So many lizard thoughts to clean up, so little time. Here’s another example as you spring clean your mind.

Lizard thought: Just because you have a lot of clients now doesn’t mean you always will. It won’t be long before your business dries up and you won’t have any.

See how sneaky Blanche is? Even when things are going well, she’ll find a way to try to bring me down. Here’s how I dealt with this one.

1) Is this thought true?

No. The number of clients I have shifts from week to week but business has never dried up. Not even when the economy was awful.

2) Can I absolutely be sure that this thought is true?

Like I said in #1, no.

3). Who am I with this thought that just because business is going well now doesn’t mean it always will?

I feel defeated. I feel like no matter what I do, there will always be something that could go wrong. I feel a sinking feeling in my chest.

4) Who am I without this thought?

I am free, liberated. Enjoying my work and happy about my successes.

Turnaround: Just because you have a lot of clients now doesn’t mean you always will. It won’t be long before your business expands and you have tons of clients.

This could be just as true as my original thought because:

1. Some days I have to put people on a waiting list because I don’t have enough openings.

2. I’m working part-time now but when A. gets older I can see more and more people, meaning that my business will expand.

3. The more people I coach, the more referrals I get and my business could expand this way as well.

4. I’ve hardly done any advertising and still see new people every month. When I learn more about advertising and start marketing my company better, there’s a good chance I’ll continue to expand.

Lizards aren’t very bright. They certainly can’t be trusted to help you celebrate your successes so don’t count on them to. Don’t let your lizard dismiss your accomplishments-work on your lizard thoughts. 

Ever since I became a mom, my lizard has found an entirely new area of my life to ruthlessly critique. In her typical fashion, Blanche has found a number of creative ways to try and convince me that her typical lack and attack fears are true.

Last week, I shared some of my lizard’s fears with you and today I’m going to show you how I’m going to dust them out (because we’re spring cleaning our minds, remember?) The examples I provide for you in my next posts are meant to serve as examples of how you can use Byron Katie’s The Work to clean up your mind as well.

Since Blanche erroneously believes that her fears around my mothering are true, we’ll put up one of her new favorite Tunes O’Terror to inquiry.

Lizard Fear: You are a terrible mother. How could you not have realized he needed his diaper changed? (Or that he was hungry? Or that he was too warm? Or whatever other psychic knowledge Blanche believes I am supposed to automatically have because I gave birth). 

1. Is this thought true? 

Am I terrible mother? Maybe I am. Maybe other moms just instantly know why their babies are crying. 

2. Can I absolutely be sure that this thought is true? 

Can I be sure that I’m a terrible mother? No. I cannot be absolutely sure that I am a terrible mother. 

3. Who am I with this thought? 

Hmmm. Definitely more stressed out. I feel inadequate, insecure and full of self-doubt. I act in an anxious manner which certainly doesn’t help the baby stop crying any faster. 

4. Who am I without this thought? 

I am a mother trying to figure out why her baby is crying. I am calmer. I feel like this is all part of learning to be a mom. Just part of the territory. 

*Turn-around (The opposite of your original thought with evidence). Since my original thought was “I am a terrible mother,” my turn-around thought would be, “I am a great mother.” Some evidence to support this would be:

-I love this kid to pieces. 

-I make sure he has everything he needs, physically and emotionally.

-I’ve reduced my work hours so that I can spend more one-on-one time with him (By the way, this is NOT to insinuate that moms who don’t reduce their work hours are terrible mothers. This just happens to be a sacrifice that I could financially make at this point in time).

-I have read a zillion books and articles on babies so that I am more educated about what my baby needs.  

I could probably list about 100 ways that I am a great mom but you get the point. Once you show the lizard evidence of its opposite thought, it loses power. Its original assertion no longer has the power to make you feel like crap and you can move on with your day feeling much happier and freer.

Now, isn’t it time for you to start dusting off some of your lizard thoughts?  

If you’ve been doing your homework (and I hope you have), by now you’ve identified probably quite a few lizard thoughts. Maybe you’ve been surprised at how often your lizard speaks and how downright terrible your lizard can be. Writing those lizard thoughts down may have been somewhat of a not-so-pleasant revelation.

Well, I have good news for you. Your lizard has the IQ of a reptile. Therefore, with a little guidance, a couple of coaching tools and some practice, you’ll be able to outsmart that cold-blooded conscious in no time.

There are several lizard-thought transforming tools out there but one of my all-time favorites is Byron Katie’s The Work. It’s simple (only 4 questions and a Turn-Around), it doesn’t take that long to do and you can do this anywhere, at any time (as long as you’ve got the 4 questions memorized).

Here’s how it works. First, you identify a lizard thought. Then you put the lizard thought up to ‘inquiry” (which is what Katie calls her 4 questions). Once you’ve asked yourself the 4 questions, you figure out the opposite thought to your original thought and then give some reasons why the opposite thought could be just as true as your original thought. 

The four questions are: 

1. Is this thought true? 

2. Can I be absolutely sure that this thought is true? 

3. Who am I with this thought? (How do I feel, how do I react when I believe this thought is true?)

4. Who would I be without this thought? (If you could no longer think this thought, how would you feel and react?)

*Then, state the opposite of your original thought. 

This week, I’ll be providing you with examples taken from some of my favorite, recent lizard musings. For more information on Byron Katie’s The Work, you can check out her website: thework.com. She also has videos showing people doing inquiry with her, and some free worksheets, too. 

As usual, my lizard-Blanche- is hard at work, trying to convince me that I am a horrible parent, coach and wife (and this all in one hour!) and that my successes won’t last forever. As I promised, here are some of her most recent gems. (You’ll note that she is relentless. ) 

-You are a terrible mother. How could you not have realized he needed his diaper changed? 

-What kind of mother doesn’t realize that the stroller strap is too tight? Seriously, why did you even have children? 

-You really have no excuse not to have a spotless house-I saw all the dust on those bookshelves. Your home should be spotless, since you all do most of the day is stay at home with the baby. Don’t think your husband doesn’t notice. 

-A good wife would have found a way to do the grocery shopping, the accounting AND gotten dinner ready on time. 

-Just because you have a lot of clients now doesn’t mean you always will. It won’t be long before your business dries up and you won’t have any. 

-Should you really have planned that vacation? You should be saving that money. You two are consultants, remember? Steady income now doesn’t mean there will always be steady income. You should be saving every penny. 

-Who takes a six month old baby on a weekend hiking trip to an unfamiliar cabin he’s never been to? Once again, like I’m always saying, you are a terrible parent. 

Have you been noticing your lizard thoughts this week? I sure hope so. Because next week I’m going to teach you some tricks to quiet that lizard and get your power and your confidence back.

An inspiring mentor of mine once wisely advised me that before starting anything, I should put a plan in place to outline and assess how I was going to achieve it. As someone who likes to get started on a new endeavor ASAP (I really don’t have a procrastinating bone in my body), this was always tough advice for me to follow.

When you know you need to get something done, why not just do it?

But, as time and experience have taught me, having a viable plan in place before beginning an activity is a wise move. All things worth achieving usually take some kind of process. Having said that, I’m going to walk you through the first part of How to Spring Clean Your Mind.

The steps I’ll provide for you in the blogs ahead are meant to be approached as a process. You have to do them in the order listed. No skipping around. Each step takes some practice before you can master it and continue to the subsequent step. They are all part of the plan. Keep that in mind and you’ll have a spin-and-span psyche in no time.

Before you can start cleaning up your negative thoughts, you’ve first got to be able to recognize them. Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it?

But it’s a bit harder than it seems. Because we’ve been socially conditioned to believe all of the thoughts that pass through our minds, it’s difficult to begin to notice our thoughts.  Most of the time (if not all of the time), we take our thoughts for granted. Actually, we take our thoughts for truth. Most of us go through life not even realizing that we have a choice as to what thoughts we believe and what thoughts we can reject.

So learning how to first identify your lizard thoughts will take a bit of practice.

{Remember that lizard thoughts are those needlessly self-critical, negative, debilitating thoughts that get in the way of your happiness.}

People spend years practicing different forms of meditation to get to a place where they can train themselves to detach from their thoughts. So no, you won’t be able to do this overnight. Like I said earlier, it’s going to take some practice, patience and persistence.

However, the more you do it, the more it becomes habitual. 

This week, I want you to begin to notice a few of your lizard thoughts. (It is probably not possible to notice them all, ever, no matter how good you get at this activity.) Just try and see if you can recognize a few of them.

Lizard thoughts usually precede a bad feeling. So if you feel stuck in a funk, or if you find yourself in a bad mood, see if you can find the thoughts that triggered the not-so-great feeling. 

Then, just say to yourself-There’s a lizard thought. 

For now, just begin to observe your lizard thoughts. You don’t have to do anything just yet. Just start to notice when one of them pops in your head. Then tell yourself, “That’s my lizard talking” or “There’s my lizard again” or what have you. I often have my clients name their lizards. If you want to do that, go right ahead. Then you can call the lizard out by its name: “There’s Lincoln the Lizard talking.” 

I’ll be practicing this with you and will share my lizard thoughts when I notice them. 

This spring, as you tackle the ubiquitous list of cleaning to-do’s, I’d like to challenge you to another task. I’d like you to spring clean your mind.

Now, I’m not trying to convince you to rid yourself of dirty thoughts (what fun would that be?) But rather, I’d like you to learn, through some discipline and practice, to begin the process of cleaning out those needlessly self-critical, negative and debilitating lizard thoughts. {Not sure who or what your lizard is, exactly? You can read here for more information.}

That’s right. I want you to  scrub your psyche clean of all the thoughts that are holding you back from creating a life you’d love to live.

Why start with thoughts?

Because all of your actions originate from your thoughts. All of your feelings are preceded by your thoughts. Thought-cleansing work is the beginning of conscious change.

Yes, behavior-oriented steps are just as important as thought-work when you’re actively and consciously moving forward. In fact, both are needed in order for someone to make permanent changes. 

But this month, in keeping with the theme of spring, we’re going to just practice cleaning up your mind.

For those of you who’ve had sessions with me, I hope you’ll use the following blog posts as helpful reminders of some of the work you started with me. For those of you who are trying this out for the first time, get ready for some mind-blowing realizations.  Let’s begin… 

If you’ve started to become aware of the self-defeating messages from your lizard, if you’ve begun to identify its “Tunes O’ Terror,” then you’re ready for the next step. You’re ready to put your lizard in its place (which is on a leash), where it can do as little harm as possible.

How does one tame one’s reptile? By proving it wrong. And boy oh boy are there a lot of lizards who need to be proven wrong.

Lizards say ridiculous things. They’ll tell you that no one wants you. They’ll say that you are doomed to a life of rejection.  They’ll point out all of your imperfections, exaggerate your flaws, and relentlessly compare you to people who they perceive are doing better than you in order to point out your inadequacies.

They’ll convince you to stay in crappy relationships. They’ll persuade you to end great relationships. They won’t let you share your vulnerability, they will try to keep you stagnant in your old habits and ways (no matter how destructive) and they will totally freak out if you even start to think about changing.

If you let them run wild, wild they will run until you’re so convinced of your inferiority that you’ll decide love is just not worth the risk. See what I mean? These lizards can do some serious damage. And they can be a tricky. Just when you think you’ve got yours under control, it will find another way to sneak in with another tactic to keep you stuck. (By the way, feeling stuck is almost ALWAYS a lizard issue). I would be remiss if I did not say that taming a lizard requires a great deal of self-awareness.

And not only that. Taming your lizard also requires you to be aware of the implied meaning behind its negative messages. Therein is the way you prove the lizard wrong.

Let’s say, for example, that your lizard tells you that you’ll be rejected by the next person you’re interested in and that person really does reject you. You may be tempted to claim that the lizard was right all along. But if you look at this situation closely, you’ll realize that you’re not upset so much about the rejection as you are about what you’re making that rejection mean.

What are you making that rejection mean about you? Let your lizard answer that question and then you’ll have the story you need to disprove.

What Buddha said, and what I’ve found to be true through my own experience, is that it’s not reality that causes us suffering. It’s the stories we tell ourselves about reality. It’s not the events of life that hurt us; it’s the meaning we assign to these events. Here, listen to this lizard stuff:

The person I loved doesn’t want to be with me which means there’s something wrong with me.

My marriage ended which must mean I’m a failure.

The woman I have a huge crush on doesn’t reciprocate my feelings which means I’m a loser.

The love of my life fell in love with my best friend which means she’s better than me.

I haven’t been on a good date in years which must mean I’m deeply flawed.

The “one” I prayed for to come into my life is now gone which means God has abandoned me.

This is the stuff we need to disprove. These are the painful thoughts and beliefs that keep hurting us. These are the destructive stories that keep us very, very far away from love.

Remember, these thoughts are products of a part of our brains scientists call “the reptilian brain.” I don’t know about you, but I’d rather my thinking be associated with something more sophisticated than a reptile’s.

So when the lizard pipes in with its stuff, it is up to us to challenge the validity of its statements. Put these lizard thoughts up against the clarity of truth and suddenly the lizard loses its power. Once you get the hang of this process, you’ll start to find that the lizard thoughts are incredibly funny. Yes, that’s right. After some practice, you’ll start laughing at the lizard because the wiser part of you will recognize the truth. This, my friends, is how we evolve.

Questioning lizard thoughts is pretty simple. All you need to do is ask yourself 4 questions and turn around your original thought. (You can thank the enlightened Byron Katie for these questions and visit her website for more information on how to do “The Work”). Here are the 4 questions:

1. Is that true?

2. Can I absolutely know that this is true?

3. Who am I with this thought? How do I react when I think this thought is true?

4. Who would I be without this thought?

Then the Turnaround (where you state the opposite of your original thought).

In the weeks to come, I’ll show you how you can question your lizard thoughts and turn them around to truth.  Some of my clients have even given me permission to share their lizard thoughts with you, so that you can see how this process works with some of the most common fears we all have about ourselves.

There is a lot of love waiting for you in the world. And all you have to do is get your lizard out of the way so that you can have it.