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photo from CHAMPIONS WEEK 2009 LAS VEGAS

VH1’s Top Ten Love Songs of All Time

How well can you identify the 10 songs VH1 picked as the best love songs ever?

1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

2) I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

3) There is a great need for sarcasm font.

4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

9) Bad decisions make good stories

10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

11) I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

15) I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

President Barack Obama laughs with aides aboard Air Force One en route to Singapore, Nov. 14, 2009. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

I had a sense of reeling back in time to white shirts and robin’s egg blue uniforms, complete with white socks and shoes. Even more familiar was the sharp sensation of pain, as one inadvertently and unavoidably must have had an experience of unsuspectingly trodding on a sharp, mean little…thumb tack.

As the pain registered on my brain, I yelped in pain, continued on with a howl and jumped about on one foot, all the while, customers and fellow colleagues alike looked on in surprise, some in shock and well some in amusement, I gather. With an effort, (it did take some will power) I tried not to burst into expletives. Ahh, control, control…

Oh, it was not a thumb tack I trod on, it was a sensor tag pin. I spent the entire day (and night!) detaching those little meanies, working as a “packer” for the cashier. Never in my whole life as a woman had so many bras and underwear passed through your’s truly’s hands. Although no, that was not all I packed, there were some shirts, tops, jeans, bottoms, kiddie’s clothes, bags…but of course, they were a ratio of 2:1, all of them added together would make up the 1. 

To my mighty surprise, some sweet, innocent, (and well, sometimes, a tad conservative and bordering on nerdy) ladies buy the most raunchy of tiny, lacy things imaginable. Ha! Got to say I can’t help discreetly looking them up and down to see if they match the portfolio of those filmy, lacy things passing through my hands. I must insist I am not guilty of discrimination or judging, just merely stating some observations. Neither am I making a joke out of these ladies, with all due respect.

I can’t help being amused by the cashier I was assisting as the poor guy had probably never seen this amount of ladie’s undergarments in his life! Even with him being married and all. 

I feel like  an old woman. All aching and creaking bones and muscular aches and joint pains. That jab in the sole doesn’t help too. Now off to a hot shower goeth me. Hopefully that helps soothe the kinks in the muscles a tad.

doo da di doo…goeth..

Sometimes you go to the store and come away with more than you went in for. Often, like every time I go to Target, those are things I want, and therefore pay for. Other times, like at Food Lion, these are things I don’t want and thankfully don’t pay for.

First, there was this incident.

Yesterday I went to buy a few items and when unpacking my bag discovered a large box of Queen Anne Cordial Cherries.

Was it cordial cherry giveaway day or did I just get lucky? Either way, these are definitely not a favorite of mine, and I already know what Christmas party I’ll deposit them at.

Partygoers beware!

Eliott Spitzer (a.k.a. “Client–9″) raised eyebrows when it was leaked that he paid a pro $4,500 for a night of transgression(s). 

At the time, $4,500 a pop sounded like a lot of money to most folks.

Well, Tiger Woods, has taken the game to a new level.

The Daily Beast reports that the beleaguered golfer is negotiating an immediate $5 million “sorry” payment to his wife — and revising her prenup to give her a “retention bonus” of $55 million more to stay with him two more years.

Let’s see.  The tramp that went public says she and Tiger “got together” about 20 times.  There’s speculation that there were at least 2 other Tiger-pleasers  in play. Let’s assume that Tiger teed off 20 times with each of them, too.

OK, $60 million  divided by 60 “dates” …

Holy smoke … $1 million a shot !!!!

Now, that’s  freakin’omics.

* * * * *
P.S.  Since we’re talking incentive pay and retention bonuses, shouldn’t the Fed pay czar have a crack at the deal?
* * * * *
Source article:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-12-03/new-details-on-tigers-prenup/?cid=hp:mainpromo1
* * * * *
PROMISE: This is my last Tiger post …

Just let me know if anyone messes with you today.

I gotcha covered

AND I’VE GOT FRIENDS

Dear Wagamama Corporate people:

Please open a DC Waga RIGHT NOW. Stop delaying. I don’t care about permits or training; I just want to be able to eat some yummy Yaki Udon without having to fly up to Boston.

Thanks!

This is so incredibly brilliant: http://eatingtheroad.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/where-to-eat-chain-restaurant3.jpg

So cleary Canadians are the only ones who don’t find Stephen Harper all that funny…

I'd LOVE to hear what he said

It seems like the next election needs a few more laughs (although Dion’s candidacy alone was funny enough for some)

So, caption contest? Anybody? Mine isn’t that great, outdo me!

First, I’m NOT one of the people who is tired of the Tiger Woods’ accident and affairs coverage.  My opinion: no such thing as too much coverage of this one.

Second, in great irony, el Tigre and President Obama share the cover of the already printed January issue of Golf Digest with a cover story titled, “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.” 

Jokesters are having a blast conjecturing on the 10 tips.  You don’t have to go much beyond the cover to get a few chuckles.  The other feature stories “How to Outsmart Your Buddies” and, my favorite “Load It and Let It Go”. You just can’t make this stuff up. 

http://www.examiner.com/x-20836-Celebrity-Fitness-and-Health-Examiner~y2009m12d1-Tiger-Woods-Golf-Digest-Cover-10-Tips-Obama-Can-Take-From-Tiger

(Clean) Tiger Jokes

This is the first time Tiger hit a tree and a water hazard on the same drive.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

Tiger was representing Nike: Just do it !

Elin found out he’s not a Tiger, he’s a Cheetah.

In the realms of horror, is there any tradition older or grander than that of the monster? Classical mythology gave us the terrifying likes of sea monster Scylla, who devoured unwary sailors, the man-eating Minotaur in his maze, and the ghastly Gorgons. Medieval folklore told of werewolves, vampires and ghouls. Some of our most celebrated literary works involve monsters—think Mr. Hyde, Frankenstein’s Monster and that pale dude from Transylvania. The ascent of film paved the way for stop-motion dinosaurs, King Kong, and cinematic refinements of classic bugaboos. And the atomic age, with its new fears, produced mutants in the shape of Godzilla, Them! and Tarantula. These titanic terrors could lay waste to entire cities, but they had competition from outer space, as evil aliens descended from the skies to destroy, enslave and devour Earth’s population. And let’s not forget the archetypal serial killer, man revealed as the cruelest monster of all.

Just like Scylla, the monster pantheon is colossal and many-headed. With scores of freaks, fiends and unholy horrors to choose from, how can a poor fan ever pick a favorite? Which monster towers above the rest, reducing the competition to cowering baby bunnies in its mighty shadow?

Do you even have to ask?

Blue fur, bulging eyes, gruff voice, terrible table manners and a legendary hunger. Five trademarks of a monster who can eat and eat and eat some more. This guy’s stupendous appetite is never sated. And while he does have a self-evident favorite food, he’ll gobble up anything, as the below clip demonstrates. According to Wikipedia, it’s exactly 40 years ago today since the subject of this post first graced American television screens, and that certainly warrants a mention. Who is this majestic monster, this king of cookies, this really rather friendly blue beast? Well, there’s only one way to find out. (Actually, I can think of at least three other ways on this post alone, but play along with me, okay?)

Dare you watch today’s clip? Dare you? DARE YOU?!

A clarification for particularly dense readers: This post is not about Kermit the Frog …

You know, there are some things you just never think about . . . like Mt. Rushmore, from the Canadian Side . . .

From today in class

Me: Can anyone think of an example, besides the plasma membrane, of selective permeability? Anyone?
Kids (think… think…): The White House Secret Service!

LOL. Thank you, Current Events, for giving me a GREAT example of why you need TWO layers of security to keep things INSIDE that should be inside, and things OUTSIDE that should be outside. My kids finally understand the cell membrane!