Cambridge Corn Exchange – 23/11/09

I spent last night shooting rock legends Motorhead at Cambridge Corn Exchange. I very nearly didn’t make it: I received the press pass confirmation email in the afternoon and was due to work in Hunstanton until 7.15 that evening. Fortunately I managed to get home grab my camera bag and leave for Cambridge by 7.50 pm (and I only forgot my wallet!) and made it to the venue just as The Damned were belting out ‘Smash It Up’, a favourite of mine.

After getting my pass (with no problems or need of an email printout for a change) I tried to manoeuvre through the crowds. It was unbelievably busy (and sold out), and people were packed in like hairy, leather-jacketed sardines.  After about ten minutes I finally managed to force my way to the photo-pit and sat down with a few minutes to spare.

The pit was quite luxurious compared to others I’ve seen (I’ve been in photo-pits so tight that I once got my foot stuck!) so, when Motorhead arrived on stage, the other photographers and I could get around pretty easily without getting in each other’s way.

I’ll be honest, even though I’ve been a rock fan for more than 20 years, I’m not that familiar with Motörhead’s stuff, (though obviously I know all their big hits like ‘Ace Of Spades’ and, er…Ace Of Spades ) but I had heard that, due to the dry ice, it might be a challenge to get any decent shots. It was certainly tricky to get any contrast, as the fog made everything look washed out and soft, but I’m pretty happy with what I got in the allotted ‘3 songs, no flash’. What do you think?

I would have liked to get some shots of Matt Sorum (at least I assume it was him) on drums, but the only part of him visible was his hair. Never mind.

In striving to make the world a better place, by spreading the blissful two words of Heavy Metal (and any and all Extreme Music), here is a cool list of Greatest Hits CD’s from some very worthy bands and musicians. This list may quite possibly trigger a mad dash to itunes or your nearest record/CD store upon your review. Greatest Hits or Best Of CD’s are sometimes the perfect fix if you do not have any of the respective band’s albums/CD’s already. If you are like me, (a collector and sometimes over excited fan), you may like some or many bands so much, you just need to own everything that is available by such bands, including Greatest Hits. If this list of incredible Greatest Hits CD’s recruits even one new fan to the Heavy/Extreme Music genres, then I have done a fine Metal deed. Please note, I own each Greatest Hits or so named CD on this list… I could never recommend an album/CD without listening to it’s entirety and/or having ownership of. Integrity in Heavy Metal Music recommendations is an ethical must.

The Best Of Ted Nugent – Great Gonzos! – Absolutely a Hard Rock meets Heavy Metal fusion with The Motor City Madman. Cat Scratch Fever, Stranglehold, Wango Tango, Free For All and Dog Eat Dog are late 1970’s into early 1980’s FM radio Classics. Old School and not a lick here that isn’t memorable for Metal life. Plus, the reissue has 3 bonus tracks too.

IRON MAIDEN – Somewhere Back In Time/The Best Of 1980 – 1989 - An undeniably great assortment of Iron Maiden classics, spanning the unreal Metal ’80’s. 2 Minutes To Midnight and The Trooper are enough to get me psyched out of my Metal mind for at least an hour. In my Metal opinion, Iron Maiden could have/should have released a 2 – disc greatest hits, they have that many incredible songs in their Metal catalog. Yes they do.

Jimi Hendrix - Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix - A Hard Rock evolving into Heavy Metal history lesson is heard here on this album. This album of Jimi Hendrix songs are beyond great… their damn sacred. Purple Haze, The Wind Cries Mary, Hey Joe, Foxy Lady, All Along The Watchtower and the Rock historical – Star Spangled Banner… c’mon, these songs are the Metal building blocks of every Heavy Metal and/or Hard Rock genre out there today. 20 songs total on this masterful collection, not a must have… a no brainer must own.

DIO – The Very Best Of DIO – Ronnie James Dio is a living Metal legend. His vocals for me, are the epitome of what Heavy Metal singing is all about. Dio’s solo career takes center stage on this amazing collection of greatest hits. Holy Diver, Rainbow In The Dark, Rock and Roll Children, Mystery and The Last In Line are DIO songs that pack the same potent Metal punch to my ears and senses… as they did back in the 1980’s. 16 songs total on this DIO disc. Metal masterpieces only sound better with age.

Black Sabbath – The Dio Years - I find this collection of Black Sabbath songs to be uncannily irresistible. These are the Black Sabbath songs from the Ronnie James Dio era, with the Heaven and Hell, Mob Rules, Live Evil and Dehumanizer albums all represented. This same Black Sabbath lineup may be called Heaven and Hell in 2009, yet does it really matter? Their still Black Sabbath to me.

Twisted Sister – Big Hits and Nasty Cuts – Dee Snider made Heavy Metal all the more visible on MTV with the Twisted Sister video We’re Not Gonna Take It, back in 1984. This Twisted Sister greatest hits album is loaded with 6 live bonus tracks as well. This is another band that could easily fill up more than one disc of great songs from their Heavy Metal catalog. Under The Blade and The Kids Are Back are my two favorites on this one.

KISS – Double Platinum – I have proudly owned this album since it’s release back in 1978. I was in seventh grade back then and this was my very first KISS album. My Double Platinum album is still in beautiful condition too. A 2 record set, opening up as a gatefold, this album also included a platinum record certificate to the fan who purchased it. (I wish I kept this piece of KISS memorabilia, it was just made of paper and it hung on my bedroom wall for several years, when I was a kid of course). The important thing is I still have Double Platinum on vinyl… plus I upgraded Double Platinum by buying the CD many years ago too. (It is not a double CD, all the songs are on just one… I don’t know if this ever changed over to a double CD over the years). Just about every important and cool KISS song from the 1970’s is on Double Platinum, with Hard Luck Woman and Calling Dr. Love being my two vintage KISS favorites.

Queensryche - Sign of the Times, The Best Of Queensryche – Buying this CD suited me well since many of my Queensryche “albums” were purchased on cassette years ago. Queensryche has always been a favorite of mine, a high powered – progressive Metal Band that crossed over into Rock and Hard Rock too. Musical diversity is no stranger to Queensryche. My two favorites are Queen of the Reich and Jet City Woman. Yes, those two songs are tops on my list.

Alice Cooper – Alice Coopers Greatest Hits – This album was released back in 1974, it is the Greatest Hits of Alice Cooper (The Band). Man, this is Old School Heavy Metal. Sure, some may argue it is comprised of Old School Hard Rock as well… that is fine by me. The Metal bottom line is this: Alice Cooper (The Band), was just as much as important to the creation of Heavy Metal as any other band of their time or before them. That is my Metal opinion and I have to tell it to the world. Oh, yeah, my favorite songs from this Greatest Hits are – No More Mr. Nice Guy, Under My Wheels and well, just every song on this Greatest Hits is great.

Motorhead – The Best Of Motorhead - This is one great and comprehensive double disc, greatest hits of Motorhead. I bought this Motorhead disc due to my needing any and all of their releases, regardless if I already have the songs. This Best Of was released in 2000, with two live bonus tracks included. There are 40 songs total on this double disc Motorhead bounty! Also found on The Best Of Motorhead are: Hawkwind playing Motorhead, Girlschool covers Bomber and Headgirl covering Please Don’t Touch. The history of Motorhead is covered up to the year 2000, from Ace of Spades to the Motorhead cover version of God Save The Queen. Plus, my favorite Motorhead song of all time is on here too – Killed By Death, from the No Remorse (Greatest Hits album). Long live Lemmy and Motorhead.

I could go on and on with this list of Heavy Metal Greatest Hits CD’s worth owning. Showing and quipping about some of the Greatest Hits CD’s I own, can maybe help out someone who is on the fence about one of these bands or musicians. These CD’s above are all consistently listened to by me, they are perfect for when I’m in the mood to hear the choice songs from these bands/musicians. As Dee Snider has sung, with Heavy Metal pride: You can’t stop Rock and Roll!

Welcome once again to a recap of our weekly finds from around the internet.

As always, we begin our journey by fortifying ourselves with a piece of cheesecake.  This week, at Chris’ request, that cheesecake is Padma Lakshmi, the host of Top Chef on The Food Network.  I have to be honest and say I’m curious to see what kind of traffic the combination of cheesecake and Padma Lakshmi drives.

Padma’s geek credentials are strong.  Besides her work on The Food Network, she has been a runway model, the love interest in an EELS music video, Sean Bean’s nemesis in Sharpe’s Challenge and, perhaps most importantly, an alien princess on Star Trek:  Enterprise.

It’s good to be Scott Bakula.

Oh, and she was married to Salman Rushdie.

On with the links.

1. Chicago Tribune columnist literally eats his words re:  Bulls C Joakim Noah.
2. Between Two Ferns with Zack Galifanakis, the best talk show EVER schools Conan.
3. The 100 Greatest Quotes from The Wire.
4. Newsweek presents the decade in 7 seconds.
5. Smart guys fight over football; Malcom Gladwell puts the hurt on a reviewer over QBs and draft status.
6. A trailer for a movie where Manny Pacquiauo fights a giant crab.
7. College football play of the year from Bethel College in Kansas.
8. Commonsense?  Conservatism?  Verbal tic?
9. Microsoft blows a software rollout?  No way!
10. Stephe’s a Trekkie…ummm…Trekker.
11. E*Trade baby outtakes.  Funnier than you think.
12. Calibrate.
13. Bacon Envelopes.  Thank you science.
14. Humorous bailout rant.
15. Existentialism.
16. Interview with Lemmy.  \m/
17. Robot band.
18. Rescuing the horns for metal.  See above.
19. That’s both gross and wrong.  More wrong, but still gross.
20. More cryptozoology.
21. Our obligatory Twilight link of the week.
22. And I’ve read two.
23. And I drafted two.
24. I’m pretty sure the word you’re looking for is treason.
25. Disturbing XBox 360 story #1.
26. Disturbing XBox 360 story #2.
27. NO!  REALLY!
28. And, finally, Jon Stewart once again delivers the truth.  This time about Nancy Grace.

E ae Galera!

Você é um viciado em games e apaixonado por Heavy Metal?? Então você tem que jogar

Brütal Legend

Eddie Riggs

Desenvolvedora: Double Fine Prod.

Consoles: PS3  e Xbox360

Brütal Legend é um jogo de ação em terceira pessoa que faz uma paródia do universo do Heavy Metal colocando o jogador na pele do “roadie”  de uma banda famosa, Eddie Riggs, o título traz grandes nomes do cinema e da música, como Jack Black, Lemmy Kilmister (vocalista da banda Motörhead) e Rob Halford (vocalista da banda Judas Priest) e o grande Ozzy Osbourne  que dublam alguns dos personagens do game.
A história do Game começa quando Eddie Riggs(Dublado por Jack Black) se machuca, quando afinava sua guitarra, e o seu sangue escorre ate a fivela “amaldiçoada” de seu cinto, a fivela ganha vida e transforma-se em um monstro terrivel que leva Riggs aparentemente para o céu, aonde as muralhas são feitas de milhares de amplificadores empilhados, aonde pode-se encontrar guitarras gigantescas enterradas no chão, e cada vilão ou herói parece ter sido retirado diretamente de clipes dos grandes clássicos do Metal.
Em Brütal Legend ação não falta, seja detonando demônios dirigindo o grande “Deuce” , detonando os seus inimigos com um Machado de dar inveja a alguns vikings ou simplismente “derretendo” os seus inimigos através dos Bravos solos de Eddie na sua fiel Gibson Flying V  Clementine. Alias como se usa um solo para derrotar seus inimigos?? Simples no jogo ao realizar o solo a uma espécie de Mini-game que no qual você deve apertar cada uma das notas nas sequências certas para conquistar os poderes oferecidos pela guitarra como disparar raios ou “derreter” o rosto de seu inimigo.

Eddie, Ophelia no Deuce

Falando em “Deuce” o carro destruidor de Eddie ele é a melhor forma de se percorrer o mapa e também destruir alguns monstros pelo caminho, pois ele pode receber upgrades como lança-chamas e mais alguns que o tornam mais violento do que ja é, apesar de a ação ser de grande referência no game a história é o ponto mais atraente, pois ela é cheia de mudanças repentinas o que nos faz ficar travado muitas horas so pra saber oque vai acontecer um pequeno exemplo de como é a história:

“Logo no início da trama, quando Eddie resolve ajudar a bela Ophelia e o estereotipado Lars — que, para todos o efeitos, poderia muito bem ser uma caricatura do Dave Mustaine —, a missão é resgatar “headbangers” que vem sendo explorados para quebrar pedras em uma mina.
Com um discurso que parece retirado de uma cena perdida de “Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny”, Eddie convence os pobres e explorados “bangers” de que eles estão sendo explorados; de que deveriam sim bater as cabeças, mas não para quebrar pedras, e sim para agitar ao som do bom e velho heavy metal.
Em um segundo momento, Ophelia jaz moribunda, e apenas um curandeiro conhecido como Kill Master pode fazer alguma coisa. Acontece que o curandeiro não é ninguém senão o inconfundível Lemmy Kilmister, do Motörhead (sim, por isso o trocadilho com Kill Master). Mas, para salvar a pobre Ophelia, Jack precisa sair à cata da teia de uma aranha metálica, o que permitiria ao Kill Master tocar um som ainda mais pesado.” (trecho retirado do site Baijaki jogos)

Brütal Legend é realmente uma obra, pois além da grande história e do grande elemento ação temos as trilhas musicais que nos trazem grandes musicas jamais esquecidas das bandas Black Sabbath, Motörhead e Judas Priest. Emperor, Manowar, Def Leppard e SlayerBlack Sabbath, Motörhead e Judas Priest. Emperor, Manowar, Def Leppard e Slayer entre outras (lista de bandas e musicas).
Ah e claro não posso esquecer de falar que o jogo com toda certeza não seria o mesmo se não tivesse como dublador de Eddie  Riggs Jack Black (que realmente destroi *-*)

Bem galera é isso espero que tenham gostado do Post ponho em seguida um video do jogo legendado

Abraços, Tenkai

Ah, the weekend is here. Time to clean up the house, tidy the garage, finish some yard work and maybe wash and vacuum the car. Watch some College and/or NFL Football this weekend too. What are some music listening suggestions I may have for the weekend? Thank you for asking. Heavy Metal and/or all the other Metal Music genres that exist is first and foremost. Oh, may I also suggest some Punk Rock as well? Thank you for allowing me to do so. What was that? Did someone just ask me to name specifically which bands and/or albums to delve into this weekend? Gee, I feel rather honored to be suggesting to the entire world , a tidy list of great heavy bands and/or albums to choose from… uh, here it is:

The first Heavy Metal suggestion to maximize your listening enjoyment is -

LONG LIVE BLACKIE LAWLESS

Here is a Hard Rock favorite of mine, Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow.  Man On The Silver Mountain is an unreal great song, it never fails to give me the psyched out chills each time I listen to it. Released back in 1975, Ronnie James Dio on lead vocals makes this album a standout for Rainbow… with Ritchie Blackmore on guitar you cannot go wrong here.

Alright, since I feel like it, I will suggest an Old School Punk Rock Band and just one current Punk Rock Band. However, that is it. Then I’m done. Either take it or be uncool and don’t.

Ramones. Enough said about that. Man, if you do not own any Ramones by now… BUY SOME RAMONES THIS WEEKEND!!! Any greatest hits will suffice for the beginner Ramones fan – heck, I have a greatest hits from them… this one:

Now, I cannot get enough of this new album from The Casualties. we are all we have was released on August 25, 2009. The Casualties know their Punk roots and it comes out loud and Punk clear through their Punk songs. Yeah it does. Give ‘em a listen this weekend.

O.k., here is one more Heavy Metal suggestion for your listening enjoyment, guaranteed to Rock your weekend! If this album doesn’t do it for you… go listen to some Jim Nabors, (you know, the Gomer Pyle dude who actually sang and made records).

The two cover songs of Cat Scratch Fever and Hellraiser are enormously incredible on this March Or Die album. Motorhead is the elixir of all great things about Rock and Roll.

Now, as I stated a few sentences ago… if this Motorhead album or any other suggestions on this Heavy Metal and Punk Rock list are of no interest to you and/or bother you in any sort of way, this is what you should be listening to instead -

WARNING: LISTENING TO JIM NABORS MAY CAUSE SEVERE CONSTIPATION

by ChiefJimbolaya:

©2009 Aaron Klein

“What do you do with a bunch of kids who don’t know how to do anything but bang their heads all day long?”

“We start a revolution!”

Perhaps no greater tribute has ever been offered at the temple of an entire genre of music than Brütal Legend. This game idolizes the power and energy of heavy metal, creating an entire world with metal as its central mythology.

The world of Brütal Legend is steeped heavy metal symbolism; with every scenic vista looking like it belongs on an album cover.

Brütal Legend is a game with a lot of star power. First, it bears the name of one of the most critically acclaimed video game developers: Tim Schafer.

Schafer spent more than a decade at Lucas Arts working on games like Maniac Mansion, The Secret of Monkey Island and Grim Fandango before founding his own studio, Double Fine Entertainment, and creating games like Psychonauts. He has earned the reputation as being one of the funniest writers in the industry.

The game’s second big name is Jack Black, who voices Riggs, and whose enthusiasm for rock music evident in movies like School of Rock and Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny made him a perfect advocate.

In addition, heavy metal icons like Ozzy Osborne, Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead and Judas Priest’s Rob Halford lend their voices to some of the game’s main characters. In another stroke of genius, Schafer secured the diabolical voice of Tim Curry as the game’s main villain.

Brütal Legend is a third-person, open-world action game where you play as Roadie Eddie Riggs. Riggs laments what passes for music nowadays, asking a fellow roadie, “Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong time, like you should have been born in a time when the music was better?”

Soon enough he finds himself magically transported via his cursed belt buckle to a land of Nordic fantasy where demons have enslaved humanity. Only the power of metal–and Eddie’s superior organizational roadie skills—can save them.

In this world, Eddie can melt his enemies’ faces with a scorching guitar riff and allies can be healed with the soothing vibrations of a bass note from a steel string made from a giant spider. Eddie’s guitar launches special attacks, and behaves in a way similar to Link’s ocarina in the Zelda franchise.

The story lampoons various aspects of music culture. Eddie’s first roadblock, General Lionwhyte gets around by using his massive hair to fly, and represents the glitz and glam of corporatized hair metal in the 1980s.

Other enemies clearly mock the emo culture, as they don black clothing and mascara while saying things like, “you don’t understand my suffering.” These guys get their power by drinking from the “Sea of Black Tears.”

Eddie’s roadie skills particularly help in the massive “stage battles,” which are duplicated in multiplayer mode. Stage battles are a mix of third person action and real time strategy.

Here Eddie sprouts wings and soars over the battlefield, setting rally points and commanding his troops. Two opposing stages vie over fan geysers, which supply resources needed to build more and more powerful troops to take out your opponent’s stage.

Some RPG elements are evident in that Eddie earns flame tributes by pleasing the gods, which he can give to the Guardian of Metal (Ozzy) in exchange for upgrades to his vehicle and weapons.

Side quests are good ways to earn extra flame tributes. There are around a half dozen varieties, including ambush attacks, races, hunting wildlife and searching for collectibles.

If anything bad can be said about it is that it is too short. However, it could have just seemed that way because it was so much fun.

©2009 Aaron Klein

“8.5/10

“Average press score according to TestFreaks: 6.3/10″

Please share us around

Click play, because the story Lemmy is going to tell you is just ‘Wunderbar’. It’s the best story he ever heard.

Via Petting Zoo Propaganda

So I was reading the latest copy of Rolling Stone magazine, and in typical Jann Wenner = asswipe fashion, one of their buried deep-within-the-issue interviews was infinitely more informative and entertaining than their cover story (this month, it’s Madonna. Yep, that piece was just about as insightful and awe-inspiring as her last baby-grab trip to Africa). It was an interview with Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead (of all people) that had me riveted.

Yeah, I’m just as surprised as you are.

Anyway, while I can’t stand speed metal, I appreciated Mark Binelli’s article and it got me thinking: who are the real badasses of rock-n-roll these days? Are there any left, or have they simply dissolved into a puddle of watered-down Woodstockesian* folklore? Take a look at the following rock subgenres and you tell me if you think the following candidates are Badass or Asswipe:

Heavy Metal

Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead  and Ozzy Osbourne

      vs 

 The amazing thing about these two (who are good friends for real) is not just what they contributed to heavy metal, but the fact that they’re even still alive.  Although admittedly on different sides of the spectrum.  Lemmy has been living long and hard, still drinking a bottle of Jack a day, smoking a couple of packs a day, and living in a run-down flat in Hollywood – picked for its close proximity to his favorite bar.  He still tours a good chunk of every year and dresses in the same black uniform he’s been wearing since the Seventies. 

Ozzy Osbourne still tours, albeit not very often, and is a walking billboard for the “Just Say No to Drugs” campaign.  If you’ve ever seen his family reality show, you know Ozzy is a shell of his former badass self as a result of drugs and alcohol.  It certainly ain’t pretty.  But I’ll tell ya this: while Ozzy is no longer a badass in the classic rock n roll sense, I admire his marriage to manager Sharon, and his devotion to his family.  Lemmy’s never been married and has a couple of kids he didn’t bother to raise – claiming human relationships are just too much work. True, but Jesus Christ Almighty, that still sucks balls for your kids.

Since both exhibit deep-seeded Badass and Asswipe qualities, I’m declaring this one:

Badass or Asswipe?   =  Tie

They’re Both Badass for completely different reasons (although I think Lemmy’s an Asswipe for not even trying to raise his boys)

Southern Rock

Gregg Allmann of The Allmann Brothers vs. John Fogerty of Creedence Clearwater Revival.

  vs.

When the music press called Gregg Allmann’s brand of music Southern rock, he said that was a redundant term, like calling music “Rock rock.”  He has a point, but there’s no denying that the rock and roll thrown into this category has a certain sound which just makes it Badass Southern rock.  It’s like pornography – you may not be able to define what makes it, but damn it, you know it when you see it.

Gregg Allman was one of the original Badasses, period – making great music and living on the edge between rock god and parody for many years.  We can even forgive his brief marriage (which – dear God! – actually resulted in a record) to Cher.  I personally blame all trangressions with Cher on the Seventies because no one can think clearly with that much drugs around. Anyway, he eventually kicked the Cher and heroin habits respectively, and still tours most of the year.

John Fogerty’s another story altogether.  After his work with Creedence Clearwater Revival, his next major hit was Centerfield, a chart-topping success in 1985.  On tour in 1986, however, Fogerty suffered complaints over his steadfast refusal to play Creedence songs live and “suffered” with recurring vocal problems which he blamed on having to testify in court. Yeah, that was the problem, Asswipe.  Fogerty’s explanation for not playing CCR songs was that he would have had to pay performance royalties to copyright holder Saul Zaentz—and that it was “too painful” to revisit the music of his past.

On February 19, 1987, at the Palomino Club in Los Angeles, Fogerty broke his self-imposed 1972 ban on performing his CCR hits, on an admonition from Asswipe Interventionists, Bob Dylan and George Harrison  that “if you don’t, the whole world’s gonna think ‘Proud Mary’ is Tina Turner’s song.”   At a Fourth of July benefit for Vietnam veterans, Fogerty finally ran through the list of Creedence hits—beginning with “Born on the Bayou” and ending with “Proud Mary”—to an ecstatic audience. He retreated from music again in the late 1980s but returned in 1997 with the Grammy-winning, Blue Moon Swamp.   John Fogerty still tours frequently and plays CCR tunes alongside material from his newer albums.

That said, he basically denied his audience much of the music they loved him for, and while there’s no denying he got screwed with the whole royalties/copyright deal, that’s no reason to be an asswipe to the fans who got you there.

Badass or Asswipe?    Allmann = Badass      Fogerty = Asswipe.

 Arena Rock

Steve Perry of Journey vs. Dennis DeYoung of Styx

 vs. 

Personally, I think they may as well label this subgenre Classic 80s Rock, because most of the bands always cited in this category had their heyday during that time. And you can’t have power-belting, special effects driven, middle of the road songwriting, Arena/80s rock without citing Steve Perry from Journey.  There’s no other voice like his in the genre, and while that substitute Fillipino guy comes awfully close, it’s just not the same.  And too bad for the other guys in Journey that he’s irreplaceable because Steve Perry is a major pain in the ass. 

Starting off as a progressive rock group in San Francisco, Journey didn’t really go anywhere musically until they recruited Perry and while the founding members of the band were certainly grateful for the play, Perry always claims in interviews that they always resented him for the direction he took the band, especially with power ballad hits like “Open Arms,”  “Faithfully,” and “Send Her My Love.”   Who knows, right? Anyway, it got so bad that Perry and his girlfriend used to ride a separate tour bus, supposedly for privacy, but the band felt he was further distancing himself – and when Perry’s solo album became a chart-topper, the divide was too great, and they all took a break from one another.

Until about a decade or so later, when 80s rock was making a huge comeback in the summer tour circuits – and the band members wanted to jump on that money train while the tickets were selling. Perry made a record with the band and agreed to go on tour after he had hip surgery.  Well, he kept blowing off his surgical date, putting off the others’ plans – to the point when the remaining members fired him and went on tour with their first Perry replacement (can’t recall his name) and now with Arnel Pineda (that’s the You Tube-discovered, Filipino dude).  Who knows why Perry kept them waiting, but suffice it to say in subsequent interviews, he viewed the firing as the ultimate betrayal. Yeah, yeah, wa-wa…

Dennis DeYoung’s another piece of work.  Starting off as a rock band with a heavier edge, DeYoung took the band in a more theatrical direction in the early 80s with their concept album, Paradise Theater.  It was a huge, multi-platimun hit and the band followed DeYoung’s lead with their next project, Kilroy was Here (1983), another, more fully-realized concept album, embracing what other music critics would call a rock opera format, but one I just label “DeYoung’s getting freaky on us.”

 Set in a future where performing and playing recorded rock music has been outlawed due to the efforts of a charismatic evangelist, the record featured Dennis DeYoung in the part of Kilroy, an unjustly imprisoned rock star. Tommy Shaw played the part of Jonathan Chance, a younger rocker who fights for Kilroy’s freedom and the lifting of the ban on rock music. This future society is served by robots. Called Robotos, these automatons perform many jobs, not the least of which are as Kilroy’s prison guards.

Part of the impetus for the Kilroy story was the band’s reaction to accusations of including backwards satanic messages embedded in their prior releases.  Its introduction intentionally included a backward message, the Latin phrases, “annuit coeptis” and “novus ordo seclorum,” from the reverse side of the US Seal. Referring to the United States Declaration of Independence in 1776, these are translated, “Annuit cœptis – He (God) favors our undertakings, and Novus ordo seclorum – A new order of the ages.”  

In 1983, the band mounted an ambitious stage show in support of Kilroy featuring theatrical presentations of several songs.  The elaborate show was expensive to produce and was not as profitable as previous tours – and while I get where the story comes from and admire DeYoung pushing back on the Christian Right, the whole thing just got stupid. Plus, there was, as I call it, the Spinal Tap factor…where sets meant to impress end up looking completely ridiculous.  The other founding members and Tommy Shaw wanted to return to rock music and thought DeYoung was better off on Broadway with Liza than on tour with Styx.  Hence, another rock and roll creative marriage bites the dust. Oh and by and by, DeYoung did end up doing a bunch of New York theater shows (as creative director) and some in Vegas too. 

So, who’s the Badass and who’s the Asswipe?  =  Tie

They’re Both Asswipes.

* yes, I made that up.  Wikipedia that motherfuckers.

Rob Halford from Judas Priest, Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead and Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne talk about Brutal Legend, their in-game counterparts and how metal is supposed to make you invincible. Where the hell’s Lita Ford ?

Alla som brukar dagdrömma räcker upp en hand. Ja jag tänkte väl det. Allihop.

Idag på lunchen tog jag min kopp kaffe och lutade mig tillbaks i kontorsstolen. Jag blev Sveriges nya förbundskapten för en liten stund. Vad hade jag gjort om jag fick ta över ansvaret. Jag hade antagligen skitit rätt ner mig om jag fått frågan men förutom det. Till att börja med hade man nog fått börja med en inventering. Vad har vi för material att leka med? Och vad har vi för material som vi inte kan leka med? Nu har det ju blivit någon form av naturlig pensionering så vissa problem hade löst sig automatiskt. Dock är målvaktsfrågan en stor och jobbig fråga. För Andreas Isaksson vill väl inte lägga av nu? Jag ska suga en stund på den här nöten. Min första startelva inlusive nytt spelsystem presenteras lagom till avspark imorgon.

Jag fick en halvrolig idé på jobbet idag. Jag tänkte att jag skulle ta fram en kollektion kläder för en viss typ av idrottare. Vi har ett gäng rätt duktiga utövare i trakterna som skulle kunna vara testpiloter. Och enligt folk insatta i “branschen” så finns det inga bra kläder. “Bara ihop plock” för att citera. Nu är det väl inte bara att knäppa med fingrarna. Och sen måste ju chefen (eller cheferna) övertalas också.

Läste någonstans att Storbritannien tagit bort undervisningen om förintelsen. På grund av det skulle vara stötande mot den muslimska befolkningen som hävdar att förintelsen aldrig ägt rum. Låter ju helt sjukt. Måste nog forska lite mer i det. Eller är det någon som vet?

Senaste tillskottet i bokhyllan är Lemmys självbiografi. Har läst prologen och jag måste nog säga att det verkar kunna bli riktigt underhållande läsning det här. Inte för att jag gillar Mötorhead. Inte ens nästan faktiskt. Men jag gillar självbiografier. Och min gissning är att Mr Kilmister har en hel del att bjuda på.

ICA reklamen har fått en förklaring. Vet dock inte om jag köper den fullt ut. [artikel]

Nu är det dags att fixa kvällens middag. Korv med bröd låter alldeles strålande. Till det serveras Frölunda-Södertälje. Bättre än så blir det inte en tisdagskväll.

Tips? Ikväll vänder det. 4-1 till Frölunda. Pebben gör två kassar!

Motörhead, the Reverend Horton Heat and Nashville Pussy leave the Vogue Theatre in shambles; October 1^st, 2009.

Rarely does a concert in Vancouver turn into such an indescribably surreal experience. Braving a devastating illness, that’s more than likely the swine flu, I ventured out into the light rain with my fellow metal paraphernalia clad masses to the Vogue. We were all about to experience one of the most absurdly amazing line-ups to ever hit our no fun city. To think, mere months earlier I had travelled all the way to Germany to see them play, and here they were on my turf, about to destroy a historic venue with support from the deep south’s finest. Granted, I had seen all of the bands in question before—but this was different. This was an intimate show in a max 1200 capacity theatre, and the line-up was unbelievable.

Nashville Pussy shreaded through a short and anything but sweet set, truly kicking ass and taking names, raising the bar for the acts to follow. Vancouver’s very own Ruyter Suys launched herself around the stage, making her SG whine just as it was intended, complimented by her husband/fellow guitarist/ frontman Blaine Cartwright, bassist Karen Cuda and drummer Jeremy Thompson, as her mother watched proudly from the front row. The once Grammy nominated quartet was tight as hell, and ripped through classics such as “High As Hell” and “Go Motherfucker Go” as well as catchy new tracks like “I’m So High” featuring Toronto’s Danko Jones from their latest From Hell To Texas. The sex infused, whiskey powered Pussy were anything but a warm-up act, ending their set with Suys breaking all of her guitar strings in a powerful display of feminine ferocity and ear-splitting feedback.

Dallas, Texas’ Reverend Horton Heat brought the Southern charm and their own brand of “country-fed punkabilly” to a surprisingly accepting crowd. Worshipping at the church of psychobilly, the Reverend, bassist Jimbo Wallace and drummer Paul Simmons, proved why the trio has been able to boast such longevity, playing instantly recognizable favourites like “Psychobilly Freakout” and the “Jimbo Song,” while offering up newer tracks from their recently released Laughin’ and Cryin’. The rousing set motivated the expectant crowd to start dancing, many chairs ending up sacrificed as a result. The hip-swinging, hotrod driving, and strikingly classy set provided a perfect contrast between the loudest band on earth and the charismatic openers.

When Motörhead finally hit the stage, the roar of the crowd was equally, if not more, deafening than the band. Almost 34 years down the line, the legendary trio showed why their music has been able to transcend generations, and why so many proudly sport their snaggletooth logo. Frontman Lemmy Kilmister growled compliments at the assortment of concertgoers, who gladly ate it up. Recently returned drummer Mikkey Dee and guitarist Phil Campbell stirred the crowd into a frenzy, sparking several brawls and necessitating the removal of many spirited fighters. The trio blasted through classic after classic with practised ease, songs like “Killed By Death” and “Aces of Spades” loyally screamed along to. Kilmister on harmonica, the band treated the thankful crowd to an acoustic encore of “Whorehouse Blues” after almost 90 minutes of a relentless aural assault.

After a quick but life-altering meet and greet, and a drink with the openers, I went home content. Who knew the cure for the common cold was metal?

-Review and photos by Kristina “Still can’t hear a damn thing” Mameli, (BCIT Alumni – Broadcast Journalism)

Me thinks Lemmy be kidding. Butchya never know.

The 63-year-young Lemmy Kilmister told the Calgary Herald:

“I do still drink a lot. About a bottle of Jack (Daniel’s) a day.”

And drugs?

“I steer clear of talking about it.”

He then goes on to tell the public the difference between bands like Motorhead and Metallica:

“Have you seen (Metallica’s) “Some Kind of Monster”? We don’t do that stuff. We don’t hire expensive psychiatrists to tell us bullshit, either.”

Yes, but I am willing to bet that Metallica members have slightly leaner livers.

The above is, obviously, Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister. I’m not going to say much about the man here because, if you don’t already know about Lemmy, I don’t really want you reading this blog.

The man’s a legend. When I first heard that a documentary about his life was in the works, my interest was piqued. I got legitimately excited, to be honest. How could this not be awesome? It’s Lemmy!

…then, I didn’t hear about it for a while. The website hasn’t been updated for a long time and the trailer up there is over a year old. I had forgotten about it altogether until I read this story from the Calgary Herald today.

Anyway, I want to know what’s going on with this thing. Apparently Lemmy’s only seen parts of it, but it’s still listed as coming out in 2009 on IMDB and wikipedia. It’s almost October, though. Seems a bit late to not have a firm release date or, really, any news at all. Let’s all hope nothing has gone wrong here. The world needs a Lemmy movie.

Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead. ©Angie Knost. All Rights Reserved.

Last night I photographed Motorhead for the second time.  I knew to expect lots of smoke and a very low-contrast shooting situation.   Not ideal, but heck… it’s Motorhead; you couldn’t ask to be among more loyal and devoted fans.    A very friendly, enthusiastic woman in the front row  hugged me, just because I was photographing Lemmy, which made me “awesome”.   (Kudos are always welcome: thank you, nice Motorhead-fan-lady, you’re awesome, too).

Last year when I shot Motorhead, I stayed on Lemmy’s non-warty side exclusively (his right).  This year I got brave and shot from the warty side,  too.  It wasn’t so bad.  Kind of mysterious-like… maybe similar  to venturing to the dark side of the moon. ?!? 

Pictured here are some highlights from the show.  Please note that their usual drummer Mikkey Dee is temporarily involved with another project, so Matt Sorum of Velvet Revolver was on the stix.

Motorhead's Lemmy. ©Angie Knost. All Rights Reserved.

Phil of Motorhead. ©Angie Knost. All Rights Reserved.

Matt Sorum drumming for Motorhead. ©Angie Knost. All Rights Reserved.

Motorhead at The Pageant in St Louis. © Angie Knost. All Rights Reserved.

See more pics from this show here: http://rocksandwich.com/site/#/gallery/motorhead/  .

Find out more about Motorhead at their official site:  http://www.imotorhead.com

Fun Q&A with metal madman Lemmy ran in tbt* Tampa Bay Times. 

Few men — if any — are more qualified to discuss sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll than Kilmister. The 63-year-old cracked the Top 10 on the Maxim ”Living Legends of Sex” list, has never stopped partying and owns a Grammy. When Kilmister answered the phone at his home in Los Angeles, it was late afternoon and the English rock icon sounded as if he had just stumbled out of bed. Affable and candid, Kilmister often punctuated his ribald responses with a raspy, swashbuckler chuckle.

Continue reading.

Slightly more explicit version posted on Soundcheck.

KAUNISTA EMINEM BEAUTIFUL BIISIÄ…RÄPPI ON MAHTAVAA,,

KOVA KAKKA SATTUU….AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

HMMMMMM ,,,,,KAIKKEE PITÄÄ OLLA!!!!

PAPPA AIKA TOSISSAA…MUISTA HENGITTÄÄ!!

Newyorkilainen lääkäri John D. Clarke on ottanut uudenlaisen aseen käyttöön taistelussa sikainfluenssaa vastaan.

- H1N1 Swine flu infection, for intervention, I bring prevention, Clarke riimittelee videolla.

Räppärilääkäristä Suomessa kertoneen Mediuutisten mukaan Clarke osallistuu esityksellään Yhdysvaltain terveysviranomaisten järjestämään kilpailuun, jossa etsitään uusia keinoja sikainfluenssan pysäyttämiseksi.
Clarke on päässyt jo kilpailun finaaliin. Voittaja ratkeaa 16. syyskuuta. Parhaalle videolle on luvassa valtakunnallinen levityssopimus.

MÄÄ EN VAIHTAS LÄÄKÄRINPALKKAA RÄPPÄRINPALKKAAN,,,,,,VAI OLISKO SE NIINKU TIÄXÄÄ YHTEENSÄ???? RÄPPÄRILÄÄKÄRI ELI LÄÄKÄRIPALKKA+RÄPPÄRIPALKKA = BLING KÖYHÄT KYYKKYY VITTU BLING!!!!!

KÄÄPIÖ HILLARY HULK????? KAIKKEE PITÄÄ OLLA,,,

REENIÄ HORO REENIÄ….PIDÄ TOI ASENNE!!!!

MIKÄS TOI REKKARI NY ONKAAA….????????

Lemmyn

tuttu

näyttelee

PlayMe-

musikaalissa

Svenska Teaternin jättisatsauksessa, nuorisomusikaali PlayMe:ssä esiintyvä Marco Luponero on mies, jolle Motörheadin Lemmy Kilmister on tarjonnut suklaata.

- Olen tavannut Lemmyn useasti. Hän on todellinen herrasmies ja kauhean mukava tyyppi siviilissä.

Metallibändi Altarian laulaja-kitaristi kertoo kaveruutensa Motörheadin johtohahmon kanssa alkaneen siitä, kun mies heitti 1990-luvun lopulla keikkansa päätteeksi aurinkolasinsa yleisöön. Luponero sai lasit, mutta hänen kaverinsa eivät uskoneet niiden kuuluneen legendaariselle laulajalle.

- Kaverini teki lopputyönsä siitä, kun lähdin palauttamaan laseja Lemmylle Tukholmaan. Dokkarin nimeksi tuli Lemmy’s shades.

Pari vuotta sitten Luponero vei Lemmylle hänen maalaamansa taulun bändin maskotista Snaggletoothista.

- Lemmy oli niin otettu siitä, että tarjosi keikkansa jälkeen Jack Daniels -suklaata ja -viskiä.

Maria Sidin ohjaama popmusikaali saa ensi-iltansa keskiviikkona Helsingissä.

HAIPPIA KAI SEO TOIKI,,GROUPIE PÄÄSSY MUSIKAALIIN,,,EIVAA MÄÄ OON VAA KADE KU ENO PÄÄSSY JUOMAA LEMMYN KANS JACKKIÄ VIELÄ……HAHAHAAAA,,,

ROADPIZZAA,,,,,

ERDJAN VISKICOLAA,,,HIENOA MUSIIKKIA,,,

JÄYNÄ PMMP RUSKETUSRAITAAA,,,,NO HOMO,,,

KOKO TEKILAPULLO JA BLANDIKSENA AURINKORASVAA???,,OLO VOI OLLA AIKA VITUN RAPEE KU TOSTA HERÄÄ…HUH,,,VITTU MÄÄ HALUUN JONNEKKI LÄMPIMÄÄN NYT!!!!!!!

Robbie Williams:
“Kartanossani kummittelee” Poptähti Robbie Williamsin kartanossa kummittelee kuningas Henry kahdeksannen vaimo.

NONI,,,VÄHEMMÄN KRÄKKIÄ NYT ROBBIE…VITTU MUN KÄMPÄSSÄ KUMMITTELEE VÄHINTÄÄNKI JOKAVIIKONLOPPU KAIKENMAAILMAN VITUN LISKOT JA MUUT,,,!!!!!!!! ERIHOMMIA,,,

SIIS KOSKAVAA MILLONVAA,,,JAA MIKÄ SOTA???

MAHTAVAN LEFFAN MAHTAVA KOHTAUS,,,MR LYNCH ON NERO,!!!!,,

Daria para encaixar as belas imagens abaixo em pelo menos três categorias diferentes: versão brasileira Herbert Richards (por poder ser uma versão nacional/gringa), capatacoada (pela, óbvia, beleza das capas dos álbuns!) e you gotta keep’ em separated (pela similaridade!).

Então, vocês decidem!

Lita, Lita Ford, 1987, Londres — rock, hard rock & hair metal.

Curiosidades do disco: dueto com Ozzy Osbourne em Close My Eyes Forever, Lemmy Kilmister, do Motörhead, e Nikki Sixx, do Mötley Crüe, são co-autores de, respectivamente, Can’t Catch Me e Falling In And Out Of Love.

Fogo Na Mistura, Elba Ramalho, 1985, Paraíba — forró, baião & hair xote.

Curiosidades do disco: Contém o sucesso De Volta Pro Aconchego, de Dominguinhos e Nando Cordel, presente na trilha sonora da clássica Roque Santeiro, novela da Rede Grobo. Há ainda Desassossego de Moraes Moreira, e o lindo verso na faixa-título: vai de vento em popa / sai com pouca roupa / que o calor pode aumentar….

Suomen rujoin räppäri Petri Nygård tekee comebackin. Jokaiseen suuntaan päätään aukovan Nygårdin neljäs studioalbumi saadaan ulos viimeistään pukinkonttiin.

Kolmas albumi kantaa nimeä Kaikkee pitää olla, ja sisältö on tuttua, räävintöntä sylkemistä.

Nygårdin ensimmäinen, potin räjäyttänyt Mun levy! ilmestyi vuonna 2000, jonka jälkeen hän julkaisi vielä kaksi albumillista menestyksetöntä uhoa. Hiljaiselo alkoi vuonna 2002.

Mitä  vi**ua, Petri Nygård?

”Mitä vi**ua tässä. Mitä itse? Nyt ei ollut muutakaan tekemistä, ja biisejä on aina kiva tehdä. Kaikki nykyinen musiikki on tylsää, ja minulla oli tylsää. Jotakin oli tehtävä.”

Asteikolla 1–10, kuinka hyvä räppäri olet?

”Suomen paras. Parempi kuin kaikki muut. Lähimmäksi yltää Cheek. Hän on tämän hetkisistä suomalaisista räppäreistä kovin.”

Olet luvannut julkaista kymmenen levyä. Milloin tavoite on täytetty?

”Vaikea sanoa. En ole asettanut itselleni aikataulua. En edes tiedä, monesko levy nyt on tulossa ulos. Materiaalia kyllä riittää, siitä se ei ole kiinni. Olemme nauhoittaneet yli 20 biisiä, emmekä tiedä, montako on menossa levylle.

En tiedä, vaikka kaikki levyt tulisivat ulos ensi vuoden aikana. Minulle tämä on helppoa, mutta kuuntelijat tarvitsevat hieman taukoa.”

Onko laman ja comebackisi välillä yhteys?

”Olen naureskellut tälle itsekin. Eikö silloinkin ollut lama, kun nousin suosioon. Hetkinen, ei ollutkaan. Suomi tarvitsee piristystä tähän tylsään ja tasapaksuun paskaan.

Uuden levyni sinkkulohkaisussa on riimi liittyen asiaan: Kaikki ihmettelee, mitä vitun kamaa / Mää vaan lihon, mikä vitun lama.”

Mikset pyri Big Brother -taloon?

”En tulisi kestämään sitä. Olen liian rehellinen ja suora ihminen sinne. En voittaisi kuitenkaan. Katson kyllä sarjaa. Se on helvetin mielenkiintoinen ohjelma.”

Milloin vitsi on liian pitkä?

”Silloin kun se ei enää naurata. Vai oliko tämä kompa?”

Mitkä  ovat kolme tärkeintä asiaa elämässäsi?

”Internet, viina ja pi**u. Voisin laittaa sinne musiikinkin, jos saisin laittaa neljännen.”

Mitä  teet, kun olet yksin kotona?

”Surffaan netissä, ru*kkaan, katson leffoja, kirjoitan riimejä, poltan suitsukkeita, syön sipsejä.”

Pyrit toisella levylläsi presidentiksi. Kuinka Suomen pitäisi ratkaista kahden lautasen ongelma?

”Mikä ongelma? Pyrin presidentiksi, jotta saisin valtaa ja kunniaa. Politiikasta en tiedä mitään.

Vuoden 2010 versio levystä  voisi olla Petri eduskuntaan. Kansanedustajilla on hyvät palkat ja he voivat luvata mitä vaan, eikä tarvitse pitää lupauksia.”

Mikä  on lempikirjasi?

”White line fever, Lemmy Kilmisterin omaelämäkerta. En ole koskaan lukenut hirveästi kirjoja, mutta nyt olen harjoitellut.”

Ensimmäisellä  levylläsi puhut koko ajan Nylon Beatista. Millä  nykypäivän yhtyeellä täytät tyhjiön?

”Se oli silloin Mun levyn! aikaan, kun Nylon Beat oli hirveästi esillä. Nyt Jonna ja Erin ovat hirveästi rupsahtaneet ja lihoneet. Muilla levyillä siirryin muihin naisiin. Nyt on uudet kujeet mielessä.”

Kun kirjoitat nettiin, kirjoitat CapsLock-pohjassa. Miksi?

”En osaa pieniä ja isoja kirjaimia enkä pilkkuja ja muita. Jos kirjoittaa väärin, niin joku kuitenkin alkaa marista. On paras kirjoittaa kaikki isolla.

En osaa kaunokirjaimiakaan. Kun kirjoitan käsin, kirjoitan tikkukirjaimilla. Niillä on helpompi kirjoittaa.”

Kuulutko kirkkoon?

”Taidan kuulua toistaiseksi. Olen harkinnut eroamista. Minulla on yhtä kylmä suhde kirkkoon kuin politiikkaan. En fiilistele.

Nyt minulla on ollut kova Slayer-vaihe päällä. Kun kuuntelee Christ Illusion – ja God hates us all -levyjä, miettii asioita hyvin uudella tavalla. Satanisti en kuitenkaan ole. Ja Slayerin historian luin myös vasta.”

Kerro terveisiä  Paavo Arhinmäelle?

”Mitähän minä hänelle sanoisin, kun en tiedä, kuka hän on. Hän voi laittaa minulle Facebookissa friend requestin, niin näen, kuka hän on.”

Mikä  on mottosi?

”Tällä hetkellä se on kaikkee pitää olla. Joskus mottoni oli kaikkea pitää kokeilla, joukossa voi olla hyviäkin.”

Myös Tehosekoitin teki paluun. Puhuuko raha?

”Totta kai puhuu. Mutta kun muistaa, kuinka paljon levyt myyvät tänä päivänä, voi sanoa, ettei raha puhukaan. Kaikki musiikki ladataan netistä.

Myin ensimmäisellä levylläni kultaa ja sinkkuni myivät kultaa ja platinaa, mutta rahani ovat loppuneet jo aikaa sitten. Tehosekoittimesta en tiedä, mutta minä olen pers auki.”

Mitä  olet tehnyt viimeiset kuusi vuotta?

”Renkiduunari painaa duunia tietenkin. Olen tehnyt musaa, matkustellut ja niitä asioita joita teen yksin.”

Eppu Normaali on vieläkin suositumpi kuin sinä.

”Uskomatonta, mutta näin on. He ovat tunkeneet ulos saman levyn joka vuosi viimeisen kymmenen vuoden ajan. Silti he ovat suosittuja edelleen. Hieno homma.

Eppujen pari ensimmäistä  levyä oli hyviä. Se oli silloin, kun he olivat nähneet Ramonesin ja ottaneet vaikutteita. Heidän olisi pitänyt pysyä sillä linjalla eikä aikuistua ja tylsistyä.”

Keksi tälle jutulle otsikko.

”Mikä se ensimmäinen kysymys oli? Se on hyvä otsikko. Se kuvastaa tilannettani: juuri se on reaktio, kun tulen takavasemmalta yllättäen.”

En 2004 Dave Grohl e Lemmy Kilmister uniron forzas cando o líder dos Foo Fighters o chamou para poñerlle a voz ao tema  ‘Shake Your Blood’ do seu proxecto en solitario chamado Probot no cal rendía homenaxe a bandas de heavy metal dos 80 contando con un cnatante distinto para cada tema.

A canción foi o único single extraído do álbum e o videoclip, onde aparecen rodeados de Suicide Girls,  pronto se converteu nun éxito na MTV.

Probot - Shake Your Blood (Uncensored Video)

Foo Fighters ft. Lemmy – Shake Your Blood (Live at Hyde Park)

Foo Fighters ft. Lemmy – I’ll Be Your Sister (Live at MTV VMA)

Monday Night Raw
Monday, July 13
Orlando, FL

“TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!” phlegms Lemmy Kilmister as Motorhead lurch through another royalty check in the thud ‘n’ gloom-chowder of Triple H’s entrance music. But it ain’t game time just yet; Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s got something to get off his Greenwich-educated chest. “Wow!” he exclaims as all of Orlando dribbles a red carpet for his grizzled majesty.

If they thought the sight of a wrestler at a wrestling event was exciting, he had even bigger news: Hold onto those Disney World wifebeaters, ’cause tonight’s guest host, unlike emcees of previous weeks, is an actual Hollywood celebrity: the star of Woody Allen’s Radio Days, Seth Green! “I am thrilled beyond imagination,” hiccoughs the carrot-topped delight, hawking the impending return of his stop-mo cathode brainchild, Robot Chicken, which stars in its season premiere, of all people, Triple H himself! Orlando and all of us in TV Heaven are treated to a sneak peek of an uproarious sequence featuring the grappler’s clay doppelganger locking adobe with child star Dakota Fanning.

But it’s about to get funnier when Green disparages world heavyweight champion Randy Orton as a “whiny little girl,” which doesn’t sit well with the stewing belt slinger, who fumes ringward to confront his tormentors. He scoffs contemptuously at this tiny Tinseltown interloper and accuses him of cowardice. Thus goaded, Seth, in addition to masterminding a 6-Diva Summer Swimsuit Spectacular, books a clash of wills between Orton and his thugs of choice (the Legacy duo of Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase XVII) and his own team of Triple H and John Cena. It’s a three-way gimmick for the ages. Don’t do it, Seth!

6-Diva Summer Swimsuit Spectacular
Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim/Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox/Maryse
We’re off to a cocoa-buttered start with the tight-fitting pinkness hugging the blessed curves of one Kelly Kelly. Luckily, the girls travel with their best expensive frillies for just such a brainstorm — the machinations of an impulsive horndog guest host. Gail Kim and Rosa Mendes are especially incensed at each other for wearing the same color (retinae-deadening white). All the shapely hues of velour and fringe cascade and collide until only the vinyl-coiled person of Maryse remains with her sworn arch-nemesis, Mickie James. Despite her evasions over the past few weeks, Maryse ably tosses her foe about the canvas until finally tucking her in.

Winner: Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox/Maryse

Backstage, Seth recovers from his confrontation with Orton by contending with the demands of Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, who is currently adrift as his partner Edge recuperates from a real-life ruptured Achilles tendon — and prefers it that way! Jericho regards Green with bourgeois disgust over his curled lip but allows the actor/comedian to plug his Robot Chicken DVD and bus tour. After all, everyone’s a showman here. Bills paid, Jericho bats him with a few more condescending nouns: drone, parasite. Green orders him to skedaddle before reaching rapscallion or pustule. Immune to the guest host’s omniscience, Y2J sticks around.

Primo vs. The Miz
America’s celebrated its independence all this month, but Primo’s got no reason to hail his separation from brother/partner Carlito, who got sick of losing and nulled the union physically last week. Primo demands an explanation, satisfaction, but none is forthcoming. He’s first beseiged by the preening Miz, then Carlito finally saunters toward the ring as strategic distraction. It works. The Miz takes advantage and plants Primo like a petunia. Miz takes his smug leave, then Carlito leaps in to spit apple shards into his fallen brother’s face.

Winner: The Miz

From Apple Jacks to Lucky Charms — the leprechaun pixie Hornswoggle is understandably nervous about his match with Chavo Guerrero, but Seth assures the vibra-mite that his taller opponent won’t have any distinct advantage, since he’ll have an arm lashed behind his back. The ecstatic Hornswoggle heel-clicks back to his rainbow as that giant hamhock Big Show trundles into frame with his best Dr. Evil.

MVP vs. Jack Swagger
Last week MVP humiliated the all-American Swagger on the former’s VIP Lounge segment, and the latter’s down for revenge. Swagger, of course, is a twist on the unimpeachable Jack Armstrong, a cultural figure no wrestling fan under 86 remembers: a Wheaties-shitting representative of the master race, updated here with a fistful of mousse. MVP goes street as punctuation, responding to flurry of legit wrestling manuevers with an old-fashioned bitchslap. Swagger loses his composure and folds the straight-baller into a power bomb for the win.

Winner: Jack Swagger

“BREAK THE WALL!” demands Chris Jericho’s welcome-mat strut, but tonight he’s gonna wish he had an entire bricklayers union at his disposal. He enters the ring dressed for business, not for business, informing the unscrubbed dolts spitting raspberries all over his tailored suit that he’s in the market for a new partner now that his old one’s proven unsuited to the rigors of hanging with Y2J. His soft-sell is interrupted by Mark Henry, the World’s Strongest Man, who makes sure his arrogant quarry is locked safely in his embrace before confessing, “I didn’t come out here to be your partner.” He then peels man from suit into a facsimile of ring-appropriate attire, inspiring Seth to declare it an official, sanctioned match. (Oh, shoot: Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry!). J doesn’t stick around to see how it ends, although the various takeoffs and landings he endures before escaping offer valuable insight.

Winner: Mark Henry (by countout)

Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero
Poor Chavo — he’s replaced Santino as WWE’s resident hapless heel. Not only is he forced to stagger (not swagger) one-armed around a ring, his suplex attempt is somehow reversed by a man with gumdrops for legs.

Winner: Hornswoggle

Off in the locker room, Randy Orton congratulates henchman Ted DiBiase for thwarting Ted DiBiase Sr.’s attempt to dissolve the Legacy gang with a stinging rebuke across the paterfamilias kisser. Cody Rhodes drops by with some scuttlebutt about next week’s guest host, reportedly his father, Dusty Rhodes. Orton talks strategy for the main event. “Whatever you do,” he warns, “don’t touch Seth Green,” adding ominously, “I’m gonna take him out personally.”

Evan Bourne vs. The Big Show
U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston gossips ringside as the Big Show swats at an airborne gnat for ten minutes. “Stay out of the way” is the thrust of Kingston’s advice, which isn’t very effective considering the size of both the ring and the caged beast within. Evan’s like a stray cat trapped in an alley as a skyscraper closes in. He attempts a desperate missile kick from the top rope but succeeds only in chiseling a dimple into the Big Show’s chin. Riled, the giant bends him into a Colossal Clutch. Evan manages one last scream before he’s separated from his torso.

Winner: The Big Show (submission)

Hey, it’s Santino! He bravely clashes with the Iron Sheik, mercilessly dispatching the legend and winning the affections of Trish Stratus. The only problem is she’s plastic, and so is he. It’s just action-figure make-believe, Santino’s audition for Robot Chicken. Seth Green seems unimpressed — until his partners amble in to prepare him for the grand finale. John Cena and Triple H bicker over who gets to protect his scrawny hide (hell, even Kevin Connolly kicked his ass on Entourage!) before they both concede he’s dead meat anyway, making it a moot point. Which means he’ll be perfect for next week’s Raw barbecue hosted by Dusty Hill (not Rhodes) and Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top! Turnbuckle fuzz!

Cody Rhodes/TedDiBiase/Randy Orton vs. Seth Green/Triple H/John Cena
Seth’s got legs and he knows how to use them, but he keeps them on lockdown for much of the match. He may have entered cockily to Guns N’ Roses’ “Welcome to the Jungle,” but Ma Green raised no fools. He isn’t tagged until Cody Rhodes has been pickled comatose and restrained by Cena. Seth raps the dizzy Rhodes in the jaw and gets chased in circles for his troubles. Cena’s tagged back in and immediately thrashed into groggy comeback mode, requiring a Triple H cooldown to stave the orgasm. Pandemonium ensues with fists brushing every corner of the flatscreen until only Orton and Triple H remain in the ring. The Legend Killer games the Game into an RKO, but Seth stops the three-count with a textbook cheap drop, turning Orton’s snake eyes salsa with rage. He attempts to punt Seth back to his Can’t Hardly Wait salary, but is thwarted by Cena, who in turn is pounded again into manburger. In an eyeblink the ring turns into a furniture store manned by some rather aggressive salesmen until Triple H clears everyone out with an implement he swiped from the toolshed. He swings with gusto like he’s laying a railroad through the arena, even tapping Cena in the breadbasket for good measure. But before the two can dissolve into blows, Seth emerges, the perfect Hollywood ending. Fade, cut, print.

Winners: Seth Green/Triple H/John Cena