I took 100 mg lamictal and 150 veniba a.k.a. efexor, then i took 100 mg lamictal and 20 mg paxil aka paxera, i have a little dither.

because i slept only 4 hours.

understand that, sleeping from 00 am to 8 am is the keypoint success against bipolar disorder.

will back here.

247drugmart is supplier of Drug Mart, shoppers drug mart, mail order pharmacy, online pharmacy, drug store, online prescriptions, prescription drug, Buy Generic Drugs, buy drug online, discount drugstore, discount drug store online, online drugstore, online drug store, online drug purchase, discount drug mart, discount drug store, discount internet pharmacy in usa and canada, generic plavix, generic lipitor, generic advair diskus, generic actonel, cheap drugs, canadian drugs, Canadian Drugstore

Advice in the region of getting past its sell-by date of lithium and lamictal.?
I was diagosed bi-polar and have been on lithium and lamictal for years. I recently (12 days ago) stopped taking both of them. I’ve be feeling a little bit depressed, but altogether not that bad. Is there anyone out in attendance who has been on these drugs and stopped taking…

Does lamictal affects the worth of birth control pills?
lamictal is a medication for eplilepsia – I read that you should NOT stop taking your birth control pills, so the effectiveness must not be affected. "Birth control pills may decrease the amount of Lamictal in the body. A dosage adjustment may be compulsory if birth control pills are STARTED or STOPPED during…

Does lamictal end in tiredness?
– Yes it can, link to side effects and info document at link below; Source(s): http://www.lamictal.com/epilepsy/downloa鈥? http://www.lamictal.com/bipolar/patients鈥? No, its more likely to cause insomnia.

Does lamictal produce weightiness gain?
– For me it did. I know it is classified as weight neutral, but over the course of a year, I slowly gained 10 pounds in factor because of the lethargy it caused. Good luck with it, it helps lots of folks!! I enjoy gained weight, but I have also been ingestion a lot of junk, so I…

Does lamictal really work and if so how long does it embezzle back it starts to work?
Lamictal helped me a lot. It may take awhile to notice the change due to the fact that Lamictal needs to be titrated very carefully and on a set calendar (your dose goes up every one – two weeks) to avoid side effects. Everyone feels different…

Does Seroquel or Lexapro or Lamictal inflict counterweight gain?
i dont know about the other 2 but i take lamictal and i havent gain any weight on that. ive been taking it for nearly 2 years now. don’t really know , but i would similar to too hear from others too . I know Lexapro has a very low occurance of weight gain.

Ive taken Lamictal for years…can i scarcely be getting a sideffect?
Ive been taking lamictal for like 4 years now and my dose it perfect. These ancient two weeks ive been getting a rash. Its red itchy and dry around my nose and a little bit on the frame of my mouth. I know that rash is a sideffect but i also know that it…

Lamictal and alcohol?
i’ve been taking lamictal for my seizures for almost two years. when i take it, i didn’t experience any side effects i had 4 seizure before they prescribed lamictal to me. they did tests on me and they were all run of the mill. i was just wondering if i consume 1 cup of alcohol, will there be any huge effect in…

Lamictal and anti-anxiety meds?
i am currently taking lamictal for severe depression but i def need to be on something for my extreme anxiety. is anyone out there taking or have taken both lamictal and an anti-anxiety med? if so, what anxiety med did you use and did it work? im going to the doctors tomorrow and would like to see what…

Lamictal is making me touch so sick should i be in motion rotten it?
i started the lamictal starter kit on 4/24 25mg a day for the past 2 days i have feel so nauseous, dizzy and have had diarrhea..i have a tremendously dry mouth but then my mouth waters like when you feel you are going to be sick..i didn’t have any of these…

Lamictal related reckless accompany by cold symptoms?
2 months ago I started taking 100mg lamictal tablets for bipolar disorder prescribed by a general physician at a small clinic close to where I live. 2 days after starting the medication I woke up with swollen lips, tongue, and facade as well as a rash on the soles of my feet. I called the gp to inquire…

My brother is trying to stop taking the drug "Lamictal"?
Since I have never been on this, I can only give you devoted links… Lots of info: http://epilepsy.emedtv.com/lamictal/lami鈥? This one is a blog but the person asked about Lamictal withdrawal and got deeply of comments with personal experiences so that might be more helpful than the first link. …

My psychiatrist have me on lamictal and abilify.?
Has anyone ever had these symptoms your eyes flutter uncontrolable, nose runs, eyes feel dry but are not and get the cold chills and check out for a second and afterwards come back. What is this. This is the second time he says he’s never heard of it. but i was wondering if anyone could aid…

Neurontin info please? and Lamictal?
I just got prescribed Neurontin. What kinds of side effects will I have? Does it create you drowsy or anything? It says to take it at bedtime and I am wondering if its gonna knock me out and be hard to wake up contained by the A.M. Also, since its an anticonvulsant will it interfere with lamictal? – …

Please oblige me i’m so confused, have to do next to lamictal?
i’ve been on celexa for a month or so, and now i’ve been prescribed with lamictal. however, my psychoanalyst has made it clear i am NOT bipolar! i just have depression/anxiety! is she lying to me? has this happen to anyone else? i’m getting treatment obviously so don’t yell at me for that…

Question in the order of lamictal?
did lamictal change the way the 200 mg pill looks? i just received a new writ and the pills are a round white pill as opposed to a kite shaped blue pill. should i be nervous? – Call the pharmacy from which you received your order. Even if you ordered your prescription online, there is a customer…

Question roughly speaking pregnancy and lamictal?
My husband and I are trying to get pregnant. Right now im taking provera to start my period and then im going to hold my blood tested for cd 21 to see if i ovulate if i do not he is going to put me on clomid. however i am on lamictal and zoloft. i was to get off…

Risperidone and lamictal for Bipolar disorder? URGENT PLEASE HELP?
I was prescribed risperidone and lamictal for bipolar disorder by my psychiatrist. So he wants me to take the sample packet of lamictal for a month right immediately with the risperidone, and then completely go off the lamictal after the month is up. Does this spawn sense? I am really scared that this…

Should I stop taking my lamictal?
I have been taking lamictal for about 5 months now, and honestly can`t stand it. I have the worst anxiety I’ve ever had in my life. I believe about everything constantly and have panic attacks like no other. I find myself hate and thinking negatively about everything a lot of the time, and can’t appreciate anything. I don’t even…

Taking lamictal and drinking vodka?
i take lamictal for seizures… 150mg in the morning and 150 at night. and i would close to to go out this weekend with some friends and celebrate…vodka being my choice of drink. i’ve hear that drinking not too close to the time you take the meds makes it pretty safe. i’ve also heard that the certainty that it’s…

Tapering stale lamictal affects sleeping behaviour?
My Doc and I are currently working together to lower my Lamictal dosage. I am wondering for those who experienced this, did they any of the following: 1) Have sleeping problems? Lack of or oversleeping? 2) Stranger than usual dreams? 3) Awake all night and still not tired at all? 4) If artistic,…

Dow Jones Newswire ( 11/6  http://tinyurl.com/generic-lamictal) reports, “Aurobindo Pharma Ltd. said Friday it has received the final approval from the US Food and Drug Administration for selling a generic version of the epilepsy” medication lamotrigine [Lamictal]. The FDA approval “is for 5-milligram and 25-mg tablets.” GlaxoSmithKline manufactures the brand name version of the medication.

I am getting really tired of being tired and I want to get off my meds.  My p.doc has told me that I need to be on something.  Right now that cocktail includes lithium, Lamictal and Abilify.  I can take Ativan as needed for stress or anxiety.  I also have Tylenol with codeine for migraines – but I frequently take it for its numbing effect.

I don’t mind the voluntary stuff (Ativan is fun), just the everyday meds.  It reminds me morning and night that I am sick.  I don’t need to be reminded I am already obsessed with it.  I spend plenty of time focusing on being bipolar.  I decided to quit taking wellbutrin, I think it was making me nauseous.  I was on a different type that did make me somewhat manic.  My p.doc decided not to refill that type but switched it up.  The new variation gave me flu like symptoms and also made me very tired.  So I just quit it.  I have quit things before – like seroquel.  I was gaining weight,  super hungry and totally out of it.  So I just went cold turkey without telling anyone.  My p.doc was really not that upset with me and I was glad to be rid of at least one thing.  It had also really made my sex life miserable since I would be almost comatose every night.

Now I have to diet every day to not gain weight.  I hate dieting I have never needed to do it before and it really sucks.  I ate normally for a week and gained 5 pounds.  I think it is the lithium that is responsible for that.  At least my hair has not fallen out – another lovely possible side effect of lithium.  When I started it I gained 15 pounds in a month.  I have only been able to drop 5 and now I am back up again.  I really want to get off lithium.  unfortunately the other possible substitutes also cause weight gain.  Yes it is vanity – but I have that public image to uphold.  Architects must look good – if we look bad how can the client trust us to make their space look good.  Image baby.  Also not drooling or stumbling around like a drunk would be good.

I really just want to quit, but I know my p.doc would be very upset.  Can’t disappoint the doctor you know.  It’s all just a part of my desire to please.  I can’t wait for two weeks until I see her, I want to quit now.  Maybe I have the flu and it is all just bad coincidence, I just feel bad and blaming the meds is an easy thing to do, but I fail to see how pumping oneself full of drugs can be a good long-term solution.  It is better than being on the verge of suicide and very depressed… but it doesn’t beat a nice mania once in a while.  Most bipolar drugs are really good at chopping off the peaks but not so good with the valleys.

I think I want to go back, but maybe I don’t remember what it was really like.

About a week ago I upped my dose of Lamictal, and got the rash.  It was a spindly red map, like that of those pictures of rivers and lakes taken from space.  It covered my upper left leg.  I was immediately taken off the meds.  Now I’m in between with little to no meds.  I’m spiraling again.  I was feeling so good, and keeping a great perspective, hence the lack of posts.  Everything was smooth for a few weeks and I had hope that I had found stability.  I’m here to say, that isn’t the case unfortunately.  More trial and error in store.

I’m currently not getting along with my husband, I feel uninspired, and I feel agitated.  I’m sick of medicines that don’t work or those that poison me.  I am, in the midst of it all, trying to keep my head as level as I can.  I can’t go on any new meds for a few weeks because of the Lamictal allergy.  I’m trying to use visualizations to keep my mind focused.  We’ll see how those work.  They appear to be working a little bit, as I’ve not totally dropped off the edge.  I visualize myself being healthy and healed.  Anything is worth a try at this point.  Especially anything that isn’t a chemical.

I’ve been off of Lamictal for the past month and a half thanks to a wonderful supportive mental health community of bloggers. I’ve replaced my Lamictal dosage with 1000 mg of Omega-3s derived from fish oil capsules. So far, so good. I haven’t felt suicidal although I do admit I’ve caught myself wanting to feel suicidal. Believe me when I say it’s significant progress to go from feeling suicidal to wanting to feel that way. (By the grace of God.) Special thanks goes to Gianna at Beyond Meds and Stephany at soulful sepulcher.

I haven’t blogged on mental health lately because I haven’t had much to blog about. Any attempt at regular blogging now is mostly done at This Journey Is My Own, which is distinctively personal, reflective, and an unabashedly Christian blog. I guess it can be considered a scrapbook. Thoughts and rambles flowing freely through the blog. I don’t have the attention span, dedication, and motivation to do anything like I used to with depression introspection. I’m not averse to updating this blog every now and then but the months with 80-some odd posts are now gone. The Quotes of the Week should continue updating through early 2010. Enjoy.

My ride has been very bumpy for the last two weeks.  I completed two huge, exciting projects about three weeks ago – and about a week later crashed pretty hard.  I haven’t stayed on the floor for the whole last three weeks, praise god – never more than 3-4 days at a time, but i have also not had more than about 3-4 days at a time without again ending up there.  And this morning was as bad as it’s been.

I was so painfully contracted that any movement increased the pain – it was like trying to move through a solid wall of hypodermic needles.  I retreated to the sofa, which i have not done much in the last 9 or 10 months, but have done about three other times in the last couple of weeks.

A good friend called and i let the call go to voice mail.  I like talking with Tebbe, but was no way up to this.  I laid really, really still and the pain subsided.  i didn’t fall asleep as i hoped, but in about 40 minutes i felt enough better that i thought maybe i was at least a little bit out of the woods.  Wrong.  I returned to the sofa.

(I’m not quite sure why i don’t like going to my bed during the daytime, when it is so comforting to me at night.  Maybe some internal norm that you aren’t supposed to be in bed during the day.)

But i did have a phone commitment that i actually wanted to keep.  My friend Byron (back in Chicago) and i talk on the phone for almost an hour every week.  We each listen to the other for a solid 20 minutes, with typically a little chit-chat between each other’s “counseling session” and at the end.  (We met, over 25 years ago, doing a personal growth, peer counseling methodology called Re-evaluation Counseling.  Neither of us is involved in that organization or approach anymore, except with the somewhat modified form of “co-counseling” attention that we still give each other.

We always start with a quick update on “How are you?” – and this frequently informs our decision of who should talk (receive attention, love and support) first. We both knew, from my few words about having a real hard day – but even more from the paralyzed sound of my voice – that i had better be attended to first.

I took my 20 minutes in a different way than i ever had.  Over the course of the morning, i had been strongly resisting the nihilistic thoughts about myself and my life which only sometimes accompany my depressive contraction, but were trying to get at me today.

I fought hard to stay rigorously with just my immediate physical reality – observing my brain.  I picked up a couple of expressions from an interview on Fresh Air, about a year ago, with a clinical psychologist who has written a book about his terminal cancer – and has dealt with extreme depression for many years.  He used two terms that i had never heard before, but which i grabbed onto immediately because they spoke so much of my own truth: he referred to depression as “your brain is in pain” and “is suffering”.

So this morning, as i lay very still on the sofa, I thought “My brain is in pain – let’s observe it and see what i can learn.”  I thought words like “malfunctioning”, “misfiring”, even “having a little seizure”.

A shrink speculated with me years ago that maybe the reason that  anti-seizure  meds seem to work for bipolar disorder is similar to why they work in preventing seizures: they somehow help the brain get more solid, more resilient, more stable.  They’re not just mood stabilizers: they are maybe even more accurately “brain stabilizers”.

I remembered that i had the day before missed my dose of Lamictal, my morning mood stabilizer.  (I’ve been told by a couple of shrinks that Lamictal has a little bit of energizing effect and is best taken in the morning, whereas the Seroquel that i take in the evening has some sedating effect.  It does, in fact, sometimes – even at the low dose that i have over many months worked my way down to – totally knock me out, and i no longer can sleep through the night without it.  i do kind of resent this, because i used to be a good sleeper.  Maybe eventually i’ll wean myself off it, but i don’t know.)

I tend to not have any real confidence that these two mood stabilizers – which have been my drug regimen for almost five years now – really help me any, but i keep taking them in the hope that they actually are doing some good.  But thinking about my brain as having a kind of seizure prompted me to get up and take today’s dose of Lamictal.

So, as i lay very still on the sofa and talked to Byron, i treated my whole self very tenderly, speaking slow and soft and saying out loud some of what i had been thinking about my suffering brain.  By the end of my 20 minutes, i was actually feeling a little better.  The outside rain had let up and the outside sun had come out, so i decided to see if i could sit up out on the porch without the pain reasserting itself.  And, amazingly, it did not – and i enjoyed sitting out there on what was now a lovely early autumn day.

And by the end of Byron’s 20 minutes, i felt even better.  I had said during my time that i was releasing any expectation that i would accomplish anything today.  ”I’m liable to stay right here on the sofa all day, to be unable to move around much at all without the pain coming back.  Walking the dog feels right now way too much, but he’s outside free to run anyway” (which he always is in our country location).  ”I can’t picture that i will have it in me to go into town for choir rehearsal tonight.”

But, amazingly, by the end of Byron’s time, as we were starting to wrap our phone call up, I told him that i thought i might be ready to tackle a fairly mentally challenging task that i was very attached to getting done today.  Iwasn’t quite sure this was so, but i thought maybe.

My energy state continued to right itself fairly rapidly over the next hour – and then gradually over the rest of the day, until now (having returned from choir and even one high-priority errand on the way there) i’m basically fine.  There’s no predicting about tomorrow, but in this moment i’m really fine.

Maybe the Lamictal kicked in that fast to get my biochemistry back right with the world, but I bet my shrink would say that was impossible.  Maybe my biochemistry was just getting ready to shift anyway.  It often does happen that fast – and I can’t believe this could have happened without that being at least being part of the picture.  But the interactions between my biochemistry and my psychology are so complicated that who knows what drove what.

All i really know is that i am very, very grateful.

Following up on my post about possible Lamictal side effects;

I had an appointment with the doctor from my MH team, the other day, in which I voiced my concerns about the intense mood swings, paranoia, etc. She listened attentively & then told me that it was difficult to say whether they were due to increasing the dosage on the Lamictal, general illness or, more likely, coming of the Seroquel. As things have calmed down a bit, she thought it best to stick with the same treatment for the moment, which I suppose makes sense.

She also said that the memory problems could be down to sleep deprivation, after I told her that I’ve been sleeping a bit less than normal.

I also told her about the dissociative episodes that I’ve had recently & in the past & how it was at times like this that I would cut myself the most, making sure to tell her that I hadn’t recently.

I told her how I’d devised strategies to cope with this & other issues, in the past; distracting myself, stepping outside of myself, breathing techniques, not worrying about being “normal” & generally learning to be more resilient & stoical about my problems. Sort of evolving my own form of CBT.

She congratulated me on having so much insight. I told her that it wasn’t really doing me much good now that my episodes have become more frequent & more volatile (yes I know this is my fault for refusing medication for so many years ). I need to slow down the roller-coaster & turn down the volume on the mental chatter before I can start to take control again. It’s become quite clear that I need medication in order to do that. It’s just a matter of finding the right treatment.

So, in short, keep going & keep an eye on possible side-effects. Next appointment in another month unless I stop sleeping or my mood takes a definite plunge. Also, they’re having trouble getting my medical records from the UK, but they’re still trying & I’m still waiting to hear from the support group/therapy course. Ho hum… (mentally taps feet & looks at watch)

To be honest I’d forgotten how boring this whole process is.

(Probably best to avoid this bit if you’re feeling depressed & frustrated with treatment)

When people think about mental health treatment, they often envisage nightmarish scenarios involving someone in a straitjacket being dragged off for a horrifically painful session of “shock treatment ” or being held down by a pair of burly, sadistic orderlies & injected in the posterior with brain-melting, sedatives.

In my experience, treatment generally involves a lot of waiting; waiting for medication to kick in, waiting to be referred to a specialist who will then refer you on to someone else, waiting for your next appointment, waiting in the waiting room, at your next appointment. Meanwhile, your dull, ordinary life trudges on relentlessly & perhaps you have the occasional crisis or interesting side effect, to spice things up a bit…

Best go & have a cup of cocoa to cheer myself up a bit I think.

Ta-ra

I’m going to add a mood monitor at the top of each post… if I remember.

Mood: Normal/Tired

Was up late last night after working and then attending the Austin Out of Bounds Comedy Festival.  I handed out flyers for Coldtowne Theatre so I got in for free!  I was exhausted by the end of the second set and had almost run out of flyers so I went home to sleep… and stayed up ’til 2am.  Go me.

————————————————————————————————————–

If you have Bi Polar disorder, especially type 2, you need medication.  That might sound like a blanket statement, but I believe it’s true.  I don’t know what the difference is between mental illness and physical illness, but people seem more apt to ignore medication with the prior.  Maybe we think we can handle it through force of will.  Maybe we’re scared of losing our personality.  Maybe we’re afraid of being attached to the little shiny dark brown perscription bottles for the rest of our lives.  Maybe it’s the fear of side-effects or misdiagnoses.  I can’t really know.

What I do know is that medication has immensely helped my situation.  I was a mess before I started going into therapy, and even in sessions I was unable to make progress due to the extreme emotions I was feeling.  They put me on Prozak since it had worked when I was diagnosed with Depression in High School and the current diagnoses at my office was Depression.  The Prozak screwed me up even worse this time.   If I was a mess before,  then I must have turned into a frathouse kitchen.  I knew something bad was happening so I called it in and they told me to stop taking it.  The med was switched to Wellbutrin which took a while to start working, but once it did, I felt a lot better.

Currently I am on Lamictal for the highs and Wellbutrin for the lows.  I just got started on a new drug called Atentiva to help me concentrate on important day-to-day tasks that I have struggled with all my life.  I’m not sure if it’s working, but I had been planning on starting this blog for a few months now and didn’t finally do it until three days ago.  Three days, three posts!

For those of you who don’t trust medication or have had bad experiences, here’s my advice.  You have to remain vigiliant and aware of your own feelings and reactions when starting a new medication.  People blame the doctor and won’t trust another dose of any drug.  It’s hardly an exact science.  You need to be as involved in process as the medicating physician.  If you aren’t, expect the rollercoaster that is Bi Polar Disorder to get wilder and wilder until the cars fly off the track.  You have a handle on the brakes, my friend.  Don’t be afraid to pull it.

Music: Deerhoof – Milk Man

I was born on the 14th of March, 1988 at around 3.30pm to a relatively normal Australian family in middle class suburbia. I learnt to talk very early and sang songs that made absolutely no sense in an attempt to flaunt my growing and sometimes invented vocabulary, whether it be in supermarkets or aeroplanes en route to sweltering south-east Asian destinations on holidays.

There was nothing particularly unusual about me as a child, spare my poor eyesight, confidence, creativity and attitude that fitting-in wasn’t always the most important thing. I was described as cheeky, articulate and perhaps a little bossy.

At around the age of 13 things started to adopt a darker shade. I guess I just realised (predictably) that life wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be and that if you were in any way different you would probably be ostracised for it. Of course, my response to this was to dye my hair every unnatural shade available and draw crude black circles around my eyes. I took my self very seriously and transformed (to my father’s horror) from a happy-go-lucky kid to a hormonally charged, contrary, moody lump of frustration who would drag different emaciated teenage boys back on a biweekly basis. I even wore black, vinyl trenchcoats and pentagrams around my neck and I won’t lie and be humble – it goes without saying that I probably enjoyed the stares. As a middle child, I was always grappling for attention with juvenile technique.

I’m 21 years old now and at university studying ‘Creative Arts’ majoring in writing and art. It’s just a fluffy name for an Arts degree though, no fooling anyone about that one! I work a few days as a barista in patisserie making coffees that are as spectacularly inconsistent as my mood and decisions. I am in a relationship with a 27 year old online journalist/internet whizz who looms over me with excess bodily hair and height. Overall, we’re both very passionate, headstrong people and so arguments are mandatory, but the sex is satisfying and we make eachother laugh. My only gripe is that he uses marijuana as a crutch, but who am I to talk?

I refer, of course, to the fact that I am currently in between two different psychiatrically prescribed medicines. Namely ‘Lexapro’ (an SSRI antidepressant) and ‘Lamotrigine’ an anti-convulsant normally dished out to epilleptics. This year has been a tough one for me, when I finally crawled out elbows and knees, pleading for professional help as a means of justifying my major mood swings. No longer could hormones take the blow for every crying spell, rage spats and hyper-sexual needs that no one could ever truly satisfy (and I know that last part might sound ‘good’ on paper, I assure you it’s not.)

I don’t seem to have much luck with medication. I’ve got a list as long as my arm; Prozac, Valproate, Risperidone, Diazepam, Temazepam, Lorazepam &c.

Recently a combination of Seroquel & Lamictal, seemed to be helping a little so the MH team suggested raising the dosage of Seroquel. Unfortunately, I was one of the lucky one percent who develop akathisia. Imagine not being able to sit still for more than five minutes without wanting to chew your fingers off at the knuckle; you feel like your brain is about to crawl out of any available orifice, just to escape this awful restless, nervous energy. I lay in my bed, at night, a shivering, trembling insomniac. Akathisia is often described as chemical torture & I can attest to the accuracy of that statment.

I stopped the Seroquel & with the help of Benzotropine, a godsend, the akathisia went away.

Coming off Seroquel sent me spiraling into a deep depression. This only lasted about a week, but at the lowest point I just felt tired & bored of this whole situation & I just wanted it to stop. I felt that if it wasn’t for my wife & my son, I’d happily jump of the nearest tall structure. I told the team about this and they suggested doubling the dose of Lamictal.

The depression has gone but things have got pretty strange. I’ve had intense mood swings lasting only a few minutes; weeping abjectly one moment & then feeling fantastic the next. I sometimes feel extremely energized & hyper aware but with that horrible, mental white-noise & an almost unbearable sense of fear & foreboding; as if some sort of unspeakable, Lovecraftian entity is about to manifest itself.  I’m getting very paranoid, thinking that everyone has a hidden agenda (which of course they do, but it probably doesn’t revolve around me as the centre of their universe). I’m sure everyone immediately starts talking about me as soon as they are out of earshot & I’m constantly worried that I’ve made a complete fool of myself on leaving any social situation, even if I haven’t had five words to say to anyone.

You might think that people in the street have been crossing the road as I lumber towards them, drooling and gibbering to myself. Actually I’m pretty good at hiding the turmoil going on inside my head. The most noticeable thing is that my memory is completely shot, well more than usual anyway. I can’t remember names, instructions, appointments etc. I’m stumbling over my words & my normally impeccable spelling has gone down the toilet.

More hilarious anecdotes to bring up at my next appointment anyway. At the last one they told me how frustrated they were at the progress of my treatment.

You & me both mate.

Das wahre Leben – Eintrag.

Ein sehr schönes Foto als free use image aus Pixelio.de

Ich vermisse Dänemark, die hübschen girls, die Party usw., aber ich weiss, dass ich Scheiße gebaut, mal wieder nur Sex und viel zu viel Spaß im Kopf hatte. Es ist wichtig gewesen wieder in die Psychiatrie zu fahren um mich neu einstellen zu lassen.

Denn eine manische Phase kann noch so angenehm sein. Sie holt ein früher oder später wieder auf den Boden zurück. Deshalb gibt es ja jetzt für mich wieder Elmendos ( Lamotrigin ) und Ergenyl Chrono ( Valproinsäure ). Es geht mir damit schon viel besser und träumen kann ich auch über solch schöne Fotos hier.

Das folgende Foto ist ein Deko Foto und ein free use image aus Pixelio.de

(c) H. Gülink / Pixelio.de - free use image

Wahres Leben – Eintrag

Eigentlich ist es ja schön- Dieses Donnern. Wenn meine Ängste nur nicht wären. Diese Ängste, die ich früher nicht hatte. Ich hasse sie. Mein Gehirn ist völlig in Ordnung, ich bekomme wieder mein Ergenyl Chrono und mein Elmendos und noch Atosil gegen Angst und dennoch haben sich einige Zwangsgedanken, die eigentlich völlig ungefährlich sind, eingeschlichen. Eine Art Selbstverletzung, die ich so hasse. Warum tut ein Mensch das: Sich das Leben, obwohl er doch eigentlich so gesund und fröhlich ist, kaputt zu machen? Ich verstehe mich nicht, hasse es so sehr. Ich will wieder Leben und lachen. Ich war noch vor kurzer Zeit ein so fröhlicher Mensch. Manchmal habe ich ja auch viele Stunden eine Anfallsfreiheit. Ein Mitpatient meint, dass ich mal ordentlich einen saufen solle. Wie bescheuert, weil gerade er ein absolut anderes Problem hat.

Hier gehts zur Webcam Laboe

Wahres Leben – Eintrag.

Das Schöne ist, dass ich endlich wieder meine alte Medi Einstellung gegen meine bipolaren Schwankungen bekomme. Valproinsäure und Lamotrigin. Die beste Kombination. Man muss zwar aufpassen, weil sich durch einen erhöten Valproatspiegel der Abbau des Lamotrigins verlangsamt, aber ansonsten gehts mir schon besser.

Smart und lecker dieses Lamotrigin. Schmeckt nach Heidelbeere oder so. Warum ist das immer so lecker?

Und die hübsche Psychiatrieschwester mit der Brille, die in der Nebenstation arbeitet, ist immer noch nicht da. Shit. Wahrscheinlich hat sie gerade jetzt Urlaub. Zu blöde.

Mein wahres Leben – Eintrag.

Es ist jetzt 21 Uhr und es ist time, dass ich zurückfahre. Um halb zehn gibt es nämlich die “Gute Nacht” Pillchen. Heute ist die sweete redhairige mit der Brille da. Nicht das Nature Girl mit der Brille der Nebenstation, aber diese hier ist auch super sweet. Von ihr lass ich mir doch gern mein Valproat, mein Elmendos und mein Atosil geben. Gute Nacht *

So, I met with a neurologist for the first time in my life.  He explained to me that it was a meningioma which is a tumor that grows between the brain and the skull and that it was not actually attached to the brain.  He said that it was about the size of an egg.  He also explained that it had probably been there since I was a baby or possibly when I was born.  He said that they are slow growing tumors and because of the hormones rushing through my body now because of the pregnancy, it caused it to grow at an accelerated rate.  So the doctor had to put me on anti-seizure meds.  They put me on Lamictal because it was the safest drug to use during pregnancy.