Have you ever felt as though you were falling down the rabbit hole of life? I’ve felt a little out of it, lately. Couple of reasons why:

• Seasonal change…big reason. It’s Connecticut, it’s the holidays, it’s snowing. Winter is setting in in a big way this weekend. Sometimes winter can be happy, but sometimes it can be dismal and isolating.
• I’ve had a big work environment change in the last 3 weeks: gone from full-time freelancing for a pretty aggressive Internet Marketing clientele into a corporate contract job. I feel very removed from my familiar online web copywriting “trenches,” a little off my beaten path, but definitely for the better–career-wise.
• And then I have a living change coming up… moving. That’s always a biggie.

I’m getting to the book I’m reading…

While I was wandering around in Barnes and Noble last week I picked up this book:

Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzalez. It’s not new. It’s not made the New York Times Bestseller List (even though it should have). Published back in 2003, Deep Survival is about this: “Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why.” Heavy stuff it is.

It simply caught my eye from some non-descript shelf in a section of the store I can’t even recall right now. I turned the softcover over to read the back:

In Deep Survival Laurence Gonzalez combines hard science and powerful storytelling to illuminate the mysteries of survival, whether in the wilderness or in meeting any of life’s great challenges. This gripping narrative, the first book to describe the art and science of survival, will change the way you see your world. Everyone has a mountain to climb. Everyone has a wilderness inside.

Then I opened the book somewhere in the middle and read this:

By his third night lost in the wild, when Killip awoke amid the hailstones at the foot of Terra Tomah Mountain, he had arguably passed through the stages of denial (descending the wrong drainage), panic (climbing up the dangerous scree slope), and strategic planning (attempting to backtrack), and was well into the penultimate stage of deterioration. But he did not succumb to resignation.

That happens in a lot of cases (including big companies, troubled marriages, sick people, lost souls). There are great survivors and helpless victims on the curve of human ability. Most of us are neither. Most of us fall somewhere in between and may perform poorly at first, then find the inner resources to return to correct action and clear thought. If the object of the game is survival, that will do….

Killip pulled himself together….He made a fire and built a makeshift shelter…(both were things he should have done the first day…). For the next two days, he stayed put and attended to the business of adapting to the environment, keeping the organism in balance, the process called survival. Killip had entered the final stage that separates the quick from the dead: not helpless resignation but a pragmatic acceptance of–and even wonder at– the world in which he found himself….He had discovered the first Rule of Life: Be here now.

This particular guy–”Killip”– was rescued, but not until after he’d made himself at home in the wilderness and stopped expecting rescue. Gonazalez’s book is full of stories of disasters and near disasters, people who have fallen off the face of cliffs and even lost their way on what might have been considered a simple afternoon hike. But far deeper than the grit of the stories is the way he carefully dissects each incident’s set-up. His hypothesis: there are no such things as accidents. Our experiences, our emotions, the way we interact with our world, even our beliefs, all play key roles in getting us lost in the wilderness, involved in a mountain climbing accident or lost at sea. Somehow we got ourselves there.

So back to my own personal sense of “out of it” and off my familiar beaten path. This book finally brings full circle the idea that many of the same emotional and psychological deterioration that often takes place in an individual lost in the wilderness are some of the same that can afflict us during difficult times in our lives. We can approach our lives as survival situations.

Given the current state of …. things, it’s a relevant message. And it’s a great read. Here’s a “testimonial” from the front cover of the book (cuz it’s all about the testimonial and really this clinched the book buy for me):

‘I tore through Deep Survival like I’d been waiting to read it my whole life….’ – Sebastian Junger, author of The Perfect Storm

(It sucks that in this day and age I have to say this: I am not making money from this post, I have nothing to gain should you be compelled to go buy this book.  Buy it, don’t buy it, borrow it from the library, whatever, but it’s a compelling book with very valid arguments that apply to my life…maybe yours too).

Any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you. . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.

Carlos Castaneda

What will I be doing tomorrow? Where will I be? With whom will I be? While I can’t predict the future, of course, I do know that the answers to these questions to a great extent depend on what I do today, on decisions I make about which road to get on right here, right now. There is, of course, no right or wrong road, and we may end up going down several different roads for different aspects of our lives, but we do have many decisions to make.

I do like Castaneda’s idea of paths having heart, though, for that gives us a very important criterion for choosing the paths that will take us into our futures. To me, the idea of a path having heart means that the path is one that will lead me to compassion, to love, to caring, to the better parts of myself. If a path has no heart, then it will be empty and barren, and while it may lead me to a certain outcome, I will learn very little there and I’ll be able to share little of who I am.

We choose paths every day. Today I will choose certain paths in certain relationships, in my job, in my personal life, in my education. And if I can look at those paths closely and objectively, I can make a difference in how my tomorrows turn out when they become todays, for if I’m on heart-filled path, it will bring out the better parts of who I am. And that, to me, is the most important part of anything I do.

A further thought:

If we are spiritual beings on a human path rather than human beings who may be on a spiritual path, then life is not only a journey but a pilgrimage or quest as well.

Jean Shinoda Bolen

Who: EVERYONE’s invited – bring friends and family (they can shop online too)

What: Boutique Open House including Pampered Chef, Private Quarters, Cookie Lee Jewelry and a scrapbooking vendor. Lots of specials and deals to help you get ready for the holiday!

When: Saturday, December 5, 2009
10am until 2pm

Where: 4901 E Hearn Road
Scottsdale, AZ  85254

Why: To offer great deals to you and your friends and help you get some of that holiday shopping out of the way in a quick, easy, relaxing atmosphere. And we’ll have lots of refreshments available. Want to book a party? – Let the ladies know – the hostess specials are always fantastic!!

Come out and have some fun before the holiday shopping gets the best of you!

RSVP: email Jenifer@KellyDepp.com to let her know how many are coming so she has enough food for everyone.

Hope to see you there!

Restaurants used to be customer focused; however, it seems more and more that they are becoming self-focused. The two restaurants I have visited in the past few days have changed. Maybe it’s not the restaurants…maybe it’s just the waitstaff. Whatever it is, I don’t like it.

The restaurant on Sunday morning is known for it’s delicious food. There is always a wait and there’s a reason. However, one member of our party ordered his food a little different. When it came to the table…the attitude was have it our way or forget it. Even after sending it back to have them get it right…it came back the exact same way it was delivered the first time. And the waitress really didn’t care. All she wanted was for everyone at the table to say everything was great. She was shocked when the man very eloquently told her off.

Last night, we visited a restaurant that I used to love. I could complete mix it up and order what I wanted how I wanted it. I don’t know if it’s the waitress or the restaurant changing it’s policy; however, I will not return to that restaurant again. To tell me that I can’t have my dinner the way I want it is completely ridiculous. I am the customer, aren’t I? And my boyfriend ordered his meal with all vegetables, no rice. Well, she didn’t bring out any potatoes – which are fantastic at this restaurant. When he asked where his potatoes were, she informed him that he had asked for all vegetables. I’m sorry, but doesn’t the majority of America include potatoes in the vegetable category? We all know it’s a starch…but it’s still listed under vegetables for the vast majority of us.

I used to wonder why so many restaurants are having a hard time making it these days. However, if my last two experiences are any indication then I have to say that I am no longer in the dark. It’s plain and simple: give the customer what they want and and you will stay in business.

Who: EVERYONE’s invited – bring friends and family (they can shop online too)

What: Boutique Open House including Pampered Chef, Private Quarters, Cookie Lee Jewelry and a scrapbooking vendor. Lots of specials and deals to help you get ready for the holiday!

When: Saturday, December 5, 2009
10am until 2pm

Where: 4901 E Hearn Road
Scottsdale, AZ  85254

Why: To offer great deals to you and your friends and help you get some of that holiday shopping out of the way in a quick, easy, relaxing atmosphere. And we’ll have lots of refreshments available. Want to book a party? – Let the ladies know – the hostess specials are always fantastic!!

Come out and have some fun before the holiday shopping gets the best of you!

RSVP: email Jenifer@KellyDepp.com to let her know how many are coming so she has enough food for everyone.

Hope to see you there!

Yes, it was a bit cool yesterday, but it was a beautiful day and it was fantastic to be out on the bike. There is nothing that clears my head better than being on the bike. I stop over-analyzing everything and start just being.

When we’re on the bike, everything that has been on my mind, bothering me or getting on my nerves just seems to disappear. It’s me, my boyfriend and the bike. That’s all that matters and that’s all I care about in those moments.

Riding is always better when you’re with friends. We had a great breakfast at Butterfield’s in Scottsdale; however, if you don’t want your food the way they decide to prepare it…you’re SOL. I have to say that I’ve never heard someone put a waitress in their place in a more simple, honest manner than I did yesterday. Bed service, good food.

After the restaurant experience, we headed down through the Central Corridor to South Mountain, rode to the summit then hit the 51 and beat the rain back home. Curling up by a fire with hot cocoa, we ended the day watching a movie.

It just doesn’t get better than that. Hope you all had a great holiday.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there… to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower or heart.

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity….. all occurs to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.

Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen.

Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you.

Create your own life and then go out and live it.

There was something that Annabelle Brayley, last week’s ‘chick’, wrote that especially resonated with me….and I quote -  ‘Your life is in your hands’ ……I don’t know who said it first but we’re all responsible for our own destinies.

I think as rural people it is easy sometimes to leave things as they are, not make hard decisions or simply do what makes someone else happy.  I am sure that you, like me, can think of many examples of people who are involved in family businesses because they didn’t know what to do when they left school and went home, or others who keep repeating a destructive pattern because someone else is ‘doing it’ …..  Like Annabelle, I too believe that everything is a choice!  Some choices are very hard to make, but not making them also constitutes a decision!!

Stephen Covey’s first principal (7 habits of Highly Effective People) is ‘be proactive’ – This is the ability to control one’s environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to decide your response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances.

How do you stack up in this area?  If you need to fine tune a little (which we all do sometimes, in varying degrees) buy some books or CD’s and start to relearn the skills or processes you need.  Covey is a great way to start…

I know someone who says learning to be proactive  is a bit like learning to ride a bike – hard to start with, you incur some bumps and bruises, but as you get better at it you start to gather speed and soon you are whizzing along…..

Chick from the Sticks Profile – Sandy Blackburn-Wright

Sandy Blackburn-Wright - author, activist, mentor....

I am a ‘Chick from the Sticks’ because I was born in the small town of Yeoval, in Central NSW, where my parents had a diary farm (in the middle of a wheat belt – go figure – but someone has to deliver the milk).  We left the farm when my brother and I needed to start school but my grandparents owned the farm next door, so we used to go back and visit them.  I have vivid memories of my brother and I playing Ned Kelly a rocky outcrop across the road from their farmhouse.

3 traits that I contribute to my rural connections are

• honesty
• perseverance
• hope

Currently I am the Head of the Organisational Mentoring Programme for the Westpac Group, whereby we partner up with Not-for-profit organisations over several years and bring any skills our employees have to support the long term sustainability of those partners.  Those partners include Queensland Rural Women’s Network, Australian Indigenous Leadership Centre, CanTeen, Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, Camp Quality and the Inspire Foundation.  Clearly, I have the best job in Westpac.

In my career I have learned that we all need three things: courage – the courage to do the things that scare and intimidate us; honour – to strive to act honourably in everything we do, as this is how we are most authentic in life; and forgiveness, because we will never live up to our own expectations and so we will have to learn to forgive ourselves and  we will need the forgiveness of others.

My favourite quote is

“I greet you all in the name of peace, democracy and freedom for all! I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands.”

Mandela Rally - 1990

Nelson Mandela

This is one of my favourite quotes as I was there when he said it. After Mandela was released from prison, he spoke at a rally in Durban to 100,000 black South Africans and one over-awed Aussie girl from Yeoval.

4 people I would like to have dinner with

• Nelson Mandela
• Desmond Tutu
• Peter Dirk-Uys
• Barack Obama

All great sons of the soil of Africa.

Learn more about Sandy and her book,

Holding up the Sky:

http://www.wrightings.com.au

A word from Wendy

Where has the year gone?  We have been to Toowoomba this week on a boarding school run and now have our oldest son home for the holidays-YAH!  So lovely to see him and have all the boys home together – although, check in with me in a week when they are all too familiar again!!

Until next week,

Wendy

Quote of the week:

“If you think you can, or if you think you can’t, you are right.”

- Henry Ford

In a world in which we are exposed to more information, more options, more philosophies, more perspectives than ever before, in which we must choose the values by which we will live (rather than unquestioningly follow some tradition for no better reason than that our own parents did), we need to be willing to stand on our own judgment and trust our own intelligence—to look at the world through our own eyes—to chart our course and think through how to achieve the future we want, to commit ourselves to continuous questioning and learning—to be, in a word, self-responsible.

Nathaniel Branden

Trusting ourselves–what a concept that is! In a world in which there are hundreds of people every day in our media, in ads, and in our personal lives telling us that we should trust their judgment and do as they say, it’s quite a novel concept to trust ourselves and to trust what we learn and what that learning means to us. But you see, we have to live our own lives and make our own ways through this world, so it’s up to us–and only us–to determine who we become and how we interact with the world, its people, and its nature.

We all were given intelligence, and we all have our own unique conscience. We were given our own sets of desires and wishes and wants, and we were given our unique gifts that will allow us to make the best of our lives if we use them to their fullest potential. We choose the values we live by, and we choose how we treat others. Far too often, though, the criterion for our choices is simply, “Well, that’s how everyone else does it.” This criterion, needless to say, doesn’t take into account our uniqueness or our own judgment. It’s an easy way out of having to make decisions that may be fairly difficult to make.

But those are the decisions that make you who you are, and that help you to become the person you’re meant to be. If you don’t make them, you’re standing in place or treading water, however you wish to look at it. That’s not fair to you as a person, and you deserve to be treated fairly, especially by yourself.

You can choose your friends, but your family – you’re stuck with them like it or not. There is usually someone in the family we don’t particularly like, there’s always your favorite relative, often one member of the family is better off financially than any others (and they won’t share), everyone is at a different place in their life and there are usually one or two members of the family that no one else seems to understand…but you love them all anyway.

Even when they completely annoy or upset you – you still love them. Even when they let you down, break your heart, do something to hurt you, or turn their back on you – you can’t help it – they’re family and you still love them.

At this time of year, we all put (or try to put) our differences aside and give thanks for what we have. If would be nice if we could find a way to extend those kind, selfless actions further into the year…but at least we all do this at some point in the year.

Your friends are the ‘family’ you choose – and at this time of year, if you’ve had an argument or disagreement of some sort, I highly recommend extending the olive branch and making amends. There are very few things worth ending or hurting a friendship over.

Peace.Love.Happiness – that’s what this time of year is about. Embrace it and enjoy it.

It’s no secret that I’m in a wonderful space right now. All you have to do is look at me, I am loved, I am happy, I am content and it shows.

My life has changed and things I’ve done or looked at all somehow seem new. I have found the key to living in the now…just knowing something wonderful will happen before each day is deemed complete. Of course, my perceptions of all things has changed …just seeing a sparkle in Bruce’s eye sets my heart to dancing…I am literally bubbling over with joy…it’s amazing and yes, intoxicating at times…but rather than talk about how I’m feeling…let’s talk about how it all came to be…what’s different this time….

Upon some reflection, me! Yes, that’s correct. I am different…and perhaps that is where we all need to begin, with ourselves. When we can get down and dirty with all of our emotions – even those we hide deep inside- and take the time to sort through the garbage, toss it out, but remember the lessons…we take a big step towards finding who we truly are.  Painful yes but oh so necessary.

Sure, we all have our faults or those things that crush us inside, but we also have the capacity to provide compassion within…to love ourselves so that we may love others. For if we are in turmoil or if we are empty inside how can we ever have the ability to care deeply about anyone? Or even if we find we can love…..how can it be fully when we aren’t whole inside? Yes, the truth of it all, in my opinion, is to learn to nurture our own spirits, minds, bodies…our completeness….we must first love ourselves fully in order to love another completely and without any preconceived conditions or stipulations. Just free, intense, unconditional love.

Through the process of learning self-love, we will also learn how we as individuals want to be loved….what makes us genuinely happy. Not all of us would be happy with a self-assured smart aleck, or a confident, muscle bound beach bum, or a conservative, self made millionaire….sure personality, looks, and money all play a part in our relationships but each of us has a need for a varying degree of all of these qualities.

Myself, I base someone’s standing upon loyalty, playfulness, and yes, their own self-confidence. I’ve shared before about my abandonment issues so it’s natural for me to desire trust to the nth degree….and yes, that only develops over time…with tons of patience….. I love to have fun… I’d be the first one on the beach with a pail and shovel building sand castles so Bruce would have to play– no doubts about it…I missed too much of my childhood doing other things so perhaps that is why I find joy playing now.  I tend to surround myself with creative, highly intelligent, and powerful people and I am very adamant about my friends and activities…so my better half has to be confident enough to know that special place in my heart is owned only by their spirit. Sure, there are other qualities I need, but these three seem to top my current list and all were missing from my other relationships.

This is where I am right now.  I have come to know and love me.  I am a whole person now.  When I met Bruce he didn’t complete me, I was already complete.  He compliments me.  We “fit” in oh so many ways.  He accepts and loves me, just me.  And me, well, I love him, when I’m with him I feel all the warm squishy feelings of a teenager, my heart races when I hear his voice, my skin comes alive when he touches me and my spirit soars.

Which takes me to my last thought…what’s different when we learn to love this time? Again, me, you, us! We have past experience to know where we don’t want to be, how we don’t want to live, and what is not going to make us happy. We now have self-love and are not willing to settle for less than we want or need. Given those circumstances, once we find that someone seems to me we sure have the ability to love completely and unconditionally. What could be greater?

Thank you Spicy Man!

A friend sent me something the other day about love and how it will make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. I laughed at it and thought it was silly; however, when you stop and think about it…it’s true.

I am head over heels in love with a man and it scares me. I’ve never admitted to anyone that it scares me, but it does.

I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced, I’ve been in lust, I’ve had my heart broken (more than once) and I’ve broken a heart or two (though they honestly broke mine first) but this is the first time I’ve felt this way.

He is wonderful and amazing and at the same time he drives me crazy…but even when I get upset or angry, I have to laugh to myself about how silly it is that I’m angry because I love him. And really, all the little crap just doesn’t matter. Lately, he’s been even better to me than ever and it just makes me love him more.

So this is what it’s like to be in love…I’ll take it – even though it scares me.

If we face our unpleasant feelings with care, affection, and nonviolence, we can transform them into a kind of energy that is healthy and has the capacity to nourish us. By the work of mindful observation, our unpleasant feelings can illuminate so much for us, offering us insight and understanding into ourselves and society.

Thich Nhat Hanh

More often than not, we’re taught to “banish” unpleasant feelings, because of course, they make us feel bad. So let’s get rid of them, get them out of our lives and out of our minds and out of our hearts so that we can live healthy, positive, pleasant lives.

But what if there’s something to learn from those unpleasant feelings? What if the fear that we’re feeling has a deeper message? What if the discomfort we have when we’re in the presence of a particular person has something to teach us about our own prejudices, biases, or instinct? Ignoring the feeling and trying to push it away will do nothing to help us to learn whatever it is that the feeling is trying to teach us.

It would be much like going to a class and disliking the content, and thus never reading the text because we didn’t like it. We may avoid more unpleasant feelings of dislike by avoiding the text, but what have we learned? Of course, we’ve learned nothing, and we’ve made an obvious choice to learn nothing.

Unpleasant feelings can be a part of who we are. When they’re caused by something specific, they can be a part of us for as long as that something is a part of our lives. But what can we learn from them? How can we face those feelings and accept them and actually learn to care for them, no matter how unpleasant they are? Until we find out how we can do so, we may be losing some of the most important lessons of our lives by trying to banish the unpleasant feelings just to feel a bit better in the moment.

Who: EVERYONE’s invited – bring friends and family (they can shop online too)

What: Boutique Open House including Pampered Chef, Private Quarters, Cookie Lee Jewelry and a scrapbooking vendor. Lots of specials and deals to help you get ready for the holiday!

When: Saturday, December 5, 2009
10am until 2pm

Where: 4901 E Hearn Road
Scottsdale, AZ  85254

Why: To offer great deals to you and your friends and help you get some of that holiday shopping out of the way in a quick, easy, relaxing atmosphere. And we’ll have lots of refreshments available. Want to book a party? – Let the ladies know – the hostess specials are always fantastic!!

Come out and have some fun before the holiday shopping gets the best of you!

RSVP: email Jenifer@KellyDepp.com to let her know how many are coming so she has enough food for everyone.

Hope to see you there!

In a relationship, there is nothing more important than just spending time together. Yet it sometimes seems to be the most difficult thing to do.With all of our commitments and responsibilities, it can be very difficult to find time to just relax together and have a little fun. However, it can be the single most important thing we do. Especially when times are tough.

We are all over-committed – that’s the American way. We wind up there ‘in the pursuit of happiness’ and forget what true happiness is. If we would just drop all the responsibilities for one night – skip the soccer games, networking on Facebook, the extra work to make ends meet, scouts, etc. – and just hang out together, we would all be a lot happier.

So before Thanksgiving, I challenge each and every one of you to take time with your family and truly enjoy them. Get to know them again – without the TV – and you will find you just had the best night you’ve had in a long time.

The present moment is never intolerable. It is always what is coming in five minutes or five days that makes people despair. The Law of Life is
to live in the present, and this applies to both time and place. Keep your attention to the present moment, and in the place where your body is now. Emmet Fox

As I live more and more, I’m slowly learning how to live in the present moment. I’m learning what it means to truly be in the right here, right now, rather than thinking about the past or wondering about the future. In my life, this is one of the most important things that I’ve ever learned, for my days are much fuller, much richer, as I learn to see, to notice, to feel, and to appreciate all that’s here in this world with me in the now.

This is one of those concepts that I used to wonder what people meant when they talked about it. After all, I am alive right now, so of course I’m living in the moment. But even though my body’s here, where is my mind? Where is my attention? What am I focused on? And if I’m focused on something other than right now, how can I take advantage of all the gifts and possibilities that the right now is offering me? My body is here, and if I can keep my attention here, also, I can get much more out of the present moment. Not only that, but I can give much more to the present moment, also.

I had a friend once who almost always talked about the past, mostly about her high school years. At times it was very difficult to be with her because it seemed that she was actually living in the past, and no matter what we might be talking about in our current lives, the conversation always would turn to her past. It got to be kind of sad, for I could see that people started to avoid being with her–she chose to focus on parts of her life that she knew but no one else was familiar with, and no one was really interested in constantly reliving her past with her.

Right now. What powerful words those can be if we recognize them for what they are: truly the only time we have for sure, and every single right now is the most important moment of our lives, for it’s the only moment in which we can act and make choices that will affect our future right nows.

A further thought:

At the level of mind, you exist as a collection of memories from the past. The mind is like a curtain which acts as a barrier between you and the reality of the present moment. When you are in the mind, you are somewhere in the past. You are not in the reality of the present moment.

Leonard Jacobson

Flicka’s Baja Cantina was the place to be yesterday as they kicked off their 1st Annual Block Party. The Ruff Riders and The BluSky Foundation joined in the fun, making this an event to remember. Perfect weather combined with some very skilled stuntmen provided for a great show and a good time had by all.

The side parking lots were lined with vendors, the back parking lot was taped off for the stunt shows and there was a caricture artist kept busy by the crowd most of the day. People came and went all day, but everyone stayed to watch at least one of the stunt shows.

A great showing for a first annual event. If you weren’t there this year, make sure you check it out next year – it will be the place to be.

Today’s world needs change, alteration, renewal, and corrections of errors. It needs new ideas, new approaches, methods, plans, procedures, and new ways of doing things. Maybe you should think of going — literally or symbolically — to a circus today, where you’ll see stunts you never dreamed possible. The novelty and originality there may stimulate what you need more of in this life. Have the daring to take a flight for the idea you believe in! Wilferd A. Peterson

So much of what we do in our lives, we do by rote. We do much of what we do because it’s “tradition” or because it seems safe and risk-free, or simply because that’s the way we’ve always done things. This way of approaching our lives is fine if we live in a cage and have no options, but for free people who are trying to forge their individual ways through life, it’s no way to live. Life is about risk and trying new things. So many new things get pushed our way all the time that there’s never any real reason for us to continue to do things over and over again in the same ways.

When we get caught in ruts, we stagnate and we don’t allow ourselves to learn. This year’s flowers are much different than last year’s were, no matter how much alike they seem, and this year’s life for us is full of new opportunities and potential, if only we take the time to look at what we have available to us in new ways so that we can discover the exciting possibilities that are there for us.

I used to have a friend who impressed me with the way he looked at the world. The only way that I could explain it was that he didn’t just look at things and situations head-on; rather, he walked around them, under them, through them, and looked at them from many different ways. And his view of them always differed from the “standard” view, the one that most other people shared. I want to be like that. I want to learn about things by seeing the possibilities in them.

I want to make my life rich by trying new and different things without having preconceived notions of what outcomes should be. I want to be daring enough that at the end of my life, I’ll be able to say to myself “No matter how it turned out, I feel good about my life because I was always willing to take chances and to learn more about life than I would have if I had done the same things over and over again.” If I’m able to take my leave of this planet with that idea as part of who I am, then I know that I will have contributed also to the lives of others. ~~~~~

A further thought; If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. . . Søren Kierkegaard

You can’t always get what you want. It’s a simple sentiment, and most of us have found that it’s true. Of course that doesn’t change the fact that we want what we want – and some part of us thinks maybe, just maybe, it’s possible.

What’s impossible – for me – is to read or hear those words and not think of the Rolling Stones!

I can’t get no… satisfaction…

As long as we’ve moved to Rolling Stones lyrics, let’s go with the flow for a minute. Somehow, in our culture, we seem to think we can – and should – get everything we want. Or most of it. Satisfaction of our desires, whatever they may be. Financial hardship has chipped away at that for many recently, but recession aside, let’s think about personal wants and personal satisfaction. Theoretically, it’s possible, isn’t it? Is the problem what we want? Patience? Priorities?

And what about needs? Should we be shifting focus to what we need, rather than what we want? Are we confusing wants and needs?

Can you distinguish wants versus needs?

How often do you say “I need” and “I want” interchangeably? Can you distinguish between what you require and what you desire?

You know when you’re deprived of something truly necessary to your physiological well-being – food, water, shelter, heat – and to your sense of safety or security. Then there is the gray area (for me) of needs and wants that deal in both personal and social contexts, like recognition for your accomplishments, and the drive to achieve. For those who took Psychology in college, this is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I’m glossing over these principles (forgive me), but Maslow deals with human motivations – survival, socialization, and self actualization (self fulfillment). 

Needs fall into the realm of psychology; it’s interesting that the issue of wants in the context of needs generally leads to a debate over economics or consumer behaviors. If handed a $100 bill, can you determine what you need (food, a coat) versus what you want (an iPod, sexy shoes)? Similarly, in a gym full of hotties, can you distinguish between the need to continue to work out (for your health) and the desire to chat up the cute blonde who just hopped off the stair master, or the weight lifter toweling off next to you?

Wants are what we desire, not what we must have so as not to expire. (Sounds like another lyric, doesn’t it?) So where does sex fit in? And what about romantic love?

Then you just might find you get what you need

In our witless world of internet dating, relationships that plunge off the edge of the earth, dismissive disappearances through texting and email, human beings still form attachments to others. Do we need those attachments, those feelings of belonging and love? I say yes, though I could also argue that we won’t die without them, which would indicate they are wants.

Categories aside – most of us want to be needed, and need to be wanted. That applies to sexual desire, as well as to who we are – the need or want to be seen, accepted, valued, loved. So, we arrive at the much sought after sex + love connection.  Are these the most natural (and necessary) of the wants? Certainly, the love biz (along with centuries of literary masterworks) reflects our human preoccupation with both.

Love hurts

Flash forward to contemporary life: you may find someone you love, and those three little words are not returned. Or you hear those words, and you wish you hadn’t. Your heart isn’t in the same place; timing, chemistry, or logistics may be off. Whatever the elusive elixir of desire and commitment, it can’t be forced. You can’t always get what you want.

Let’s face it. Love hurts, much of the time, particularly when you can’t get what you want. But perhaps it’s for the best. Friendship may take root where love wasn’t meant to be, or you realize your heart has expanded through the experience of loving, and you know yourself better as a result. Perhaps the future will offer something different that fits in a healthier way. Perhaps the future holds reconnection.

And so, after all, as the Rolling Stones remind us, you just might find… you get what you need.

When you look at yourself, what do you see?

• Do you know your wants from your needs?
• How has the equation changed with time?
• What about your personal achievement goals – needs or wants?
• Were there times when you didn’t get what you wanted, and were better off?
• Must love hurt? Is it worth it, even if you can’t always get what you want?

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

Each day is filled with choices for us to take…

Ask yourself what choices are you making and where are they taking you? You might not be free falling through the sky into a survival show, but you are needing  skills of observation, choices and action! See how he does it…

Cheers!

Coach A.

www.LifeTrekkingCoach.com

Who: Everyone’s Invited

What: Holiday Boutique sale featuring: Cookie Lee Jewelry, Designer Purses, Wallets, Ed Hardy Clothing, Belts, Gold Canyon Candles and MORE!!!

When: Today only! Noon to 5pm

Where: 2343 E Cortez Street, Phoenix, AZ  85028
(24th Street just South of Cactus)

Why: Shop for the Holidays and get GREAT SAVINGS: Swarovski Watches – Buy 1, Get 1 half off, Designer clothes are at a deep discount! Refreshments will be served!!!

For more info contact Kasey at 602-769-0504. Stop in and let them know that Kelly Depp sent you!

…I posted this entry on the blog I had at the time:

It might be crazy but…

… I’ve started giving some serious consideration to pursuing work as a personal trainer. I’m sure many people who know me think I’m a little off my rocker. And I might be. I’ve certainly had my share of doubts about it.

I wonder if I am going to be able to find work right now, with the economy bad. I wonder if the pay will be enough to help support our family now that we are no longer associated with the military. And I wonder if I can even do this. After all, I have a hard time keeping myself on track- how am I going to help others stay on track too?!?

BUT… I think I really want to do this. I think this might be the right thing for me. While job hunting, my FIL told me to picture something I really enjoy doing- and then pursue that. I’ve been interviewing for secretary positions and, while certain aspects of the job are appealing to me, I can’t picture myself waking up in the morning happy to go to work.

But I like to exercise. I enjoy the feeling I get when I know that I am making the best choices for myself each day. And I think I would like sharing that feeling with others. So I’ve decided to pursue it, and tackle my doubts along the way.

1) The economy- I have no intention of trying to start my own business at this point, so I am not too worried about that. I have applied for three gyms so far, and that’s just the three on this street! I have a list of 20 others that I am planning to call over the next few days- and I am sure I will be able to get my foot in the door with at least one of them.

2) Income- I’ve been looking into getting certified. I know that general floor workers are not going to make a lot of money off the bat, but with a certification I can make more, and perhaps even teach some classes. I found an article that lists the 7 accredited Personal Trainer Certification Programs, and I am starting to do some research on them, and will pick a program based on which ones are most highly accepted in this area to increase my chances of getting work!

3) Staying on track- I think that this might actually be the push I need to keep myself in check! Afterall, what better way to stay accountable in a healthy lifestyle than to focus on health, nutrition, and fitness for a living?

I’m still not 100% sold on the idea, but this is the most I’ve been excited about anything in years- so I think I might have found my calling.

It’s so amazing to me to think about how much my life has changed in the past year! And scary to think about how quickly I dove into this new life- head first with no life jacket! A week after I made that blog post, I got the job at Fitness Lady. A month after that blog post, I had begun studying for my AFAA certification. 5 months after that post I was certified! 7 months after that post I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to take the group fitness certification and passed! 8 months after that post I began my job here at Anytime Fitness.

It’s been crazier, more hectic, scarier, and more stessful than I could have ever imagined. And I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Through and through, I know that this was the right decision for me. What a difference one year has made for me!

It is the time of year to reflect on the past 12 months and give thanks for everything you have and everything that has happened. So here is my list of things that I am thankful for (in no particular order).

I am thankful:

- that I have a roof over my head
- that I have a car to drive
- that I have food in my home and don’t go hungry
- that I have a wonderful son who does well in school and helps me out around the house
- that I have a good man by my side who loves me and takes care of me when I need it
- that I have a good, loving family who is always there for one another
- that I have a mom who would do just about anything for me
- that I have friends who are always there for one another and would do just about anything for me
- that my first book is in print and the second is ready to go in to print
- that my boyfriend’s family is just around the corner and are like family to me too
- that I have been able to reconnect with a lot of old friends
- that I am healthy
- that I get to talk to all the people I love and care about
- that right now, I have enough

There are many, many other things that I am thankful for…but I will end here today. Maybe on Thanksgiving Day I will post more.

Take a moment sometime this month and think about all the things that you are thankful for.