Yesterday, I snuck a Hershey’s milk chocolate bar from the kitchen  furtively up the stairs. In addition, for balance, a 100 calorie pack of Lorna Dunes. I slipped in to my darkened bedroom and hid under the covers.  On one hand I had a 100 calorie pack of “Lorna Dunettes” and in the other a big milk chocolate bar. Together, I thought, the taste would be exhilirating. It’s all about the contrast . Sweet, soft, salty, crunch …   in my world it  was like a mini “fmores”  ( faux smores) festival. Luckily, the only one in the family that noticed was my dog, Callie, who gave me a knowing look;. she  blinked twice and sped up the stairs in front of me. While I was not going to share my chocolate with the  dog, she does love Lorna Dunes; they are one of her favorite cookies; mine too.  Lorna Dunes are melt in your mouth cookies, they are the cookie version of M and M’s, another fine dining experience.

I know, I know, I’m an “emotional eater” and knowledge is NOT power. Yes, I eat when I am unhappy.  Yes, food comforts me, it makes me happier. Tonight, I don’t give a damn. Spent the last 2 entire days sobbing because my favorite, unofficial aunt (or, come on, fill in the blank) “faunt” passed away 2 nights ago. The day before that was my dad’s birthday; he’s been dead 8 years. That’s a hard couple of days. I cried until my eyes were literally stuck together, my nose was a candidate for Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer and my face was all kinds of puffy 3 ways. I didn’t care.  I ate. And, yes, it did make me feel better.

I hate hearing all these non-eating gurus speak about how emotional eating is so bad for us. I say, “so what?”  If it  helps (ok, ok, in moderation) just do it. As long as it’s legal, as long as it’s short -term. Basically, if I am upset or worried or depressed or all of the above and I crave chocolate, chocolate I will have.  Some days I want pretzels but that’s an ordinary snack one that I would not use for a cheer up convention. Pretzels are a clean snack. A healthy snack would not raise my mood an iota. For that we need endorphins (cool word, right?) the ones that they say people get after they excercise a lot. A real high. It’s hard to even type through my hysteria..I mean, really, exercise to get happy? Honestly, I don’t even understand the idea much less the concept. Exercise = Happiness? Not from where I come from. Believe me, I wish it worked for me.  It doesn’t.

When I was younger I loved Snowballs. Snowballs for those of you who don’t know (and I AM sorry) are a round chocolate cake with cream inside a la the Twinkie, BUT, most importantly, this exquisite sculpture of heaven-sent blessings are covered with a thick (i’m drooling) layer of pink marshmelow coating that has thousands of, okay, maybe hundreds, of  coconut flakes all over and inside them. It’s Christmas in April. It’s Channukah gelt, it’s jelly doughnuts on New Years Eve.

Look, some of us are not meant to be a size 6 or even 16. That’s life, that’s truth; that fellow chocolate lovers is the real deal. Don’t deny it. Skinny bitches might band together but those of us who crave carbs  know. Real women know. Give us pasta, pizza, chocolate, fritos, cookies and ice cream and we are happy. I’m not endorsing binging, I’m not endorsing purging. I am endorsing ” a little bit of this, a little bit of that….”(stolen from the Fiddler on the Roof) Anatevka…. Home to many of us.

Talking about tradition, my family has one for New Year’s Eve.  They are called jelly doughnuts. That is really the only celebration we have that I  have celebrated since I was a child. I could eat jelly doughnuts twice a day if they weren’t so oily (yum) and fattening (bummer) and be happy. Forget the champagne, my tradition needs a large glass of milk.  The jelly component is very, repeat, very, IMPORTANT.  The doughnuts I grew up with, once a year, were  pure and lovely pieces of art. Truly, the sprinkled sugar on top–NOT confectioner’s sugar, was equally placed all over the doughnut to perfection. That was from the Homestead Deli/Gourmet shop where we used to go when we lived in Kew Gardens, Queens.

I am not a perfectionist, I DON’T NEED that particular doughnut from that particular store. Dunkin Donuts are fine by me. And every year we buy doughnuts from them on New Year’s Eve, 2 chocolate doughnuts for my husband and daughter, 2 jelly doughnuts for my son and myself .Well, sometimes 4 jelly doughnuts because I just cannot choose between the raspberry and strawberry fillings.  Which to pick? How do I know I will like it? Why don’t I remember from year to year? These are important issues for me. At last,  an easy solution,  a Libra solution: I buy one of each  and only eat the doughy jelly part from both. How can you lose?  Maybe this year (probably not) I will write down my favorite and then just get that every year. Of course I’ve been saying that for many years and i know I won’t do it. Tis the season. Get happy. Eat.

I am thankful for my husband Dan. We have been married over 29 years.  Although he had a busy day on his plate he still took the time to check my car because one of the lights came on yesterday. It may not seem like a big deal, but that is what love is. Caring enough to take the time to ease my mind. Many of us forget to stop and be thankful for folks that take the time to show us they care.

GLEICH unterstützt die Kölner Nachwuchsfilmemacherinnen Marina Klauser & Pia Hellenthal: Macht mit und votet für den Film der Studentinnen der Kölner KHM!

72 órája nem aludtam, lázas vagyok és köhögök, tegnap elhatároztam hogy szakítok Annával, ezért hajnali 5kor felkeltem, hogy odaérjek és megvárjam sulija előtt, Nem sikerült, ez van. Én még adnék neki esélyt, de barátaim azt mondják hogy hagyjam a picsába, és nekem is egyre jobban elegem van már.  Nemigaz hogy neki fontosabb az hogy 1 hétig mindennap a barátnőivel találkozgasson és engem még le se szarjon meg sok fasság… ha annyit nem érek hogy válaszoljon 2 fontos smsre de az iwiwjébe félóránként bejelentkezzen akkor bassza meg.

I am thankful for the abundance of joy and happiness in my life. We are each of us reponsible for our own joy and happiness. If you are in a relationship and the other person does not make you happy it is because only you can make youself happy. It is a concious decision. Do yourself a huge favor this Thanksgiving season. Decide to be happy. It is the best gift that you will ever get! Celebrate the joy that surrounds each of us if we just take the time to look for it!

這世界上本來就無所謂公平不公平，機會運勢或多或少都會影響到你的人生。敢要求的人總是會獲得比較多，臉皮厚更是生存法則必要細目的前幾項。

當你得利時，你很難去衡量自己是不是處在公平狀態，那對你而言也並不重要。但是當你身在不公平的處境裡，事情清楚的像是太陽每天都會升起無須質疑，你非常明白自己受到不公平的待遇。

有一句話很殘酷，我其實很不喜歡，因為太真實了。這句話是：「權利╱權益不是天上掉下來的，是要去爭取的。」親手打出這句話才發現我有多痛恨這句話。這句話說明了權力掌握在少數的人手中，而且他們可以為所欲為的想幹嘛就幹嘛；當你只是棋盤上的一顆棋子，既得利益者是不會認為你是需要被公平對待的，那與他們無關。

三個月一萬二跟四個月七千，白癡都知道是誰佔了便宜。但是你並沒有獲得那筆錢的資格，卻好意思對我提出把那個資格借給你用的要求。資格是我自己考過的，就算沒有花大把的時間在那上面，起碼還是花了時間。當下我的第一個反應是不，我不想要借你，儘管如此，我能說不要嗎？

終究我答應你，但是我很不情願。我不會讓你知道我有多生氣這樣不正義的事情，其實相對來說那也代表我們很難繼續當朋友。

正文差不多已經結束了。說到朋友，我最近有點想要把某些過去的朋友都給斷掉。切斷所有聯繫，我再也不想要對誰好。我不想要關心任何人，這一切根本就是狗屁。友誼，等到你們也用同樣的態度對待我們的關係，再來跟我討論友誼這件事吧。

朋友一直都是互相，我只要求這樣，互相。我不是你的垃圾場，經過倒一下，餿水垃圾廢紙回收什麼都來。我沒有空消化你的情緒，更何況你倒完就走。你不曾試圖傾聽，我也不想告訴你什麼。這種噁心又空泛的關係不叫做友情，少把這件事情神聖化。

Life sucks sometimes. I had an amazing cat that I got off the vet clinic. She was in perfect shape, the healthiest cat ever and then all of a sudden yesterday she started breathing wrong, not eating, drinking, not going to het litter box and not playing anymore. She was panting all the time. I just thought that she got a little bit sick and that was it…I guess I was wrong. After a visit to the emerg vet I found out that her heart was twice the size it was supposed to be and that some liquid in her body was causing the breathing problem and suffering. 30 minutes I found out that there was nothing else they could do to save her and that I was better off taking her out of her misery…that’s what I did..I feel like shit ever since then….

I always thought that having a cat pass away/die on me would not affect me.I guess I was wrong. Is it because I actually cared about my cat, because I’ve witnessed my fathers suicide or a combination of both….

Life is fucked up and we are so busy everyday that we never really take the time to appreciate/acknowledge it. We are always busy with work, friends, going out and so on that we don’t notice the little things anymore.

I don’t believe in god but I want to thank someone that’s out there for making me realize that I should really enjoy and appreciate life…all this because my cat is now dead…I really wasn’t expecting that today. I guess life can always throw you a curve ball and fuck you up….

Chupita you were the best cat ever.

Hopefully I’ll see you on the other side one day…

I am thankful for the ability to read. If you can read well all the information in the universe is yours for the asking! I am thankful that I was born in a great country that educates it’s people opening up endless opportunities for each and every one of us. God Bless America!

I am so very thankful for my beautiful home. I could wax on poetically to describe it’s size, location, and appearance, but what makes it so beautiful is the love that abounds within it’s walls. The love of family, friends, and yes pets. Many a good time has been had in these walls and you can feel the love when you enter.

In keeping with my week long attitude of gratitude I am thankful for the air I breathe. I am thankful that I live in such a great country that is truely the land of opportunity. Many places around the world dictate what you can or cannot do, where you can go and when. Many times we take these things for granted when in fact we should be celebrating them every day!

Another bad day. I mean, not that yesterday was bad, just that this adds to the count of bad days I’ve ranted about here.

I don’t know why. I just get irritable when I see someone. I don’t know why. And then it messes the rest of my day up.

Bleh.

I didn’t even run the mile…well, walk it with Mina today. Blah.

Oh well, whatever, I probably bother her enough as it is.

sighs.

I feel entitled to complain and have people listen to me and be sympathetic. Which, I shouldn’t, because I’m not entitled to it.

lolz.

And I’m a morbid cynic.

Apparently.

Whatever, it fits for now.

~~~

Life sucks when you’re unhappy and you know you shouldn’t be.

Thanksgiving is just one short week away. I think that everyone should develope an attitude of gratitude. If we practice it for the next week it will become a habit in just 3 extra days. You don’t have to think long to find something to be grateful for, I am grateful that I can see to write this post. I am thankful that I can hear, that I have a computer, that I have labrador retrievers, a loving family, and friends. Start a hand written list and when ever you get down, look at it and remind yourself how very fortunate you are!

Wrote this post sitting in Sheri’s Restaurant. The first time in years that I’d written into a notebook rather than directly to my computer… I started writing a bit after 6 am… when I stopped it was after 11 am. To say it’s rather long would be the understatement of the year…

Shipped Grizzy to his new forever home this morning. I’ll miss hiss happy face. However; I know he is going to a wonderful home filled with love and 3 Pom playmates.

Had to be at the airport at 5 a.m. to make his 6 a.m. flight. Sent him in a larger crate than had planned; but it worked out better for him anyway. So that was a good thing. As I set here writing this he is arriving in Denver, then heading on to Texas then New York.

Full day ahead. I stopped at Shari’s for breakfast before I started the rest of my errands in Scottsbluff. Strong hot coffee and a good breakfast. Great way to fuel the day. Frankly after this breakfast I won’t be, needing much more “fuel” for the entire day. Lol.

The past few days have been tension filled and trying. It was wonderful to sit down and enjoy my breakfast in peace.

Whatever real or manufactured crisis’s that comes up will just have to be handled (or not) by those directly involved.

Oh, and yes my cell phone is shut off as I am writing this. I’m actually writing in a notebook. As in a spiral paper notebook, lol. It’s been a very long time since I’ve done this. Usually I sit at my computer and write.

That has been a major challenge since April 14th. The day my mom’s house burned down and we brought her to live with us.

She has needed a lot of care and attention. Which;’ has been a major adjustment for the both of us.

This has been quite the interesting year. I think it’s a Chinese proverb that says “may you lie in interesting times”. Not sure if that’s a curse or a blessing, lol.

This year has certainly been “interesting”.

Late March: 2nd major blizzard of the winter- Had to pull the entire kennel inside. Snow drifts buried the fences (fences are 52 inches high) and outside yards. Dug dog houses out so could take dogs in. The dog houses are 52 in high, 4 ft wide, 7 ft long. BURRIED. Thankfully, they were dry inside.

Fell off a snow drift, injured my right leg. Unable to bend knee. Muscles so traumatized and swollen from glutes to heel that the leg wouldn’t work. Hyper extended knee, and knocked it out laterally as well. Took several months of healing and rehabbing to bring leg back into normal function. Knee is still questionable (11/16/09) when it comes to getting down on hands and knees.

First week in April. Third major blizzard of the season. Using hinged brace to hold knee. Kneel has to be taken care of. David (husband) is gone on railroad ¾ of the time, and exhausted when is actually home.

April 14th, 2009 – House fire. Good by 100 years of accumulated memorabilia. Good by to mom’s house pets-they burned. Nearly, good by to mom. The neighbors saw the fire when putting their kids to bed. Jumped the fences, broke in the door, and grabbed mom. Put her in a broken power wheel chair and drug her outside. No one knew the wheel chair was broken. Her home, her birds, her dogs, everything she had; burned. Mom went into shock. The pain and loss of her pets and home too much for her to bear. She lost the ability to move her legs, lost her comprehension, and slipped into a severe depression. It was questionable as to whether she would survive the emotional trauma, let alone recover. (A Dear friend named Pat Munn, was invaluable help during this time. Frankly I don’t think I could have kept mom here without her aid. – and in the state she was in I don’t believe she would have survived a transfer to a nursing home)

Mom is still unable to stand, has severe swelling in her legs and feet; however she can move her feet and I heard her humming a tune yesterday. She has become very close with one of our house babies. She and Peanut have adopted each other. I think this has played a major part in her recovery process thus far.

May 2009 – Aunt Marty died. She was mom’ older sister. A great lady indeed.

After mom’s house burned and she came to be with us. Her brother, Clarence, who lived on the same acreage slipped into a depression, then dementia, had a hellish several months and died. This was in August.

Mom is now the only sibling still living. She had 1 sister and 5 brothers. Martha B.-(Aunt Marty), Eugene –(Unk), Clarence-(Stubby), Delbert-(Buss), Dale, Jim.

Throughout all tis my husband’s blood sugar has been all over the place. Too high, then way too low. Three times he’s crashed and I’ve brought him back out of an extreme sugar low. Cold skin, soaked in sweat, fixed pupils, confused, comprehension lacking or gone. No memory of event after necessary blood sugar levels restored. Yes I bring him back. Bu I always wonder… what if I miss it. What if I’m gone or sleep through it. Why is this happening at home, and not at work? Ah ha! He’s not taking his insulin at work.

I’ve shut down my business, for the most part, for another year. This year. Of course the overhead continues; whether you have sales or not. Ask any small business person; they’ll tell you.

Year before last I stepped into a rescue operation that I mistakenly thought would take a month or two. It turned into a 2 year nightmare. I felt sorry for the dogs so I said yes when I was asked to take responsibility for their care. OMG!!!!!!!!!

It was a nightmare getting rid of the vermin they were infested with; fleas, and a variety of nasty worms. Fencing climbing, biting Feral dogs scared out of their minds.

Most of them are placed now. All to f the infestation is gone. YAY!!!!!!!! Cedarcide kills fleas, as well as their miserable nasty eggs, in case any one needs help with that. It actually works better than everything else I tried. Believe me I tried all the typical remedies. Goodwinol shampoo has cedar oil in it now too. Does a fine job on the miserable little monsters.

I so HATE FLEAS! The rescue operation blew our dog numbers up over 200. That is way way way too many. Never Again!

I’ll help if possible, but I WILL NOT bring a mess of dogs on property again! EVER!

I was a good hearted fool! People I thought I could count on; I found out I could not. The emotional blackmail made a very difficult situation absolutely horrendous. No more!

The situation was complicated and exacerbated by a crushing back injury. It was questionable as to whether I would be walking; or be confined to a wheel chair. Back surgery was recommended, but with so many dogs counting on me for feed, water, etc. It was an untenable option. (August 2008) With the help of a very good chiropractor the pressure on my spinal cord was relieved and the business of rebuilding my core muscles continued.

It was made very clear that physically I could not continue as I had been.

On a positive note; there was a person that stepped up and helped greatly to sort out the nightmarish situation. She worked tirelessly coordinating the placement of these poor dogs. Frankly I don’t know what I would have done without her.

Back to this year (2009).
June 2009- Dad came to visit from Minnesota. It was great to see him. We snatched some moments in the evenings to sit in the zero gravity chairs out under the evergreen tree. Drank hot black coffee, smoked a cigar and visited. Good memories. Pop is 82. There is some kind of knot on the base of his skull behind an ear that he refuses to have checked out. His choice. I hope we are able to see each other again in this life.

David was on vacation in June. He slept the most of it. I spoke with out doctor about it. She said the exhaustion is a result of the instability in his blood sugar levels.

A few days ago David came home from work with an ashen look to his face. He told me there had been an accident on the rail. The first question I asked was “was anyone killed?” This time the answer was yes. A man David had known and worked with for over 30 years had died on the rail that day.

Every day David goes to work I wonder if he is coming home alive. That day the answer for that man’s family was no. No more: friend, no more husband, dad, granddad.

Then I thought of the conductor and engineer that were on the train that hit him. His death they will carry with them always. Even-though, there was absolutely nothing they could do to prevent it.

Now bring on the crap letter from Susan Dennis. This is not an – Oh poor me I got a crap letter from a loathsome person thing.

That crap letter actually jump started a thought process. Looks like all things have their purpose, even though it can be difficult to see it at the time.

I know what was written was false. I know that she is an irrational abuser from past experiences with her.

Something is off here. Why was there such a strong reaction in me?! It’s not because she is important to me. Truth be told I care nothing for the woman. I’d rather she was not in my son’s life, but that is not my choice.

She is about as significant as an annoying house fly that was smashed by the flyswatter on a white cabinet.

So, what’s the friggin deal?!

Maybe the reaction that letter elicited in me is due to my history of growing up with a verbally/emotionally occasionally physically abusive uncle. Never knew when he would go off. Try to run your horse down with a truck, beat your dog to death, slam you on the floor, scream at you till you couldn’t think. It was never the same from day to day. One moment he was John Wayne in a great old western, the hero! The next he was Freddy Krueger on a bad acid trip!

Mom was no slouch with the verbiage or the switch whip either. Or a horse halter when it was handy.

No clear boundaries other than do what I say when I say it. Whether you understand what I said or not.

Then deny it. It never happened. Really? Then why is the dog dead, and where did the bruises and welts come from? But you are my family, you couldn’t have done that. You love me, I must have deserved it. I must have done something wrong. I must be Responsible!

Doesn’t matter what it is. I am responsible. There must be something I can do to make things better. To make you happy. To take care of you.

*****
There is a dog starving in China.
I’m responsible!

There is a cat run over by a car in Georgia.
I’m responsible!

My mother’s house burned.
I’m responsible!

My Adult Step daughter hates.
I’m responsible!

The world is going to end in 2012.
I’m responsible!

Facebook is slow today.
I’m responsible!

My husband’s blood sugar is out of whack.
I’m responsible!

My husband has a temper tantrum.
I’m responsible!

You are not happy with your financial situation.
I’m responsible!

Your adult kids are hitting you up for money.
I’m responsible!

It snowed and ruined your plans.
I’m responsible!

***** What Friggin Hubris!
Know what, I’m responsible for everything and everyone.

No wonder I’ve been having anxiety, panic attacks, mood-swings, suicidal depression over the years.

Good grief. Yeah that’s it. I gave myself a good – as in very large- amount of grief. Emotional pain and frustration galore.

An “interesting year” and a crap letter led to an epiphany!

Guess what?! I am not all powerful. I am NOT the fix it all lady!

I have been given a wonderful gift. All of that weight; the weight of responsibility for everything and everyone has fallen off.

To all those that have taken advantage of my erroneous sense of responsibility. Guess what?! It’s bloody well over!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow… I am actually free…

I am free to enjoy my life. Without the guilt of other people’s choices.

I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my choices.

You are responsible for your life.
You are responsible for your choices.

You are responsible to teach your children – and set them free to live their adult lives and make their own choices.

Some things just are what they are.

I am free to live!
I am free to live in JOY!

You can be free Too!

Life is a journey, lighten the load and the hike is much more pleasurable…

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyomiing.
Happy Healthy Hairballs: Otherwise known as Beautiful Pomeranians
Independent Team Beachbody Coach: Helping you help yourself.
307.788.0202

I apologize for the hiatus… I’ve been somewhat out of commission, but I promise to start blogging again very soon.

Throughout life most of us encounter people doing the same job at a company and being compensated much more. Whenever you are trying to better your lot in life, don’t sell yourself short. You need to believe in your own value to get someone else to. If you are feeling less than worthy start keeping a journal and make note of the things you do that help or add value to someone else’s life. Very soon it will become all you need to validate your self worth!

Would you drink human blood to become a vampire? Does a chance at eternal beauty with silky, smooth (and shimmering) skin, luscious red lips, and “gold and butterscotch” eyes sound enticing? In the recent world of vampires, whether it’s Twilight’s Edward, Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Angel, Vicki from Vampire Diaries, Eric or Deborah from True Blood, vampires are hot.

And then there’s Dave.

Dave from Life Sucks prefers to steal his nutrition from the blood bank rather than kill humans. And the fact that his life will drag on to eternity does nothing to improve his mood. Pretty much deemed a loser as far as bloodsuckers go, Dave endures his wage slave status working the night shift at a convenience store and kow-towing to his master Vlad. His friends call him a “wuss.” Dave is smitten with cute goth girl Rosa, though she doesn’t even know he exists. When Dave finally gets her attention, she wants to let the sunlight into his tiny apartment, or go outside with him in the daytime. The last person Rosa suspects of being a vampire is Dave. She’s too busy glamorizing the world of vampires and is desperate to be bitten. Given Rosa’s highly idealized vision of vampires, how could Dave possibly fit the bill?

I picture this vast network of dark, beautiful, intellectual, artistic people, living forever with only the best things, the best food, the best clothes, beautiful homes…it would just be a better life, living amidst beauty and with all the time and energy in the world to concentrate on the finer things…(Rosa, Life Sucks: p. 139)

Dave wants to protect Rosa from the realities of vampirism as he knows them, but then there’s surfer dude and vampire Wes, Dave’s archenemy. Wes is hot, hot, hot – unscrupulous, lives in a mansion, and wouldn’t think twice about the kill and ”becoming Rosa’s Master.”

Sometimes, life sucks. But the book definitely doesn’t! This new and witty spin on the vampire tale is complimented by Warren Pleece’s striking drawings and Hilary Sycamore’s vibrant colors. (Christie, The Loft)

Only 2 days left until the release of New Moon. And if that’s not your cup of blood, there’s always The Vampire’s Assistant, or the TV vampire shows. Or do you prefer werewolves? Join us in the Loft this Thursday for a bloodtacular program, Get Marked: Vampire Fiction Event, at which we will make goth sock puppets and get henna tattoos. And visit our vampire and werewolf bibliographies!

Sometimes I wonder why my mother makes me feel like such a fool. I know that some of my long term memory was damaged when I was diagnosed with this horrible disease, but she’s always making me feel like I have no clue who I am.

Last night she decided to casually mention to my brother, H, how C’s husband asked her permission to marry C. I know that I’ve done a lot of wrong in her eyes but I remember the exact day S proposed to me. I also remember the conversation he had with my mother on the phone on November 17, 2006 at about 4pm EST (I remember because we were going to catch a 5:45 movie at the AMC), asking her and then phoning C to ask her if it was okay for him to propose.

I should mention that the topic of proposals came up last night because my brother is going to pop the question to his girlfriend tonight.
I keep most of my thoughts to myself because I know that they’ll only get me in trouble, but I wish she’d stop and take a long hard look at herself sometimes. That day was supposed to be one of happiest moments of my life, unfortunately, the one thing that stands out in my mind about that day is the image of me crying because my mother wasn’t pleased with me. C made sure I Knew it too. She actually stopped talking to me for a brief period of time

előbb kitöröltem egy postot mert tökre rossz kedvem lett tőle azt írtam le benne, hogy mi is van velem mostanság … nem vagyok jól, szar kedvem van. Szarul jönnek ki a dolgok.

Karma?? Bullshit… Ha tényleg létezik karma vagy bármi ilyen akkor szerintem belőlem sorozatgyilkos lesz vagy valami kibaszott véreskezű diktáror és előre fizetem meg a sok geciséget amit elkövetek. Már az is megfordult a fejemben, hogy el vagyok átkozva. De mivel nem hiszek semmiben, ateista vagyok így csak arra tudok gondolni hogy irtó balszerencsés ember vagyok és majd úgyis lesz még jobb.