Who ever said cleaning is boring?! I love wearing kinky and sexy outfits, or just nothing at all to tidy up my house. Basically the only thing I need are a pair of good rubber gloves and I am all ready to go. Household gloves that smell sweet, rubbery and some even smell like candy. Some with a smooth surface or a ribbed one, I like em all. Whenever I travel, the first thing I do, is go to the local supermarkets and buy loads of new pairs. It is amazing how different gloves are all over the world, I love to collect them in all kinds of colors. Some of my fans are even so nice to send me some, thanks guys!

I wear them to protect my hands and nails against chemicals and dirt, or even in the bedroom, kitchen, outdoors…I don’t need an excuse to put them on hehe. My partner adores them, he loves the ribbed ones best…The way my gloved hand grips his hard dick blows his mind, and he does alot of blowing…blowing his load of cum that is.

Orgasms come fast when rubbing my pussy with rubber gloves, the combination of smell and friction does the trick for me. Hence why I love leather and latex too…that could possibly explain my love for gloves, the combos: feminine, dominant, great smell, great friction and the way I look wearing them.

Hard to explain, I never was good with words, let’s keep it too…It feels great…let’s keep cleaning in gloves and just tidy up the sticky mess afterwards lol!

Guess what everybody… I have Thanksgiving off of work!

Being a baker, it is extremely rare that I get a holiday off.  Two days ago I got a call from my manager and she said that Thursday was over staffed and that someone was going to have to miss out on the day.

So here I am, not preparing for work

Instead, I get to go down to Woodstock, VT and have Thanksgiving dinner with Liza and her family.  It’s a beautiful little house and she  has a great family… I am wicked stoked (Don’t blame me.  Blame Massachusetts).  There’s little that I enjoy more than good food, good people, and good times.

Another surprise…

I am going to be leaving for my first race soon!

It is the 33rd annual 5k Turkey Trot at UVM in Burlington, VT.  It’s a short one, but I am hoping (hopping?  I never could figure out that one) to do well

Wish me luck!

À bientôt

Tease me,

Please me

Use me.

now I get it clear

Liza minelli – Use Me

Liza-with-a-z

One interesting thing about visiting my plant accounts once a week is that I never really know what happens when I’m not there. Sometimes I come in and find trash in the pots (drives me crazy!). Sometimes there are branches broken off and I have no idea who did it or why. Other times, plants have simply vanished.

So I wasn’t really surprised when I walked into the bathroom of a pizza place and found that the vase of flowers they pay me to keep in there was gone.

I swap the flowers out once a week. Sometimes, customers steal the flowers, but they usually, but not always, leave the vase. Once, someone stole Gladiolas – you know, those huge flowers that stand about four feet tall? How they managed to get them out of the restaurant with no one seeing is beyond me.

It’s fine that the flowers are gone, I have new ones to install. But my question now is, where’s the vase?

Sometimes the cleaning crew stashes it under the sink. But it’s not there. Maybe it’s out in the main part of the restaurant.

Nope. Here?

In the past, I’ve found the vase on random shelves. I think the servers put it there.

Nope, not there either. At this point, I’m wondering if maybe a customer took the flowers AND the vase. That would be a bummer.

Before I give up, though, I have to check the dishwashing station. It’s a long-shot, but maybe the cleaning crew saw that the flowers were dead and sent the vase to get washed. It’d be a first.

Ta-daaaa! Mystery solved!

Fabulous. The vase is found, and clean, and I can get back to work. I have some pretty Spider flowers.

It turned out that Maria, who cleans the bathrooms, had indeed noticed that the flowers were wilted, so she did me a favor and threw them out (knowing I would be in later that morning to replace them). She then gave the vase to the dishwasher so it would be clean for me. Happy ending.

I have a few points in bringing you along on this mystery. One, it’s a short week and it’s sorta fun. Plus, I like to poke around restaurants when there are no customers there. This one, Boston’s Pizza, is always clean and they’ve been really good clients of mine over the years.

But mainly it’s to say that if you’re not the caretaker of the plants or flowers, and you decide to take them, you’re messing with someone’s livelihood. If you’re a plant lover and you want to take a cutting without damaging the plant, I’m ok with that. But it’s not ok to steal a plant or flowers. And it’s not ok to break off an entire branch so you can start a plant of your own at home. The plant will probably survive, but it’s not cool.

And I suspect that if plants could scream, they probably would at being harmed that way. They are living breathing creatures!

With that in mind, here’s a special edition of Name That Plant Problem!

Name That Plant Problem!

Can you guess what happened to this leaf? I’ll give you a hint. This plant used to be at a car dealership surrounded by bored used car salesmen.

If you think you can tell what happened, leave your answer in the comment section. There are no prizes for guessing correctly, only glory and my gratitude for playing.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for anyone still reading after all this silliness. I’m also thankful to be with family and friends during this chilly November holiday. I hope you have a love-filled Thanksgiving as well!

I will return with more posts on Monday. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

As if you really need any more reasons to buy local.

Holiday plants can make great gifts, but only if they are healthy. I went to Home Depot yesterday to check out their supply of holiday plants. Look what I found.

About 90 percent of their holiday flowers were already mostly dead.

Who would buy that? They also had some washed-out looking Poinsettias and some Christmas cacti with dead blossoms.

They also had some Bromeliads, but I don’t find them particularly festive.

No self-respecting local nursery would mistreat their plants the way the big box stores do. That’s because employees who work at nurseries actually care about plants.

I often find dead or dying plants at places like Home Depot and Lowe’s. But even I’m surprised by the number of already dead holiday plants – didn’t they just arrive?

If you live in the Albuquerque area, consider visiting a local nursery for gift ideas. I went to Jericho Nursery on 2nd and Alameda.

They not only have lots of beautiful Poinsettias, but they also created mini-Poinsettias that they put in self-watering containers.

Pretty cute, eh? I think these would make wonderful gifts for coworkers or neighbors. They are inexpensive, and all you have to do is make sure there’s water in the container. The plant waters itself. That makes it a no-fuss gift.

They also had some gorgeous Christmas cacti.

Gorgeous! See how the buds aren’t open yet? That’s when you want to buy a Christmas cactus. If you buy them when the blossoms are already fully open, they will fall off rapidly (maybe even before you get the plant home). Also, you get a lot more longevity if the buds aren’t open.

Holiday plants can make great gifts as well centerpieces for your dining room table. I was planning on showcasing some nice centerpieces, but as it turns out, I’m posting this from an airport (my first ever airport post) so I’m going to have to cut it short.

Before I go, here’s one more reminder to shop your local nurseries instead of the big box stores. There were lots of dead plants at Home Depot.

Plant murderers.

The medical ward at Glovemansion has some kinky nurses, doctors, surgeons and patients! They all have one thing in common…their love for latex and surgical gloves. Whatever their *illness* or desire, the gloved ladies always get their ways at the *Happy Hospital*. From milking hard cocks with their gloved hands, to anal exams, cock and ball torture to hot nurses having sex, doctors fucking their patients, dentists playing evil games…it all happens at Glovemansion…with a good cum load all over the gloves in the end!

Je viens d’écouter Thierry Henry sur RTL qui s’exprimait dans l’émission de Lizarazu.

L’homme est visiblement meurtri. Autant par le formidable buzz suscité par sa main, qu’il semble sincèrement regretter (ainsi que sa joie après le but), que par un manque de soutien de la part de certains. Il ne nomme pas ces derniers, mais on devine que les édiles de la Fédération française de foot l’ont déçu.

Rien de surprenant. Ces messieurs de la Fédé sont des planqués grassement rémunérés qui ne vont certainement pas monter au créneau (“au front”, comme l’a dit Henry) pour qui que ce soit et risquer de perdre leurs prébendes.

Henry a un peu déplacé le débat. Bien joué. Il a donc paru clairement, je le répète, faire amende honorable. Et a avoué s’être excusé pour sa main baladeuse. Pas, certes, devant l’Irlande tout entière. Mais du moins vis à vis du joueur (Richard Dunn) à côté duquel il est allé s’asseoir à la fin de France-Irlande et donc de toute l’équipe irlandaise.

Pour le reste, Henry a été plutôt langue de bois face à un Liza qui tentait de le tititiller, notamment sur le fond de jeu misérable des Bleus. On sentait le capitaine de l’équipe de France extrêmement gêné. Pas étonnant. Il est dedans. Il ne va pas faire péter les murs de la maison. Entre les lignes, on ne le sent pas franchement à l’aise quand il parle par exemple de Raymond Domenech, qu’il défend bien mollement.

Je suis même farouchement convaincu que Thierry Henry rêve d’un autre coach tricolore pour la prochaine Coupe du monde. Rêvons avec lui qu’il puisse réussir ce qu’il avait tenté avant le match face à la Roumanie (mini-putsch des joueurs), autrement dit à faire main basse sur les Bleus…

Screw People of Walmart. They have nothing on the people in West Edmonton Mall. We braved the mall on Saturday with Statler & Waldorf in tow. There aren’t many scenarios in which those two aren’t the odd people out (Waldorf asked our Tony Roma’s waitress if she spelled her name, Melissa, with 2 “s”es & Statler wore green eye shadow). However, West Ed is a place where you can let your freak flag fly.

First off, the parking. Obviously going this close to Christmas, parking is going to be at a premium – which we expected. BUT if you park your piece of shit Saturn in two frigging parking spaces because you’re in too much of a hurry to spend your money that you can’t park like a regular person – you’re a douchebag. Getting 2 kids out of the car, then pulling our vehicle into a spot is super fun. Even better was leaving when 2 cars decided they both wanted our spot. We purposely left in a way to let the person who was there first get our spot. Douchebag number 87 of the day decided that meant he should just lean on his horn for a minute or so. I hope he ended up parking illegally and got a towed. 

Secondly. It would be great for those of us who are shopping if you put just a slight amount of effort in to getting ready for your day. Like perhaps running a comb through your hair – I know that may be too much to ask in this Robert Pattison era of bad hair love (while I’m on that subject, my only enjoyment of Robert comes from him being the only person on the planet who is paler than myself), but it should look like if you ran your hand through it you wouldn’t need the jaws of life to have your hand removed. Also, it would be great if you could get dressed. Who came up with this shopping in pajamas bullshit? Seriously? Your life is so busy that you can’t get fucking dressed? C’mon!

The Statler & Waldorf visit in of itself went off strangely well. Not many awkward conversations. The parent/child relationship shift is beginning though. I do find myself wanting to say “you’re going to eat, it’s going to be good and I don’t want to hear about it anymore!”. We had lunch at the aforementioned rib place & for Statler and Waldorf, that was their last meal of the day. It was 1:30 pm. They had a piece of cake in the evening & that was dinner. And we wonder why we suffer from fainting spells. Alec and I felt it was an opportune time to gross them out and have sushi for supper. Yah, that’s the daughter in me. I’m not a huge sushi fan, but if it’s going to gross out Statler & Waldorf, then of course I’m going to eat it. Spite. That’s how I roll.

But, all in all, a successful trip. Statler has taken to calling Jude “Mooshy Mooshy” & “Judy”, which is super because now Emmy calls him Judy & Mooshy Mooshy. Loudly. On Sunday we went to another mall & Dad offered to help the staff at the Wok restaurant in the food court cook the noodles because they were taking too long to make his lunch – I went and waited in line at Arby’s. Just based on their behaviour at restaurants when I’m with them, I’m pretty sure we’ve eaten snot on more than on occasion. On the up side, I found 2 really cute sweaters & joined the Bootlegger club…it might be a cult. 

Of course I’ve been agonizing over what to get Statler and Waldorf for Christmas. They each have enough perfume/cologne for a cheap hooker & lounge lizard to live happily ever after, so that’s out. Neither of them read. Or have hobbies. They don’t eat. They don’t like people. I’m taking suggestions.

When I asked if they’d booked their hotel for Christmas & the answer was “no, we’re not coming at Christmas, the hotel is too expensive and we don’t want to drive”, I came up with the brilliant plan of them using some of the bajillion Avion points for their hotel. I am seriously the only daughter on earth who has to invite her parents to join us for Christmas and insist they come! It was like I was convincing them to come to a screening of my last gynecological visit. Visit confirmed this morning – December 25 and 26th thanks to Avion, hotel costs zero bucks. I doubt they’ll fly down, but we’ll see how the roads are that week. So for Christmas, I’m giving my kids the gift of both grandparents. I still have to buy them presents? Crap.

This week is going well, totally packed. Going to be making my Christmas cards tonight.

While the business of planning for Christmas has begun, check out my friend Liza’s new iPhone/iPod app – it will help you keep everything straight, it’s awesome! 

Good Monday morning everyone!

Today, we revisit the plant hospital (aka, my spare bedroom) and check on some of the plants featured here in the past. I want to show you the after effects of pruning and repotting, both of which are great for plants.

As I said in my ode to baby leaves, new growth can tell you much about the health of a plant. New leaves should be flawless. If they are not – if the new leaf has black on it, spots, discoloration or is misshaped – something is wrong. It’s almost always going to be too much water.

The main reason houseplants die is by overwatering. Many people, in a rush to take what they see as good care of the plant, consistently give the plant too much water. Then it drowns.

There’s one simple way to make sure you don’t overwater your houseplants. Stick your finger in the soil. If it’s soaked, don’t give the plant more water. A lot of people don’t like to get their fingers dirty. I’m sorry about that. It’s the easiest best way to tell what your houseplant needs.

Look at this adorable baby leaf! It’s on the Schefflera that I pruned and repotted a couple of weeks ago.

Notice that it doesn’t have any spots or discoloration. That’s a great sign. It means the plant survived the trauma of the repotting in November, and is beginning to thrive.

It is soooo tiny, I love it!

I also pruned Rosa the Jade a few weeks ago, and then potted the cuttings. They are already beginning to sprout new growth.

The plant world generally moves very, very slowly. So you’ll have to forgive me if I get overly excited about baby leaves.

Rosa the Jade is also doing well and sprouting new growth already. You remember Rosa, right?

Just below where I made some cuts, she’s got baby leaves sprouting. They are tiny!

Can you see them? There’s one on the right, and another on the left. So exciting.

I’m not bragging. I’m just trying to show you that pruning is good for plants, and that baby leaves are inspiring.

Even Easter the Christmas Cactus is showing off new buds.

She started blooming in time for Halloween. Most of the older blossoms have died, but she’s not done blooming. There are three new buds ready to unfurl.

Tomorrow I’ll feature holiday plants and centerpieces. Until then, happy indoor gardening!

Happy Friday everyone! Welcome back to our Friday edition of Ask the Experts, the only plant blog panel of experts on the web.

High-end graphics

We have a great edition in store for you today, as well as an answer to last week’s Plant Stumper (we stumped you alright!). But before we get to that, let’s meet the panel!

First up is my dear friend Tina Quintana.

Just like me, Tina has a small plant care business (Total Plant Management) here in Albuquerque. She’s got quite the green thumb – she’s the one I call when I have questions about indoor or outdoor plants. So far, there’s never been a question I asked that she couldn’t answer – that’s mindblowing! She’s a lovely and amazing woman. Thanks for your expertise, Tina!

Our next expert is my great friend “EZ” Ed Johnson.

Ed and I have known each other for years. We used to work together in the sports department of the Albuquerque Journal. Everyone in the department had nicknames – his is EZ, mine was Wheelsie (as in 18 wheels on a big rig, which makes a tiny bit more sense if you know my last name is Wheeler). EZ still works at the paper as a sports writer and editor, and he also has zillions of other hobbies and passions. Sadly, houseplants aren’t among them. But that didn’t stop him from being on my esteemed panel. Thanks for joining us, EZ!

Next on our panel is the lovely and talented Dottie Correll.

I just love her. Doesn’t she look like a sunflower? Dottie and I met several years ago at the local Red Cross chapter. Dottie’s been a volunteer since 1963. I volunteered in the office but didn’t accomplish much – she always had me in stitches! Quite the spitfire, this one. She is an asset to humanity and an all-around lovely human being. She even knows a thing or two about plants! Thanks for being here Dottie!

Our final expert is the fabulous Lewis Casey. I’m still working on a graphic for him, so for now, you’ll just have to imagine his smiling mug on a sunflower.

Lewis is Director of Safety for the New Mexico Department of Health, and he’s also a Disaster Action Team Captain for the local Red Cross. That means, if your house burns down, or you are somehow affected by a natural disaster, Lewis is the one who shows up to make sure you have food, shelter and clothing. That’s no small feat, folks, it requires dedication, compassion and lots of know-how. Did I mention it’s a volunteer position? Thanks for all you do Lewis!

Of course, I’m Liza.

I’m the moderator for this panel of experts and the author of this blog. It’s my great privilege to be here. Thanks everyone for joining us. Shall we get started?

Ok, this week’s question comes to us from Albuquerque. Yeah, it’s still me as I haven’t gotten any questions submitted from readers. Any time you guys want to ask a question, go right on ahead!

Q: When is the best time to prune rose bushes, in the fall or spring?

Tina, let’s start with you. What’s your answer to this week’s question?

A. Spring.

Ding ding ding ding! Spring is correct! When asked why, Tina said that if you prune rose bushes in the fall, they will start to grow, and that new growth will freeze and you will end up having to prune again in the spring (better to let them have their dormancy). She mentioned other reasons, too, but the bottom line is spring is the time to prune rose bushes.

Ok, EZ, let’s throw the question to you, my friend.

Q. When is the best time to prune rose bushes, in the fall or spring?

A. Roses? Well, I’m looking for Stanford to beat Ohio State in the Rose Bowl.

(Insert sound of a buzzer.) Oooh, sorry EZ, that is incorrect. Big Ten teams are better than Pac-10 teams. Everyone knows that. (I mean, except for the last 10 years, but that’s beside the point.) Thanks for playing, though!

Up next is the lovely Dottie. Dottie, what’s your answer to this week’s question?

Q. When is the best time to prune rose bushes, in the fall or spring?

A. My knowledge of “pruning roses”? Not so much! However, I learned about “pruning” my hair the hard way!

At seven years of age, my mother made me into a real “girly girl” with fancy little dresses and the dreaded “long curls” ala Shirley Temple! However, in my neighborhood, there were few little girls to play with — just very typical rough little boys. I so wanted to be one of the boys not a “girly girl.” They were my constant playmates and even condescended to let me be on the baseball team.

So, wanting desperately to fit in, off I took myself to the local barber at the end of our street. I somehow convinced him I had my mother’s permission to have my hair cut like a boy’s and that mother (who was at work) would pay him the next time she came into have her hair cut.  I triumphantly returned home with my newly “pruned hair,” just “one of the boys” to a horrified and irate mother who made sure my “pruning” would result in my not being able to play first base or get to any base for quite some time.

Hahahahaha, good story Dottie! I’m glad you said “play first base” instead of “get to first base” because this is a family-friendly website. Ok, up next is Lewis. Lewis, what’s your answer?

Q. When is the best time to prune rose bushes, in the fall or spring?

Lewis: When you are putting your Christmas lights on your rose bushes and other plants around the house, use only UL outdoor rated lights. Check your lights to be sure there are no damaged or broken wires – a taped-up spot is not weather-proof and could be a electrical hazard. Don’t overload your electrical circuits. 19 strands of lights might look pretty but it could also burn your house down. If you’re putting lights on the roof or sides of the house, use a good, sound ladder, don’t reach out too far, move the ladder instead. Do not stand on the top rung/step because many people fall from the top step. Don’t be one of them. Be careful walking on the roof and if it’s wet or snow covered, stay off of it! A pretty ground display is better than a broken neck. Better yet, just put a low wattage electric candle in the window signaling the world our love of family, of friends and the safe return of loved ones far from home. Many blessing and prayers for those who stand in harms way for our sake both near and at the far end of the earth. Peace and be safe.

Wow! Now there’s a guy looking out for your best interests! Thanks Lewis. It’s not the correct answer, but rose bushes sure would look nice with holiday lights strung on them.

Ok, that’s it for this week’s edition of Ask the Experts. Thank you to our wonderful panel of “experts.” We’ll be giving the experts a break next Friday as it’s Thanksgiving weekend, but we will back on December 4th for another edition. Please check back!

Plant Stumper!

Last week, I asked “When is an Agave plant not an Agave plant?” The answer is not “when it’s tequila” (that’s correct, but not the answer I want).

No one answered correctly because it was an impossibly hard question. Hence the title “Plant Stumper.” So, what is the answer?

When is an Agave plant not an Agave plant? When it’s a security device!

Before you throw your shoe at the computer, or leave hateful comments for me, let me explain. By planting an Agave plant, or a Prickly Pear or other plants with wickedly sharp thorns, underneath exposed windows around your house, you create a security wall that deters burglars. Believe me, Agave thorns are super painful – no burglar in his right mind will go near them. And if he tries, he’ll learn quickly that it’s not worth it to break into your house.

Still mad? I’m sorry. But it’s good advice. Planting thorny plants in the beds under your windows is just plain smart, not to mention less expensive and prettier than putting bars on your windows.

Still mad? I’m still sorry. But remember, I warned you it was a stumper!

Again, we’ll be giving the experts a break next Friday for the holidays, but will return again on December 4th with a new edition of Ask the Experts. We’ll also have a new installment of “Name That Plant Problem.” Until then, stay safe out there! And happy indoor gardening to you all.

I have a Corn plant problem.

I don’t mean the kind of corn that grows in the Midwest, or that James might reference on his site James and the Giant Corn.

No, I mean Dracaena Fragrans. The problem is I have several, and they all need help.

This guy’s sad, and one of his stalks is dead. Then there’s this guy:

He’s obviously overgrown and dusty. Then, in the kitchen, yet another unhappy Corn plant.

He also has a dead stalk and is very dusty and overgrown.

So what to do? Take ‘em to the back yard, of course, and give them a new lease on life.

If it were summer, I would NOT take these plants outside. They are super sensitive to sunburns. Even in November, I took caution and did my work in the shade.

See the big stalk in the middle? It’s dead. How do I know? I just felt it.

It’s crunchy and the outer casing is loose from the stalk. I yanked it out, along with another dead one, then began pulling the healthy ones out, too.

Lots of healthy stalks to reconfigure.

Those root balls are pretty big, so I trimmed them.

Given the height of Corn plant stalks, it might be surprising for you to know the roots are very small comparatively. That’s important to remember when watering. It does no good to soak the soil – you just want to splash water around the base of the stalk.

Also, keep in mind that Corn plants store water in those big thick stalks, so they require much less water than you would think.

Now what about that dust? Should I pull out my favorite gardening hose and go to town?

Forgive me, I’ll take just about any opportunity to show off my colorful garden hose. I love it!

The answer, by the way, is no. Not necessary. Instead, I simply used a dry cloth to rub the dust off each leaf.

After all the leaves were dusted, I repotted the stalks. (A quick note, I use the words repotting and transplanting interchangeably.)  Two of the medium-sized ones went into a 14-inch growers pot. Looks a lot better, right?

I put another one of the stalks in the soil with the big fella from my living room (he was too big to take outside).

Another small stalk went into an 8-inch pot, and I’ll use that for a gift.

So if it’s not obvious, that was a breeze. Repotting should not be a chore. Also, most plant experts would say that November is not the time to repot, but they’ll be fine. They’re indoor plants, afterall, and they’ll adapt to whatever conditions I dictate.

Please let me know if you have any questions about Corn plants or how to repot them. Happy indoor gardening everyone!

Hello world,

Tonight, I am all alone.  My BFF Liza has gone south to get her eyes checked out and get a new prescription for her spectacles. (interruption… Spectacles – eyeglasses, esp. with pieces passing over or around the ears for holding them in place. Spectacle - anything presented to the sight or view, esp. something of a striking or impressive kind. Does that mean that spectacles were invented so that one could view a spectacle? Huh…)

Anyways, don’t worry, I should be able to take care of myself.  Check out my dinner

The Beginning

And The End...

See… I really can take care of myself (and don’t worry, my Liza will be back tomorrow).

Anyways, must be going to bed now…

Do Svidanja

What is it about young female pop stars and chair dancing?
Were they all raised watching Liza Minnelli in Cabaret?

My first vivid chair dancing memory was Britney Spears’s “Stronger” video. According to a MTV article released today, “Stronger” is described as the video where Britney turns from innocent schoolgirl to femme fetale. I don’t understand the point of the article either.

Beyonce also clearly likes the chair. Not only is it in “Video Phone”, but she also works the furniture in “Check Up On”,  not-so-coincidentally  both were directed by Hype Williams. Not only does Hype reuse the chair in “Video Phone,” but he also recycles the pin-up motif from the video he did for Kanye West, “Gold Digger.”

But before Britney and Beyonce there was Janet Jackson’s “Pleasure Principle” routine, which was Joseph Kahn’s point of reference when directing Britney’s “Stronger” video. But even before Miss. Jackson, there was Flashdance, which Jennifer Lopez uses as inspiration for her video  ”Glad.” Still following?

Not surprising, bourlesque-troupe-turned-pop-group The Pussycat Dolls also gives the chair some loving in “Buttons.” Apparently the only thing better than one girl giving a lapdance to Mr. Invisible is five synchronized gyrating girls.

Pink mixes it up by using a stool in “Lady Marmalade” – a song really begging for more of a chair routine.

Most recently, Ciara uses a chair in her “Love, Sex, Magic” video – it just so happens that Justin Timberlake is sitting in it, and of course the two appear to be in a strip club where JT is a patron and Ciara is a performer. This is not to be confused with the “Glad” or “Lady Marmalade” videos.

Amongst all the cabaret acts, hands down the most effective use of a chair is Madonna’s “Human Nature.” And who performed “Human Nature” with Madonna in 2008 to mark the beginning of her comeback? Why of course, Britney Spears. How full circle.

Dear Black Thumb,

You’re not a loser. Really. I know you think you are, but it’s not true! I know you feel cursed, like there’s no way you can ever learn how to grow houseplants. But I promise, if you have the desire, I can show you how to turn your black thumb green.

With much love,

Liza, aka “The Plant Lady”

I was at the cereal factory, one of my very favorite accounts (it smells oh-so-delicious), and struck up a conversation with one of the employees. I offered him some Pothos cuttings.

“No thanks, those would die at my house,” he said.

“Really? Because Pothos are one of the easiest houseplants to grow,” I answered. “There aren’t even windows in parts of the factory, but they grow fine there.”

He joked about he felt worse now, knowing they could survive in a windowless office but not his house.

Did I mention this guy is an engineer? Super smart fellow! But he’s convinced himself there’s no way he can ever learn how to take care of plants.

So today’s post goes out to him (I won’t use his name, lest the other engineers tease him endlessly, but he knows who he is). Before I get to how, let’s look at why houseplants are a wonderful addition to anyone’s home.

Why Bother with Houseplants?

1) Beauty. They’re gorgeous, why wouldn’t you want to be surrounded by pretty things?

2) Cleaner air. Houseplants clean the air, which keeps you healthier.

3) Companionship. What? You heard me – companionship. Houseplants are living breathing beings that are 100% dependent on your care. Just exactly like dogs or cats, except they don’t slobber, bite, claw, bark or meow. They also eat less and cost less. Houseplants need your nurturing, just as you need to nurture.

How To Turn Your Black Thumb Green

First, keep it simple. Those Pothos cuttings above? They can live in water forever.

You don’t need to know a thing about soil. Or fertilizer. Or vitamins. All these cuttings need is water. Now, they will drink their water, so you have to pour more in from time to time (everyone knows how to pour!), but that’s literally all there is to it.

So let’s say our engineer took those cuttings, put them in water, and realized that he liked the splash of green that now brightened his house. He also realized how easy it was. Now he wants to learn more.

I would graduate him to plants in soil. (Although, as Martha at Water Roots says, most plants can live in water forever.)

There are lots of houseplants that require very little effort. I’ve talked about many of them on this site. For a beginner, I would recommend Sansevieria, commonly known as Snake plant or Mother-in-law’s Tongue (because they are difficult to kill).

Snake plants require very little care. In fact, they thrive on neglect.

Not that I’m recommending neglecting them. I’m just saying they don’t mind if you forget to water them for a month or two.

Cacti and succulents are also great plants for beginners. They require very little water (especially in the winter). The main thing they do require is sunshine. If our engineer has a sunny windowsill, that’s a perfect spot for a cactus.

If our engineer does not have a sunny windowsill, I would pick out a dark-leafed plant for him. As a general rule of thumb, the darker the leaves, the less light a plant needs.

In upcoming posts, I’ll explore more houseplants that are perfect for beginners.

The Simplest, Best Way to Grow Houseplants

As for houseplant care, there is one rule that will change your relationship with plants forever: Pick one day a week to check on your plants. Yup, that’s it. Make say, Sunday your plant day. Then, every Sunday, go over and say hello to the little guys. Look at them – do they look healthy? Stick your finger in the soil. Is it dry? Give the plant water. If it’s moist, don’t.

Plants, like kids and pets, thrive on routine. So if you get in the habit of checking on them once a week, you are giving them the routine they crave. That’s one of the nicest things you can do for your plants.

So what if my engineer gets worried about fertilizer, or whether he has the right kind of soil, or that he doesn’t know how to repot plants? Since he’s a beginner, I would tell him to ignore those worries. There’s plenty of time for him to learn the nuances of what plants need or want. For now, he should just get to know the plants, and experiment with them. Keep it simple – give the plants water and watch to see what happens.

Simply by paying attention, he can learn much about plants. He will eventually realize the plant gives plenty of clues as to whether or not it’s happy. If you don’t believe me, check out this ode to baby leaves.

Once he gains some confidence with plants, I’ll point him to more specifics (that he can find on this site) such as how to prune, how to repot and how and when to fertilize.

See? That wasn’t so difficult, was it? Go ahead, give it a try!

A classic combo…real fur and leather gloves. I do love the retro style. Both are elegant and feminine. I guess the look could also be completed with a nice retro holder, might be a good idea for a video! Love to hear your comments, don’t be shy xxx Fetish Liza

It could be that I have a strange idea of what makes a good gift. I personally think anything nature related is a great gift idea. Flowering bulbs. Check. Satchel full of flower seeds. Check. Baby plants in cute pots. Check.

But then I remember one time in college when my roommate and I had a party. We gave out Geodes as thank-you-for-coming gifts. They didn’t go over as well as you might think.

Amethyst Geodes

That might be because they weren’t Amethyst ones like these. Still, they were pretty crystals. We had had such a good time collecting them from the river that we thought FOR SURE they would be the best gifts ever.

Back to my point. If you’re like me and think nature items make good gifts, then consider giving flower seeds as stocking stuffers this year.

I started getting my yard in shape for winter – cleaning, pruning – but before I raked anything, I collected as many Morning Glory seeds as I could.

Morning Glories

My, those are pretty flowers. Of course, mine look nothing like that. They croaked during the first frost, and because I was negligent in my water for much of the fall. But that’s ok, because the seeds are ready to harvest.

Morning Glory seeds

See all the little round balls? Those are the seeds. Collecting them is easy. Start with a bag to capture them.

Collecting Morning Glory seeds

Then gently squeeze so the outer casing falls off and the seeds fall out into your waiting bag.

Squeezing the Morning Glory seeds out of the pod

It was hot for November day, so I only collected for about ten minutes. Still, quite the bounty.

Morning Glory Seeds

I’ll separate out the black seeds from the tan casings. Then I need to find something cute to hold them. Hmm, maybe these mesh bags I got from the craft store?

Yes, those are perfect. Now I’ll add a tag so people know what they are getting, and will print directions for planting on the back.

Don’t you agree that these make a great, inexpensive stocking stuffer? Again, my perspective is probably skewed, because I sure wouldn’t mind seeds as a gift.

I’m curious to know if I’m the only one out there who thinks seeds are a thoughtful gift. Let me know what you think. To give you some incentive, let me offer up a gift for you.

Who wants some mystery flower seeds? They are probably Delphiniums, or maybe Bachelor Buttons. I can’t remember. But if you are game, I’ll drop some in the mail to you. Just let me know in the comment section if you’re interested, or drop me a line at lizatheplantlady@gmail.com.

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

Good Monday morning!

What makes a good holiday gift? Everyone has a different answer for that. My sister loves handmade gifts, and I can see why – there are so many good artists out there making adorable items.

I love handmade gifts, too, especially if they’re nature related. Last week I showed you an inexpensive way to use flowering bulbs as holiday gifts.

These bulbs are on track to bloom in mid-December. They are Hyacinth bulbs and Daffodil bulbs. Who wouldn’t want fresh fragrant flowers in the house during the middle of winter?

I put these bulbs in water a week ago, and look at how big the roots are already!

Amazing! I’m going to nurture them and encourage them to grow strong and healthy, then give them away once they’re blooming.

Bulbs don’t need soil – they grow just fine in water.

You can use them as centerpieces for your holiday meals, or as inexpensive gifts for coworkers or friends.

I have some more gift ideas coming up tomorrow.

Now, a blog update: I’m relatively new to the blog world, and it continues to floor me. So many interesting posts. Check out these cool treehouse classrooms at Inhabitat. Wouldn’t that inspire you to learn?

Want to learn more about your food? Check out James and the Giant Corn.

Need a good Monday morning laugh? Martha at Water Roots has cute animal shots today.

I could look at cute pictures of food all day long. Thank you Epicute!

And over at Plants are the Strangest People, there are endless gorgeous photos of plants.

Then there’s the cranes at Operation Migration. (They’re not flying today, bummer.)

If you haven’t already checked out my sister’s site, it’s worth your while. So much adorableness crammed into one place.

Again, I’ll be back tomorrow with some more holiday gift ideas. Until then, here’s another shot of Easter, my Christmas Cactus that’s been blooming since Halloween.

Kay Eiffel: How could you help me? YOU, who never thought about leaping off a building?!

[Stranger than fiction]

Mary: Adults are like this mess of sadness and phobias.

[Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind]

Não foi a minha infância, não foi aquele dia, nem aqueles dias, não foi sequer uma época. Mas foi aquele café, no meio da tarde. Foi o cheiro do café se espalhando pela casa. Foram as mulheres se juntando na sala da frente. Foi o blábláblá. E o silêncio no meio. Foi eu pequenina. Eu e o silêncio. Aquelas tardes, foi só.

These beauties are designed by Burberry.

Long black leather matt and patent leather gloves I wanted for ages. Luckily I found the last pair on one of my trips and snapped them up. Omg they smell so fantastic, the aroma is to die for. Perfect fit too and I can’t wait to wear them soon!!!I want to use them for a few shoots too and videos, so if you have any cool ideas, let me know.As well as on where to find matching boots, meaning thigh high black leather boots in part matt/patent.

xxx Fetish Liza

Welcome back to our Friday edition of Ask the Experts. The absolute best and only plant blog panel of experts on the Internet. We’re pulling out all the stops for you this week. Let’s get started!

High-end graphics

Before we get to this week’s question, I’d like to give a big hearty thank you to my good friend Travis for help with today’s graphics. Check out his super cool store. Thanks Trav!

I’m Liza, I’m the moderator of Friday’s Ask the Experts and the author of this blog. My panel of experts include plant master Tina Quintana, sportswriter EZ Ed Johnson, retired Red Cross volunteer Dottie Correll, and Director of Safety for the New Mexico Dept. of Health Lewis Casey. If you want to know how I know them, click here.

Once again, I’m thrilled to be presenting this week’s edition of Ask the Experts, and thank you to my panel for being here.

Ok, so this week’s question comes to us from Albuquerque. It’s still me, we went over this last week – this blog is too new to get questions from actual readers.

Q: “When is a good time to plant spring blooming bulbs?”

We’re talking about planting bulbs outside. Up first is Expert Tina. Tina?

Tina

A: In the fall or early winter before the ground freezes to grow strong roots. They require a cooling period to initiate flowers for the spring.

Liza

Nice answer, Tina, that totally sounds accurate. Ok, now Ed, the question is “When is a good time to plant spring blooming bulbs?”

Ed

A. Ah, spring. March Madness, spring training. That’s when plants bloom, right?

Liza

Close enough! We’re going to call that one correct because I love March Madness references. Good job, Ed!

Dottie, the question is “When is a good time to plant spring blooming bulbs?”

Dottie

A: Planting bulbs reminds me of creation and new life and that reminds me of my friend “Joe”.  When I lived in Columbus, Ohio, I was a 24 hr. weekend DAT (Disaster Action Team) volunteer for the Red Cross. Many times I was called out at midnight or 2 or 3 in the morning. It was the chapter policy to report to the chapter, pick up a Red Cross vehicle to take it to the scene of the disaster.

My son, Kris, was very concerned about my safety as the chapter was located in a high crime area of town. Two days before Christmas a big box arrived at my home and was left outside — so big that it wouldn’t fit through the door.  My daughter Karen owned the condo next door so she came over and between the two of us we managed to open this huge box on the porch—we “FREAKED”!  STARING BACK AT US WERE THESE BIG BLUE EYES IN A HUGE BODY. –A FULL SIZE MAN IN A BOX!  That was my introduction to the “Safety Man” that my son sent me for protection. Did you know you could buy a full-sized man in a box? I didn’t. My friends at the beauty salon did his hair, my other friends donated clothes and Red Cross gave him a jacket and a hat. I added “shades” and Joe became the chapter mascot and my constant companion on Disaster runs.  He was so natural looking —  Joe rode “shotgun” and kept me safe. That was the beginning of many hilarious, fun and a one time dangerous events, but those stories are for another day.

Liza

Hahahahahahahaha – man in a box! Good story Dottie! Looking forward to hearing more about Joe!

Ok, now on to Lewis. Lewis, “When is a good time to plant spring blooming bulbs?”

Lewis: [Sorry, no graphic yet] Good cooks stay by their stove. During the holidays, more home fires occur because of unattended stoves. Cooking holiday meals burn many a house down. Stay safe.

Liza

Excellent safety tip, Lewis!

Ok, panel, thanks so much for your time. That was great fun. Here in Albuquerque, you can plant bulbs from now until Thanksgiving for spring blooming bulbs. We’ll see you next Friday!

Name That Plant Problem!

Now, last week I asked you to “Name That Plant Problem!” I showed you this picture and asked what was wrong with the plant.

While it does look like the world’s teeniest hummingbird, that is not the answer. The correct answer was from James at James and the Giant Corn, who correctly guessed that the wood panels behind the stem are cabinet doors, and that the stem had been closed in them. Ouch!

Congratulations James! For being the first ever winner of Name That Plant Problem, you receive nothing. We went over this already. Just kidding – there’s glory and my gratitude!

Plant Stumper!

And now I’d like to introduce a new segment called Plant Stumper. This week’s question, “When is an Agave plant not an Agave plant?” Think you know the answer? It’s not Tequila. Leave your guess in the comments section. Do it for the glory! I’ll reveal the answer after next week’s edition of Ask the Experts.

Happy Friday everyone!

]]> http://goodtogrow.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/thursday-plants-101-how-to-repot-a-schefflera/ Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:05:19 +0000 goodtogrow http://goodtogrow.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/thursday-plants-101-how-to-repot-a-schefflera/

Good morning! It’s How-to Thursday. Earlier in the week, I showed you how to prune a Schefflera. Today, I’ll show you how to repot it into a bigger pot.

When should you repot a plant, and how do you know it’s necessary?

To Repot, or Not To Repot?

Well, for one thing, repotting is a lot less necessary than most people think. In my business, Good to Grow, taking care of plants around Albuquerque, people often describe a problem they’ve been having with a houseplant, then tell me their solution was to repot it. Usually, the real problem was a water or light issue.

Repotting a plant serves a few different purposes. One, if you put a houseplant into a bigger pot, it should grow into a bigger houseplant. Also, plants eat their dirt, so repotting is a way to replenish the soil.

What if you have a plant, like my Samantha, that you don’t want to get bigger? She’s already at the ceiling. Plus I can barely lift her pot as it is.

And what about plants like Jades, who bloom when they are rootbound?

The truth is, you’re the best judge of what a houseplant needs. Afterall, you’re its caretaker – it’s 100% dependent on your care. If you don’t want the plant to get bigger, don’t repot it.

Also, in my experience, if a houseplant is showing signs of stress – dropping leaves, leaves changing colors, spindly stems – the last thing you should do is upset it more by repotting it. Repotting is going to be the most stressful event in a houseplant’s lifespan. Think about it – usually she just sits there. Treat it gently, and only repot when you really think it’s necessary.

Good to Grow’s Green Rule of Thumb: Make a diagnosis for the problem before you act on a solution.

Works in regular life, too.

As to the question of when to repot, I like to check with Dr. D. G. Hessayon. In reference to a Schefflera, he says to repot it every two years in the spring. Hmmm. I do respect his opinion, but waiting until spring doesn’t really work for me.

He would admit it’s not an exact science. It’s more about the relationship between you and the plant.

Since I neglected two Scheffleras when they were in the car dealership, I’m determined to make up for it now. It’s November, but they’re going to get repotted, then they’re going to live in the plant hospital until they feel better.

So Schefflera One, let’s call him Louie, is up first. Now, I want to give him a bigger pot, because he’s stuffed into a tiny 10 inch pot.

Unbelievably to me, I have no 14 inch growers pots around the house. I have what seems like thousands of 6 inch pots, but not a single 14 inch. That poses a problem, because it means I don’t have a decent pot big enough for Louie.

What I do have is an abundance of cheap plastic “decorative” containers, also recovered from the car dealership. I can direct plant into one of those, but because it has no holes on the bottom, I use styrofoam for drainage at the bottom of the pot.

Styrofoam is a good way to recycle, because the plants sure don’t seem to care. If you are repotting into a pot with no holes, think lightweight for drainage!

The Repotting

Whether it’s a Schefflera or another common houseplant, repotting basically works the same way. First, remove the grower’s pot, or whatever container it’s in. In this case, I had to cut the pot off because the roots were coming through the bottom.

Now you want to loosen the roots and the soil. This is sometimes not easy, I worked up a sweat with this one.

I go through a lot of nail polish, but it does a nice job of hiding the dirt until I can give my hands a good scrub.

I used my thumb to loosen the lower roots, saying “tickle, tickle, tickle,” as I went along, knowing this was highly traumatic for Louie. The roots were wrapped round and round – I have no idea how long he’s been in that pot, but it’s been awhile.

It’s ok to prune the roots, especially the long scraggly ones. Trim things up, and then the plant is ready for its new pot.

Pour soil into the pot – in Louie’s case, I filled it halfway – then gently place the plant and roots on top of the soil. Then add more soil, pressing down to firm the plant into place.

There. That’s really all there is to it. I’ll make sure he gets a good drink of Superthrive-infused water, and I’ll let him sit outside in the shade for the rest of the day.

Now Schefflera Two, let’s call her Lucy, has a different issue. She’s already in a 14 inch pot, but her roots are growing out the bottom. I don’t want to upgrade her to a 16 inch pot, she’ll be too heavy.

So the plan is to take her out of her pot, clean up the roots and soil, then put her back into the same pot, now also cleaned.

That’s a lot of roots! I trimmed them up some more, then followed the same steps – more soil, push her firmly into place, give her a little water – and voila’.

Houseplants are amazingly resilient. There may be horticulturists out there who are appalled by my simplistic methods. I’m not trying to offend anyone, I’m just trying to prove that caring for houseplants doesn’t need to be complicated. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be.

I’ll show you the progress of these two Scheffleras as they heal in the plant hospital. Once they’re well enough, they may go to live at an office somewhere in Albuquerque. It could be yours!

Tomorrow is our next edition of Ask the Experts – be sure to check back, it promises to be great fun.

Liza Casullo va ser guitarra i veu del grup argentí Doris, banda amb la que va editar tres àlbums: Doris (Ultrapop, 2003), Doyle, la opereta del gaucho drogado (Ultrapop, 2004), i Atchakandá (Ultrapop, 2006). Doris es va disoldre a mitjans del 2007. Ara presenta, per primera vegada a Europa, les cançons del seu primer disc en solitari que va editar al 2002, i que es va titular Ngkeka, més algunes composiciones noves, clar.

Nascuda però a Mèxic DF al 1981 és filla del ja desaparegut Nicolás Casullo, filòsof, investigador, assagista, i mestre. Actualment forma part de la companyia de teatre de Lola Arias que ha estat presentant en les darreres setmanes per Europa l’obra: Mi vida después, on també es responsable de la música. Com a cantautora acaba de participar també en el festival de poesía latinoamericana Latinale de Berlín. En teatre també ha dirigit El enigma desvelado, obra sobre l’escriptora Norah Lange, que interconectava teatre, música i literatura. Aixó seu són unes precioses composicions de pop naïf, amb esperit dadà, amb la seva personal veu lleugera, gairebé angelical que la converteixen en una sensació molt especial. En directe s’atreveix també a versionejar clàssics com: Josephine Baker, John Lennon, o Os Mutantes.
www.myspace.com/lizacasullo
+
Esperit!és el nou alter ego del Dalmau Boada, des de Sant Celoni, molt més conegut com Mau del grup Les Aus, i Zeidun. A primers d’aquest any va d’autoeditar-se un Cd on explora amb un gran respecte el folc tradicional català. El disc inclou una versió de la cançó tradicional catalana: La presó de Lleida.
www.myspace.com/maumusicca

Dimarts 17 de novembre al Niu, Barcelona
A partir de les 20:30 h. Entrada: 5 € amb consumició

També actuarà a,
Dijous 12 de novembre a El Local, Figueres (Girona)
A partir de les 22:30 h.
Entrada lliure
*
Dilluns 16 de novembre al Cafè El Cercle, Girona
A les 22:00 h.
Entrada lliure