From Thoughts During Her Last Days

All parent-child relationships are special but there is something about the mother and son kind that defies description.  Mother-daughter relationships are the most complex.  Father-daughter relationships are also special but seem not as consistent. I could be the most contemptible scoundrel in the world but only my mother would    would come to see me on visiting day. This is not arrogance. Mothers do those things.

In past times I had occasionally and arrogantly believed that I must be my mother’s only bright spot in her tough world.  However, as I grew older and left home I mostly felt remorse for not being more helpful and caring and available to her as she grew older.

Was my mom the very best mom in the world? There were worse moms and there were better moms. She made choices that made life harder for herself,  her six children, and her husband. She also did great with what she had.  As the time increases  since her death I find her less culpable for anything I thought was her mistake. As I think about it, she didn’t make any mistakes at all  as defined by my myiopic view. My eyesight has  improved with time but I can’t release my past because I haven’t understood it yet.

This Letters from Mom post is an effort to know her better.  She was Eleanor T. Larson who always did her dead level best.   If I stop doing my very best in this life she dies. I cannot let that happen.

Monday  September 4, 1973

Dear Ones – How in the world are you – it has been so long now since we heard . I’m sure that busy, busy is the word. Doc- you’ve been our intern over two nearly three months in fact. I trust that all is going well & try to think positive. I’m sorry to say I was ill for a week. Dr thought food poisoning, but I feel certain I had a virus.  It acted that way and a lot of students have been sick with it. Pat and R. were here for the weekend. They seem to be pretty well situated at Ft. L. Wood – Have 3  bedroom house for $121 per month. Pat is proud to have Dishwasher and garbage disposal.

Celia has everything about ready for school at Ft Lauderdale in Dec; Her grant is there now.  She doesn’t know(the tuition) as this is 1st year for it. – and at lunch she went to get some papers notarized relative to her loans. She’ll have so much to take that I’ll probably go down there with her for a couple of days. We’ll probably take the train from Fulton or Paris. Will have to plan further and she continues to work @ Begleys. Freya called Celia this A.M. She’s really all mixed up. Is taking a course at Ill. and doesn’t like her teacher. She’s losing 9 hours from Murray. — Bought a car for $200 to get to Gary. She’s trying to get a job as a teacher’s aid in Gary. Says she doesn’t like restaurant work. Celia and I wish that you could talk with her. Celia said, “Mom, Buddy can see right through me. I wish she could talk to him.” Susan got her tonsils out. Diane said that she is really fine. Her voice is different; sounds like a little bell. No congestion in chest, no snoring or difficult breathing! Wonderful Her tonsils were very large and the Dr removed a large amount of adenoid tissue . John was in Murray this A.M. to get a record from the house. He came in library & talked a few minutes. Kathy is working as a teachers aid at Jackson School in Pad. They have a cute 4 room apt. Must go to P.O.  This place is Grand Central Station —–more later

Love mom

(August 24th 2009)

On The First Day of Ramadhan

One day when U R 4 years old,we went to the supermarket and we both were fasting,seorang bule berkata “seems like every body is having a big dinner tonight,what are they celebrating?”.

I said “2day is the first day of the fasting month,my 4 years old lovely daughter is fasting right now,from 5 morning to 6 evening,about 14 hours.”

Si bule terperanjat,”14 hours no food n no water allowed?” “Yes,not even a drop 0f water.”  He asked,”can human stand it without dying? never,never and never.” “Oh yes we can”.

Nah,sekarangpun kamu bisa dakwahkan hal ini (mengenai puasa) kepada lingkungan terdekatmu,OK?

On Me Watching Harry Potter for “free” (not proud of it after this email :p)

Lucu2 ya kelakuan orang2 dari developing countries seperti ceritamu itu.
Makanya yg pertama masuk surga adalah orang yg paling adil diantara
kamu. Adil dalam arti memberikan hak orang lain sekalipun dia tidak
meminta,bahkan diapun tak tahu bhw itu haknya.

After Complaining to her about My Bikram Yoga Sores

kamu harus sering latihan pillates yg ringan2 aja setiap hari spy
lentur dan jg gak terlalu Endutttttt.don’t forget much fruits n
vegetables everyday.

mesjid AL Fajri setelah diprotes sejuta ummat,akhirnya mengecilkan
suara yg kearah kita,jd agak tenang lah,gak bising kayak pasar malam
lagi.yg belum bisa diatur adl suara petasan anak2 kampung yg sok bakar
duit.

Sudah dulu ya,aku mau terawih ni,biasa,dirumah,dan sendirian,love u…………….