I finally became once again a productive member of society rather than be a bum. XD Started a job at a Cell Phone accesory Kiosk at my local mall. It really is an easy job once you get the prices down on merchandise and have a good memory of what kind of case goes with what phone. However it is mostly standing up so on my first “Training / Unofficial Day”, after getting off work my legs were in a lot of pain since I haven’t stood up for a long duration in quite awhile. Bought some cushion insoles which hopefully make it much more comfortable to stand for long periods of time. It will finally be good to earn some income and also put in money towards my trip to Japan sometime between Feb, Mar, or Apr.

Also I finally made my first Anime Loot purchase for 2010!

It was the first week of classes. I can’t say with any degree of confidence if it was the first class – PERIOD – but it was among them. All 100-odd journalism school first year students were gathered in a lecture theatre.

We watched what I seem to remember being a presentation on an overhead projector. You know, the ones with the transparencies? Not powerpoint. Only the ‘young’ professors used powerpoint.

Our prof scoured the room and began what I call the journalism-school version of that old “look to your left, look to your right” anecdote.

She looked at us and told us journalism was a wonderful profession.

We could see the world.

We could die.

When she said those three words I remember looking back at her, slack-jawed.

We could DIE??! WHAT DID I SIGN UP FOR?

I have friends who want nothing more than to be foreign correspondents. That’s not me (though I have to giggle a little at that — because if you look at my resume, it lends itself nicely to working outside of Canada: adaptable, bilingual, experience working for the feds abroad). It’s just not something that draws me. Part of it is I don’t think I could cut it. And I don’t really have the desire to live long-term in any other country than this one. Visit? Yes. Live? Probably not.

All that’s to say the latest news out of Afghanistan – Calgary Herald reporter Michelle Lang was killed by an IED. She updated her blog just yesterday. It sent chills through me when I read the headline.

I didn’t know her. I don’t even remember reading any of her articles — though she was an award-winning science reporter, I’m sure I have — but I remembered her name. God knows from where. But when I read those words, a little light bulb went off.

And then my heart broke.

Rest in Pease, Michelle Lang. It sounds like you died doing what you loved.

Well as usual everyday we are all slapped by the reality of work. No matter what work is what gives us the means to get shelter, buy, food, and also figures and other goods us Otaku love to spend. I have been looking for a job for quite awhile, which has not been very easy as the percentage of unemployment over where I live is 11%. Luckily I was able to secure a Job interview this Saturday and also put in a few resume’s and applications here and there. Hopefully I’ll be working within this week and also be able to supplement my budget for my trip to Japan. ^^

Also currently designing a new blog layout since I really despise the pre-made ones and would like to have something way different.

The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing––it must be something you cannot possibly do! ––Henry Moore, sculptor, at 80, from an interview with poet Donald Hall in his book, Life Work.

Rebecca Norris Webb, Gibara, Cuba, 2008

HAPPY HOLIDAYS to all the photographers from the more than 40 countries around the world whom we’ve met over the past decade in our workshops.  Thanks for sharing your time and your work with us. May 2010 be the start of another decade filled with photography, faith, and beautiful impossibilities. ––Alex Webb and Rebecca Norris Webb

Alex Webb, Barrio Chino, Havana, Cuba, 2007

Sitting here thinking about things….you know, people can’t spend their physical lives just doing what they hate for a “living” — me, I’d rather end this lifetime RIGHT NOW than be faced with spending the rest of my time working a “job” I hate, that is probably useless and boring, and does no good for society.

But some people are apparently satisfied living their lives like that.  If you are one of them, good luck, it’s something you have chosen to do.  I couldn’t do it.  But remember – NO ONE has to “do” anything.  If people simply aligned their minds with the Universe — well, let just say the world would be a hell of a different place, that is for sure….it has taken me years to stop fighting the flow of the Universe — and to start relaxing and going with it….and once I started doing that, things in my life just started coming together…..

Before all of this stuff started, I often sat around hoping I would be able to “get by” somehow until my “death”, doing something, I didn’t know what; truth be told, I didn’t know what the hell to do….I sure as hell didn’t want to spend my life hating everything I do and suffering from extreme depression….no way could I handle that…

Lots of times, I thought of “killing” myself, but ended up not doing it for the fear of crossing over after my “death”, and then discovering that my life was about to change big-time for the better the very next week, or even the next day – talk about ultimate humiliation!  I couldn’t take that chance.

But finally, events seem to be coming together to propel me and Jeremy (my best friend and business partner in this company) to new heights.

Look – all I have ever wanted is to help people – that is it…and finally my dream is coming true – my destiny is at hand……finally….

Matt

I probably should resist the urge to write too much about the Schoenborn trial I’m covering (and will be covering).

This isn’t supposed to be a “behind the scenes of the CBC” -type blog. And I don’t want to give the impression that I’m biased in my reporting (even though, as I have said – and will continue to say – that this is MY blog and reflects ME not the MotherCorp).

However, this is the first time I’ve ever covered something like this. Something that contains gruesome details analyzed by someone other than Lennie Briscoe or Temperance Brennan. And so I have a couple thoughts:

• I now understand how someone like Vincent Li could have gotten away with murder.
• The degree to which the human mind can go off into the deep end – if not cared for properly – is terrifying.
• I have managed not to cry yet. Though came close this evening at 930pm after working for 15.5 hours and came face to face with a picture of Kaitlynne Schoenborn. That’s when my knowledge of what happened to this child (not for the squeamish) hit me in the face. And I just felt my heart go out to her, even though she’ll never know. I feel for that child, though I don’t know why.
• Court reporting is quite possibly the easiest gig there is. You go. You watch. You take notes (in my case, feverishly). You go on morning break. You go on 1.5-hr lunch. You go on afternoon break. You finish at 4:30. Unreal. (Though I should add, during all those breaks I was writing up stories, so it’s not like I actually got the time off… but it’s like designed to make life easy for reporters!)
• I can’t for the life of me figure out why the CBC would pay for a Canadian Press story when they have their own reporter there on the scene filing every couple of hours with more updates and more information than can had from the CP source. I’m more than a little insulted. Also? Had they of asked I would likely have written up a copy of my radio scripts for the web, no biggie. I’m nice that way.

And now? Bed. I actually almost fell asleep between posting tidbit # 4 and 5. I’m so beat it’s not funny. And of course, the pup is ultra-hyper because I think he slept the whole time I was gone.

Aaaand then today I got a parking ticket.

The irony being of course that today, I fed the meter all day long, starting at 9am sharp.

And dutifully moved it every 2 hours (because dem’s the rules).

And at some point mid-day I missed the expiry by about 10 minutes at the VERY MOST.

And got a ticket.

Amazing.

OH MY GOD I JUST WROTE TWO POSTS ABOUT PARKING METERS. THIS IS WHY NORTHERN BLOGGERS HAVE THEIR OWN WORLD. BECAUSE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ELSE OUT THERE IS JUST TOO DIFFERENT.

So apparently, I hike now. And, apparently, I like it.

Yesterday the pup and I packed up and hit Kalamoir park… it’s a regional park 5 minutes from my house. If there’s anything Kelowna’s got going for it, it’s the number of dog-friendly parks and hiking trails.

See… the thing about hiking is that it’s basically walking. I like walking. And hiking is just walking… plus some elevation. I’m not so much a big fan of the elevation part… but the vast majority of hiking trails are set up so you go down a path and then have no choice but to climb back up if you ever want to get home.

This is very sneaky, and also very smart. It tricks lazy-butts like me into getting exercise. And that’s certainly not a bad thing.

But the other great thing about hiking (aka walking-with-elevation) is that it generally provides for endless photographing opportunity. I have been pretty slack with my photography since I left the island. Life’s been kind of busy lately… though as I say that I can’t for the life of me think of what I’ve been doing.

I guess part of it is just growing pains: adjusting to a new job, to a new town, to a new life… that’s tiring. So I spend a lot of my time it seems in ‘recovery mode.’ But things are getting easier. This past week was the ‘easiest’ so far at work. Story ideas came easier (though call-backs didn’t… *grumble) and my writing’s getting tighter. There’s also talk of me going on a training course next month. That’ll be nice, seeing as I don’t think I’ll be able to make it down home for Christmas. Next year. I swear to god, next year I will be going home.

It snowed here on Thursday. It’s November and we hadn’t had any snow at all until then. I woke up in the morning to see this: (you may have seen the header version of this earlier this week)

But now all that snow’s gone… except for up on the mountains. What’s interesting about that photo there is that the snow is blocking out the lake and mountains beyond the trees there. What you are seeing is just the golf course outside my bedroom window. But really, there’s so much more out there that’s being covered by snow-clouds.

Compare that to my current header (taken from this photo:)

Which I took on my hike yesterday. That’s Lake Okanagan and the city of Kelowna beyond it in the background.

Crazy to think that winter started months ago up north… but here it’s still fall and probably will be for another couple weeks at least.

Today? Today I really love my job. Today I came home from work not dead tired and dreading the next morning. Today I came home and immediately slipped on a pair of track pants, donned my favourite hoodie and took the dog for a walk.

This is actually pretty amazing, considering I left the office at about 10:00, drove an hour and a half to a little town by the name of Grindrod in the North Okanagan. I then spent the better part of an hour trying to chase bees out of my hair (curse you Salon Selectives and your sweet-as-nectar hairspray) while simultaneously interviewing beekeepers and local residents. I then booted it back to Kelowna and filed stories for the evening, morning and local AM show.

By all accounts, I should be bushed. And I’m sure I will be(e) once 9:00 rolls around. But today was GOOD. Today I got to LEARN about something new. Today I got to talk to nice people (even though it was in a terrible situation) and today I got to work at my own pace.

And it was great.

I was watching CTV’s footage of the murder we had in town earlier this week (first day on the job = 16 year old cold case solved. Second day on the job = murder) and had to giggle at this little typo:

Oopsie!

I don’t know why I’m posting this. The reporter & videographer who did this story are super nice guys. And lord knows I’ve had my share of mistakes.

This one just happens to be online. And the blog has felt neglected this week.

I love the show House. I really, truly do. I love the witty banter, I love the science and I love that 3 years ago I had the chance to interview one of the staff writers. That was pretty darn cool.

But one of the downsides of shows like House and ER is they make you a little paranoid. A touch hypochondriac. And for me, a tad concerned that when a real problem comes up everyone will think you’re faking.

There was a time not too long ago when I refused to go to the doctor. At one point, in my final year of university, I slammed the door of our apartment shut on my finger and it hurt SO BAD I couldn’t write or type and it was of course right around final paper and exam time. I refused to see a doctor about it, didn’t want to be a wuss and doctors had for the longest time made me really anxious. Eventually my boyfriend at the time convinced me to go to a clinic. I had fractured the tip of my finger.

My how things have changed.

I had to go to the hospital tonite. Four nights in a new town and I’ve already seen the inside of its ER. I was having some strange heart palpitations/flutters yesterday during the workday. They went away when I got home and thought it was just first-day-of-work jitters. They came back today at work and only got worse when I got home (and today I found WAY less stressful). After trying for hours to get through the 811 number (dial-a-nurse – I didn’t want to go to emergency for something silly) my mom finally coerced me into going to the hospital.

I’m glad I did, but not because we found out what was wrong or anything. Every time they hooked me up to the ECG machine the flutters would lay dormant. It was so frustrating, and of course as I write this I’ve had at least 10 or so palpitations/flutters. But at least they believed me. They took blood to run some tests and referred me to the Electrocardiography department. They’re going to set me up with a little do-dad that will monitor my heart activity for a full 24 hours so at least that way SOMETHING will show up.

Hopefully this is just something minor. It likely is, the doctors/nurses didn’t admit me, so obviously that means something. And when I’m not getting those fluttery waves in my chest I feel fine. It’s just a little un-nerving to have to deal with this when everything is still so new and I don’t really have a support system built up yet.

But I guess that’s what the phone and email are for.

Me goin’ all “white chicks and gang signs” with my hot electrodes and hosptial bracelet. Who says sick ain’t sexy?

©2009 by guest blogger, Tom Volkar, of http://DelightfulWork.com

Donna says, “As Saturn makes its last stop in Virgo and quickly moves on to square Pluto in Capricorn, fears about the future of our jobs, lifework, and financial survival seem overwhelming to so many of us.  I’m nominating Tom Volkar’s site, Delightfulwork.com as my Internet Find of the Week because of his dedication to helping self-employed people reach their fullest potential. I don’t know of any full-time astrologers who aren’t self-employed, so when I ran across his site, I asked his permission to reprint this post. Though he doesn’t know much about Saturn, he surely addressed key current issues in the article below. Let’s hear what he has to say.”

For every entrepreneur who has already seized the freedom of self-employment, there are at least 10 who want to but hesitate to take the leap. As a coach, it’s obvious to me that these folks are looking at what they fear – rather than what they want. But how can we encourage them? How can we help them to take action in spite of their fears?

Here’s one way. As a card-carrying member of the Eternal Optimists’ Club, I often ask this question when faced with an unexpected challenge. What’s good about it?

This morning I began pondering what’s good about my fears? What’s the value of fears? Fears arise for a reason. Behind every fear is a path that leads to greater freedom and fulfillment. So one could reasonably argue that fears point to a value that we cannot see until we face the fear.

In order to bring forth our pure and fearless selves, we need to face and examine the fears that are coming up for us in the present moment. We won’t find the gold by being afraid to look, and we won’t find it by looking in the wrong place.

Often a coaching client will share that he or she is in a funk and doesn’t know what it is, or what has caused it. Then the client will begin an ineffective pursuit to find out why. Why do I feel this way? When struggling, do not seek to understand why it is that you struggle. You’ll seldom be able to find the truth from that perspective.

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

Instead, try making the assumption that you are fearful of something that needs further exploration. Instead of asking the judgment-laden question: What’s wrong with me? Or: Why am I feeling this way? Ask: What do I fear? If you are the kind of person who avoids facing your fears, you may have more than one fear. No sweat, just write them all down until the most demanding culprit reveals is itself. Then inquire internally to find one or more things that are good about the specific fear.

There is hidden gold waiting to be mined just beneath the surface of your fears. You just need an approach that will help you to see the gold. Below, I’ve offered five approaches to uncover it. First read the approach and then answer the accompanying fear identifier.

Fears point to decisions that need to be made.

What decision(s) have I been putting off?

Fears show us that greater truths need to be realized.

Since fears are imagined and not real, they are there to help us to transition to what is real. What greater truth am I not seeing because I’ve been afraid to look?

Fears alert us to potential danger.

What signs am I misreading or not seeing that could cause me harm?

Fears expose our erroneous self-judgments.

Where have I been doubting and judging myself without any proof that it’s true?

Fears show us what is stopping us by revealing our excuses.

What stories have I been telling myself in the form of excuses that stop me from taking action?

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. Dale Carnegie.

In order to be fearless, we need to face our fears as they arise. That way there is no build-up and nothing lying in wait that comes back to get us.

Your fears are your friends. They exist to show you value that you haven’t yet seen. Don’t allow them to determine your destiny by fearing. Instead, allow them to shine a light on your optimum path by courageously facing them.

If you’ve read this far and still have fears, then you have yet to answer the questions above. Answer them and become the fearless creator you were meant to be.

Donna recommends:  Visit Tom’s site for a wealth of articles for the self-employed.  DelightfulWork.com is my Internet Find of the Week.

About Tom Volkar: Tom Volkar has been career coaching full time since 1998; go to http://Coreu.com to read about his coaching. Tom Blogs on issues facing the self-employed at http://DelightfulWork.com and is currently helping hundreds reconnect their link between authenticity and abundance through http://BigLinkRally.com; go there for a FREE True Calling Guidebook.

I’m amazed I’m even trying to write this post. My brain is SO fried and my thoughts flowing like cold molasses going uphill… but yet here I am. And some how I made it through my first day of work, alive. Which is no small miracle, I’ll tell you.

Let’s just say working news in Kelowna is a liiiitle different than working news in Rankin. And I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, and VERY VERY glad I’m teaming up with the girl who’s been filling in for me this first week.

Today we filed probably 4 or 5 different stories on a 16-year old murder case that finally had a break and a suspect was arrested this weekend. I’ve always dreaded writing my first murder case* and speaking with the family, but this one went remarkably smooth. The family actually WANTED to talk. But then, like I said, they’ve had 16 years to grieve. This was a positive turn for them, I suppose. Then we did a bunch of stories/debriefs and cut tape for the morning shown too.

I got home from work and was just so exhausted I didn’t even have the energy to boil a potato. So I literally threw a piece of salmon on a baking pan without any seasonings or salt or pepper or oil and took Sully out for a mini walk. When I got back, the fish was cooked and I was in a better head space. I was so hungry I didn’t even get out a plate. I tore it apart with my fingers, and somehow mustered up the drive to cook two more ‘courses’ and make it a real meal.

If every day is like today, I don’t know if my love of cooking will survive. But then again, sixteen-year-old cold cases DON’T get solved every day. And I am pretty rusty.

I’m sure I’ll get into the swing of things in due time.

Also? The new office has a whole CLOSET of CBC swag. And I do heart me some good swag!

*To be fair, there was one murder in Rankin while I was there, but the charges were dropped

Abridged Version

            Ask Yourself represents the process of questioning one’s own thinking and/or actions.  Ask Yourself is the asking the important questions about Who, What, When and Why many times each day. Ask yourself wants you to learn the answers about your thinking, your feeling, your believing and even those things you disbelieve.  Ask Yourself wants you to know yourself and the world a whole lot better. Ask Yourself wants you to ask lots of questions from your head and your heart.

 Unabridged Version

            Ask Yourself is, asking yourself and asking Ourselves. AY is the Thinker. AY is the Feeler. AY is the Processor of Thoughts and Feelings. AY is Dreams.  AY is Logic.  AY is Emotions & Moods.  AY is The Supreme Processor both rational and irrational or any mix of both.  AY is Strategy and Tactics whether they be how to use food coupons to save a buck or how to survive in a thermo-nuclear war.  AY is the Visioner and Planner.  AY is the Visualizer and Imaginer.  AY is all things of the Heart and Mind that deal with Processing. AY adds and subtracts and does differential equations too.  AY Reflects.  AY Asks Questions in general.  AY does so inside our head and heart or spoken outside or a personal mix of both. AY can process things using the Heart or Mind or both at once, as a Whole.  AY happens within and among us.  Teams AY together and do so to varying degrees of success.  A team can be parents, a research group, the UN in session, a PTA or kids playing basketball.  AY is Inner Dialogue recognized or not, inside and out.  AY is Talking To Yourself.  AY creates opinions and judgements. AY can do what it does through intellect and intuition, objectively or subjectively or a mix of both. AY takes time to happen.  AY is as varied as human beings are varied.  The way we AY depends on our genes and our experience. Most important, how we AO depends on our genes and role models. AY like all the rest has three interrelated aspects. They are The Heart, The Mind and The Whole.  AY’s position on Le Wave with the rest of the Le Toonz gang is in front of LetGo and behind DoIT.  AY can come up first or last.  It depends on the person and the situation.  Most generally we think of AY as just thinking.  The most advanced form of AY is found when one asks their SELF, their ESSENCE.

Our YOUnique LeCozmos

 

Abridged Version

The “Le” in Le Toonz refers to “Learning as Evolving.  Toonz is cartoon with a Z. The Z means anything you want it to mean. The “Evolving” part refers to our development, growth and living fully each day.  It assumes that we are all disposed in a multi-faceted fashion to do something significant with our lives.  LTZ is about some serious stuff but that’s not why kids buy them.  They buy them because they are new, fun and seem to make them feel better for some unexplainable reason.  That which we won’t explain through the consumed layer of Le Toonz we will touch on here.

Unabridged Version

LTZ is about becoming aware and acting with intention about that which is Significant about us or what we call Our SELF.  LTZ are a simple and complicated group of characters illustrating what we consider to be a universal set of interconnected, linear and nonlinear, predominately human processes of thought and feeling.  You’ll see what we mean by “predominantly human” later. Simply speaking LTZ is a team.  LTZ are a highly active bunch.  They work best when they work together.  They educate, coach and lead us to the 6W’s – the Who, What, Where and When, How and WHY of us.  LTZ work on many levels at the same time.  You can do many things at once in the parallel universe of LTZ.  LTZ lead us to the personal and intentionally livable discovery of what many loosely refer to as the phenomena of Synergy, a dynamic phenomenon we take very, very seriously here in LTZville.  You’ve heard about this phenomenon from a multitude of mouths.  And may even know its specific definition – the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts. That is to say, LTZ exist to help us discover that which makes us all special and that which makes us “YOUnique”.

            LTZ represents a combination of fundamental life and living processes that every human being and every mix of human beings, from families to economies to countries, utilize every moment of their waking lives.  Yes, we think of economies as living processes in that they are based on human systems playing in real-time and overtime with each other.  The same would apply to education, politics, and ecosystems.

             LTZ live in three basic and entwined dimensions:  psychological, physical and spiritual.  We assume mood and emotion operate within a combined psychophysical interpretation.  Simplifying these three in LTZville we call these the Head, Heart and Whole Self-dimensions or facets of a human being.  Each LTZ can operate and effect change through separate, combined or merged, intellectual, visceral and spiritual actions.  The optimal way to process in LTZ lingo is as a “Whole”.  This would mean that all three of the above dynamic dimensions are operating together- seamlessly.  LTZ are most alive when they are Whole.  The Whole form of LTZ activities results as a combination of the Head and Heart operating at the same time and without separation.  You don’t just think a thing you feel it as well and at the same time.  In effect when we are Whole, our Minds and Hearts (or Head and Heart) are not separate processing dimensions, they are one.  For example, the LTZ character Ah-Ha represents the concept, moment and experience of human insight. It distinguishes those thoughts that are intellectual, objective, factual or logical, etc. from those thoughts of the heart, which are visceral emotion and deeply felt.  When an Ah-Ha occurs that combines both these dimensions of the Head and the Heart without separation, it is considered a Whole Ah-Ha. We need to have these more often and that’s an indeterminable understatement. 

            Luckily as it turns out, there is no specific religious order to LTZ.  They did not come from any religious ideology.  This Self-evolving and Self-systems evolving process model which LTZ enjoyably illustrates for kids and families, can and has acted as a support vehicle for any denomination or religious order.  All the LTZ characters exist without antagonism within any ideology.  They are truly universal.

             Speaking of Universal. The beauty of LTZ is found in their universal operation independent of people but existing for the sole purpose of assisting them in figuring out what makes them distinctive.  Here we see the simply complicated aspects of LTZ surface.  We can say we all learn differently yet we all learn just the same.  The idea of merging learning into one process and seeing our universality and our individual distinctiveness or Significance, is as one ongoing affair. We can say we all evolve individually yet we all evolve, more or less, just the same. LTZ operates universally to unfold that which is special about us as an individual or as a complex system of individuals.  LTZ then shows us that our distinctiveness or human-ness, and the knowing of such, is just the start of a personal life process.  In knowing what makes us different and from this, or in parallel with this, and as whole individuals, we can then begin to know most consciously and with intention what makes us whole.

            On the simple side, LTZ’s are about Consciousness.  Our most basic awareness that one’s Life Purpose comes from the action of creating one’s SELF.  With the help of LTZ, our actionable awareness matures and Our Purpose unfolds best in a particular Place and Time, with Particular People doing a Particular montage of things, acting as an individual or as a group/whole.  As a key can only open a door if its specific and distinctive groves match that of the lock, so we can only open doors best together if we match up specifically with others.  It is in the matching, the complimenting, that we are bigger than we are alone where we discover real Synergy for the first time.  Through LTZ we see that Wholeness within ourselves happens on one vortex.  Wholeness with the world happens within another connected vortex. These two have to merge.  They are born and evolve in parallel yet have to merge. So, Whole Wholeness or True Purpose is appreciated and seen through LTZ as the enfolding of Wholeness within and without, the World and Us. Our Place and Time and Significance with others playing life out, lights out, in a complex tapestry of Synergistic Jazz ensembles from 2 to a 10 billion!  It is in the complimenting that we are Whole and that we Know Synergy.

             In personal distinction-driven, gift-driven and Significance-driven teamwork true synergy happens.  Our purpose as one or as one world is only accomplished when we live true synergy.  And it never stops evolving.  It always evolves.  With the birth of each child a fresh tapestry appears and the ever-changing montage of human distinctions will remain a mystery waiting to be discovered.   Something never seen before has arrived. This is why LTZ operate as interpretive characters representing our human processes. 

            It is through interpretation with a backbone, with a process skeleton, we allow ourselves to individually discover OurSelf.  Any human assessment diagnostic must be interpretive and evolving by design to give a person, or system thereof, the ability to see OurSelf(s) most clearly, fully, colorfully and potently whole as One.

The last couple days have been a mess for me. I’ve been traveling, I’ve been stressing, I’ve been planning and I’ve been calculating.

All these are good things, really. Because it means what I’m NOT doing is laying in bed all day watching television.

But it DOES mean that I’ve been going through a roller coaster of emotions. I’m a control freak and so few of the details have been worked out (because I’m definitely the first re-hire in BC, and certainly one of the first across the country) that I have gone into hyper-planning mode, working out every possible worst-case scenario, “just in case.”

You see, yesterday I picked up my letter of offer from the post office. Inside, I found information about my salary and start date… and the budget set aside for my move. At first glance, I whooped with joy. The amount they were going to give me to move looked HUGE. The letter says that I …

…will be reimbursed for relocation expenses as applicable: a house hunting trip, moving of household effects and transportation and travel accommodation to a maximum of 11k.

But as Kennie would know better than anyone else, a cross-country move isn’t cheap. And when most people say “cross-country” they mean from Ontario to Alberta. And I’m all the way over here in PEI. That’s a big difference.

AAAANYways. My point is that I was freaking out a little because I’m expected to report for work on the 26th of October, and I want to be there a bit ahead of time, to get a little bit ‘acclimatized’ with the place before starting work.

The thing is, it’s probably not possible for me to do it all. I think in the end, I won’t be going on a house-hunting trip, though I really wanted to. I would much rather have my housing settled before I move myself there, but I don’t think that’s going to be possible. But I think that’s okay. I have found an apartment, 10 minute drive from work, absolutely beautiful, between a golf course and a winery, fits my budget, and is pet-friendly. It looks right now like it will work out, I’ve been in contact with them and they are ready to start the paperwork at the end of the week. If this falls in to place, the rest will be much easier, and I won’t worry near as much about the budget factor.

I know that in the end there is a way to make the move on the cheap, but it would involve driving a Uhaul truck from PEI to Kelowna, towing my little green car and 700km a day. I could do it, including gas, food and hotels for about 5 grand, but time is a factor.

At this point, I’m probably way too prepared for my own good, and have made more arrangements than any sane person would ever bother to do, but this is my coping mechanism. When a situation is out of my control (like when other people will be scheduling estimates and booking plane tickets and are a world away) I try and control what I can.

And in this case, maybe that means making the arrangements for a place and doing complex math to figure out if I HAVE TO if I CAN make the move by myself.

Just four weeks away….

…meeting your goals when you least expect it.

I would probably describe myself as a goal-oriented person. Few things satisfy me more than a finished product. That’s why I think I like quilting so much. While the process keeps me busy, the end product is just so beautiful, it makes the time consuming task of putting the darn thing together completely worth it.

When I was finishing up my last year of university, I approached my radio professor and asked what he suggested I do if I wanted to work for CBC. He said the north was probably the best place to start, and that he knew the program manager in Nunavut. He gave me the man’s email address, I sent my resume along, but was told there weren’t any openings at that time.

A few weeks later, my professor asked if I was billingual, I said yes… and he sent my contact information onto another friend/colleague, the manager out of Quebec City. A couple weeks later, I was hired on contract for four months, to cover summer vacations. I turned down a permanent weekly newspaper job to take the CBC gig, even though it was only for a few months. Working for CBC had been my dream. And I got it. Straight out of school.

So I set a new goal for myself. I didn’t just want to work for the CBC, I wanted to feel safe. I wanted a permanent job. It quickly became apparent Quebec City wouldn’t have enough money to keep me on full time through the fall, so I started to look at the jobs site for other opportunities.

A couple months in, I got an email from the manager in Nunavut. A reporter job was being advertised in Rankin Inlet, I should apply. So I did, on a lark. I did the necessary research, I read blogs, I boned up on my Nunavut and Rankin Inlet trivia. And somehow, this CBC neophite with just 4 months experience (CURRENT AFFAIRS experience, I might add) landed her first permanent job with the CBC.

My first month on the job was spent laughing off the “Why you’re just a BABY!” comments. It was true. I was young (haha, okay, still am). Young and carefree and optimistic. My life goal of being a full-time, permanent employee of the MOTHERCORP had been accomplished. At twenty-two.

I don’t know who it was who first asked me, but somewhere along the line came the question of “what’s next.” And out nowhere I pulled this totally unacheiveable goal of working at the Vancouver bureau for the 2010 olympics.

You see, the family and I spent three weeks in and around Vancouver, Vancouver Island, Whistler and the Okanogan when I was 17 and I fell in love with the place. An Island girl at heart, I loved the Pacific almost as much as I loved the Atlantic, and I was enchanted with the lifestyle. I can remember standing with my feet in the sand in West Vancouver, the sand stretching as far as I could see to my left, and the water in front of me. Beyond it, mountains. To my right was the city and sky scrapers and at my back, trees. On the sand was a group of people playing beach volleyball. It was lunchtime, and the players were businessmen who had thrown their suit jackets and dress shoes to the side of the court and rolled up their pantlegs. I was convinced Vancouver was THE COOLEST PLACE EVER. And I told myself THIS was a place I could live.

So my Vancouver 2010/CBC goal while a bit of a stretch, was one grounded in location. And I thought that was far enough in the future that it *could* happen, but I knew in my heart it probably wouldn’t. After awhile I stopped telling people that was my new goal, and lost hope that it would happen – especially as news about layoffs came down the pipeline. Suddenly it wasn’t realistic to hope to have a NEW job, it was a big enough challenge to keep the one I had.

And in the end, as most of you know, I didn’t. The Rankin Inlet reporter position was eliminated, and I was sent home.

So I find it quite amusing that two years after having set what seemed like a totally unrealistic and somewhat arbitrary goal… I am closer to it than I ever thought I would be.

And while Kelowna isn’t Vancouver, maybe it’s a better fit (if there’s anything I learned about myself over the past 2 years it’s that I don’t have any immediate desire to live and/or work in a megacity like Toronto or Vancouver: too big, too impersonal, too little space for me and a pup). I’m sure they already have all the plans in place for who’s doing what where and how for Olympics coverage… but maybe there’s a chance I’ll get to sneak in an see something, press pass in hand.

And that’s pretty darn cool.

As I look back on this entry, I realize I have written it more for myself than for you, dear readers. I’ve had a lot of luck and good fortune in my life, often when I’ve been looking the other way.

And sometimes I forget that.

So there’s been some rumblings about a job for me back with the MotherCorp. I’ve had two chats with the program manager in the bureau-which-shall-remain-nameless: one two weeks ago, one this afternoon.

The first time around I was on the road with my sister, and gabbed away about life up north, myself, etc. for a good 20 minutes. She told me there were three openings in the area, in three different towns/cities. One permanent, news. One permanent, current affairs. One maternity leave, current affairs. I explained my preference, and said how I felt about belonging in current affairs. I talked about some of the stories I did up north. I was myself, as much as I could be, under the circumstances.

I didn’t hear anything for a while and the whole experience began to slip from my memory. Until I hit Quebec City on the way back from my epic trip to Montreal/Ottawa. And I was told by former colleagues there that someone had called for a reference. There was only one employer that had their contact info: the program manager from the bureau-which-shall-remain-nameless.

My heart leapt into my throat. Someone was calling my references. It had to be a good sign. I began to walk that delicate line between fantisizing and planning a move to the location of the permanent, current affairs gig. It was further west than I had hoped, but it would be doing what I WANTED to be doing. In a place I’d visited years ago. I could picture myself and Sully frolicking through the streets. It was beautiful.

When the woman called back with a human resources rep this evening, I was buzzing like crazy. The anticipation killed. This could be ‘the one,’ I thought. I began to think deeply and seriously about the flow of my life. I’ve always been an anti-fate-ist, but this was just too much Serendipity – even for me.

And then a little monkey wrench soared into my daydream: the job wasn’t the permanent current affairs gig in the dream-town. It was the permanent news gig in a beautiful city… just not the one I had been imagining.

They asked me again about my news vs. current affairs preference, and I told them the truth. It’s not that I don’t ever want to do news again. I know I didn’t really like it where I was. But why WAS that? Maybe there wasn’t enough to do. Maybe it was the environment. Maybe if I had more variety, I would have liked it better maybe if I got to do a more in-depth piece once in a while I would have wanted to stay. It’s hard to say.

After I hung up the phone, after they said they’d let me know within the week, I sat and wondered if I’d done the right thing. I told them the truth: that I feel much more at home doing current affairs, but at the same time I didn’t want to shoot myself in the foot. I know I’m qualified for this job. I had good answers and examples for all the questions they had of me. But I did tell them that I wanted to get back into a different type of job: that was my end goal.

If I had of said nothing, if I had of gone along like news made my blood pump, got me up in the morning, made me hungry… I would have the job in the bag. But because I was truthful, I may be on more precarious footing.

And I have to wonder (especially as I look at my bank account balance): is it really worth it to be 100% honest in a job interview?