It took some effort a will of steel to get my a** off my cozy bed and get ready for a 6:30 am Tai Chi class at Lalbagh… that was my first class! After that there has been no looking back at all…

Each morning begins with the greeting of cool breeze of trees in Lalbagh, and the touch of warm sun’ rays… with the practise of harnessing the hidden martial powers…

And if you are a part of our kickboxing classes or have interacted with Ashwin, you just cannot help but get hooked to his addictive enthusiasm for Tai Chi.

An art, which so far has been highly underrated and misjudged… I was pleasantly surprised when Ashwin, threw people 3-4 times his size and weight all over the place… with a seemingly simple move… and with practically no effort… it seemed easier and more powerful than even jujutsu!

Tai Chi, is all about the forms and weight-shifting, effortlessly… each move seems easy, yet is very technical and is a covert lock or throw. When I first saw Tai Chi, I was reminded of a dance, then I realised, it is a dance but a very deadly one.

Not only does it help you develop a strong internal power, your movements start becoming more defined and accurate in a fight… each strike, lock becomes more subtle and smooth.

So, what is so special about Tai Chi in Lalbagh… well, the canopy of trees overhead seem to guide your every move. It is probably one of the most mystical feelings I have ever had… the soothing breeze, and energy from the trees, or chi so to say from the trees… give the whole practise a very surreal experience.

For a change, I have understood what patience and slowing down means, and it is not necessarily a bad idea either!

I realised there is no other better way to start a day… I might be groggy in the beginning, but by the end of my session, I more alert and relaxed… not to mention more productive than the days I miss the Lalbagh Tai Chi sessions.

Last Thursday marked the time I was scheduled to get my hair redone. Not doing anything to my hair for a month was a trial for many reasons. I didn’t have but so many rules to follow. In actuality, I only had two:

Rule #1: Don’t get it wet!

An umbrella and a shower cap would be all I’d need to keep to this rule, so I thought. The shower part, I had covered. I even wore two to be sure. The rain was another story. Well, rain doesn’t always fall straight down. Lo and behold, sometimes it rains at an angle. (That reminds me of an episode of Family Guy where Ollie Williams makes a similar observation.)

My own personal observation: all wetness doesn’t come from the outside! I caught a cold, which is typical since I work with kids. I hadn’t bargained the profuse sweating that happened as my body tried to rid itself of the thing! The whole back of my hair came out! This actually brings me to the second rule I was to follow. This happened not once, but twice.

Rule #2: Re-twist to the left

This I knew I couldn’t screw up. I have a pretty firm grasp of my left from my right. Sadly, I came to discover that I have a pretty firm grasp of my left from my right only when not under the influence of Theraflu and Sudafed. In trying to save my unraveling hair, it became more of a disaster. I didnt know what to do. The faster I twisted, using the Jane Carter stuff, the faster it came out. It was then I realized I was twisting to the right and completely undoing what was left of the slight hint of twists in the back. I will now make a confession: I cheated. The locs wouldn’t stay, so I broke out some extra hold spritz. Spritz shows no mercy, and I was in a desperate place.

So when I got to Miss Pam’s house after work Thursday night, I expected for her to say, “What have you done to your hair?!” To my surprise, she didn’t. She was actually impressed, saying that it looked a lot better than she’d even hoped. Now that, I didn’t know how to take.

I’d bought more Jane Carter Solution products for the occasion: locking spray, shampoo, and conditioner. She washed it, re-twisted it, and put a million clips on it again. Amazingly, this all took about four hours, which was much faster than the last time. I looked at it after she washed it and just knew I was going to be there all night. I still don’t understand how she made her way through what I thought was a tangled disaster area. She cut a good amount of the relaxer out this time too. I was a big girl and didn’t complain about it. It had to be done. I don’t even know why I almost cared. I’m used to my hair being short. I’ve had it cut much shorter than it is now (yes, even with my big head).

Want to see how the night unfolded?

A US man appears in court in Massachusetts accused of locking his two sons in his car boot while he went shopping…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: online clothes shopping. The blog is also related to: shopping centers.

I used to think that I would never interlock for two reasons: (1) I thought it took much time (2) I was native to only palm-rolling. It appeared interesting and tempting at the same time. Why? Because you didn’t have to worry about your locs unraveling at the root….or at all, for that matter. However, I did not want to worry about the texture of my locs changing or run the risk having little bumpy knots from inaccurately interlocking. So why the change of heart you ask? Well, I shall tell you why (very short story, actually). One afternoon, I was riding back from another county with a couple of coworkers. While they were yacking on their phones, the slightly irritable-from-hunger My4tress needed something to dwindle time away while she waited for the stoplight to change for the turning lane in 5 o’clock traffic (instead of twiddling my thumbs).  I subconsciously started playing with my locs of course. Next thing you know, I was weaving the root (interlocking) the back locs. They’re usually the ones to unravel at the root much quicker than the rest of my locs. As I felt for what I’ve done, I realized that I did it pretty well; no lumpy knots. I rolled the loc in one direction to see how it would’ve looked/felt if I palm-rolled the interlocked part later. No difference. Hmm! I was quite pleased. So I learned that if you do not interlock too tightly and not in the same direction, you have a nice result that will not change even if you palm roll later. You want to interlock as closely as possible to the already locked part of your locs. However, if you did it incorrectly, you will end of with:

(1) separated roots

(2) if palm-rolled, a twisted part

(3) a hole in the middle of your loc.  (I put a q-tip inside of the hole so you could identify it easier.)

FYI: Interlocking becomes addictive when your hands are idle or if you don’t have nothing to do (lol) and doesn’t take as long as you think.

Next thing you know, all of my locs have been interlocked. So, I washed my hair just last week expected to roll some roots, when I looked at the mirror and barely saw any puffiness (a sign of a root(s) needing retwisting). That saved me a lot of time.

(I’m going to try to do a vid on interlocking; however, letting you know now that I’m not an expert interlocker, lol.)

::ZinGZanGZunG presents::

for more informations click  HERE  happy shopping and lot of greetings, zyma 

::ZinGZanGZunG presents::

und noch einmal hallooo an alle vorbeiklicker und SLfashionliebhaber kennt ihr plurk? ich hab mich da vor 2 tagen eingeschrieben und auch wenn ich noch absolut keine ahnung habe, wie ich da was machen soll, macht es riesig spass. man trifft leute die man bereits aus SL kennt und lernt neue dazu. wer also mal vorbei schauen will, kann das unter www.plurk.com

und hier noch ein kleines photoshopexperiment…heute: das ZETT in weiss

• skin. REDGRAVE
• haare/hair. SyDS
• shape. SERGG
• schmuck/jewellery. Sigma
• gun. AMOK
• outfit. Convoitise
  
• boots. BAX

Brushing your hair:

• Brush through twice a day with a soft bristled brush.
• When brushing hair, please start from the bottom and work your way up little by little, holding your hair with the other hand near the roots.

• Do not comb hair from the top down as it may pull.
• Respect your roots; NEVER comb your hair from the roots.
• Detangling on your terms- Make your own detangling spray with sulfate free conditioner.  Simply mix 1-part conditioner with 2-parts water in a spray bottle and apply to the extension hair each morning.  Be sure to finger comb your hair before using a comb or brush.

Washing:

• Wash with a sulfate free regimen.
• Wash as you need to, frequent shampooing may damage even the best extension hair. (Less shampooing will also help prolong your color).
• Shampoo in warmer to cooler water rather than hot water.
• Keep the hair clean, when dirt accumulates (including sweat) hair tangles.
• Use good quality moisturizing hair products but avoid heavier conditioners at the root or around the bonds (will cause slipping).
• When in the shower, take the time to run your fingers through your hair to work out any knotting at the root area.
• Avoid oil slicks.

LONG HAIR TIP: use a regular conditioner at the root and a deeper conditioner at the ends of the hair to balance out the porosity.

Sleeping and Activities:

• Tie hair back when sleeping to prevent pulling and tangling
• Try to sleep on a satin pillowcase or wrap head in a satin scarf to avoid tangling.

Maintaining style:

• Hair applied is 100% human Remy hair so styles away just keep heat away from bonds as it could cause melting.
• When blow-drying hold the dryer about 12” away from your head and sweep the entire head rather than focused heat.
• When blow-drying use a cooler temperature when drying root areas.

Dos and Don’ts:

• Do not use hot tubs or saunas as this can break down bonds.
• Do not use heat on bonds
• Do use a cool temperature hair dryer.
• Do not go to bed with wet hair.
• Do tie your hair back in a braid when sleeping or being active.
• Do use a satin pillowcase.
• DO wear a tight swim cap when swimming; swimming in heavily chlorinated water with fusion extensions can weaken the bond.
• Do not pull or pick at your bonds.
• Do your regular maintenance check (recommended every 6 weeks).

For tips on caring for long hair click here.

Going through the Panama Canal ion a cruise ship is fascinating.   This is a lock where water entered to raise the ship, the MS Oosterdam, up one level to prepare it for entrance into the lake, which is above sea level on it’s way from the Atlantic to Pacific Ocean.

You really can’t feel the boat rising, but you can see it. It looks like as if a ship is rising from under the ground. If there was one word to describe it, I’d say that word would be elevator. The canal works like an elevator, except instead of being pulled up or down, you’re pushed up and down by the water entering and leaving the locks.

It really is one of the world’s greatest technological marvels.

Got locked INSIDE of my apartment today.

yes, inside.

I recently purchased the Motorola Droid from Verizon, and am so far very happy with it.  Other than finding the physical keyboard a bit lacking from being extremely spoiled by the Sidekick’s physical keyboard to which no other physical keyboard could ever hope to live up to, I’ve really had no complaints with the device or the Android 2.0 operating system that runs on it.  I have however, noticed that touch-screen smart-phone unlock screens (not just the Droid’s) are getting progressively less secure.

The problem with smart-phones with touch screens is that they suffer from a similar attack that physical keypad entry systems do; there is a physical remnant that can indicate the digits used in the entry code.  Physical keypads can have their keys worn down over time, so that if a common code is used, it is eventually apparent which keys are more used than others.  Smart-phones with touch screens suffer from a less permanent version of this, being skin oil left on the screen in the form of fingerprints.

A colleague here at work has an iPhone.  His unlock screen uses a number pad, and you enter in a PIN number to unlock it.  As you touch the screen to enter the PIN, your fingers will leave fingerprints on the digits that are contained in the PIN.  Because the digit button locations are static, even with other use of the touch-screen, over time you end up with little clusters of fingerprints on the screen indicating the digits used, which drastically shorten the search time of a brute force attack on the PIN if the user isn’t diligent about wiping down the touch screen periodically.

A friend of mine also has an iPhone, however she uses a different screen locking app, which instead of digits just presents the user with a grid of buttons, and the key to unlocking is to press these buttons in a specific pattern.  This is slightly less secure than the PIN method, as there are no values to the buttons, only their location, which essentially requires that the locations pressed on the screen remain static.  The PIN method could be made more secure in a number of ways, however this method cannot.

The default screen locking method for the Droid is even less secure, as instead of pressing a pattern, it has the same grid of buttons as the last method I described, but has you draw a pattern across the screen linking the buttons in a sequence.  Where before you only divulged the digits contained in the PIN or sequence pattern via individual fingerprints, in this case you leave a nice long smear of skin oil across your screen, not only indicating the button locations used in the sequence, but their order.  At this point you really only have two options to try in your brute force, the sequence starting from one end of the smear or the other.  Guess how long it takes to get that one correct.

Needless to say, I tend to wipe my phone’s touch-screen quite frequently.  Why hasn’t anyone implemented a lock screen that uses a technique like this one?

Our building, like many others, has a code lock at the main entrance. This is good: assuming one comes home before 8 pm, there’s no need to take off one’s gloves and look for one’s keys, fingers freezing. No, just punch in the code and enter. Brilliant, isn’t it?

Wrong. Nevermind the fact that I quite often come home after 8 pm when the lock no longer works anyway. What bothers me is the attitude. Acting all high and mighty and fickle; oh the inconstancy! It usually takes me more than one attempt at the numbers to get in – and I know the right combination! And I keep punching in the same combination! I haven’t given up – I refuse to give up in front of this inanimate authority – but I’ve began to approach the door with something akin to trepidation.

Sometimes it still works. When I came back from my run yesterday there were a few neighbours close by, and in their presence, magically, once was enough; I was admitted in after just four goes at the number keys. Returning home again later was a different story, though. I actually thought I’d have to just get the key, or that surely the combination must be wrong, or that I’m quite simply going a bit bananas (I do eat a lot of them, after all, and a lot of nuts as well). I lost count, but definitely it took me more than ten attempts until I finally got in – more like fifteen. That’s a long time to be standing at the door wondering whether you’ve become a bit demented, trying to change the rhythm and the speed of the punches, and the pressure, and the interval between attempts, and yes, it does seem awfully silly now that I’m safely at home.

The curious thing is that I haven’t even considered phoning the company that’s supposedly taking care of the building. I figured that if other people were having problems, too, someone would already have done that. It’s probably just me, I thought. But then I went to visit someone yesterday and they had a code lock too and it didn’t have any trouble letting me in, so now I wonder whether there is, actually, something wrong with the lock after all. But maybe just a few more attempts, and perhaps I should start a spreadsheet or something, collecting data on how the lock works or works not…pigheaded, who, me? (Or just plain bonkers. And not very comfortable talking to strangers.)

Hyvää isänpäivää!

Yippieh, finally almost all of my latest yarns and fibers have made it off the wool rack! Handspun & handpainted extra soft merino slub yarns (= thick and thin yarns), handpainted fine wensleydale fleece locks for all feltmakers, handspinners and dollmakers, and ultra soft handpainted merino-silk rovings, all now out and displayed in my ebayUK store. Here they are in all their splendor:

And this new yarn beauty is called “INDIAN SUMMER” and is now displayed in my Etsy store )

There are some more rovings and also a new set of custom made felt strings that I haven’t taken any photos of yet, but I will display them in my next blog. Until then, everyone have a very find autumn season!!!!

10 Honorees Receive Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao’s New Freedom Initiative Award Award Recognizes Achievements On Behalf Of People With Disabilities – Press Release of the Office of Disability Employment Policy. Barriers to USA employment being addressed.

Accessibility in Windows 7 « Microsoft

Affordable Assistive Technology Solutions on TechConnect

Blind people are better at finding their way : Neurophilosophy

Braille Literacy: An Early Disability Rights Activist Discusses the Paving of the Path

China Launches First Barrier-free E-commerce Website For Blind And Elderly – ChinaTechNews.com

Crossing the RSS Divide – making it simpler and compelling « As Your World Changes – get to grips with news feeds and podcasts.

Descriptive Audio Brings Disney Attractions to Life for the Blind

Disabled access to websites under UK law | OUT-LAW.COM by Pinsent Masons LLP

FCC to hold hearing at Gallaudet, Marlee Matlin to participate – The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) will hold a field hearing at Gallaudet on disabilities access issues as part of its effort to gather information from experts and consumers for the development of a National Broadband Plan.

Invitation to participate in a Google usability study – your chance to participate in a survey.

iTunes 9.0.2 Notes Accessibility Improvements– The Mac-cessibility Network – News [Lioncourt.com]

Knock Detecting Lock Transforms Your Door Into A Pattern Sensitive Surface, Opens With Secret Knock » ZiggyTek – includes a kewl instructional video, it says here.

MacSpeech Dictate Receives Update to V1.5.6– The Mac-cessibility Network – News [Lioncourt.com]

Orca – GNOME Live! – screen reader/magnifier for Linux. Instructions and downloads here.

Persons with disabilities demand access to computer education – better life awaits Nigerians who have this education, summit hears.

Social Media for Seniors — Lessons Learned « As Your World Changes

Super Talent Gives Super Speed in Super Small Package » ZiggyTek » Blog – is this the first USB version 3 drive?

Teaching Blind Children to Navigate

The New York Times Addresses Accessibility in Its iPhone App– The Mac-cessibility Network – News [Lioncourt.com] – some apps have become inaccessible in recent updates, but not this one.

Top Tech Tidbits for Thursday, Issue #233, Tuesday, November 03, 2009 – always topical and useful, so why not subscribe to the
RSS Feed?

Ubuntu: the complete beginner’s guide – Times Online

VMWare Fusion 3 Maintains Accessibility– The Mac-cessibility Network – News [Lioncourt.com] – desktop virtualisation on the Mac stays accessible.

WebAIM Screen Reader Survey Shows VoiceOver Gains but Downplays Flash Access Issues (Updated)– The Mac-cessibility Network – News [Lioncourt.com]

Wellness Checkpoint Health Risk Assessment Certified by CNIBs Accessibility Program – important that health management devices are accessible to wide range, says Canadian blindness organisation.

All my newly spun and painted yarns and fibres are still not ready to come off the drying board, BUT I have already finished half of the human hair custom yarn, which has come out very lovely, I am quite pleased with the result:

And because I have nothing else to show on my blog right now, I took my camera with me today when I went out for a walk with Sam. The forests and fields look so lovely  now with all their autumn colours, this season is so marvelous indeed!!  I hope you will enjoy my autumn impressions:

These three fellows here are beautiful Heischnucke sheep, and I have already told the one with the black fleece that I would very much like to have his fleece next spring when he won’t need it anymore… ;o)

Je sais, il n’y a pas besoin d’occasion particulière pour manger un gâteau et une créativité débordante peut vous conduire à passer des journées entières à préparer une douceur sucrée au design audacieux. Mais lorsqu’il s’agit d’un gâteau d’anniversaire, il faut bien marquer le coup alors plus question de moules ordinaires et de formes classiques, place à la véritable sculpture en chocolat. Si vous avez prévu de fêter votre année supplémentaire dans les prochaines semaines et que vous êtes à court d’idées, voici 5 gâteaux qui vont rendre votre anniversaire inoubliable. En bien ou en mal d’ailleurs.

5. Le crâne en chocolat. Pour les pseudos intellectuels qui veulent citer du Hamlet sous prétexte que vous vieillissez, pour les emos qui veulent impressionner leurs potes suicidaires sur Facebook, ou pour un bon repas de famille le jour de la Toussaint.

4. Le gâteau T-Mobile. Pour les fans de communication, pour le patron de T-Mobile en personne ou pour ceux qui veulent se faire payer leur soirée d’anniversaire par un sponsor peu scrupuleux.

3. Le bras arraché. Pour les médecins légistes, pour les fans de Dexter et pour les potes jaloux du mec qui a fêté son anniversaire avec le crâne en chocolat, et qui ont voulu aller encore plus loin.

2. Dark Vador et un Stormtrooper. Pour ceux qui ne sont pas lassés de voir que Vador et son fidèle soldat sont toujours mis en avant ensemble, pour ceux qui cassent du trekkie chaque weekend et pour les nerds en puissance d’à peine 5 ans.

1. La tête de Lil Wayne. En l’occurrence pour Ireland, la fille de Kim Basinger et Alec Baldwin, pour les fans de réglisses qui n’ont pas peur d’avoir un cheveux sur la langue et pour les nombreux fils de Wayne qui viendront lui souhaiter Joyeux Anniversaire au parloir.

By Cassie Turner

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Published: Sunday, November 1, 2009

Updated: Sunday, November 1, 2009

Emre Kelly

Audience members rose to their feet and exploded with applause when UCF junior Michael Newman accepted the title of Mr. UCF 2010, beating out nine other contestants in the annual scholarship pageant.

Students watched as 10 students dressed as zombies took the stage in the Pegasus Ballroom in the Student Union  on Friday as they danced to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

Newman, who won the judges’  favor and the audience popular vote, took home over $2,000 in scholarship awards courtesy of Student Government Association and the UCF Alumni Association. He said his main objective as Mr. UCF this year would be to spread awareness.

“I carry the world on my backpack,” Newman said as he performed a poem he found online called The Renditions of a Homeless Man for the talent competition. Newman dressed in layers of jackets and carried a sign that read: “Hungry any spare change helps please.”

“Students a lot of times feel disconnected from the community around us. Two miles down the road there are people that are homeless,” Newman said. “There are a lot of people that stay within the circle at UCF because they don’t really understand or realize what’s going on around us.”

Newman said during his interview that he wants to bridge that gap between the community, students and faculty, which he believes is part of the UCF Creed.

Newman is currently an ambassador on the President’s Leadership Council, the community service chair of the Alpha Epsilon Pi fraternity and a member of the Student Sustainability Alliance. 

The pageant winner was not the only student heavily involved in campus and community activities vying for a shot at the Mr. UCF title. Spectacular Knight and Campus Activities Board Director Samantha Nemeroff said 15 students auditioned for the event, but only ten competed in the pageant.

“They represented UCF in a great way,” Nemeroff said. “They are all very involved in the school and the community. Their talents were impressive, too.”

Jonathan Parker sang the bluesy Porgy & Bess classic “Summertime.” Matthew Miller, clad in a glitter jacket and rhinestone glove, moonwalked to a version of “Billy Jean” by Michael Jackson. Marcus Williams dressed in a red and white checkerboard shirt, and performed a hip-hop line dancing routine to a music mix. James Jarman broke out the red vinyl records and turntables, scratched and spun a house and Latin mix. 

Tyson Nales, Mr. UCF 2009, and Dasha Gonzalez, Miss UCF 2010,  hosted the pageant with a panel of five judges. The bulk of the contestants’ scores came from the talent competition followed by their audition interview, formal wear, beachwear and a final on-stage question.

The scholarship pageant began in 1989 and benefits both students and the community. Sidney Porter, Sunshine Princess and Lake Highland student, donated a midback ponytail of hair to Locks of Love and the audience favorite vote raised $920 for Children’s Miracle Network.

SGA provided scholarship awards of $400 to the third runner-up, Warren Jackson, $650 to second runner-up, James Jarman, and $1,000 to first runner-up, Marcus Williams.

Additionally, Jonathan Parker won $500 in awards for nonfinalist best interview and top ad sales. David Cohn won $350 for nonfinalist best talent and David Yu won Mr. Congeniality and $150.

The pageant is open to all full-time male undergraduate and graduate students who hold a minimum 2.5 GPA.

Nemeroff said she can relax for a week before she begins planning for the Miss UCF pageant, with 25 girls set to compete for the title on Feb. 6, 2010. 

UCFnews: Michael Newman crowned Mr. UCF: http://bit.ly/1×2pjS http://bit.ly/1WvEkf

17-8 overall.
This is a pretty tough week, only the strong survive.
7 of 13 spreads are within 4 points, and the rest at least a 10 point difference.
Big disparity.

CHI -13 vs CLE
NYG -1.5 vs PHI
MIA @ NYJ OVER 40.5

Keep an eye on: IND -12.5, MIN/GB >47.5, SEA/DAL >46, ARI -10

If were to pick a real upset, it would be…Seattle over Dallas. Both teams are overrated, anything can happen.

Let us get something straight from the off: waste cannot mean everything nor can it mean something in particular. Waste is said to be both a category that carries great linguistic precision and a nebulous catchall term that is the destiny of the world.  We need to treat these odd contradictions not as obstacles to our investigation, nor or as a riddle to be solved, but as the guiding principles of our enquiry. Throughout the course of this thesis I will elaborate a reading of how waste, time and narrative interact with one another. In this regard, I cannot say anything about waste in and of itself. My thesis argues that we should understand waste differently, but not in order to make waste differently. It is not, in that respect, an intervention into the ongoing debate among environmentalists, scientists, politicians, and so on, that tries to reformulate how we manage waste and the effects it produces. This thesis describes how waste is effective through time and the labour of description that it demands, intervening in a way closer to the substance of philosophy than the substance of the ozone layer. This does not make my work ‘impractical’ or out of touch with the ‘real world’; it simply makes it sensitive to what waste is and how it is understood through time.

We must view waste in conjunction to these ideas of narrative and temporality because waste is rarely free of their influence and, in the same way, time and narrative can rarely be said to exist without the exhaustion of things that appear to articulate an existence. This trinity – narrative, time, waste – is by no means an exhaustive or mobile ‘framework’ by which to regard waste anew. Waste can never be new; it can only be a return or felt to be a return of something familiar. Long has waste been thought an effect of time and narrative – as a thing produced by one or the other – but rarely has it been considered a mediatory effect of time and narrative, transforming all three themes by the things they affect. These distinctions are subtle but important ones and we will try our best not to lose sight of their implications.

Whilst others have made mention of time and the methods we use to describe objects, often in the service of some immensely grand and complicated claims, they rarely enquire into the objects of narrative itself. I am not interested in trying to approach the subject of waste to improve their methods, nor am I interested in reducing everything to words to make the task easier. Rather, my aim is to show how the way that waste has been discussed reflects the insufficient notions of time and narrative that have been deployed to render waste equally insufficient. We think of waste as a lowly and disreputable thing, as ‘mere’ rubbish, not because that is what it is but because we cannot think of it through a conception of time, or a conception of narrative, that does not seem to exhaust its potential. By rendering waste objects shallow intermediaries for a whole host of other notions or ideas – sadness, decay, value, wealth, intelligence, fertility, etc – waste objects are made to be passive vectors in the service of other more ‘important’ things. We have, in the words of Bruno Latour, confused matters of fact with matters of concern, ignoring the acts of mediation that waste, narrative, and time require to be active. In short, description often gets the better of that which orientates, motivates and articulates things – i.e. things themselves. In this analysis, waste objects are things that make certain kinds of narratives possible, whilst showing how time might mediate that possibility.

I will elaborate a reading of objects, temporality and narrative that will leave waste both something and nothing. For this reason, my invocation of what ‘waste’ might actually be will, at times, appear a cheap conjuring trick – a term that is neither grounded nor entirely airborne. But I do so only to demonstrate the lengths to which humans will go in order to make waste mean a magical death, a false end, a thing that can be everything and nothing; in short, an end that is a beginning. Above all, we must explore how this is a contradiction that puts the image of waste to work.

If we can sum up this thesis in a few words it would read something like this: waste is a function and image of time that gets transcribed through narrative. What this image is taken to represent requires some elaborate techniques that have developed over the course of time. That these techniques gather together descriptions, and these descriptions seem to time up, hasten its progress in a negentropic, retentive way, helps us know what waste is and what waste can mean. Time is neither lamina, nor indeed, a fluid. If it flows at all (and it doesn’t) it does not flow like a river.  But narrative techniques – such as the sculptural, literary, and architectural techniques described later in my analysis – affect a hold up. If we could employ an inadequate metaphor for this temporal effect, we might say that these narratives behave like the locks of a canal. They raise the surface of time up and down, managing its movements in all directions. These canal-like techniques are neither consistent, nor do they operate within any great or overarching plan (i.e. a systematic and specifically distributed network of canals). No, the canal is a chaos built by everything and built by everyone. The locks too have their part in this chaos but they have the peculiar effect of holding time up, making its turbulent and iridescent effects knowable or scripted. The locks too have their chaos, they are not separate from time but try and manage its turbulence and make this articulate through inscription. Without the infrastructure of narrative encounters we would never know who or what has been, and what might be expected to arrive.

I set out to describe one species of object that is carried by time’s movements through the canals that are without a reliable form, place or time of their own. I call these objects ‘waste’ because, prior to entering the particular lock under consideration, we recognise the object as having entered countless other locks; it shows us the signs of a temporal multiplicity. Waste has been elsewhere: within time, place and the locks required to make these times and places knowable. What are these things that so powerfully communicate this tardy, obsolescent, yet contemporary feeling? They are objects of waste, from other times and other places, gathered upon the surface of time. Can we fish these objects out and hold them up into the light of analysis? Perhaps. But not without reminding ourselves that we too are things among things, caught in a time that is not wholly our own. These modes of analysis give us a quiet reminder that we do not stand apart from the canal like doleful shire horses, waiting to tow things through time. No, we are bobbing about in this temporal stuff too, as waving, drowning, thinking things.

Not having enough sleep can be dangerous for your health. (For other stories about sleep and the lack thereof, check out this episode of This American Life)

This is what I’ve learned from working at SNAP, and now I’m doing fireman’s shifts just to stay awake long enough.

Our story for today begins with me waking up on Sunday morning last, still slightly numb from getting out of bed only 25 minutes before church started. Everyone else was sashaying about the kitchen in wonderfully bright moods, while I was resentfully mulling over why the cinnamon in Cinnamon Toast Crunch can’t just stay on the cereal.

I was in my plaid flannel pajamas. Everyone else was in church clothes. My hair was sticking up in imaginative tufts. They were groomed. Things were not looking well.

Despite all that, I managed to leave on time. Listening to some Coldplay in the car helped, but it also led to the catastrophe of the morning.

When I got to church, I parked, checked my appearance, got out, and walked inside.

It was during the first song when I realized that I had probably locked my keys in the car.

Went back outside. My keys, and the Lego stormtrooper keychain that hangs from them, were still in the ignition. Door locked. Not good. Went back inside.

I went up to my friend Eli, who was busy arranging the PowerPoint slides for the music in ways that left a lot of room for artistic interpretation. I succeeded in distracting him, to everyone’s relief.

“Hey Eli,” I whispered, kneeling next to him. “You wouldn’t happen to have a coat hanger in your truck, would you?”

(I routinely go to Eli on the sorts of situations that would require interesting application of duct tape or high amounts of things that go bang. He’s kinda like our resident Mythbusters man.)

“I don’t think so,” he said, seeming to take mental inventory of the contents of his truck after he had gotten done snickering. “I’ve got my tool kit in there though, if you want it.”

I declined his offer. We’d have a crater in the parking lot if I tried to use anything from Eli’s tool kit.

I had several options at this moment. The easiest was to find a brick. Slightly more tricky was the whole coat hanger deal. I found one in the back of the truck, and starting jimmying the lock mechanism. I don’t think I got close to it, but I somehow managed to turn on the windshield wipers. I tossed that aside, and realized that I had another option.

I went looking for Buddy. I remember hearing some good snippets of the sermon throughout all this. I found him sitting in the next-to-last row, so I leaned over somebody and gave him a poke.

“What?”

“I need to borrow the truck.”

“What for?”

“Because I took the added precaution of locking mine in my car this morning.”

“So?”

“I’ve got a spare back at the house. (I thought)”

“Okay, sure, take the truck.”

So I skipped out of there, realized I needed a house key, went back and got his, drove the truck back to the house, got my spare set, and went back. I thought maybe, just maybe I could make the last song.

But: by the time I got there, the cars were streaming out like rats from a sinking ship. They just couldn’t wait for me.

The door unlocked, I got my keys out. And that was my Sunday morning.