Sign up here to get a free sample of Kotex Products. (While supplies last. Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. Available to U.S. residents only in continental U.S. You must be 13 or older to receive this sample. Limit one sample per household.)

‘Tis the season for holiday shopping, and just what do you give those who have “it” all and also money?  Check out, Wacky Gifts for the Holidays for some great ideas, including a personal hovercraft.  I WANT ONE!

But, what if you have to give to one of those irritating people who pick up the wrapped Christmas gift and tell you what it is before they open it?

Yes, folks, these are Decoy Gift Boxes for products no one probably makes, but I bet you will see for sale, next year.

OR, you could do what my mother did every year for most of our lives!!!!

She gave gifts in Kotex boxes.  Yup!  Those highly decorated boxes held everything from toys to underwear.  If it did not come in a box, and she could cram it in a Kotex box, that’s what you unwrapped. 

We started taking bets as to who would get the Kotex box this year.  On good years, she could fool you and you would see that your brother got it and think you were safe, but noooooo!  Unwrap your next gift and there is the Kotex box.

The very best year was the year that JCountry got it.  He was all of two or three years old and I really would not have thought that he knew what a Kotex box was, but I have a movie of him unwrapping his gift, taking one look at the box and staring up open mouthed in wonder at just what was his Great-Grandmother was giving him.

Hmmm! Good idea, as soon as those old movies are transfered to CD’s, I shall post it on U-Tube and he shall become a U-Tube sensation and be properly embarrassed, AGAIN!

Panty shields up, Captain! We’re rebooting the Ovarian Operating System . . .

I know, the title of this blog alone makes you want to click fast and away. But I have to tell you a tale of consumer eco-angst removed from the simple and often expensive decision to buy local, organic products and food. But first, a little herstory . . .

There’s already been enough shame, secrecy, and taboo surrounding “that time of the month” and all the other fine euphemisms invented to be humourous or circumspect about the mystery of menstruation. There are countries where tampons weren’t and still aren’t sold because you’d have to “touch down there.” There are women who follow this practice willingly, even in forward thinking countries. They build huts and red tents and spas for this exact purpose. To wear pampers or to be pampered. Elsewhere.

But it’s moved beyond that to a place where we’re supposed to celebrate and “have a happy period,” a campaign from a company that stupidly chose their brand name to be “Always.” As in, “I’ll ALWAYS bleed, and I’ll ALWAYS wear these things.” At least Kotex, Tampex, and Playtex (all with –ex as a suffix to mean “out, from or away”) sound almost medical or medicinal. And it’s not ALL feminine hygiene, even wounded soldiers are prone to use a tampon (French for “plug” or “stopper”) to halt bullet wounds from weeping. “Always” doesn’t seem to imply medical or even chronic, instead, it implies a life sentence. Doesn’t your uterus protest? Well it should. War is hell and there’s a war in your drawers and the sick folks at Always were also responsible for aerodynamic pantyliners and pads. That’s right – they got your code red covered in homeland security and you can feel secure each month knowing there’s a little, white F-16 in your pants.

It’s not just a troubling war at home either . . . it’s covers many land masses and miles of ocean.

Spastic Plastic

Your average lady uses 16,800 tampons in her lifetime, that’s 250 to 300 pounds of tampons and applicators. Tag on a few thousand pads and panty liners, and your ecological footprint is looking more like Sasquatch. Of particular offense are the plastic applicators some tampons are encased in. They are casually tossed into wastebaskets where they later escape the curb trash or landfill, trotted off by animals, resurfacing in parking lots and playgrounds and a host of other locations you’d rather not see them appear.

They come back from the watery depths to haunt you, too.

Plastic tampon applicators from sewage outfalls are one of the most common forms of trash on beaches. Yeah, you thought food wrappers and glass bottles and needles were the only gross & hazardous materials washing out to sea and coming back in with the tides. You flush them and that’s just the beginning. For building owners, pads and tampons that are flushed down the toilet are the most common cause of plumbing problems. Further down the flow, they end up the sewage treatment plants and surf into a lake or onto a river, and on into the ocean where they pool with the rest of the plastic detritus at the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. There it all sits and breaks down into ever smaller particles until they are the size and color of plankton or worse, are pelletized high-density polyethylene (HDPE) white “nurdles” that resemble fish eggs or food to sea creatures. Then the birds and fish ingest these hormone disrupters and concentrated toxins like PCB and DDE and the circle of life gets a big kick in the nurdles.

But it’s not just the animals somewhat removed from you, you’re an animal too, and guess what it’s doing to you by directly inserting it? Your conventional feminine hygiene products contain a mixture of rayon and cotton. Rayon is in your blouses, dresses, lingerie, linings, scarves, suits, ties, hats, socks, the filling in Zippo lighters, blankets, window treatments, upholstery, tire cord, yarn and diapers. It’s highly absorbent but no good at retaining shape and as far as biodegradability goes, it’s a real loser. Most importantly, synthetic materials like the Rayon used in tampons show an increased risk of toxic shock syndrome (TSS), particularly for superabsorbent tampons. So if you’re a bleeder, you’re a feeder.

And sweet, white cotton isn’t much better up in there. Cotton is highly pesticide-intensive; 25% of pesticides used globally are devoted to growing cotton. To achieve that lily-white look, pads and tampons are bleached with chlorine, a process which creates dioxins, a known carcinogen and those bad boys shouldn’t be placed anywhere near your reproductive organs. And you swear you never smoked a cigar in your life. Especially in a donkey show.

Think Outside the (Tampon) Box

It’s getting easier to select tampons, pads, and panty liners made from organic, unbleached cotton which is cultivated without the use of pesticides, fungicides, herbicides, sewage sludge, irradiation, petrochemicals, or genetic engineering. All of which we now have think about when looking at the towering isle of soothing, pastel colors, reminding us that yes – we’ll be back out there swimming, riding ponies, surfing at the beach and smiling while playing miniature golf in NO time.

O.B. tampons: small box, no applicator. Compact, simple cellophane wrapper covering them, easy to use, and take up very little room in your purse. It is unfathomable, but some women simple aren’t down with getting that up close and personal with their own lady bits and maybe getting their finger a little spotty. Come on darlings – this is no time to be prim and squeamish. If you haven’t seen it in a mirror to understand how it goes together and pushed the buttons to see how it works, you don’t deserve to have sex and should just hang an “Out Of Order” sign over your girdle loop. Get over it. Get into it. It’s yours. Deal.

OG-style Tampax: wrapped in paper, cardboard applicator that breaks down relatively quickly if they happen to get loose in the environment. Preferable to the Pearl brand, which has an indestructible plastic applicator strong enough for shotgun shell casings and is then further wrapped in coated paper. Awesome. Go ahead. Try running them over with your car. You can’t destroy them. They’ll only get dirty . . . and more angry. That plastic rocket launcher is just one more wasteful obstacle between you and your nana. I don’t even want to go into the perfumed varieties. Now on top of your plastic fetish, you’re going to open a vapor-impermeable pouch and stick this vulcanized, alcohol soaked albino vampire into your hoo-ha where no one and nothing but your senseless cervix can smell it? Well it doesn’t work and now you smell of lightly talcumed meat. Fail. p.s. Talc is closely related to the potent carcinogen asbestos and talc particles have been shown to cause tumors in the ovaries and lungs of cancer victims. So hey – go easy on sprinkling the Johnson’s about your leaky basement. It’s a safety hazard. You’ll slip and fall. No need to announce “clean-up on aisle one.”

Natracare and Seventh Generation: chemical-free, non chlorine-bleached, simple packaging which means even less waste. Eco-conscious enough with all the key ingredient and disclaimers including no animal-testing and skin-tested only on fellow humans. You can sleep well in the knowledge that no bunnies had to hop about with a maxi pad strapped to their fluffy bums and instead, some nice lady in a lab got itchy a few times. This is still within the normal scope of your monthly cycle.

Jade and Pearl Sea Sponge: natural tampons inspired by the traditional use of sponges by menstruating women of ancient times. So if you want to bleed like Cleopatra, this is your bag. The Egyptians invented the tampon too – so you can thank them for that little wonder. Sea sponges are available in Teenie, Regular, and Large and you precision(?) fit to size by trimming the sea sponge and experimenting with insertion. Wow. Try not to think about doing dishes or wiping counters or a nice hot sponge bath because really, I can’t see how this is either sanitary OR relaxing. So Sally, if you’re worried about sullying up the seashore, (welcome to my new menstrual tongue twister) this is all the rage amongst mythological aquatic creatures. Apparently, sea sponges are what mermaids use.

Menstrual Cups – i.e.: Diva cup, Mooncup, Instead Softcup, Lunette, Keepercup, LadyCup, Femmecup, Miacup: Ok. Here’s where I drawn the line. This ain’t a Dixie Cup, or a Sippie Cup, a Tommee Tippee Cup or an Ice Cream Cup. This is none of those fun, sweet, childlike associations. But I trust you probably got over that the first time you sprung a leak and wrecked your favorite Underroos or your expensive lingerie for failing to count the days. Maybe I just haven’t been brave enough to go with a new, miserable experience, but let me get this straight . . . i fold a plastic, rubbery cup into a jelly roll, insert this, it pops open like a tulip, i “stir” it around to make sure the umbrella’s been fully deployed, which may take some coaxing and pushing and twisting, and then I pull it out by its dangling tail at intervals, wash it and reinsert it like tiny, portable Tupper Ware?!?!

Oh, hell no!

i am not about to wash my snatch basket in the sink (and carry special, mild, perfume-free, hypo-allergenic fem soap) in between classes or you know, when i take a restroom break to freshen up while out to dinner. i mean, how does one do this discreetly? Oh, and once a month, i get the distinct displeasure of a 5-minute boil for my little traveling jellyfish at the end of the cycle in some dedicated kitchen equipment that never sees food. Or, hey, i can use rubbing alcohol (and not hydrogen peroxide) to sterilize it. But I have to be extremely careful not to soak it too long and allow it to dry completely and not degrade the integrity of the plastic and rinse the residue so I don’t fuck up my vaginal pH.

O.B. tampons sounding better all the time, huh? Can you imagine wringing out your sea sponge? Wouldn’t you rather “touch it” now?

Go With The Flow

There was a time when i worked at a place so uptight, they wouldn’t allow the female staff to carry in a purse. Whether this was for security or to keep outside worldly distractions such as cell phones to a minimum was unclear, but the idea completely incensed my friend Nicole.

“What?” she snapped. “Where are you supposed to carry your tampons, up your ass?”

i explained to her how bad the work environment sucked and how tension and impossible precision reigned, thus, the topic of anal retention seemed a very fitting description. The job had me so upset, i couldn’t poop for a week. Then i quit.

And many light flow days from then, here i was on a Wednesday nite, standing there in the supermarket isle, paralyzed by too many choices and horrible, far-reaching consequences of those attempts at informed decision. There i was: hungry, cranky, wanting ice cream and a heating pad at the same time, thinking about plumbing, and ocean waters and marine life and cancer of the Yoni.

i turn to the woman next to me who is clicking and sucking at her teeth in audible consternation, just like me, and we both smile nervously, amazed at the mini internal crisis over what we’re going to buy. Neither of us will move first, both seem to be wondering how the other will select, looking for a brave trend to follow. Somehow, there’s a preposterous sense of worry over being judged, like bringing a film or a music cd or a book to the checkout clerk, the fear of choosing poorly, unwisely, without taste or sensibilities. “Hmmm,” she says. “Yeahhhhh,” I mutter slowly and drawn out. And we both start giggling.

My cup of joy is overflowing

I consider my internal flowchart for assessing absorbency needs:

junior – aww, isn’t that cute, you inked!

light – Miss Kitty has a nose bleed.

regular – oh, yay. my period’s back.

super – omg that’s a lot of blood.

super plus – jesus, maybe you should go to the hospital!

ultra – uhh, i think that blood clot just asked for a cigarette.

i am looking for regular. Just something in between, just a few tampons, a starter pack, a holdover since i don’t see any of my normal go-tos. And all they have is “a mere scratch” or “Carrie – Prom Scene.”

So i think of the dolphins and the salmon and the seabirds and i grab the 10-pack with the small, recyclable cardboard box and no applicator with the green looking package and eco-claims to fame and the woman next to me does the same. Just enough to soldier on.

It’s all i can do, really. If i don’t want to leave with anymore acronyms. Say, add PTSD to my PMS. Christ Almighty in a hybrid – i can’t even BLEED with out feeling guilty about it in my new sustainable world concept! i leave with my chlorine-free, biodegradable, non-applicator, no plastic, rayon-free tampons and my razors (which are free from animal testing) and a pint of, yes, sorry, blood orange sorbet, and it’s a good thing. While i’m happily eating my cool treat, i don’t need to imagine poor, naked bunnies hopping around with razor burn and nicks with only a maxi-pad to keep them warm. And after all this guilt, i just want to sandwich a washcloth and tuck it in my drawers or just sit on a sock and call it good.

Museum of Menstruation and Women’s Health

for all your bleeding needs . . .

Sign up here to get a FREE SAMPLE of Kotex Products!

Sign up here for your free sample of Kotex Ultra Thin Overnight Pad with Wings.  While supplies last.  Available to U.S. residents only in continental U.S. You must be 13 or older to receive this sample. Limit one sample per household.

Thanks, Deal Seeking Mom.

THE WORLDS BEST sanitary napkins for women It is 2-3 times more absorbent, virtually eliminates odor, cramping, pain, yeast, fungus, bacteria, and other menstrual related problems. MAGNETIC & FAR-INFRARED & NEGETIVE ION STRIP with natural invisible rays geberate greater well-being , good health , streangth , vigor and balance. They greatly enhance the body’s micro-circulatory system , strengthen the metabolism and improve resistance levels.naturally neutralizes positive ions which cause oder,yeast,fungus and bacterial growth.they help naturally reduce cramping and pain ,help oxygenate the blood,improve circulation and energy levels within the body.
THE only system in the World that can dramatically reduce CRAMPING , ORDER & BLOATING.

FEMININE PROTECTION TO THE POWER OF 3.
BOX CONTAINS 10 5-packs nighttime protection + 12 8-packs for daytime protection.
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http://www.i2living.com/davisfamily

*Freestyle Lite Blood Glucose Monitor
Sale Price: $19.99
Earn: $5 RR
Final Price: $19.99, free after MIR

*Roots of Nature Hair Care
Sale Price: $6.99
Earn: $6.99 RR
Final Price: $6.99, free after RR

*Reese’s Halloween Candy
Sale Price: 2/$1 (Wags In Ad q)
Use: (2) $0.55/1 (8/23 SS)
Final Price: Free after coupons

*ThermaCare Heat Wrap
Sale Price: $2.49
Use: $1/1 (8/23 RP) – if trial size is not excluded or PRINT IP
Earn: $2.49 RR
Final Price: Free after RR and coupon

*Aussie Hair Care
Sale Price: $2.99 – buy 2 @ $5.98
Use: $2/2 (9/13 RP)
Earn: $2 RR
Final Price: $1.98 for 2, or $0.99 each after RR and coupon

*Oral B Indicator Toothbrush and/or Crest Toothpaste
Sale Price: 2/$4, get (1) toothpaste and (2) toothbrushes
Use: (1) $0.50/1 Crest q (8/30 PG) and (1) BOGO Oral-B q (8/23 RP)
Earn: $2 RR wyb 2
Final Price: $1.50 for 3 items, or $0.50 each after RR and coupons

*Aquafresh Iso-active Toothpaste
Sale Price: $3.49
Use: $1/1 (9/20 RP)
Earn: $1.50 RR
Final Price: $0.99 after coupon and RR

*Kotex
Sale Price: 2/$6
Use: (2) $1/1 Pads mfr q or (2) $0.75/1 Tampons/Liners q (8/23 SS)
Final Price: 2/$4 (Pads) or 2/ $4.50 (Tampons/Liners)

* Glade PlugIns Refills, 2-pk (unsure of which is included in sale, so multiple scenarios are given)
Sale Price: $3.99
Use: $2/1 Scented Oil Twin Refill mfr q (9/13 PX*)
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OR
Use: $3/1 Scented Oil Lasting Impressions Refill mfr q (9/20 SS)
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*Note: PX = Publix. This q states ‘redeemable only at Publix’ but it IS a mfr q and can be used anywhere!*

*Campbell’s Soup
Sale Price: $0.89
Use: $0.25/3 (9/20 SS) and (3) $0.89/each Wags In Ad q
Final Price:  $2.42, or $0.81 each

*Campbell’s Chunky or Select Harvest Soup
Sale Price: $3.19
Use: BOGO Wags In Ad q and $0.50/2 mfr q (8/16 SS or 9/13 SS)
Final Price: $2.69, or $1.34 each

*Healthy Choice, 2/$5
Use (2) $2/1 IP Print HERE
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*Cover Girl Clean Liquid Foundation or Pressed Powder, $4.99
Use (1) $1/1 mfr q from 8/30 P&G
Use (1) Free CG face product wyb CG Foundation (no value limit) 8/30 P&G
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*Kotex Tampons, Pads, or Liners. 2/$10
Use (2) $1/1 Pads mfr q from 8/23 SS
Earn: $2 ECB
Final Price: $8 after coupons, $6 after coupons and ECB earned
OR
Use (2) $0.75/1 Tampons or Liners mfr q from 8/23 SS
Earn: $2 ECB
Final Price: $8.50 after coupons, $6.50 after coupons and ECB earned

*Schick Quattro for Women Razor or Cartridges, BOGO Free
Use (2) $4/1 mfr q from 8/23 SS
Final Price: $2

*Schick Slim Triple ST3 Disposables, $6.99
Use (1) $3/1 mfr q from 8/16 SS
Earn: $4 ECB
Final Price: $3.99 after coupon, Free after coupon and ECB earned

Go here to get a FREE sample of the new Always Thin Flexi Style Liner.

Go here to get a FREE sample from Kotex (this one also comes with $1.00 coupons – which should be able to get you FREE liners at Walmart!).

Description
1 unopened pack of 10 pieces + 1 opened pack with 8 pieces left.
Price: SGD 6.00

Pictures

Esos trinches amarillos siempre a la vanguardia de sus productos, no solo mejoran la calidad si no te incluyen algunas cosillas extras que no están especificadas en el paquete.

Everyone knows that I love freebies and here are quite a few items that you can request, thanks to Carrie from MoneySavingMethods.  Click on the links for more info on each freebie.  I have already requested quite a few of these.  I will keep passing freebies on to you as I come across them!

• Free Pair of Acuvue Oasys Astigmatism
• Free Pair of Acuvue Moist
• Easy Bakeware Pan ( $1 Shipping w/trial )
• Enfamil Breastfeeding Support Kit
• Free Kotex

• We magazine from Weleda
• OXY acne cleanser
• 3D glasses from Verizon designed to watch a Verizon FiOS movie
• Lullaby downloads
• A.C.T.Energy Drink
• Honey Nut Cheerios ( sample and coupon)
• Survival Guide for the Soul (request a copy or download it)
• Leapfrog Book
• Cheating with Chocolate snack sample
• Printable cross-stitch patterns
• Popular Science magazine subscription
• Lorax Activity Book (pdf or order)

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Having worked in healthcare marketing and communications for my entire career, I’m always interested in how companies are marketing to women. Women are important to companies because they often control many purchasing and healthcare decisions.

Today, my friend Katherine brought in a sample that she received in the mail. Cleverly concealed inside a fairly large box were four samples of Kotex pads. Yes, Kotex, the same brand that your grandmother used. The same kind of feminine product that achieved such brand notariety that it became a household name, like Scotch tape, Kleenex and Tampax (what’s the deal with paper product names ending with “x” anyway?).

“I need some Kotex” really meant “I need some pads.” You can call them “sanitary napkins” but that sounds like the term that the geeky eighth grade filmstrip narrator used when you watched “the movie” in school.

The Couch You Can Wear!

Well, the folks at Kimberly-Clark are now touting the benefits of the Kotex brand of pads with the tagline “move freely.” It seems easier, however, to move freely if you’re not wearing a giant cotton couch. Fortunately, there are more compact options. At least it’s not the same thing our mothers were forced to wear. Between surfboard- sized pads, Dippity-Do as the hair product of choice and the teased helmet hair styles of the ’60s, I can see why they drank and smoked. What torture. Between that and lead-painted cribs, I’m surprised we’re even semi-normal.

So as we were discussing Kimberly Clark’s direct mail/sampling strategy, we were joined by our friend, Sam. In his infinite wisdom, Sam looked at the pads and had a revelation.

Clean and Sanitary

“These are just like the Swiffer Wet-Jet pads!” We died laughing. He was exactly right. Maybe some guy got a hold of a Kotex, checked it out and realized how absorbent it was. My guess, however, is that some mother, in a pinch to get her floor cleaned, decided to improvise by slapping a maxi-pad on her mop and voila, quick cleanup and a sanitary floor! Absorbent, disposable, what an idea! It must have been love at first sight for Procter & Gamble, but they likely used their own Always pad and wrapped the protective wings around the map for a more secure clean. Pad on a mop = Swiffer. I so wish I had some up with this idea.

Why is it that men are always freaked out about discussing girl stuff, anyway? Guys who are sent to the grocery store by their girlfriends/wives/sisters have a complete meltdown if they need to retrieve “girl products.” 

C’mon, Just Buy The Stuff

Hello…I think most people in the store know that the men are buying these products for someone other than themselves. I think nothing of it. I’ll even help them make their selection.  Men, I don’t think people assume you’re mopping your floor with pads, or using tampons for a creative wall painting technique (though they’d be great for making polka dots).

Imagine the distress we feel when you’re doing a home improvement project and we have to run to Home Depot to pick up  a 3/8″ reversible ratcheting combination wrench. We are clueless about wrenches, so we ask the guy in the orange apron for help.

You know, this “time” each month isn’t the most fun for us women, and occasionally we need you to run to the store. Buy some products, chocolate, gossip magazines, or salty snacks. And this is going to happen to our daughters, too. My poor husband lives with a wife, two daughters and a neutered dog. He’s toast. He may as well stay at work for a week. At least we don’t ask him to buy products. If he ever needs Depends, though, we’ll be on it, ready to go get ‘em.

After the Swiffer discussion was over, we did think that this direct mail from Kimberly-Clark was a good idea. After all, who wants to go out and buy a package of pads and not like them. I guess if you didn’t, you’d have some great mop covers.

Follow up…I’d like to thank my colleague Melody for her outstanding suggestion for using leftover pads. Kotex slippers! I might have consider making these for my friends for Christmas!

I’ve often found myself a bit confused here in America land. We are by some accounts the richest, most educated?, enlightened?, hip?, culture in the world. Yet we are entirely old-fashioned, puritanistic when it comes to sex. We do it like rabbits of course just like everyone else does, but we like it neat and tidy, and we mostly think it’s  dirty, naughty, and at least verbally we announce, it belongs to married people only.

Thus the censor. For reasons known only to the FCC and that scary board that decides these things, most things sexual are still verboten in TV land. At least on network TV. Cable is another story for again, reasons that seem cloudy. Basic cable can be raunchier than free TV, but paying for “premium” cable, gets you off the hook entirely, except that if premium cable sells its old stuff to regular cable, they can show it uncut and uncensored. Beats me.

We are scared of boobs and bottoms, and most would faint to see the stuff  located between the legs of homo sapiens, except that we, at least those of us not too obese, view it regularly in the shower. But on TV? NOOOO.

It’s not that I argue we should, mind you, I am fairly ambivalent actually, but we seem on the other hand to have such a penchant for other bodily things that I find utterly offensive, that I do begin to wonder. Let me explain.

It seemed, I think, to start with this. Kotex began advertising on TV. Now I remember as a young girl, that one acquired said pads and tampons on the sly, carefully looking around to make sure no guy was around. Tension mounted as you approached the counter, trying ever so hard to be nonchalant, hoping the check out clerk was not male. Hoping you wouldn’t discover that you had the wrong size, amount, and he would get on the PA and announce, “A BOX OF SUPER ABSORBENT TAMPONS, 36 COUNT, REGISTER 7 PLEASE.”

Undoubted it all started with “pads” which now come in thin and thick, wide and narrow, wings and unwinged, night time and day, super absorbent and “regular.” I always used the super super super, in case you were wondering, and I bet you weren’t. Yet you saw all this on TV, not a few times with an anxious, pimply, adolescent boy sitting by your side.

We moved on to pregnancy tests, which weren’t so bad but for  the method of testing .

“Just put the strip in your urine stream.” Yeah, that goes well with the pork chop I’m eating at the dinner table! This is more information than I need or want to know. If I’m ever concerned about it, I’ll read the directions. But then again, now I’m told 1 in 4 women can’t read the results accurately. Perhaps the new one have a recording that announces, “you pregnant, you not.”

Peeing did not stop with pregnancy. Oh no, now we got to move on to uncontrolled peeing. When you gotta pee too much, too often. My favorite is the cardboard figure that urges women to have that “Detrol talk with your doctor.”

Imagine going into your doctor and proudly announcing, “Doctor, I want to have the Detrol talk.” He/she will be ushering you into to have the “crazy talk” with the resident therapist.

And don’t get me started with side effects. If you listen, as they race over them like they don’t really matter, you can often find references to heightened desires of suicide, sleepwalking while driving and eating, uncontrolled urges to gamble, and other rather bizarre and frightening things. Thanks, but an extra trip to the potty will do me just fine.

Men of course cannot be left out of this fun fest, so there are more commercials about men racing off of golf carts to porta potties and missing the key hits in the baseball game. Missing all the fun things that men bond over like canoeing and camping, though peeing in the woods seems rather easy to men.

But that’s not enough, let’s hear the symptoms on TV. Enlarged prostate, weak stream, stopping and going, not enough, too much, wrong color, tendency to spray, I dunno, it all makes me turn up my nose and wish I was somewhere else.

And then, should all else fail, why by God have we got the solution for you!

If you just can’t manage to contain your pee, then pee away in your grown up diapers. Plenty of help with how comfortable they are, how odor free, how you can “enjoy life once again.

Oh thank you I’m just so glad I know all this. I’d never have found out without your TV advertising. My DOCTOR would never have mentioned it surely if I had such a problem. No way. He’s being paid not to so the only way I can find out about it is while I’m eating popcorn and watching “All My Children.” Geesh.

It just gets worse after that. Now we gotta deal with really really disgusting stuff.

Got an itchy Ummm tata? I won’t get any more graphic, but the TV ad will. Well solve that and get “long lasting relief.” Now I’m really off my feed. I don’t want to think about itchy stuff down there! If I get itchy stuff, I’ll go to a doctor, thank you, and again, he/she can tell me about what marvels are now on the shelves of my local drugstore. I don’t wanna know this when I’m calmly munching my danish over morning coffee.

If your itch be a bit further back, than do we have a deal for you. It’s hemorrhoid medicine. Now the Contrarian always thought that Johnny Cash should have sold the rights to his song “Ring of Fire,” for this malady, and he rues that that never happened. But Pleeeez, enough already. I’m quite adept by now at scouring in sunglasses the dark aisles of the drugstore in search of unmentionable ointments and salves for unmentionable bodily ailments.

Why do you think I want to watch this crap on TV?

Our tour of the body gone wrong ends with the usual big boy on the block, the dick commercials. Viagra, Cialis, and another one that is more dubious called an “enhancement.”

We got singing Viagra bands and double tubs in meadows (how romantic is that?) and leering women all alluding to how much “fun” their man is now. The pill or device rectifies too small, too soft, or not hard long enough penises. Weee, I’m so glad I got all that information. I tend to like to inquire of every man I meet, how he penis is doing these days.

Well, I hope you get the point. Whatever happened to the “Jolly Green Giant,” “Tony the Tiger” and the “Doublemint Twins?” No wonder America is paranoid, and thinks Sarah Palin is “one of us.” We’re crazy as loons, and we have the commercials to prove it.

Here’s a Disney film that most people probably haven’t heard of and would not have dreamt that they would have made. It is actually an educational film that was produced for Kotex back in 1946.

A disc of Disney educational films would be fascinating stuff and something that I would buy in a heartbeat.

Can you tell that I’m celebrating that Aunt Irma is gone?

Guess what are these colourful ‘things’ on my iMac.

Hint: It’s big, green and round!

xoxo
Wen Bunny

გუშინდელი დღე ჩემს მომავალ პატარას მივუძღვენი

4 საათზე დიმამ მომაკითხა და წავედით სერგოსთან ეხოზე, კიდევ ერთხელ მინდა გამოვხატო ჩემი უდიდესი სიმპატიები მაგ ადამიანთან დაკავშირებით.

ძალიან საყვარელი კაცია, ძალიან კარგი მიდგომა აქვს ადამიანებისადმი

ბაია ამოტრიალდა როგორც იქნა რამაც ძალიან გამაბედნიერა, თუმცა ამჯერად მეორე ფაქტორი ამოქმედდა

რამდენადაც ეხოზე ჩანს და იზომება, ჩემი ბაია უკვე 3100გრამია, რაზეც სერგომ მითხრა რომ საკმაოდ დიდია უკვეო და 6 საათის მერე წყლის გარდა ყველაფერი ამიკრძალა, რო ძალიან არ გაიზარდოს კიდევო.

მერე ვთხოვე სურათი გადამიღე ბავშვის მეთქი და მაგარი დამცინა

37 კვირაზე რა სურათი გინდა ამ კამერის დიამეტრში რაც იღებს მარტო თავიც არ დაეტევა იმხელააო უკვეო

ხოდა მაინც გადავაღებინე და ჩემი გოჭი “IT უცხოპლანეტელი” რო იყო, მაგას გავს

მოვკვდით სიცილით მე და დიმა კინაღამ სახელი გადავიფიქრეთ და IT დავარქვით.

მერე დიმამ უბანში დამტოვა, შევქანდი ეგრევე PSPში და მთელი სია ვიყიდე სამშობიაროში წასაღები ნივთების

აქაც ვაკოპირებ რაიცი როდის დაგჭირდებათ

თათასთვის: (ბრენდებსაც ვწერ  )

ანტიპერსპირანტი DOVE ლურჯთავსახურიანი (ვაფანატებ მაგ სუნზე, მესამე წელია არ ვცვლი

კბილის პასტა პარადონტაქსი

კბილის ჯაგრისი Colgate 360 ყველაზე რბილი ფუნჯებით

პაკეტები Kotex ყველაზე დიდი ზომა

პერანგი (ძაან სასაცილოა ფართხუნა ატლასის) დედაცემმა გამომიჩხრიკა

პიჟამა (მეორე მესამე დღისთვის – ვერ ვიტან პერანგებს) (Victoria’s secret)

საპონი _ Palmolive ქაშმირი კრემ-საპონი როა რბილი და ნაზი

ოთახის შლოპკები (OLDNAVY)

აბაზანის შლოპკები (შოდი)

პირსახოცი დიდი (noname  )

ჰიგიენური პომადა (AVON)

სავარცხელი (Oriflame made of wood)

შამპუნი (გლისკურს და BC_s ვხმარობ მხოლოდ)

მკერდის საფენები (NOLKEN BABY LINE)

საბუთები (გაცვლა-გამოცვლის ბარათი + ქორწინების მოწმობა + პირადობა)

რძის საწველი აპარატი  (Chicco)

და 1500 ლარი (Kor Standard Bank)

ვიკისთვის (Victoria’ს ვარქმევ  )

სველი სალფეტკები (Jonson’s Baby)

ბაიას გამოსაყვანი სეტი (BabyMallOnline) და ჩემმა დამ ძაან საყვარელი გამოსაყვანი რაღაცა მომიტანა დღეს

ტალკი ბაიასთვის (Jonson’s Baby)

საპინი ბავშვის (Jonson’s Baby)

მერე ავედი სახლში, მთელი დღე არაფერი არ მქონდა ნაჭამი, ვჭამე შემწვარი კარტოფილი და წავედი კიკვიძის ბაღში

ჩავრთე ფორტუნა + და 4 დიდი წრე დავარტყი ბაღს ნაუშნიკებთან ერთად, თან ვფიქრობდი რაღაცეებს ბაიაზე და მომავალზე და ძალიან მესიამოვნა ესე ბოდიალი, სახლში ასვლაც არ მინდოდა.

Let’s see how the Ellie Edition of FCF goes this week…

Like to cook? Here’s a free download of Down Home Healthy Cooking.

Here’s a sample of Garnier Nutritioniste Ultra-lift Pro Deep Wrinkle Cream.

For the Adventurous, Rugged, Masculine man in your life- grab some Stetson All American cologne.

And women, we all know that Aunt Flo’s visits are inevitable so be prepared! Here’s a Kotex sample.

Summer’s almost here so if you need to help keep your children entertained, TakeLessons is offering a download of music lessons!

Coldplay is thanking their fans by offering up a free download of their album LeftRightLeftRightLeft.

Have a young child? Parenting The Early Years is a very helpful magazine. StartSampling is offering a free subscription to the digital download of it!

For those traveling this summer, those little bottles of shampoo can really add up in price so instead- sign up for a sample of Head & Shoulders.

For those guitar players out there (the actual guitars, not the Guitar Hero/Rock Band guitars!), grab yourself a free pick holder & picks!

Ok, now that those are all posted- let’s play a game! It’s called “See if Ellie made any mistakes”! Here’s how you play- check out all the links & if I’ve made a mistake post it in a comment! I’ll fix it as fast as I can! Enjoy!

Kanske inget för Farbror Sid, men som ren info

Das erste Buch über LaTeX in türkischer Sprache ist seit kurzem im PDF-Format auf CTAN verfügbar. „Adım Adım LaTeX“ („LaTeX Schritt für Schritt“, übersetzt die „LaTeX Community“) von Abdugafur Rakhimov und Orhan Kesemen wurde zuerst im Jahre 2004 veröffentlicht. Es handelt sich um den ersten Band der Einführung. Die Autoren haben vor kurzem einen zweiten Teil veröffentlicht, und sie beabsichtigen, dem README zufolge, diesen sobald wie möglich ebenfalls im Internet zugänglich zu machen. Daneben gibt es noch eine türkische Übersetzung des Klassikers l2kurz, die Bekir Karaoglu besorgt hat.

Die Entwicklung von LuaTeX geht derweil planmäßig weiter voran. Derzeit ist Version beta 0.40.0 aktuell. Die stabile Version 0.40 soll in TeX Live 2009 einfließen. LuaTeX 1.0 ist übrigens für das Jahr 2012 vorgesehen, genau 30 Jahre nach der Veröffentlichung von TeX82. Einzelheiten zur Entwicklung von LuaTeX sind in der Präsentation zu dem Vortrag nachzulesen, den Hans Hagen bei der DANTE-Tagung im Februar 2009 in Wien gehalten hatte.

Joseph Wright zufolge soll der Feature freeze für TeX Live 2009 „irgendwann im Mai“ erfolgen.

Neue TeX-Software für den Mac: Adam R. Maxwell hat seine TeX Live Utility, das graphische Frontend zu dem TeX Live Manager tlmgr für MacTeX, überarbeitet. Version 0.66 arbeitet nun mit texdoc 0.42 zusammen. Herbert Schulz weist auf einen neuen LaTeX-Editor hin, der gerade als Beta-Version veröffentlicht worden ist: TexWriter. Anders als der bewährte TeXShop von Dick Koch, stellt TexWriter Texteingabe und PDF-Vorschau im selben Fenster dar. Der Editor läuft unter Mac OS X Leopard und dürfte einen Test wert sein.

Die bereits erwähnte Entfernung des LaTeX-Exportfilters aus der Entwicklerversion von OpenOffice.org ist mittlerweile für den in Kürze bevorstehenden Release von OOo 3.1 bestätigt worden. Writer2LaTeX ist im aktuellen OpenOffice.org 3.1 RC2 nicht mehr enthalten und muß deshalb über den Extension Manager nachinstalliert werden.

Microsoft hat seine Ankündigung umgesetzt und den Kunden im Rahmen seiner Document Interop Initiative nunmehr ODF-Filter für MS Office bereitgestellt. Sie sind Teil des Service Pack 2 für MS Office 2007. Mithilfe dieser Filter wäre grundsätzlich auch ein Datenimport von LaTeX-Dokumenten möglich, denn der Konverter TeX4ht vermag bekanntlich ODT-Dateien zu erzeugen. Die ersten Berichte von Anwendern und Entwicklern sind eher zurückhaltend ausgefallen: Weder Excel noch PowerPoint sind vollständig kompatibel mit OpenOffice.org 3. Anscheinend verwendet Microsoft ODF nur als Container für das hauseigene Office Open XML. Außerdem erzeugen die Filter noch die ältere Version ODF 1.0. Wer als MS-Office-Anwender Wert auf zuverlässigen Datenaustausch mit OOo legt, sollte sich deshalb besser das Sun-ODF-Plugin für MS-Office installieren, das wohl parallel betrieben werden kann, oder gleich OpenOffice.org verwenden.

Nach dem Verkauf von Sun an Oracle, wird übrigens die Gründung einer Stiftung für das OpenOffice.org-Projekt unter neuen Vorzeichen diskutiert.

Ein schönes und potentiell nützliches Feature stellt das LaTeX-Plugin von Zachary West für Adium bereit, den freien Multi-Protokoll-Client für den Apple Macintosh. Zwar wird Mac OS X bekanntlich mit einer eigenen Instant Messaging-Software ausgeliefert, aber eigentlich macht Chatten auch auf dem Mac erst mit Open-Source-Anwendungen richtig Spaß. Wer nur Jabber oder andere XMPP-Dienste nutzen möchte, kann auf Psi zurückgreifen. Wer daneben auch andere, proprietäre Protokolle verwenden möchte, sollte sich den wesentlich mächtigeren und sehr komfortabel zu bedienenden Adium einmal anschauen. Im Gegensatz zu dem recht einfach gehaltenen iChat, kann man sich damit beispielsweise auch einen Jabber-Account einrichten.

Adium kann mithilfe des gerade erwähnten Plugins während des Chats LaTeX-Quelltext in einer Preview darstellen (eine funktionstüchtige TeX-Installation dürfen wir bei den Lesern dieses Blogs voraussetzen). Die Funktion stand bis Version 1.0.6 standardmäßig in Adium zur Verfügung, wie man liest, wurde dann aber entfernt (wer, bitte, kommt denn auf solche Ideen?), sie kann seitdem gesondert nachinstalliert werden. Mathematische Formeln, die in $$ … $$ oder in \[ … \] eingeschlossen sind, werden beim Senden automatisch geTeXt und in eine PNG-Datei gewandelt. Sie erscheint dann in Adium anstelle des Quelltexts, und auch der Empfänger kann sich korrekt ausgezeichnete LaTeX-Codefragmente auf diese Weise „live“ graphisch darstellen lassen – sofern auch sein IM-Client über eine LaTeX-Unterstützung verfügt. Den Kommentaren von Anwendern zufolge, scheint das Adium-Plugin leider nur auf Intel-Macs zu laufen, Power-PC-Anwender müssen demnach also leider auf dieses Feature verzichten. Vergleichbare Lösungen gibt es übrigens für den IM- und IRC-Client von KDE Kopete (KopeTeX) sowie für die Clients Pidgin und Miranda. (Vindauga danke ich für die freundliche Rückmeldung zu Kopete).

Zum Abschluß ein Überblick über die TeX-Zeitschriften, die in der letzten Zeit online gestellt worden sind:

Ausgabe 5 von Ars TeXnica ist mittlerweile auf der Website der italienischen TeX-Anwendervereinigung GuIT veröffentlicht worden. Unter den rein italienischsprachigen Beiträgen findet sich u. a. eine Einführung in XeTeX von Massimiliano Dominici.

Javier Bezos berichtet in TeXemplares 8 von CervanTeX über die Entwicklung der neuen spanischen Trennmuster, die vor kurzem in babel integriert worden sind. Der Beitrag befaßt sich insbesondere mit der Trennung von Wörtern, die einen Bindestrich enthalten.

Das Asian Journal of TeX besteht erst seit 2007. In Ausgabe 2/2008 berichtet Juho Lee über das koreanische Alphabet Hangeul und seine typographisch korrekte Umsetzung in ko.TeX (ein Beitrag in koreanischer Sprache).

MAPS 35 von der niederländischen NTG enthält u. a. eine Einführung in pgf/TikZ von Wili Egger.

Today is moving day! We have been very busy! Thankfully Lance is getting help moving the big stuff, while I’m at home packing up some last minute things.  I’m also trying to figure out how to get internet at our new place.  I’ve never had to purchase it before.  There have always been a couple public ones within range.  Hopefully this won’t impact my blog posts for more than a couple of days.

Here are a few freebies:

Today’s free Redbox code: F3T9L6

Free Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

Gain Detergent sample and coupon

Sun Crystals Sweetner sample

Tide Total Care sample

Free Gooseberry Patch Cookbook

B1G1 free coupon for Seattle’s Best Coffee

Check out this blog to find out how to get McAfee Total Protection 2009 free!

Kotex sample

Free coffee spoon