I think that this recession has allowed employers to get away with stuff they wouldn’t normally be able to do.

I have seen many adverts for jobs with employers asking for photos. As far as I knew this was illegal or at least heavily frowned upon. Furthermore people desperate for work will not question it. I have applied for jobs where they have wanted you to do extra duties that would be classed as another higher paid job. e.g. glass collector for club £5.80 ph. includes cleaning the toilets. How much cleaning, just sweeping up or full wash down? Cleaners get paid around £7-10 ph. Would the bar staff clean the toilets? Male or female? I posed these questions to the employer and never received a reply. I have no problem with cleaning. I do tons of it at home and don’t get paid for it.

I recently applied for a job with a “reputable” Glasgow cinema as a marketing and festival assistant/administrator. On interview I was told that on top of the substantial list of duties (bear in mind its minimum wage) I would have to work in different locations, work unpaid weekends and nights and work and clean the cinema bar.

I would like to add here that I have worked since I was 14 and have never been out of a job untill I was made redundant. I work hard and play hard. I see it unfair that due to a shortage of jobs employers take the mick.

Claw

it’s always been kind of funny that we have this holiday (at least in america). aren’t we supposed to be thankful everyday? i guess it’s kind of good in a way, especially for the kinds of lifestyles that have developed over time. we become too busy and self-involved that it’s good to have at least one block of time where we make ourselves sit down and reflect.

i, for one, have everything to be thankful for. i’ve been up and down, to hell and back, since last thanksgiving. so much has happened, so much has changed. even just the past couple of months have been overwhelming. i don’t even know where to start.

i don’t want to write a full novel, but i really just have to say that, this year in particular, i’m thankful for life, strength, and second chances. i really don’t know how i survived all of these changes. i look back on what’s happened since last year’s thanksgiving, and i can’t believe i’m still standing sometimes. i’ve had some of the most amazing times, while at the same time have been through the most trying times i’ve ever experienced in my life. i’ve been on life highs, only to be beaten down to life lows, to be risen up and thrown back down. it’s been a crazy cycle, this past year.

i wouldn’t have been able to make it through without believing that i had the will to do it, or the second chances i’ve been blessed with everyday. i believe that everyday that i wake up is a second chance, and even when the day seems impossible to overcome, i make it through and i get a second chance the next day.

wow, i feel like i’m getting way too deep here. so i’ll leave it at that.

one more thing i’m thankful for … you. you who are reading this right now. for caring. for taking the time to read, and to let me in your life (even though we may not have ever met) through my words. for any prayers you may have sent my way. for even just your thoughts. thanks.

happy thanksgiving everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m currently at my auntie’s place in Maryland, so I’ll try to make this brief–need to play with the family/study for physics . However, I’m pretty sure this will end up being long winded and pictureless.

I’m thankful for many things, but most of all, I’m thankful for all the people in my life.

I’m thankful my parents. They’ve given me everything and asked for nothing in return. I’ve only begun to appreciate them recently. I’ve also only begun to learn to love their quirkiness and the meaning behind their actions. If only I had realized it sooner, haha.

I’m thankful for my siblings and family. Nothing can compare to them Weekends hanging out. Coming back to a room full of smiles. We’re not super close. We don’t know everything about each other, but if I need someone, you are there without a question. I’m thankful for all the little things we do which have come to be tradition. Thankful for the new additions to the family (Baby Melissa!), and for those who are gone Miss you dearly, grandma.

I’m thankful for all my friends. I don’t know if I could ever list all the people I’m thankful for, and one sentence couldn’t possibly sum up how much you all mean to me at the moment. However, I do know that without you there, I’m not sure what I would do (or would have done). I have memories associated with each and everyone of you, for which I’m thankful.

I’m thankful for Giselle: I couldn’t have asked for better roommates. I love all our inside jokes. I love our wall of silliness. I love the pictures that adorn our walls. I love when we stay up late and talk about personal hygiene. I love when we get excited for each other because our packages came in the mail. I love when we eat together (and the lengths to which we go to get food).

I’m thankful for life, as it is now, how it has been, and how it will be (no matter what happens).

9 glass of red wine + some beer = drunk Eugene

Its been so long since I smell vomit. The whole car, my jacket, my hair, reeks of vomit. Eugene puke and puke. I was rather worried that he is going to get the mess all over me. Haha. Sorry little brother. But you see, vomit stinks! We wanted to buckle Eugene properly but he kept taking off the seat belt himself. And he SMASH left and right whenever TL makes a sharp turn. I was so worried he is gonna puke a second round, cause there is no more bags for him to puke in. He kept telling me that he wished Manda was there with him at his cousin’s wedding, I know how he feels. Got him safely home.

I love the night sky.. so pretty..

me.me.me in cap & hoodies

the pretty henderson wave bridge @ night!

me w/o flash

sentosa merlion at night! the evil merlion!!!! =X

city lights @ orchard.. prettyyy

I am going prawning and fishing with hunney bunny and his family tomorrow. May be meeting ron tomorrow to celebrate his belated 20th birthday. More pictures tomorrow. Happy Hari Raya people! I love public holidays!

P/s: Eugene if you are reading this, you kept hitting my shoulder and wailing for Manda! Zz. PAIN LA! Talk about me slapping you. OMG you are hitting me. Zz.

Pp/s: I am addicted to tic tock by kesha. I love it when this song comes on!!

… or else keep mean words to yourself.

Thursday November 26, 2009 By Kevin Morrow

A couple years ago I set out on a mission to BE MYSELF. I really didn’t know exactly what I meant, but I knew it was something I needed to do. I felt like I was doing what other people were telling me, and not what I felt was right for me.

To be yourself you have to let a lot of things that don’t matter go. I have slowly realized this. I feel like a lot of people measure progress by time. Like four years from high school you graduate college and that is an accomplishment. I tend to see things a little differently. I think that your progress is really an uncovering of your self.

But it seems to me the more I hold on to things that are restricted by time, the more I am measuring my growth based on something that fades away. Every accomplishment will eventually fade away with time.

I have to ask myself, “What is self improvement really?” What does it mean to me?

My answer has to do with my mind and the reality that I experience. In order for me to do this I feel like I have to live my self image. Which at times has a lot to do with money. I look at money though and I see something that I would not want my self image to represent. As far as the the paper material.

I feel as if my self image is much bigger than I actualize. I know this to be due to how my mind sees reality. The thing is, if I put my self image value into material things that pass away, I am building a foundation on a spider web. Another way to put it it, “I’m skating on thin ice.” So what is the strongest foundation.

For me my strongest foundation has been that I know I can do better. I know I can be more loving in all aspects of my life. I feel that love is my real self image. But if I limit myself to something then I’m not open to other possibilities.

Also, when I identify money with my self image, something else shows up. The idea of loss. If I need money that means I’m lacking something, and when I have money that means it’s possible to lose it. This is where worry shows up.

A lot of people tell me that they are afraid to lose money, or they are afraid to lose their boyfriend/girlfriend, and this really makes me think. If I identify with money as my personal growth, I’ll limit myself from a lot of experiences.

I have told myself that I’m no longer afraid to be a what I know I can be. Instead of studying other people, I studied myself and then I compared my thoughts to those who were in positions I viewed as “high achievements.”

I have to ask myself what is it that I think I have to achieve? Me, and nobody else, what do I have to achieve? I had no answer for myself.

The only thing I know for certain is that I want to strengthen my faith in the higher power. In my mind I feel as though I don’t have to strengthen my faith. I feel like I just have to remember it.

Now I have come to a good solution within my mind. This is how I can live my life without being afraid. If I live my life out of unconditional love, remember my faith in the higher power/which in turn strengthens my faith in the higher power, I will have my real achievement.

Imagine I have no fear of money, therefore situations appear to mirror that reality in my life. This means to that however the money comes to me, I will not be afraid to lose it. I’m not afraid to lose it because I know that no matter what happens I will always have it. Why? Well because I’m not afraid to lose it.

If your not afraid to lose something, it must mean you have it. Either that or you don’t have it, or don’t care for it, but I used the first example as an illustration.

Worry and doubt are the opposites of FAITH

I’ve learned in my life that worry and doubt are the opposites of faith. The things I have faith in happening, actually happen in my life. This is something I rolled around my thoughts until the light bulb clicked.

There is a difference between me being a multimillionaire that thinks the money is who I am, and being a multimillionaire that knows the money is just a material tool. The more I feel the money is who I am, the more depressed I can get about the amount I have right now. But if I don’t look at it like that, I open myself up to infinite possibility.

My relationship with basketball has helped heal my mind…

The best examples I can give come from my relationship with basketball. I use to identify who I was with how I could play basketball. This was very shaky with me because my self image definitely is bigger than the current situation looks like. The key though, is that it only appears that way if that’s how I’m looking at it.

Today it doesn’t make sense to me that I put my self worth into how I perform on the court. There will be on days and off days. Some days I will dominate the court and some days I may not. So where does my self worth rest? To me it’s in who I help, and how I contribute to the team, whether physically or mentally or both.

That is a big challenge to me. I don’t want to dominate other people, I want to help everyone be their best, and in turn be my best at the same time. I also have a different view of domination. I see it as will-power instead. The will to win, the will to overcome defense, the will to overcome mental lapses. That’s what I view what some call domination. When I play against someone, I want them to make me better.

I see myself in people I know…

A lot of people I know play college ball, play pro ball, and I up until this blog I haven’t played as I see myself. These are creations of my mind. Because I get thrilled when I see somebody I know playing college ball or pro ball, all I want to do is help them become better in any way I can.

I love to see people live their dreams, its fun. I know a guy right now who plays basketball in northern Cali, and I think that he has the ability to play in the NBA. Maybe apart of me sees myself in him or something. Maybe that’s what happens when I see anybody I know playing college or pro. I think to myself, if I were them I would want to know that other people believed in me.

I know a few players who lived in my same city who are playing overseas and or about to. It brings a smile across my face. Something that they may never know, but I know. I feel it within me everyday.

It may sound strange but this is my blog and I put it all out there. I had a conversation about rappers calling themselves the king of rap, or even the God of rap as Jay-z would say.The thing with that is, there can never be a clear winner, and they are claiming something that will fade away. What is the point?

And what good is being a King if you don’t help other people?
I’m not saying they don’t do these things, I was just throwing the idea out there.

Check this out, if I put my worth into how I can play basketball, then anytime I’m defeated I may feel as though I’m nothing. Instead I should remember that I am SOMETHING, and focus on what should be done to win the next game.

I’ve been there. I can play basketball with the best of players. But when I identify and look at my situation then depressed feelings come in because my current situation is not what it could be. These are all things of that past that I no longer do. But I’m using my past to illustrate how the mind shapes its reality.

These are all images in the mind. I play the game because it’s fun. To me it’s fun when everyone on the team is on the same page, and the highlights are flowing, and the defense is intense. I love the energy of the game. But if I think that’s who I am, I become vulnerable to things that are counterproductive to who I think I am. Unless of course I know who I am.

I only view it as self improvement when I’m identifying with things that are subject to change. If I base my self-image off of things like love, teamwork,making others better, and contributing to the overall good of all, then I feel a true sense of accomplishment. It seems that’s just who I am.

I could play for any team in the NBA and contribute to them mentally and physically and I know I would contribute in a positive way. Where I am mentally I can feel this as true reality. Even if I didn’t play, I know that mentally I could help any team just based on how I view reality.

When I say things like this, it’s like I’m remembering myself.
When I set out on this journey that’s what I intended to do. I felt like I knew there was a greater me waiting to be uncovered.

It’s like coming out of amnesia, the whole time people are telling you who you are or were, but you have to uncover who you are for yourself. And who you are is always there no matter what. Everything that’s not real fades away, while everything that’s real lives on. That sentence is deeper than it looks for those that view themselves as “thinkers.”

Thank you for reading.

-Kevin

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just spent three hours straight watching commercials.  And I have no idea why, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Me: 0; Corporate Brainwashing: 1 

Hello Everyone! I hope that all of you are having a wonderful day with your friends and families. Although we weren’t able to travel this year and no one was able to travel to us, Scott and I are still making the most of it. I made us a nice breakfast of scrambled tofu, facon, and toast and jam this morning, and then Scott and I began the process of cooking our feast! Also Scott ran to Hannaford for Aluminum Foil because I totally forgot it yesterday!

I decided to go ahead and make our pie last night so that, 1) I could ensure it tasted ok (not that I don’t trust you, Alicia Silverstone. I just like to try things for myself before I serve them to anyone else) and 2) it’s one fewer thing I had to do today. I found the recipe on Alicia Silverstone’s website . Here it is!

Tofu Pumpkin Pie
http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=6174.0

SERVES 8

INGREDIENTS
1 can (16 ounces) pureed pumpkin
1/2 cup maple syrup OR 1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground allspice, optional
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg, optional
2-3 tablespoons cornstarch to firm up the pie filling
1 package (10-12 ounces) silken/soft tofu
1 9-in unbaked vegan pie shell

STEPS
Preheat oven to 425 F.
Blend the pumpkin and maple syrup or sugar.
Add salt, spices, cornstarch and tofu, mix thoroughly.
Pour mixture into pie shell and bake for 15 minutes. Lower heat to 350 F and bake for another 60 minutes.
Chill and serve.
NOTE: Don’t use the low fat tofu, then the pie tastes like it was made with tofu.

My very first pumpkin pie ever!

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I also made a Vegan Green Bean Casserole. I haven’t made one of these in a long time, and I definitely haven’t made a vegan version. This isn’t your mom and pop canned mushroom soup variety, either. This recipe was found at the FatFree Vegan Kitchen . Enjoy & Thanks SusanV for such a great recipe!

Vegan Green Bean Casserole

http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2006/11/best-vegan-green-bean-casserole.html
Beans
2 quarts water
1 tablespoon table salt (Alanna says it’s essential)
1 1/2 pounds fresh green beans, trimmed and cut into bite-size pieces

Bring the water to boil in a large pot. While it’s heating, cut up the beans. Add the salt and beans to the boiling water. Cover and cook for 6 minutes. Drain beans in a colander, and then spray for a minute with cold water to stop the cooking. Let them drain in the colander, shaking every now and then to get off all the water.

Sauce

10 ounces mushrooms
3 cloves garlic, minced
generous pinch cayenne pepper (optional)
Salt to taste
Fresh pepper to taste
2 tablespoons flour
3/4 cup vegetable broth
1 tablespoon dry sherry
3/4 cup soy creamer (or try full-fat unsweetened soymilk)

Trim and discard the mushroom stems and chop the mushrooms into pieces. Spray a non-stick pan with canola oil and heat it. Add the mushrooms, garlic, cayenne, salt, and pepper. Cook until mushrooms are very soft and exude their juices. Whisk the flour into the vegetable broth and add to the mushrooms along with the sherry. Simmer, stirring, until mixture thickens. Add the soy creamer and simmer until thick, about 5 to 10 minutes. Adjust the seasonings and stir in the beans.

Topping

1 1/2 slices whole grain bread
1 tablespoon Earth Balance margarine (the best tasting margarine in the world and no trans-fat)
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/16 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 3-ounce can of French fried onions ( I used a different, zip package type because the store didn’t have the canned version)

Put the bread, margarine, salt, and pepper into a food processor and pulse until crumbly. Pour into a bowl and add the onions. Stir to combine.

To assemble:

Put the green beans into an oiled casserole dish and top with the onion mixture. Bake at 425 F for about 15 minutes. If you are not serving this right away, refrigerate the topping separately; bring to room temperature before sprinkling the topping on the casserole and baking for about 20 minutes or until hot throughout.

Vegan Green Bean Casserole

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And of course it wouldn’t be Thanksliving in my house without a sweet potato casserole…but I don’t have a recipe for it…I just put it together and season it to taste. I can tell you what’s in it though, lol. This year, Scott helped me make it.

First, peel and cut up several sweet potatoes and boil them until tender. Drain by pouring into a colander.

Next, mash sweet potatoes with potato masher (or I just use my kitchen aid mixer) adding vegan butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon to taste (Obviously it depends on how many sweet potatoes you cooked as to how much of these things you need to add. Add a little at a time so that you don’t overdo it. You can always add more, but you can’t take it away after it’s mixed in.)

Spread this mixture into a casserole dish and top it with this delicious topping (I hate marshmallows unless they are the burnt kind you put on smores and I can’t eat them anyway because they are made with gelatin):

Mix about a cup of brown sugar…maybe an eighth of a cup or so of flour, about a 1/2 Tbsp of baking powder, and 3-4 tablespoons of melted vegan butter until you have a nice crumbly mix. Adjust accordingly until you get there. Sprinkle this evenly on your sweet potato mixture and add some chopped pecans and a sprinkle of cinnamon to the top (if you like nuts).

Bake at 400 for about 15 minutes or until the topping looks nice and raised and crispy good. Check on it often, you don’t want your nuts to burn!

Sweet potato casserole

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And of course there is stuffing/dressing. Since it’s just me and Scott this year, I didn’t make it from scratch. I just bought a handy box of Stovetop Cornbread stuffing! Woot!

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And for the big new thing this year, I made seitan turkey loaf!  I got this recipe from this Bryanna Clark Grogan’s website and it is was absolutely delicious! I can’t wait to make a sandwich with it tomorrow!

I’m not going to post the recipe here because it is VERY long, but you can go to the link above and see for yourself

Seitan "turkey" loaf with mushroom gravy

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So that was our Thanksliving meal! Or at least our non-turkey vegan feasting and drinking day meal! I hope all of you had a wonderful day filled with food and family and friends!

We live in a world where words seem no more important than the next. Whether they are thrown around to cover up our situations or to shadow our feelings, words, impacting words, loses all credibility and meaning. Because feelings, are just that, and situations sometimes turn for the worse but we are no less misfortunate than our next door neighbor. But we sure make it worse than it really is, don’t we? We feel that OUR problems are the worse, no will understand and becoming the victim is much easier than just accepting it, learning from it. What is it about our nature where we yield to the toughest challenges in our lives?

Character growth is the greatest gift, and because character is an invisible gift, its difficult to measure what’s good character and character that seems to have some moral uncertainty. But how can we determine between the two when “easy” becomes the word say in our head the most. I never get a chance to reflect or grow when things come easy, but honestly whenever I get a choice to choose, and if “easy” is a choice I’ll take it. But there are times where choices are hard to make, or times where I have no other choices to make, those are the times where growth seems to happen the most. Our initial journey shouldn’t be the easy road or answer, but that should be our goal. Ask anyone with a successful career or passion. The road to victory is hard road but a rewarding one, both physically and spiritually. Why are all the things of this world that are “bad” the easiest to get but the “good” things are the hardest to achieve?

Today I ask you to think. “Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.” Martin Luther King. I know some of us are already deep thinkers, good. Because on your quest the toughest character to achieve is maturity but when we do, clarity and simplicity will come with your deep thoughts.

Last night I had a dream, a dream of thanksgiving. I know it sounds weird but in my dream I couldn’t speak, all I had was my actions. Then I led to me realize that I didn’t want people to mistake my thankfulness as a form of payment, that I truly do care and love the people around me. But deep down inside I feel like it’s a payment for all the crap inside me that I am dealing with, that as long as I am grateful and showing that I am, it will be enough.  But enough for who?  Does GOD judge you on your actions or your intentions? I am left to answer these things, and I’m truly okay with that. For me that’s the difference between existing and living. Easy is not a choice for me, and I am taught this every day of my life.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”Mother Teresa. So with that, Happy Thanksgiving! And my cliché’ “what am I thankful for” answer is: For everyone who is my life actively, teaching, growing, learning, non-judging, ever-loving me. It’s not “easy” but I’m grateful YOU are there.

-ml

Happy Turkey Day everyone :]]

Today is the day to eat until you pass out because you  can’t fight the itis anymore. Today is the day to spend with the people you love and cherish. Today is a day to be thankful for everything and everyone good in your life. Today is the day to thank God for being alive and being love. Today is a day I hope everyone loves and enjoys.

What are the things I am thankful for today? Hmmm.

I am thankful that I have amazing friends in my live that love me more than I could ever imagine. I am thankful that I have a BEST FRIEND that is the peanut butter to my jelly and gets me forever and always. I am thankful that I have a family to love me, even when I don’t love them very much. I am thankful that I have a God that loves me in so many ways, especially when I’ve seemed to have lost my way. I am thankful that I am smart and that God has blessed me with the skills to make my own way in life. I am thakful that I am breathing and living and enjoying everyday of my life. I am thankful that I have a house to live in and have money (not a lot but some) to buy nice things. I am just plain thankful to be me and be alive. Thank you God <3

What are you thankful for today?

Haters are everywhere. They hate on the most smallest and stupidest things. Haters seem to dwell in places where people have a lot of wealth, fame, and contributions to their name. The most infamous haters like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hanity, Perez Hilton, Kanye West, Ann Coulter, etc. Also the rest of the haters that everybody already know about. Including but not limited to former Bush officials, extreme right/left wingers, racists. This blog was inspired by this article from Politico.com. It tells how some former Bush officials are fuming over the White House’s continued use of the historical “unprecedented.” As if they have a copyright to the term. Also you can click on the link if you want to read our “A Message To The Haters” piece, where we talk more about haters.

Top 10 List on how to Know If You Are A Hater

10.)     Hate on anybody that has a better life than you.

9.)     Criticize folks for their actions, if given the opportunity-you would do the same.

8.)     All you do is talk bad about people all day long.

7.)     Never give credit, even when the person have performed a good deed.

6.)      Take everything out of context.

5.)       Uses other haters talking points.

4.)       Bitterness! Think people actually care what you think.

3.)      Whine! Make up any kind of excuse just to prove your so called point.

2.)      Bring up old stuff to counter new things on a daily basis.

1.)        Always starting a controversy. Whether it’s an argument, fight, 

            convincing uninformed people to join your cause.

Diese Woche ist einfach nur Terror. Viel zu viel zum Lernen. Französisch lief auch nicht ganz so gut wie gedacht.. Ich hab zwar alle Aufgaben, aber der Text war ziemlich doof und zufrieden bin ich nicht wirklich. Morgen ist dann das absolute Horror-Fach Chemie dran. Es ist ja noch nicht genug, dass ich Chemie nicht kann und ich dafür sau viel lernen muss, um wenigstens eine halbswegs annehmbare Note zu bekommen. Nein, jetzt werd ich auch noch krank. Halsschmerzen, Kopfschmerzen, Husten, Unwohlsein. Mir ist sau warm und ich würd am liebsten nur noch im Bett liegen und nichts mehr machen. Morgen die Klausur schreiben wird ja echt ein Spaß. -.-  Dann auch noch morgen Abend die Abivorfete, die darf ich natürlich auch nicht verpassen ^^ Aber heut einfach genügend Tabletten einschmeißen und morgen dann durchstehen. Nächste Woche dann noch Religion und Geschichte, die Seminarfach-Ausarbeitung und dann noch Politik :/

Most of us can agree that anger usually doesn’t solve or make a situation better. In fact anger has been linked to poorer treatment outcomes on a number of different disorders including Social Anxiety Disorder. Though for people who have social anxiety, where does this anger come from and how can we stop this negative process?

The Role of Rumination

Rumination is a word used to describe an aversive, repetitive and uncontrollable thought pattern. Rumination is seen in many clinical disorders and is linked to poorer health and mental health outcomes. Those who suffer from social anxiety are more often prone to have post-event rumination then those who are not socially anxious. This means that socially anxious people not only mull over these events in their heads but they continue to think about these events in an aversive way. It is like the story a Buddhist monk told me once and listed below. I have heard the story before and don’t know who to reference.

“Two Monks were walking home and on the way they came to a large puddle full of mud, which they had to cross. At the brink of the puddle they saw a young woman standing, afraid to cross it.

“Come”, said one of the monks, “I will carry you to the other side”. He took her on his back, and carried her to the other side of the puddle.

After crossing the road, the two monks continued walking silently for hours, until they reached their destination.

The other monk could not keep silent any longer and exclaimed:” How could you carry that girl on your back? We are monks and are not allowed to touch women.”

The monk who carried the women over the puddle smiled and said: “I have left the girl at the other side of the puddle, but it seems you are still carrying her with you!”

I have heard different versions of that story but it tells the point that some people tend to ruminate more about events then others and this is thought pattern is maladaptive.

Origins of Anger

In a recent study (I make reference to below) they found that when controlling for rumination in people with social anxiety that there is no longer any anger. What this means is that people shouldn’t attempt to deal with the anger but instead with rumination. Anger should be seen as a sign of an inner turmoil that represents the negative internal thinking patterns. The study went further to show that reflective pondering helped with anger suppression meaning that treatments should focus on reflections of our own thought patterns.

I realize many people who are shy or suffer from social anxiety do not have anger about themselves or other people, but for those who do treatment of their condition will be increasingly difficult. For more information on please check out my post on self-forgiveness and look forward to more posts on this aspect of shyness.

References:

Trew, J., Alden, L. (2009). Predicting anger in social anxiety: The mediating role of rumination. BehaviouralResearch Therapy, 47, 1079-1084.

LeeAnnRubsam.com

We are visiting Susan and family in Pittsburgh for a few days.  They do not really live in Pittsburgh, just in one of the rural, wooded suburbs that surround the city.

I am in the midst of being a very cool grandma.  As everyone knows, cool grandmas come in a wide array of colors and shapes, but they are only really cool if they get artsy-craftsy with the little ones.  I have about three things in my artsy-craftsy arsenal, so it’s good that I am a long-distance grandma and can spread those three things out over my entire career.

Hence, I came prepared with a bucket of seashells and a huge jar of popsicle sticks.  We made treasure boxes by gluing the sticks together in dizzyingly-high layers until we reached the attention span limit.  The seashells became lid decorations.  The small fry will remember my visit fondly forever.  Now you know how to be a very cool grandma, if you didn’t possess that information before.   Isn’t the Internet wonderful?

Jason Upton sings, “Do you really want to know … where the wild things are?”  I know.  They live in suburban Pittsburgh — both inside and outside the house.  We arrived to find Susan and her husband in a massive battle with squatters — an army of mice.  These are brazen rodents: they do not wait until we are all snuggled in bed with the lights out to reconnoiter.   They watch us from corners, waiting for the very moment we leave the room, whereupon they scramble from their bunkers in search of plunder.  The killer beagle is not concerned.  He should face a long stint in the brig for dereliction of duty. 

Francis Scott Key described the battle he witnessed as “the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air.”  Here it is more like snap, crackle, and POP — sounds of mice rummaging through the cupboards and their eventual demise in the cleverly positioned booby traps.

I commented darkly that we should consider mouse croquettes for dinner some evening.  I’m not sure that  is any more of a gross idea than escargot or frog legs, but it was merely a conversation starter, not an idea to be seriously entertained.

The house has a history of wildlife intrusions.  Last summer Susan found a baby snake coiled among the children’s toys.  Her heroic husband strode to the rescue, scooped the viper up in a box, and hurled him down the hill to the creek.  I’m not sure it was a real viper.  Chris said you can tell whether they are poisonous or not by how slanted the eyes are — but he didn’t examine the eyeballs intently enough to find out.  He’s a very just-get-the-job-done kind of guy.

Incidents of this sort must be why Susan once announced that she would much prefer to live in an apartment with concrete all the way up to the foundations and not a blade of grass or a tree in sight. 

Click on thumbnail to visit B&W Gallery

]]> http://onthisroad.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/i-was-happy-to-see-part-1/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:57:28 +0000 hastverk http://onthisroad.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/i-was-happy-to-see-part-1/

Today at work, I was able to observe for a while, a man standing outside the doors of the mall (the temple of consumtion). In our town there is a magazine that’s made with the purpose of helping those who have a hard time getting their life together for different reasons. The articles are about social issues, and also about these people, in an effort to help people see the individuals behind the problem. 
 Half of the price goes to the seller, and the rest goes to make the magazine.

I think this is one of those genius win-win ideas that make our world a little better. The person selling is able to work and get paid, while also getting to talk to people and at least lower some of the walls we often seem to raise when people don’t fit into our frame of mind. The people reading the articles get a nuanced picture of what life is really like on the rougher side, and hopefully they gain some understanding and compassion for their neighbours.

This is already enough to make me very hopeful about the state of our community, but my spirit was lifted even further today as I stood there watching this salesman. In the brief period I observed him, several people bought the magazine, but more importantly, there were also people stopping just to chat and say hello for a second. That’s just wonderful!

The big risk for these people is to lead an isolated life in the shadows, being ignored by others and thus feeling like they don’t exist. Just a nod and a hello is actually enough to show this person that he exists and that I respect him. (See also the earlier post “By this roadside”)
 And most of all, it confirms his worth as a human regardless of his circumstances, and that’s worth more than money in my book.

For the average internet user, privacy is an expectation but not a reality.  They share family photos on Facebook, quasi-interesting non-sequiturs on Twitter, business info on LinkedIn, video preferences on YouTube, personal opinions on blogs, and on and on and on.  The whole time thinking that this is only going to be seen by a select few, when in reality it is saved in multiple locations, forever available to anyone with the basic skills to search for it.  And with the way that Google is developing, the ability to search for information on anyone gets easier every day.

Should this matter to you? 

Well, yes.  At the risk of sounding like a tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist, I think a persons internet research topics are best left private.  If you find out that your grandpa has been searching for gay porn uhm, topics that interest him much more than they interest you, your relationship is potentially going to be damaged.  Privacy should be a right instead of an unfulfilled expectation.

Between Google Streetview, targeted Facebook advertising,  and Web 3.0, your relationship with the internet is becoming increasingly intimate.

How long until we have to worry about this?

Well, the future is already here.  There are increasingly more frequent cases of insurance claims being terminated after posting vacation pics on Facebook, employees being terminated after Facebooking while home sick, or the wrong email sent to the wrong person. 

How often have you received, or sent, an email to the wrong address?  Usually this is mundane, but there are more and more times where sensitive information is being sent via email.  Just today, I got a nice e-card from someone in the states wishing me a happy thanksgiving.  I sent a note back to thank her, informing her that she is either really late or really early, on her well wishes.  But this same email account garners me sales receipts from stores in the states, date/time of my next scheduled tune up on a car I don’t own, in a state I don’t live in, and my personal favorite – conference call invite and login information for a Hollywood production company.  (I’m saving that info for a rainy day!)  I get all of this information because they forget to add a “.” in the email addy.

So how does it work?

If I am researching a new client, potential supplier, or business opportunity, I will start on Google, cross reference it with Facebook and LinkedIn, add a smattering of Twitter, and then just feast on the cornucopia (wow – full of turkey day references today!) of information that I uncover.  I do this to learn more, and potentially gain a competitive advantage for myself and my employers.

But if I wanted to use this information to find out when you were away on holidays, when your kids were left home alone, or when you were secretly looking for another job – this information could be used for much more Machiavellian purposes.

You need to start thinking about what you are posting online as a permanent, archiveable, dataset about who you are, what you think, what you believe, and what you like/dislike about everything. 

Your privacy is a joke, but is it that important?  If no one has privacy, is it a level playing field?  The problem with this thought process is we won’t know until it’s gone, and by then it’ll be too late to do anything about it.