Since Abigail was born still certain music has had a very special place in my heart.  It was hard to plan a funeral service for a baby that we never got to know, or even meet, but songs helped to express what we were feeling on that special day.  And, in the months that followed I kept coming across new songs which made me think about my beautiful baby daughter and how much I missed her.

More recently, I made a playlist of songs that spoke to me about Abigail as a gift for my lovely wife.  This was a good way to honour both of the special girls in my life.

Around the first anniversary of Abigail’s death I felt so much emotion but not the release of tears.  It was music once again that broke through my emotional reserves as I eventually sobbed my heart out listening to one particular song.

Anyway, I thought I would share here some of the special music that reminds me of Abigail.  Since the web is not as joined up as it should be, you might not be able to play all the music linked here.  If so hopefully a quick internet search will bring you somewhere where you can hear them or failing that, try spotify or youtube.  If I have already posted on this blog about a song I will link to that otherwise I will try and find a version online.

Songs about stillbirth

Some songs that seem to me to be about stillbirth or the loss of a child include:

- Still by Gerrit Hofsink is perhaps the most powerful song about stillbirth specifically – “Lost you before I found you, gone before you came, but I love you just the same.  Missed you before I met you, on earth we never can, but in heaven we’ll meet again.”  You can read the lyrics here along with a youtube video of the song.  Thanks to Sian for first introducing me to this song

- Heaven is the face by Steve Curtis Chapman – I love this song and also With Hope and Beauty will Rise by the same grieving father.  I happily recommend the whole album in fact.

- A little more of you by Ashley Chambliss is a recent discovery for me – thanks to In the land of Broken Hearts

- Daughter of heaven by Kate Rusby

- Gone too soon by Michael Jackson also seems very appropriate for a grieving parent but I am not sure if that is what it was originally about

- I will take you home by the Grateful Dead of all people

- Somewhere over the rainbow always reminds me of heaven

Some love songs (which still do it for me)

Two songs by snow patrol which I only discovered recently include the haunting lyrics of Chasing Cars and the rising anthem of Run.

High by Lighthouse Family was a song we very nearly had at Abigail’s funeral but in the end we went for Friends by Michael W Smith, mainly for the first few lines “packing up the dreams God planted, in the fertile soil of you.  I can’t believe the hopes he’d granted, now a chapter in our lives is through.  But we’ll keep you close as always”.  I can’t bring myself to type the next line because it isn’t even remotely true!

I will always love you by Whitney Houston reduced me to an emotional pulp a few months after Abigail died when it came on the ipod on random shuffle.  I had a similar response to One more day by Diamond Rio – forgive the video! 

Unchained Melody by Righteous Brothers is another love song that is now forever about Abigail.  As is Without you by Dixie Chicks and 20 Good Reasons by Thirsty Merc.

The current ringtone on my mobile is Sweet Child O’Mine by Guns and Roses – just the guitar solo at the start – still no one had picked up on the relevance.

Heaven by Live is another song which has Abigail written all over it for me.

Annie’s song by John Denver is a song that I sometimes listen to when I climb the hill where we scattered Abigail’s ashes.  Another such song is Go rest high on this mountain by Vince Gill or To where you are sung by Josh Groban

A Father’s love song for his daughter which reminded me of all the potential lost when Abigail died and also spoke of our ongoing infertility troubles is Cinderella.

Christian worship songs

The old children’s song Jesus loves me seems very appropriate for Abigail – risk searching youtube at your peril for this one.

As high as the heavens (voice of hope) – a song pointed out to be by Andthroughthestorm who had this song at the thanksgiving service for their daughter Abi.

A song by Matt and Beth Redman (who have had three miscarriages) is Blessed be your name. Also by Matt Redman is You never let go, a song based on Psalm 23.  Also further down in the same link is At the foot of the cross (Beauty for ashes) which helped me to start thinking about looking for beauty and God in our grief.

Two songs which we sang at Abigail’s funeral were How deep the Father’s love for us (which speaks about how God was himself a bereaved parent) and God of Grace (I stand complete in you) which includes the line “strivings and all anguished dreams in rags lie at my feet, but only grace provides the way for me to stand complete.”  A song played at the end of Abigail’s funeral was There is a Day which I absolutely love as it has such hope in it.

More recently I came across Jesus, draw me ever nearer by Keith and Kristyn Getty which spoke to me about letting God into my grief.

So as you can see quite a lot of songs have really touched me over the past 14 months.

What songs have really impacted you during your journey of grief?

(for a similar post on stillbirth poems click here)

Yesterday marked the first anniversary of the passing of a very dear friend of mine, Ruari McCarthy. He is greatly missed by many and left a huge gap in the lives of a lot of people. Fortunately for us he also left a huge impression and many happy memories.

I had planned to do this post last night but i had to be through in Stirling for 9pm and was rushing about after work, which reminds me, i’ll do a post on Sunday about how last nights DJ set at D.U.S.K went. I’m just not exactly in the mood for talking bout things like that tonight.

Ruari passed away on the 29th of October last year, he was just 3 weeks short of his 25th birthday. He had suffered from epilepsy and asthma from an early age and took frequent aggressive attacks from both. He always had the courage and strength to overcome these attacks, unfortunately on the night he died it was a combination of both illnesses that proved overwhelming.

Ruari was one of the most genuinely nice people you could ever wish to meet. I could go into a whole description about him and how much of a brilliant, caring person he was but to be honest i’d find it too hard to locate the words to use to describe him. I first met him in December 2006, we were introduced through a mutual friend and before you know it, by January of the following year myself and Chris had convinced him to join a music project we had (Racecar Kayak). Ruari was so much more talented at music than i first thought. I remember the first jamming session we had i had thought to myself  “this guy is useless he can’t even keep in key with us”. How wrong was i?! Ruari had a unique and hidden talent that only his girlfriend Aiobfan knew about. His voice. Racecar Kayak was myself and Aiobfan on guitar, Chris on drums and Ruari on bass. We played post rock instrumental stuff, there was no singing, so little did we know what was lurking in that voice box of his. It wasn’t until summer 2007 when i went and seen him at an open mic night in Nice N Sleazys that i heard him singing for the first time. He had done two of his own songs and yes, i was impressed, really impressed, but it wasn’t until he did covers of  “Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” by Jeff Buckley, “Here Comes Your Man” by The Pixies and “Glorious” by Andreas Johnson and made them his own that i thought “WOW”. I was in the midst of something special. He could go from high to baritone to whisper to scream to heartbroken to ecstatic and back again. But his voice was something that he rarely shared and like me he preferred playing instrumental music. There was a reason i liked just playing music though and not singing so much……….i can’t sing! Ruari’s decision however baffled me. Here was a guy with a truly unique voice who chose only to use it occasionally. I had tried to convince him to add vocals to a few of the Racecar Kayak demos but to no avail. We did however record a few tracks together. Sadly only two have seen the light of day. A cover we did with shared vocals and guitar of ”So Real” by Jeff Buckley made a brief appearance on YouTube and an acoustic take of  “Stay, I Missed You” was recorded as a birthday present for his fiancee Aiobfan in 2008 with Ruari singing and me on guitar duties.

I could go on forever with stories about Ruari and say how much i miss him and how much i miss trying to decipher his Southern Ireland accent but i won’t. Instead i’ll just say that it’s been a hard year since he died but myself and his friends and family have kept out hearts warm by reminiscing about good times we shared with him and telling stories about his Irish humour. Because of his health conditions Ruari didn’t drink much, he didn’t need to he was as fun loving and honest and open as they come but when he did drink he morphed into a stand up comedian! You couldn’t shut him and his filthy tongue up. But we all loved it that way and i wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

I’m going to post a few videos of some songs as a tribute…

The first one explains itself…

UNKLE – Heaven

Where’s the Seraphim?
Where’s the money that we made?
Where’s the open gate?
Where’s the fortune that we saved?

Heaven’s here for you and me
With every falling curl
Heaven’s here for you and me
We gained ourselves the world

Hit the Motorway
I can take it all at speed
I got everything
I got everything you need

Heaven’s here for me and you
Scattered out with pearls
Heaven’s here for me and you
We gained ourselves the world

Where’s the warrior of light?
The gates of solid gold?
Paranoia, in a fight
With dreams that never fold
Heaven’s here for me and you
Scattered out with pearls
Heaven’s here for me and you
We gained ourselves the world
Heaven’s here for me and you
We gave ourselves away..

The second video is of a song that Ruari and Aiobfan shared a mutual love for, there wasn’t much they agreed on musically!

Lighthouse Family – High

The third is a video of a band that Ruari and i discovered together by accident at a random gig one rainy night in October 2007…..the song’s called “For Jonathan” and The Album Leaf had recorded the song specifically for a family that had just lost their son. I can’t think of a better way to descibe this song than heartfelt and so i’m going to call it “For Ruari” this one time and dedicate it to him.

The Album Leaf – For Ruari

And lastly, as my own tribute to Ruari i’ve recorded a version of one his favourite songs. The last gig he ever played was in June last year at Nice N Sleazys and he played this song, i have the live recording of it from that night but for personal reasons i’m choosing not to post it. There’s only a dozen people at most who have heard it and it’s likely to stay that way cos it breaks my heart to hear it. I feel likes it the last memory i have of him and would like to keep it my own.

But anyway, here’s my version of it. I’m sorry for the quality of recording and excess noise, it was done in two 10 minute takes. I happen to be really nervous when singing and hold the microphone to close to my mouth, it’s a comfort thing but unfortunately it creates a buzzing sound. I recorded it guitar and vocal first and then tracked another vocal over the top of it. I feel more comfortable having my voice twice in songs i record, it makes me feel like i’m singing along with somebody else. Probably sounds weird to some i know but it’s the only way i can feel comfortable.

MP3: Fragile X – Skinny Love

I know i’ve not exactly got the best voice but please don’t think of it as me trying to do a cover of a Bon Iver song, just listen to it for what it is, a tribute to a lost friend.

cronaím thú Ruari

S.I.T Wolf X

ps. i had planned to post a photo of Ruari but after consulting Aiobfan decided it’d be best not too.

Firstly, thanks to Emily Law for telling me the name and artist of this nice happy song I heard on the radio one morning It’s making a bit a HIGH, haha. xD It’s really made my day. If you haven’t heard it already, it’s called ‘High’ by Lighthouse Family, a duo that unfortunately split up in 2003.
LISTEN to it! =D the lyrics can be found here.

Which leads me to something else. UNINTENDED! (Muse) I absolutely love this song right now.

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I’ll always love

You could be the one who listens
to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I’ll always love

I’ll be there as soon as I can
But I’m busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I’ll always love

I’ll be there as soon as I can
But I’m busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before

I’ll be there as soon as I can
But I’m busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before

Before you

The music video, which is very strange… and kind of hypnotising too… they look so different now compared to back when this was made and I swear that Matthew’s lips don’t quite sync with the music, but whatever

I’m only just beginning to really appreciate Muse’s debut album, Showbiz. I think it’s brilliant, although Black Holes and Revelations has still got to be my favourite at the moment. Hmmm.

It’s 1.43am and I’d better be getting to bed soon. I’m still not feeling my best, after getting sick unexpectedly during these past few days. Thankfully it wasn’t as serious as last time. So it’s finally come to this, the end of the road. The last week (less actually) of school, forever. Tomorrow (well more like in a few hours time) is the literary luncheon, which should hopefully be interesting. Basically everyone had to (either in groups or solo) dress up or make some sort of visual rep about anything in English – whether it be a theme, quote, technique – or something else altogether. It will be interesting to see what people came up with, although I’m expecting most of them to be lame. In a good way of course As an added bonus we get to see everyone dress up in boy’s uniform as well – thanks James and Joseph – which I expect to be a prime opportunity for photo-taking. Yes. :3

Tuesday is “dress up like a junior and invade the junior classes” day, which should be fun. I think teachers vs year 12s basketball has also been postponed to Tuesday as well due to the duststorm last week. Wednesday is LUNCHEON! I still haven’t figured out matching shoes and accessories. I can’t be bothered at the moment. Hrm. In fact, I can’t be bothered doing much these days. Which is a bad thing, considering the HSC’s in 3 weeks and 1 day…wait did I just say THREE WEEKS?! OH MY GAD CRAP NOOO

Bedtime now! I think the mega long post will be up on Friday, when I don’t have to go to school and before I start intensively studying during the holidays. Ugh.

The choice rests in your hands...

Now that actually makes me want to go work…thanks Thom. Later everyone

Lighthouse Family – High

doveva essere il più bello, invece si è trasformato in un incubo… da troppo tempo ormai non ne festeggiamo uno decentemente… sempre arrabbiati, sempre tristi, sempre malinconici, sempre a dirci cose cattive… ma nonostante tutto… nonostante sia un giono negativo, è pur sempre il nostro 18… ed io ne vorrei tantissimi altri di questi 18… magari più allegri sì… ma ne vorrei a vagonate… perchè nonostante tutto…..

How wonderful life is
while you’re in the world.

ti amo… nonostante tutto… e nonostante tutto AUGURI pussola mia

Marco BJ

indeed, it is the greatest hit from lighthouse family.

love the work…

recently, i heard the accoustic version of this…

more soulful, love it more.

i haven’t found the copy yet, still searching… =)

This is my Favorite Duo: Lighthouse Family!
Lighthouse Family is a British musical duo that rose to prominence in the mid-1990s and remained active until the early 2000s. Vocalist Tunde Baiyewu and keyboard player Paul Tucker formed the act in 1993 in Newcastle upon Tyne, UK after meeting while studying at university. Their 1995 debut album Ocean Drive sold more than 1.6 million copies in the UK alone and established them as a popular easy listening duo throughout Europe.

Although none of their singles reached number one on the UK Singles Chart, they did reach number one on the Australian Singles Chart with the song “High”.

Lighthouse Family scaled down in early 2003 because of what they called a “heavy promotional schedule” following the release of Whatever Gets You Through the Day in 2002. This led to both men pursuing individual projects. Baiyewu is now a solo artist,while Tucker joined a rock band, The Orange Lights.

According to their management, the band has not split up despite being inactive: “there is always the possibility of another Lighthouse Family album one day.”

Lyrics:
Sometimes I get tired of this me first attitude
You are the one thing that keeps me smiling
Thats why Im always wishing hard for you

cause your life shines so bright
I dont feel no solitude
You are my first star at night
Id be lost in space without you

And Ill never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

Feels just so fine
When we touch the sky me and you
This is my idea of heaven
Why cant it always be so good

But its alright, I know youre out there
Doing what youve gotta do
You are my soul satellite
Id be lost in space without you

And Ill never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

And Ill never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

And Ill never lose my faith in you
And Ill never lose my faith in you

Download Video:
Lost In Space Download

(El que sento)

M’he aixecat inflamat d’ulls i nas, alguna cosa passa a l’ambient. Ja saps que ha plogut, però alguna cosa esencial deu haver quedat a l’ambient que m’ha escollit i m’ha atacat. He pres 600 mg d’eecs amb forma d’ibuprofeno i sembla que ha funcionat, et podria dir quant dura l’efecte d’aquest fàrmac en mi.

Doncs bé, he pogut anar a la platja, el sol tocava el meu rostre inflamat, amb permís de qui t’escriu. A més el vent no bufava massa fort, s’estava bé, no hi havia massa parroquians, els xiringos estaven oberts… crec que han inaugutat temporada aquests dies. I el temps ha tornat a passar lent quan jo volia que passes ràpid, i al contrari. I ara estic aquí, esperant encara que vingui una onada de les d’aquest matí, i no me n’adono que ja sóc a casa.

Massa tard?

Toda quinta-feira com um convidado especial.

A Soulution Orchestra comemora 10 anos e o seu reconhecido vocalista Zé Rodrigo lança seu primeiro show e disco paralelo ao trabalho realizado com a banda. A estréia do novo projeto será dia 19 no John Bull Music Hall e o convidado para a data será o multi-instrumentista Derico, do grupo O Sexteto do Programa do Jô.

Derico, do grupo O Sexteto do Programa do Jô.

Nesse repertório soul estão artistas contemporâneos como Simply Red, George Michael, Lighthouse Family, Amy Winehouse, Joss Stone, além de alguns temas antigos.

Soulution Orchestra e o seu reconhecido vocalista Zé Rodrigo.

“Sempre quis tocar algo numa linha mais dançante, mais eletrônica, enfim, mais moderna. Algo mais versátil, que não tivesse a ver com a Soulution. Um trabalho para aproveitar excelentes canções contemporâneas e misturar com as antigas que já fazem parte de meu repertório. Essas a gente rearranjou para algo bem mais dançante”, explica Zé Rodrigo.

A banda que acompanha o cantor no novo trabalho é composta por Claudio Jardim no baixo, Edú Cardeal na bateria, Davi Sartori no teclado, Rafaela Braga e Bruninha Lobo nos vocais, além do arranjador, produtor, guitarrista, e também diretor musical, Emerson Antoniacomi. Não pensei que pudesse juntar pessoas desse nível musical em uma banda. E como sou fã de todos eles, estou super empolgado com o trabalho”, afirma.Desde então, teve a oportunidade de estudar com mestres renomados como João Dias Carrasqueira, Antônio Carlos Carrasqueira, Jean-Noel Saghaard, Lídia Alimonda, Héctor Costita e Amilson Godoy.

Derico, começou seus estudos de flauta aos 5 anos de idade

Roxette – Joyride

Soul Asylum – Runaway Train

Guns N Roses – Knocking on Heavens Door

Lighthouse Family – High

Enigma – Return to Innocence

Vangelis – Conquest of Paradise

Aerosmith – Amazing

Spin Doctors – Two Princes

4 non Blondes – Wht´s going on

Crash Test Dummies - MMM MMM MMM

Falco – Out of the Dark

Suara Tunde itu enak banget. Ya, Tunde Baiyewu, Si Hitam bersuara emas yang menyanyikan lagu Lost In Space dengan apik. Tunde dengan suara khas sengau Afika yang susah dimiliki banyak orang. Suara khas dari vokalis Lighthouse Family.

Lighthouse Family adalah salah satu grup (duo) musik yang ane suka. Mainnya tenang, profil-nya gak jijingkrakan cari perhatian, lagunya asyik buat nyantai maupun kerja.

Diengan suaranya lagu Lost In Space bisa menjadikan suasana bernada kontemplatif. Namun hebatnya juga bisa untuk asyik kerja. Beat musiknya sederhana, liukan lagunya mengena dengan kedalaman syair makna.

###

Lighthouse dalam bahasa kite jadi namanya mercusuar. Nah, kalau mercusuar itu  ya gunanya menjadi patokan kapal yang mau melintas atau berlayar dekat dengan daratan.

Apalagi kalau daratan itu penuh ombak dan karang terjal, kehadiran mercusuar begitu dinantikan dan vital.

Begitu pun di saat peperangan atau ya, saat-masih belum damai lah. Pasukan Hezbullah di Lebanon, punya juga mercusuar. Namanya Al-Manar, yang dalam bahasa orang sono berarti Mercusuar.  

Al-Manar adalah sebuah program televisi yang menyiarkan berbagi informasi yang berisi ragam budaya, cerita keluarga dan informasi lainnya. Namun, setelah beberapa lama, akhirnya setasiun ini lebih banyak berisi mengenai menyemangati pejuang Hezbullah dan motivasi cinta tanah air bagi bangsa arab di Gurun Sinai, tanah palestina hingga  Lebanon.

Hebatnya, TV ini dulu memakai satelit pemancar sewaan dari Thailand. Sayangnya gara-gara Amerika memasukkan hezbullah sebagai bagian dari pasukan milisi yang dianggap dan dimasukkan sebagai jaringan Teroris, Thailand memutuskan kontrak sewa satelit dengan TV Al-Manar.

Lha, kemana donk mereka akan menyandarkan gelombang? Maka jawabannya adalah INDOSAT. Ya, satelit milik Indosat menjadi pelabuhan sandar bagi sang mercusuar.  Kontraknya hingga beberapa tahun ke depan, dan masyarakat yang punya parabola bisa menikmati pancaran siaran Al-Manar ini.

###

Tapi apa boleh buat. Amerika itu memang rese dan sok jagoan. Mereka protes dan merasa keberatan kalau Indosat pegang kontrak dengan Al-Manar.

Utusan Kedubes Amerika sudah sowan ke beberapa pejabat. SBY pun pasti sudah paham masalah ini. Intinya, Amerika minta kita jangan memberikan fasilitas apapun kepada jaringan teroris.

Ah, SBY dapet ujian baru lagi.

Mana yang akan dipilih?

Daripada bingung, yuk ‘ah dengerin lagu Lighthouse Family lagi…