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I stand quietly off to one side of the room.  There is nothing more fun that watching the elegance of a wedding reception unfold.  The tablescapes are works of art with dazzling crystal and breathtaking floral centerpieces.  The room is lit softly in gentle hues of color to create drama and romance.  An elegant bride floats across the dance floor in the arms of her proud father as the dj’s song brings tears to the sentimental.  Perfection….

Wait, what’s happening on the other side of the room?  There’s a distinguished elderly gentleman wearing a sparkly top hat and a hot pink boa around his neck.  The woman next to him is adorning herself with glitzy sunglasses and a bejeweled crown.  Around them a small crowd is forming.  Selfconsciousness forgotten, laughter and lighthearted fun escalates.  Of course, it’s the photo booth!

Throughout the evening almost everyone ventures over to try their hand at mugging for the camera.  Creativity abounds with pictures from the inane to the poignant.  Even the bride and groom can’t resist making memories in the black box. The photo booth is an entertaining asset, complimenting the traditional air of a wedding. Best of all, at the end of the evening, a photo album of fun will be created for the newlyweds as a gift from their imaginative guests.  This provides a unique way for young and old alike to showcase their inventiveness and give their best wishes to the bride and groom while adding to cherished memories.

When you think of engagement photography, are you thinking of a sign-in table photograph for your wedding day?   If yes, you are letting images of a valuable time in your life slip away!  Many couples today are so focused on their wedding day, they ignore the importance of their engagement and the effect their love has had.  Give him a chance to be the  hero!

Go back in time to the weeks before he asked you to marry.  Did you suspect he might ask?  Had you noticed the changes in the way he acted?  There has been a huge change in your lives. You can finish each other’s sentences, read his thoughts, you guys are blending together!  Do you think it was easy for him to set aside all that “sports – think” – that macho-dude attitude that makes a guy a guy? When he got down on his knee to ask your hand in marriage, it wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing.  He’d been transforming his mind, working up his courage since he first started falling for you -maybe before he even met your family.  He has in effect, been stepping up to be the hero!  The XOX Factor.  Now step back and look at the big picture.  These days in your life are a fragment of the time line thatmakes up your time in this world. Yes, your wedding day will be fantastic. But if you were to sit on the couch together 30 years from now and look at a portrait from these days in your life, would you choose a wedding image, or an image of the day you fell in love?  Don’t get me wrong, your wedding day is important, it is the legal and spiritual validation of your relationship, but that falling in love part…that’s where it began.

That’s the XOX Factor!  Engagements today are not a 40 minute trip to the park to get a prom-pose picture for the sign-in table. They are multi-hour events where you spend time together and explore your feelings.  You get to really know your photographer, and visa versa. You build trust together.

That engagement day with your photographer is going to be a fun memory. It will also bring you an exciting wall portrait you can display at the wedding, and a cool picture for the sign in table. Your photographer should provide you with a portrait from your engagements. A print is the least expensive, a gallery wrap the most. You can also add wonderful favor cards with a favorite image from that day, linking to the on-line proofing location for your wedding images. Your engagements can bring you an exciting on-line webcast that you can send to everyone announcing your engagement -an on-line Save-the-Date announcement.  It really is going to bring you a better wedding!

Breaking the Ice

Your photographer wants to get to know you!  I will often buy breakfast or lunch before the engagements just for this reason. I watch how you act with each other -and look for traits I’ll recognize to anticipate great wedding shots!  You learn to be yourself  that day, and not be looking to the camera all the time. You learn to use real smiles-not the fake ones you think people expect.  Most importantly, you practice just “being there, having fun.”  That doesn’t sound like much, but think about it.  Do you want a wedding where the photographer says do this, do that?   No.  You should be enjoying that fabulous day without having to even notice what the photographer is doing. Sure, there will be formals, and portrait shots at the wedding…but the majority of the wedding day should be you guys having fun.  Laying the groundwork through engagements is the mark of a good photographer.

Choosing the Photographer

Some photographers are commercial doing business, corporate work, product shots.  Some photographers are school, senior or prom photographers. But don’t forget there are photographers who specialize in engagements and weddings only. Visit several.  Look in person. Some of the best, and some of the worst are wedding photographers.  The worst are part-timers with cheap cameras.  When you judge by email, you end up judging by price alone.  Choose someone who believes in their work. You don’t want someone who skips the editing and artistic changes to their images,  posting them in a cheap public-market posting site. If they do, you should figure that photographer is going to go cheap on your wedding day, too.   Are they using a drug store to print photographs?   Your photographer should be using a pro-posting site like Pictage, with professionally printed, color-balanced images on archival papers. These after all, are the images of your love and life -the XOX of your life!

That Trick Question

That photographer you are searching to be involved with your engagement and wedding – this huge time in your life, should be someone with a passion for bringing you fantastic images. Here is a trick question you can use to judge the worthiness of the photographer you interview. (Be sure to watch their face when you ask.)  First, pick a city 300-500 miles away, perhaps where your parents or grandparents live or a city where your from or plan to honeymoon. For example, I’m in Dallas, but Kansas City is 500 miles north. Tell the photographer, “Kanas City is special to us.  Would you be willing to take a couple of days off and do our engagements there?”  The first thing out of their mouth is usually where their heart and thoughts are. “I’m not sure I could getaway…” might reveal other work more important to them. “It’s going to cost you…”reveals that money is a priority. “Yes!” is the answer you are looking for. It should be an exciting prospect to photograph in a different city, perhaps at the very spot where he proposed, or to photograph your romance in the city where you grew up. Give your photographer a chance to meet and lunch with your grandparents. They’ll be at the wedding right?  The photographer is involved in an important part of your life and the idea of fantastic images should be the heart and soul of a good photographer. (Don’t get me wrong.  I do ask for hotel expenses on trips.   But it’s not a profit issue, I’m in it for the images!)  If you get the reaction you want using the “trick” question, you may have found the photographer for you!  -Don’t forget, you can always “change your mind” about going to that other city -or maybe not… think of that XOX Factor!

Jim Rode Photographer is a Dallas-area engagement and wedding photographer.   His website is JimRode.com.

Here is a recent video (editors note:  Just in case you are planning at work, there is music on the video)