Well, the storm has hit and it is crappy outside.  I’m not happy about it but this is what happens when we live in the Arctic states rather than the equator ones.  I’m suppose to get out in about an hour to meet someone for some artwork, then go pick up my son to run him around some before dropping him off at his girlfriends house.

I’m also suppose to pick my furlough days from work – have to take five.  Not sure if I should take them all at once or over a two month period.  The latter would be best for dispatch since our coworker is still out sick and will be for quite some time.  Arg.  I am not complaining about having to take them – there are a lot of people out of work so if I’m required to take five days without pay, so be it.  My problem is figuring out when to schedule them so there is the least amount of impact on work.

Yesterday my cousin told me my last remaining Uncle has only a few months to live.  It is sad to find out something like that – my heart goes out to them.  It puts life into perspective, doesn’t it?

I was thinking about this and myself.  I’ve never been one to accumulate money.  If I see it sitting in the bank I wonder what good things I could do with it rather than letting it sit there.  I know it would drive most people insane not to have a nest egg but it doesn’t bother me.  To me, life is short.  We are here today and gone tomorrow – really just mere seconds if you figure the time between when the Earth was born until its eventual death.  So I am going to pursue every avenue of pleasure, happiness, love, caring, giving, that is available to me during my few seconds. 

Some people save up an empire for their children – I say that is what life insurance is for.  My son will be comfortable when I die at the rate of insurance I have on myself right now.  I don’t want to go to the great thereafter without having experienced life to its fullest.  I have a “bucket list” of things I want to accomplish before I become no more. 

My Uncle can say he has lived a good life.  He has done many things and raised five wonderful children.  He has a loving wife who has loved him for 53 years I think is where they are up to now.  He made an honest living during his working days.  His integrity, ethics, and wisdom has inspired many.  I hope whatever time he has remaining on Earth is spent enjoying the fruits of his labors.

Music is an extension of who we are as people. If you want to get a picture of what someone is about, you can browse their music collection. It serves as the soundtrack of their lives and much of their experiences can be tied to a particular song, group or musical event.

For me, music is all about saying what my heart is screaming but I can’t find words to express. I have my own personal soundtrack of music that grounds me, inspires me, refocuses me and get’s me pumped up to the best me I can be. The soundtrack evolves as I evolve but it is always timely and always reflects where I am in life.  Today I have been bumping the heck out of a new joint off Mary J. Blige’s new album.

First, let me tell you that you need to pick up Stronger With Each Tear as soon as you can. Second, let me share with you the song that captured my heart today. The song is Each Tear and the lyrics are so powerful. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break! We are so hard on ourselves when we make mistakes or don’t measure up to our impossibly high expectations. At the end of the day, we have to realize that each struggle makes us stronger and each day we live we get closer to fulfilling our purpose.

There’s something that I want to say but I feel I don’t know how
And still I just can’t hold it one more day so I think I’ll let it out.
Understand you’re on my mind more than I may show
Understand you’re in my heart more than you may know
And the last thing that I want is for you to fall apart
Your future will get clearer I want you to remember

In each tear there’s a lesson
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
Each tear brings you closer to your dreams
And no mistake
No heartbreak
Can take away what you’re meant to be

We can’t change the things that we’ve done, that’s in the past
But fighting won’t get us any where
So if you want here’s my hand
Understand every night there’s one thing I do I bow my head and I pray for you
And the last thing that I want is for you to fall apart
Your future will get clearer I want you to

In each tear there’s a lesson
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
Each tear brings you closer to your dreams
And no mistake
No heartbreak
Can take away what you’re meant to be

You’re much more than the struggles that you go through
You’re not defined by your pain so let it go
You’re not a victim you’re more like a winner
And you’re not in defeat.
You’re more like a queen

I’m gaining an awareness that the relationship I have with Jesus is insufficient.

Recently, I engaged on Facebook with a complete stranger who believes there is a god, but denies Jesus as Lord.  Actually, this person said that he has written evidence that Jesus never even existed…that He was ‘made up’ in 324 a.d by the Greco Romans. He also went on to say how the Christian religion was filled with contradictions (the Bible).  He provided many links that I could use to do my own research, and while very friendly,  strongly encouraged me to do my own research.

I approached him from a complete loving heart that realized he had been decieved. I ended every exchange with, ‘I encourage you to ask Jesus to reveal Himself to you, to show you that He is real. If He does, then He will lead you into all truth.  If He does not, then please continue on your spiritual quest.’ Both times this man replied, ‘I cannot ask Jesus if He is real because He is not…he was made up…’ I realized I had reached the end of where I could go with this person. Having faith that I threw a seed that I had to throw, and that God can easily plow it under and water it.

At this point, the question was raised to me: What do I do when I come across someone who has a philosophy or a religion that they feel is more correct than mine, and has a ‘bible’ of their own to throw back at me? We both have an equal amount of disbelief in the other one’s evidence.

I must have the type of relationship with the Lord that is experiential, because for someone who is held strong to their ‘written evidence’ and philosophy, only experiencing the Lord through one of our senses (taste, touch, hear, see and smell) will bring the piercing truth needed to break the stronghold of lies.  You see, through our senses truth can be deposited in our hearts.  And, as people, God designed our hearts to go where I heads cannot.  I must have a pure relationship with my Lord, my Savior that I can steward to the world!  Ephesians 3:14-21

I’ve got Christmas songs in my head.  Mostly on repeat. I don’t love this but it is what it is.  I can’t ever sing enough of the 12 Days of Christmas to know how many maids are milking and how many drummers are drumming but what’s a girl supposed to do after a night flight across the Atlantic Ocean with minimal sleep? Oh and the real winner over the last two days is the refrain: I’ll be home for Christmas, just you wait and see.  I sing it to myself because I think in that song everything works out okay–but I am not sure because I don’t actually know anything but the refrain.  Who though would write a song about going home at Christmas for the last verse to reveal that the loved one never made it home?

Well, there have been a couple times in this trip that I was sure I wasn’t ever going to get close to Walla Walla.  There’ve been snow delays/weather whatevers and lots and lots of standing in lines.  But four airplane rides later, here I am sitting in the Seattle airport waiting for my last flight to Walla Walla.  Yep, I’ll have been on 5 in planes in 24 hours shortly–I think.  I mean, I am not sure if it’s really been 24 hours or if it’s more than this seeing as each time I get off an airplane I am find myself gaining time–an hour or two here or there and I have no idea what time it is.  In fact, I managed to eat breakfast now fewer than three times this morning.

So, now I feel like my head is spinning and I am looking forward to finding an Americano and settling down to wait for my final plane to Walla Wall.

Before I do this however I am going to submit you to a short list of the strange things I’ve observed, overheard or experienced in the last 24 hours.

• The book In Cold Blood by Truman Capote is not a travel/read in the airport/on an airplane kind of book.  People look at your book and then look at you with confusion. I should probably tape a note under the title that says: don’t worry I am not reading this for fun. It’s work. I have to teach to my Bulgarian 11th graders in February.  But I am not sure this would make the situation any better. Now I just try to read it with the cover in my lap so that people can’t see what I am reading.
• In Warsaw airport, an American man says to another man with a child: are you speaking Russian to her or Polish? (Really!? American man–think about it?!)
• When airplanes land successfully in Eastern Europe, Eastern Europeans clap. I find this totally disconcerting.  I actually expect that you will successfully land the plane. That’s what I am paying you for. I don’t think that I should have to clap that you actually did this.  I clap for soloists at the orchestra or theater performances but for landing an airplane? That’s not my thing. But it does make you take pause and think about the Eastern European psyche.
• To the American guy trying to teach a Polish woman about the “10 super foods,” she spent most of the conversation with a confused look on her face.  I think that she understood spinach, walnuts and blue berries but your explanation of barley stunk.  “Um… barley, you can go to the store and buy it.” So that’s it? That’s all your giving this poor woman listening to you go on and on about super-foods?! You can buy it in the grocery store?
• Then there was the mom and dad sitting next to me on the trans-Atlantic flight whose baby threw-up on herself at the end of the flight. Why didn’t you change her clothes. I don’t want to smell anyone’s vomit for the rest of the flight.  Granted you may be used to baby spit-up but this was more than just spit-up.  I am sorry that your two year old has never flown before but I think the polite thing is to change your baby’s clothes so the rest of us aren’t forced to smell the vomit.
• Oh, and at some point in here I over heard yet another American man telling a young man sitting next to him that he’s going to be marrying a Ukrainian girl.  A really nice girl that he met through friends of friends. I heard him saying this and it made my skin crawl–another white man “saving” a Ukrainian girl and he was so proud of himself.  I am not sure which one was worse the pride or the bragging.
• For the first time ever, I sat next to a woman carrying on a dog.  The dog barking was 5 times worse than a baby crying. It was bad. I hate that I am about to write this but, here it comes, give me a crying baby any day.  Can you not live without your dog for a few days around Christmas?

All of this said, it’s nice to be back in the States and so very close to home.  I am signing off now so that I can go and track down a coffee.

Everybody Dreams

Every human being dreams (except in cases of extreme psychological disorder) but men and women have different dreams and different physical reactions.

Blind People Dream

Who become blind after birth can see images in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion. It is hard for a seeing person to imagine, but the body need for sleep is so strong that it is able to handle virtually all physical situations to make it happen.

You Forget 90% of your Dreams

Within 5 minutes of waking, half of your dream if forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone.

We Only Dream of What We Know

Our dreams are frequently full of strangers who play out certain parts – did you know that your mind is not inventing those faces – they are real faces of real people that you have seen during your life but may not know or remember? We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces through our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams.

Not Everyone Dreams in Color

A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively in black and white. The remaining number dream in full color. People also tend to have common themes in dreams, which are situations relating to school, being chased, running slowly/in place, sexual experiences, falling, arriving too late, a person now alive being dead, teeth falling out, flying, failing an examination, or a car accident. It is unknown whether the impact of a dream relating to violence or death is more emotionally charged for a person who dreams in color than one who dreamsin black and white

Quitters have more vivid dreams

People who have smoked cigarettes for a long time who stop, have reported much more vivid dreams than they would normally experience. Additionally, according to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology: “Among 293 smokers abstinent for between 1 and 4 weeks, 33% reported having at least 1 dream about smoking. In most dreams, subjects caught themselves smoking and felt strong negative emotions, such as panic and guilt. Dreams about smoking were the result of tobacco withdrawal, as 97% of subjects did not have them while smoking, and their occurrence was significantly related to the duration of abstinence. They were rated as more vivid than the usual dreams and were as common as most major tobacco withdrawal symptoms.

External Stimuli Invade our Dreams

This is called Dream Incorporation and it is the experience that most of us have had where a sound from reality is heard in our dream and incorporated in some way. A similar (though less external) example would be when you are physically thirsty and your mind incorporates that feeling in to your dream. My own experience of this includes repeatedly drinking a large glass of water in the dream which satisfies me, only to find the thirst returning shortly after – this thirst… drink¦ thirst¦ loop often recurs until I wake up and have a real drink. The famous painting above (Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening) by Salvador Dali, depicts this concept.

Dreams Prevent Psychosis
In a recent sleep study, students who were awakened at the beginning of each dream, but still allowed their 8 hours of sleep, all experienced difficulty in concentration, irritability, hallucinations, and signs of psychosis after only 3 days. When finally allowed their REM sleep the student’s brains made up for lost time by greatly increasing the percentage of sleep spent in the REM stage

Dreams are not about what they are about
If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language. The unconscious mind tries to compare your dream to something else, which is similar. Its like writing a poem and saying that a group of ants were like machines that never stop. But you would never compare something to itself, for example: That beautiful sunset was like a beautiful sunset. So whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.

You are paralyzed while you sleep
Believe it or not, your body is virtually paralyzed during your sleep – most likely to prevent your body from acting out aspects of your dreams. According to the Wikipediaarticle on dreaming, Glands begin to secrete a hormone that helps induce sleep and neurons send signals to the spinal cord which cause the body to relax and later become essentially paralyzed.

Like it? Leave a comment, i’d love to know u!

Stores are hustling and bustling, even at 9am on a Monday morning.  Shelves are getting emptier at retailers around the area, and some are still trying to figure out what the perfect gift is for a loved one.

It’s the week when we pull out the Christmas traditions that one holds dear, and when we celebrate the birth of our dear savior Jesus Christ.

For me, Christmas week means the movie “White Christmas.”  I’ve already watched it 3 times, but will watch it again, and maybe even more than that.

There’s just something about that movie!  I think it’s the costumes, the dancing and the wish for a white Christmas.  Rosemary Clooney, Vera Ellen, Danny Kaye, Bing Crosby – AMAZING!

When I was little a white Christmas was so exciting.  Now, I just worry, will we make it to visit family, will my husband be able to spend the day with us.

It looks like this year we’ll get rain, which is good for the practical side of my mind, but a white Christmas just is transforming to the holiday.  It makes it feel like CHRISTMAS!

Whether your week of Christmas is white or full of green grass, don’t forget to take time out for your favorite holiday traditions, and make some time for yourself, even if it’s to take a couple of hours to watch an old favorite holiday movie.

10 more days to the closing of the year and I’d love to do some reflections here… which is extremely difficult when I have to pen it down through this wordpress blog. As always, the year had presented its ups and downs. It had been a roller coaster year for me and I have to almost say that the number of ‘ups’ is the same as the ‘downs’.

Some of the obvious downs that gave me sleepless nights and non-productive days were my encounter with 2 bouts of headaches that lasted more than 1 month each time it happened… almost to the point of paralyzing my daily activities. But thank God, there is always a silver lining through the dark clouds and I’m fine again as of this post. One thing for sure is that these DOWNS become UPS… truly glad.

I didn’t manage to accomplish certain goals as well. That little piece of driving license is still so far away from my grasps… where had all my resolutions gone to? I probably didn’t see all the distractions coming in. Oh well… As I shifted from my full-time work to a freelance-based work, I guess I lost some focus here and there even though I regain all my lost time. I can almost shout out aloud that thinking how to spend my time meaningfully, when I have 24 hours a day, requires so much dedication and perseverance that it produces some level of stress too. Strange but true.

I managed to complete a project on my own too, after all these while. One of the downside was that I lost most of my work resources by switching to freelance mode. The upside? I get to do things the way I want. I’m still not able to clearly tell the benefits/short-comings of switching to freelancing but I guess time will tell.

I did manage to start my part-time MBA without much emotional/work baggages. I’m actually going to school like a normal undergraduate! And with that, it means that I have some financial baggages to be managed since I’m earning only a fraction of what my former self did. There is no perfect world but trade-offs always exist! Ouch!

The past quarter had seen me doing what I like most and that is playing the guitar! I have to be serious here and I’m glad that I’m having all the time in the world to indulge myself here. It’s just a hobby but boy I’m learning a lot from just learning a piece of music.

Some accomplishments:

• I started this blog and participated in NaBloPoMo for consistently posting for a period of 30-days without stopping (almost)
• I bought my first DSLR camera and I’m enjoying it every outing of my life now LOL
• I managed to post the most number of videos on my youtube channel this year
• I bought Adam’s Stevie Wonder DVD instructional material (and yes the video is up there!)
• And finally, I have a much closer walk with God (still baby steps but I covered some distance spiritually at least!)
• YES LOTS MORE and if I were to continue, this post is going to be flowing out of control!!!

Finally, closing off the year with Stevie Wonder song. Learning this song has shown me the meaning of hard work and perseverance. I repeated the song at least 5 times a day over the past 3 weeks and that made it 105 times… the most number of times that I’ve ever practiced for a single song. And during the past 3 weeks, I played NOTHING and only this one. I’m impressed by myself but also impressed that I still have a long way to go. There is still 2010.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to ALL!

Overjoyed

Over time, I’ve been building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
I’ve gone much too far for you now to say
That I’ve got to throw my castle away

Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I’ve been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day

And though you don’t believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone
Just to find, I had found what I’ve searched to discover
I’ve come much too far for me now to find
The love that I’ve sought can never be mine

And though you don’t believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance
And maybe with a chance you will find
You too like I
Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you

The sugar saturation began Saturday night at the Champagne and Chocolate party.

Picture this. I’ll have to draw you an imaginary picture because this silly girl forgot her camera (bad blogger!).

An eight foot round table covered in trays of chocolate.

A platter of chocolate covered raspberries and one of chocolate macadamia nuts.

Honey-comb covered chocolate. Chili-chocolate peanut bark.

The list goes on. And on. My all time fave was the dark chocolate truffle fudge. Oh my. *swoon*

I woke up a little fuzzy headed and I blame the chocolate. Not the glasses of champagne. But I could be wrong.

Sunday was my family Christmas get-together brunch. Loads of yummy food and I may have sampled the peanut brittle we gave Uncle Dan (thanks Dan!)

I’m going to fast this week. Honest. (well, maybe not but it sounds like a good idea)

I did do a little pro-active damage control and embarked an exploratory run through the city. I left the safety of my Noe Valley/Glenn Park loop and headed over to Bernal Heights. It was cold and windy and I was under-dressed so it maybe wasn’t quite as fun as it could have been.

On the horse front Now Voyager was doing so much better but he had new shoes put on and the process re-irritated something. Poor baby. I’m packing his hoof with Magic Comfort and may need to lock him up in the stall again. We’ll see how he’s going tomorrow. One day at a time.

Hope you all had a great weekend and thanks for all the house name suggestions!

کانفدنت گشنه ی بچه پررو ؟ یه همچه طوریم

Hello and Seasons Greetings! In a past life (well, just two years ago), I was a serious Christmas Card fanatic.  I loved sending them and I loved getting them. Now that I live in Bulgaria this is harder.  Okay, it’s not like the postal system doesn’t work–it’s just not as easy as in the states.  That may not even be true. The thing is it’s just harder for me.  I’d have to plan in advance. I’d have to have everyone’s physical addresses–not just their email addresses and then I’d have to make the time to write out cards.

So here it comes. My blogging version of the Christmas card (this way I don’t even have to have email addresses or post messages on friends facebook walls but don’t worry I’ll also twitter you a Christmas message–that’s easy just 140 characters).

My picture would be on the outside:

Me at School

In this case the picture is a clever one.  It’s me in the snow wearing my Bulgarian national dance costume. It evokes Bulgaria and winter without being outwardly Christmas-y. The scenery is beautiful and the snow in the trees is extremely picturesque. The photo says, I’m trying–but not too hard. I mean it’s not like I am wearing a red and green Christmas sweater. It’s tasteful. (Or at least I hope it is.)

Then inside the card there would be this message printed in Bulgarian:

Весела Коледа и Щастлива Нова Година.

(Merry Christmas and Happy New Year)

I’d probably just write you a little note inside under this printed greeting.  I’m sure that given how long the term has been and how much grading I’ve been doing that most of the messages–albeit handwritten–would say about the same thing: I hope that this card finds you well and I wish that I was able to deliver it to you in person.  Best wishes to you and your near and dear ones as we enter this holiday season.

Luckily for you I am not really into the whole Christmas letter-update thing.  If I was you’d also get a typed letter which gave you and update of my year. It would cover the highlights and give me a chance to brag.  My letter would probably include lines like this: I spent the 2008-09 school year in Sofia, Bulgaria on a Fulbright Scholarship teaching English at the First English Language High School and then in July just when I thought my year in Sofia was coming to a close I was offered a job teaching at the American College of Sofia, a private high school.  I accepted and my adventure continues. I’d probably list off the amazing countries I’ve visited and traveled through–hoping to impress you and give off an air of European sophistication (oh this is also supposed to make you jealous but in my letter I’d never let on that I knew I was doing this so I’d talk about places like Vienna, Prague, Berlin, Krakow, Sarajevo and Venice sound as common place and blase as possible). I would probably conclude with some reminiscing regarding my time thus far in Bulgaria. But I am not the kind of girl to send Christmas updates with my Christmas cards so I guess you don’t have to worry about reading any of this.

All of this said, I do love Christmas and New Years and I am looking forward to spending these holidays with my family in the States.  Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to celebrate 2010 with my Bulgarian friends when I return to Sofia in early January. So for today, I’ll have to say in closing is that I am wishing each of you a very happy holiday season.  (Sorry. Just to be clear there are no Christmas cards in the mail this year from me.)

I’ve long thought that life was something sacred: something meant to be seized and defined to fit our view of the world and being. And it’s our responsibility to get out of it what we want from it. Everybody wants something different and for some the every day banalities suffice–housework, preparing to eat, eating, working (in some cases), and discussing the weather and cars and TV and sports and stuff and Christmas shopping, etc. In fact, I’ve met many people who appear to be threatened by any attempt to go deeper. Because their existence is already defined how they want it, and that’s cool. But as I get sucked into the hundredth weather and Christmas shopping  conversation of the season, against my will because it’s expected and it’s what the majority does, I find myself getting annoyed. Why is it that I have to stay on the surface with many people so as not to disturb their way of being, but I am expected to participate enthusiastically in all the B.S. that I feel is an irrelevant waste of time? Although for the last six years or so, I have played the game in order to participate in society in a “normal” way, but my patience is running thin. Yesterday when asked by a clerk at the store if I was excited for Christmas, etc., I casually said, “Christmas isn’t really my shtick” and it was as if a bomb had gone off.

I still strongly believe that if I want my life a certain way, I have to make it happen, even when it’s a fight not to get my soul sucked out by the mundane, the banal, the every day, the irrelevant. And the memories of the moments of my life when I was totally alive and there is nothing I would change about them, they remind me of where I’m going and keep me on track: motorcycle and snowboard rides and first kisses, being with my son as he discovers life and delighting in the gift of his love, dancing to all hours in Paris, thinking and communicating below the surface with other people and through art and reading, relishing in fine cuisine and art and, feeling music and other sensory experiences take over my body, walking in the rain wherever, taking risks and the ensuing exhilaration, traveling as far and wide and often as I can. And of course many of these experiences would be nothing without the beautiful people I was lucky enough to share them with.

And if the memories aren’t coming through strong enough, I have only to glance at the magnet I picked up at the Shakespearean theater in London to remind me it’s OK to want more: “What is a man if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed?”

I am not sure that many of you are kept awake at night wishing you could Balkan dance or have dreams of traditional dresses dancing through your head but if you do, this blog post is for you. It’s your lucky night.

Me, Sarah and Abby

I made my Bulgarian National dance debut tonight. I got to wear traditional clothing!! And I danced two dances with the moms and other international teachers from school at the American College of Sofia’s Christmas Concert for parents and alumni. It went okay. I danced with a lot of heart but I was far from perfect. It helps when you’re wearing really great clothes as well.

Me in my Dance Dress!

I am not sure that mustard yellow is really my color but look at how great this dress is. It’s wool and has a black overlay sewn on. The under-skirt or under-dress is white cotton with embroidery on the bottom, the sleeves, and the neck. There’s also a black apron with beautiful flowers embroidered on it.  I am not so secretly in love with the dress.  It really, really makes me want to get one of my own.

I mean, I need this or something like this.  Right?

Okay, we danced as well. It wasn’t just about dressing up but I have to say that the dressing up was great fun.  I think that there may be a youtube clip of the performance in the making.  I am sure I’ll know more about this tomorrow.  I am happy to report that all in all the dancing went well and I had a couple of students tell me I did a great job.  I have a hunch they may have been being nice to me but that’s fine with me. I’ll take what I can get.

Balkan Dancing Outside in the Snow

We danced at the end of the show–it was great to be able to watch so many of our students perform. After the formal part of the dancing we invited everyone in the audience outside to dance a few traditional pieces with us.  But as soon as we went out it started rain-snowing.  So we danced outside in the snow for a bit in one big long chain of people. It was cold though and I was hungry.  So I changed back into my everyday work clothes (even though I didn’t want to and a piece of me doesn’t understand why I shouldn’t wear this outfit all of the time).

Now it’s time to go to bed because tomorrow I get to dance the whole thing over again!

We were watching Sense and Sensibility the other night. I’m a big Jane Austen fan and can recite Pride and Prejudice nearly by heart. Of course I’m speaking of the 1995 BBC version with Colin Firth *swoon* as Mr. Darcy.

It struck me as quaint how they named their houses. Pemberly. Rosings. Norland.

I did a little looking around and found this nugget of info…

House Names up to the 19th Century

As house names became more common in the 12th century, they were often derived from the names of people connected with them. Exeter House was the London home of the Bishop of Exeter, while the Earl of Arundel lived in Arundel House.

Names were primarily given to large and prominent houses belonging to the aristocracy. Such names were often single, free-standing words: Belmont, Broadlands, or the Rosings and Pemberly of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Of course, it was not unheard of for commoners to name their houses: in her invaluable little book on house naming, Joyce Miles notes several names from the 1700s, including Duckpool, Tadhill, and even Tumbledown Dick’s

So I’ve decided to name our house.

Since it’s “not unheard of for commoners to name their houses” I think I’m ok here.

Any suggestions?

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A few weeks ago I commented on my blog about the fact that we don’t really do lights or Christmas very well in Sofia. Then I went downtown on Monday to get my Bulgarian ID card and found myself wandering around at dusk.  Dusk is a pretty good time to view a city. They don’t look as dirty as they do turning the day but you can still good a pretty good look at the different buildings.

Lights on the National Bank

And while Sofia may not be the next Christmas hot spot, the city isn’t doing too poorly at stringing up some lights on a few buildings.  A coordinated effort it is not.  The National Bank building says Merry Christmas and Happy New Year–that’s a pretty nice touch if you ask me.

Close up

The parliament building however seems to be another story. They’ve hung blue lights in the windows and they’ve been hung so poorly that it makes you wonder if they were hung up in the dark.  I’ve never seen anything quite like this before.  There are no green or red light, not a single clear light to be seen just windows full of blue twinkling Christmas lights.  It more or less looks like the job I would if I were left to my own devices.

Blue lights of Parliament

So, that’s that. Parliament in Blue. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year else where in the city. And I get a kick out of the whole thing–whether I am supposed to or not.

Its all about desire. An internal motivation, absolutely,  positively must have a strategy. Must be defined and redefined under specifc time speculation.  When someone asks me “Hey do u have a desire??”,Can desire be represented in form of anything. I feel an internal desire doesn’t have any medium of representation. If it has it can be in form of your achievements.

Present situtation demands a employee to give their best. There are some situtations where in giving 100% is demanded. In some case its been adviced that giving 100% in any profession is not fair enough. But when situtations demand the best, After giving their 100% also does the employee deserves to get what he has worked for.

I live in my head. Though yet to check other heads moving around me, at least I do live in my head. As we grow up whatever has been fed into our brains makes its own combination of thoughts and we live off it.

At night when sleep comes, there are more characters in the dream, and sometimes we find ourselves in absolutely absurd situations and we realize it only on waking up. In dream everything seems perfect, our fears, our conditioning and our philosophies continue with our dream character as well.

Sometimes when one takes a long view of things, one becomes apparent of one’s lack of freedom. Our life happens while we foolishly try to live it. Several things happen over which one doesnt have any control, though we make believe that we do control several aspects of it. But at any point its hard to control your senses

I did a little Christmas shopping at the San Francisco Ferry Building yesterday at lunch.

You know that adage “give people what you – I mean they – want?” Well, I must have been hungry because I loaded up on yummy gourmet treats.

Fancy black tea from England.

Jam from France.

Peanut brittle made with micro-brewed beer.

Some chocolate covered graham crackers caught me eye and into the cart they went too.

Kika’s Caramelized Graham Crackers in Pure Dark Chocolate to be specific. Made in San Francisco.

A while later, back at my desk, they somehow wound up in my mouth. Oops.

Buttery chocolately heaven.

I shared one with a co-worker in the spirit of giving.

And even saved a couple for Bert.

Color me Christmas.

خب

What makes for the perfect Christmas window in a shop? In my mind, it’s a creative mix and riff of tradition and non-traditional holiday icons, images, colors and shapes.  Standard and cliché in my mind is red and green, Santa and reindeer, stockings and a fire-place.  Modern and non-traditional are mixing colors and green, sliver and blue or red, gold and brown–maybe there’s a tree but it’s not a fat over grown pine.

It’s a sense that the Christmas scene is fresh and clean–not necessarily sparse but it has a coherence and a simplicity while still being elegant and refined. It evokes a feeling of comfort and home, the spirit of the holiday but it’s sexier and more innovative than your Christmas decorations at home. It’s what you wish you could do if you weren’t obligated to put out all of the family Christmas treasures that have been accumulated over the years.

I realize this is a lot to ask for a single Christmas window or a shop’s Christmas display but in my mind this is what makes for curb-side appeal. So when I was on Vitosha last weekend shopping, snow falling I couldn’t help but think about the impending holiday.  Most of the shops had some nod towards the holiday in their windows but none in my mind seemed to really get it.  (And I get it, I probably have unreasonably high standards.)

This window however caught my attention:

A Christmas Shop Window?

The text is bold: The loveliest Christmas window? You’re looking at it.

In order to capture the text on the window I ended up having to sacrifice the rest of the display but don’t worry I’ll tell you what I saw. Black clothing–not a trace of fake snow or icicles, no lights strung in the window, hardly a nod toward any color let alone red or green, no santa, no tree, no wrapped presents on the floor.  Other than the sign on the window, in the shape of a wreath, I saw nothing that reminded me of the holiday.

So what? Now I find myself wondering is this for real? What are they up to? Is this a wonderfully wry post-modern, post-consumerism joke? Did they just forget to put out the Christmas goods? Is the window decorated now? Is it possible that the whole store only sells things in some shade of black or gray so they have nothing to put in the window that evokes the season?

In the end, I don’t know what they’re up to and this question rings in my ears: Why? Why not put out Christmas?