I can’t believe how challenging it is to reconcile the events of the last few weeks and complain about them. I mean, I have been overly positive lately that I can no longer enjoy my favorite past time, to post-game the negative externalities I mentioned a few posts back.

I am very well aware that despite my below the radar existence, there are a handful out there that seems to make me, myself and I’s actuality and subsistence, less of a moot point because they expect. With that said, I am obliged to indulge (if only this 7 year old, eat bulaga bred twit behind me would zip it up and quit imitating Korinna Sanchez like she’s on national TV) and take it from where I left off.

I was a bit disappointed upon learning that a highly regarded friend of mine, someone who is so close to me, would not give me the time of day to even read just one entry. Even after I begged this person to just critique my posts, I’m just too amateur I guess.

Though I’m still suffering from Post Human Centipede Traumatic Stress Disorder, I guess I am well enough already to “come to terms with my fears” psychoanalysis DX. The nightmares have dissipated and I no longer feel like I have to puke each time
I see anything with more than 4 legs or chance upon Gloria Estefan on MTV.

Well, friends, ….
Nice to be back!

I have met people that are truly dark and they have somewhat confounded me but this guy, I was utterly perplexed by his imagination.

Picture these characters, a first rate surgeon, a couple of blonde bombshells and a Japanese tourist. The surgeon sews together all three with the middle blonde, her mouth was conjoined to the Japanese’ anus and the second blonde girl connects to the middle blonde’s anus through her mouth as well: forming a human centipede, with six arms, six legs and three heads all in a serial pattern.

I don’t want to get too graphic anymore as it really terrifies me just thinking about it. It didn’t really make me want to puke, I wasn’t that kind of upset. But I was still feeling ill from watching it nonetheless.

Ended the day with a dinner at Chili’s in my neighborhood with a few friends and then a midnight snack at the Mercato. I’ve been itching to go home because the humidity at the Fort was getting unbearable.

I’ll try to sleep tonight. I hopefully can shake the images of the human centipede off my head. If not, HBO better have a decent lineup.

Please comment if you got it or having Miriamlike Issues!

Enjoy!

(repost from a friend of a close friend’s friend from a college friend’s, friends)

8809=6
7111=0
2172=0
6666=4
1111=0
3213=0
7662=2
9313=1
0000=4
2222=0
3333=0
5555=0
8193=3
8096=5
7777=0
9999=4
7756=1
6855=3
9881=5
5531=0
2581=2

When the four of us got to the box-office, we were advised that thought there were four seats available still, we will be seated as if we were beat reporters of TV Patrol on location. One would be stationed in Dipolog, another in Dumaguete, I will probably be on location in Dagupan and another reporting from Dadiangas! The seats were so far apart that I would rather just go in as strangers more than friends.

Well, that’s probably not such a bad idea after all! I remember watching ‘The Vow’ with Winnie a few weeks back and she kept hitting my arm whenever a ‘kilig’ scene is on or she would just wail whenever there’s a sappy part that is shown.

Back to the movie, but wait, no we didn’t see the movie that night! Of course, Winnie reacted with her over the top TV PATROL acting level of frustration. We ended up at my flat to watch WIPEOUT and Ru Paul’s Drag Race on my 53″ Plasma ( yes! Pathetic! I know!). After about ten minutes of TV, I decided to nap ( that lasted 8 hours!) and leave them.

Tonight, my nephew and nieces did not let me off the hook with my promise that I will take them to see it today. But not without doing something for myself first. I resumed my brisk walking with Ryan and walked 5 miles around GSC. I thought that, that would get my mind off watching the two and a half hour flick later. I forgot to take my “Sun Phone” with me on my walk so as expected, the bagels left me 7 text messages and 12 missed calls! Holy Bajeebus! What’s with that movie with the iron chef title? Why is there so much talk?

I finally saw the movie. Armed with super salty popcorn and a grape shake, I was prepared to battle this and sit it out the entire two and a half hours while my feet retains water from all the salt I was ingesting.

What? You want to know how the movie was? If I wrote my response to that in here, my million plus followers will be so upset because they haven’t gotten the chance to see the movie yet. I, in turn don’t really have to wait. I just sign my name and I can even let my advance party watch it with me. How’s that for entitlement (self ! )

One thing I’d like to say about the movie is that, halfway through it, I felt like growing a beard just like the arbiter and dye my hair exactly like Donald Sutherland’s.

I felt so bad I was almost sick!

When I came across this today while watching this cinemalaya flick, I couldn’t help but laugh my arse out and at the same time, my mind started comparing the ‘types’ of acting with my friends’ personalities.

The elevator type of acting resonates so much of how Sophie is. She does have this high-low tone when she’s excited and it works like a charm each time. Though sometimes it takes a whole semester length before she switches tones especially from low to high, that’s quite forgivable. Just give her the space and she’ll make a comeback.

The TV Patrol type is pretty obvious. This type of acting usually starts at the penthouse level already. There is no ascension so to speak, it’s way up there as it starts. So who could personify this type of acting amongst my friends? Its no less than Winnie of course! She probably has the highest energy levels compared to everyone that I know. She’s like a parrot on speed when she talks. Nevertheless, she’s still very sensible considering her IQ levels are just like they were on steroids.

An as-is where-is type is a spontaneous type of acting where a line is delivered as if it was on cue. This is your monotone actor where the depth of the lines delivered is measured through just the eyebrow action. They (the eyebrows) follow the pitch of the tone in a subtle way. My pretty friend with the long hair that cascades from the bun epitomizes this character. One can never tell how angry she can be because she sounds exactly the same when she’s happy as hell! I like that about her!

The film has its share of dragging sequences and some scenes that were so obviously added as fluff to prolong the movie. Some of you may not agree with that and so you dont. I’ll live.

I think the movie’s script on a lot of the dialogues was fairly written well considering. It showed the true condescending side of our culture and our unwillingness to participate in discourses that we feel leads to animosity. The lines were very apt to today’s use of the english language and tagalog as well.

There were cheese, sliced papayas, peeled pomelos, Japanese cucumbers, a jar of dill pickles, sweet peppers etc. I opened the freezer compartment And there was a gallon of ice cream that i have seen there ever since the start of the Impeachment Trial. I’m afraid to take it out and open it as I might see severed body parts in there already. There were frozen fresh fruits (pun intended) that I se to make sorbet or smoothies out of but I’m not in the mood for something that cold that early in the morning.

I decided to go for the peeled pomelos. I figured it shouldn’t be too bad as I used to eat a whole grapefruit for breakfast back when I was still going to the gym. I dipped them In roasted sesame dressing which was a bit unusual, I know, but it turned out to be an awesome well pronounced combination.

I then downed it with a big gulp of coke. BIG MISTAKE!

A half an hour later, I swear I must have depleted my body of half of its water content. Never mix anything sour with cola. My forehead was excreting Ming bean sized sweat beads. I was never stressed as much as this ever since I became lactose intolerant.

I should have just slept in and kept my normal levels of electrolytes. This is a pain in the ass (literally!)!

I guess I haven’t really shaken off this one incident from Sunday where an MMDA traffic aide waves at me and tried to stop me while making a turn. I mean this guy was literally in front of me as if I was driving a getaway car. He then pointed at the sidewalk using his lips and asked me to pull over. When I was parked, I rolled down my window and asked him “what seems to be the matter?”. He then said that I did not stop at the red light. I’m like what red light are you talking about? That red light! At this point, I got out of the car and tried to look up and see what red light this twit is talking about. I already have an attitude because I know that the traffic light was broken and it just kept blinking orange.

I pointed at the traffic light and said to him: “That red light? Can’t you tell it’s blinking? Until now it’s still blinking, what color do you think that is?

“Hindi ho, kanina red po yan!”
“Ganun? Tapos ngayon blinking orange?”
“Oho.”
“Ano gusto mo gagawin natin?”
“Eh sir bahala na kayo”
“Okay, may motor ka ba?”
“Wala ho.”
“Okay, sige na. Ingat ka na Lang!, bye!”

I then stepped on the gas and sped off. The nerve of that parasite to extort from me on a Sunday!

I wanted to forget about the whole thing and just drove to my sister’s house to celebrate their house blessing with them. A few minutes later, my nephew comes up to me and asked me: “Tito, what happened to the cop?” I looked at him and said: “you saw me by ULTRA?” he said “Yea! We were driving by when we saw your car and the cop.”

I then told him, “Hahaha I just took off!” and let’s leave it at that. Lol

After reminiscing all that, I’m still edgy. That didn’t do anything to lessen my restlessness. Well, I better just keep on driving and concentrate on the road before another cop pulls me over. This is not the time to write this anyway.

Well the day is pretty much over. The only exciting thing that happened today was I had to change the tire of my car. I had to take it to a shop to repair the hole from a nail. Needless to say, today, I felt like a mechanic, looked like a homeless guy from the dirt of the tire, smelled like a street vendor and felt like a blue collar nut.

Where’s the Evian? I’m thirsty.

But to me, that’s over a thousand days from the time I was paying for mistakes I have made. Yes, there were mistakes in the past, plenty of them. Living in the United States at the time for someone like me, who is just among the millions who live below the radar. I do not possess nor the training for an endurance skill set compared to those who make living within the line of fire do. Survival was inevitable if you want to move on with your life after the harrowing experience of having to be bunking next to the low-lifes and scraps of society. It is indeed a very humbling experience. It makes you appreciate the littlest of the freedoms we all enjoy.

Second chances in life are not options, they are what we gift ourselves after we learn from our mistakes. We do not have the option of a second chance, we make that decision to give ourselves that opportunity to redeem ourselves from the misdeeds and the mistakes we have committed. I have always believed that mistakes are the most basic building blocks of life because if we do not make them, there is nothing for us to learn from. Life learning is not like getting an education. It is learning from the mistakes that teach us about life.

The minute we ‘gift’ ourselves the decision of learning from our past, life can be so forgiving by granting us bonuses and perks. I am living proof of that. I have been blessed by the higher being, with new people to take in my life who looked past the challenges and the horrible aberration events of my past. I have been blessed with my family’s genuine and unconditional love and acceptance, the warmth of the new love of my new friends, the trust and inspiration one significant person has entrusted me with. All of this make a great comeback and motivation to better myself in this next phase. The past three years has probably been the best learning experience in over forty years for me. I may be just dating myself and some of you may be just wild eyed right now with my admission of my age, but to all, a big thanks.

I am now more convinced of where my new life is going to take me. I know myself much much more now than I have ever known me. I just love the feeling of being able to freely express myself and not be deterred by how people will perceive me, especially the ones who look up to me. I have grown more confident and what can be accomplished in three short years as opposed to the previous thirty. Life does have a way of making one see how beautiful the sunrises can be when all you see were sunsets.

Today, may just be an ordinary day to most of us, but to me, today is a little more special than that. Today I learned how to balance my life even more.

I know I’m beginning to sound like a Hallmark greeting card recording already, so before I spit out more cliches, allow me to leave you this: tonight, before you go to bed, tell that person that you love, that you love them and give them a hug! It makes up for all the times you forgot to do so.

I know, it’s my reset button!

I asked my mom, “How many are we expecting, Mother? Mom said less than fifty are coming. Just family and close friends. Okay, got it!

My friend Sophie sent me a message earlier today and said that she is working on her communication skills to break it to “him” gently. Ok!, Angela Bofill moment! (told her to google it if she didn’t get it).

Winnie is still in Davao and telling me that she misses me and to feed her. Duh! I aint a feeder if you get my drift!

The spread was delicious! I mean, the Chicken Gallatina, a spanish version of turkey meatloaf was outstanding. The roast beef was prepared so well, I had to doggie bag a bit for my seconds. The glass noodles were al dente and perfectly seasoned. There was sweet and sour fish fillet that was a bit on the salty side, should have been called “salty and sour fish” ( didn’t enjoy this dish that much). I tried the lechon skin and that was sinfully unforgiving.

As they have always been in the past, the cream puffs were a big hit. The canonigo (caramelized sugar) topping the pastry shell was light and succulent. I didnt try the buko pandan this time as I am too lazy to drive home in case I need to dump my breakfast in the middle of dinner. There was a chocolate mousse cake from a commercial bakery and just by seeing the box that in came in with, I didn’t have the strength to even whiff it. The colors of the event were a little too red for my taste, but it works for other people. The flower arrangements were fresh this time compared to last time this same caterer catered a dinner my mom threw a few weeks back. That time was an abomination. The flower arrangements looked like they were recycled from a previous catering job.

I had great adult conversations with my brand new nephew-in-law’s parents. Their youngest son ( my neph-in-law’s baby emo brother) just graduated from college a couple of days back. I didnt recognize him at all. He sported the rebond long hair look when I first met him and now, he wears a short barber cut that made him look like he’s fifteen.

I took off outside to have my long overdue after dinner cigarette instead when I overheard the ladies talking about hot flashes, endemetriosis, constipation, urinary tract infections and periodontic issues. I was not quite prepared to take all that, in. I mean, who would want to have images of incontinence and cranberry juice while having dessert. The cream puff was a far better distraction than debating over which is better, double sided tape or velcro for ‘pads’, Ewwww!

After the last guest had left the pavillion, we all walked back to their brand new digs for a nightcap and some bonding time with the bagets. That somehow became surprisingly special because of probably the logistics of this lazy Sunday. The home has these cozy nooks and seating areas much like a progressive “clinic” that simulates a homey ambience where the patients waited and read magazines.

After a few songs from the integrated iDock system, my dad was already sending feelers out that he is sleepy and tired. Hello? youv’e been doing laps at 5 pm this afternoon in a brandy pool. You are neither sleepy nor tired, you are just plain inebriated! So just sit back, sober up your sorry ass and wait until everybody has enjoyed their time. Better yet, next time, you drive yourself! As I’ve said, it takes a much bigger man to check themselves into rehab and get sober. I should know, I did it!

My eyes at this very moment feel much heavier than any part of my body. I am now embraced by my crew of 6 pillows, 2 kings, 2 queens, 2 euro shams and 2 standard sized down pillows. I am so sleepy!

Ciao!

Times like this, just sucks for all I care. Where were they coming from?, Beats me! I have no clue. Somehow though, I’m pretty sure I saw it approaching (the hell I did!). I can’t explain it but I somehow did. I know I did. I just didn’t think much of it. I don’t really like overthinking things in my life because, for one, I don’t want to because it makes me realize that I am going through something, and I don’t want that. Nor do I want anyone to know that I am going through something. Extreme pride? Maybe. Probably still need to work on that part of me. Which isn’t much. People have more issues with their pride than I do, I know. I’d like to think they do.

I must have thrown up twice today, at least. I think it was from all the acidity my body’s been producing the past few days and it finally caught up with my digestive system. I tried to cheer myself up and really, EFFORT talaga today to do so. There are just things that hover in your head that no matter how much you try to shake it off, the more it wants to cling to you. Have you ever tried wearing your dress pants just fresh out of the dryer? Soon as you walk in those pants past the rest of your laundry, the socks and nylons in your laundry basket will be attaching itself to your freshly dried pants due to static. Try shaking your knees and your feet, they’ll stay like they belong there.

Have you ever weighed which is more tiring, to be physically tired (working out, hiking Kilimanjaru, cross country skiing or something to that degree)or mentally tired (the ‘hoverboards’ above your head, the world coming down on you, the threat of losing your friends and family, your “F” average in your progress report that you’ve been dodging your Mommy whenever she asks you for it, for a few months now and the next one is coming out in a couple of weeks)? I have felt both at so many different times and I find being mentally tired is much more exhausting than having to shop at every single shop in Megamall with an 80 pound backpack with you.

Physical activities, you can rest from. I find it very difficult to detach my mind from what it wants to wallow in. I’m so jealous of other people that can actually block their minds off of things so that their minds could rest and take a break. I mean, how do you do that? Do you verbally say to your mind to go and park three malls away and don’t bother me? If I see myself talking to myself, that’ll probably add to it more than relieve me from it. Like right now, I look at my patio doors and there’s this picture of me flashing right before my eyes, about to bungee jump minus the bungee. Heck!!!!!! that’s so messed up! Why would those thoughts be entertained by my own ‘sisig’ worthy of a brain?

I’d like to carry this on some more, to give myself that little bit of ‘speaking’ time left, that I may just run into a paragraph after I write it, and miraculously realize, what in the world is happening why I feel like a paper bag.

I have normal problems like normal people do. I have problems with my internet connection going on four months now, I get text messages from every single financial institution in this country almost daily, telling me that I can borrow up to 10 Million Pesos at a low rate of 5 % a month (this really just annoys the Joe out of me when I get them because I feel like my personal information with my current bank, is being raped by everyone else and having a field day with it), my tenant calls me at 7:30 in the morning telling me that they no longer have toilet paper (i barked and asked if they had any family or friends over and they hosted an ALL YOU CAN EAT toilet paper party since I left 16 rolls with them a couple of days back).

But out of all that, I can still identify Peter robbing Paul to pay Mary! I still know what they are. But right now, I must have gone out of my sanity trying to figure out why I feel like a SharPei. I certainly don’t look like one (checks his face in the mirror), I just feel like one.

Oh well, having likened my sadness feelings to how a SharPei looks like just reminded me of my beloved Jake (May his soul rest in peace). I do. I miss him.The last couple of years, whenever I am getting a season ender episode, I just talk to Jake.

He never fails to cheer me up

I must just miss you in my life, Jake! Now, I find myself asking exactly how your favorite owner asked himself a day after you passed:

How can something so small, Leave a hole this big in your heart?

I know how Jake, and it’s still a gaping one!

This morning, I drove to City Hall to pay for last year’s and the current year’s property taxes. Last year’s bill included penalties for late payments that must have been computed on an hourly basis. Plus, a “CASH ONLY” warning indiscreetly rubber stamped on the face of the statement.

As I walked in the building, there were a few people whispering things to me as I walked past them. There was one that was brave enough to look me in the eye and asked me “Ser! Swhshwshe”. I looked at him and asked “Ano yun, Kuya?” Soon as I said that? This guy turned to his side and pretended he neither saw me nor heard me. I presumed, ahhhhh, fixer. Must have wanted to “expedite” my business for me by dropping “party favors” on every single desk my piece of paper has to go through before it reaches the finish line.

I thought to myself, this country must have invented “workflow process” at it’s best.

It was 8:01 when I walked in. I asked the guard on duty where can I pay my real estate taxes.

“Window 13 Ser! Pero start kayo Window 1.”

Window 1 – RECEPTION this is where you ask a question.

Window 2 – REVIEWER this is where you drop your document so they can stare at it.

Window 3 – EVALUATOR assuming you are in the right office, this is where your document gets read, mine clearly states Property Tax Statement in 32 font!

Window 4 – RECEIVING huh??? May ganun? 4 na tao na dinaanan ko pati si kuya guard? Receiving pa Lang?

Window 5 – TAKE A NUMBER HERE ????? Owwwkey!!!!!! I didn’t like the sound of this window but, owkeyyy, take a number…..

Window 6 – GIVE NUMBER HERE
??????? $&@#% calm down, it’s door # 6 you’re probably close

Window 7 – ASSESSOR cool this window sounds more tax related, this is where this turd is going to check if the addition on the statement is correct (huh moment) !! but calm……

Window 8 – TO COMPUTER whoa, lapit na! This is where they will enter the data into the system, (pa Lang? )

Window 9 – PAY COMPUTER FEE asus! Namumuro na to!

Window 10 – FILING (this is making me nervous) this is where you file?

Window 11 – RETRIEVING (this is where they tell you if you go to next window or to pay, hayyyy at last! )

Window 12 – IF PROBLEM ( I dunno. I was told to skip this one)

It’s now 11:22 am.

Window 13 – CASHIER

I was seated again for about 15 minutes when the guard comes up to me and ask me, “Sir, umabot ba kayo sa Window 13?”

“Not yet, Inaantay ko pa tawagin ako”.

“Ay Ser, balik na Lang kayo bukas, may sakit po ang kahera ngayon. Di po pumasok”!

Calm down! ! “Kuya, Hawakan mo yang baril mo Ng dalawang kamay! “

“Bakit po?”

I looked at this guy and I told him: “Baka agawin ko sayo yan at iputok ko sa ulo mo!”

Goodness, where did all that come from? My only intention was to humor those folks that seem to have an affinity with the ‘snooze’ button. Were there some unchecked emotions that were accidentally grazed by my being bold and underlined while exposing my thoughts? Uhmm maybe I just didn’t have enough sleep that’s why my mind is all over the place. Or maybe subconsciously, i’ve always had these thoughts hanging out in my head that I just ignored and dismissed them as just ‘fluff’. I want to say that I’m just a little worried about the elections in Burma because of someone transiting at Yangoon, but that’s toxic paranoia. Oh well, C’est la vie (that was French, right? Yea I think its French ).

I ain’t taking the ‘wake-up’ call issue any further than this city. I will allow myself and you as well to play with it and take it where you wish to take it. For now, I really want to eat the Cuban plantains I made last night. I steamed them in water with caramelized muscovado sugar from Bacolod (OK!!! i bougth it from UniMart! SUS!). I need some full cream milk to enjoy them though and I am out! I am going to text my sleepy friend to drop by 7-11 and get me a can or something so I can wake her senses with the flavor these lowly bananas project. I’m a little ticked off because of the lack of planning on my part and allowing my pantry to be less worthy of being in my house.

Oh, my friend Sophie had a cap and gown moment a couple of months ago and I just want to congratulate her amidst my million plus or so readers (NO, no reaction necessary 0.0 ) here because I am really proud of her!

My hat’s off to my friend who played the lead role in the Japanese version of the ring ( joke!), for nailing his interview and beginning a career with one of Wall Street’s most prestigious corporations. Way to go friend.

In other parts of the world, the latest events may not have been very encouraging but as a people, we want to extend our thoughts to them at this time of need.

To my friend who’s going to work on his Master’s Degree is leaving for Korea tonight, I wish you a safe journey. You make me proud just being your friend.

I still have a few hours left to finsh my errands for the day. You have taken a lot of it for today already. I need to leave some for me okay?

Go annoy someone else, elsewhere! This is my turf and they love me here

Time check: 20:01 hrs
OnCable: The Voice 2
Whereabouts: Sitting on my favorite club chair
Attire: Plain white shirt, Designer underwear
Mood: Clammy, Melancholic, Serene
Attitude: I need my MOMENT episode
Vibes: Definitely “BV” ^.~
Lighting: Subdued
On my nightstand: While You are Engulfed in Flames (Sedaris) and BBK in Hk
Dinner: Sliced Avocadoes, Ripe Mango, Melba Toast, Organic Tomato, Gruyere Cheese, Grapes
Dessert: Leche Flan from Gerry’s (TO DIE FOR, Promise!)
On Tap: 9 Grams of Pure Barley in Pure Substance (H2O)
Moment: Missing Jake!!! (He is still in my <;;3 )
Weather: Peaceful, Almost Bucolic (in the City?, Yeah, Surprisingly!)
Inspiration: PFF, BBK, MHCHS!
Worries: Out of TP!
Song in Mind: “i Just Can’t Stop Loving You” (Michael Jackson)
Frustration: To actually play a DVD and watch it.
Anticipating: iPhone5 and the iPad3 ( oopss, they call it THE NEW iPAD!) & BUKOPEY!
Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats
Excited about: A close friend leaving for Korea on a scholarship, 1500 thread count sheets.
On The Stove: Cuban Plantains
On my Walls: Original Artwork in Frames by a soon to be famous prolific Artist with Hubris
Browser: Craigslist, OLX, Sulit, AyosDito, Google Plus
Annoyed By: Celo’s Hugh Heffner Robe Outfits on The Voice
Happy News of the Day: Anjo got hired at Citibank’s Management Program! Yoohoo!
Tuck-In treat: A Ghirardelli Chocolate Square from San Francisco on my down pillow
Thinking Of: people to antagonize tomorrow, the hellish drive to Makati, Myself!
Highlights of zeDay: JPE still alive and present at the trial, My haircut, condo showing, Ma’am Win’s boisterous laughs, Demob!
Nightcap: A surprise phone call from P.F. Chang’s Slave Driver: A.C. <;3
So, how was your day?

Sometime last year, I was introduced to this new iconic activity in pop culture, that for the life of me didn’t know had a term. Whenever the twenty something plus population (aka post-bagets generation), would perform brain surgery on themselves after identifying petty importunities that’s worth rehashing and reanalyzing. They branded this activity as POST-GAME/ING. What???? Post-gaming? Pretty clever term for nothing less than a showbiz talk show. Apparently, today’s younger generation have become so sophisticated recycling verbs and applying it towards more dismal and usually totally unrelated usage of phrases meant sometimes, specifically for a particular activity.

It is almost like Network TV! I can still picture them in a panel spewing out POV’s, blind items, connect the dot gossip etc. much like showbiz talk shows that the networks are simply trying to reinvent each time somehow. Which leads me to my nextvexing question: How can anyone or anybody reinvent something as asinine as a gossip talk show format to amount to something worth more for my time?

This phrase or term is surely a noun, but to the twenty somethings, it is a verb! Post- Game for instance is an on-the-air, telecast where sportscasters would analyze a just concluded sporting match or event. This is the after-sports program (that are kept alive by sponsors who can not afford the prime time slots) where all those who went to watch the game, will watch after the game. It just floors me to think why. It seems like it’s something to get excited about right after seeing the game live! It beats the hell out of me why sports fans would watch and listen to these clowns in designer suits talking about the ‘events they just witnessed live.

I mean, do we really care to know if Kobe Bryant was wearing Michael Jordans in the last quarter? Do I want to know if Dennis Rodman was in Jimmy Choo’s or was it Manolo Blahnik? Is it really worth gossiping about Tiger Wood’s below par performance at the Pebble Beach Cup was due to his depleted libido from his trysts the day before with hookers? Well, that is TV to you folks! I guess its because it sells airtime like they were going out of style.

Post-gaming to the twenty somethings mean more than just an after game analysis. It is the most coveted time for the post gamers to drool over and impatiently wait for. Since I have the very latest upgrade on pop-culture, I would like to claim that I am the authority and the pioneering personality that would give this ‘post-game’ its very own definition.

Postgame – is the quantitative analysis of the key moments of an event brought forth by one’s desire to gain acceptance by extensively blowing the whole subject out of proportion and form so much so that the postgamers can finally believe what they want to believe and more.

Now, wasn’t that a pretty iconic description of what postgame is all about? I know, I came up with it myself!

Expect in the next coming days that we will be using this format to analyze issues, exploit post game victims, post game hubris, and post game attitudes. I have a pretty good idea of what’s to come, so feel free to comment whenever you feel its necessary…or not!

I planned on paying for my Platinum MasterCard today but I went grocery shopping. I said I was going to make my bed as soon as I got up this morning, I changed the sheets. I planned on making my barley juice for the week, I took my supplements instead. I planned on dusting the bookcase, I cleaned the entire house. I planned on organizing my files, I rearranged all the furniture. I planned on buying lotion, I bought junk food. I planned on making dinner for my niece, I got caught in a late meeting.

Score? Zero to nothing! I mean, WTF! what happened? Is it a full moon tonight? I mean what’s going on? Usually, i’ll make plans and I would do none. But I guess today, I didn’t do so bad. I still was able to accomplish quite a bit. But i’m still disturbed by this whole switcheroo shit. I even checked my underwear to see if I wore them inside out. My grandma used to tell me that if I wore my tidy whities inside out, either I’ll get lost or I”ll do the opposite of the things that i needed to do. No, the letters are still upside down so I am still lucid earlier.

I got home and put away the groceries as if i was from Stepford! Oh there was one thing I bought today that I haven’t gotten in a while. I got a box of Honey Bunches of Oats. The aphrodisiac cereal…lol! This breakfast treat sure brings back a lot of african sunsets whenever I have them at odd times. I\m pretty excited because at least, I can take a much needed break from  greasy food my mom and sister sends for me.Not that I\m complaining, its just that Ive been feeling so guilty about all the nasty food I’ve been eating lately.

Well, I have to get back to my domestic duties. I’d like to keep my place clean a little while longer than usual. I want to really live independently not having to resort to domestic help even if they’re readily available. I ain’t a spoiled brat!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic evening.

See you all tomorrow. This is me….signing off!

Back when cup-o-noodles was the main course to every meal of my  day, my life somehow did not really develop from the time I left home and went on my own. My  journey has been an awful misguided trip that to my credit, I was able to surpass. Thanks to me and to my dedication to myself and what I do. The ride was bumpy, but it was those bumps that taught me what I really needed to survive in a world where material possession is the measure of success.

A decade later, I found myself at a crossroad in my life where I really did not know which direction to take. To the people that know me, like my colleagues, my friends, they already have a set status for me as far as my career and whatever I have, materially, personally. To me, up until that time, I am still not so sure as to what I really wanted to do with my life, my career or just being consistent with my recreation.

As the new millennium approaches, the warmer my desire got to figure out and find out what I really wanted to do. I have moved up in the company that I worked for pretty aggressively and still, those signs weren’t the ones that really lighted my fire. Until one day, I found myself sitting on this leather couch speaking to this middle-aged hag and telling her everything that’s been itching with me for the last few months.

It was some sort of a last ditch effort for me to convince myself that the restlessness I was feeling was normal and that Joe Blow down the street is also going through the same things I’m going through. I wasn’t able to contain and answer those questions that I have been asking myself despite the fact that I was still moving up the corporate ladder at a steady pace. Then one day, I found myself wanting more money, less responsibility, more time, less working hours, more play and less commuting hours. I looked around. With the vast network I created, it wasn’t very hard to put yourself out there and price yourself.

Though deep within me, I knew I wasn’t prepared for a higher position, my own hubris took over me and knocked myself out. I thought the restlessness would somehow dissipate. It didn’t. More soul searching happened until one day, the project I was in got shelved.

OMFL! That was the first thing that came into my mind. Why, maybe because that should be the ‘normal’ reaction of someone that just lost their job? But do I really mean that? Was I really distraught losing my job? Was I threatened at all? The answer that came back, to all of those questions, was a resounding: “Not Really”..

So, I embarked on a journey south of the Bay Area. Way down south, to Los Angeles. Where I had lived prior. Where I still had a handful of friends. Where you drive for an hour and still be within the same city. When I got there, I said to myself: “let’s get on with this, let the soul search begin”!

While job searching, I bought a few books on taking the Real Estate State Boards. It’s a review course you take on your own time in your own home. Something like moonlighters would do to augment their incomes. But not me, this is going to be my new career. This time, it’s personal! I can remember how I felt the whole time I was taking on those books. I had fire in my belly. A raging one. And for the first time in years, I felt no restlessness. No anxiety. No worries. Just a pure desire to ace the State Boards.

There it was. I got the answers. All I needed to do was that one change. An unwelcome change in the beginning, however, I saw the need to take on that change. The one change that would change the course of my life over the next decade.

Sometimes we do get paralyzed to the things that we are just so used to doing. The comforts of our snuggling in our box was just too precious to give up and gamble with. Sometimes, even just thinking outside our own little boxes is frightening enough that we shield ourselves from all the signs that come our way. I know! I was like that, for a very long time. But when the itch got more and more unbearable, I didn’t medicate it. I scratched it and scratched it and picked on it until it bled? when that happened, I saw why it was itchy in the first place.When I saw that, I now learned how to medicate it. Had I tried to mask it with all sorts of rubs from Walgreens or Rite-Aid? I would not have known which medicine, the real medicine to use.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this, we really OWE it to ourselves to at least scratch whatever is itching. Who knows, it maybe just the very thing to scratch!

After reading this and you start scratching, keep it up! After a while, take it where it leads you.

Then come back to me, let’s talk shop!

Best of luck to you!

oh by the way…….that was jessica alba scratching her ass…..you can do that too!

As it turned out, this bright and sunny day is everything that it has promised itself to be. A day filled with laughter, family, psychic family and more. Life isn’t really Pain Management afterall!

I normally do not plan how quiet my day would be, but this morning, I learned that HBO is running all of the Back to the Future trilogy back to back at 6 tonight. I say, “Wow! A trip down memory lane. I wasn’t even legally able to buy a pack of smokes when part one debuted on the silver screen. (Boy that’s a long way back to the set of Desperate Housewives! )

As the afternoon wore on, I was just kicking back, organizing my files in my laptop when Sophie called wanting to kill time in between work. I said sure, come on over. She’s always been easy on the eyes for me and I could just stare at her long enough to discover humanity. Plus, I really dont want to watch Back to the Future for six hours by myself!

My relaxing afternoon is about to be invaded, I thought. But as it turns out, it became the cheapest and the most beneficial therapy I would ever encounter in a long long time. Women have peculiar ways of looking at the world (and Sophie’s no exception), and it doesnt hurt to be in their shoes once in a great while. They can change the colors of your world just by putting on a different color eye-shadow and just be completely unreasonable and get away with it. I know, I have 2 sisters, 3 nieces and my mom to prove it.

A good friend from work once asked me, “How can you describe women so well?” “Real easy, with a handful of them in my life, I had enough reasons to write them. To describe them?, I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability! Simple!”

Because of doctor-patient privacy laws, this discussion may no longer continue its course. When decency takes over me like this when I still have a full backpack of shit to unload, I can’t help but think I’ m such a disgrace to depression!

I’ll probably have a more engaging story tomorrow, Sunday. As much as I would like to detail today’s encounter, I am bound by decency and professional etiquette to keep my mouth shut.

BTW, After having lunch with my family at the “ancestral home”, my youngest sister asked me if she and the girls can hitch a ride to Greenhills where I live. Its not like I have a choice anyway so I agreed she then asked me if she should wear her pink flip flops (she has to wear something that will expose her freshly painted toe nails that to me were so atrocious in the first place) or her black Havaiannas? I said, the pink one makes you look like you’re from Cainta and the black one looks like you’re from Taguig! Your choice!

She looked at me and then yelled to her eldest daughter to bring her, her silver ones. har har har!

Soon as I dropped them off, I headed on home. I haven’t even left the shopping compound when my phone rang.

“Geez! I shouldn’t have listened to you! My sandals broke soon as I stepped on the escalator, Now, I had to buy me a new pair just because I didn’t want to look like how you said I looked in the other sandals! ”

” Well, I replied. You didn’t ask me how you looked with that last choice, did you?

Don’t worry, blame it on me! It’s all my fault!

Happy?

As a former manager, I heard them ALL! Excuses that is! Friday mornings are usually my  busiest phone times compared to the rest of the week. One time, a programmer of mine called and said that he won’t be able to come in because his wife is sick and then five minutes later, his wife calls me and tells me that her husband, my employee, is in bed sick. I was like, “Did you guys get your stories straight?” I asked. Well, we know what happened after that J

I’ve heard them all, from “I can’t find the remote to the garage of my building and NO ONE can get out of the basement parking” overused excuse to “The bus driver on our route didn’t show up and the next bus is in 2 hours, should I still catch that?” I mean, c’mon! can we get more creative next time and come up better excuses than this lame shit that every working idiot uses?

I’m guilty! I used those excuses myself when I needed to let someone that I won’t make it to work! So now, since I’m the boss, I can say with so much conviction that “ive been there and done that, so get your ass to work! Power response!

Now that I am semi-retired, Fridays seem to be filled with activity just like today.

Sad though, I opened my email today and I just heard about another person’s passing. Tuesday this week, I mentioned that I have a friend that died from liver cancer. This makes this #2 for the week! Don’t they come in three’s? I asked myself. Really, just thinking about it makes me so depressed that not even a coupon for a free consult with Vicky Belo will cheer me up. Yeah, for lack of a better doctor, for a couple of zits, Belo will do just fine J

My day however turned out to be semi-okay after all. Had lunch with my mom today, oh well, if you can call it lunch. I heard this excuse again that it’s Friday and tomorrow, Saturday is about the only time she can go to the market, I don’t know where, maybe some wet market in Batangas. I asked why for God’s sake would she shop In Batangas when she lives in Mandaluyong where the markets are a dime a dozen. Hell even the street that my sister takes to work is a wet market on its own. Complete with cars, trucks and vans like its not really a street. Well, tomatoes are cheap kasi in Batangas, my mother would say. I’m like, how cheap can it be? Is it free? Will you be able to renovate your house from what you can save? I never understand you Mom, I don’t ! But I guess that’s your thing so you know what, go ahead! I can’t ruin my entire day just because our lunch was a repeat performance of an encore from the day before nor can I be thinking about the reasons about the tomatoes.

Well, I guess not that OK!

This afternoon, since I planned on getting a haircut, I drove to Pioneer Street to Matt’s. When I got there, there was no available parking. I waited for a few minutes with my turn signals on when suddenly this tricycle driver started to honk at me from behind. The nerve of this whatever to honk at me when I have my turn signals on for the last hundred miles. The temperature outside is nearing the 40 degree mark and that made me just ignore the douche bag and not get agitated. But the heat got the best of me as the temp gaugein my car started to go northeast. I said to myself, ahhh f*** it! I’ll just get the car washed.

I did one errand and one reporting for duty so far and that’s just not enough for me to get satisfied that my day was pretty much busy. Oh, I was suppose to see a movie with a couple of people tonight, that’ll fill in my day. Wow, that’s pretty important shit, go sit for a couple of hours, get some annoying kernel skin in your gums, wash it down with sugar water tainted in brown they call “Iced Tea”, get pissed at the people with no class behind you for not silencing their life support gadget of a cell phone. That should be sufficient for an afternoon.

Unknowingly, after the movie and all of its nuances, I never laughed so hard at dinner until tonight. I have great company. Funny stories.  Warm and Fuzzy stories. Embarrassing stories.  Great ‘anio haseo’  food at Happy Baboy, a couple of cigarettes then home. I can call that a good night.  Gee Thanks!

Now, I am in the comforts of home, by myself, alone, solitaire…go ahead, bring in all the bad vibes J there’s not much to say anymore, my eyes are heavy, my mind is wandering, my butt hurts from this hard chair I am using, my ass is cold from the a/c, my feet are killing me from my shoestrings tied like it was going to tow a Victory liner, sleepy as heck but with a smile on my cheeks.

TGIF! (Perry 2012)

Gnyte

It was really funny how this word came along and took over my life in just a short while. Less than a month perhaps.

Four weeks ago, that same geek girl friend of mine that I told you guys about (yeah! one of the ‘deprived, hungry and homeless democrats) went on a date with this guy who happens to be an ex-bestfriend of her good friend from school, who also happens to have made out with one of her very close friends when they were still in high school, who happens to graduate from the same school where one of her best friends graduated as well. Let’s call him HUBert, so I won’t have to write a whole paragraph like this one just to call him out.

Speaking of long names, this reminds me of a previous boss of mine from one of the ten thousand jobs I held when I was still a deprived, hungry and homeless democrat . I promise this will only take a minute. I just had to share his name kasi nga, medyo may hubris din ako when it comes to spelling. ( I was once a spelling bee champion in Tuguegarao back in the late 70′s joke! ). Oh well, I apologize for the digression. I get really worked up once my hubris gets any attention.

Anyway, back to my former boss, He is half Indian half Chinese and for the life of me, he has his own hubris when it comes to his name. Talk about extreme pride. See his first name is Eliathambythanabalasingham and his last name is Dy. Yes, am not kidding. It’s been over 20 years since I last worked with this gentleman and to this day, I can still write his name in one swoop. I remember, I was actually only a few weeks on the job when he joined the company I was working for at the time. I was in charge of data entry of timecards and personnel information in our human resources deparment. When he came on board, everyone really like him except, those with lisps and other speech issues. He has foremost respect for his first name and demands everyone that worked for him and with him to call him by his first name.

What? you want me to enunciate your first name when I need to address you? GADDAYM! I still am trying to get approval from the tech support people to add characters globally to our first name field! Your name just won’t fit! Our first name field has 12 characters maximum for a data set, you, you for heaven’s sake, have 26! So for now, let me worry about that first. When I get the Chief Operating Officer to sign off on this ‘minor’ change that I’m asking for to accommodate your name, then I’ll enroll at the nearest community college to learn how to enunciate your first name. Why can’t i just call you by your last name?

Dy isn’t it? Save me the trouble from going to school for it, much less the gas and the harm my car’s emission will do for the environment. Can I just call you Dy? Over the next year and a half that I was working there, he never once invited me to lunch, even on his birthday!

Having traveled the world (you little folks will get your chance someday), I have met people from all walks of life and the level of hubris on most of them. But wait, why are we talking about this already, let’s first talk about why we are talking about hubris in the first place.

Wait, what do we call ‘him’ again, oh right, HUBert (the date). Few days before the lunchtime crowd coffee date ( how pathetic can that be, I swear if on a first date I am asked to go to Starbucks, I’ll have that root canal that my dentist have been bugging me to have done in an instant), HUBert’s date, my geek friend, let’s call her Ma’am Win, was acting like a sixteen year old on steroids. Since she’s really young and accomplished anyway, I’ll give her that much! Dating, sure is a universe apart from the academe that she has unequivocally committed herself to ever since she’s learned how to add and subtract. This time, it’s an official date (regardless of the starbuck’s venue)!

I guess, they kind of connected and the date was going fine except for some minor interruptions from Gourdo’s (that was me actually checking in on her while she is on her date) and her friend, let’s call her ‘Sophie’ (the other half of the hungry, deprived and homeless democrat duo). We intentionally interrupted her ‘moments’ with HUBert just to check him out. After just 4 hours at Starbucks and spending a hundred twenty bucks for a Tall frappuccino, they decided that it was time to give up the club chairs for the other “paying” customers to sit on.

“I think this date is going well so far”, I told Sophie. “You think so?” she asked back. I said, for 4 hours????? and spending only a hundred twenty bucks, Yeah it must be going well! Hell, I pay that amount just to park my car for that long!

The word count now reads at 870. I still have a lot more to say about Mr. Starstruck ’12 so I’d skip some of the events that happened, though essential to the story, I just have no say on the matter.

A few days after that ‘let’s have coffee date’, Ma’am Win received a message from HUBert, a rather cheesy message quoting himself of how one’s hubris is indisposed or whatever. Boy, was my friend really impressed by that! So impressed that she created her own hashbrown just for it to trend. My initial reaction was, What? Hubris? Is that a drink or something? Needless to say, I texted her back and asked: “And what is Hubris mean, my friend?”

For a few days, I was engulfed by this word. I have lived in the U.S. for almost 30 years and I have once yet to encounter this word. Speak English, I demanded! Since that day, I’ve been unconsciously trying to identify examples of the word. Real life examples. I was told extreme pride was the definition and I still can’t find, for the life of me a reason why anyone would use it if not to impress someone. It impressed me, so to speak!

We were inside Promenade 5 watching this movie, Chronicle, when one of the lead characters suddenly mentions the word hubris. Through the darkness of the theater, somehow, my friend and I looked at each other at the very same moment and said: “OMG this is where he got it! Context and all!”

That has been the butt of jokes in our SMS world to this day.To the point that we specify our own HUBRIS ways intentionally to mock the whole impress me incident!

To date, HUBRIS has been the buzzword not just from the teenage thriller movie Chronicle, but also to the unsuspecting and gullible friend of mine who fell for it, at least in the beginning. She did wake up from that coma a week later.

For now, I will still explore the hubris side of people and will plagiarize the sucker for as long as I can. In more ways done one, now that I have scratched that word almost to its extinction, I feel a little bit of Greek in me. Hubris is a word that emanated from Greek Mythology. Thanks to google and wikipedia. I now feel my ‘hubris’ and damn proud of it!

Anyone care to disagree? ? ?

I thought so!

A year ago today, I went on a trip to Singapore with some very dear friends. I remembered the date because my friend just posted our pictures just a couple of days ago. Yes, just two days ago! Why? I haven’t the foggiest idea why she would post them a year later.

Well, it wasn’t such a bad idea afterall. I got to reminisce those fun times when I got soaking wet at Universal Studios. The biggest treat was, that was the first time that I was able to ride their killer roller coaster, over and over again. There were no lines. No waiting! Just us!

This just reminds me how theme parks are in the U.S., the lines average an hour long for a two minute ride. You spend your whole day at the park and get to ride maybe 2, 3 if you’re lucky. That just sucks!

Singapore has always fascinated me because of its almost sterile roads. Even Chinatown is so clean. The downtown area is just wall to wall shopping malls. Much like Hongkong, only hotter. If there is anything that I didnt enjoy there is their very arrid weather. Singapore lies almost on the equator, thus the heat.

Since this is not a travel blog, I would have to move on to another topic. If you want to find out more about Singapore, go to cebupacificair.com and buy yourself a ticket! Believe me, you will appreciate it more than me having to describe it to you. I guarantee it!

What else happened today! Oh , yeah! A neighbour/friend of mine passed away this Sunday due to liver cancer. God Bless his soul. I swear I saw his Suzuki Vitarra by ULTRA yesterday and it looked like he was the one driving. For sure! I haven’t seen nor talked to Mike in over a year. When I used to see him at the lobby I used to avoid him like a plague because he will sell me paintings as if I have my own pork barrel funds. He was a pushy guy, well, who isn’t in Sales? But overall nice guy. He has this voice that sounds like his toes were caught in the grooves of an escalator. Again, annoying but really nice guy!

Mike has a unique way of selling. he decided to consign a painting at our unit. I balked at first but since my walls were empty, I asked him to bring it over. It’s not going to cost me a dime anyway and at least I could enjoy it without having to pay for it.

A few weeks later, he was working me like a pro. Trying very hard to convince me to buy the piece.I politely declined and surprisingly, he backed off. I admit that Mike and I were not the best of friends, however, whenever we get a chance to bump into each other, he was always pleasant.

Mike, I am sorry I didn’t even know you got really ill. I will always remember that road trip we took to Mataas na Kahoy in Batangas. You were the only person that got me the closest to Taal Volcano without having to ride a dinghy. You are such a great host and your hospitality is second to none.

I’m not quite comfortable dealing with death. The news of Mike’s passing left an unsettling feeling within me. That’s probably the reason why I am a bit melancholic today. It’ll pass. I just need to refocus and mind the things that need my attention that I somehow neglected.

Today is so bo-ho-ho-ring! I’ll see if I can catch a flick later tonight. For now, I am going to raid the ice box and find me something to eat. I forgot about lunch today, oh well, no wonder I have a headache!

Cold pizza, a hamburger and a glass of water. I feel sorry for myself.

Now that I am a (young) adult, I realize how I still can have the propensity to torture myself especially now that I have the freedom to choose how and what I can use my time with.

I asked myself, since I am not really into malls (malls somehow bores the heck out of my wits), I could travel more but I really do not have a budget as big as the previous Arroyo Administration to do so with my friends( much less throw a million pesos for a steak dinner), I can only think of maybe challenging myself this time and check my tolerance for pain by making myself write a chronicle of my daily life.

A journal, whew! big word for someone like me. To me, that word connotes a million things. If there is something that I have tried doing in my life, writing a journal is the one thing that I stayed away no less than a continent away. if there was something that I can say that i am really intimidated by, that was it. Writing!

I now think all that has changed. My brand new experiences and of course the things that happened in my life in the not so distant past, the new ‘strangers’ in my life that I met and the new ‘characters’ that I kept are reasons enough to take it on. A friend once said to me: ‘a writer only needs good grammar and a lot of great thoughts, you seem to have enough of both’, well, that friend happens to be an editor of a daily broadcast sheet, who would ever doubt his comment? Me? Hell no!

Right now, I am surrounded by young minds, young hearts that have writing as a passion in their lives. They come in all forms. The savvy, the technical, the academic, the dark, the proud, the ‘hoity-toity’, the adjutated, the jealous, the curious, the OC etc etc. So, surrounded by this much resource, not only through input but by their own personalities as well, who can ever run out of ideas? Or thoughts?

My so called ‘new’ life has been filled with so much energy, new memories, funny moments, more funny moments, newly bred personalities, bitch fits, drunken binges that can fill the library of congress with new material for new ‘your momma is so stupid’ satire.However, I still get this weird senior moments and just couldn’t remember them when it’s time to take them out of the chest, I mean footlocker. Just like this past couple of days, I have been distracted by non-essential issues that turns out to be somewhat important.

Yesterday, despite the heat, I could come up with a more viable reason not to get out of the house than OJ Simpson can give beside his “glove doesn’t  fit” alibi.But family duty calls. My ‘writer’s block’ must take the back seat and attend to matters before they start blowing up on my face unexpectedly.

As I drove my uncle to the airport today, i dreaded the trip down EDSA so much because of it’s intrinsic and inherent characteristic, the horrendous traffic. I know, I have said this to myself ten thousand miles apart, (yeah..i borrowed that one too) that I will avoid this major artery at all cost. But try doing it your way with the largest and biggest back seat driver you can ever be in a car with, my Dad! Oh okay, I will just endure the 120 minutes that I carefully calculated that it’s going to take for the entire ride. Wait, OMG, I just noticed, this Van is so high tech! It reminds you that there’s a motorcycle in front of you, or that you’re getting too close to the bus or there’s an idiot crossing the avenue for you to SLAM ON YOUR BREAKS! Geez, its worse than Dad! I didn’t know my mom changed careers after she retired from the public school system over twenty years ago! She now is the voice over for Toyota Innova’s braking system! OOpppss!, Ohhhh!!, Car!!!!!!, Tao!!!!!!!! are just a few examples. I know they programmed more vocabulary in the system that I care to even mention. I just want to get this over with and go back to bed!

The day’s almost over, i have refreshed my phone several times already, been disappointed and back, but to tie more loose ends later  I shall expect. I still have to bring back the bait bus back to my mom’s house before dinner time. Why of all times my uncle had to leave on a Tuesday when my car can only be used during bankers hours.

Anyway,I have a few more hours ahead of me. I’m looking forward to starting my weekly cleaning duties. I need the therapy! I am very anxious!

Move it!!!

All day today, I felt like a  narcoleptic! I actually woke up with half a porkchop dangling from the side of my mouth and still seated on our barstool. I was terribly sleepy all day I checked my iPad to see if I had written anything at all, NONE but one word. “Heinz!” okay, is this a sign?

Why would I type in Heinz? Do I have something to say about it ? Is it something German? The closest thing I can think of that’s German is ….sausage??? BMW’s? Mercedes Benz? FaHrvervnugen? WHAT? The Holocaust? Oskar Schindler? Circumcision (PG) Heinz, Heinz, Heinz…..dang! I don’t know.

OMFG…Heinz! Heinz Ketchup! LOL! for my porkchop I suppose. Still, it’s not what i need.

Drove to my sister’s house earlier for dinner. I didn’t want to because I was lazy. Just thinking about all the effort having to get the car out of the basement parking is already a chore. I asked her what they’re having for dinner, she said, Pancit Bihon from Orchids (the motel), Chicharon Bituka ((from La loma), Pork Tenderloins (from Shopwise) and roasted chicken (i don’t know where it came from).

Uhmmmm, I hummed….do you still like to see me tomorrow?

She asked why, Well, your spread is just like me having my last meal.

How come?

If I ate what you’re serving, I probably would have a stroke by midnight! Since I live alone, no one’s going to call 911. In the morning, I’ll be a coroner’s delight.

Well, I still went. Though I really am not in the mood for whatever she’s serving. I went because it’s my uncle’s last night dinner before he flies back to Los Angeles tomorrow. If I get hungry later, I still have ciabatta bread from Bizu! I don’t think my stomach can keep down motel food.

I am now home again. Still staring at my damn laptop screen. i have mixed feelings though because the longer the time passes not knowing what to write, a part of me is excited because I AM EXPERIENCING WRITER’S BLOCK! I feel so legit! I have writer’s block!:)

I can actually prolong this you know? I mean, the writer’s block thing. I feel so entitled! I feel like a writer! It’s like how artists get so temperamental out of nothing. They just want to get moody because they are artists. I can do that too! I can choose not to write anything and stare at the screen all night and bask in the feeling of having a writer’s block. Because i am a writer! And we are entitled.

I am so adjutated! Nothing’s coming in. Nothing! i have gone in and out of my bedroom so many times my floors already have embedded my  footprints. I have scratched my head, my arms, and every itchy and non itchy parts of my body and still nothing.

Hang on. I have a text message. “i am naked. Stoned and naked.I am looking at myself…….” ooppss…I’ll read that later!

Now I wonder, what was that all about? Damn! I’m jealous. At least someone’s getting somewhere. I don’t think I have moved an inch today. What else can I do? I alphabetized the Magic Card Collection twice already. I dusted every picture frame hanging on the wall. I have changed the bedsheets twice. Still nothing! oh well, I better just call it a night.

If I don’t stop yet, by tomorrow……?……I might move!

I would not like that!

The trip took forever it seemed as I felt every single crack, gravel and cats eyes that divided the lanes while we drove. We got to our meeting palace and after an hour or so, my body is already feeling the effects from breathing in air that has more oxygen content than carbon monoxide. Finding myself swallowing my spit every few minutes each time to relieve the pressure building inside my ears gives me quite a rush, knowing that I am already a ways from the concrete jungle that I call home.

Seeing the trees again on either side of the road that bend at its peaks forming a canopy has always been my welcome sign to enter my other world. A world created out of hardwork, personal sacrifices, commitment and the promise of financial security. Though strictly an investment, I can find a million excuses to use it every now and then.

On trips like this, where my friends desire to emotionally detoxify their minds with just peaceful surroundings, I welcome it as my own retreat to rediscover more not just about life as it is in general but about myself as well.

This weekend, I have learned so much more about myself, my life, life in general by just spending a night with two friends who has contrasting aspects of maturity. I feel fortunate this time to be able to participate in conversations that I never had the opportunity of having when I was their age. Funny, I didn’t know that I have issues!only old folks have issues!

I’ve always thought that only my parents and my friends parents etc discussed issues or problems other than my having to figure out where to hide my principals invitation to discuss conduct, how to explain why I flunked in Pilipino, where to hide my weed, how to write an excuse slip for being absent for a week and a host of others.

Never was I able to post game any emotional baggage or even tell a soul if I had any. Whoa, I sometimes wish I was born just twenty years ago. I missed a hell of a lot !!!!! But I’m cool. I have a slew of friends that are more than happy to tutor and give me make up classes. I am a very willing student.

Post modern, post game, hash tags are just some of the few new things I have learned. Now, I feel much ahead compared to my own peers and age group. Some of them may say I am a mess, but I am a beautiful mess! (I borrowed that from Jason Mraz).

I now value the concept of balance. In any aspect of my life, I can apply them. Back when I was in my teens and early twenties, I never really had the chance nor the maturity or even the knowledge that balance in ones life is essential. Emotional and mental health talk were reserved for the institutionalized.

Today, this tone is different. I thought I’d add it on here as its made a real impact to me. I hope to you as well.

Emotional detox! The latest treatment plan for the emotionally repressed!

I’ll check the PDR if indeed its a medical diagnosis. If not, I’ll write it there myself!

Who needs Xanax afterall, when you’ve got the smartest and passionate friends around?

I know I don’t!

“Who you with dude?” I asked.

“Couple of friends I’d like you to meet”

I will never forget that short conversation.

“1…2…3…CLEAR!!!!!

“I got a pulse!!! BP 120 over 110….”

It was what jumpstarted my flat lining social life over the next couple of years.

She has one of the most calming faces I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. Her long hair accentuated her cheerful eyes hiding behind those carefully chosen framed glasses. Her soft voice soothed every bone in my stiffed body. She has this calming influence in every word she utters. It sounds like poetry in motion.

After arriving less than a few weeks ago, my life has never been this “good” hectic for as long as I can remember.

The days that followed, after my first trip to Baguio the week after I arrived, events were so significant, I could hardly contain myself. Suddenly, the rainbows started appearing within my field of vision. Ahhh, rainbows! It’s such a welcoming sight. A sight to reckon. I squinted a thousand times, to make sure that they were actually rainbows, colors in soft subtle hues. A very dark contrast from the grim last 4 years of my life.

Slowly, I begin to own my rainbows again. Yeah! I lay claim on them. At least this last one I got dibs on. Its colors were so vivid I can never get tired staring at it. It seems to give me a glimpse of the pallet my “new” life is to settle in. At this instance, It seemed that this rainbow, rose from the equator, arched over this continent and landed just inches from my feet. Another rainbow began forming from the Loakan area and I am pretty sure it arched well over above the entire city. Hues in bright Cobalts, Redsalts, tragic flame reds. I was watching it from atop Pines City, and that was the exact spot when I whisphered: “This rainbow is mine.”

Not only am I able to see them rainbows again, I can begin to start owning them all over again. Geez, I am rich after all! I used to own just real estate and fine automobiles, now I own a freaking rainbow! What can ever top that? The hell this rainbow comes in and out every few months! I took title to it and its insured.

So, when you get a chance to see the most beautiful and the largest rainbow, when you look up in the heavens, that’s mine dude!

Days passed on. I found myself acclimatizing to the supposedly winter weather I was preparing for right about the same time I decided to fly back. Strangers everywhere abound. It felt like I was drafted to this country where everyone you meet, run into or just plain ride the bus with, maintain a love affair with their mobile phones. No one seemed to care to talk. Everyone seemed to just have their heads fixed like a wall fan and doesn’t oscillate. There was this one soul that I met through a virtual  friend who seem to stick out from a roomful of texting textophiles.

I couldn’t make out his face because his hair was mostly covering it. It didn’t matter that I felt like I was watching a scene from the movie, The Ring, while we were exchanging car talk. Cars and everything that goes along with it is probably one of those few things in this world that can stretch my attention span for more than 3 minutes. It’s rare to find someone, not just anyone that can speak your language especially when it comes to cars. I was awed by how much he knows about cars for his age, about politics, the economy, spirits, literature. OMG, he’s quite a handful.

I guess, a couple of bottles of San Mig Light proved to be inadequate booze to the breadth of topics 2 people can talk about. He promised to bring reinforcement next time, a few each time, he said. He probably figured that I don’t have very many friends anyway. I thank you brother, for taking me under your wing and showing me off to your lifelong friends regardless of the geriatric gaps that was so obvious.

I now have met two, three of your friends. You promised more. Thank you! Recovery can’t be this good. It’s almost surreal.

Uhmmm, I now have a social calendar. I carry two networks in my pocket. Beeps are now a staple each day. I have a social life!

“Excuse me, (hold on, okay?), Manang……pa load!

I asked myself, this much has grown since I left? With everything else sprouting like fungus, did they think of building roads or highways? The landscape from above looks like this place wasn’t planned to grow this much. The main thoroughfares were lined with cars, trucks, jeepneys, trikes. And it doesn’t seem like they’re moving! Oh well, must be rush hour traffic. I am getting in at a little past 8 am and that scene is not surprising, even from where I came from.

As the wheels protracted, I can hear the gears from under my seat securing it seconds before I felt the first burn. As the plane rolls in at three hundred miles an hour, I felt the bumps on the runway. It was followed by more bumps and then a dip, giving me a feeling that I was at the Ninja ride in Magic Mountain. Yes, where else can you land in the world with a runway that feels like you’re driving through egg crates. “”Only in the Philippines”, the person next to me mumbled. I was a little startled, was this guy reading my mind? Or was I literally thinking out loud? Goosebumps! This guy must be the host from a show I used to watch on TV called, ‘Crossing Over’.

I have very mixed feelings as I went through immigration and customs. Not much has changed with the airport. It still has that musty smell permeating in the air that I remember from the last time. There were a lot more skinny people in dark glasses than I can recall though. There must be some VIP arriving or leaving the same time I was walking to the counters, I thought to myself.

Gone through immigration and customs in a jiff! Whew, that wasnt so bad! Some things never change. The greenbucks truly gets you through lines faster than the jet that brought you here in the first place.

This is my ‘new’ home, I should welcome it with arms spread as wide as the wings of the 747. I really do not have any choice anyway.

I was assigned to stay in the topmost floor. I call it the attic. The space is cavernous. I tried to take in the room as much as I can. Ahh a/c, I see an a/c unit. With the heat in this country as much as this,back in the States, I can steam clean my carpet without using any power. With the a/c in place, I could care less about the other things that I want or need to start my ‘new life’ over.

The first few days were uneventful. The so-called pleasantries were exchanged with extended families that only cared about if I brought them home corned beef and ziploc bags. Oh, there was a familiar character in the background, a houseguest, a frail and tiny woman with a laugh that can give you gas for weeks. She was an overbearing and condescending cheapskate that smooches with her host so she can have free accommodations. She was vacationing from California and I bet you that she brought home everything that she has bought from garage sales and thrift stores that she could fit in her allowed baggage. This was her passport to an inexpensive annual vacation.

I find it so annoying when she brags about some electronic or some household gadget and gives it to someone like it was their first time to see or get something like it in the boondocks. Excuse me, this country is packed with folks that has inborn colonial mentality, so mind you, if its obsolete in America, its useless here as well. Where have you been hiding all these years? I get it, you are just now experiencing the technological advances that were enjoyed and passed on back when Reagan was still in the White House. Tita, Reagan now has a library named after him for quite some time now. We have had 2 generations of lying BUSH’S, a blowjob CLINTON, and for the first time, a black PRESIDENT!  You couldn’t have saved all these things ALL those years for your trip this time? They now have 110 volts ac in their outlets at home, a luxury only our laundry  rooms would have back in the States while they have it here in their entire house! Doesn’t that tell you anything? Get off your first world mojo! This place isn’t quite third world anymore, honey.

One evening while having dinner, I almost puked my lunch at the dinner table when the houseguest started reminiscing stories with my mom of what they did together when mom was in California. I mean, there was not much to be proud of as far as your hospitality taking my mom places. My mom has learned that second-hand items sold at Goodwill and Salvation Army are ACTUALLY for sale! Oh, people here actually buy the stuff that were bought at auction in storage warehouses? What a surprise? Oh yeah, where can I buy soiled t-backs of Cher? I’d love to get one and have it framed and hung in my living room.

I must admit, she became a source of laugher for me each time I am reminded of her. How she enables my mother’s condescending issues that she hides deep inside her. Only her and her alone can extract that from my mom. That I can give her credit for .

The first week in my new house of my new life wasn’t so bad. Can’t wait to see what the following weeks have in store for me. For now, I have to put away the avocado colored blenders, the rust colored kitchen mitts, long playing records and cassettes ( how and where do you use those??? i’ll have to dig deeper in our basement, it has been 2 generations since I last saw them in use), mismatched wine glasses (probably bought from different streets in Garden Grove), a broken chandelier and OH! this one should make it to the Guinness Book of World Records, a badly stained and yellowing WEDDING DRESS! Who for heaven’s sake is going to wear a used wedding dress that was worn back when Richard Simmons shorts were in style? (she said that she felt like there was a wedding coming up) No, sorry, No REALLY!

Tita, what is that red mark lining down your nape? Oh, must be a rash huh? “Oh my God!, it’s my pashmina!!!! i forgot to have it dry cleaned before i left!!! I just bought that from an Estate Sale!

My mouth was half-open, turned my back, excused myself, looked at my  mom and then said: “Mom, send in the professional cleaners would ya? We can’t fix this on our own”

I have sensitive skin!