And my brother’s back at home
With his Bagels and his Scones
We never got it off on the Cornbread stuff
What a drag, too many crumbs

               David Breadbowl
               - All the Yeast Dudes

Boulanger Records announces Rockin’ Rolls: A Collection of Classic Rock Bread Hits. This two-disc set promises to be the best thing since sliced bread.*

Disc 1 -

Creedence Crumpet Revival – Fortunate Scone
Rusk – Frybread by Night
Fleetwood Matzo – Dough Your Own Way
Iggy Poptarts – Crust for Life
The Doughs – Challah, I Love You
Deep Pumpernickel – Toast on the Water
Croissant, Stills, Lavash & Young – Teach your Ciabatta
The Bagels – You’ve Got to Hide Your Loaf Away
Steve Muffin Band – Take the Honey Bun
Pink Flatbread – Dark Side of the Croissant
Croutons Trio – Where has all the Flour Gone?

Disc 2 -

Pita Frampton – Baby I love Your Grain
Blood Sweat & Tortillas – You Bake Me So Very Happy
Blue Oyster Crackers – (Don’t Fear) the Sourdough
Nick Cave and the Bad Seedbuns – Into My Oven
Americrust – I Knead You
Lof Zeppelin – Stairway to Leaven
Grateful Bread – Uncle John’s Baguette
Rye Toast Speedwagon – Kaiser Roll with the Changes
Chapati Smith Band – Biscuit the Night
Challah and Oatbread – Naaneater
The Rolling Scones – Sympathy for the Bagel

—-
*I wonder if I need to start having warning labels on my posts: This post contains extremely high levels of puns, wordplay and other silliness. Proceed at your own risk.

It is always easier to dwell on what you would like to have more of or what you don’t have that you wish you did have!  But, it is so much more satisfying to focus on what you DO have and be thankful for those things that make your life comfortable and happy.  This time of year – the holiday season – usually brings out these types of thoughts and reflection.  I try to find things to be thankful for all year-round – I’m usually a “glass half full” type of person who tries to find the good in just about everything.  One of my favorite sayings is “everything happens for a reason”.  But, there are times when that outlook is extremely difficult to maintain.  It is those times that it is even more important to focus on what you can be thankful for in your life!

So — in giving with the season — here are the things I am most thankful for:

• I am thankful for my family.  If you know me even remotely, you know that I am close to my family.  I am thankful that I still have my Mom – even though she’s 800+ miles away, we are able to talk via phone or computer every day and we can visit several times a year.  I’m thankful that I can travel to her at least a couple times a year and I’m thankful that she is still able to travel to me at least once a year.  I am also thankful for a brother I have always been close to.
• I am thankful for my friends.  I’ve been blessed with many close friends over the years – some I am still close to, some are fairly new friends, some I’ve recently reconnected with, and some I’ve lost touch with.  But all have enriched my life and contributed heavily to my memories.  I feel lucky to have so many friends I know I can count on, if necessary, and that know they can count on me!
• I am thankful for my three dogs.  I can’t imagine my life without at least one dog in it!  I have always had dogs who have brought absolute joy to my life.  The three I am blessed with now are no exception.  They are loving companions and make me smile and laugh every single day.  I adore them and am so lucky that they found me and are filling my heart with love!
• I am thankful for my job.  With so many people unemployed and struggling, I am reminded every day how lucky I am to have a job.  It may be stressful and trying, at times, but it sure beats the alternative and I definitely don’t take it for granted!  I don’t understand those who constantly complain about their jobs when there are long lines of people who would gladly take whatever is dished out to them just to have a paycheck to provide for their families!
• I am thankful for my health.  Yes, I do have some health problems, but nothing I can’t live with and keep under control.  I am blessed with the ability to live a normal life and get around and do just about anything I want to do.  I am reminded that health and life is so precious because of a family friend who is seriously ill.  A little over a month or so ago, he was healthy and active.  Then, he had some stomach pain and they diagnosed him with liver cancer.  In a few short weeks, he went from an active, vibrant man to a meer skeleton going in and out of awareness and ability to make any sense.  He has been given 3 months or less.  We went to visit him in the hospital the day before Thanksgiving and it was heart wrenching!  Be thankful for whatever level of health you are in — it can change in an instant!
• I am thankful for laughter!  I love to laugh and to hear laughter!  Life is tough lately and people don’t tend to laugh enough!  Laughter is healthy and makes you feel so good!  There is an old saying – Laughter is the best medicine!  From little chuckles to hard belly laughs that bring tears to my eyes and make it hard to breathe — laughter is something I strive for every single day to some degree!
• I’m thankful for my home.  It isn’t a mansion and isn’t huge, but it’s mine and I’ve been able to make it a comfortable refection of me and what makes me happy!  The only thing that would make it better is if my Mom would come live with me so we can be together all the time!

So — yeah, there are a lot of things I’d love to have, but don’t and lots of things that I wish I had more of.  But dwelling on them is depressing and unhealthy!  I have a TON more to be thankful for – much more than I’ve listed here!  Life is good!  I choose to be happy and make the most out of what I do have!

What are YOU thankful for?

I just went to go see “The Blind Side“. It was really good, I recommend it. I’m probably not the best person to ask for/depend on for movie recommendations… I watch a lot of movies (a lot of movies), but I like 90% of them. The ones I don’t like are either stupid or boring and the stupid ones I find entertaining so I still recommend them. BUT, I do have favorites:
1. Across The Universe
2. Moulin Rouge
3. Erin Brockovich
4. Pretty Woman
5. Juno
6. Breakfast At Tiffany’s
7. Dirty Dancing
8. Serenity
9. Star Wars (all of them)
10. The Breakfast Club
11. Once
12. Corpse Bride
13. Lord of The Rings (all of them)
14. Back to the Future (just the first one)
15. X-Men (all of them)
16. V For Vendetta
17. RENT

So yeah. Is it weird that I like movies about hookers who fall in love? *Shrugs* I don’t know. I like movies a lot. I just like everything about the whole concept and stuff. I also have a thing for old(er) movies… I like the 80’s. Everything about movies then… they were either way overdone or way underdone and it’s fantastic. I also love love love love Audrey Hepburn. I’m not sure why I love her so much… I just think she’s so cool. Anyway. It’s dinner time and stuff, so I’m going to go eat some left over turkey.

Entertainment Weekly, you never cease to entertain me.  I love the way you inform me all the pop culture news I ever needed to know.  But my favorite thing about you, EW, is your photo galleries that contain endless lists.  Oh, how you satisfy my list craving.

The latest of the lists has to do with favorite seasons of some classic tv over the last few decades.  They put their list in no particular order – I won’t list every show here, so check out the full list here.

• The Simpsons, season 4 (1992-93) – home to great episodes like Homer the Heretic, Marge and the Monorail and Mr. Plow, it’s no secret that season 4 was a great season.  Because who can’t sing the Mr. Plow song every time they see a plow?
• Alias, season 1 (2001-2002) – I really like when a show’s first season is a favorite.  Mostly because it’s a testament to the writers, show producers and actors that they had something good right off the bat.  But, on the other hand, when the first season is the best, it makes me wonder what went wrong later on.
• Lost, season 1 (2004-2005) – The only season of Lost I could tolerate.  Unfortunately, it was never a show I could really get into.  But, with that said, season 1 was still excellent.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 2 (1997-1998) – A really amazing season, although not my favorite.  During the second season, everyone just locked step, and the Scoobies were never out of character again.  When I reintroduced myself to Buffy, it was the second season that really pulled me through.
• The Sopranos, season 4 (2002) – I just love the Sopranos, from beginning to end.  But what I love even more was the show’s ability to go from being really dark to being really REALLY dark and complicated.  Season 4, in my opinion, is the darkest of all, but no less amazing than the others.
• Sex and the City, season 3 (2000) – Carrie’s infidelity, Miranda’s breakup with Steve, Charlotte’s wedding to Trey, and Samantha and the guy with the “funky spunk.”  Classic.
• Veronica Mars, season 1 (2004-2005) – The beginning of an amazing story about a young, girl detective with a penchant for lost causes and spying.  The first season of Veronica Mars has always been my favorite, as it was the introduction into the life of a teenaged super sleuth.

There’s quite a few more TV shows with great seasons on the EW’s list.  I definitely recommend checking them out, and voicing which seasons of your favorite shows are your favorites.

Way back at the dawn of November, I threatened to pull this post out when I had nothing. And I got nothin’. So, here are things I like.

The Smart Car

Hopcott Meats

Pets

Knitting

Jim

Online banking *

Bacon

Booze

Islands

Water in general

*holy, how did we ever live without it?

1. The Jimi Hendrix Experience – Voodoo Child (Slight Return)

2. Guns N’ Roses – Sweet Child O’ Mine

3. Led Zeppelin – Whole Lotta Love

4. Deep Purple – Smoke On The Water

5. Derek and the Dominos – Layla

6. AC/DC - Back In Black

7. Metallica – Enter Sandman

8. The Beatles – Day Tripper

9. Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit

10. The Rolling Stones – (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

11. Black Sabbath – Paranoid

12. Muse – Plug In Baby

13. Eddie Van Halen – Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love

14. The Kinks - You Really Got Me

15. The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army

16. AC/DC – Highway to Hell

17. Led Zeppelin – Heartbreaker

18. Black Sabbath - Iron Man

19. Led Zeppelin – Black Dog

20. Michael Jackson – Beat It

Source

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If you think your small business could benefit from an effective email marketing campaign, check out a few of the vendors above.  The perfect email marketing campaign educates, entertains, and sells to the reader.  Be sure to connect with your audience on a personal level and be consistent in your marketing efforts.

I recently had some free time in my Empirical Methods of Communication class (the professor was talking or something) so I decided to text a bunch of people to see who, in their opinion, the most badass people or characters were. I asked this with the intention of looking for icons to pattern my own behavior after – weight loss books and websites are a dime a dozen, but how many Being a Badass handbooks are there? Not many, and I’ll wager that those that do exist are in some way affiliated with Spike TV (which kind of precludes them from consideration). Hence this post, where we try and break it down.

Here are the responses I got (in no particular order): Clint Eastwood, Indiana Jones’ dad, Vincent (Collateral), James Bond, Samuel L. Jackson, Liam Neeson, Batman, Wolverine, Denzel Washington, Raze (from Underworld), Morpheus, Matt Puppo (I’ll let you guess who suggested that), and Richard (from the Sword of Truth series). Rather than get bogged down in a list of which of these people is more badass (which would take hours, not have a resolution and be an exercise in endless counter points like the fact Wolverine is only kind of badass because his powers enable him to act as recklessly as Batman with no consequences, or that Liam Neeson was decidedly not badass in Love Actually, and that’s not the point of this post). In no particular order I will observe commonalities which I will then try to apply to my own life.

Restroom usage. I cannot recall ever seeing, reading, or hearing about a time when any of these people used the bathroom. The only time I recall them even being in the vicinity of a toilet, it was to cap some Soviets (Bond in GoldenEye) or start a fight (Morpheus). So I guess I need to stop going potty and only go in there if I need to beat the shit out of someone (pun intended).

Be black. When I talked to people, there were not only several African-American actors named, but their being black was listed as part of the reason (and might actually be like 50 percent of the reason Raze made this list). Deep booming voices, I guess, are extremely badass and the black actors listed here have perfected their “don’t mess with me” looks far more than any other actors I can think of. Obviously not everyone on this list fulfills this, so it’s hardly a requirement, but it seems like it can only help your case. On the other hand, white people trying to act black is painful for everyone (Vanilla Ice), so I guess this isn’t that helpful an observation.

SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker, say 'what?' one more god damn time!

Be popular with the ladies, the more the better. I feel like James Bond has this on lockdown. Richard has something like four wives over the course of Sword of Truth. Bruce Wayne/Batman is constantly fending off the attentions of like, every female villain he encounters (including some heiresses) and while some people seem to think this is because of ahem, his relationship with Robin, I’m pretty sure he just doesn’t want to get got, as it were, when he least expects it. Plus, given what her kisses do, would you want to get anywhere close to Poison Ivy’s junk? Indiana Jones’ dad totally had his mojo working on that hot Nazi (kind of a give/take statement, but still). The point is, badass people can generally be described as “big pimpin’.”

Be prepared to sacrifice your body to accomplish your goal (which is probably pulverizing someone/everyone). Batman knows what I’m talking about. Same with Vincent, Denzel Washington, etc. You are way more badass if you do not care what happens to you. It also helps if your body can withstand vast amounts of physical punishment (but it needs to be without the foreknowledge that you will almost certainly be okay, Wolverine). This category is probably the least fun and hardest to act out in real life unless you’re a complete asshole, which sort of goes against being a badass. It also helps if you can offer up a witty line during or after, like Batman or James T. Kirk (who, in retrospect, is an excellent addition to the list). So if you don’t go around beating people up or preventing explosions (more on this soon), try grimacing and offering up a pithy comment the next time you do something stupid and end up injuring yourself. Ideally you’ll come across as badass.

Be near exploding things. Something I think all these people have in common is their constant proximity to things that blow the fuck up. This seems to work out okay for them, why wouldn’t it work out for me? They dodge the worst of the consequences most of the time (usually by jumping face first into the ground while whatever it is splodes), why can’t I? Maybe I will move to a third world country riddled with land mines and just dive everywhere. Seriously. How many explosions do you think the average person is around in a lifetime? What is that statistic compared to what these guys face? Ridiculous. Speaking of guys…

On second thought, maybe it's better to calmly walk away from an explosion

Be a guy. I didn’t realize til just now that there aren’t any ladies on this list. I don’t think that means there aren’t any female badasses, I just think that when people answer who they think is most badass, none of the top candidates are women. I don’t have a lot of experience with Tomb Raider, could Lara Croft make the list? I can’t think of anyone else I would put in the top tier of badass. Hence, try to be like a guy, I guess? I’m sure I’ve offended some feminist by accident here.

…

[Grimace] More like… feminwimp.

No, I’m kidding.

Okay I think that’s a lot to work on in the next week. I’m more than open to additional observations on commonalities among badasses (having a team of writers for your life seems like it would help a lot, now that I think about it).

Even the best comedies resort to standard gags and set-ups. Like this week’s normally awesome Modern Family where Phil (the doofus father) reveals he’s terrified of clowns. Maybe that was funny a few sitcoms ago but stale now. Outside of comedies how many adults really feel that fear ?

Another overused bit is to date someone with Tourette’s Syndrome and they start cursing uncontrollably. Old before Deuce Bigalow and writers are still using it!

What else?

Nobody Loves Me & Neither Do I (Them Crooked Vultures)
Rusty Cage (Soundgarden)
Ordinary Pain (Stevie Wonder)
You & Whose Army? (Radiohead)
I Would Hurt A Fly (Built To Spill)
The Woman In You (Ben Harper)
In Our Gun (Gomez)
Sir Psycho Sexy (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Don’t Follow (Alice in Chains)
Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow (Frank Zappa)
Goliath (The Mars Volta)
Same In The End (Sublime)
Black Magic Woman (Santana)
Take A Bow (Muse)

I was going to put these on the last post, but I forgot.

Letters to Santa

Mom

This year I have already received many fun things. I don’t really have many things that I want, but for fun I’ll ask for:

• a calligraphy set (Barnes and Noble online) or (a set from Michaels with a book)
• nice stationary set (Barnes and Noble online)
• new journal (Barnes and Noble online)

I have more items listed on Amazon.com. There are a lot of items in the home list.

Thank you for all your hard work.

Love,

Mommy Haddad

(Rochelle)

Dad

Dear Santa,

Thanks, but no thanks. This year I already have everything I could want.

However, I do love surprises, so if you do bring me a little something, I won’t argue.

With Love,

Brian (Dad)

Micah

Dear Santa Clus,

I would like Goose bumps movies and videyo games and my last thing is a big set of Legos. Have fun eating cookies!

Love, Micah

From Cell Phone Photos

Sophie

Dear Santa:

Nine. Ten, ten, nine. Nine. Gum. Banana, gum, gum.

Love,

Sophie

From Cell Phone Photos

Until Later

Look forward to more holiday posts (we should have one about our Christmas tree soon, once we get it up), watch our photo albums, and don’t forget you can get automatic e-mail notification of new posts using the widget in the upper-right-hand corner. We love you.

I owe my abiding love for B-movies to Dabba.

The official name was Sri Ganesh Talkies ad it was located a couple of kilometres from the campus gate at BITS, Pilani. It had four walls, a makeshift ceiling, and the projectionist’s dhoti for a screen. I’m guessing he diligently washed it every February 29th. Front bench (and I really mean bench) seats cost 3 bucks, back bench seats cost 4 bucks and luxury seating in the back row cost 5 bucks. When they increased ticket prices across the board by one buck, we even bargained with the guy at the counter for a few weeks and got a discount. The front row seats were convenient — you could stretch your legs out on the bench. (The fact that there were rats scurrying around might have had something to do with it as well.) They changed the movie every 3-4 days  — not enough film-goers around to run a movie for a whole week.

Much of what made its way to Dabba came direct from Ooty, where Prabhuji Mithun Chakraborty ran a film factory that produced movies as often as Ram Gopal Varma  (but with less variance in quality or box office appeal). The immutable physical laws that govern the universe state that Prabhuji must have either a sister (who usually gets raped/killed) or a brother (who gets killed, leaving him to look after said brother’s girlfriend/fiancee/wife who may also have gotten raped in the process). It seemed to us that there was a virtual glut of interchangeable, well-endowed starlets vying for this role, because I don’t remember seeing the same actress playing his sister twice.

Mithun didn’t have a monopoly on this industry either: a movie called Rakhwaale (not to be confused with the Anil Kapoor starrer, Rakhwaala) remains seared into my neurons for all time. Sure, it had a preposterous plot and a no-name hero who delivered the Great Sequoia of wooden performances. What really made it special was that, every once in a while, there would be a shot of Mukesh Khanna in a tan overcoat and matching fedora watching the action from a discreet spot and then glowering significantly at the camera. Right at the end, it is revealed that he is a CBI officer or some such thing. Absoslutely sublime, I tell you.

But here’s the thing: I do not remember disliking any of these movies. They were honest, sincere efforts at making a B-movie and we received them in that spirit. Nobody went into Dabba expecting Citizen Kane. Nobody came out disappointed.

It was when I went to watch some big name star/director make an ass of himself that I came away disappointed. Mithun delivered exactly what he promised. But Aamir Khan in Mann — that was another matter entirely. These were the real cinematic turkeys, the ones I plan to roast in this post. This is a short, non-exhaustive list of some of the worst such offenders that I have come across. These don’t fall in the category of Locomotive 38 movies — they’re just plain crappy, period.

Aside: You’re probably wondering whether I really needed to take this long to get to the point of this post. I like to digress, okay? If you ever hear me say Abhivaadaye, you might notice the name Polonius slipped in between Bhargava and Jamadagni.

1. Mann: Indra Kumar’s remake of An Affair to Remember, starring Aamir Khan and Manisha Koirala. The first half, set aboard a cruise ship, involves ninety minutes of such abominable filmmaking that it ought to have been banned by the Geneva Convention. A few scenes from that nightmare :  as soon as Manisha boards the ship, she collides with…  no, not the hero, as usually happens, but a desi version of Mike Myers in all his shagadelic glory.  (Funny as the original?  Not so much.)  One character on the ship who keeps laughing like a hyena being sodomized by a cattle prod inside a room filled with nitrous oxide.  Imagine hearing it at the end of one scene, and just to make sure that you stay on the wall you’ve been driven up, a continuation of that in the beginning of the next scene. On top of which, Aamir and Manisha act like a Lifetime Achievement Razzie is up for grabs on the strength of this one performance. I have never prayed harder for icebergs.

2. Jhoom Barabar Jhoom: You get Abhishek Bachchan, Priety Zinta and Amitabh to act in the same movie and what do you do? Put them in something that looks like a musical, sounds like a musical and wants to be a musical but ends up being a pile of guano gone bad. Dress Amitabh up like he had an unfortunate incident involving a peacock and a quantum teleportation device. Painful to the point where regular readers of this blog, such as there are, will immediately understand what I mean when I call a movie a JBJ experience. (Full review here.)

3. Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag: Apparently, the Large Hadron Collider has been working fine for a few years now. RGV tried to produce antimatter by running Sholay from two separate projectors and smashing those beams together. The result so unnerved the scientists at CERN that they shut it down and made up a story about eddies in the spacetime continuum and somebody stealing magnets for their fridge.

4. Baba: I don’t mind the fact that Rajni wanted to showcase his spiritual side in this movie. Nor the fact that he and Manish Koirala looked like the Hobo and the Hippo (some people look good with a quadruple chin, but she isn’t one of them). What I do mind is the fact that Rajni thought he could mix up little bits from the Amman movie genre (the bits involving magicians with diabolical plans and much sinister laughter) with standard Rajni movie staples, add some mystical stuff about immortal ascetics in the Himalayas and get away with it. And a whole raft of actors and a director like Suresh Krishna (who, as it happens, directed Baasha) went along with him. Couldn’t somebody — anybody, really — have whacked him upside the head with something hard, blunt and radioactive? Was the money that good?

5. Anjali: Of the lot, this is the most disappointing. Its child stars won special National awards for their performances. It has a few really good moments and a beautiful story about prejudice and acceptance in various forms. But to get to all of that, you have to get past a bunch of loud performances, annoyingly precocious kids and and scenes set in an apartment that Howard Roark would’ve blown up on general principle. And to top it all off, the most annoying death scene in the history of cinema. If that little girl had screamed “Ezhundiru Anjali, ezhundiru” one more time, Mani Rathnam could’ve made Anjali 2: Night of the Living Dead as his follow-up feature.

Dedication: I don’t know if there is such a thing as dedicating blog posts, but I would like to dedicate this one to two of my friends, Renugopal and Tarun, with whom I have watched more crappy movies than anyone in their right mind ever would.

Things that make me feel thankful:

1. Taylor Lautner.

2. Pretty girls and handsome boys.

3. That charming little wink that makes you blush down to your toes.

4. Any kind of exotic tropical fruit.

5. The smell of freshly cut grass.

6. My heartbeat.

7. The warm feeling you get when arms wrap around your chest.

8. Snuggling at noon.

9. Cute, furry animals.

10. Pink grapefruit scented hand soap.

So, the holiday is over. The bird is safely stowed in the fridge. The kitchen counters are free of mess (for self cleaned them around midnight, immediately after watching Wes Craven’s craven Last House on the Left).

Here are some Thanksgiving resolutions self made yesterday:

• She’s going to return to the parking lot of Draeger’s in Menlo Park, and if that man collecting money for wounded veterans of Iraq is still there (Self saw not a single person give him a donation: for shame, Menlo Park matrons!), she’ll give him something.
• She has to figure out what to make of the left-over turkey — perhaps turkey soup? Or use it in pasta?
• Make fried rice. Self doesn’t know why, but fried rice sounds so good in the morning. Especially the morning after Thanksgiving.
• And, since self is somewhat tired this morning, she decides that if she really isn’t up to the post-dinner kitchen clean-up tonight, she will not feel guilty if she has to order out for pizza.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

Bernie Williams | Clinches AL EAST | Yankees vs. Twins | 9/30/2004

Bernie connects with the AL East clinching home run.

With 3 games remaining in the regular season the Yankees and Twins were locked in a 4-4 tie in the bottom of the 9th inning. Juan Rincon struck out Gary Sheffield to start the inning. Aaron Fultz then replaced Rincon and walked Matsui on six pitches. That brought up Bernie Williams, and though his numbers had begun to slip in recent years, he was still a threat at the plate. On a 1-0 count Bernie sent a blast to deep left field giving the Yankees their 100th victory of the season as well as clinching the American League East for the 7th straight time and the 8th time in 9 years. “This time of year seems to bring out the best in him,” said his Joe Torre.

Jeter and Torre celebrate after Bernie's heroics.

Last Man Standing

Possibly the most astounding thing about Last Man Standing is that it initially aired on BBC3, a channel mostly known for endless repeats of the terrible Two Pints of Lager, and bluntly titled, badly made documentaries like My Dad’s Got Nob-Rot or My Shitty Arse Stinks of Shit. The idea that they could produce something that could crack any best of list is pretty wild. Rest easy then, that the amazing Last Man Standing (Last One Standing in the US) was a BBC co-production with the Discovery channel.

Last Man Standing’s strength lay in its casting. Atypically for a reality show, there were no fame-hungry wannabes using it as an audition-piece for becoming either a host on a late night quiz channel or a footballer’s girlfriend, and who would happily glug back a cocktail of stale poison and puréed urinal cakes if it’d increase their chances of scrambling open-legged out of a taxi and into China Whites, to spend the night rubbing up against a priapic Dean Gaffney. Conversely, like those heist movies that begin by recruiting each member of the crew for their specific skillset, the selection of contestants was a perfectly picked balance of sporting archetypes; body-building strongman, beach bum surf-hippy, Zen fitness guru, dance instructor, posho Oxbridge rower, ultra-competitive “if you’re not first, you’re last” boxer, extreme sports ramp-jumper, firey soccer player, and on and on.

These men (for they were more manly than you or I shall ever be) were sent to far-flung, little-seen locations to live and train with tribal families, for their participation in all manner of frankly terrifying traditional tribal sporting competitions. The modern British travel documentary is a show that has all the invention of randomly picking two pieces of paper out of a hat, one with the name of a “British institution” style celebrity, the other a place most people probably haven’t been. Last Man Standing’s travelogue aspect was so much more than Paul Merton wryly smiling at a Chinaman’s eccentric ways, and as they showed the stranger (to us) aspects of tribal life, they did so without a big song and dance or sarcastic look to camera. Sure, goats were slaughtered and testicles were eaten, but nobody was under any threat of being voted off it they didn’t, it was just part and parcel of daily life, and treated as such.

The sports themselves varied from physical grappling type events to endurance races either on foot or in canoes, more cerebral sports like archery, and a fighting game consisting of beating each other over the head with big sticks. The athletes on the show were almost always the first foreigners the indigenous people had ever seen, let alone entrusted to participate in events that often had great significance. One such contest represented the yearly blow-off of tension between two tribes that had been warring for centuries, giving added pressure that trumps all but the most aggressive of sport’s day fathers threateningly nodding towards a concealed broom-handle at the start of the sack race.

As with the casting, Last Man Standing never cheapened itself by reaching into the big bag of reality TV editing tricks. There was no engineering of drama through messing with the rules or by sneaky editing, and no focus on antagonistic tension between the athletes, other than the natural clashes you get from putting a bunch of dudes into a highly competitive environment. Besides, there was no need for it. The sheer human drama of competition was enough have you constantly out of your seat, encompassing all possible types of sporting narrative along the way; underdog wins, seemingly unstoppable dominations, gritty battles against pain and the elements, meltdowns, injuries, disasters, comebacks – fuck Rocky, week after week, Last Man Standing brought us the greatest sporting story ever told.

It was also impossible to watch without having a favoured contestant or three. Stand-out athletes include the mighty Wolé, for whom anything less than a victory was a near-Seppuku level disgrace, plummy-voiced toff-lads Richard (S1) and Ed (S2), who were so British, they must have looked to America audiences like anthropomorphic cups of tea, and the coolest motherfucker ever, Rajko, who’s basically a Jedi in all but the cape. In Rajko you have a man who cleaved through his foot with an axe, and then dragged himself one-legged into battle to win his tribe’s Trobriand Cricket match, becoming a village folk-legend and having babies named after him in the process. (On the advice of a comment that was posted, I should point out that this isn’t a metaphor, it’s literally what happened)

Rajko, coolest man alive

For someone who still has nightmares about being back in PE lessons, it made me want to trek across the Andes and wrestle a scary looking Nepalese warrior in a special nappy. It’s a show that made me think “I’d love to do that,” and I would, if not for my complete and total fear of everything. The sports looked amazing, the vistas stunning, and the communities so warm and welcoming, in spite of the unimaginably vast gulf of cultural differences with the men they took into their homes as if they were their own, offering up food and beds – literally in one case, with the tribal Dad who slept outside for the week. Such priceless experiences are unlike anything you could ever know in a world where Facebook status updates hold any importance. Without question these would be moments that would change your life and outlook on the world forever (as is the case with season one’s Corey Rennell), but when it comes down to it…I could never poo in a wide open salt-flat. Couldn’t do it.

Other than being broke, the thing that keeps me from travelling is the idea of having to use some horrible foreign toilet that’s up on a ledge, or just a hole in the ground in the middle of the town square with everyone looking like it ain’t no thang. “Don’t be such a baby, just use the communal bowl!” “Nothing’s coming out!” I don’t even like people, but it made me yearn for such a collection of life-long bros, and any show that can make an Xbox hugging cubicle-pisser like me dream of embracing the great unknown has to be doing its job. The closest I’ve come to such a humbling journey of bonding and hardship is playing three straight games of Capture the Flag on Modern Warfare 2 with the same random group of people. Not that our mics were turned on. Although one of them did call me “a gay black faggot,” which may count as brotherly bonding.

Tragically for Brits like me, I’ve now got another reason to curse my terrible luck in being born on the wrong side of the Atlantic – the first being the existence of Robbie Williams – as US audiences got a whole four extra episodes in the first season. It’s also a tragedy that the show only lasted for two seasons, and although the last episode ended with a call for female applicants for a related follow-up, nothing has surfaced.

Last Man Standing was not just an unintentional rallying cry of “you can do better” to reality TV, but to television as a whole.

-A high school chic (calm down, Head) got onto the train at 8:30 AM and began blasting her iPod. I mean- top of the highest volume setting. Listening to Chris Brown’s latest song. Who can tolerate such loud music- she might as well have brought her boombox. Moments later she put the same song to replay. Clearly amused by simpler things in life.

-Had to walk to work from a few stops before my own due to a sick passenger. You never know how long it takes to remove a person from a train that’s already parked at a station. Surely it takes more than 5 minutes to physically remove a person from a train whose doors are already opened. And if they’re unconcious, well, more than 7 minute to roll them off the train? Surely.

-I am forced to take the bus to the train today as I must go into work while Fifi gets to stay in. I usually take the car but today Fifi will need it. And on black Friday, New York is a ghost town. Except at your local Best Buy in a ghetto area- good luck to those workers handling the ghetto rush.

I hate taking the bus when the roads are this clear. The bus tends to drive fast and hit every bump- even ones while parked. Thank goodness I opted to not bring my morning coffee with me.

Here are my top five inspirations for daily outfits:

(5) Emma Watson*

(4) Victoria Beckham

(3) Sarah Jessica Parker

(2) Jackie O

(1) Audrey Hepburn

I wonder what this says about me?

*Please don’t judge the fact that my number (5) pick is years younger than me. She’s so fab that every time I see her it convinces me that she has been genetically gifted with a magical bit of DNA which naturally predisposes her to be able meticulously chose an outfit that makes her so fierce it make me want to pass out. Is that dramatic? I just really like her.

Just some stuff that came out during the last decade that I decided I liked. There are some definite shockers in there but hey.. I don’t really rate my musical expertise very high… I’m just hoping you will. Sweet.

Rules were
- No reissues
- No live albums
- No greatest hits compilations
- Each artist can only appear once

50. Strange Boys – And Girls Club
49. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – B.R.M.C.
48. Camera Obscura – My Maudlin Career
47. HEALTH – Get Colour
46. Eagles Of Death Metal – Peace Love Death Metal
45. Scott Walker – The Drift
44. St. Vincent – Actor
43. TV On The Radio – Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes
42. Lovvers – OCD Go Go Go Girls
41. The Clientele – Strange Geometry
40. The National – Boxer
39. Death From Above 1979 – You’re A Woman, I’m A Machine
38. Deerhoof – Friend Opportunity
37. The Mountain Goats – Sunset Tree
36. Lightning Bolt – Wonderful Rainbow
35. Of Montreal – Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?
34. Broken Social Scene – You Forgot It In People
33. Reduction Agents – Dance Reduction Agents
32. Daft Punk – Discovery
31. Fiery Furnaces – Blueberry Boat
30. The White Stripes – Elephant
29. Mos Def – The Ecstatic
28. Yann Tiersen – Tabarly
27. Shugo Tokumaru – Exit
26. The Ruby Suns – Sea Lion
25. Elliott Smith – Figure 8
24. Kanye West – 808s & Heartbreak
23. Girls – Girls
22. Beach House – Devotion
21. David Kilgour/Sam Hunt – Falling Debris
20. The Strokes – Is This It
19. No Age – Nouns
18. Belle & Sebastian – The Life Pursuit
17. Jim O’ Rourke – Insignificance
16. Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots
15. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
14. Radiohead – In Rainbows
13. Tricky – Knowle West Boy
12. Brian Jonestown Massacre – Bravery Repetition And Noise
11. Iron & Wine/Calexico – In The Reins
10. Modest Mouse – Good News For People Who Love Bad News
9. Mogwai – Come On Die Young
8. Times New Viking – Born Again Revisited
7. Yo La Tengo – I’m Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass
6. Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
5. Mint Chicks – Screens
4. Deerhunter – Microcastle/Weird Era Cont
3. Beck – Modern Guilt
2. Animal Collective – Feels
1. Tom Waits – Alice