One week before I start my first “real job,” I couldn’t feel any more like an adult.  Then I got a swift kick to the groin by my kindergarten-self.  The CW had a special 90-minute movie entitled “Turtles Forever.”  Now, I had watched the new TMNT cartoons, and although I enjoyed watching them for Turtles’ sake, they were not the Turtles of old.  My turtles, the early 90s incarnation, are THE turtles, and I think most of you would agree with me.

So you can understand why I might have been hesitant to sit and watch this entire movie.  But then it happened.

The movie opened with a classic Turtles entrance- out of the shadows they save the day.  I noticed something unexpected.  The masks that the shadowed turtles were wearing looked oddly familiar… something old.  Turns out I was right.  The old turtles were BACK.  They had warped into an alternate dimension (inhabited by the new turtles of course) and wallah- 2 sets of turtles in one show.

And where there are two sets of turtles, you have to have two sets of Shredders.  It was the Technodrome that warped the turtles, which of course warped Shedder, Krang, Bebop, Rocksteady, and the robotic Foot Soldiers.  IT WAS AWESOME.

This movie did a lot to point out how ridiculous the old turtles were- always worried about pizza, jokes, and generally tomfoolery.  The use of trashcans to take out enemies was a favorite joke in this movie.  However, I think that’s why we all liked them so much.  They were lighthearted and fun, less intent on making sense and being realistic (I mean, it was a show about TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES right?).

The main part of the story is that good ol’ Shed-Head has finally figured out how to destroy the turtles once and for all.  After learning about alternate dimensions and seeing that every dimensions has its own set of turtles (a cool moment where you get to see about 15 different versions of the turtles, including live-action movie turtles), he decides he must warp to Turtle-Prime and destroy Laird and Eastman’s very first comic book versions.  Turtle-Prime Turtles are BAMFs by the way.

Overall, this was a great way to spend my Saturday morning.  It reminded me of all the good times I had with the Heroes on a Half-Shell back in the day, and the story was actually really really good.

As a fantastic tribute to the 25th Anniversary of the Ninja Turtles, this movie definitely gets a Grade: A    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YixMJJzOCoA

So its been over a decade and the turtles are still kicking. As part of their 25th anniversary, Mirage and 4Kids Entertainment, the people behind the 2k3 series have joined forces to bring you “Turtles Forever”. In this direct to DVD movie, the Ninja Turtles from the popular 80’s toon team up with the Ninja Turtles from the 2k3 series in order to stop 2k3’s villain, Krang aka Shedder from destroying the Turtles universe – literally. We get a special treat at the end when the appearance of the original Mirage comic book Turtles make their debut in animation form. Turtles Forever is witty, amusing, and well animated. Its hard to believe after so many years the Turtles are still mean, green, ninja butt kicking machines. All in all, Turtles Forever is – Cowabunga.

Production Art Work.

]]> http://thankyounetflix.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/turtles-forever/ Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:06:21 +0000 Mystery Man http://thankyounetflix.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/turtles-forever/ http://dettaarintedinpenna.se/2009/11/03/kontakt-med-pennleverantor/ Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:30:12 +0000 Kalle Eldebo http://dettaarintedinpenna.se/2009/11/03/kontakt-med-pennleverantor/

Efter mina utskick till olika pennleverantörer så har jag fått in ett antal prisexempel via mail. Standardmailet har sett ut som detta:

Hej
Bic rondo kostar med ditt 1-färgstryck vid
100st Pris  39kr/st
250st Pris 34Kr/st
500st Pris 32kr/st
Priserna inkluderar 1-färgstryck.
Priser + moms och frakt
Mvh Xxxxx Xxxxxxxxx

ETT mail. Ingen mer kontakt.

Nu kanske inte jag är den största kunden, kan man ju tycka. 100-500 pennor. Men samtidigt…

1. Vi är mitt i en lågkonjunktur; något som borde kännas av även hos dessa företag.
2. Jag som kontakter dem är till vardags projektledare på en av Linköpings största arbetsgivare – universitetet

Det måste i rådande situation vara tjänstefel att inte lyfta luren och ringa mig personligen. Hoppas verkligen att ”säljaren” läser detta och tänker efter.

Nu till någon som verkligen kan sälja:

☠ ☠

–>> ..buried for centuries on my X – Drive. I don’t recall the origins of this &where i got it. I only remember something about this being a hidden and suppressed site sprite-set ripped by some inquisitive hacker on some Sonic The Hedgehog game. Look close and you’ll see some very familiar parts of characters. Any further information is appreciated. .. i am clueless.

** Update Courtesy of ‘ The S ‘**

***This image is from the 2mb dump of the Sonic Crackers ROM. There are 2 current dumps: The 1mb version, and the 2mb overdump. The 2 mb overdump had a chip(s) attached to it when it was dumped. This extra data contains half of a prototype ninja turtle game. Which game it is currently hasn’t been discovered. ”

–>> ..in light of Bryan’s kick-arse **”KRANG” paper foldable, and after wrestling with the .PDF file , I got frustrated and just converted it to .JPG form.

But why stop there ?!

In a manic fit i created an image set including the entire ***4kids TMNT Paper-craft collection so you can pit Splinter and the Gang up against the paper-cut tyrant from Dimension-X ( just in case you haven’t made the 4kids paper figs before ).

Also in the set are other printable goodies like the classy ‘Turtle Chase’ game.

In time i will upload more classic print, cut n’ paste fun.

** CHECK the PAPER CRAFT image set Right HERE !! **

The Technodrome. Undoubtedly the most active Ninja Turtles related website and community forums on the internets. I, like many of you, got my start in the TMNT online community there. Where would we be without it? Homeless, in the gutter, clinging to life by a thread? No…probably not…But we love it anyway!

Though we think about and make reference to “the drome” regularly, we very seldom stop to think that it took someone to create said masterpiece. Two someones actually. We recently sat down with Shredder and Krang, admins and creators of the Technodrome, for a little back and fourth. Here is what they had to say!

Thank You for this opportunity guys. First of all, tell us about yourselves. I don’t think too many people out there know much about you personally.

Shredder:
Well, we prefer staying in the background and letting the site be about TMNT and general discussion rather than us personally, but I guess we can share a few details. I think a lot of people know that Krang’s my younger brother in real life and we grew up big fans of the TMNT cartoon.

Krang:
For me, you can tell what some of my hobbies/interests are based on my posts on the forums (video games, wrestling, computers, anime, etc.). I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this or not, but Shredder and I have also been taking karate for over 5 years. Other than that, I work as a software developer where I deal with the same sort of technology that we use on the site (PHP, MySQL, HTML, JavaScript, etc.), so there’s a lot of crossover between the two. I have a Bachelor’s degree in computer science and just recently finished my Master’s degree in web programming.

Shredder:
Krang’s definitely our resident computer guru. We do have a lot of similar interests- aside from karate, I’m also a big video game, wrestling, and anime fan. I also love animals, reading, and writing. As far as work, I’m currently employed at a college. My BA’s in English, though, and I’m considering going back to school at some point and am looking into graduate school options myself.

Why did you start the Technodrome?

Krang:
To be honest, I don’t really remember. I think we were just bored one day and came up with something fun to goof around with. Once we saw that people actually started visiting it, we started putting more effort into it and taking it more seriously.

Shredder:
Yeah, I think Krang pretty much covered it. The site was pretty much just for fun at first, since we both loved the TMNT cartoon. We also thought it would be cool to give a little more attention to the bad guys of the show, since just about all of the other TMNT sites were about the Turtles.

What made you decide to go with the Shredder and Krang online personas? For that matter, what was it about the Technodrome (from the television show) that made you decide to theme your website around it?

Shredder:
Shredder is my favorite character from the cartoon and we always liked the bad guys better as kids. I guess we thought they were funnier and more interesting than the Turtles. My favorite Turtle was always Michaelangelo, though.

Krang:
When I first started watching the cartoon as a kid in 1989, Leonardo was my favorite character, but a short time later I decided that I liked Krang more. He has been my favorite since. The site was originally called Krang and Shredder’s Page, but when we moved to our own domain in 2000, we thought The Technodrome would be a better name.

Shredder:
Yeah, we figured “The Technodrome” sounded better for a site name because it was a specific place.

What are some of your favorite and least favorite things about working on the Technodrome?

Krang:
Least favorite: Dealing with problems between members on the forums.

Favorite: Being able to write or setup software for the site and forums and seeing people use it.

Shredder:
Least favorite: There doesn’t seem to be a lot of interest in the content of the site itself (apart from the forums). I’d like to come up with more ideas for new features and things, but it seems that fansite-type material just isn’t really popular anymore. There are a few things I’m working on that I do want to put up anyway, though.

Favorite: I like reading the forums and working on projects here and there for the site. I’ve been working on a very big “Choose Your Own Adventure” fanfic and enjoy writing things like TMNT Madlibs. Whether there’s a lot of interest or not in the site itself, it still gives me an outlet for stuff like this and I enjoy it.

Is there a particular thread or topic that sticks out in your brains as being the most memorable?

Krang:
I’ve seen some funny threads here and there that stick out, but I can’t think of any right now. There’s also the Nintendo thread, which is one of the longest threads still active.

Shredder:
I enjoy the Original Toon Screencaps and gif threads. My favorite threads for discussion are the pro wrestling and video game threads, though.

Krang:
Yeah, I like those sections, too.

How do you feel about the site lasting as long as it has? And more generally, how do you feel about the TMNT lasting as long as it has?

Krang:
It doesn’t seem like it’s been almost 10 years, so I’m not sure what to say about that. I’m glad we still have people visiting the site, though. For the TMNT, it’s not really that surprising because of how popular the cartoon was.

Shredder:
Yeah, exactly. It’s cool that people are still interested in the TMNT and we’re glad there’s still discussion on our forums!

What are your future plans for the site?

Krang:
Improving the quality of the sections on the site, particularly the multimedia. A lot of it hasn’t been updated since the early 2000s.

Shredder:
Personally, I’ve been trying to participate more on the forums, rather than just reading them. I try to start new threads here and there to stir up interest. I’d also like to regenerate interest in the main site and maybe bring back things like contests.

Some would say that the general attitude among the TMNT fan populace of the Technodrome has taken a recent turn toward consistent negativity in regard to certain aspects of the brand…specifically the future of the turtles. Do you agree? And if so, what are your feelings toward this negativity.

Krang:
I don’t think that attitude is anything specific to our forums. Anywhere on the internet, you’ll have people who are positive and negative, so I don’t think it’s fair to focus only on the negative here when there are plenty of positive posts, too.

Shredder:
Exactly. I wasn’t really aware this was even an issue, to be honest.

Do you still consider yourselves fans?

Shredder:
Yes, but only of original cartoon. I’ve seen all of the live action movies and saw the recent CG film in the theater, but I haven’t really gotten into any other aspects of TMNT much, including the newer cartoon. I do really enjoy finally having the original series on DVD and am looking forward to the next release.

Krang:
Same here. I also liked the anime OVA. Actually, I’m not really a fan of the Turtles themselves outside of the OT, which is why the comics and everything closely based on them have never interested me.

Shredder:
I loved that OVA. I think most people would assume that we love everything Ninja Turtles having a site like this, but it’s really only about the original show for us.

Anything else you’d like to say in closing?

Krang and Shredder:
Thanks for the interview!

Thank YOU for allowing us an opportunity to pick your brains (no pun intended Krang)!
Anything else you’d like to know about this dynamic duo? ASK THEM YOURSELF @ The Technodrome! THE online resource for everything TMNT!

Newly-announced Fall Out Boy tour-mate 50 Cent isn’t the only one on the Believers Never Die Part Deux tour with a brand-spanking new video game. Fall Out Boy Trail is an internet update of the good ole’ computer game favorite, Oregon Trail. The basics are still there; there’s oxen, you have to ford rivers, hunt for food (in this case, the munchies are unfortunately tagged as “McNuggets”), and members of the band gain and lose levels of “happiness” (aka life) through the usual mess of typhoid and tapeworms (and with an update of gaining life through pulling pranks and listening to music).

Fall Out Boy Trail is a pretty entertaining online game, and one that can suck you in quick. With the understanding that the internet is a black hole for short attention spans, the folks behind FOBT have packed the game with a mix of other games. Rather than the straightforward fording the trail, you traverse the tour circuit as Fall Out Boy. There are three levels of play, the hardest being “hardcore.”

At each tour stop, you play a gig through a lo-fi version of Guitar Hero/Adium. The songs are all the big Fall Out Boy hits, and the basic melodies are played through a tinny-sounding keyboard with the 1-5 buttons on the computer keyboard. The play access is a little awkward, as the number keys are quite close together, but it gets the job done and is entertaining in small bursts.

After completing each song, the band “parties” with different stereotypical individuals. This might be the one spot of the game that’s woefully over-the-top in its compliance with mainstream images and concepts of how rock bands interact in a society. Still, bonuses are abound, and if this passes for humor in some circles, so be it.

Other stops on the trail offer more 8-bit versions of popular games. You can shoot zombies while fording a river:

You can fight a monster that looks quite a bit like Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

You can even hang out with Obama in DC:

All and all, Fall Out Boy Trail is a pretty entertaining internet diversion. Sure, the humor may be a little infantile:

And the emo-and-other-subculture stereotypes may play into society’s humorless hands (though who would play this game without taking these jokes with a grain of sand). But, it’s all in good fun… until some member of FOB dies:

… in the game, that is.

After seeing his interviews featured on GGM the other day, Rutger asked us to post up some additional interviews of his (Click the Pictures).

Also, Rutger’s EXTENSIVE TMNT Autograph collection can now be found in the new Collections link section. We will be adding staff and fan collections to that section by request. So by all means, REQUEST!

Im hearing a lot about folks being 80’s babies latel.  Jay-Z I think was the first on wax to speak on it, even though he was born in the 70’s.  I am a real 80’s baby, so when I see people reppin’ 80’s nostalgia, I have to put them to the test.. a lot of times I am dissapointed with the results.. Like If I see you rocking a ‘Ninja Turtles’ tee.. I will run up on you and ask you who this is…

Shredder's Boss

.. If you can’t tell me.. you owe me a Ninja Turtles shirt…

most can’t tell me and don’t remember Shredder’s boss.. but to refresh your memory of how ill this Krangbanger was.. peep this.. 

His voice was sick.. and I stole his laugh and made it mines!

————

Teenage Mutant Goon Critters

I know you all know these characters…

The real GOONS!

Bebop and Rocksteady were the REAL GOONS of this Ninja Turtles ish!.. they got their asses handed to them so much, it makes me wonder why anyone would wanna consider themselves to be a Goon.. or a thug.. damn henchmen!.. Get Like Krang.. BE a boss!

that concludes this PSA

BTW!!! did you know that The Shredder was voiced by James Avery, aka Uncle Phillip Banks from “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air… VIVIAN!!

discuss! drop two pennies!

www.myspace.com/kinganyi

Please take the time to sign the petition below if you miss these delicious treats

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/hostesspuddingpies/signatures-22.html

Contributed by Russell P.

I’ve noticed quite a bit of talking about laser weaponry being used in cartoons where it quite obviously isn’t apt. It’s already been pointed out that G.I. Joe used hand-held laser weaponry in a late 20th century setting. Yet the rest of the Cobra/G.I. Joe armory is more conventional Tanks, boats and jets! The ability to create hand-held laser weapons is more in keeping with a civilisation capable of short-range space travel, and hypersonic Ramjet craft, and even then they’d be specialist weapons and not frontline rifles.

So why are they used? I have a theory that it’s something to do with making shows a little less violent. The guns don’t sound like machine guns, but lasers, which is something much more acceptable (for whatever reason) to the censors. (Star Wars has a U rating, despite people getting killed through out, yet The A-Team (on video) I believe gets a PG, because there are fist fights and real guns)

A really good example of this, is in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or Hero Turtles in the UK- “ninja” was deemed too violent. Yet the Samurai Pizza Cats escaped this rampant Political Correctness, perhaps owing to the honouristic nature of the Samurai in old Edo Dynasty Japan, whereas the Ninja was an Assassin for hire, a reprehensible character in Ancient Japan.) In the very first episode of TMNT, after Rocksteady and Bebop have been mutated into rhino and boar respectively (both traditional “brute” animals) they are given guns by Shredder and Krang and told to smash up the Town to lure the turtles out of hiding.

Aha, Krang is an advanced sentient from another dimension, you say? That would explain why they use laser weapons? Wrong! Rocksteady and Bebop quite clearly use contemporary automatic weapons, despite the fact that Krang could probably supply them with energy weapons! Aside from the sound the guns made, they left bullet holes in the sides of cars and walls, as opposed to “splashing” as cartoon lasers tend to (obviously it is easier to draw the blast evaporating and leaving no damage). A pretty rare thing in cartoons!

In all other episodes of TMNT everybody uses laser weapons (including those gangsters who pop up every now and again, although they may have obtained them via their deal with Shredder).

Machine guns are to closer to real life weapons, and real violence; lasers are a fantasy weapon, and one that can “stun” as opposed to kill. This part becomes clear in Transformers, where in the The Movie, one blast from Galvatron’s gun is enough to disintegrate Starscream at his coronation, yet in subsequent episodes of Transformers, Galvatron’s gun at best can knock someone over and make them a little dazed.

The exact power of the laser gun is flexible, where as if you have guns that correspond to conventional weapons it becomes harder to avoid violence.

All this said, I notice that G.I. Joe, Transformers and other similar cartoons are never hesitant to use missile technology. Many Transformers had missile launchers strapped to their sides (Tracks, Ultra Magnus, Hound, to name but three) and many tanks and planes in G.I Joe had missiles. What tended to happen  would be that the missiles would miss, but the resultant explosion would be enough fling the target to safety, or collapse the entrance to a cave.

The usage of laser weapons fueled the techno-dreams of the 80’s youth and avoided over-violence. It also allowed for colour-coding of fire (orange for Autobot, purple for Decepticon, red for G.I. Joe blue for Cobra and so on) which made things clearer. Even Star Wars did this! (red Rebels, green Imperial, and blue for Ion cannon)

This still happens today in things like the revamped Marvel shows (X-Men, Spiderman, Ironman, etc.). I can’t think of many exceptions to the rule, I think maybe Batman the Animated Series may use conventional guns. The only one I know that did for sure is G-Force (AKA Battle of the Planets) where Galactor’s troopers had machines gun that were always easily dodged by the G-Force team.

So, these are the CLASSIC issues of TMNT that were created primarily by Eastman and/or Laird. You may or may not be surprised by how few isues they actually did, considering how famous they are for it.  The criteria for this list is, “Can I recommend this to other people?”

 
1984 TMNT #1 story and art by Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird
First issue evarrrrrr, so naturally it introduces the TMNT and Splinter, who tells them to go kill this guy Shredder. They fight a bunch of Foot Clan ninja and then fight Shredder on a rooftop. This whole sequence was adapted for the end of the first TMNT movie, but in the comic the Turtles are able to kill shredder without any help from Splinter.

1984 TMNT #2 story and art by Eastman & Laird
Introduces April O’Neil, Baxter Stockman, and the Mousers (never seen again in the comics).  In the comics, April is a computer programmer, not a reporter.  When the Turtles return home to tell Splinter about their adventure with the mousers, they find that he’s been kidnapped omg! The whole “Splinter is missing” thing also made it into the first movie.

1985 TMNT #3 story and art by Eastman and Laird
Introduces jack shit. The Turtles drive around with April looking for splinter until they’re all mistaken for some armed robbers and drive around like wussies instead of killin’ cops!

1985 Raphael #1 story and art by Eastman and Laird
Raph gets antsy and leaves the sewer to search for Splinter. If you’ve seen the first movie, you’ll be familiar with the following sequence: Raph interferes with a dangerous, hockey mask-wearing vigilante named Casey Jones, resulting in a vicious street fight.

1985/1986 TMNT #4, 5, 6, 7 and Fugitoid #1 story and art by Eastman and Laird
Apparently, way back in 1986, some people felt the series jumped the shark at this point.  These issues combine to tell a rather epic story that begins with a run-in with remnants of the Foot Clan, which results in a chance spotting of the building owned by TCRI, the same company whose logo appears on the cannister that mutated the Toitles.  They infiltrate the building and find that it’s filled with Utroms, the alien race that inspired the villain Krang on the kids TV show.  There’s a melee and the Turtles are teleported far, far away.  They meet up with a fugitive robot, the Fugitoid, who possesses valuable information that the Triceraton aliens want.  They’re captured and there’s a really sweet gladiatorial sequence during which the Turtles kill some badasses.  Then they fight their way out, get back to earth, learn that the Utroms are friendly and have Splinter (they rescued him from the Mousers) and all ends well.  Yay.

1985 Michaelangelo #1 story and art by Eastman and Laird
Yay, a Christmas issue!  As an old man, these are the kinds of stories that I really like, as they show the Turtles doing fairly normal things and not just fighting werewolves or aliens or whatever.  Basically, some thieves steal a truck full of the latest must-have Christmas toy.  Michaelangelo chases them down and then delivers the toys to an orphanage.

1986 Donatello #1 story and art by Eastman and Laird
The all-out homage to Jack Kirby.  Donatello discovers that April’s new tenant (she rents out a room, apparently), a dude named Kirby, just HAPPENS to have a magical crystal that he attaches to his pencil that makes his drawings come to life. 

1986 TMNT #8 story and art by Eastman, Laird and Dave Sim
The TMNT team up for the first time, this time with Dave Sim’s Cerebus.  They meet a time lord chick named Renet, go back in time, meet Cerebus, fight a goat guy named Savanti Romero and then end up in April’s shower.  Eventually, Dave Sim informed Mirage that the issue had been reprinted too many times and denied them permission to ever reprint it.  Mirage also offered to produce a Cerebus action figure as part of the TMNT toy line but he said nope!

related posts:

• Mirage Classics Part 2: TMNT Comics by Eastman & Laird 2 of 2
• Mirage Classics Part 3: TMNT comics by Eastman & friends
• Mirage Classics 4: TMNT short story collections
• Mirage Studios Miscellanea Part 1: Non-TMNT Publications

click for all tmnt related posts

Eastman & Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Mirage Studios Volume 1, Issue 7
Story & Art by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird
Bonus story “You Had to Be There” by Kevin Eastman and Richard Corbin
Read it at NinjaTurtles.com

Life Begins at Ooze

Finally, all this space madness gets wrapped up, and wrapped up in a tidy little package of ass-kicking at that. Sweet, soothing action is pretty much all this issue is, with constant man-on-robot-on-dinosaur-on-turtle brawling and a couple of space-beam explosions tossed in for balance.

And … Hm. I was going to start up a plot summary here, but really, that last paragraph tells it all. They’re teleported back home, they fight, they win.

We’re treated to some flashback sequences, which were included, I have to assume, as counterpoint. The fighting seems all the more exciting when paired with this most dull of storytelling devices. First there’s a restatement of what happened to Splinter in issue #3, then we learn where the Krang aliens came from, which leads into a retelling of the TMNT origin story. If you’ll allow me to flash myself back to what I just said there: this issue has three flashbacks, two of which contained no new information. I’m not sure what to make of that.

But the one truly educational flashback does allow us a rare opportunity to compare origin tales. The fundamentals — four baby turtles, goo in sewer, rat with coffee can (I’m not sure why the coffee can is so fundamental, but it’s always included, so it must just be over my head) — have remained constant across all tellings, but peripheral details vary. Today, we shall analyze one of those details: the origin of the goo.

In E&L’s original, as we learn here in issue #7, the goo (more formally known as “ooze”) came to Earth with these Krang aliens when they, drunk on Space Beer, crashed their gigantic fucking spaceship completely undetected somewhere in New York state. The canister was lost about five years later, in transit from the crash site to the newly-established, alien-owned TCRI building. It bounced off the Krangs’ truck when a blind man crossed the street in front of them. Stupid irresponsible blind people.

In the old cartoon, the Shredder borrows what he believes to be a simple poisonous glowing ooze from his buddy, Dimension X’s own Krang, and pours it into the New York sewer home of his arch-rival, Hamato Yoshi. Personally, I think there are easier, and some might say more traditional, ways an evil ninja can kill a sewer hobo. And Shredder grabbed the wrong canister anyway, because the ooze turned Yoshi into a rat-man and turned his pets turtles in turtle-men. Whoopsie.

The second live-action film tantalizingly promises us “The Secret of the Ooze,” and boy does it deliver. I’m not sure how to make a sarcastic emoticon, so you’ll just have to imagine there’s one right here. It probably involves a tilde. So in the SotO version, it turns out that the mutagen isn’t alien at all, but rather an accidentally-produced nuclear waste. It wasn’t a brain creature’s fault at all, it was David Warner’s. It’s a fairly anticlimactic reveal, and as I recall, Donatello felt the same way. There’s a moment in TMNT 2 where he gets all distraught with Splinter, saying that he expected their roots to be something a bit more special that gross corporate negligence. As I recall, that important, existential conflict of his was never resolved. But to be fair, nobody gives a fuck about Donatello.

Nothing much else to say about this issue, but I’d like to address the full-colour bonus story included in my print copy. It’s called “You Had to Be There,” and E&L boast in the issue’s introduction that it’s the first full-colour TMNT story ever. A milestone, and what story do they choose to tell through the power of colour? It boils down to this: Michaelangelo gets drunk and hallucinates.

Seriously. A beer-soaked erotic (of both the hetero- and homo- varieties) dream. But oh, how they used the blues and greens!

Jumper: Hayden Christiansen plays a guy who can teleport. He brings his girlfriend to all sorts of cool places and woos her. Samuel L. Jackson plays a guy who doesn’t want him to teleport. He gets angry and yells things like “Did you think you could teleport without any consequences?!?” That hot girl from that show I never watched is in it (Rachel Bilson). This is the biggest release of the weekend and is already getting some of the worst reviews. It’s playing at the Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.

Diary of the Dead: George A. Romero is back! At at almost 70, he’s still hungry for brains! Having given up on using the time of day at the beginning of the titles (Night, Dawn, Day) Romero made Land of the Dead in 2005 and now is making Diary. While I was hoping this would be a selection of readings from the diary of a sixteen year old zombie (Dear Diary, How do I get boys to like me? Eating their brains def doesn’t work!) it is instead the handy-cam chronicling of the end of days by a group of college filmmakers. While I honestly wasn’t that impressed with Land of the Dead, I’m still making this my pick of the week. This is playing at Village East Cinemas on Second Avenue in Manhattan, where there is a midnight show tonight.

                               Krang is an easy target for zombies.

The Spiderwick Chronicles: This basically looks like a Nickolodeon version of Pan’s Labyrinth, only it doesn’t take place during the Spanish Civil War, and there’s no guy with eyes on his hands. As a side note, I think that old Handy Eyes (I call him Handy Eyes) deserves a spin-off. Like his own sitcom on NBC. Don’t you think? Like Handy Eyes tries to make it in the big city? Or…or…or…as a glove model? His roommate is a jock who gives him a black handy eye every time they high five? Seriously, the possibilities are endless. Anyway, Spiderwick stars the actor from Finding Neverland as a kid who finds a magical world while living at his great uncle’s house. It’s playing at Court Street, Cobble Hill Cinemas and the Pavilion.

He’s Handy Eyes! His eyes are on his hands and it’s awesome! He’s Handy Eyes! On NBC Tonight After an All New Blossom!

Step Up 2 The Streets: In 2006, we were asked to step up. Now, only two years later, we’re being asked to Step Up 2 The Streets. Not “to” the streets, mind you. “2″ the streets. That’s even more hardcore. Who knows what we’ll be stepping up 2 next. Or stepping up 4? The possibilities are frightening. People dance in this movie. I’m assuming it has to do with an underdog who dances against an established dancer? It’s playing at the United Artists on Court Street and the Park Slope Pavilion.

Definitely, Maybe: This is the new romantic comedy with Ryan Reynolds and Abigail Breslin. Due to the rising star power of Little Miss Sunshine’s Abigail Breslin, I’d like to personally offer her the following advice:

Abbs- 

I get it. You’re cute. You’re precocious. You wore thick, oversized glasses and stole America’s heart. And now you’re huge. I’m here to warn you that you’re going to need an even stronger lens prescription because apparently you can’t see the crushing misery that lies ahead.

 Spawn of Krang and Handy Eyes. She got Krang’s size and Handy Eyes’ poor vision.

Cute child stars start to look weird. It’s true. Remember Jonathan Lipnicki? How about your brother Spencer Breslin? His last role was as an elf in The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. Do you know how I know this? Because I, too, was once a star. Let’s just say that I was once considered for the part of “Boy” in an Osh Kosh B’Gosh commercial (yes, that Osh Kosh B’Gosh). And, in 1989, this young, talented red-headed buck placed second place in the Delaware Pinewood Derby. Sure, it was rigged, but that was the game. What came next? A picture on page seventeen of the Delaware Gazette. But that’s where it all went downhill. I lost my mansion and my respect. I even lost my Pinewood Derby trophy.

So beware, because fame and cuteness are fleeting. Your next two movies are Kit Kittredge: An American Girl (which is based on a line of dolls I think) and Nim’s Island, some sort of family adventure flick with Jodie Foster. My advice? Get a part in the next Rob Zombie movie. Or Quentin Tarantino. But that’s just one former star’s opinion. This is playing at the Pavilion.

The Year My Parents Went on Vacation: This was Brazil’s official submission to the Best Foreign Language Film category of the Academy Awards. Despite having not been chosen, it has won acclaim all over Europe as well as several film festival awards. It’s about a young boy from Brazil who is abandoned in a Jewish neighborhood in 1970, which also happens to be when the Brazilian soccer team is in the World Cup. This is playing at the Landmark Sunshine.

Other than these, In Bruges is opening at Cobble Hill Cinemas, and the midnight movie tomorrow at the Landmark Sunshine is Clockwork Orange. Happy Valentine’s Day!