical text, wherever they might be of most practical use. There is an index to these maps near the front of the volume. All of the maps, save one, include a scale of miles in both miles and kilometers.

* The preface is six-and-one-half pages of “classic Wright” (i.e. – crystal clarity laced with insight and wit). Lovers of Wright will not be disappointed. For example, take the opening sentence: “The first thing that happened in the life of the church was translation.”

* This work is a translation. In Wright’s words: “It’s a translation, not a paraphrase. I have tried to stick closely to the original. But, as with all translations, even within closely related modern English languages, there are always going to be places where you simply can’t do it word for word. To do so would be ‘correct’ at one level and deeply incorrect at another. There is no ‘safe’ option: all translation is risky, bit it’s a risk we have to take.”

* As to why yet another English translation of the New Testament, Wright says: “… translating the New Testament is something that, in fact, each generation ought to be doing. This is a special, peculiar, and exciting point about the very nature of Christian faith. Just as Jesus taught us to pray for our daily bread, our bread for each day, we can never simply live on yesterday’s bread, on the interpretations and translations of previous generations. … Inherited spiritual capital may help you get started, but you need to do fresh work for yourself, to think things through, to struggle and pray and ponder and try things out … a new translation … is a key tool for that larger task.”

The bottom line: the Kingdom New Testament has certainly found a permanent place in my Biblical studies library.

The past couple of weeks I’ve been reading N.T. Wright’s rendering of the New Testament entitled The Kingdom New Testament: A Contemporary Translation (KNT). As I read I’ve been comparing it with the Common English Bible (CEB), my go-to Bible. In short, I like what I see in both and encourage you to pick up copies of both. Following are some snippets from each for your comparison.

• It was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife must give her a divorce certificate.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife except for sexual unfaithfulness forces her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matt. 5:31-32 CEB)
• It was also said, ‘If someone divorces his wife, he should give her a legal document to prove it.’ But I say to you: everyone who divorces his wife, unless it’s in connection with immorality, makes her commit adultery; and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matt. 5:31-32 KNT)

• This is why the Human One* is Lord even over the Sabbath. (Mark 2:28 CEB) [footnote reads "Or 'Son of Man'"]
• … so the son of man is master even of the sabbath.” (Mark 2:28 KNT)

• Don’t you see? God’s kingdom is already among you. (Luke 17:21b CEB)
• No: God’s kingdom is within your grasp.” (Luke 17:21b KNT)

• When the centurion saw what happened, he praised God, saying, “It’s really true: this man was righteous.” (Luke 23:47 CEB)
• The centurion saw what happened, and praised God. “This fellow,” he said, “really was in the right.” (Luke 23:47 KNT)

• I will ask the Father, and he will send another Companion,* who will be with you forever. (John 14:16 CEB) [footnote reads "Or 'Advocate'"]
• And I will ask the father, and he will give you another helper, to be with you forever. (John 14:16 KNT)

• Peter replied, “Change your hearts and lives. Each of you must be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” (Acts 2:38 CEB)
• “Turn back!” replied Peter. “Be baptized – every single one of you – in the name of Jesus the Messiah, so that your sins can be forgiven and you will receive the gift of the holy spirit.” (Acts 2:38 KNT)

• On the first day of the week, as we gathered together for a meal, Paul was holding a discussion with them. (Acts 20:7 CEB)
• On the first day of the week we gathered to break bread. Paul was intending to leave the following morning. He was engaged in discussion with them, and he went on talking up to midnight. (Acts 20:7 KNT)

• God’s righteousness is being revealed in the gospel, from faithfulness* for faith,* as it is written, “The righteous person will live by faith.” (Rom. 1:17 CEB) [first footnote reads "Or 'faith'; second footnote reads "Or 'faithfulness'"]
• This is because God’s covenant justice is unveiled in it, from faithfulness to faithfulness. As it says in the Bible, “the just shall live by faith.” (Rom. 1:17 KNT)

• Through his faithfulness, God displayed Jesus as the place of sacrifice where mercy is found by means of his blood. (Rom. 3:25a CEB)
• God put Jesus forth as the place of mercy, through faithfulness, by means of his blood. He did this to demonstrate his covenant justice, because of the passing over (in divine forbearance) of sins committed beforehand. (Rom. 3:25 KNT)

• So, brothers and sisters, because of God’s mercies, I encourage you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice that is holy and pleasing to God. This is your appropriate priestly service. Don’t be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you can figure out what God’s will is—what is good and pleasing and mature. (Rom. 12:1-2 CEB)
• So, my dear family, this is my appeal to you by the mercies of God: offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. Worship like this brings your mind into line with God’s. What’s more, don’t let yourselves be squeezed into the shape dictated by the present age. Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you can work out what God’s will is – what is good, acceptable, and complete. (Rom. 12:1-2 KNT)

• I’m introducing our sister Phoebe to you, who is a deacon* of the church in Cenchreae. (Rom. 16:1 CEB) [footnote reads "Or 'servant'"]
• Let me introduce to you our sister Phoebe. She is a deacon in the church at Cenchrae. (Rom. 16:1 KNT)

• Now, about what you wrote: “It’s good for a man not to have sex with a woman.” Each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband because of sexual immorality. (1 Cor. 7:1-2 CEB)
• Let me now turn to the matters you wrote about. “It is good for a man to have no sexual contact with a woman.” Well, yes; but the temptation to immorality means that every man should maintain sexual relations with his own wife, and every woman with her own husband. (1 Cor. 7:1-2 KNT)

• … but when the perfect comes, what is partial will be brought to an end. (1 Cor. 13:10 CEB)
• … but, with perfection, The partial is abolished. (1 Cor. 13:10 KNT)

• God isn’t a God of disorder but of peace. Like in all the churches of God’s people, the women should be quiet during the meeting. They are not allowed to talk. Instead, they need to get under control, just as the Law says. If they want to learn something, they should ask their husbands at home. It is disgraceful for a woman to talk during the meeting. (1 Cor. 14:33-35 CEB)
• … since God is the God, not of chaos, but of peace. [new paragraph begins] As in all the assemblies of God’s people, the women should keep silence in the assemblies. They are not permitted to speak; they should remain in submission, just as the law declares. If they want to understand something more, they should ask their own husbands when they get home. It’s shameful, you see, for a woman to speak in the assembly. (1 Cor. 14:33-35 KNT)

• I wish that the ones who are upsetting you would castrate themselves. (Gal. 5:12 CEB)
• If only those who are making trouble for you would cut the whole lot off! (Gal. 5:12 KNT)

• The actions that are produced by selfish motives are obvious, since they include sexual immorality, moral corruption, doing whatever feels good, idolatry, drug use and casting spells, hate, fighting, obsession, losing your temper, competitive opposition, conflict, selfishness, group rivalry, jealousy,drunkenness, partying, and other things like that. (Gal. 5:19-21a CEB)
• Now the works of the flesh are obvious. They are such things as fornication, uncleanness, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hostilities, strife, jealousy, bursts of rage, selfish ambition, factiousness, divisions, moods of envy, drunkenness, wild partying, and similar things. (Gal. 5:19-21a KNT)

• Instead, we are God’s accomplishment, created in Christ Jesus to do good things. God planned for these good things to be the way that we live our lives. (Eph. 2:10 CEB)
• This is the explanation: God has made us what we are. God has created us in King Jesus for the good works he prepared, ahead of time, as the road we must travel. (Eph. 2:10 KNT)

• Don’t get drunk on wine, which produces depravity. Instead be filled with the Spirit in the following ways: speak to each other with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs; sing and make music to the Lord in your hearts; always give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; and submit to each other out of respect for Christ. (Eph. 5:18-21 CEB)
• And don’t get drunk with wine; that way lies dissipation. Rather, be filled with the spirit! Speak to each other in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and chanting in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks for everything to God the father in the name of our Lord Jesus the Messiah. [new paragraph] Be subject to one another out of reverence for the Messiah. (Eph. 5:18-21 KNT)

• He destroyed the record of the debt we owed, with its requirements that worked against us. He canceled it by nailing it to the cross. When he disarmed the rulers and authorities, he exposed them to public disgrace by leading them in a triumphal parade. (Col. 2:14-15 CEB)
• He blotted out the handwriting that was against us, opposing us with its legal demands. He took it right out of the way, by nailing it to the cross. He stripped the rulers and authorities of their armor, and displayed them contemptuously to public view, celebrating his triumph over them in him. (Col. 2:14-15 KNT)

• … we could have thrown our weight around as Christ’s apostles. Instead, we were gentle with you like a nursing mother caring for her own children. (1 Thes. 2:7 CEB)
• … though we could have imposed on you, as the Messiah’s emissaries. But we were gentle among you, like a nurse taking care of her own children. (1 Thes. 2:7 KNT)

• A wife* should learn quietly with complete submission. I don’t allow a wife* to teach or control her husband.* Instead, she should be a quiet listener. (1 Tim. 2:11-12 CEB) [first and second footnotes read "Or 'a woman'"; third footnote reads "Or 'a man'"]
• They must study undisturbed, in full submission to God. I’m not saying that women should teach men, or try to dictate to them; rather, that they should be left undisturbed. (1 Tim. 2:11-12 KNT)

• This saying is reliable: if anyone has a goal to be a supervisor* in the church, they want a good thing. So the church’s supervisor* must be without fault. They should be faithful to their spouse, sober, modest, and honest. They should show hospitality and be skilled at teaching. They shouldn’t be addicted to alcohol or a bully. Instead they should be gentle, peaceable, and not greedy. (1 Tim. 3:1-3 CEB) [footnote reads "Or 'bishop,' 'overseer'"]
• Here is a trustworthy saying: if someone is eager for the work of overseeing God’s people, the task they seek is a fine one. The bishop must be beyond reproach. He must not have more than one wife. He must be temperate, sensible, respectable, hospitable, a good teacher. He must not be a heavy drinker, or violent, but must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not in love with money. (1 Tim. 3:1-3 KNT)

• In the same way, servants* in the church should be dignified, not two-faced, heavy drinkers, or greedy for money. (1 Tim. 3:8 CEB) [footnote reads "Or 'deacons'"]
• In the same way, deacons must be serious-minded, not the sort of people who say one thing today and another tomorrow, not heavy drinkers, not eager for shameful gain. (1 Tim. 3:8 KNT)

• In the same way, women who are servants* in the church should be dignified and not gossip. They should be sober and faithful in everything they do. (1 Tim. 3:11 CEB) [footnote reads "Or 'wives,' omit 'who are servants'"]
• The womenfolk, too, should be serious-minded, not slanderers, but temperate, and faithful in all things. (1 Tim. 3:11 KNT)

• Or do you suppose that scripture is meaningless? Doesn’t God long for our faithfulness in* the life he has given to us?* (James 4:5 CEB) [first footnote reads "Or 'jealously longs for'"; second footnote reads "Or 'Doesn't the Spirit that God placed in us have jealous desires?'"]
• Or do you suppose that when the Bible says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit he has made to dwell in us,” it doesn’t mean what it says? (James 4:5 KNT)

• Baptism is like that. It saves you now – not because it removes dirt from your body but because it is the mark of a good conscience toward God. Your salvation comes through the resurrection of Jesus Christ … (1 Pet. 3:21 CEB)
• That functions as a signpost for you, pointing to baptism, which now rescues you – not by washing away fleshly pollution, but by the appeal to God of a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus the Messiah. (1 Pet. 3:21 KNT)

• My little children, I’m writing these things to you so that you don’t sin. But if you do sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous one. He is God’s way of dealing with our sins, not only ours but the sins of the whole world. (1 John 2:1-2 CEB)
• My children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. If anyone does sin, we have one who pleads our cause before the father – namely, the Righteous One, Jesus the Messiah! He is the sacrifice which atones for our sins – and not ours only, either, but those of the whole world. (1 John 2:1-2 KNT)

• Favored is the one who reads the words of this prophecy out loud, and favored are those who listen to it being read, and keep what is written in it, for the time is near. (Rev. 1:3 CEB)
• God’s blessing on the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and on those who hear them and keep what is written in it. The time, you see, is near! (Rev. 1:3 KNT)

Incidentally, Scot McKnight has a fine post today on the KNT that you’ll want to be sure to read. His comments speak to the task of translation as a whole and include some renderings of note from the Sermon on the Mount in the KNT.

Source : K@nt on Vimeo

In this story, we follow Reisen as she leaves Eientei in hopes of finally becoming a full-fledged PC, just like Sakuya and Youmu!
She’ll meet some unlikely friends, and they’ll work together to solve not incidents, but mysteries.
Because that’s just what they do.
They’re the Gensokyo Detective Squad!

Read it on FF.net and MotK now!

Also Shizuku-chan’s translation is yet again stalled, but due to the fact I’m actually freaking working on the more important stuff for once!

Like, for example, KnT.
Yes, at long long long last I am finally doing work with KnT again.
Ah, it feels good after all these years.
Perhaps I’ll finally be able to get the rewrite started…
Ohhhhh that would be so nice.

Oh yeah and I changed the theme. Cool huh? Yeah, I even made a fancy banner and everything!

Disclaimer: No I didn’t draw little Mayuka-chan up there. She was created by 沢渡 仁司.

Second disclaimer: CLEANING PIXELS IS TIME-CONSUMING, TEDIOUS, AND BORING.

En van de hemelse dauw…

Het verklikkende geknisper

Van aarzelende regen

Die met de vijver fluistert

Terwijl wij luistervinken

°

Het schuchtere weerschijnsel

Van de ochtendzon

Die flikkert door gebladerte

En zacht de ogen streelt

°

De geuren van de dampen

Van grond en van gras

Die zweem van zwevende dauw

In onze adem veranderend

°

De lauwwarme straling

Van je nu koelende huid

Terwijl je hart kalmeert

Nazinderend van herinnering

°

De zilte en zoete tocht

Glooiend langs je lichaam

De kortsluiting teboven

Zo sprakeloos gekomen

°

Gesneuveld voor de gloed

En in jouw schoot gesmolten

Ik proef de smaak naar meer

Naar één met jouw natuur

°

I’ve been spending a lot of time feeling really drained. Work has settled into a sort of steady routine, at least, though the amount of energy sucked from me over the course of the workday varies, depending on how smoothly we execute our routines. I’ve found more and more solidarity and solace with the other teachers’ assistants, and we all bemoan our positions together and draw strength from each other and we all just seem to Get It. Things have also improved with the teacher that I work with. The other day, for some reason, it just felt like we had broken through some sort of wall, and now we’re getting along pretty well.

I moved into a new place with my roommie and his girlfriend. I’ve been here almost a month, I guess? Six weeks? But haven’t felt compelled to write about it yet. It’s nice. My rent dropped, the room I’m in is slightly bigger than the one I was in at the old place, and I’ve got a bit of space in the house to put my tabledesk and a coupla bookshelves. I still haven’t moved my books from my parents’ house to this one, yet. I got a dresser. I’m staining it- or really, I stained it yesterday, and am now waiting for nice enough weather to take it back outside and finish it with some polyurethane. I don’t know. It all feels very IKEA Nesting Syndrome to me, and that’s becoming alright.

I’m nearing The Big Troupe Vote on whether or not I’ll become a full member of Kings N Things, or if the past year of my provisional membership will be as close as I’ll get to joining the troupe. I suspect that they’ll vote me in; I’ve not caused any big interpersonal conflict, and have actually contributed to performances and troupe presence outside of performances.

Speaking of drag, I performed in the [All]iday show a coupla weeks ago; this time around, I was only in two pieces, so my comittment was manageable and I had a lovely time. The first piece up was with Tad Bitter, to The Bright Eyes’ “Lover I Don’t Have to Love” and it went over brilliantly. It went from plain sexy to quite kinky- the lights and music fade with his belt around my neck- and the audience loved it. [I'm pretty sure it was genuine love and not drunk love, since we were the first piece up after the opener.] The other piece was a great mime-ish quasi-vaudevillian number with Jaime [a potential new Baby King!] to The Dresden Dolls’ “Missed Me,” which the audience also really enjoyed. I liked playing in both those pieces, as they permitted me to exhibit characters beyond the wide-eyed booknerds I usually play.

I also got a chance to meet some of the folks from Houston, which was delightful. I’m hoping to be able to see them again, hopefully soon, perhaps through a tiny trip over to Houston during the break that I just started. However, this break is unpaid leave, and I did promise to do some work at my parents’ house to make some extra money, so we’ll see how all of that plays out.

Other than work and drag, I started and then stopped seeing someone over the past several weeks. I’m still working through my feelings around that, and am anticipating a postmortem [my roommie pointed out how tragic it is that I called it a postmortem, but whatever] will help me figure out precisely what happened and will probably help me solidify some of my feelings, and will hopefully help me get some answers.

In general, I am now working on accepting and embracing the fact that I really am the Sometimes Food of the Friend Food Pyramid. [I mean, I've been working on this one for a while, but for some reason it's hard for me.] I think I’m the transfats of the fats and sugars, in that experiences with me can be either really great or really awful, but they should occur quite infrequently? I don’t know if that’s accurate.  I love little metaphors, though my favorite ones are definitely the love/money metaphors.

I’m getting really excited about Christmas, not necessarily for Christmas’s sake. Once Christmas is done, it follows, so too will the Christmas shopping season be done. The chaos, the idiots, the wanton promotion of American corporate and consumer greed. Well, I mean, all of those things will still exist, indeed, but their frequency rate might drop a bit? Hopefully?

I normally go to Midnight Mass at the Church that I used to go to, when I still did that sort of thing. Due to scheduling, I won’t be able to go to Midnight Mass this year, so yesterday I went to Mass instead, at least to get the hour-or-so of my former Church that I usually get around this time. It was kind of miserable. I spent loads of the Mass thinking that I used to enjoy this business. The homily was about blessing and humbleness in being blessed, and had some really good ideas, but that Father [I can't remember his name] has a tendency to repeat repeat repeat for quite some time the same darn things, so the Homily was about ten minutes longer than it could’ve been.

Only one woman stopped to talk to me after Mass. I was afraid that lots more people would recognize me; I’m sure that lots of the choir group did, though none of them acknowledged that or talked to me. Other’n the choral folks and this one woman, I didn’t see anyone that I recognized. I may as well have been a visitor to the Church. It was strange, and kind of nice. It let me be a sort of fly on the wall.

Now, if only I could do that during extended-family gatherings [at least for part of them], I’d be golden.

Drag Kings: the Musical 3 opened last night. We slayed. It was amazing. I definitely enjoyed the experience of performing in an explicitly selected transmasculine setting and being recognized for/by my performance of transmasculinity. I was mostly worried about technical aspects of the show; I am in about half of the show, and there are some quick changes that need to happen in there. However, everything was pulled off without much of a hitch last night, which means that we can do it again tonight and tomorrow night. Most of the troupe thinks that I’m insane for being in so many pieces [and I won't try to dissuade anyone from that notion], but there is definitely a comfort and familiarity in being so overloaded with things that I love, with scrambling hecticly backstage to make it into my next costume and apply facial hair and look like I know what I’m doing. I’ll admit that I’m a stress junkie, especially with jank-ass theatre. And although it’s nice to be so involved, it’s also really nice to know that this will all be done in thirty-six hours, that only ephemera will remain as evidence of this massive effort.

Parts of work are settling into unsettling routines. The student that needs the most behavioral support in my classroom has had a hard week, and we suspect that things might get worse before they get better. Most of my co-workers are awesome and amazing, though apparently some of my co-workers are not addressing issues that they have with me to me, and instead are addressing them to other co-workers and my supervisor. And because this is all being filtered through those other co-workers and my supervisor, the issue-holders’ identities [I'm assuming there's more than one, as has been implied to me] are still anonymous, which means I can’t address them directly to ask them to address me directly. [Still following? Good.]

I’ve spent a good amount of Cycle Commute Pondering Time, especially the rides home, thinking about office politics. I like to be genial with everyone and try to maintain good relationships with all of my co-workers, including the ones that I differ greatly with on ideology and goals. I’m hoping this will be possible. However, every time I devote energy to thinking about office politics [usually from work until my short stint on 2222], I conclude that office politics are much more interesting for me when I observe them, rather than when I participate in them. Because seriously, folks, is there anyone more awkward and less politically adept than myself?

On the other hand, parts of work are awesome. Like the number of Burners on-campus, who talk about Burner things [tents and art pieces and who's going up when and coming back when and did you see that one guy?]  during lunch period, while helping students stab little pieces of well-rounded nutritionally-balanced meals with their forks. Like the number of GL employees and GL-friendly employees. [I still haven't encountered any explicitly-identified B or T employees. Granted, I'm not seeing a big queer presence, but I might just be looking in the wrong places. Or, I might be appropriating folks' identities; I'm sure that everyone sees me as a lesbian/dyke, and I might be oversimplifying others' queer identities in the same way that mine is simplified.]

The relationship that I mentioned earlier as having changed forms/energies has changed yet again, has swung back towards what it was [though, of course, it won't be the same, what with the whole mono no aware business]. I’m waiting to see where equilibrium will be for this relationship, as I suspect that failing to pay attention to where equilibrium might be [among other things on my part] is what led to the previously-mentioned ending. We’ll see what happens.

So, for now, consider my bootstraps grabbed and my emotional state de-escalated or returned back to a space that is closer to the familiar and ordinary for me or whatever. Consider all that done quite some time ago- a week? A week and a half? Two weeks? Something like that. I told you I’d get it done.

The job search is still looking a bit dismal, though there are possibilities and tantalizing maybes and all sorts of almost half-realized plans just out of my grasp. My applications have largely ground to a halt; I’m down to perhaps an application a week as I try to wait patiently for other people to field the balls that are in their court. However, as people know, I am not the best at patience, but I promise promise promise that I’m working on it [at least with regards to the job hunt].

I’ve been hanging out with a totally rad group of queers that largely consists of people I’ve met through KNT, The Queertastiks, and Femme Mafia [the connective fiber between the three being  Cherry Poppins]. I think that I’ve been asked which name or pronoun set I prefer more times in the past two weeks than I have in my entire life, and it is simultaneously the most wonderful and frustrating thing ever. It is wonderful because people care. I mean, they genuinely care, and are willing to accommodate me. It is frustrating in that I don’t know how I want to be accommodated, is all. Female  pronouns don’t feel right, but male pronouns don’t feel particularly right, either. Gender-neutral pronouns are my favorite in that they are the least-uncomfortable, but I understand that some folks either don’t like or can’t handle using gender-neutral pronouns. And I understand that. I understand that some [my family] will never use anything other than female pronouns, and that some others may never use anything other than male pronouns, because that is easier for them.

I have taken a posture regarding my name and pronouns that I’m sure many see as a cop-out. I see it as staying in-line with my affinity for ambivalence and for acknowledging the [partial?] construction of reality by each individual for each individual. I find it to be quite fitting, if at times infuriating. So far it has been going well, especially as it manages my expectations regarding individuals’ actions, and keeps me from getting frustrated or upset relatively effectively. It combines my favorite M3 metaphysical recognition of the whole person with my subscription to Meredith O.’s idea of Level Five Thinking, to so-far-fantastic effect.

Everything else is looking kind of exciting, too. Possibilities for the nearish future are opening up. There’s a chance that I’ll end up working on some more jank-ass Boalian theatre of the oppressed, which I didn’t realize that I’d miss as much as I do. There’s an invitation to enter a whole new realm of fandorkery. [Alright, there's always been the invitation, but now there's a chance I'll actually take it up.] There’re opportunities for new interactions with new people. There’re opportunities to try new things and challenge myself and grow and learn and communicate and all that jazz. And I’m excited.

…I just need a job so that I can take advantage of some of these other opportunities without going terribly broke.

I feel as though myself and everyone around me are all going through transitions, and I have to remind myself that there actually is a really good reason for me to be stressed out. A really good reason. I seem to be able to remind myself that others are dealing with changes or new situations, but stall out on the slack-giving when it comes to myself. I get frustrated very quickly when I notice that I’m indulging all sorts of weird coping devices and mechanisms; the rearranging, reorganizing, the compulsive skin-picking, everything. I have to constantly tell me to back off of my own case, repeating that I am in a situation that is extremely transitional, even though it might not seem that way. You know what people say, about one being one’s own worst critic? I’m beginning to think that sometimes that is true for me.

I’m still grappling with limited employment, which is starting to get really frustrating. Some of my friends are also dealing with being transitionally unemployed. Some of my friends are dealing with moving, and with starting relationships, and ending relationships, and changing the nature of relationships, and all of that sort of stuff.  I can’t imagine taking any more transitions on top of my current unemployment.

In other, only-vaguely-transition-period-related news, Freakshow a Go-Go: Austin was last weekend. It was amazing. It was… mindblowing. The Cuntry Kings from Durham, N.C. totally blew my mind with both of their pieces. They did an animal liberation piece to “Survivor”, and a very smart, neat critique of the medico-industrial complex to “Girl”. I talked to one of their kings after the show a wee bit about the “Girl” piece, and we hit it off. I hope that we can be friends. I also really enjoyed the stylings of the folks from Portland, especially the not-traditionally-trained dance company Untrained, I. They were amazing. The Kings N Things piece ["Hi" by Psapp] went over quite amazingly well. Queer Across Texas did an amazingly choreographed and hilariously-executed bit to “The Bigger the Figure”. The organizing group [Austin Drag Collective] did a great intro piece that framed the rest of the show quite well. Everyone else [who I cannot possibly hope to name this late in the evening without my program handy] also completely and utterly freaking slayed.

Of course, as all of the visiting kings prepared to leave, the piece of me that is constantly seeking others’ approval and intellectual engagement kicked in. As they left, I began desperately grasping at reeds, and I’m afraid that I’m pulling those reeds up by their roots. I have a problem with presenting myself in the way that I’d like to be perceived, and am afraid that yet again I’ve managed to frighten off potential friendships and learning opportunities. It is interesting to hear the rashly-emotional side of me duke it out with the “emotionally-intelligent” [in a Gestalt sort of way] side of me. It isn’t like I can move freely in time and change what I did, at this point, so I’m trying not to fret about it. I’m trying to just observe my actions and think about where to go next to make my intentions totally clear and to encourage honesty with myself.

self-reflectiveness: | more easily said than done, | like so many things

I lost my voice Friday night at the Kings ‘N’ Things show. It was some point after my piece with Baby and Jonny ["Two of Heartss" by Stacey Q, for which Jonny and I dressed as playing cards]. I went to yell my approval during one of the performances, and nothing came out. I spent the next several days trying to regain my voice; it started reappearing on Wednesday; it is almost all the way back today. I suspect that I’ll be back to the usual by Monday.

This made graduating interesting, since that was on Saturday. I was unable to vocalize for any of my friends; the couple of times I tried to make any noise, I ended up sounding like a wounded yak. The commencement speaker was actually quite good, which was nice. Last year’s was atrocious, and I thought that this guy was going to be super schmaltzy at first, but he turned out to be alright.

And now, I’m here. “Here” being 8018, Avery’s place. Which I guess now is Avery’s and mine. I’m figuring things out as they come along. The moving in has been pretty easy thusfar; there are still a couple of things to deal with as far as getting stuff organized and put away and such.

The biggest hurdle is going to be making rent consistently. I still only have patchy employment with the Texas School for the Blind and Visually Impaired; I get called on an as-needed basis, and there’s no guarantee that they will need someone to work on any given day, or that any of the other substitutes won’t get called, answer the phone, and show up on time. I have applied for two dozen jobs that have either not gotten back to me or have flat-out rejected me [climbing towards thirty by the end of the day], and I’m trying not to get really disheartened.

It is hard. Really hard.

But I’m still trucking along. Graduation and immediate post-graduate life seems to me to be similar to a Theatre for Scoial Justice show, but just on a longer timeline. There’s a rocky start-up, and then a rocky taxi out to the runway, and then a rocky rush down the runway. The runway is short, and ends either at the precipice of a huge chasm or the shore of a deep lake- it doesn’t matter, because screwing up ends poorly either way.

Eventually, the little plane will take off- usually just as it comes to the end of and clears the runway. The initial take off will also be shaky [a theme]. If the pilot tries to ascend too quickly, the plane will stall out and plummet. There will be periods of smooth flying, eventually. Things might even out for a while. And then…

I don’t know what. I suppose that there may or may not been a steady [or unsteady] acceleration. I suppose eventually the plane will approach the speed of sound. At that point, around 0.75 Mach, the turbulence will kick in, and will persist until the plane reaches [and passes] Mach 1. But that’s all just speculation. I’m barely off the runway yet.

The big difference between last night’s show and the show two months ago was that I got paraded around on stage. I managed to thoroughly mangle my portion of the opener, which was the only piece I was in [most likely due to my late decision to join the troupe]. Fortunately, there are significantly fewer ways to mangle walking across the stage and smiling after telling the emcee my name, which happened at the end of the show. I’m glad that there was a rule for this performance that everyone had to tell the emcee their announced name;  I met and socialized with most of the troupe [alright, all of the troupe] first as Liz, and so I have to remind myself that they are not necessarily accustomed to calling me Eli.

I’m sure that the difficulty for them is only exacerbated by the fact that Eli is not terribly different in demeanor from Liz. I debated whether I wanted to take on a drag persona that was different from Liz in any significant way. In addition to Eli Swither, I created another drag character named Art Breaker. Art Breaker would’ve been exactly what his name implied, and I found that I just could sustain neither the ‘tude nor the performative vigilance needed to keep Art alive. Although all identities are projected and performative in nature, some identities fall outside of the realm of my performative comfort-zone. And for the same reasons that I rarely wear dresses/skirts/”real” bras, I chose not to go with Art. Sustaining an identity at a place that I see as either of the “extreme” ends of the gender spectrum is too difficult for me.

I started creating Eli more than a decade ago, as a convenient character when one-time acquaintances [single-serving friends] assumed I was a “nice young man”. I’ve always imagined Eli Swither as that nice Jewish boy that his grandmother/aunt/family friend is always trying to foist onto any available individual. I took a really fantastic Contemporary Jewish Literature course a year ago. The instructor liked to point out that Jewish men were/are frequently considered “less manly” than Christian men. Kate Bornstein also mentions this, I believe in My Gender Workbook. While discussing Chiam Potok’s The Chosen in that literature class, though, the professor said that religious study and intellectuality were so highly regarded in Jewish culture that they took the place of tertiary sexual characteristics. I’m sure that in some situations, such as in certain social circles in the yeshiva, they took a much more prominent role. [Example: Isaac Bashevis Singer's Yentl, whose eponymous character's drive to study the Torah played a massive role in hirs acceptance/passing in the yeshiva and surrounding town.] By adopting a manhood that is widely considered “less manly” by predominant cultural prejudices [whether patent or latent], I manage to sustain my aversion to performances of gender to either extreme.

Whether I want to sustain that aversion is another question entirely.

Whirlpool Cave went a lot faster than last time. Amazing how things move when there aren’t loads of little kids to shepherd. I got through the Birth Canal with little/no problems. We went through the whole cave, to The Pit and back. Then we ate [SIRA lunches are the most delicious] and moved on to Maple Run. I turned back somewhere between the first and second rooms, at this one point where it’d be a vertical traverse that would be a squeeze [people were talking about having to exhale completely to get all the way through it]. I decided I had nothing to prove and that it was time for me to get the hell out. So I did.

The entire experience was slightly surreal. The entire time, I felt as though I were on the edge of some sort of ataque de nervios, whether that be a panic attack or an anxiety attack or whatever and what are even the differences between the two? I managed to keep my shit together for the most part, though Tanlyn R. and I joked a bit about my not-freakout breathing there at the very end.

Everything is happening. And it is all happening right now, it feels. I feel like some sort of jellyfish, sometimes. I mean, I have limited propulsive means, am awash in a veritable sea of stimuli/projects/work/whatever, and pick out/pay attention to whatever interests me in that sea of whatever. I guess the jellyfish metaphor is superlimited, because those little buddies don’t seem to get too twisted up about all the other stuff in the ocean that they ignore, which obviously doesn’t apply to me. But eventually I want to get less-twisted up about everything that I’m not doing that I theoretically should be.

Everything is happening, all right now, and it is stressing me out a bit. And by “a bit” I mean “a lot”. Body Dialogues. Business Ethics. Consumer Behavior. Cold War America. Paideia and SU Native’s Powwow. Kings N Things. Trying to volunteer for places that don’t want me [or at least seem to not want me]. Graduating. Getting a job [or multiple jobs]. Getting a place. And the thing is, that most of this stress is good stress. I’m excited to be in the classes that I’m in and engaged with the groups that I’m engaged with [Theatre for Social Justice and Kings N Things for the doubleheader win]. The prospect of soon being on my own and having to support myself is in a lot of ways a really good-exciting sort of stress. I couldn’t think of anything on that list that I’d want to remove, although I’d like to make the places I want to volunteer want me to volunteer. But then again, when have I had much experience with reciprocity of late?

Por lo que se ve un critico en paro fué quien sustrajo el Goya. Horas más tarde llamó a El Mundo y ATENCIÓN … se produjo el inicio de la devolución del Goya. Esto pasó en el TEMPLO DE DEBOD (el gran regalo de Egipto)

El crítico en paró se ha quejado del enchufismo que hay en el cine español. Servidor no sabe si esto es cierto.                   Lo único que sabe es que en algunas series televisivas siempre salen los mismos.

En fin, este blog nació hace unas horas y ya no tine sentido. Efímero como la vida mismo.

Quizá el crítico de cine pueda ser una persona que no agrade a alguien pero me encantaria saber más de él y de sus gustos. En cine está lleno de personajes singulares. 

Por cierto, la guerra mediática en Madrid es tan grande que esto del Goya ha hecho que El País lo vea esto del Goya entregado a El Mundo como algo esperpéntico …

Para acabar decir que después de ver el trato que ha dado Albert Solé al crítico en para llamándolo borracho se ma ido todo interés en Albert Solé y en su película. El crítico de cine en paro hizó algo lamentable pero después de devolverlo me parece lamentable hacer declaraciones menospreciativas.

Esto me hace recordar una vez que un ladrón me robó mi bolsa. Yo lo iba persiguiendo por la playa y le iba gritando de todo, insulto tras insulto. Entonces hubo un momento que soltó la bolsa y ya podía ser mía. Entonces yo seguí insultándole Y ENTONCES ÉL EMPEZÓ TAMBIÉN A INSULTARME.

De aquí aprendí que había que ser menos pendenciero y más abierto a los demás: el ladrón me habia devuelto la bolsa. PUES YA ESTA.

The premise of the meme is simple. For eight days, I will write about things that made me happy during the day. I am also supposed to tag eight people to do this as well, but I won’t. This is because 1) I don’t know that many people who blog consistently enough to do this [although I am one of those people; I'm just making an exception because this meme seems like a good idea] and 2) anyone that I could think to tag has already been tagged.

[Since I'd feel goofy just putting up posts with a couple of sentences, I figure that there'll also be some rambling each day, too. Sorry.]

Meme Day One:

01) I am still riding the experiences of Thursday [Dragaoke and related activities] and Friday [Poppins' Holiday Open House]. 02) Then today I had a pretty alright workout, even though I initially doubted that going to the gym would even be worthwhile. 03) I also finished my Christmas shopping, which was largely for my family [thank goodness for friends who are cool with little crafy things and mixed CDs]. 04) I also went to my across-the-street-neighbors’ house for a holiday party there, tonight. It was nice. 05) Also! I ran into Aaron J., the McNeil theatre teacher who collaborated with Theatre for Social Justice on “As Seen on TV” while I was thrifting at the Goodwill on North Lamar. Fun times.

Although, I must say about the neighbors’ party, that some people seemed overly concerned with how much I enjoyed my time there. Yes, I know, the hostesses are a couple. Yes, I know that I am perceived as a lesbian. These people don’t see me expectantly gaguing their reaction to every party they go to that is hosted by a straight couple, now, do they? [But, seriously, I did enjoy myself. I like most of my neighbors, really, I do. I just wish they'd stop asking me the "What are you going to do when you graduate?" and variants.]

Also, more about the various KNT-related events. I went to Dragaoke on Thursday. I was completely overdressed [waistcoat and tie, again] and showed up on-time, forgetting that I needed to translate to King Standard Time. That means that I actually ended up being way early. Dragaoke took forever to happen, because of technical difficulties. It happened. Then a gaggle of us [Paige B., Margaux B., Emma K., Mallory M., Sadie H., Kwanzi V., Jesse F., and I] went out for Magnolia’s, largely because my stupid stomach woke up partway through Dragaoke and demanded sustenence in the form of one gingerbread pancake. Success at Mag’s, and then driving various individuals to their homes and/or cars. Wonderful conversation smattered throughout the evening.

Then last night. Oh. My. Goodness. Pretty much everyone ever showed up. Fortunately, one of the first people to show was Jesse F., so we got to hang for a little bit before things got too lively. Eventually Camille D. showed up as well. This is where awesome happened. She sat in front of me [back to me], Jesse F. sat to my left, and Cherry sat cattywhompus from me, facing Camille. This was so that Camille and Cherry could talk while I gave Camille a backrub [irrelevant, but sorta entertaining]. It was the most wonderful identity conversation that I have ever listened in on, ever. They talked about femme identity and everything that entails. Cherry quoted Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha [I know, right?]; “Femme is finding a way to be a girl that doesn’t hurt.” And that’s just kind of exploded a new little thought sandbox in my head, so I’ve been running around in there a bit, getting grit all over everywhere. I’ll let people know what comes out of the ruminations. Perhaps tomorrow I will have thought enough to have something that -I- feel is worth sharing.

Other than that conversation, I had several other good ones. People showed up. I was socially inept and awkward. I did not particularly care about my ineptitude/awkwardness until well after the fact. Even then, it was only a little bit of care, anyways.

[And despite how chipper this all seemed to make me, I -am- glad that there won't be much large-group socializing for me until Christmas Day, at which point a huge chunk of our family will descend upon our house. Whew. Kind of burned out.]

Let’s see if I can keep this up for seven more days, eh?

5:00PM Call. There are, like, four of us there. Typical. Eventually people start trickling in. I try to take a quick nap, fail epically. Watch UFC fights on the tube instead. A bummer because it is a small television, and I have to stay behind a bar. I can’t really tell what is happening. The pizza arrives. I had bolted some chicken and salsa before I left, so I skipped out on the pizza.

6:00PMish Run-Through Start. So, only thirty minutes after we had planned, we started running through the show. Jesse Free, one of the younger members of the troupe and a person who I really enjoy the presence of, ran it. Ze wore hirs costume for the last piece for most of the rehearsal:

Jesse Free, the Gayest Unicorn.

… ze didn’t have the facial-yarn on until the final act, though. So, we run through everything. It takes stupid-long, mostly because 1) I don’t think that KNT gets to use the space until the day of the performance, so there is 2) lots of shuffling things around, and on an unrelated note 3) lots of people did not show up on time. In a wonderful triumvirate of queer coercion coordinated between Cherry Poppins, Jesse Free, and myself, I eventually got the spot cues for all of the pieces. And I used them.

8:30PM Break. Yusssss! We finish with forty-five minutes left before everyone needs to be back. Margaux B. and I string lights on the stage and wander over to a convenience store to grab a snack. I get a Cliff bar and a 7-Up, because I am feeling cheap. I change into my almost-full drag [minus facial hair or packer], and look pretty damn nice.

10:00PM Start Time… passes us. I think I am the only one who notices.

10:30PM Start Fr Rls. Elated. So many good numbers, so many set changes [I know right, what is up with that], so many absolutely wonderful gender performers. There was a pretty heavy slathering of holiday-themed stuff, and it was quite enjoyable. “Big Gay Christmas” opened with Otto O’Rottic playing a delightfully suave Santa Claus. dd cummings and Studley Do-Right got their Christmas faith ruined in “Take a Bow”, and then Baby von Puffenhiemen, current persuasion, Cherry Poppins, and Papa Wheelie engaged in a delicous holiday spin of “Tainted Love”. Lapdances on Santa’s lap? Hot. Then came probably the most elaborate piece of the night; “Dance Magic Dance” [oh yes the voodoo that you do] with Eaton Johnson in full David Bowie get-up, and puppets puppeteered by Rhythm Method, Shelby Mine, Avery Austin, and Turner Loose [a new king who is absolutely riveting]. Then the Houston Gendermyn came on for “Fist Me This Christmas”, which carried a hilariously-unforseen ending to it. Great. Last act of first half was “Baby It’s Cold Outside” with current persuasion and Deacon Cross [another new king]. It had an angel/devil dichotomy to it that was quite nice.

Intermission Happened! I sat on my buttocks and gave my stupid feet a rest. I’m a bit of a pansy about this. Ran across some folks that I know, made some small talk, but largely kept to myself.

Second Half Started. “I Want it Now” from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Suburbia Sprawl, current persuasion, Cherry Poppings, Jonny B. Nasty, and Otto O’Rottic. Definitely a crowd favorite. Very well done, and exciting to watch people throw temper tantrums. “Extraordinary Machine” by Fiona Apple for Rhythm Method and Jimmie Dean, who played out some rather strange paedophilic/teacher-student sort of scenario, which somehow managed to be just really, really cute rather than really, really creepy. Then one of my favorites of the evening, “Can’t Hold Me Down” with Shelby Mine and Eaton Johnson; Shelby came on in a sort of burlesque-tree get-up, and Eaton was a gardner. Cue charged exchanges that ended nicely. Then came the new Austin drag troupe Androgyny Unleashed with a skit to “Comatose” by Skillet [I think]. Four members with some pretty good choreography at some points and quite a heavy song kept the audience’s attention. Next came “Drown” [by Smashing Pumpkins?] with Avery Austin, Todd Tomorrow, Shelby Mine, and Otto O’Rottic enacting out one of the ways that the Grinch might have come-to-be, with Avery as the future Grinch. Really cute, if kinda heartwrenching. Then came “Single Ladies” with too many people for me to keep track of; I am really only certain of Pappa and Baby, and I know that they kept the entire audience’s attention for most of that piece between the two of them. Gave a whole new meaning to “put a ring on it”. Yikes. Then came “To All the Ladies” with Eaton Johnson and Robbin Cradles, who wanted to, you know, personally, you know, thank every lady ever. They were lascivious and pelvic-thrusty and wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Kings N Things finished up the second act of their Dragstravaganza with “It’s Raining Men”, during which Todd Tomorrow came out in the costume pictured above. Cutest ever. Also, gayest ever. In the most wonderful way.

And then I went home! And went to sleep! And it was an amazing sleep, and I forgot all about regretting staying up late by the next day. I ended up going to a fundraiser for ALLGO. And staying there until pretty much way too late. But it was completely worth it.

Kings N Things: I helped with their sixth birthday show, no matter how infinitesimally little help I actually provided. Most of my “help” consisted of untangling, attempting to repair, getting shocked [repeatedly] by, and stringing up strands of Christmas lights. Being around the troupe for that long eliminated a lot of the hero-worship and anxiety I felt around them; these are normal people, stumbling through putting on a production much like Theatre for Social Justice does on-campus, only somehow even less organized. [This is probably related to the fact that they don't have nearly as much time as we do to put these things together. As much as college students complain about over-scheduling and such, we have the opportunity to have a really fantastic schedule, if we'll only make it so.]

Dojo A: We were buddies for a while. We went to the same dojo. I knew what her religious and political views were, but still tried to befriend her, in the hopes of personalizing the issues that she’s been raised to demonize. Eventually I found her on Facebook, friended her, and asked her if she’d like to go for coffee sometime to catch up and whatnot. She responded that she’d like to do that, and then I never heard from her again. I’m assuming that she actually looked at my profile [which explains that -gasp- I'm in a relationship with someone of the same "biological gender"/sex] and freaked out, because not only did I never hear from her again, but she “de-friended” me and did some sort of blocking maneuver so that I can’t contact her at all through Facebook. I guess that she never figured me out for a queer over the couple of years of training together, and I also guess that she hasn’t changed her views. It’s a real bummer, too, because she’s got potential.

Dresden Dolls: Alright, so, I’m still enamored with them and neither myself nor my image of them has been violently jerked back to the ground. I saw them at Stubb’s, and I have all sorts of things to say about the show and the attendees and everything, but that’s a whole ‘nother post of its own [which you will receive eventually, I promise]. I just wanted to say that the Dresden Dolls [esp. Amanda Palmer] amaze me in so many ways, and it seems that the more I look into them, the more I am amazed. The amazement probably spawns from the fact that they appear so normal, so down-to-Earth. I keep trying to look for something to point to the idea that they’re ungrateful, aloof, unapproachable, unreasonable, or any other negative quality I can think of. The only complaints that I’ve read have been from people accusing them of being un-original, faggots, promiscuous, exhibitionists, or what have you. I can see where the un-original complaints come in, but there’s nobody quite like the Dresden Dolls [or really anywhere near them, but I'll appease the complainers for a moment], and even if there are some strong links between them and other bands, I’d like to point out that not only could the complainers not do any better, but also that there is a limited amount of ground to cover in any field, and eventually everybody’s just rehashing what everybody else has already said. At least the Dresden Dolls throw in some good [relatively] new subjects ["Bad Habit", "Half Jack", "Sex Changes"] with the [cleverly] rehashed subjects ["The Jeep Song", "Good Day", "Me and the Mini-Bar"]. The other complaints are[(incidentally] un-original, and aren’t really the business of the complainers.