Four days into the new year, and things have managed to stay on the upside. Well… Aside from the temperature. The week is getting a chilly start, and it’s only gonna get colder. I guess that’s the only bad thing bout the year so far… But that’s Winter for ya. My mom and I went running with a couple of the ladies tonight, despite the frigid air and still-icy roads. We didn’t last long though. Only got in about 20 minutes. Kinda felt pointless, but I guess it’s better than nothing.

Here’s to hoping things continue to fly high.

Tonight was a good night. We had the fam over for chili with a side of football. The Giants lost, which was expected. The Broncos lost too, which wasn’t as expected. But the Ravens and Chargers won, so I guess that makes up for the other losses.

I’ve been thinking a lot bout what I’m going to do once I’ve got my TEFL certification – assuming I pass the course. I think I want too many things. I want to try to get a job in Egypt with Amber; I want to find an ESL job in California; I want to work in France; I’ve even considered enlisting in the Navy. That last one though would mostly be for financial reason… Though I think it might be an interesting path to go down. I guess we’ll see where things lead next month.

The Wog and myself

It’s a fact. Pirates have the best songs. Yo ho Yo ho a pirate’s life for me... Ring a bell? Their songs are made to be chanted by the crews as they swab the decks and make people walk the plank (fact #2).

This Peter and the Wolf song is the best attempt at a modern pirate song I have heard. I love it. And I hope you do too.

I don’t really feel like writing much of anything tonight, not even about the usual crap that’s on my mind. I have had an absolutely unproductive new year’s day. Don’t know how I feel bout it, but I don’t really care. It was a day off. I think I’m perfectly justified in doing nothing.

The run last night was fun, though they cut the miles down to 2 due to ice and snow on the route. I made pretty good time on it too. Sunday Dad is making chili, so we’re having the ‘family’ over. It’s looking like it’ll be a good weekend.

Happy New Year.

…One minute to say goodbye before we say hello. I had an extremely busy New Year’s Eve, and it’s not even over yet. I came back to a pile of unfinished work this morning. I can’t be too angry with my coworkers because they had to pick up a lot of slack this week… But at the same time, when Brad and I were in the same situation a few months ago, we didn’t leave until everyone’s files were pulled, no question. But I got through all my files today, and Heather had enough time to help me out with some objections, so I can’t stay mad. I’m going to leave that all in 2009. And while I won’t be able to leave that job to 2009, I think I’ll be able to keep a more positive attitude about it. Mostly because I know I won’t be there much longer.

I’m surprisingly in a good mood this New Year’s Eve. Mom and I will be running in the Race Into the New Year 5k again tonight. I feel good bout 2010. A nice way to end the year, I think. I feel like I’ve learned a lot of things over the past twelve months. Things about myself, things about other people. Hopefully this good feeling will last and I won’t regress to my old ways, in terms of guys at least. I think I’ve got a lot to look forward to in the new year.TEFL cert courses, teaching jobs possibly opening up round the world, another EH reunion – hopefully in Las Vegas, a change in scenery… Again, hopefully.

So here’s to another year, come and gone and to a new year with loads of promise. Happy New Year all!

Bonne année!!!

Dad and I made it back safely. The weather didn’t hinder us at all, except a teensy bit through Corona. The roads were a bit snow-packed, but we made it through. Apparently work has been horrific since I’ve been gone, as well as the other clerk whose mother died last week. Tomorrow will not be fun. Maybe since it’s gonna be so busy, it’ll go by quickly. Hopefully.

I had a wonderful time with my family these past few days. It makes me sad to see my grandparents (more my grandpa really) in their condition. Grandpa’s on an oxygen tank and has to have nebuliser (sp?) treatments everyday. He and I were talking, and he said, “If I knew I was gonna live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.” I was so sad to hear that. Maybe if he had taken care of himself, he would’ve expected to live this long. And my grandma isn’t in as good shape as she lets on, which really tears me up, especially since she continues to smoke – she’s got lung cancer that I guess they can’t fix, so she figures there’s no point in quitting if things won’t get better. I hate it.

I wish this dog was mine

 A cordeo is simply a neck rope.  It can be made out of virtually anything: rope, leather, beta, or even baling twine.  It is placed so that it lies loosely around the base of the horse’s neck.  If you are going to be riding with it, you will need it a little longer.

 One of the benefits of using a cordeo in most of your training is that you can almost never force the horse into doing what you want.  Sure you can use a lot of pressure, but with almost no control or pain.  This allows you to use it as a tool to increase your bond with your horse.  By using it only as a communication tool and not a pain inducing tool, you can gradually gain more of your horse’s trust.  It allows your horse to be confident that he will not be hurt.  It also allows you an opportunity to train without having to use controlling pressure.  You cannot get harder and harder or use physical pain.

 It is also a measuring device.  It allows you measure how much your horse desires to be with you, trusts you, and listens to you.  If you can’t lead your horse in the most basic of circumstances with the cordeo, then it is time to go back and work on your relationship with your horse.  If you can’t lunge your horse with the cordeo, then you might want to go back and work on lightness.

 You can begin using the cordeo to teach your horse to do a few simple things.  You can teach him to back up with light backward pressure on the cordeo.  You can teach him to break at the poll with a light upward pull of the cordeo.  You can teach him to turn left or right by just laying the cordeo against his neck.  These things probably will take time, but, by its very nature, the cordeo will not let you rush anything. 

 Teaching your horse to respond to the cordeo will take as long as it needs to take.  You will have to learn to watch what your horse is telling you.  Is he telling you that you are using too much pressure, even if it is only a pound or two of pressure?  Is he telling you he doesn’t understand what you are asking?  I had to learn these things when I taught Jackson to sit down.  I used only the cordeo.  No whip, halter, or confining paddock.  There were times when I had used a little too much pressure and saw my horse stop trying.  I had never seen that before.  I couldn’t when I was always using controlling pressure.

 The cordeo teaches you to be softer and lighter.  If you have to pull, it is too much.  The pressure shouldn’t be pressure at all; it should be a feather light touch, as the training progresses.  By beginning with lightness, you will end up with lightness.

 Using a cordeo allows the horse to make a choice: whether to listen or not.  He learns that if he doesn’t want to do something, you can’t make him.  This opens a world where horse begins thinking for himself.  It allows him a certain amount of free choice.  When your horse knows he has this freedom, you can really learn whether your horse wants to work with you or not.  Then you must endeavor to find ways to get your horse to turn to you on his own.  Turn to you of his own free will, without restraint.

 Using a cordeo can teach you to be light.  It can teach you to watch what your horse is telling you.  I can help your horse to begin thinking and interacting with you.  It can be the beginning of a fantastic relationship between you and your horse.

Well, it looks like we’ll be making our way back home tomorrow afterall. We got about an inch of snow this morning, and it was gone this afternoon. Crazy. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though, since this is the desert. I’m sad to have to leave, but I’m looking forward to being home. Rather, I’m looking forward to the drive being over. I wish I was going in the opposite direction though… As much as I hate to admit it, my dad has been driving me crazy. It’s stuff that bugs me even at home, but now it’s been four straight days of it. Non-stop. Usually it’s only on the weekends that I encounter this crap, and it’s spaced out. But not on this trip. It’s pretty constant. And I hate that this stuff bugs me because that’s just who my dad is; he can’t really help it. I love him dearly, but as with all parents I guess, I can only take so much of him. It’s definitely been an interesting trip though. I’ve never gone on a road trip with just Dad. We’ll see when the next one will be. 

Randomness – some words that make me uncomfortable:
- junk (when my dad sasys it and is referring to male anatomy)
- lubrication (or any other form of that word)
- penetration (especially when sports analysts use it) 

I’m knackered, so I guess I’m gonna throw in the towel for the night… Even though it’s only half-8. I’ve got to be up early though, so it’s justified. 

What a cute little cousin

It’s still snowing here. Not sure when it’s supposed to stop, and I’m really hoping it doesn’t hinder our trip home tomorrow. Not that I really want to leave here – because it’s nice to see family – but I don’t want to take another day off work, and it’ll be nice to be home again. I’m definitely ready for some warmer weather. My Uncle Mikey snuck out here for a visit too. I told him I’d just hitch a ride back to California with him. If only I really could.

It's a long way from there to here.

I am beyond tired after an eventful day here in New Mexico with the family. Therefore, I’m going to keep this short. And by short, I mean I’m finished.

:)

The Winter Solstice has passed and we are approaching spring, the time of birth and an end to the darkness of winter. The days are growing longer and there are murmurs of life within the melting snow. It is in this world of new birth that we look back on the coldness, harshness, and exquisite beauty of the darkness of winter. We see all around us transformations. The deer and rabbits have given birth to their young and we are gearing up for Beltane, the ancient celebration that turned maidens into mothers.

It is this time of transformation that forces us to remember that there is no light without darkness. The maiden’s voyage to that of motherhood is one of pain and pleasure intermixed. It is this cycle of darkness to light to darkness that pushes the world forward. It is mirrored in all of life. “The light can only be enjoyed because you have seen darkness” is not adequate; light can only exist because darkness allows it and vice versa. Growth happens in the darkness: plants cannot survive without darkness, animals could not be born without the darkness of the womb. Which was first, day or night?

So we must ask ourselves, what role does the darkness play in our personal lives and spiritual evolution? Do we embrace the darkness as the bat and owl do? The common Pagan idea is that darkness is necessary and that we must continuously deal with the darkness in order to grow because we must face that which we are uncomfortable with. It is not so much that we must conquer the darkness, but learn from the darkness, and especially from the darkness in ourselves.

This brings us to the question of what exactly is the darkness in ourselves. Is it the parts of us that we do not like? Or is it the parts of us that we are afraid of? Is it the abused child all grown up and dealing with his/her repressed memories? Is it when the man deals with his primal urges of rage and ferocity? In modern society, these would be considered dark and not things to talk about in mixed company, but why is this so? All people have these things that are unacceptable, so why are they considered dark? What makes them dark and not light? Who gave them the terms dark and light? These are all questions that are difficult to answer, but things that must be answered to understand this world of unknown, this world that we must understand to become the spiritual beings that we wish to be.

The origin of symbols commonly lies with the basic description of the symbol’s actions, habits, and emotions that are felt due to it. Well, obviously darkness does not many applicable habits or actions, so it must be inferred that it is a common emotion felt by mankind because of its presence. As a child, darkness is a time of fear; fear because you cannot see, fear because there are not adults to take care of you, fear because you feel alone, and most of all fear because the things from your nightmares seem to be all around you. Obviously, fear is the prevailing symbol of darkness because the darkness is unknown. But how does this play into the darkness within ourselves? Why are we afraid of ourselves?

For the most clear reason why a man would fear the darkness within himself, we must look to the stories of old, the stories that have become nightmares for children and horror movies for adults. We look to the story of the werewolf. Once a man realized that he had been turned into a werewolf, he would be afraid of this beast that came out. He would not be afraid for himself of course, but for others. This beast would tear and destroy all that he came across. He was fearless, angry, strong and indomitable, and yet the man would wish death upon himself many times over unless he accepted it as a part of himself and dealt with it. How does this old fantastical idea have any relevance, though?

Well, let us take this story and analyze it as a symbol rather than a literal story. What does the wolf represent within the man? The clearest answer is that the wolf represents the repressed primal urges and strengths within the man. It represents the anger, lust, fury, and ferociousness that comes with being a beast rather than a civilized man. Is it this primal nature that is the root of our darkness? The civilized man does not show his anger towards his fellow man, he turns the other cheek and disregards it. This would not have been the case in prehistoric man. If a man shamed or disgraced him, he would retaliate with fierce retribution.

Are we truly afraid of the beast within? Does this darkness really represent the most fundamental genetic parts of us? Is the fear of ourselves actually the fear that we shall lose the facade of civilization and revert back to our true selves who are not afraid?

Now
what is there to say other than keep your focus on alignment
what else is there to say other than you will receive exactly what is best and highest for you in the right time
every time
what is there to say other than you are subject to the laws of divine order
the laws of this universe and you are to use them for the best and highest for all concerned
by aligning with source
by keeping love first to mind
and not fear
by letting go of limitations fears worries concerns
by releasing them and shifting your focus your vibration to that of love that of forgiveness that of empowerment
not illusions
yes that is where your power lies and that is what will change the workings of your mind your heart your feelings the whole of who you are
know that you can align with source at all times and at any time
every now
indeed this moment you can be free
to align by choosing thoughts of relief joy and peace
thoughts and feelings of love come in so many shades
choose that which gives you the greatest rise the greatest lift the greatest feeling of passion inside and relief lightness and light
yes
this important for you to practice moment to moment
every chance you can
the only responsibility you have is to align with source and allow source to come through you directing your path
should you obey all that source brings to you
you will align with all your heart’s desires faster than you could imagine
whenever you do not act on that which source brings to you you delay the good your heart desires
you delay it only in the since that you are resisting the good
do not resist what is
for what is is truly the good
what is is truly the beauty and the majesty the glory and power the presence of source
yes in all things all situations regardless of what you deem them to be
they are good
they are of source
yes
in every way
for source is always present everywhere
there is no place you do not find source
so how do you figure some things are good and some are bad
realize that the world is conditioned to believe all sorts of things but the truth will set you free
when you let go of believing and begin seeking to experience the truth
seek to know the truth through alignment with love limitless love
your true nature who you truly are
let it unfold and know that all is well in this moment and in very moment
always has been and will continue to be so
yes
and so it is

- Morning stream of consciousness writing from John Stringer
Find out more about this blog by reading the BACKGROUND STORY.

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Dad and I tried our luck on the roads this morning… Didn’t go so well. We ended up heading home after getting only bout five miles out. But we’re gonna try again now since the sun is up and has some time to melt some of the ice. Wish us luck!

New Mexico or bust! Please not bust…..

I had a fabulous day today, and I hope everyone else did too, whether you celebrated Christmas or not. I’m getting ahead of myself though. Yesterday is when all the fun started. After work, that is. As was expected, Brad was late; another file clerk called in that morning; and the other clerk was dealing with the death of her mother in Arkansas. So for almost three hours, I was doing everyone’s work. Needless to say, I wasn’t a happy camper. When Brad finally showed up, he took forever finally getting round to doing anything. He doled out the orders, but I had to scan all the file stamp paperwork from the day before, and I still had to pull my orders – along with those of one of the clerks who called in. To make matters worse, the receptionist got it cleared for her to leave early and for me to sit at the front after she left until we closed (which at this point was 2PM). Luckily, due to the blizzard heading our way – yes, it was Tulsa’s first-ever blizzard – we got to leave at half-12. I packed up my stuff, but not before offering to help Brad with what he had left, and practically ran out of that place. Had to scrape the windows, but I made it home before most of the weather hit.

I didn’t really do much in the afternoon except for document the ever-growing snow drifts in the front yard. I don’t know anything officially, but out here, we got at least a foot of snow. That’s outrageous for Oklahoma. My mom and I planned on going to church last night, but after spending about ten minutes in the driveway trying to keep the wipers from freezing and only getting halfway down our block, we decided to turn round and call it quits. No sense risking our lives to go to a mass that got cancelled anyway. So instead we walked down to our neighbour’s house and took photos of his elaborate (though less than usual) light display. And then we ran back to the house because, hey, it was blizzarding out. Once inside, we banished Daddio to the back room and got all the gifts and wrapping supplies – including The Bells of St. Mary’s, one of our present-wrapping/Christmas Eve traditions – and got to work. We decided to wrap everything in white paper and spruce them up with ribbons and bows… A pretty outcome, but lots of work. We were wrapping till bout half-12. Ugh. I finally got to bed about a half hour later.

When I woke up this morning (7:45ish), Mom had already whipped out two apple pies and Dad was starting to shovel the driveway… Which I got to help with. We didn’t get breakfast till almost 10 and didn’t open gifts till half-10. We told my brother-in-law that he had to work for his gifts. After that though, things were pretty calm. Our company didn’t come over till 4ish so we had time to chill. Thank goodness the snow was shovelled by that point cause we were not about to go back out there for more. Once people showed up, things really kicked into gear. We ate too much food, laughed way too hard and pretty much just had fun. I couldn’t have asked for a better holiday, even with the blizzard and shovelling. I got to spend time with my friends and family. Who could ask for anything more?

Tomorrow Dad and I are heading to New Mexico to see my grandparents. I’m very excited and glad that the roads have been reopened. Hopefully we’ll have a safe drive there and back.

With my sister and cousin, taken with my *new* camera.

Ready to shovel some snow

Most people who whish to help and improve things have to face difficulties and obstacles both inside and outside themselves. One of the objectives of the work method in preparation is to unblock our own impediments, to reveal the gifts and capacities with which we have been blessed in order to help us and help the world be a better place. When a soul finds the way to express its gift in the world, it has found its path to Light. But in many cases those gifts are blocked or remain hidden.

The aim of spiritual work is to remove the many logs, twigs and dry leaves that have fallen into the streams of our lives generating stagnant areas of conscience, it is about restoring a continuous flow of creativity in the soul. Often it is not a question of knowing more, but of discovering what we already know but lies inaccessible to our conscience, hidden or forgotten. Learning to extract this information from the unconscious is the first issue we will propose in our method. The unconscious is a keen guardian of all our goods and wrongs. We must learn to recover all that information in order to use it as a tool in our work towards conscience, full capacity, skill and the free-flowing creative process of a lucid soul.
I do not share the idea that the ego is the baddy, always trying to deceive us and lead us to do wrong, and that we must disavow and destroy it. The ego is absolutely necessary because it is the instrument of the soul to manifest itself in the physical. When the ego is properly educated and trained, when it is connected to the white soul, well treated and happily integrated in personality, it is a superior ego with light of its own. A badly educated ego, denied, wounded, cast out and ill-treated, is the indicator of a dark soul. The soul stops reflecting light when it admits and lets itself be captivated by evil, darkness, doubt or fear. In that case the ego turns destructive and sterile.
As we work on the ideas/causes of our emotions, our soul will start opening itself to learning and experiencing from light and love, the ego will integrate into that soul which will know exactly what it wants in life, how to get it, how to make it beneficial to all those implied and finally give out to the world the best of itself, without concessions.

Does anyone go here anymore? I’m twenty-three years old, and I still do. It’s fun to see what Norad comes up with every year. It almost makes me wish there was a kid in this house on Christmas Eve so we could show it to them. But I’ll settle for entertaining myself. Work was agonisingly slow today and will likely be the same way for the rest of the week. I’m praying we get to go home early on Thursday. It was hard enough staying there all day today. One of our secretaries is out this week (and of course it’s the one I rely on for help because she and I work for the same demanding attorney), so everybody’s kind of been at his beck and call the past couple of days. I’m one of the unlucky ones. He stopped me this morning and said, “Our notes say we recieved a form 9 on this file last month, but it’s nowhere to be found. Find it.” So when I couldn’t find it, he told me to call the claimant attorney and have them fax it over to us. You know, the secretary’s job. Awesome. I eventually got hold of them and asked for the form – never recieved it. BUT, while I was at the front desk, looking for another fax that another person somehow lost, I happened across a file hiding several pleadings, one of which was the form I was looking for. Huzzah! I was so excited when I told my attorney that I found it, even though he hardly eked out a “thank you.” I didn’t care. I felt like a hero. Which is rare at this job. Yes, it’s happened before, but I hardly got any recognition for it… Should I expect that? I mean, I just found some stuff that others were either too lazy look for or incapable of finding. Meh. It made my day tolerable.

Weather was in the 50s today, though it was gloomy out. It’s supposed to be this warm, if not warmer , tomorrow. And supposed to snow on Thursday… Not gonna happen. Yes!

Just a fast post tonight. Only the two women who helped me out Friday evening at the Christmas party knew what happened at the party, thank God. Nobody said anything, so all is well. I went running with the ladies tonight. It was great because the weather warmed up a bit today. Like in the 50s, almost 60s. Wonderful. And yet, we’re supposed to be getting snow on Christmas Eve. Tell me if that makes sense.

Just three more days of work (and word on the street  is we get off early on Christmas Eve; let’s hope that’s true). Is it sad that I’ve been fighting the urge to nose through my stocking like a little kid? My sister took care of them this year, so they’ve been hanging on the mantle for about a week or so… When mom handles the, they don’t get filled till Christmas Eve. I’m going crazy. Just a few more days.

I really don’t av much to say tonight. Today was good. Which is rare, especially since I worked. But I had fun – most likely because two people from the fileroom were out today, and it was calm and quiet. Tomorrow will be back to normal. Though I’m going running with the ladies after work and having the ornament exchange after that. It’ll be another good night.

ICU

Holy shannon, I demolished my thumb last night trying to open a bottle of wine. Okay… I might be exaggerating a bit. My thumb is still intact, and really it only has a *slightly* deep gash in it, but it sure hurt like hell when the whole ordeal went down. Here’s the story: I got the corkscrew in the bottle and went to town pushing down the arms on the bottle opener. Too bad my thumb was in the way. I pinched a good chunk of it. It was quick but hardly painless. I crouched on the floor for a few minutes; my mom came and checked on me to make sure I wasn’t gushing blood; I fought back tears – so Mom wouldn’t see me cry. And then I got over it and opened the bottle so I could drink away the pain… With one glass of wine. Ain’t life grand? 

Definitely just realised that it’s Tuesday (and almost over, might I add). I thought it was only Monday. That’s good news. I’m further along in the week than I thought. Too bad it’s not Friday. Not only would it be the end of the week, but our office party would be going on… Well, if you want to get technical, it’d be over by now. But let’s not get technical. The office party is Friday. We get paid (four holiday hours) to go to a restaurant and eat and drink (yes, that would be alcohol) on the firm’s dime. And, I think we get a Christmas bonus at this party. Doesn’t get much better than that. Well………. 

My thumb was where that arrow is pointing. Pain.

As profound as that may sound, I was referring to tripping at the finish line of a race. A friend and I were discussing falling during a race at our run tonight, and I told her about my fear of doing so at the finish line. We decided it would be better to trip somewhere along the course, where you could run away from the embarassment. Funny how it all correlates to real life too.

Our run was frigid tonight. But I knew the perfect warm-me-up, if you will: une bouteille de vin. Too bad my thumb got in the way of the opener and got pinched to high heavens. It’s okay, the wine took the pain away.

I still smile when I see our tree, all lit up and keeping our pickle ornament snug and hidden. I’m finally feeling the Christmas spirit. And it feels nice. Christmas is less than two weeks away, and while I’ve not got hardly any gifts for anyone, I’m not feeling too stressed. It looks like it’ll be a fairly good end to the year and hopefully a nice start to the next one.

Thankful for my OU beanie and a heater

Well it’s Sunday, and it’s almost over. As with every weekend, I feel like I’ve not accomplished much. Recap: I’ve lost a friend – probably for the better though; I helped decorate our Christmas tree – and learned how to pose for cameras like they do on the Red Carpet; I saw A Christmas Carol – not that impressed with it, surprisingly; I wnet shopping with my mom for ornaments for a gift exchange with our running buddies; I ate way too much food at my sister’s; and now I’m waiting on some laundry to finish up and for the Giants to pull their heads out and turn this game around. I guess you could say I was pretty productive these past few days, though I hardly feel like it.

I’m back to work tomorrow, which I’ve been mulling over ever since Brad and I fell out. I know it’s going to be awkward; I just need to remember to control myself and not say or do anything to cause even more trouble. I should’ve thought to do that before I sent that text the other night, but I finally just snapped I guess. I was tired of him getting away with everything. No matter. It’s not something I can take back… Not so sure that I would anyway.

Less than two weeks till Christmas and I’ve not bought a single gift yet. Of course, my family isn’t really helping. Mom’s not told me anything she wants, and my dad and sister have just said, “Git cards.” I hate giving gift cards. It seems so impersonal. But I guess that’s what they’ll get since they don’t want to help me out any other way. :\

I'm *almost* ready for my close-up.

In an attempt to figure out what’s going on in Brad’s mind – a feat no female should ever undertake, with any guy – I ended up destroying what little friendship I had left with him. But honestly, I don’t think I’m too torn up about it. The way he reacted is reason enough to be glad that we never got more serious than we did.

I texted him last night asking if he was trying his luck at work on purpose or if something else was distracting him – that’s a valid question right? I know I’m a bit biased here, but speaking as a curious and concerned friend, I feel like that question is acceptable. Apparently it wasn’t. Brad started to get defensive, said he wasn’t mad but amused that I was nosing into his business and that I was passing judgment. He also had the nerve to say he doesn’t call me on all the crap I do at work. I told him that was because there was nothing to call me out on. He only had one example, which was that I “email all day long,” to which I replied that he does the same thing – and who doesn’t, really? It’s not like I let it get in the way of my work… And he didn’t seem to have a problem with it when we were emailing each other – or when he’s emailing his ex all day. Then he started bringing up how he had no idea why he ever cared bout me or a relationship and told me to f*** off.

I think that definitely puts an end to any questions I had bout whether or not we’d end up together. But I’m okay with that. I was ready to move on anyway, and if he turns his back on me over something this trivial, could I really trust that he wouldn’t do the same if we were together? I’m just curious to see how work will be now, since I obviously will be getting the cold shoulder from not only Brad but his mommy and sister and all the other allies. But… Do I really care? No. I’ve managed to survive seven months with most of my coworkers not being my best friends, so why should now be any different? I won’t be there much longer anyway. [And according to Brad, he won't be there much longer either - the reason he left early yesterday was to meet with the recruiter and will supposedly be enlisted by next week. Would it be heartless to say "One can only hope"? Don't get me wrong, I don't want him to get deployed and, God forbid, injured or worse... But I will be happy to see him go. Not only because of how things went down but because I think the military will do him a lot of good. Hopefully he'll learn the meaning of responsibility and better work ethics.] The whole situation makes me upset, but I don’t need someone who handles things in such an immature way. So I’m back to square one, as I usually am, but this time feels different. I’m not as distraught to be back there. I’m actually kinda glad.

Enough about Brad. I’m through with that subject and will try my best to avoid it in the future. My mom and I got our Christmas tree today. Yes, we still get fresh trees. It’s all I’ve ever known. I can’t imagine Christmas any other way. I love the smell, the feel, the look. I’m finally beginning to feel the Christmas spirit. We got new ornaments for it too – solid colours, some shiny, some matte. I like it. I only wish we had white lights instead of multi-colour. But it still makes me smile, so I won’t complain. I’ll be going to see A Christmas Carol with one of my friends tonight. In 3D. Woo! I’m excited. And… I think I’m gonna get some free cupcakes. Starting over never felt so good!

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas