Fasten your seat belts

AKA: COMO AFIAMBRAR UM TIPO DURO COMO UM DINOSSAURO SEM RECORRER A SPIELBERG

Já estou a ver os vossos sorrisos de orelha a orelha. Mas por este título ter a foto de Steven Seagal, nem tudo o que parece é. Executive Decision consegue a proeza de que ao chegar a um quarto do filme, matarem esse colosso da arte da pacadaria. Como e Quem, devem sser as questões que afloram no vosso cérebro. Uma simples falha num F117 foi o suficiente para acabar com este dinossauro. Por isso já sabem, em combate contra Seagal, é mete-lo num F117 e voilá. Bem, a partir dai, o filme melhora. Um terrorista Tchecheno é capturado pelo Stone guy Seagal e a sua companhia de pseudo Força Delta. Em jeito de vingança, o nº2 do terrorista captura um avião e decide fazê-lo cair em Washington D.C. juntamente com uma bomba que traz a bordo. Uma equipa é reunida para parar os objectivos dos terroristas, mas como já vós contei, nem tudo corre bem. Os sobreviventes da equipa tem de levar avante o seu objectivo, perante a ameaça de terroristas, jactos da marinha e ficarem sem pilotos do avião. De Stuart Baird, com Kurt Russell, Steven Seagal, Halle Berry, John Leguizamo, Oliver Platt, Joe Morton, B.D. Wong, Len Cariou, Whip Hubley, Andreas Katsulas, Mary Ellen Trainor, Marla Maples, J.T. Walsh, Ingo Neuhaus, William James Jones e Ropert Apisa.

Foto da Prémiere do ultimo sucesso da Asylum. Os tipos das armas são os realizadores e o tipo da seta é um membro da redação que não cabe em si de felicidade

Vale a pena deixar de ver a bola e a caneca da cerveja a aquecer para ver isto

Last week, as I’m sure you noted, I reviewed Roland Emmerich’s effects-riddled disaster opus 2012. I did not think it was very good. So you might be wondering, “Eric, you myopic jerk, why are you reviewing ANOTHER Emmerich film so close to your first?” Well, trust me, my rapier-witted friend, I have a reason. You see, after combing through the filmography of Mr. Emmerich, or, as I like to call it, the $5 bin at Wal-Mart, I noticed an alarming trend; all of his movies, while not without their merits, pretty much suck. I mean, it’s alarming how much his movies have made considering their poor quality. And while that must really say something about us as a nation that we would all rather go see mindless shit rather than well-told and well-executed films, it also says something about Emmerich’s style.

In an odd way, he’s making movies based on what we want to see rather than a vision or his own ideas. Movies like Independence Day, 2012, and especially The Patriot are, in an aesthetic sense, his critique of American taste. And, based on his box office clout, he has hit the nail on the head with a forklift, which is what he uses to haul all that American money away. It’s a shame that they’re all terrible movies, though, and a real shame that Americans identify with them and roll with it anyway, like a pig being teased with a slice of bacon. Today’s film, Stargate, is probably my favorite example of this strange phenomenon. It’s still not very good, but you can look at it as a surprising indictment of American Imperialism and our rough-and-tumble cowboy attitude and really get a lot more out of it.

So, basically, in the late 20s, archaeologists discover a mysterious stone ring near the pyramids in Giza. It seems to have some sort of purpose, but nobody can understand the meaning of the hieroglyphs. The mystery stays a mystery until a woman named Catherine Langford, daughter of the man who found the ring, figures it all out. It seems to be, believe it or not, a transport that can teleport people across worlds (!!!). The US government steps in and has all of this information classified, working on it in top secret, trying to get this “Stargate” to work. Eventually, they uncover how to do it, and they put together a team to go through the gate, which now has a thin sheet of rippling liquid suspended in the ring. Commander Jack O’Neil leads the group, along with Dr. Daniel Jackson as the brains, Lt. Col. Charles Kawalsky, and some dude played by French Stewart; together, along with some Red-shirts, they bravely enter the Stargate, and are indeed transported to another world. But it’s not one they like very much.

Apparently, the Egyptian god Ra was actually an alien (!!!) who came to Earth thousands of years ago for slaving purposes. He captured and bred Egyptians so they could serve him on his alien world, with the Stargate as the link to new, fresh Earth slaves. O’Neil is flabbergasted by all this, but even more so by the fact that they, in their current state, can’t return to Earth because the coordinates are missing somewhere. So, for the time being, they’re stuck on an alien planet full of hostiles devoted to Ra and a bunch of Egyptian slaves that don’t really speak their language. Great! They’re going to be in for a bumpy ride on this planet, and what at first was a recon mission soon becomes a skin-of-their-teeth plan to both destroy Ra’s evil endeavor and get back home alive!

Whew! Crazy, huh? It’s a pretty out-there concept if you think about it too much. Even crazier is that someone threw $55 million dollars at this nutty idea! But somehow even crazier than that is the philosophy behind it. If you look at it from a certain angle, it closely resembles our relationship with countries overseas and our wars across the globe the past 100 years. From the Spanish American War to the troubles in the Middle East, Stargate does a fair job in emulating what we do in other people’s countries. We topple the current regime without anyone asking us to, leave a whole lot of rubble to clean up, and expect everyone to thank us for all the things we did that they should have done on their own, just like Mr. Jack O’Neil. What are the slaves supposed to do without Ra? They never planned for a life without him, or a body to replace him, so why is toppling him such a good thing when the people doing it aren’t even invested in the fight and have no intention of staying around after the fighting is over? It’s a pointed question I think Emmerich had in the back of his mind while he was making this, and even if he didn’t, he’s somewhat of a savant for making something that’s vaguely political.

Of course, maybe I’m looking into it a little too much, but I think that something’s definitely there. Stargate is a rather dumb, preposterous science fiction movie otherwise, and it helps if you interject your own thought processes into it so it doesn’t drag like an Egyptian ball and chain. With middling effects, an over-wrought cast filled to the brim with soldier and scientist cliches perpetuated by phoning-it-in A-listers Kurt Russell and James Spader (I feel like I slipped into Starship Troopers for a few seconds of this movie), and a whole lot of ear-screeching dialog, it’s pretty much on par with the rest of his work as far as quality and taste. There is some interesting set design and some of the props are shiny and attention-grabbing, to be fair, and Jaye Davidson, who plays Ra (and subsequently the famous Dil from The Crying Game) is a good character actor, but nothing really meritorious about it. It’s a Sci-fi Original with $55 million behind it. Excuse me; Syfy Original. But if you put your thinking caps on and try digging a little deeper on this, you might find that you can stomach it. All things considered, I give Stargate 6 Americans on foreign soil out of 10.

Keep an eye out for my second review later today or tonight! Until then!

John Carpenter está considerado a día de hoy como uno de los mejores directores de terror y suspense. Su estilo se caracteriza por la importancia que da al desarrollo de sus personajes y al componente crítico hacia la sociedad que se desprende en muchas de sus historias por muy desviadas de la realidad que estén. Es el director de la película de culto La Cosa (1982), a día de hoy considerada como una de las mejores películas de terror de la historia. Junto a la actriz Jamie Lee Curtis creó la conocida saga de terror Halloween, una de las más importantes y que inauguró el género slasher. Con otro de sus actores fetiches, Kurt Russell, dio lugar a uno de los personajes más carismáticos de la historia del cine, el anithéroe Serpiente Plissken en las películas 1997: Rescate en Nueva York (1981) y 2001: Rescate en Los Ángeles. Su última gran obra maestra en el género del terror fue En la Boca del Miedo (1994), prueba de que el buen cine de terror puede fascinar también a los adultos. Abordó otros géneros como el policíaco en Asalto a la Comisaría del Distrito 13 (1976), que era una revisión del mítico western Río Bravo de Howard Hawks, y también la comedia en la divertida Golpe en la Pequeña China (1986), de nuevo junto a Kurt Russell, o incluso el drama en Starman (1984). Actualmente, se encuentra trabajando en la post-producción de su nueva película: The Ward.(extraído de su perfil en Imdb)

Big Trouble in Little China, 1986 – Direção: John Carpenter – Elenco:Kurt Russell,Kim Cattrall,Victor Wong.

O filme mais divertido de todos os tempos (nos meus conceitos, claro) é também uma puta aula de como sacanear qualquer um, do mestre John Carpenter. Aqui o destaque e o objetivo central é iludir a todos os espectadores a um ‘nada’ inexistente, mas que exista no mundo de onde a história do filme se passa.

O sobrenatural é proposital e quase em toda cena você encontrará defeitos mais do que gritantes, mas de tão feios fazem qualquer um cair na risada. Primeira sacanagem de Carpenter. Ele traz defeitos de propósito e os joga de um em um minuto na tela só para incrementar as cenas e torná-las mais divertidas, o que ao meu ver é tão genial quanto o filme inteiro em si.

Um dos meus filmes mais nostálgicos (e não está naquele post porque esse merece um comentário só pra si), que também vi de mais na sessão da tarde. Kurt Russel consegue transformar o seu Jack Burton em uma figura tão engraçada, divertida, humana e natural que é eterno até hoje e é o meu personagem preferido de todos os outros filmes que ele fez com Carpenter.

Mas não é só Kurt que foi premiado com um puta personagem não, o filme é divertido em boa parte pela grande penca de personagens geniais que são desenvolvidos (ou não) durante o decorrer. Temos Egg Shen, que é eternizado pelo nosso querido Victor Wong. Temos o próprio vilão, Lo Pan, um dos vilões mais hilários que já vi. Wang, o super herói indestrutível. Gracie Law que cativa qualquer um e muito mais. Dos lutadores ao menor dos figurantes, todos cativam até o máximo que podem.

A história não tem nexo nem uma linha segura pela qual você deve tirar uma base. Ela é apenas uma história porque conta algo, fora isso tudo é ilógico, exagerado e surpreendente. Cada situação me faz rir e divertir. É incrível o poder desse filme de me deixar contente. É só eu olhar pra qualquer cena e já me sinto melhor, acho que vou começar a assisti-lo quando estiver de mau humor. São personagens tão reais e simples que são bonitos e engraçados de serem visto justamente pela auto-identificação que causam ao publico logo de cara. Jack Burton por, só pra citar um, é um caminhoneiro que não sabe lutar e muito menos atirar e não nasceu pra ser herói, e mesmo assim está ali para ajudar seus amigos, o que já é bonito em sua pré-concepção.

Algumas de minhas cenas preferidas dos filmes do Carpenter, e de todo o cinema, acompanham quase quadro. Desde o sequestro até o “é apenas uma questão de reflexos” não paro de pensar o quão genial o filme consegue ser. Cada cena é mais absurda, cada situação pior, cada personagem mais louco que o anterior, cada luta mais exagerada, cada frases mais genial, cada movimento de câmera inventivo e inteligente, cada efeito clássico, cada som eterno, e a trilha de Carpenter aqui forma uma espécie de base de aventura para acompanhar o filme em sua jornada até o fim, uma das trilhas mais geniais de Carpenter.

Jack Burton e seus amigos já estão inseridos no imaginário popular, boa parte disso, pela longa campanha da sessão da tarde e que deixou fãs mais loucos pelo filme do que eu também. E se disserem que o melhor filme de aventura é e sempre será Indiana Jones, não ligue, o que importa é que esse aqui supera Indiana, pelo menos pra mim, e pra você?

5/5

„Einsame Entscheidung“ ist ein Thriller, der insgesamt den gewohnten Strickmustern folgt, aber durch ein paar gute Ideen trotzdem hoch spannend ist und somit weit über dem Durchschnitt liegt.

Der Film beginnt sofort mit einer toll inszenierten Action-Sequenz, in der ein Team von U.S.-Soldaten eine Villa stürmt. Deren Anführer, gespielt von Steven Seagal, wird hier als der typische Action-Held eingeführt. Dieser wird dann natürlich auch mit herangezogen, als es darum geht, ein entführtes Flugzeug aus der Hand von Terroristen zu befreien. Er wird mit seinem Team in Begleitung eines Wissenschaftlers, gespielt von Kurt Russell, losgeschickt, um das Flugzeug vor dessen Landung zu befreien, da sich vermutlich eine Bombe an Bord befindet.

Dieser Einstieg dauert etwa 40 Minuten. Und aus dem darauf folgenden Ereignis zieht der Film seine ganze Spannung: Steven Seagal stirbt nach ca. 45 Minuten des Films und plötzlich steht sein Team ohne Anführer da und der einzige, der wirklich Ahnung hat, ist ein Wissenschaftler ohne Kampferfahrung. Daraufhin beginnt ein unglaublich spannendes Katz-und-Maus-Spiel, in dem die Soldaten und Dr. Grant versuchen müssen, die Terroristen zu identifizieren, ohne entdeckt zu werden. Nebenbei müssen sie auch noch die Bombe finden und entschärfen, da sie bei einer Landung sofort explodieren würde. Durch den Tod von Seagals Charakter traut man den ratlos wirkenden Überlebenden nicht zu, diese Aufgaben zu meistern. Danach folgt der Film allerdings den üblichen Konventionen, ohne dabei langweilig zu werden. Das Ende ist etwas überdreht, aber ansonsten hat der Film eine konstant hohe Spannung.

Neben dem sehr guten Drehbuch-Kniff hat „Einsame Entscheidung“ aber auch noch andere Stärken. Eine davon sind die Schauspieler. Kurt Russell spielt die Rolle des Wissenschaftlers überraschend gut. Man merkt ihm immer seine Unsicherheit an und trotzdem ist die Entwicklung zum Helden glaubwürdig. Auch Halle Berry als kämpferische Stewardess kann überzeugen. Doch auch die restlichen Nebendarsteller, allen voran John Leguizamo, können vollkommen überzeugen. Die Inszenierung ist ebenfalls sehr gelungen. Die Einstellungen entsprechen immer dem Geschehen, es gibt nicht das in modernen Filmen übliche Gewackel und die Schnitte sind ebenfalls sehr gut.

Somit ist „Einsame Entscheidung“ eine sehr gelungene „Stirb Langsam“-Variation, die jedem Fan von guten Thrillern uneingeschränkt zu empfehlen ist.

8/10

“Call me Snake.”

When the President of the United States is stranded in what is now a prisoned New York City, there is no one better to turn to than Snake Plissken. Snake, being sent to prison for life, has a chance for freedom if he agrees to rescue the President. Air Force One has gone down over Manhattan Island, which is now one big prison. The rest of the film are Snake Plissken’s adventures tracking down and rescuing the President.

Kurt Russell (Tombstone, Death Proof, Miracle) does a wonderful job playing Snake. An anti-hero much in the same realm as the Clint Eastwood’s “man with no name” character in the spaghetti westerns. In fact the director turns to spaghetti western film star, Lee Van Cleef (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, High Noon) as Snake’s nemesis who acts as a “warden” for the prison. The film also stars Earnest Borgnine (Best actor Marty), Harry Dean Stanton (Alien), Donald Pleasence (Halloween), and the Chef from South Park…Isaac Hayes.

I can see where Escape from New York may not be for everyone, as it is fairly low-budget, but for me John Carpenter (Halloween, The Fog, The Thing) makes it all work. It is a very entertaining film and has some comedic moments for relief. I would say give this one a chance if you haven’t, it is not that long and is a lot of fun.

"My jab is serious."

INT. – NIGHT

THE BEDROOM

Jon and The Feath are sitting in bed. A heated discussion over positive thinking is in progress. Jon shrugs off such things in a  fit of melancholy. The Feath has heard enough.

THE FEATH: I can’t! Jon…you could be great at so many things. I just…sometimes, I wanna punch you in the face, knock you on your butt and say “Hurts don’t it?” then pick you up and dust you off and go on with our life.*

JON considers this and thinks about a saucy retort. Then actually listens. Then laughs hysterically. The saucy dame had something of a point.

FADE TO BLACK

*”Hurts don’t it?” is from the Kurt Russell tour de force Tombstone, a favorite quoted multiple times a week since we’ve met.

“Soldier” is one of my favorite awful movies, one that I can watch almost any time. But even I can admit it’s a rather ludicrous film, a “Shane” makeover set in a futuristic world filled with genetically modified soldiers and pacifist hippies living on a trash planet.

This was a legendary bomb, but that’s what you get when you produce a script that sat in a drawer for 15 years. Star Kurt Russell speaks a mere 79 words throughout the entire film, but the final seven in this scene are so simple, yet kick-ass.

Tell me that doesn’t get you fired up!

Today I’m going places.  Unless you count walking the dogs and a trip to the supermarket I’m not doing any actual travelling.  Instead I’ve been and will be busy making journeys in the first-class comfort of the sofa.

I kick started my Sunday morning by viewing Escape from New York.  I hadn’t watched it in years and I’m considering adding it to the syllabus for a course I’ll be teaching next term.  This morning’s screening has put that in some doubt though.  In some aspects the film would be useful with its alternative future encodings of worries about rising crime rates, political activism inspired by poverty, bad neighbourhoods and corrupt politicians.  The thing is there are some racial stereotypes in the film that I find very troubling that I would feel compelled to have my students discuss at length.  This would make the film less useful as the type of text that I’m looking for to plug a particular gap in the syllabus.  The film also has one of the worst soundtracks I’ve ever come across.  John Carpenter may be a talented director and screenwriter but as a composer scoring for the cinema screen he sucks.  His electronic noise isn’t even worthy of premium channel pornography.

So, I visited New York this morning courtesy of Messrs Carpenter and Russell.  Next I’m off to London and Paris with my old friend Charles Dickens.  That’s right, I’m going to re-read A Tale of Two Cities.  Since I earned my PhD I’ve been toying with the idea of revisiting this particular novel, but I’ve been reluctant to do so.  It’s my least favourite of all of CD’s works.  This is partly because I actually think that it suffers from its originally being composed and published in weekly rather than monthly numbers.  It’s a great book, don’t get me wrong, but I’m always left feeling that Dickens’s powers were constrained by the decision to publish in shorter, more frequent numbers.

The main reason this is my least favourite of all of CD’s novels actually has nothing to do with the novel itself and everything to do with my being a PhD candidate with a specialism in his works.  In my experience nearly everyone feels that they should have read Dickens and when you tell them that you’re engaged in studying his works they feel compelled to demonstrate their knowledge of his writings.  I understand that not everyone likes his novels as much as I do.  That doesn’t bother me nor am I shocked by the fact that some people don’t like them at all.  Some of my best friends are Dickens detesters.  I even allow them into my home for dinner parties.  People don’t expect or understand this.

Often when I meet someone for the first time in a social situation and I’m asked about my research I see a little glimpse of something like fear when I mention Dickens.  It seems people think I’m going to give them some sort of pop quiz on his minor characters or ask them how they think Edwin Drood would have ended based on the structure and plot of what the novelist completed before he died.  Most people haven’t read anything by Dickens since they were at school and after asking my opinion of the latest BBC adaptation of one of his novels they seem to feel compelled to give me an example of one of their favourite passages from his works.  That’s where the trouble starts.

For every 15 people I talk to who aren’t themselves professional or amateur victorianists 14 and 1/2 give me an earnest look and say something along the lines of “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. . . Don’t you think that’s the greatest opening every written.  I love A Tale of Two Cities.”  Some of them go on to mention that scene from Oliver Twist, many seem to have a very hazy idea of what happens in A Tale and a few have even be unable to remember which book the fantastic opening appears in.  Yes, it’s a great opening, but I don’t think its the best ever written.  It’s not even the best Dickens ever composed.  In my not-so-humble opinion readers should turn to Bleak House if they want the finest Dickensian opening.

I do appreciate that people are trying to make conversation on a subject I’m clearly interested in, but all the parroting of the opening paragraph of A Tale does start to drive me a bit bonkers.  I’m sure experts on other canonical authors such as Shakespeare or Wordsworth must, at times, experience something similar.  I know I’m the one being grumpy and unreasonable and I make sure I smile politely, nod and try to change the subject.  Maybe I should start carrying a copy of Bleak House around to show to people when this situation arises.  For now though I’m going to revisit A Tale of Two Cities and remind myself why I love my least favourite of all Dickens’s novels.

P.S.

This week my Sunday morning song was ‘Kiss at the Station’ off of Malcolm Middleton’s Waxing Gibbous.  Go buy it. . . If you don’t like it you’re not really human.

If you’ve noticed the lack of posting on B&B recently, it’s been due to the fact that I (Bill Bodkin) have been taken away from blogging duties because I just went in for surgery. Nothing huge, but it’s kept me away from the site for the past week and 1/2. I even had to forgo my Halloween plans to make sure all my work was done for my job.

So I felt what better inspiration for a Top 10 post! These films are ones that I feel really can capture the Halloween spirit even if the ground is covered in snow or it’s the middle of a blazing summer.

1. Shaun of the Dead:
Fresh off the critical and cult success of their UK sitcom Spaced, Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright, Nick Frost and Big Talk Productions took a huge gamble and produced this wacky yet serious, romantic yet gory tribute to George Romero films. The film is filled to the brim with brilliant sight gags, witty one-liners, wanky British humor, tongue-in-cheek film references as well as genuine horrifying sequences and a real sense of humanity. This is one you can watch a million times and still find something new and hilarious.

2. Evil Dead Trilogy: Suck on this you primitive screw heads! The brainchild of then first-time director Sam Raimi and executed to acting perfection by Bruce CampbellThe Evil Dead series, is equal parts side-splitting comedy and gruesome, terrifying horror. The first Evil Dead flick is a bloody-as-all-hell horror film that is a good Evil Dead starting point. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn is basically a rehashing of the first film with the Three Stooges-esque comedy ramped up to 11. “Evil Dead 3″ Army of Darkness is a terrific combination of slapstick and action/horror film that is known for its memorable one-liners than anything else. Remember…shop smart…shop S Mart.

3. Sleepy Hollow: Heads will roll indeed! Tim Burton creates a beautiful film that seamlessly combines 50s Hollywood back lot horror with modern CGI technology. Slightly modified from the original story, Johnny Depp played Constable Ichabod Crane, a forward thinking yet timid NY cop sent to the small hamlet of Sleepy Hollow to investigate a series of murders. Burton’s gothic tendencies, Depp’s daft performance and Christopher Walken as the Headless horseman makes this a classic.

4. The Nightmare Before Christmas: Another Burton gem. This is a beautifully crafted stop-motion animated musical comedy that has inspired millions of Hot Topics products. The music of Danny Elfman (who provides the singing voice of Jack the Pumpkin King) and unique vision of director Henry Selick (and Burton of course) make this not only a timeless Halloween classic, but a Christmas one as well.

5. Night Watch/Day Watch: The brainchild of Russian visionary Timmur Bekmambetaov, (known in the states for Wanted), this is a really trippy series of films that has to be watched within the same sitting. The film revolves around Anton Gorodetsky (Konstantin Khabenskiy), a reluctant agent for the forces of good who constantly battles the end of the world, vampires and tons of emotional problems in Russia. The visuals are mind-blowing, I mean see to believe it good and the story-telling, while frustrating at first, come together perfectly in the final act.

There's gonna be HELL to pay: The Hellboy films are just two films you can catch the Halloween spirit with year-round.

6. Hell Boy and Hellboy 2: The Golden Army: Hellboy’s success can be attributed to the brilliant mind of director Guillermo del Toro as well as the brilliant performance by Ron Perlman. The fantastical adventures of Hellboy and his buddies is a visual buffet filled only with the sweetest treats. The comedy is very high especially in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army where a drunk Hellboy and Abe Sapien belt out Barry Manilow’s “Cant Smile Without You.”

7. Pan’s Labyrinth: The masterpiece of Guillermo del Toro. He is able to tell concurrent stories of a fantasy world and World War II Spain, with the same attention to detail. The film’s creature effects are what’d you’d expect from the fantastical touch of the jolly director, but the drama and the phenomenal finale are what makes the film that damn good.

8. Big Trouble in Little China: Jump on the Porkchop Express with good ol’ Jack Burton (the amazingly underrated Kurt Russell) as he and his friends go into the mystical depths of the Chinese underworld. Helmed by John Carpenter, the film has a lot of strong fantasy and martial arts elements, but it’s Russell’s faux-John Wayne performance that makes this a truly enjoyable film.

9. From Dusk Til Dawn: Not many people dig this film, but it’s still a fun film. Take the snappy dialogue of any Quentin Tarantino film and combine it with the rock ‘n’ roll violence of a Robert Rodriguez film, add a dash of pre-awesome George Clooney with a whole mess of blood, guts and go-go dancers and you’ve got yourself a damn fine horror film.

10. John Carpenter’s Vampire 2: Los Muertos: Oh my sweet Lord…Jon Bon Jovi as a vampire hunter named Derek Bliss? Yes, this actually did happen! This made for DVD sequel (from the late 90s flick with James Woods) features Jon Bon Jovi kicking vampire ass in Mexico. Along for the ride is Darius Mcrary AKA EDDIE WINSLOW from Family Matters and indie film darling Diego Luna of Y Tu Mama Tambien and Milk fame.

This is a list I’ve truly been prepping for, for about a year now. About a year ago I had only seen a couple westerns that I had actually enjoyed (a few of those made this list), and I realized as a lover of movies I have not seen nearly enough westerns. So, I filled my netflix queue and got to watching and enjoying. I realized two things while watching the many westerns I did.

First of all, I’m quite sorry to say and I know many won’t agree with this statement and might even just X out of this page as soon as they read it, but an opinion’s an opinion and I’m not gonna lie to agree with society. I found John Wayne to be overrated. I’m just not a fan. I liked a few of his movies, such as The Searchers and True Grit, and my favorite would probably have to be The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, but that didn’t even make the list. It probably would be 11 or 12 though if I were to add on to this list.

Secondly, and much more importantly, I realized that Western genre is one of my favorites and this list list would be harder to make than I thought. I was very right. Through watching this dying genre I found not only fantastic westerns, but also some of the greatest movies I’ve seen of all time. Well, I’ve been waiting to do this for a very long time now. Here are my top ten favorite westerns of all time.

10. The Outlaw Josey Wales

Some of Eastwood’s best all around work in both acting and directing really shine in this film. There was only one other Clint Eastwood directed movie that was able to surpass this one and its listed later on this list. The story is a surprisingly  heart felt one and its told to near perfection.

9. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

This is the newest western to be placed on this list and in my eyes this movie is a breath of fresh air because it showed that great westerns can still be made today. Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck are phenomenal. A brilliant cast and script was combined to tell the very true and quite epic tale of the assassination of one of the most famous western outlaws there ever was.

8. The Magnificent Seven

There’s not much you can really say about The Magnificent Seven except that you have to let the movie speak for itself. Needless to say, the cast is stupendous and there are many great scenes. Most importantly though, There’s not much that compares with the camaraderie you feel with each character when that theme music comes on.

7. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

At the heart of this classic lies what may be the most iconic duo of all time. Paul Newman and Robert Redford play so impeccably well off each other that every scene is made real and memorable. The timing of every witty crack is absolutely perfect, the action sequences are highly entertaining, while sticking to realism and the finale is breathtaking.

6. Tombstone

Tombstone is a fantastic film that just barely misses my top five. Tombstone is the greatest telling of the now classic tale of Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday. There are many memorable parts, from the classic OK coral shoot-out, to Holiday’s tricks with a tea cup in a bar. There’s something for everyone in this flick because even if you don’t find solace in the fantastic scenes, you will certainly find enjoyment out of Val Kilmer’s masterful performance as Doc Holiday.

5. For A Few More Dollars

For A Few Dollars More is a fascinating character study of bounty hunters in the old west. It’s the second film in Sergio Leone’s Man With No Name Trilogy, but as with every movie in the Dollars trilogy, it stands alone as its own fantastic story. Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef make for a very interesting and entertaining pair in the old west. Leone builds tension, keeps you guessing, and in the end he most certainly does not disappoint.

4. The Proposition

The Proposition is another western that is relatively new. It was made only four years ago and I believe it is one of the greatest westerns of all time, only surpassed by some of the greatest movies I’ve ever seen. The plot of The Proposition is genuinely simple, yet superbly poetic. In the Australian Outback, a man is hired to kill his older brother in order to save his younger one from the noose. It’s the most brutal western I’ve seen and it never lets up till its pitch-perfect ending.

3. Once Upon a Time in the West

By far the greatest title for a western I’ve ever seen, if not just the greatest title for a movie. I mean, what can possibly indicate better that you’re about to watch an epic masterpiece than a title like that. Anyways, besides a great title Sergio Leone’s complex, gritty, western tale of revenge and mayhem is so amazing that it was hard to even put it at three. I’m going to say this right now, Sergio Leone builds tension better than Hitchcock does. Every single scene from the (waiting for the train) opening to the final showdown, your always on edge. I’d also like to say that Ennio Morricone is probably the greatest film composer in history. Westerns almost always have fantastic scores, but this is my favorite of any western score. Last, but certainly not least I have to mention Henry Fonda’s flawless performance as the ruthless western gunslinger Frank, certainly out of character for him and in my opinion; his best work.

2. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Most commonly called the classic western and for good reason. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is nothing and I repeat nothing short of a masterpiece. If I’m not mistaken I think the Man With No Name trilogy is the only trilogy that truly gets greater with each film. Leone’s skill for building tension, which has attempted, but never matched, was never greater than in every single, intricately plotted, scene of this movie.

What Sergio Leone, Clint Eastwood (Blondie-The Good) , Lee Van Cleef (Angel Eyes-The Bad) and Eli Wallach (Tuco- The Ugly) have given us is masterful look at the west and adventures, and subsequent stories it inspired. A story full of depth and characters, whether that be the good guys, the bad guys, and the ones in between. A timeless epic that savors my hunger for excellence with each passing scene eventually leading to what is probably the most iconic and greatest western showdown/ending ever put on screen. And for this, from the bottom of my heart, I thank them.

1. Unforgiven

As I said in the past, this was a difficult list to make, but there is not a doubt in my mind when it comes to number one. Clint Eastwood starred in many classic westerns including Sergio Leone’s classic Man With No Name Trilogy. Than he directed some of his own great westerns. His knowledge on the genre grew over years of experience and he than gave us the greatest western of all time. Unforgiven is western that was able to do what no other western was able to do. It showed us what the west really. Unforgiven showed us that a ruthless killer could fall off his horse or miss a shot.

Unforgiven shows the realistic West where no one could really be considered the good guy, not even the guy your rooting for (William Munny- Clint Eastood in an Oscar nominated performance) ,  and especially not the sheriff (Little Bill Dagget- Gene Hackman in an Oscar winning performance). Unforgiven was a masterful look into a world we’ve never seen. We thought we had, but we realize that was all just fantasy. Unforgiven mixes dark realism with the  fantasy Western genre. Add brilliant acting and characters, fantastic writing and direction and the result is not only the greatest western of all time, but one of the greatest movies ever made. A true masterpiece of our time worthy of recognition and praise.

This is not Bruce Jenner during his face lift.

For those of you born before this date in 1980, you may not know Kurt Russell.  Maybe you’ve seen him in shitty re-runs of Executive Decision, 3,000 Miles to Graceland or Death Proof.  Or caught Escape from L.A. on Showtime and thought, well, that’s an interesting concept.

If you don’t know, allow me to educate:  Kurt Russell was the FUCKING MAN for a decade.  Escape from New York.  Big Trouble in Little China.  Tango & Cash.  Backdraft.  Tombstone (You tell ‘em I’M coming… and hell’s coming with me). In the diluted and highly over-rated Arnold and Sly action era, Russell offered a tongue-in-cheek alternative in the on-screen ass-kicking business.  His work, particularly in Little China, paved the way for the Bruce Campbell horror-comedy genre.  If you don’t know Bruce Campbell, just leave now.

I left out one important contribution.  Arguably Russell’s best work, as well as that of his director, John Carpenter.  The single-most terrifying movie of its time, and a film that’s aged far better than anything produced before the turn of the century:  The Thing.

If you’re 30, chances are you’ve seen The Thing.  And you probably remember almost pissing your pants the first time you saw it.  The Thing is a masterpiece of story-telling, set design, special effects, pacing and character acting, not only by Russell, but his counterparts who played the last survivors of a doomed scientific and military outpost in the Antarctic.

As I lay dying of H1N1 this weekend (and missing one of my favorite holidays of the year), most of the broadcast, cable and movie channels were running horror movie marathons.  Some great DVR material was on repeat for 24 hours:  Halloween (another Carpenter masterpiece), Friday the 13th, Hellraiser, Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, The Omen, The Exorcist, A Nightmare on Elm Street and a plethora of Romero’s cult classics.

But amidst these epic contributions, I was forced to rent The Thing over iTunes.  For shame, network television, for shame.

If you’re burnt on the over-produced, over-hyped, gore-drenched remakes being pumped out by the Rob Zombies of the world, treat yourself to a night with The Thing.  And when you realize you’re a Russell or Carpenter fan, check out Little China, The Fog or Christine.

As any self-respecting cine-geek knows, John Carpenter’s 1986 BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA remains his most purely entertaining film, a visionary melding of 70’s martial arts films and 80’s spfx spectacle with an iconic, audacious tongue in cheek Kurt Russell performance. For a more detailed examination of this cult classic here’s a snippet from my Retro-View on the film:

Of course, only Kurt Russell could have pulled off Jack Burton, a bigmouth trucker coming to the reluctant aid of his friend Wang Chi after his fiancee is kidnapped by mystical demons. Russell is never afraid to appear weak or stupid as Burton, a courageous thespic choice even though we know the guy can kick-ass.  Speaking in a John Wayne tone, Burton isn’t as tough as he wishes, but he’s also fearless; his slow evolution from braggart to bravado is one of the pleasures of the film. However, the film’s actual hero is his partner, played with the perfect mix of idealism and wisdom by Dennis Dun. His character embodies a civic cultural pride but he can trade smart-assisms with Jack and string him along to help. Plus he knows kung-fu. Dun’s speech to Russell about the secret history of Chinese magic is a nifty evocative moment. They make a terrific team and I particularly dig their look of mutual shock as the Three Storms arrive on lightning bolts in the alley. In fact, Russell has a panopoly of convincing “what the fuck” reactions to the Chinatown chaos.

Well pardner, the New Beverly is presenting everybody’s favorite loudmouth reluctant hero and his colorful cast of kung-fu characters this Sunday, Monday and Tuesday on a fantastic 80’s Carpenter double-bill with THEY LIVE (1988), his subversive sci-fi satire on aliens colonizing us through consumerism. I’m assuming the prints will be up to the New Bev’s usual high standards amid their plush new seats and it will be a cinematic treat to watch two of John Carpenter’s best films with an ass-kicking crowd. OBEY.

What did you think of that? Would Kurt have made a good Han?

‘Tis the season! With the end of the decade and Halloween approaching, now’s the best time to torture your soul with the best horror this decade has to offer. Now, please, forgive me. The horror genre, like everything else, is getting blurrier. It’s hard to tell just what exactly is a horror film these days. I attempted to honor the genre, while keeping a clear opinion of what the best are. Enjoy!

10. 30 Days of Night

It was either this or Zombieland. A) You already know and love Zombieland. B) This is a comic site! I have to mention the adaptations when I can. 30 Days of Night could’ve easily been mediocre. An essential part of the book’s success was Templesmith’s art. Having said that, this movie looks pretty damn good. Snow always feels epic. 30 Days of Night is well-acted and well-made. It manages to naturally stretch Niles’ novel, making it, in some ways, better. To those of you who vomit at the sight of sparkly, beautiful teenage vampires, watch 30 Days of Night. These are just about the ugliest vampires ever filmed, and that’s a good thing.

9. Land of the Dead

I would’ve loved to re-watch this one, but I figure I have to get this out before Halloween. Romero’s return wasn’t as earth-shattering as we may have liked, but there’s plenty of merit here. For one thing, Land of the Dead looks great and features actors who can actually act. For another, Romero still manages to scare us with creatures who aren’t all that scary, providing uniquely gory deaths for his decent actors. And what would a Romero Dead flick be without some social commentary? With “Fiddler’s Green,” he managed to capture both the atmosphere of rich nations, who live in luxury while many still live in hell-holes, and of a post-post 9/11 world. While we sit comfortably, discussing American Idol, the evil is still lurking, and, perhaps, evolving.

8. The Mist

Ok, it’s kind of a zombie movie with bugs, but that’s different, right? In fact, thanks to the titular mist, the creatures can be grand and epic, without looking too cheesy. We’ve got some great actors here: Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Toby Jones. They help elevate the material. Frank Darabont, the director of The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, completes his King trilogy, and it’s a lot of gruesome fun. This being a comic site, I have to mention Darabont’s Walking Dead TV involvement. If you want to see if he’s right for that adaptation, this movie will give you a clue.

7. 28 Days Later

Again, I would’ve loved to re-watch this. I even rented it, and I will watch it, but I’m a slave to this post. Danny Boyle was a good director before Slumdog Millionaire. I swear he was, and this film is part of the proof. I mentioned in my introduction how the horror genre has gotten blurry. Indeed, this film helped start that, with many rabid fans crying, “These aren’t zombies!” Well, whatever they are, they’re scary as hell. 28 Days Later has many impressive, grim shots of a destroyed London. It has great performances from the then-newcomer Cillian Murphy and the always-fantastic Brendan Gleeson. This may have helped splinter the zombie genre, but at least it’s pretty damn good.

6. Shaun of the Dead

This movie hammered home what George Romero has known since the 70’s: zombies are hilarious! They’re such boring monsters. In this film, we can barely tell them apart from the boring humans, maybe that’s just because they’re British. Shaun of the Dead is hilarious, but it also manages to touch upon the important elements of zombie movies, such as banding together, social commentary, and that wonderful gore.

5. Drag Me to Hell

I don’t want to oversell this, but Drag Me to Hell is arguably Raimi’s best film. We’re back to Evil Dead 2, with the perfect mixture of terror and comedy. Christine isn’t as lovable as Ash. She’s not really meant to be. However, Alison Lohman is a perfect horror heroine. She has the innocent looks and a wonderful scream. Amongst the laughs and gasps, this movie teaches us some very valuable lessons. Never deny an old gypsy! And never dig up a body in the worst storm of the decade!

4. Grindhouse

Yeah, it’s one film, damn it. Funny thing about this being on a “best” list, it’s trying so hard to be bad. That said, this is probably the most enjoyable pick on my list. Ok, so Deathproof isn’t much of a horror film, even though hot girls are getting hunted and slaughtered by a badass Kurt Russell, but Planet Terror is horror all the way, in the vein of a Carpenter flick. You’ve got the babes. You’ve got the gore. You’ve even got the great actors, like Bruce Willis! And if you’re not at least a little scared of testicle harvesting, I don’t know what to tell ya.

3. American Psycho

Finally, a slasher movie where the murders don’t matter, even within the context of the film! Bateman’s murders are an expression of his boredom and vanity. Mary Harron took this material and made it an exploration of male insanity, rather than just Bateman’s. You’ve all seen these guys. They’re on Wall Street. They’re trying to sell you something. They might even be firing you. American Psycho documents masculine squabbles in deliciously, horrific detail. Perhaps, most chilling of all, the film asks, “What if these assholes really are killing, and, with wealth & power, their mess is wiped clean?”

2. Antichrist

I was mugged by God. That was my initial reaction to this film. True of almost every great film, on the first viewing, we’re not really sure what we’ve seen. This movie’s depth is so endless, it threatens to swallow you whole, taunting you to disregard it as Eurotrash. What I am sure of is the bravery of Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsburg, who follow Trier’s insanity to the end. Trier is a madman, as most great directors are, and his images, no matter how shattering to our senses, are fully realized here.

1. Sweeney Todd

The bloodiest musical, Burton’s possible best, and indeed, the greatest horror film of the decade. Burton stays faithful to the original tale, as well as Sondheim’s music. Depp and Carter are dressed like 30’s horror stars, paying homage to both the genre and the original film. I never felt Sondheim’s music should be gloriously sung, no matter how talented Angela Lansbury is. These songs are sad and personal, and though Burton’s cast aren’t singers, they are actors, and they deliver their tunes in the best possible way. You won’t find any prancing or choreography here. Sweeney Todd is a dark, terrifying tragedy that will slash its way into your nightmares as efficiently as Mr. Todd’s razors.

For more comic goodness, go here.

Well.

Yesterday I began a list of my personal favorite Westerns of all time. Today, I return to finish the job – once and for all.

First, though, a quick recap. Here’s the first four entries on the list, numbered seven to four:

7. Young Guns.

The Brat Pack takes on the legend of Billy the Kid. Emilio Estevez is somehow believable as a murdering sociopath. Kiefer Sutherland continues to be awesome.

6. Silverado.

Kevin Kline and Kevin Costner team up to stop corrupt Brian Dennehy and creepy Jeff Goldblum.

Awesome.

5. Tombstone.

Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer steamroll through some of the most cringe-worthy moments in film history, seemingly through sheer force of awesomeness alone. Michael Biehn is also on hand, once again forcing us all to collectively ask: “What the hell ever happened to Michael Biehn?”

4. Unforgiven.

Clint Eastwood frowns and scowls his way towards redemption and a scheming Gene Hackman, with Morgan Freeman caught somewhere in the middle. Saul Rubinek and Richard Harris are also there for some reason.

And now…THE FINAL THREE.

Three: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. (2007)

This is the newest entry on the list, so I’m not sure if it’s properly reached “classic” status yet.

But give it time, friends – it will.

“The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” was quite possibly my favorite movie of 2007. Very few people saw it. Even less seemed to like it. But I maintain that it is one of the most beautifully epic and gorgeously shot films I have ever witnessed. The movie is true artwork – every detail is carefully crafted for maximum impact. From the cinematography, to the sparse dialogue, to the acting, to the score by indie hero Nick Cave, everything is note perfect.

It’s certainly not a feel good movie, like some other, younger, gunnier films, but that’s okay. It’s not meant to be. While Jesse James certainly had his boyish fun side, his movie isn’t about him. It’s one of the few Jesse James movies out there, I’m sure, that he isn’t the main focus of.

This movie is about Robert Ford.

It’s about Ford, that “dirty little coward, who shot Mr. Howard,” and his tumultuous, sometimes bizarre relationship with James. Ford idolized James, even loved him – but not in a weird way. Just in the way that he wanted to be Jesse James.

Which, I guess is a little weird.

(But, c’mon…who wouldn’t want to be Jesse James?!?)

Casey Affleck plays Ford as a man who seems to be constantly on the verge of a complete meltdown. He has no real personality, no identity. In his mind’s eye, he IS James, or at the very least, James’ partner in crime. Unfortunately, Jesse James doesn’t really see it that way.

Now, I usually hear the same two complaints about this movie. For one, it’s too long. Well, deal with it. This is a grown-up movie for grown-ups. If you can’t sit and watch a movie for three hours without squirming or getting fussy, than too bad. This movie’s not for you. It’s long, yes, but that only adds to the build up. And I’ve never found it slow, either. Leisurely, sure. It takes it’s time to revel in the world it’s created, and the characters who inhabit it. And what interesting characters they are.

The second complaint is that, like “Titanic”, you already know the ending. All right, sure. It’s in the damn title, for Christ’s sake. But again, the movie isn’t about the murder of James…it’s about the journey leading up to the assassination. It wants to examine this frustrating relationship between two vastly different men, one an idol, the other the worshiper, that culminates in murder. The interesting part isn’t that Robert Ford shot Jesse James in the back of the head. The interesting part is why Robert Ford shot Jesse James in the back of the head. And in the movie, when James realizes his defeat, and gives up to dust off that picture, it’s beautiful, sad and heartbreaking – for both men.

Give it another look. The acting is superb all around, with Affleck at the head of the pack, and excellent supporting performances from Pitt and the always dependable Sam Rockwell. And, in a transparent attempt to make me love this movie even more, the lovely Zooey Deschanel also shows up, briefly, near the end.

So it’s also got that going for it. Which is nice.

Two: The Searchers. (1956)

Racism, family, and John Wayne all collide in this epic masterpiece by that master of epic masterpieces, John Ford.

Wayne, a staple of Westerns, stars as Ethan Edwards, a man searching for his lost nieces after they are abducted by Native Americans. Edwards, racist against the Natives even before they destroy his family, sets out to find the girls at any cost.

That cost, as we soon find out, is exorbitantly higher than the audience may initially think; Ethan’s hatred for the Comanche is so severe, that he would rather see his nieces dead then in Native hands. If he can’t save them from death, than at least he can try to save them from the tribe.

The film attempts to examine racism in the Old West, showcasing Ethan’s hatred for the “red man” against the Comanche chief’s racism against the “white man”. Both are extreme in their racism to the point of madness – the chief, Scar, will continue to kill and scalp white men, with no end in sight, in retaliation for his two son’s murders, and Ethan will willfully murder his own niece, rather than see her marry a Comanche.

It’s a dark, dense tale, that is uncommon even now – let alone in the 1950’s, when it was a given that all cowboys were good, all Indians savages.

Wayne is amazing as Edwards. Defiant, aggressive and stubborn, his character grows throughout the film, but only really finds redemption after being pushed to the brink – he only truly becomes human after giving up his own humanity.

It’s a great film – a social message beautifully shot and well acted. Certainly one of Ford’s best, which means it truly must stand tall in the genre. Highly recommended, this is one of the best in the genre.

One: High Noon. (1952)

The only thing more epically, badassingly awesome than the movie “High Noon,” is Gary Cooper, who stars in the movie “High Noon.”

This is number one is right here, folks. And it is awesome.

“High Noon” is a ridiculously awesome movie with a ridiculously awesome concept. Cooper plays Will Kane, the sheriff of a small town, now happily married and planning to retire. Then some dude Kane put away years ago vows revenge on Kane, heads back into town, grabs himself a posse, and wages war on our intrepid lawman.

No problem, right? Just round up some deputies, take these dudes by force, scrub up your badge for the next guy, and high-tail it outta town on the next stagecoach for a weekend honeymoon retreat with your wife at some five-star saloon or something.

WRONG.

The townspeople may admire Kane, but they sure as hell don’t want to step into his shoes. Frank Miller (Ian MacDonald) is one badass dude, and they want nothing to do with him. They suggest the same to Kane. Leave town. Forget Miller. Move on.

But Kane knows better. You deal with bullies by facing them down, not running away. Otherwise, they will hunt you down and haunt you for the rest of your life. So he stays in town. He pins that badge on his vest, and he throws down against Frank Miller and his gang, with no help from anyone but himself. Will Kane vs. THE WORLD. And in REAL TIME.

It’s a great movie that showcases the struggles of doing the right thing vs. doing the easy thing. It presents this argument mostly through dialogue, and characters action prior to the finale – and, in fact, the finale is the only place where any violence or action at all take place. Not your typical Western – especially Back In The Day.

Check it out to find out why I consider it to be the best Western ever made (personally speaking, of course.)

And you’ll also find out why Gary Cooper’s Will Kane is the greatest Western hero of all time.

Well.

That is the list as I see it. I’m sure there will be future lists down the road, but for now…I’m all listed out.

Oh, what the hell. Here’s the honorable mentions list. Check these out too, for a better representation of the genre as a whole:

The Magnificent Seven. (1960)

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. (1969)

Shane.(1953)

Rio Bravo. (1959)

The Wild Bunch. (1969)

Stagecoach. (1939)

Dances with Wolves. (1990)

And yes. I am fully aware that EVERY movie on THIS list is better than “Young Guns.”

REGULATORS!

MOUNT UP!

Well.

So, the baseball season is all but officially over for me. Sour grapes? Maybe. And what do you do with sour grapes?

You make sour wine, get drunk, and bitch about the Yankees some more.

But I’m not that petty. Instead, I’m going to do a 360 here and talk about movies for a change. Specifically, Western movies. Yesterday was the 128th anniversary of the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, and since I excel at arbitrary reasons for writing posts, I’m gonna run with that. It may be a throwaway reason for a post, and one that would have been considerably less throwaway had I posted this on the day of the event in question, but what the hell. I’m here now, and we are ROCKIN’ THIS.

So, without further ado, here is a list of the Seven Best Westerns Of All Time as chosen by me, the Lu Galasso. Why seven, you no doubt ask? Well, ten is to common, and five isn’t enough so…seven. Also, it was Mickey Mantle’s number, so I’m at least attempting to tie this into baseball.

I should also blatantly state that this is a list of personal preferences and not necessarily the be-all-end-all classics of the genre. I feel the need to add this disclaimer, because things are gonna get a bit wacky, and there’s going to be moderate dissention as to the nature of my choices. And on that note, I begin this list with the wackiest and sure to be most argued member of this list – a movie so far removed from traditional “classic” status, that many would no doubt question it’s merits as a “competent” film, let alone a defining entry in the Western genre.

Seven: Young Guns. (1988)

That’s right. This is happening. “Young Guns” made the cut.

I swear to god it gets better from here.

Here’s the deal about “Young Guns.” It takes the legendary life of Billy the Kidd, removes 95% of the historical facts and accuracy that have been collected over the years, and then casts the Brat Pack as his merry band of ne’er-do-wells.

Awesome.

This may well be the last time, or perhaps the first time, Emilio Estevez, Lou Diamond Phillips, Casey Siemaszko, and to a lesser extent, Charlie Sheen, have ever been this badassingly awesome. Throw in Jack Palance as a deliciously over-the-top Irish land baron (for some damn reason), and you got the makings of a Western staple.

Or, at least, you got the makings of an almost textbook example of how NOT to make a Western.

And Kiefer Sutherland always has and always will be awesome, so it’s got that going for it too.

Six: Silverado. (1985)

What better way to follow the ridiculous over-the-top Brat Packery of “Young Guns”, than with the ridiculously, over-the-top Kevin Klinery of “Silverado.”

So here’s the setup: take Kevin Kline, Scott Glenn, Danny Glover, and a shockingly young and enthusiastic Kevin Costner, pit them against Brian Dennehy, Ray Baker, and a young and creepy Jeff Goldblum, throw in some needless and ineffectual sentimentality provided by Linda Hunt as a down-trodden saloon keeper and Joe Seneca as Danny Glover’s down-trodden farmer dad, and cap it off with some Sheriff John Cleese (?) and the always reliable Jeff Fahey, and you got yourself “Silverado.”

Sound bizarre? It is.

Kline and Dennehy are great as ex-friends who reunite in the movie’s titular town – one as a “good” outlaw, the other a corrupt town official. (See what they did there?)

But it’s Costner, surprisingly, who gives the movie its heart. His turn as up-and-coming gunslinger Jake, teeming with boundless energy and real joy and excitement at what he does, is fairly unique in his career, and a lot of fun to watch.

And, hey, it’s even got Jeff Goldblum as a suave, knife-throwing villain. What’s not to love?!?

Five: Tombstone. (1993)

“Tombstone” is a strange beast. On the one hand, it’s one of my all time favorite films. On the other hand, it remains one of the most frustratingly flawed movies I have ever seen, Western or otherwise. Still, on the strength of its stellar cast, it’s stunningly accurate depiction of the famous Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, as well as Wyatt Earp’s vendetta ride against the sinister Cowboys, and it’s sheer enthusiasm, I think it remains a strong entry in the Western genre.

Yeah, it’s flawed. The romantic subplot is cheesy and tacked on, and there are way too many wannabe-epic-moments that come off as ridiculously over-the-top and forced. (Earp’s slow motion assault on Cowboy Curly Bill Broscius whilst shouting “no!” repeatedly screams to mind.)

The cast IS excellent, though. Kurt Russell remains my favorite portrayer of Wyatt Earp, ever. He’s stoically awesome throughout the picture, and let’s face it – Kurt Russell is like the face of awesome.

Sam Elliot and Bill Paxton are great as Wyatt’s brothers, Virgil and Morgan, and Michael Biehn is wonderfully disturbing as the psychotic gunslinger Johnny Ringo.

But it is of course Val Kilmer, in his career defining role as the alcoholic ex-dentist Doc Holliday that steals the show. Kilmer’s performance ranks as, bar-none, the BEST portrayal of Wyatt Earp’s best friend ever put to screen. The fact that a character as bizarre as Holliday existed to begin with (alcoholic-doctor-cum-gunslinger, steadfast in the face of danger because – the hell with it – he’s dying anyway) is awesome in its own right. But Kilmer manages to inject him with just the right amount of happy-go-lucky charm, cynicism, and yes, even sadness, to make him come alive on-screen like never before. And his unwavering loyalty to Wyatt is epic in its own right as well; when asked by a fellow vendetta rider why he’s fighting alongside Earp when he should be at home resting (or dying), Doc replies curtly that “Wyatt Earp is my friend”, and the scene suddenly becomes poignant when the fellow asking the question, along with the audience, realizes that that’s the only friend he’s got.

Flawed? Sure. But it has enough going for it to make it a perennial favorite of mine…and to give it a spot on this list.

Four: Unforgiven. (1992)

Heading into darker territory, now. Circle the wagons!

“Unforgiven” is a dark, disturbed film, where the good guys and the bad guys have all seemed to come to an agreement to cast off the traditional white and black hats that usually define the heroes and villains in these sagas, and instead opt for hats shaded in gray.It’s a Clint Eastwood masterpiece, and turns the Western genre upside down.

Eastwood’s morally ambiguous protagonist William Munny, a former alcoholic gunslinger searching for redemption, centers a tale that atmospherically and thematically, has more in common with the noir genre then the Western one. Steeped in violence, the film showcases the cruel side of the old West like never before – personified by Gene Hackman’s corrupt lawman, Little Bill Daggett, a murderous bully who becomes Munny’s nemesis by film’s end.

It’s a defining and defiant film, that had many critics praising it as the “eulogy for the Western.” Grim, violent, and devoid of the usual morality found in films of this ilk, it remains a classic in the genre, and a haunting, disturbing film that will remain with you for quite some time – you may never look at cowboys the same way again.

Well.

“Unforgiven” kind of messed up my “fun Western” thing I was going for. Ah, well.

Anywho, I’m fast approaching 1500 words here, so I think I’ll cut it short. Tune in tomorrow for the final three.

I promise they’ll be slightly better films than these.

Though I doubt ANYTHING is better than “Silverado.”

]]> http://bipolaires.wordpress.com/2009/10/24/jour-23-john-carpenters-the-thing/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:20:07 +0000 leboucherduwestisland http://bipolaires.wordpress.com/2009/10/24/jour-23-john-carpenters-the-thing/

Comme j’adore le mois d’Octobre, l’Halloween et les films d’horreur, j’ai décidé de faire le premier Horreur-o-thon des Bipolaires! En effet, j’écouterai un film de peur par jour jusqu’au 31, alors revenez lire mes critiques quotidiennes…si vous en avez le courage! MOUAHAHAHAAA!

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Si vous dites à quelqu’un “Hier, j’ai vu La Chose de John Carpenter”, il y a de fortes chances que la police débarque chez Mr. Carpenter pour grossière indécence.  Par contre, lorsque vous leur confirmez qu’il ne s’agit que de son film culte The Thing, ils vous diront que c’est un film excellent.

En effet, ce film où une équipe de scientifiques basée en Antarctique se font un à un assimiler par une Chose venue de l’espace trouve son aspect “horreur” dans une atmosphère claustrophobe, autant par son décor que par son concept.  Ainsi, en plus d’être coupés de la civilisation dans cette contrée glaciale, l’équipe masculine menée par Kurt Russell ne peut faire confiance à aucun d’entre eux, puisque La Chose les remplace un à un.  Bref, chacun des personnages hautement attachants sont littéralement isolés au plus haut point, créant un climat paranoiaque tendu.

Ensuite, l’autre aspect qui a fait de The Thing un classique d’horreur (autant que la première version en 1950), sont les effets spéciaux de Rob Bottin (The Howling).  Les créatures à moitié assimilées par la Chose sont constituées de façon terrifiante par Bottin, laissant lieu à des images cauchemardesques telles que des Huskies dont le visage se pèle comme une banane et une tête se déplaçant comme une araignée.  Beurk.

Note finale: 9/10

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Meilleure citation: “I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I’d rather not spend the rest of the winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!” (Garry commence à s’impatienter.)

Meilleure mort: Un mot: défibrillateur.

Y’as-tu des tits?!: Tous les personnages sont masculins alors non.

Saviez-vous que…?: En fait, c’est un “avez-vous remarqué que…?” Un personnage s’appelle Mac et un autre Windows?

Power From Within (PG-13)

2072: America reaches the tipping point where there are more prisoners than not.

Life-long criminal Sal Bergen (Kurt Russell) leads a revolution, organising fellow prisoners across the country to vote in bloc to elect an unscrupulous lawyer (Steve Buscemi) as their puppet President. Soon after election, a series of legislative measures are swept through so that people outside the prison walls become outlaws.

Ted and Ruby Eggert (Tim Robbins & Susan Sarandon) lead a group of angry senior citizens who won’t give up their freedom without a fight.