=> Also, quick shout out to the resounding two people who have viewed this blog since I started it, thank you, I hope this thing has some meaning to people other than myself <otherwise what’s the point, really?> . Please feel free to comment.

=> So. Lokean: One who observes Loki as their patron god. Rokkatru: Worship of the third Norse pantheon of deities, those of the underworld and shadow. <jotuns, primarily>

=> To me, worshiping you lord Loki, is not about good v. evil. I don’t think that way, because life consists of too much grey area to say that things are always in black and white. People say I am delusional, and that worship of the Rokkr will lead to displeasing the All- Father. As you are His blood brother, and all the Rokkr are accepted, I find it hard to believe that my soul is in danger. If I am going astray from the path I am meant to follow, someone will let me know, not least of all, You. You are not evil to me. You convey very deep and very difficult wisdom, and for that I am grateful. Evil? No. People are too caught up in the Christian mythos <no offense people, most of my friends and family are devoted Christians>. For instance, everyone says that Judas was evil. Okay, he did some bad shit. You know, he sold out Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Maybe that was planned? Maybe the ALL KNOWING GOD of Christianity knew this and told his son about it. Hmmm? If Judas hadn’t done that, Jesus would not have died for your sins. You would still be doing animal sacrifice in atonement <and yes you did that, remember Cain and Abel?>. How evil is Judas now?

=> I have noticed that reverence of you has led me to reverence of your children, and also, that you are often called on in desperation by Asatruar and Vanatruar when their other attempts have failed.  I would like to believe my lord that you do not turn away from those who do not run from you. In some circles, the moment your name is spoken aloud, the room goes quiet and people start leaving. Foolishness.  I found this link, and I agree with each of these principles. As a matter of fact, when I have my own children, I will teach them these.

http://www.northernpaganism.org/rokkatru/rokkatru-ethics.html

=> These are the 13 Rokkatruar ethics, copied directly from the source, they DO NOT belong to me.

Hela’s Rule: Vision. Death takes the long view of all things, and so we strive to value far-seeing over temporary difficulties. Ask yourself: Will this matter in a year? Five years? Ten? After I am dead? Think ahead before you react, before you speak. Learn not to take things personally; people often react from their damage, and everything blows over in time.

Loki’s Rule: Self-Knowledge. No matter what you say to others, be it truth or lie, never lie to yourself. Know yourself excruciatingly well, even the ugly parts, and always be honest with yourself first. When you speak the truth aloud, remember that the greatest honor is in speaking the truth that no one wants to hear, and that everyone has been avoiding out of fear.

Angrboda’s Rule: Diversity. The Giant-Race comes in a myriad of forms, and all shapes, sizes, and natures are valued among them. Being close to Nature, they understand that diversity is survival and strength, while homogeneity is inevitable weakness. Thus, we accept and value diversity in human beings, be that in race, ability, gender, cultural background, lifestyle, sexual preferences, appearance, and all the many ways that we can be wonderfully different.

Jormundgand’s Rule: Liminality. As the Snake is neither male nor female, both of Midgard and not of Midgard, so we see that the honorable and the sacred is most often found in that which crosses boundaries, bridges opposites, moves between worlds. We value that which is Both, and Neither, as one of the Great Mysteries.

Sigyn’s Rule: Loyalty. Stand by those who love you, and whom you love, no matter what others say of them, no matter if they are driven out. The loyalty of true friends, family, and lovers is more important than the acceptance of any group, and any group that would force you to forswear them is not worthy.

Gerda’s Rule: Frithmaking. While sometimes war is necessary, there is always far more honor in making a just peace than waging a just war.

Jord’s Rule: Earthwisdom. Revere the Earth and Nature; seek to live lightly on the land. Honor the spirits of the Earth, the stones, the trees, and all Nature.

Nidhogg’s Rule: Recycling. There is no such place as Away, so be careful what you throw there. Recycle, give away, don’t waste, find a place for it somewhere else. This includes people as well as things.

Aegir’s Rule: Hospitality. Open your doors even to those not of your people, not of your tribe. Open your doors to them even when they are annoying, or disrespectful, if there is the chance of an alliance, of changing their ways with frithmaking. Be gracious in the face of others’ greed and boorishness. You have the right to set boundaries, but be generous the first time at least, no matter who they are, until they truly prove themselves worthless.

Surt’s Rule: Intensity. Whatever you do, let it be with passion and fervor. Do not live a dull, repressed life.

Fenris’s Rule: Shadow. Learn to love and find sacred all the parts of yourself, even the darknesses. Honor them by making a safe place for them, where they can neither be harmed nor harm others.

Mordgud’s Rule: Self-Control. The Giant-Race are a people of strong passions, and so often are their followers. That is why it is all the more important that we strive always to keep our gates guarded and our walls firm — not to keep out, but to keep in. Keep control of your emotions, that they might not spill over and burn others, or yourself.

The Norns’ Rule: Dedication. Walk your path as you understand it, and as the Gods tell you to, and let no mortal opinion get in the way of your Wyrd.

=> I do believe I’ve rambled enough now. As always, thanks for listening my Lord Loki,

——————————Lokabrenna

=> I get so angry and upset with it all. I’m depressed, I know. When I took my Grandmom to the doctor not too long ago, I picked up a little pamphlet on depression. This little booklet listed the nine key symptoms of depression. One to two symptoms is mild to moderate depression. Three to four symptoms is moderate to severe depression. I have all nine. WTS? The problem is that I am also intelligent. If I was just a little smarter I could be rich. I’d still be unhappy, but at least my family wouldn’t be suffering. If I was a little stupider, I’d be too stupid to care. I work really hard for what I have and people get everything handed to them their whole lives, and still complain about it. They don’t appreciate anything. They simply expect life to be handed over to them on a silver platter. They have no concept of working and fighting and desperately scrambling just to be able to buy ramen noodles and hot dogs. If I could strike rich, I could fund my family and at least not have anymore of the Nightmares.

=> *Sigh.* This is one of the more recent ones.        It is dark. It is cold. The pine forest around me has an evil and eerie whistling wind roaring through it. I can hear rustling and barking all around me in the distance. The sound of men and dogs closing in on me. Why? Who am I, What have I done? There is a feeling of a… presence. I keep turning in every direction to better see what it behind me. There is nothing but the rising tide of fear in my heart. I feel odd. Warm and wet, but slick like oil. No, not oil. It’s blood. Tangy, metallic.  I look down at my hands, pale skin gleaming silver in the moonlight, but trickles of blood running down them, so much blood. It’s black and warm and I can smell it and ITS NOT MAKING ME SICK. I feel awake and hungry and angry, but … gleeful? I am terrified, but there is another voice in my head, so strong but so separate I could almost think that there is someone else speaking, but it’s just me. I am scared, I am excited, I am afraid, I am furious, I am AWARE. There is a terrible purpose in my heart. I look down to the circle of white stone surrounding me, it is filled with warm blood. So much, but not enough, not nearly enough. It is dark. It is cold. The pine forest around me has an evil and eerie whistling wind roaring through it. I can hear rustling and barking all around me in the distance. The sound of men and dogs closing in on me…    What I wouldn’t give for them to go away, so I could being afraid to close my eyes. There is something wrong with me, I can feel it inside me. Something that makes me lesser.

=> As a people, we are meant to be ruled. Now, my lord Loki, I’m not implying that Marvel-Loki holds a candle to you, <no pun intended>, but there are some good ideas there. I totally get where he’s coming from. Maybe dictatorship isn’t a good long term plan, but people need it. They need shaking up, so that they hate their dictator. Only then will they truly understand how little their petty differences mean. And okay, I will confess to having something of a Tom Hiddleston obsession. But hey, I was a Loki- worshipper before it was cool. Wow that sounded terribly hipster of me. Besides, the man is GORGEOUS! He knows the classics, he sings, and dances, and has a killer sense of of humor,<which is a bit naughty >, he quotes Shakespeare and PLAYS THE PIANO! oh, and he’s English. So much perfection in one man. Also, I could listen to his voice all day. a bit cliche’, but I could listen to that man read the telephone book.

=> And  I totally get where Marvel-Loki is coming from. He’s a hurt, wounded child. I get that. I’ve lived that. My whole life I just wanted to be worth something. To not live in Jason’s shadow <my asshole brother>. But no. When have I ever been worth something to my father? When have my accomplishments mattered? Nothing I ever did or could do would stack up against my perfect brother, their perfect son. I gave up acting like a girl. It never got me anywhere,<at least as a child, anyway ;P >.  I gave up the frilly shit, the dressing up, the nail painting, the makeup. Out the window. What did I do instead? I tried to act like him. I went fishing and hunting. I learned to shoot a gun and a bow and how to skin disgusting dead things. All these things I kept up even after my perfect brother quit them. All I wanted  was a taste of the recognition, of the praise that he received. What did I get? I was told to “stop trying to be a daddy’s girl,” because I would never be one. To a 13- year old? Mind blown.

=> That was the year I started looking for a way to channel my inner hurts. I settled on cutting myself, since killing Jason wasn’t a feasible option <Damn if I didn’t think it through, though>. I never understood, and I still don’t. I was never any worse behaved than him, they just paid more attention when I did something wrong. So I was the one who got caught, and he was the one who could do no wrong. All this of a brother who STEALS HIS LITTLE SISTER’S UNDERWEAR. Creepy perv.

=> Of course, after awhile, I got smart. After years of everything always being my fault, I thought I’d actually do some shit. I was fifteen when I smoked my first cigarette and drank my first beer. I got arrested at school too. I had a knife in my pocket. Amazingly enough i wasn’t expelled, considering that this was in 2004. You must have been channeling me some of your famous silvertongue skills because I came up with a Hel of story.

=> But I digress. I smoked, I drank, I slept around. I skipped school so much I nearly failed. Almost didn’t graduate. And my lovely parents couldn’t understand how a straight A student could sink so low. I did what I wanted, and I never cared. I only ever wanted to be equal to him. To be worth something to my father. Never happen. Jason had to go and join the Marines. He was in a training accident. He never even made it to Parris island. He spent 6 months in a hospital bed and then came home. Well great, now my mother thinks a war hero. I wish he’d died. But fine, push me into the shadows? Don’t be surprised when I own them.

=> I wish I was so rich that my family didn’t have to worry about money. We wouldn’t worry about getting put out of the house, or whether or not there was enough food to eat. I wish I didn’t want to kill myself. It gets more and appealing, day by day. if it weren’t for the few people who love me, I think I would already be gone. I’m sure that if I did do it, they’d get over it in time, but they’d curse me for it first. And I am going crazy. Bit by bit, madness creeps in, and I’m so tired of fighting it. No matter what I do, illusions and fantasies of the peace of Death are haunting me. I’m filled with hatred, and bile, and sadness. Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole in the Universe and I have to scramble desperately to keep from falling in. Inside the hole is pain, but the pain is climbing through, grabbing at me, and I hate it. I feel like I should stop fighting it and just let go.

=> I feel like I can hear the soundtrack to my life but it’s all sad music. A mix of nightwish and secret garden and the chrono cross music. I feel like my heart hurts. My SOUL hurts. I need help, I do believe I woke up on the wrong side of EMO this morning. I can’t decide if I want to cry or throw up. *Sigh.* Hello, Stress, I see you brought your A game.

=> Well, some time next week. Thanks for listening Loki.

———————–Lokabrenna