Slumber (Photo credit: weesen)

Some people drink when they are under stress, others turn to cigarettes, some to drugs. It soothes their souls and it may take the edge off of their anxiety. The people who drink red wine can boast that it is medicinally beneficial, heart healthy in fact. Others like scotch or beer or ooey- gooey sweet stuff with vodka in it, like a spiked punch. I do none of the above, when I am anxious all I do is get into my bed, surrounded by layers upon layers of blankets and sleep. Really, I do. The only food my stomach allows me to eat is a Kraft (orange) American Cheese Sandwich on soft bread with soft butter or margarine spread and a box of Yoo Hoo to drink. That’s it. I lose weight during this period of anxiety but really, it isn’t any fun and definitely not worth it, well maybe worth it a tiny bit.

There is nothing more relaxing to me than”hibernating” under mountains of blankets, snuggling with my pillows and escaping life’s problems. Do I know what I am doing? Absolutely. Do I choose to do this? Yes. It is my way of dealing with overwhelming stress without any addiction except the warmth of my bed, no alcohol or drugs needed. Sometimes I say I am just going “to rest” and we all know what that means…..

I acknowledge what my problems are, I’m not crazy, this is my coping mechanism. I can’t change the situations at hand for the better so I have to live with them and instead of being the hyper-oh-my-God-what-are-we-going-to-do person that I already have been for 24 hours, I try to balance that with pure avoidance therapy. It’s cheaper than a lot of other coping mechanisms and I can do it anytime I want.

There are only specific foods that I CAN eat when I am that, shall we say, out of sorts? American cheese (Kraft Individualized Orange slices) and bread, soft butter and Yoo- Hoo to drink (boxes). This is my comfort food and I will absolutely have it every single day, it is the only thing I WANT to eat and CAN eat when I am this upset. It soothes me. I can eat it five times in a row, even ten. It depends heavily on the situation. Tonight, I actually ate something different since we were at a restaurant but the only thing that appealed to me was ravioli stuffed with butternut squash. I couldn’t look at my husband’s rare burger though admittedly I did try a bite of my son’s steak. It tasted delicious. My own food was soft, mushy and comforting and it certainly was in the same genre as my American cheese sandwich. Club soda with lemon was definitely no substitute for my beloved Yoo- Hoo. They should really stock that in restaurants, don’t you think?

Things are a little better now, not completely but we are coping. I’m off the complete American cheese sandwich but am still into small portions of soft food like the baked ziti I made today. It wasn’t my exact comfort food but I’m trying to branch out a little. Even I try to be flexible after my 24-48 hours guaranteed American Cheese/Yoo-Hoo Festival. Sometimes. it even works. Sigh. Okay. Rarely.

*my admiration and thanks go out to Kraft and Yoo-Hoo companies.

KRAFT will donate a meal to Feeding America for every customer who visits Five Guys and checks in here with a mobile device through Foursquare or Facebook.

The two-week, nationwide promotion supports Hunger Action Month and is expected to provide a donation of 100,000 meals to Feeding America.

Anyone who participates in the check-in promotion will receive a coupon for KRAFT American Cheese slices.

Check in for charity! Eat a @Five_Guys burger & @kraftfoods will donate to @FeedingAmerica bit.ly/Sv1DP2—
  (@foursquare) September 17, 2012

The Gerber Baby. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What food did you love as a child that you no longer care for?

• This is a wee (no pun intended) bit embarrassing. All the mushy children’s food that I loved as a child I still love now. Yep, that’s me. I’m 55 going on 5 and proud of it. Cottage cheese and Gerber’s peaches (dipped not swirled) only led to further adventures into Gerber’s expanded flavors like fruit blend or applesauce. Cottage cheese in one dish, tiny spoon and dip into the Gerber’s jar, delicious. Haven’t had it in a while so thank you for the reminder. By the way the name of this coveted dish is called “Larry.” Apparently, I ate this gourmet meal first at a friend’s house named, of course, Larry. Thus, the meal and my love was born. When my children were little I thought they would love it too but no, they didn’t. It didn’t matter at all, I just ate it instead of them. On my next trip to the grocery store, “Larry” will be on my list. Don’t judge until you have tried it, it’s great. PS I still like chocolate milk, Kraft (individual slices) American Cheese sandwiches on bread with butter, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and egg salad (without a trace of the dreaded egg-shell included.) The only thing I don’t eat anymore (sigh) is Wonder Bread but honestly, I have no doubt that I would still love that soft, cottony goodness. It’s been replaced by multi-grain bread because I’m supposed to be a grown-up!

I love Dunkin Donut’s Bacon, Egg and Cheese Croissant.  I love that greasy buttery croissant and the melty cheese and the big circle of griddled bacon.  Love it.  You know how many calories are in that damn thing?  570! Add a beverage and you’re screwed.

So I’ve tried to make my own but the egg portion always failed because I scrambled them or tried to do them sunnyside up – okay but not the taste/structure that makes  the original so yummy.

Then my eyes fell across my large Wilton biscuit cutter, which just happens to be a smidge larger than the english muffin.  Problem solved.

Kelli’s Bacon, Egg and Cheese on English Muffin Sandwich:

One toasted English Muffin

One slice American cheese

One slice bacon

One egg

Biscuit cutter or ring mold the same size as your english muffin

Small offset spatula

Crack egg into small bowl and lighly beat.  I like to add a bit of whole grain dijon mustard.  Heat a small skillet on low and spray with non-stick cooking spray.  Also spray the inside and bottom outside of your biscuit cutter.  Place the cutter into the skillet and then carefully pour the beaten egg into the cutter.  The key to not burning your egg is to cook low and slow.

When only the top of your egg jiggles slowly remove the mold.  If it sticks, slide your offset spatula around the edge.  Then, once the mold is clear, use the spatula to flip the egg over to lightly brown the top.

Place your egg on your toasted english muffin, place the cheese on top of the egg and cover to melt the cheese while you cook your bacon.  Slide your cooked bacon on top of the egg or cheese and enjoy!

Ateco makes a set of ring molds/cutters in a ton of different sizes and Wilton is apparently the sole baking supplies provider at Michael’s so look for the cutter with the aqua silicon top as that fits the english muffin.

Total - 295 calories, 10 minutes

K

English: Individually wrapped slices of American cheese. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In addition to eating for enjoyment, I’ve realized food choices reflect my mood. When I am nervous I can eat rapidly, going from one food to the other at an alarming rate: sweet, salty, sweet, salty, crunchy, soft, sweet, salty. When I am worried (I’m in that stage now) food has very little appeal to me and I need to force myself to eat.

I remember when my dad was in the hospital for quadruple by-pass heart surgery my mother complained to him that “your daughter has not eaten in three days.” Like he needed to hear that! But, I do remember having to force myself to take a bite of my age-old comfort food, bread, butter and Kraft’s American Cheese (individually wrapped.) My only beverage of choice was a Yoo-Hoo. To this day, if I can’t eat, which admittedly is rare, I will rely on the same things or scrambled eggs with a lightly toasted English muffin with butter and grape jelly (not jam) to put something in my stomach.

Comfort food. The things we had in our childhood that made us feel better. I had a friend whose comfort food was a hamburger. I found it strange but to her it was comforting, that is what her mother made her when she didn’t feel well. It was her version of my American cheese sandwich. What are some of your comfort foods? I’d love to hear about them and why. No judgment here. Love,food and comfort, they unite us all.

We’re actually certain of it. The kid definitely ate frozen dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. But again, I’m going to stick with “the rather hefty 20-year-old gentleman”.

The poor table collapsed and was then obliterated by the sheer weight of this guy. He stood up and placed the remains in a corner like nothing had ever happened. We knew, though. We saw it all.

Needless to say, when I come over I often find their plates of food sitting at the foot of the couch next to their discarded magnetic hairballs that always seem to find their way up my leg, in between my fingers, or if I’m really lucky – my mouth. Oddly enough I’m still considering moving in with them. Even after last night when they backed me into the corner of the dining room and glared at me, giggling uncontrollably, until I threatened to leave.

We did have some fun, though. I’m not sure where it came from, but inside the large cardboard box was a pile of packaged mini-bagels, hotdog buns, hamburger buns, chocolate-covered sticky buns and a few loafs of bread. That’s a whole lot of buns.

And loafs, I guess.

We were having a somewhat normal conversation before Lexi reached in the box, grabbed a sticky bun and hurled it across the room at the wall. It made a loud splat before hitting the ground. It reminded me of the time I threw a slice of Kraft American cheese at the wall by their front door. We all waited for it to fall, but it never did.

We shared a moment of brief silence as we stared into each others eyes with a look of sick joy on each of our faces before the three of us began screaming at the top of our lungs. We dove into the box, throwing the bags of bread, bagels and pre-wrapped sticky buns all over the apartment. We couldn’t stop ourselves. It was some sort of magnificent high we were experiencing. It was all too short and came to a sudden halt as we looked around to find the contents of the box scattered across the floor, and all over the couch.

There was another brief silence, like the calm before a storm. It was almost a sense of despair that lingered for those few short seconds. It was over.

Suddenly, Lexi was throwing sticky buns at the fireplace again and before we knew it, Shannon and I had joined back in. I almost can’t remember it all – it’s as if it never really happened. Was it a dream? Something tells me it’s possible it could have even been a trip on acid (something I would know absolutely nothing about). It’s all still a bit foggy.

All I know is that our second round of ravage bun-slinging came to a violent halt as one of us swung a loaf of white bread into the wall, sending sliced goodness through the air in what seemed like every direction.

Actually, it mostly just ended up in Shannon’s room and in the guest bathroom. This was taken at the scene.

This is what I have to look forward to in the Spring when we move in together. Is it sad that the only good I can see to come from this is that I’ll get to have more bun-slinging parties (which sounds vaguely dirty, but it’s not)?

Anyway, I can’t decide if I actually want to drive over there tonight. Today Shannon said I always look like a rat, so I’m leaning more towards no. She also told me I’m adopted, and my parents only chose me because they felt bad for the ugly rat boy. She then gave herself a pat on the back for figuring that one out.

I think I’m done writing now. I probably shouldn’t even be on the computer. Rats don’t know how to use computers and I’m bound to screw something up.

I’ll probably just go to sleep because nobody ever talks to me on twitter, and I’m almost certain my dog is only going to leave me alone if she’s convinced I’m dead. Also, there’s a frightening smell emerging from my room and I don’t know how much longer I can stay conscious while holding my breath like this.

Love,

Patch

Image via Wikipedia

I have a weird relationship with food; in addition to just adoring it I name it.  Apparently, I started really young giving names to food based on the person I ate the food with or the person who introduced me to it. First, there was Larry. I was friends with a little boy named Larry when I was about 18 months. Larry consists of peach baby food (I have advanced to pears and fruit delight) and cottage cheese. Not mixed together. Ever. Eating Larry consists of a ritual dipping of a teaspoon into cottage cheese and then dipping it into Gerber and only Gerber peach baby food. (I honestly feel that I began to love babies because of the Gerber baby picture on all the jars.) Not only did I eat this when I was very young but still eat it on occasion. For freshness and sanitary sake, I now put the cottage cheese in a separate little bowl but eat the baby food right out of the cute, little, smiling baby jar. After all, nobody eats the baby food except for me. My children, when they were growing up did not have the same fondness for Larry as I did.

Lola. Lola is my mother’s best friend. She made a salad (of sorts) that I thought was absolutely delicious when I was a girl and now make it for myself (because no one else will eat it.) I don’t know why but when Lola served Lola everyone seemed to love it. Must have been her charm and charisma.  I made my mother ask for the “recipe” and then made it myself. First, buy a small jar of peas and carrots (go for the brand name, not the generic), drain the juice (or liquid as they say in America), and add mayonnaise (Hellman’s only) to the remaining peas and carrots. Stir. This is Lola and believe it or not Lola saved my life while I was on vacation in Spain because Lola, known as a Russian Salad in Spain, saved me from eating a lot of raw, wiggly fish that I couldn’t stand. In addition I attended a lovely Russian wedding last year and again, we were served a Russian salad that made me squeal with delight when I saw it;  it was, in fact, Lola with hard-boiled eggs. Imagine that. I don’t think Lola knows about Lola. I remember giving an old friend the recipe to make Lola and she burst out laughing uncontrollably when I got to the “drain the juice” part. Apparently she was guffawing because she said “as if anyone else would eat this.” I found that a little insensitive but we are all entitled to our own opinion. For someone whose comfort food was a plain hamburger, I say nothing.

My all time comfort food are soft-boiled eggs (peeled very carefully-this is critcal) in a dish with a teaspoon or more of butter and two slices of toast torn apart and mixed in. All you need to add is a little salt and there it is: ultimate comfort, it really doesn’t get better than that. My back up comfort food is always an American cheese sandwich on bread with butter. Scrambled eggs with Welch’s grape jelly or grape jam (depending on what consistency I want) and another comfort item called banana mush- mush, a dessert item, which is mashed up bananas (use a fork) with sour cream ( now plain fat-free yogurt) with sugar or sugar substitute.

I’ve taken a little survey and some responses to my question “what is your favorite comfort food?” are as follows: a black and white milkshake, brown sugar on bread with butter (rolled like a jelly roll,) buttered Saltine crackers with slices of kosher dill pickles on top, (the originality winner in my book), oatmeal with sugar and cinnamon, Swanson’s chicken à la king (on toast), Campbell’s tomato soup with (Kraft) American cheese and crumbled up Saltines, Yodels (peeled or unpeeled) AND… french fries dipped into an ice cream sundae. The last dish, definitely gets props in terms of combining sweet and salt.  Thanks guys for your help. I’m off to the grocery store now to see if there are new products to buy or to perhaps buy a new comfort food, borrowed from a friend.

In my case, the favorite winter meal was tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.  The tomato soup was Campbell’s, of course, and made with “whole milk.”  (I’m not even sure they had skim milk or 2% milk or the other milk options in those days.)  The soup was served piping hot with lots of crumbled saltine crackers to make it even more fortifying.  The sandwiches were made with Kraft American cheese on Wonder bread that was lightly buttered on the outside then grilled so that the bread was browned and crunchy and the cheese was perfectly melted and oozed when you took your first bite.  The sandwiches were served hot and were cut diagonally, the better to facilitate dipping the sandwich into the steaming soup.  Mom would call it a “nourishing meal.”  I just thought it tasted great.  This was a meal that never disappointed!

Last night we had tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, and the meal is still as good as I remember it.  There were some differences, of course.  We don’t buy “whole milk” anymore, so the soup was made with 2% milk, and I haven’t eaten Wonder Bread in decades, so the sandwiches were made with whole wheat bread.  But the soup was still Campbell’s, and it tasted as rich and warming and creamy as ever.  The toasted and grilled sandwiches still had the satisfying crunch and the melty goodness, and sinking part of the sandwich into the soup and taking a bite still yielded one of the the greatest taste combinations ever.

In my book, this is the definitive winter comfort food meal.

I was rather excited the other day when I spotted Kraft American Cheese (Deli Deluxe) with BACON! I thought I had hit pay dirt…alas, I just hit the lonely road of disappointment.

I made my grilled cheese with such anticipation..I could hardly contain myself. I immediately thought about the time I would save not making bacon for my grilled cheese.  I would be getting bacon flavor from the cheese, no need to cook bacon to go on the grilled cheese alongside tomato or avocado.

When I bit into the sandwich I realized that Kraft had duped me. They simply took the squirt cheese in a can that is bacon amercian cheese flavor and made it into slices, dang.

Don’t get me wrong, I love squirt cheese in a can, even the bacon flavor. But I like it on a ritz cracker, not sandwiched between bread.

I think I will try using the cheese in scrambled eggs this weekend and report back to you. Perhaps in a different context the cheese will be less disappointing.

Is this a sign I should become a master cheese maker? I think so…

And every year on this chocolate, stuffed animal and flower-induced holiday, I usually refer to myself as the person who is as single as a Kraft American piece of cheese. I have never, EVER had a “Valentine” on the actual date , or even a Valentine’s Day “date” for that matter.

But Sunday was different. On Sunday, I had my first ever Valentine’s Day date. And a first date at that.

While I typically write about all of the horrendous dates I go out on, I’d like to dedicate this blog to all of the great guys out there, whether they are married, in a relationship or are single and looking for their other half.

I will call this guy Mr. Nice Guy.

We emailed back and forth and bonded over Secret Agent Spy talk and Ferrero Rocher candies which he calls Golden O’s (you know…like the real “o” thing, but only 5 seconds of chocolate bliss). Anyways…did I mention that he bought me the Rocher Collection?

While I’ve always thought Valentine’s Day was just a fluff way for women to con men into thinking that gifts had to be given on V-Day or else–his gesture of candy, funny cards and green tea (my fav) really made my heart skip.

And the Secret Agent Spy talk? All me. I couldn’t not create a Job Profession Title without being a little sarcastic. And besides everyone loves a secret spy! When has anyone ever said that they didn’t like Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig?

Anyways, our first date consisted of eight continuous hours of video game playing and I loved it! Yep! That’s right. From 8:30 p.m. to 4:30 a.m., we bonded over Nintendo 64′s Super Mario and James Bond’s Golden Eye 007 and Super Nintendo’s Super Mario World, Super Mario 3 and Donkey Kong. 

Plus…I made him my delicious mint chocolate chip cookies–after of course, telling him that it was like having mint chocolate chip sex in your mouth. He liked them. I liked the Golden O’s. What a pair!

Anyways…if I wrote about the entire date and the next-day Monday date that we had…this blog would be really long and I want to get to the point. He really is THE Mr. Nice Guy. And what’s crazy is that being with him, made me realize that having someone like this in your life is what it’s like for all of the happy married couples and people in happy relationships. It finally donned on me that I should expect nothing less.

Although I’m not really sure how Mr. Nice Guy feels about me, if he’s not romantically interested, I hope we’ll at least stay friends…because gals…he’s one of the good guys and it can’t hurt to keep someone like that in your life.