This message from a cookie? Does that seem odd to anyone else?

So where to begin? I have heard so much lately about the benefits of going Gluten Free. Maybe you saw some of the recent stories on tennis great Novak Djokovic.   In May,  he was called the world’s best athlete of 2011 and he credits his Gluten Free diet.

He started cutting the Gluten after his nutritionist discovered he was allergic to the protein. Or technically speaking, he was diagnosed with the autoimmune disorder known as Celiac Disease.   I don’t think I have this problem, however doctors say cutting Gluten has been known to benefit people with and without food allergies.  A neighbor told me about how he became mentally stronger and found clarity just by adjusting his diet.

I decided to google Gluten Free Success Stories.  Here is what I learned. 

1.  Controversial TV Host, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, was so inspired by her results she wrote a book about it: The G-Free Diet.   
   
2.  Chelsea Clinton had a Gluten Free wedding.
3.  The web was filled with stories about people of all ages feeling a difference from going Gluten Free. Here is just one example.  Gluten Doctors Blog.

How could I not want to try it? If only I could get my whole family to go along with me.   So, I finally came up with a plan that might work for me and possibly my husband and boys too. Heck, maybe it will work for you.

First,  identify what you eat or drink that might have Gluten.   For me it’s pancakes, bread, pizza, pasta, and Oreos.  And that’s just off the top of my head.

It didn’t take me too long to realize that there was no way in hell I was going to quit cold-turkey.  So I have decided to ease into it.  And the grocery store makes it easy.  For instance, we needed more pancake mix this weekend.  So instead of buying the mix I would normally purchase, I substituted with the Gluten Free kind.

I haven’t tried it yet, but how bad can it be? I guess I am more worried about the cost of the Gluten free products than the flavor.

Next up, maybe I will try a Gluten-free bread.  Baby steps.  My goal is to have significantly reduced Gluten in my diet by mid August. Then try one month Gluten Free (or almost Gluten free) and see if it makes a difference in my marathon training and day-to-day life.  It’s an experiment. I plan to keep a journal and I’ll let you know how it’s going.  I’m curious how hard it will be to make the changes and if it will be worth the extra effort and money, at least for me.

Have you ever considered cutting Gluten from your diet? And if you’ve tried going Gluten free, I would love to hear about your experience and get your advice.

What the heck is going on with me? Have you ever felt this way about your birthday?

So I racked my brain, trying to remember how I have celebrated some of my last 40-plus birthdays. Good thing my parents took pictures.

Since becoming an adult,  one of my most memorable birthdays was in 1994.  This one was planned by dear hubby just months into our relationship, before we were married.

Yep, he took me skydiving. That’s me in the photo with my instructor. After that thrilling adventure,  my honey took me straight to his parents house for a barbecue with friends. Next thing you know, the whole party is gathered around the TV watching this. Do you remember where you were for the OJ chase?

I have had plenty of other interesting birthdays.  They’ve usually included lots of drinking and dancing, except for the two birthdays when I was pregnant. Mom took me on golf trips to celebrate 30 and 31.

So what are my options this year? Just this morning, my parents invited our family to go out to dinner.  I’m on the fence. The kids don’t usually love going out to eat and I’m not sure if I want to leave them at home.  I think they just like the cake part of mom’s birthday and maybe blowing out the candles for me.

Option B: Take the selfish route. There’s still time.  Here’s where the title of the blog comes in.  What would your ultimate birthday be?  Here’s my realistic version and dream version.

Real:

• Hot Yoga at 8am
• Brunch with the family
• 18 holes of Golf with friends and  few beers
• Happy Hour-appetizers
• Bedtime 10pm

Dream:

• Yoga or Run with a personal trainer
• Spa service like facial or massage
• Brunch with the family
• Play in a Pro Am Golf Tourney with Bradley Cooper as my partner
• Movie Star Makeover
• Be a guest on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen

Image by Deadly Tedly via Flickr

My dear friend, Julie, hit me up with a request I was not expecting.  She wants me to run the Twin Cities Marathon with her coming up in October.  Julie is an experienced marathoner. She has multiple finishes under her belt across a handful of cities including Chicago, Boston and Duluth. She thinks I can do it. I have successfully completed 3 half marathons in the last couple years, but just can’t seem to muster up the courage to try a full 26.2 mile course.  I gave it serious consideration last year but then never signed up.  There are a few things holding me back.

1. Time needed for proper training
2. Fear of long-term damage to knees or other joints and muscles
3. Possible blisters or other unmentionable issues with my well manicured feet

I do give Julie credit for asking. She got me thinking. And I didn’t give her a flat-out “NO”.    I love running. I seriously enjoy training with my friends.  And it would be really cool to say that I completed a marathon, even if it’s just once in my life.  But then I think back to some of those more painful moments running just 13.1 miles.  Check out this photo from the Minneapolis Half in 2010.  To say I was uncomfortable at this juncture would be an understatement. Between the hills and the heat, this half for me, was hell.

Feeling the Heat

But I did finish.   That’s me and Julie at the finish line. And this runner was happy.

We did it!

So what would you do if you were me? I’m turning 43 in a few weeks.  My work-career path is a little uncertain. My kids’ baseball schedules are all over the place.  Do I just reserve my spot and go for it?  If you run marathons, would love to hear how you got started and what advice you can give me and others who might be considering their first marathon. Also, if you have a story about your first marathon please share it.

Image via Wikipedia

What would youth sports be without controversy??  And I am not talking about questionable calls that are forgotten soon after a game is over.  I am talking about coaching philosophies. And right now there seems to be a growing rift on my son’s 11-year-old Triple-A Traveling baseball team.   I don’t know about your community, but in our suburb,  AAA baseball is the cream of the crop, the highest level the kids can play.

Last year this same group of boys (except for 3 newbies including my son) won the 10-year-old Double-A State Championship.   And they did it playing Cumbayah ball.  Every kid pitched, the batting order was on a consistent rotation and all of the kids played and tried every position.  Not all parents agreed with this approach but they didn’t complain too loudly because the team kept winning.

Fast forward to this year and the eye-opening experience of AAA ball.   Same coach, same mindset, with much stiffer competition and totally different results.  The boys have lost several games by 15 or more runs. Some parents are frustrated. They want the coach to put the kids at their strongest positions and put the best batters at the top of the order.  They are over this feel good, huggy, lovey baseball approach, saying that’s what Little League is for, not traveling baseball at the Triple-A level.  So how important should winning be at 11 years old? And should it be different based on what league you play in? Different arguments are emerging and I am sitting somewhere on the fence.  The head coach must be feeling the heat because he sent an e-mail to parents reiterating and defending his strategy.

 ”I am moving players around early on in the season and I am going to continue to rotate the batting order.  They are going to make mistakes and that is all part of the experience.  Key positions and hitting spots in the order will be earned for tournaments and playoffs.”

“We have three games next week and we will be getting some new kids in to pitch and catch.  We are trying to develop as many pitchers as we can which means every kids will pitch.  I am not sure how we will fair, but I know this for sure…if they don’t do well it is okay…they need the experience and will get another chance.”

One parent responded with the following.

“No other team at this level does this, why should we?  They are playing their best players in the right positions for most of the game, why are we still rotating our kids?  We are not competitive that way.  Little league is the place to play if you want to play all of the positions and be PC with the parents.  We signed our kids up to play, be competitive and to win.”  

The coach replied the following day.   And yes,this is all playing out through reply all email.

“It is of little concern to me what other teams do.  My main goal is to ensure I teach them how to play multiple positions at this age.  If I pigeon-hole players into playing only 1 or 2 positions, this will only catch up to them later as more talented players may edge them out in the two positions they know.”

“We did not join AAA to win.  We did it to find better competition and I refuse to place winning above development.  Losing like we have has brought some much-needed humbleness to our boys who went  45-6 a year ago against lesser competition.  By playing at the AA last year it created an illusion that we were the best team in the state at this age level.  All successful athletes need to learn how to deal with adversity and that is what our boys are learning at the present time.”

I guess I can see it from both sides.  Winning shouldn’t be everything,  but shouldn’t you give your kids the best shot at success? When I mentioned to my son that he would likely get a chance to pitch this week,  I thought he would be excited to get his turn on the mound. Mom was wrong. Although he has expressed interest in pitching,  he only wants to pitch if the coaches think he has earned it, not because every kid gets a chance.  He doesn’t want to be set up to fail and let the team down.  It was an ah-ha moment for me.

I think it’s great for kids to have opportunities, but like my son said, he wants to earn it.   We need to make sure the kids feel good about their contributions. When they make errors, they can start to doubt their abilities.  You don’t want them finishing the game with the weight of the world on their shoulders feeling like they blew the game and disappointed their teammates.   Place the kids in spots where they feel confident. If you are not sure, ask them. I am sure they will tell you.   Some kids may feel confident playing anywhere.  Worst than can happen is you get a whole team that says “shortstop”.   But it’s at least worth finding out.  As far as development, maybe there would be a way to add scrimmages and practices where kids can move around and try new positions.

I think it’s great there is some movement in the batting order.   My 12-year-old currently bats last every game and it’s eroding his confidence at the plate.  What about keeping your strongest batters in the first half of the line-up and mixing up the rest?

Somehow, someway, it would be great to find a compromise.  Baseball is supposed to be fun, not filled with tension and animosity.  I believe there is a happy medium where the kids can develop, grow, and feel encouraged by their play rather than discouraged by it.

Or maybe the kids don’t care as much as we think and it’s just parents making a big deal out of nothing.   It’s amazing what a Culver’s burger did for my son’s mood on the way home from a losing game last week.

I am not writing this to throw anyone under the bus, just to get a more friendly dialogue started.   I am inviting those on our team, in our community and outside of our community to share their stories and advice. What’s worked for you as a parent, coach or player? What do you think is best for our team and other teams playing at such a high level?

So I start filling up my tank and I hear this shouting at the pump next to me.   It was the guy who had asked me to move up to the pump closer to the workers.  Now he was in the front spot in the next lane filling up his white Mercedes. And guess what? His Benz, his baby was getting dirty and maybe even slightly dented by what was flying from the heavy machinery. He was pissed.  He went off about how he is paying 4 dollars a gallon for gas, and how dare the crews get so close to his car.   What he was saying made sense. It’s how he said it.   And what is interesting, is when you first hear someone yell like this, you wonder if they’re friends or if it might be a joke.  And then pretty soon you realize, no one is laughing.  By the time I grabbed my flip cam, most of the action was over.  You can check out the last few seconds as the situation calmed down.

As I was holding and pointing the flipcam at the yeller, thoughts started to fly through my head. Should I be doing this? Is he going to come after me? Then I thought about how I would respond if he got upset.   Maybe we should all try to treat people as if anyone could pull out a camera and record us at any moment.  Think back to times you may have lost your cool in public.  I know I have.  What if someone had you on video? In the world we live in now, anyone with a smart phone can take pretty decent quality video and upload it to the internet.   Just one public outburst in the wrong place at the wrong time, and your temper tantrum is viral.   Think about places and situations where you have seen people come unglued, children’s sporting events? checkout lines? the office? What if we started a campaign urging smart phone carriers around the globe to record and upload bad behavior? Would it make a difference in how people conduct themselves?

And a final note about the Costco Gas Pump guy..  Just when I thought the story was over, I drove over to Costco and was hanging out in the parking lot waiting for the store to open and guess who was hanging out with me. The man in the Mercedes. The man in a hurry.

You’ll need a little history to understand where he is coming from.  A few weeks ago, he got in trouble at school for defending himself on the playground.  He received an in-school suspension and the principal explained the school’s zero tolerance policy.  If you kick, punch, or hurt another student, it is considered a fight and you will be disciplined.  He got the message!

So in his mind, this girl kicked him and she should be disciplined the same way.   Well, guess what? She was sent back to class after it happened and my son could not understand why she didn’t receive an in-school suspension.   The principal told my son the girl claimed it was an accident. But my son says there were witnesses who saw the kick  and it was clearly intentional and unprovoked. I had no answer for him.  I couldn’t explain it myself.

So I emailed the principal and asked him to follow-up with my son.  I explained my son’s confusion.  Why would he get disciplined and this girl appeared to get off scott free?

The principal obliged and met with my son. However, my son came home again and said it still doesn’t add up.   He’s still upset.

Now, I have asked the principal to contact me.  But I am not sure how to handle this.  I don’t think I can change the situation.  My gut says it’s almost the end of the school year, my son is moving up to the Junior High and I should just let it go.   I’ve tried to tell my son the same thing, but he feels so wronged by the system.

How is your school with discipline? Do girls get away with more than boys? Is this just an isolated incident? What would you do if you were me? Personally, I was hoping to stay out of it and just let my son deal with it.   Would love some advice on this one.

Image via Wikipedia

The internet is a powerful machine.   It’s almost like a car, that requires training and a license before you are allowed to drive. Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme, but I worry that young adults (preteens and teens) don’t realize the possible consequences for what they write on-line.

I think about the “what ifs” for hours sometimes before I hit publish on a blog.  Do I really want to share this? What are the implications?

I don’t think our children have enough foresight to see how their quick comments or posts today could come back to haunt them tomorrow.  Whether it’s college applications or job searches, whatever you put on the world-wide web, decision makers can find it, if they choose to look.

Both of my boys, ages 11 and 12 are on Facebook.  Thankfully, I have a good friend who helps police what they say.    A couple of times she has called to alert me of comments she feels could be misconstrued and considered inappropriate.   I know she worries about being the so-called “bad guy” but I am so grateful that she takes the time to closely look at what they are writing and the context.

When we talk to our kids about it, we explain that although you didn’t intend for the comment to come off this way, here is how it could be perceived.   They seem to get it.   At least, we are having the dialogue.

Something else that came up just this week is, WHO is able to see what you are writing.  I had the unpleasant experience of receiving a spam email from one of my son’s friends.  Most adults realize it is spam and hit delete.  However, the spam email went to dozens of students, mostly 5th through 7th graders,  and they all had to reply to it.  Those replies came directly to my inbox.  A couple of those responses were really nasty.

Neither of the two boys who wrote those responses are my friends on Facebook.  Needless to say, I still saw what they wrote.  My initial reaction was to alert the principal at my son’s junior high and suggest the school help educate children how to be smarter about social media.   My husband said “Isn’t that the parents job?”.   I do agree parents need to reinforce and teach, but with social media being such a popular way for kids to connect, I feel it might be time schools also got involved.    Maybe it’s a speaker who comes in once a year to talk to the student body.   Much like the DARE program warns students about the dangers of taking drugs, I also think schools need to warn students about the dangers of sharing on websites like Facebook.  Maybe schools are already doing this and I don’t even know it.

I realize some might say, your child shouldn’t even be on Facebook.   That’s maybe why Facebook has age restrictions, that we all seem to be ignoring.   But we just can’t ignore the fact that more and more children are engrossed with communicating with their friends on-line.

What do you think? Does your school do anything special? Do you think they should?  Or is this fully a parent’s responsiblity?

And that brings us to today’s topic.   I read the most interesting blog while I was on vacation.  It was posted on a Montessori School website and was called “Five Reasons to Stop Saying ‘Good Job!’”. I somehow ended up clicking on it through twitter even though my boys are both beyond Montessori years.  Anyhow, I have not been able to stop thinking about and talking about this article. Maybe, because I worry I am a grown up product of the “Good Job” culture.  I am not blaming my parents, teachers, or anyone else for this.   But I am not going to deny it,  I still like it when someone tells me “Good Job” or something like it.    Just in my yoga class this morning, the teacher said “Nice, Lori!”.  And yes, it made me feel good.   Was I really doing anything that deserved praise? Probably not.  But just knowing that she had recognized my efforts pushed me a little more.  

I get what the authors of the Montessori article are saying.   Or at least what I think they are trying to say.  “Good Job” has become overused.   Heck, who hasn’t gotten a good job sticker on homework?  And what grown up employee doesn’t like to hear “Good Job”?

As for saying “Good Job”,  I think I am the worst offender.  At my kids sporting events, I like to compliment every child who comes off the ice or field.  “Nice Job, Good Job, Great Game”.   When I say it to my own kids, they get annoyed with me. They’ll say mom, why are you saying “Good Job?” It wasn’t!

Since reading the article I have started counting how many times a day, I say or hear “Good Job”.   Let’s just say I ran out of fingers and toes.  I said it several times to my husband while we played Eucher on opposing teams.  That didn’t go over so well.  I said it to my kids when they put their plates in the sink.   My husband repeated it several times to my youngest son as they cooked dinner together for their video premier of “Cooking with Dad”.

By continually praising our children’s efforts, I tend to agree with the Montessori school notion that we are programming them to seek praise for everything they do.  Kids need to learn at an early age how to trust their own instincts instead of seeking out affirmation for every move.   Bottom line is, I don’t think it would hurt if we tried to scale back on our use of non descriptive compliments like “Good Job”. Otherwise the children will grow up to be like me.  It’s not all bad, but I do struggle with insecurity.   Even before I publish a blog, I want others to read it first and tell me “good job” before I share it.

I like the notion of turning the tables when a child asks “Do you like it? What do you think?”.  Instead of blurting out Good Job without much thought, ask the child what they think of their work.    Not only do I plan to try this approach with my children,  but also think it could be more effective in day to day situations that arise with adults.

How do you use the phrase good job? Do you think it’s overused? How has it impacted your life, or you child’s life?

Do you think I did a good job explaining the issue? (wink, wink)

Yes, the truth can sting and leave you with lasting scars, just like the sun.  But if you are prepared for it, with sunscreen or a thick skin, it is ultimately good for you.  Like Vitamin D nourishes the body, the truth can help you grow into a better or stronger person or business.  Timing is also key.  The sun isn’t as dangerous in the early morning or late afternoon hours. When you are dealing with the truth, some times are better than others to both give and receive.   

I am one of those people who is cursed with an automatic truth trigger.   It’s hard for me to hold back what I am thinking, even if it’s not the right time or the right place.  But as I deliver the truth, I also expect it in return.  But that is not reality.   We have all been programmed to consider others thoughts and feelings, which in the big picture is good.  It is not always appropriate or a good idea to tell the truth.   For instance, after your child’s choir or band concert, you are not about to tell them, it was really boring and it’s the last thing you wanted to do with your evening.  The movie, ”The Invention of Lying” took the truth concept to the extreme.  It made us imagine what life would be like if we spoke our mind every single second of the day.

As I start a new business, we are meeting with lots of interesting and intelligent people trying to get opinions about our concepts and strategies.  We’ve heard things like “brilliant, you’ve got a winner here, love it”.  We appreciate the positivity, but even more valuable than the supportive comments are the tough questions like “How do you plan to make this fly? How do you know it’s going to sell?”

The truth comes easy when it’s a compliment.  Who doesn’t love to tell someone, “great haircut, nice outfit, you nailed it in that meeting”.  But what if the haircut is ugly? The outfit looks like it came from Goodwill? Or they totally missed the boat with a presentation? Then what? Then you ask yourself. Is it better to say nothing at all? In some cases, yes.  If they don’t ask, and it really doesn’t impact your life, I would say smile and move on.  It would only create hard feelings.   But what if the person wearing the eyesore of an outfit works for you in a retail store selling clothes?   Then all of a sudden, you do need to say something.   And I can tell you from experience, it is not easy make a judgement on someone’s personal taste.  You have to find a way to deliver the information with a positive spin.  Love your outfit, just not for work. 

That’s why so many people don’t like managing employees.  If you have great employees, it’s easy . But who has all great employees? There are always going to be some tough ones.   And then you are in the position to tell them what you see as the truth about their performance.

Bottom line is, people have a hard time telling people what they don’t want to hear,  so we’re missing out on the feedback we need the most.  We live in a society that teaches kids early on that everyone is a winner.  We’re not doing our children any favors by trying to protect them from the truth.  We owe it to our children to tell them the truth, even when it hurts.   It’s one of the best things about competitive sports.  If your kid doesn’t make the team,  they need to overcome and learn from disappointment.  The ability to rebound or one of my favorite words
“resiliency” makes us all stronger.  If everything is always rosy, we’re setting ourselves up for major falls later.  

But the truth can be a tricky thing . Your truth may not be someone else’s truth.  They may see it in a totally different way.  So when you lay your cards on the table, you need to find a way to do it gently.  You have to frame it in a way that inspires instead of discourages.    I believe it’s an art that I am still trying to fine tune.

How do you handle the truth?

What started as a local deal is now picking up steam nationwide.  Recently, there was a Gorilla Yogis event at Armory Park in Tuscon, Arizona to help raise money for the victims of the shooting spree.

Costa Rica will be hosting its first Gorilla Yogis event this upcoming weekend to benefit Nosarawildlife.com which helps save the Howler monkeys.

Gorilla Yogis founders have also gotten calls from New York and LA.

For now, the money raised at each event is earmarked for different charities of the organizers or hosts choosing.    The event at the James J Hill House benefited the Minnesota Historical Society.

Next month’s Minnesota event will be at First Avenue, March 19th to raise money for the Jeremiah Program. A live band will be performing, giving a whole new meaning to Dancer’s Pose.

What’s cool about the Gorilla Yogis concept is you get to see places you may have never seen before, or you get to see these places from a fresh perspective.   Having participated in the James J Hill event, I can tell you first hand how great it feels to connect with your community through breath and movement.

If you would like to get on board for future events you can visit the website gorillayogis.com.

Did you know there are websites compiling information about you and sharing it with the world, no sign up required? Ever heard of a website called Spokeo.com?

I just learned about it on Sunday.  Maybe I am just one of the last to know, but by golly, this website knew all about me and it probably knows all about you too.

• How old you are?
• Your address
• Who lives in your house
• Your income

And that’s just the information available for free.  Wait until you see what you can learn about your friends, strangers or even enemies if you are willing to pay a small fee.  Here is the home page. Notice the phrase… “Not your grandma’s white pages”.  If you haven’t done so already, go to their website and call up your name.

So I typed in my name. I wanted to see what people could find out about me, true or not.  The red typing is my own, covering up the information I like to think is private, even though I am sure it is not.

Notice the tabs on top: Basic info (the page above) property, family, social, neighborhood and wealth.    I found some of the information to be accurate but not all of it.   Where I live was correct.   You can actually see my house.

Who lives in my house?  Wrong!   This website has two of me.  Wouldn’t my husband love to know I have been cloned. 

As for hobbies, music probably came up because the computer can see all of my purchases on iTunes.  I am not sure where the basketball came in.  When we Spokeo’ed (my new word) my husband, his hobbies came up as Travel and Cooking. We think it might be connected to his magazine subscriptions.

As for wealth, what Spokeo listed for us was not even close. We could only wish!

Right or wrong, I don’t feel comfortable having all of this information so easily available.   Yes, I am sure it’s still out there, Spokeo or No Spokeo, but I would prefer if people had to work to find it.  So below are the steps to make your information private on Spokeo if you so choose.   I had to go through the steps twice since there are two of me.  Who knows if I even did it right? But at least I can help get you started.   First, locate the privacy button in the lower right corner of the screen.

Once you get to the privacy page, you’ll be asked for a URL.  I had to find out what that was.  I had no idea.

Best of luck.  And I want you all to know, I did not search anyone’s name except my own family members and only to get a sense for how accurate the information is.   A family member, who I know for certain, doesn’t have a Facebook page and doesn’t even use the internet, somehow had his/her info on Spokeo.  So this isn’t just limited to people who are on social networking sites.  My son does have a Facebook page and thankfully, he didn’t show up in the search. 

This website is dated 2006.  So I am guessing, many of you may already know about this.  And if you are aware of other websites that are similar please share.  

Personally, I feel like these websites should get permission from us, before they post our information.  It shoudn’t be our responsiblity to find out about the websites and then request privacy.

She has a way of spinning setbacks into opportunities.   And, as she assures herself of happy endings, she also assures me.   Not a day goes by that she doesn’t support and praise my endeavors. Even during this  difficult time, when she could easily be focusing on her own uphill battles.

Then just a few weeks into her unemployment, I receive the news that she broke her leg in a terrible snowmobiling accident.   Her injuries, so severe, she had to be airlifted to a local hospital.    Her doctor this week shared the x-rays  taken right after she arrived in the Emergency Room.  Check it out.

Her first day home from the hospital she set up an office right in her armchair.  She could barely move but was still able to land a job interview.  You go girl.

That little video clip intended to keep her friends up to date about her recovery has already gotten more than twelve hundred hits on YouTube.  Hopefully, it’s not all people with foot or toe fetishes as some of the comments might suggest.

We started this video series when Suzanne was still in the hospital and heavily medicated.  Somehow, we both thought making a video would be a great way to show her out-of-town family and friends that her spirit hadn’t been broken, only her leg.

Yes, nasty stuff.  But she’ll tell you she was lucky.  Hopefully, all of the people following her journey on YouTube are intrigued and interested in her story because she is inspirational.   Yes, bad things do happen to good people.  And yes, it is possible with the right attitude to overcome and conquer.

With our younger son it’s a whole different story.   You would never know the two boys are just 16 months apart.    Yes, for your younger son, mornings for the most part spell “misery”.  And that ususally means misery for the rest of us.

This morning was a prime example.  He has had a nagging cough for a week and despite our best attempts to medicate him, he says the coughing is keeping him up at night.  We even got a prescription for Cough Medicine with Codein yesterday and we could still hear him hacking away all night.  And yes, he woke up complaining about getting no sleep.  So should we go easy on him because he is ailing?

It’s funny, over the long holiday weekend, he didn’t complain as much about not sleeping, even though he had the same symptoms.   When I asked how he slept Saturday, Sunday and Monday mornings… the answer was  “pretty good”.   Then the school days arrive and he acts like the cough is the worst curse in the world.

So this morning, he spent so much time complaining and lolli-gagging, he missed the bus.  I kept giving him countdowns. The bus comes in 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes? Have you brushed your teeth? What about breakfast? The next thing I know, the bus is cruising by the house with my son still inside lacing his sneakers.   I tell him, he better get outside and sprint.  Three minutes later, I hear the front door opening.   It’s my son explaining how he ran a block and a half but couldn’t catch the bus. 

So what do you say or do in these circumstances? Making him walk is out of the question.   School is about 5 miles away and it’s 2 degrees.  In the past, we threatened to make the kids fork out their own cash for a taxi ride to school.  Notice, the word threatened.  We haven’t done that yet.   If I remember correctly, today is only the second time our youngest has actually missed the bus just for being pokey. My first reaction was,  “Go to your room. You are spending the day there.”  Then I switched gears and offered to drive him, because I didn’t think missing the bus qualified as a good reason to miss school. (And no, he doesn’t have a fever and shouldn’t be contagious. The doctor thinks he has a sinus infection).

But I still feel strongly kids who miss the bus for no good reason should be punished? But what’s a fair price to pay?

Have your kids missed the bus before? How have you reacted?

My hubby tends to get pretty angry when stuff like this happens.  He started packing up the XBOX and said video games like Black-Ops and Dance Central would be off-limits. Notice in this video taken just Sunday night, my son doesn’t look very sick. And yes, he had the same cough.

Then my hubby went on to say if there were any more time conflicts with hockey and Hebrew, my son would be going to Hebrew school instead of hockey,  no matter what.   My son burst into tears.    He interpreted that statement as Dad taking hockey away.

So after a very emotional ride to school with my son,  I returned home to explain to my husband that it doesn’t work to make empty threats.  We need to come up with a punishment we can agree on and stick to, one that seems reasonable for the offense committed which in this case was ”Missing the bus and not listening to us in the morning”.

I think that a couple of days without the XBOX seems fair.  My husband said it should stay boxed up at least a week, but personally I don’t think it’s doable. Am I being too much of a softy?  Not to mention, mom wants to use “Dance Central” for a workout today.

In my mind, before you come up with ramifications for any misconduct, you need to consider the following:

• History (how many times has this happened before?)
• The Crime (What did he actually do that was wrong? What behaviors do we need to work on? )
• The Punishment (What have others done in cases like this? Is there any reason to cut the child slack, like illness or otherwise?)
• The Result (What do you hope to accomplish with the punishment? For us, Listen better in the morning? What can you do so your child knows you are serious that you don’t want this behavior to happen again?)

In hindsight, maybe my husband and I should have discussed and agreed upon how we wanted to handle the situation before saying anything to him about a punishment.  Maybe it would have been better to say, we’ll take you to school now, and talk to you later when you get home.

Your input is welcome in yet another mom and dad debate.

Image by johnmuk via Flickr

Mom is for.  Dad is against.  It’s  been this way since the topic of cell phones first came up about 3 years ago.  Up until now, my oldest son, now 12 and half, has been totally fine with not having a cell phone.   In fact, he has been going around telling other kids why he doesn’t like cell phones.

1. All everyone does is text stupid messages
2. When he gets together with friends, they just focus on the phones instead of each other

Then last night for the first time, one on one with me, he asked for a cell phone.  I believe he is one of the last, if not THE  last, of his 7th grade friends who still doesn’t have one.  National statistics show a majority of kids have cell phones by the time they are 12 or 13.  And this survey is from 2009. It’s now 2011.

I asked my son last night, “Why the change of heart about a cell phone?” He said, ”girls at school have started asking for his number”.

I gently brought up the subject with my hubby this morning, saying I think it was finally time to get our son a cell phone.  His immediate reaction was “Why does he need one? We didn’t need cell phones when we were growing up?”

In my opinion, times have changed in 25 years.  Just because the technology didn’t exist then, doesn’t mean your kid should have to live in the past.   There are countless luxuries we had growing up that our parents didn’t have when they were kids like TVs,  VHS players and Microwaves.  Our parents survived without all of those inventions, but recognized they needed to live in the present.   Life evolves.    I feel the same way about this cell phone deal.  I believe learning how to use a cell phone responsibly is part of growing up these days.

I am not saying you should get a cell phone for your child the minute they ask for it.  My 5th grade son has been asking for a cell phone for 6 months straight because several of his classmates already have them. However, my husband and I both agree, he can wait.

It’s been so different with our older son.  I feel like his dad brainwashed him into thinking cell phones were evil. Then last night, when he so politely expressed interest in getting a cell phone, it actually made me happy that he was finally coming around.  If you ask me, I think cell phones are a great learning tool that can help kids develop better communication skills.  The ability to network is one of the best gifts you can give a kid.

I promised my son last night I would do my best to convince dad that he had earned the privilege of carrying a phone.  He had a great report card.  Not to mention he gets up every morning on his own and gets himself ready for school.  He makes his own breakfast and lunch and is very quiet so he doesn’t wake the rest of us up.  And the best part is, he leaves us notes.  Here are a few samples.

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He is showing responsiblity by taking care of himself every morning.  And I am proud of him.  Hopefully, this blog will convince my husband that it’s time to get his oldest a cell phone, and that it’s not such a bad thing.

I think the hardest part might be figuring out what phone? What plan? So many choices.   Anyone have any suggestions if mom and dad are both on Verizon? What has worked for you?

In Monday’s blog,  “When your child doesn’t feel safe at school”  , we were still uncertain about the outcome.   I wasn’t as angry Monday as I was on Friday, but I still had lingering questions about this other student.  My hope at that time, was for a peaceful resolution mediated by a school liaison officer.  

What happened Tuesday, inadvertently, was even better. 

At our school meeting Monday, the Assistant Principal and Dean promised us, this other student would be removed from 6th hour Gym, the only class he and my son share together.   However,  Tuesday, a staff person mistakenly told the other boy to follow his old schedule and sent him to that gym class.   Oops.

What could have been a very uncomfortable situation for my son, turned out just the opposite.   Without prompting by anyone, this boy approached my son in the locker room and said he was sorry.   My son said it was very sincere.  He was grateful, and said thank you in return.

As parents, we could easily be angry with the school for dropping the ball on a promise that had been made to keep the boys apart.  However, I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. 

That unexpected personal apology came as a total relief to my son.  He didn’t hesitate to forgive. No mediator or adult needed.

My husband and I could not feel any better about how this ended.  We hope both boys feel the same.

The first thing I heard was an introduction by the Junior High Assistant Principal followed by the words.. “Your son isn’t in trouble”.   If he’s not in trouble then why are you calling? My first question is “Is he hurt?”.    The Asst. Principal assured me my son wasn’t hurt and then said, let me have him tell you what happened.  He handed the phone over to my son.  There was silence and then a rush of emotion.    My 7th grade son was so upset he couldn’t even speak. 

My heart started racing.  What in the H>LL happened? The  Assistant Principal politely took the phone back from my son and explained there had been an incident in the hall at school.  Another student had shoved my son twice and slapped him. 

I was stunned.   The first thing I asked is how did this happen? The other student thought my son had been talking trash about him, which is not my son’s M.O.  

The Assistant Principal explains how the school plans to investigate.    I ask if I should pick my son up from school now? If he would feel safe at school the rest of the day? If this other child was going to be expelled? I ask everything I can possibly think of while I am on the phone with the Assistant Principal.  I am angry.  How could the school let this happen? Isn’t school supposed to provide a safe environment for our kids to learn?

My son decides to stay in school the rest of the day.   He said he was not injured by the slap, but I could tell, he was emotionally bruised.  When he returned home in the afternoon, he informed me that the boy threatened to gather his friends and hurt him even worse on Monday? He was scared to go back to school on Monday.

I was so angry.   So instead of sending my kid on the bus this morning, we set up a 9am meeting with school administrators.  The first thing I wanted to know is that everything my son told us was in fact true with no exaggeration.  And yes they said, everything my son said was corroborated by other students and even the perpetrator.  There was no disputing what had happened.

Our concern was the future.   This kid had threatened our son.   What was going to happen to this other boy? If you physically go after someone and threaten them, shouldn’t they be expelled? Isn’t that what zero tolerance is all about? What we learned is, it’s not that simple.    The student who bullied my son is in Special Ed.   It’s much more difficult for a school district to expel students with special needs? Did you know that? Students in Special Ed are protected because they have disabilities.  And in order to get them expelled it’s much longer drawn out process.  Is that fair? Should Special Ed kids be treated differently when they are the bully?  I don’t raise this question because I plan to make a stink about it, only to generate discussion and get other opinions.

The school asked my husband and me how we wanted to proceed.  We both agreed, if the student who bullied our son actually felt remorseful once he found out my son hadn’t said anything about him, we thought it would be best if he apologized to our son face to face.  In meeting with the school liaison officer, she agreed.  She would sit down with the other boy first when he returned to school from his suspension. And if she got a sense the boy was clearly remorseful, she would set up a meeting with the two boys.  This would be our hope.  A peaceful resolution that provides closure. 

In the meantime, the Assistant Principal called today to confirm the boy had been removed from the only class the boys shared together.  So besides the possible meeting mediated by the school liaison officer, chances were slim they would see each other at school anymore, even in the halls.

It is also important to note,  the school was very tight-lipped about the other student’s punishment because of privacy issues.  They never said this other boy was suspended, but we were able to make the connection when they said he was out of school.  Also, the school did not come out and say this boy was in Special Ed. They just explained this student had special protections that made an expulsion under these circumstances virtually impossible.

All in all, our anger seems to have dissipated. It’s been replaced with hope.  We appreciate how the school is handling the situation.  Most importantly, my son came home from school today feeling much more positive and at ease. 

Have you encountered any situations like this? How did your family deal with it? What was the outcome?

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Okay, I am bugged.  You won’t hear me spew negativity too often, but I just hate what happens at the Health Club every January.   It’s like the gym is taken over by Resolution Setters.  They show up, take all the good parking spots, create lines at the check-in, fill up the lockers, and crowd my favorite classes.   Then 6 weeks later, they disappear.

You can’t tell me you  haven’t experienced the same pattern at your gym too.   And I don’t blame the health club.  They do a pretty good job accommodating the extra traffic.    You can’t expect the club to make any major changes knowing most of the Resolution Setters will soon return to their sedentary ways.

I go to the gym consistently 3-4 days a week and I have been doing this for many years.  I am always trying to convince people why they should join a health club.   I love inspiring people to exercise.  So I have to ask myself why this annual surge in gym attendance gets me so riled up.   I think it’s because most of the new January gym goers turn out to be short timers. 

I would like to use this blog as a challenge to the Resolution Setters.  Prove us gym regulars wrong. Show us you can stick with it and maybe we’ll have more respect and tolerance for you from this day forward.

I promise to show up tomorrow with a big, welcoming smile.   If you promise to stick to your resolution.  What do you say?

For some reason that word “resolution” scares me.   

res·o·lu·tion (r z-l sh n) n. 1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination. 2. A resolving to do something. 3. A course of action determined or decided on.

The definition sounds positive enough, but the results for the people who set them are overwhelmingly negative.  I just read in a NY Times blog, “Four out of five people who make New Year’s resolutions will eventually break them. In fact, a third won’t even make it to the end of January.”

What’s the problem? Experts say the word resolution has people thinking too broadly as opposed to setting specific goals.    And it’s like one little derailment, and folks give up. 

When I asked my friends about resolutions, they surpisingly responded with success stories.   One girlfriend set out to lose 15 pounds and she did it.  Another friend resolved to check out more library books and drink more water and she also made it happen. 

I have never  set a resolution before.  And I don’t know if I would call this a resolution. But this year, I am  going to make an effort to spend more time laughing with my friends and family and less time stressing about work and sweating the small stuff.   My goal is at least one laugh a day.   

Last night, I was lucky enough to get a week’s worth of laughter watching my hubby compete against a dear friend in our Dad Dance-off. 

So as we dance and laugh our way into 2011, may we remember that every day is filled with new possibilities, if we open our mind to it. 

Happy New Year!

When I was young, we actually had a litte Christmas tree in our house.   And we got presents from Santa. My parents explained that they wanted to make Helen feel comfortable in our home. Helen was an older woman who lived with us and helped take care of  me and my brother when we were little.  So our nice little Jewish family at least upheld some of the traditions of Christmas. On a sidenote– I just realized,  if my mom is reading this she might get a little embarassed that I shared this part of our family history.   But maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that that they exposed me to this?  We were and always will be an open minded family.

Me with Santa back in 1994

What’s interesting is my own children, just 11 and 12 years old, don’t seem as open minded.  I am not sure where it comes from.  They seem bothered by what happens in society come holiday time.  They don’t undersatnd why so many people just assume you are Christian.

Just days before Christmas, countless people have asked me if I was ready for the holiday, from the nurse at the dermatologist to the checkout person at Target.  Questions I have gotten in the last 24 hours include:  Did you get all of your shopping done? What are you doing for the holiday?  Are you hosting? Do you know what you are going serve? I would never want to make anyone uncomfortable so I try to give some type of generic answer like “I am all set. Looking forward to a seeing a movie and relaxing.  As far as food, nothing special.”

My kids will say to me “Why didn’t you tell them that we are Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas”.    Good question.  Should I be letting the person know I am Jewish?  My boys certainly would say something  if someone directed the question to them.  In fact, I have heard them respond that way when other kids have asked what they want for Christmas.

So what is stopping me?   After much consideration, I came to this conclusion.  I see these questions as friendly gestures.  Even with the debate over the greetings, “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays”.  Personally, it doesn’t matter to me.    Life is too short to get bent out of shape if someone wishes you a Merry Christmas.  People are just trying to be nice.  For me, it’s easier just to go along with it.  Does it really matter if I point out that I am Jewish?   What if I came back half-jokingly and said “This is when it’s good to be a jew.”  While Christians are stressing out, we get a free day to sleep in, go to movies, read books and listen to music.

Christmas has typcially been a day of solitude for me.  My husband takes the boys skiing and I have an entire day to myself .  Usaully, I get in a short workout, do a chick flick marathon and eat Lean Cuisine.  This year, I am seeing a movie with my mom and  I am so looking forward to it.

Do I miss those days when I believed in Santa? A little. But I still love Christmas as much as ever, just for different reasons.

As for my boys, may they continue to be proud of who they are and accepting of everyone else.

Merry Christmas to those it pertains to.  And Happy New Year to all.

Fast Forward to the first day of Winter Break .   I was about to head out the door for my morning run when my kids asked me to drop them off at the local outdoor ice rink.  This time I wasn’t going to drop them off. I was going to join them. 

I had been talking and talking about playing hockey, but you can’t play hockey if you don’t skate or have equipment.  At this point I was oh for two.  I can’t remember the last time I went skating.  I think it was about 30 years ago or so.  All I remember, is how much I liked my handmade pink pom-poms and the cocoa inside the warming house.  Years later, I would return to various ice rinks as a mother. I was the mom who wore boots on the ice.  And as the kids got a little older, I was the parent who sat and watched from my heated car or the warming house.

So today was the day.  I was going to run over to Play it Again Sports and get a pair of used skates on the way to the park with my boys.  I called my friend Suzanne to see if she and her son wanted to join us.   She said “I have skates, but they don’t fit. Maybe they would fit you”.  And they did.  All I could think is “It’s meant to be”.

My youngest son (the hockey player) was very excited to teach me how to skate. And I want to thank him for being so patient and positive.   He and another buddy (Alex) helped shoot this short video.   As you will see, the hardest part was trying to get from the warming house to the rink. My skating actually improved after an hour of circling the ice.

I still think I need quite a bit of practice before I am ready to get on the ice with an organized mom group.   I  pride myself on being in pretty good shape, but this was still harder than I expected.   My ankles and shins hurt at the beginning.  But I noticed the more I skated, the better they felt.  And in order to stay balanced, I really had to engage my core.   Literally, within minutes I was sweating and I wasn’t even going that fast.   In hindsight, I wish I would have worn my heart rate monitor. 

When I got home, I found some interesting statistics about ice skating on-line.   The American College of Sports Medicine says on average, a 150-pound person burns about 600 calories an hour when they skate.  That’s about the same as running five miles in an hour.  Besides the aerobic workout, ice skating also works key leg muscles like the inner thigh, the abductors, the hamstrings.  And we can’t forget about the rear end muscles and the lower back.

I was surprised I wasn’t sore this morning.  Maybe it will hit me tomorrow.

In the meantime, I am very interested in planning a mom-son skating event before winter break is over.    Nothing like getting in a workout while hanging out with your kids.  For me, it was the epitome of quality family time.    Better late than never.

One viewer was so appalled he said he was going to hop on a plane to help clean, if necessary.  @mogelsonlevy had a great suggestion for all of the school homework.  She scans her kids memorable projects into her computer and then makes a DVD each year.  That way, she and her kids can look back without the clutter.

I heard from some folks who said they felt like they were in the same boat and they could relate to my house of heaps.  It made me feel better.

Then I heard from someone else who said her problem is just the opposite.  She is a perfectionist and her goal for 2011 is to let a few things go.  She feels that she is so worried about the shape of the house it interferes with quality family time.

My goal with this massive cleaning is to get more organized, so it will be easier for all of us to be neater long term.  Everything will have a place to go.  What’s the point of doing all of this work if I am going to turn around in two weeks and find it looks the same as it did in the BEFORE video.?? For example, in the bathroom, I emptied out the linen closet and all of the drawers, creating space for all of the toiletries that had been on the counter. I filled up six garbage bags with vintage items like a pain-killer prescription from 1998. I remember getting it after the birth of my son.  Then there was the jar of Bugs Bunny vitamins that expired in 2005. I also discovered some old makeup from 2002.  It’s MAC. I think I was saving it for the recycling program. Do they still have that? As I purged, I also uncovered a lot of dust.  A big thank you to my husband who took out all of the trash bags and followed me around the house with a vacuum and duster.

As for the Halloween Candy, it’s still here. In fact, I am nibbling on a KitKat right now as I write this.  I liked Amy’s idea of weeding through it because there are definitely a few treats that no one in our family would ever eat.   I just don’t know if I have the patience to do it.    I might try @tweenmom’s idea during winter break and invite some boys over for ice cream with candy bar bits.  My son suggested we try to make blizzards.  After that,  the candy selection should be nice and picked over, and I can toss whatever is left without feeling too badly about it.

If you have been following my blog, then you know I am on a mission to eliminate the clutter in my house. You’ve seen the sales signs “Everything Must Go”???  It’s been the purge of the decade at our house.  But when I got to the Halloween Candy, I could not bring myself to  throw it away.  If it were up to my husband, he would have tossed it 2 weeks ago, but I wouldn’t let him.   That’s because every now and then mom needs a KitKat fix.  And I am not the only one digging in the bags.    I found empty wrappers mixed in with the candy today.   I am sure my boys and their friends are enjoying a little treat now and then.  Who knows maybe hubby just wants it gone because he doesn’t want to eat anymore of it??

So I asked my friends on Facebook and Twitter if they had any advice on what to do with all of this leftover candy. 

@mogelsonlevy -Freeze and use for baking (I better learn to bake. Do you have any personal recipe favorites? I found these recipes on line. )

@tweenmom–Freeze, then use the blender or coffee bean grinder to make ice cream sprinkles, bits for brownies and cookies, bits to stir in coffee (Feels very Coldstone Creamery. I like it)

@realwomengolf– we just moved ours to the basement pantry.  We think of it as an emergency supply.  (Isn’t there always a candy emergency?)

@mthoe-we tuck it away up high in the cupboards for kids to have as dessert

@tfk-keep and stash

@dazarian-daughter keeps it under her bed (for how long?)

Notice the trend.   They are all keeping it.  Not one replied to throw it away.   For me, I think the real issue is waste.  There must be 10-15 dollars worth of candy in those bags.  The little bag of KitKats I bought to pass out on Halloween cost like 3 or 4 bucks.  Maybe I could donate it?  Anyone know an organization that wants candy? What if I threw in a few canned goods with it? 

 Or if I freeze it, could we pass it out next Halloween?

What I like about cleaning is you see results.  And I am a results driven kinda gal.  Originally, I set out to do this home makeover in a week.  After taking a stab at my first pile, I am thinking it may take me the rest of the December to finish, if I am lucky.    That’s okay though, right??  One must set realistic expectations.   This mess wasn’t built in a day and it’s not going to be erased in a day either.   

So as I go through this de-cluttering process, I am learning about myself, my family and how cleaning together can be a team-building experience.

First Observation:  I must have some type of complex about throwing things away.  I found school lunch menus from 2008. I also found tons of  the boys’ old homework projects that went back almost six years.   I also unearthed somewhere in the back corner of a cabinet, a preschool class photo and my son’s 2004-2005 school yearbook. 

Secondly, I learned it’s okay to involve the kids.  When they were younger, we had to clean when they weren’t around because they wanted to keep everything .  This time around, at ages 11 and 12, they were actualy helpful and they enjoyed the trip down memory lane.   We evaluated the items together and then we agreed on where each toy, project, or game should end up.  There were 3 options: Trash, Attic or Donate. We ended up with 4 filled garbage bags, one save box and two full donate boxes. 

Thirdly, I found out, in order to clear out the clutter,  sometimes you make a temporarily bigger mess in other areas of the home.  For instance, the dining room table is now holding the donate boxes and packing tape. 

As I like to say. Baby Steps.  Big Picture, it can only get better.  It certainly can’t get any worse. 

It’s one pile at at time. If I think of the house as a whole, it just gets too overwhelming.   But I have already made progress.  As I was uploading the video, I cleaned off and organized the desk area. Baby steps!!

I just needed a topic.  So I reflected on the events of my day and then it hit me.

My husband’s car was blocking mine in the driveway tonight, so he suggested I take his car to drive our son to hockey practice.   As I pulled out the driveway, I noticed the car was low on gas.  There was plenty of fuel to get me to and from the rink on this icy cold night.  But then I had this epiphany.  When was the last time I did something totally unexpected and nice for my husband? I racked my brain and I couldn’t remember.

Just the night before, he brought me hot tea in bed when I had a headache.  And he folded and put away all the kids’ laundry.   I really appreciated it.  I didn’t ask him to do it.  He just did it.

Then it occurred to me.  I would drop my son off at practice and head to Costco to fill up my hubby’s car with gas, on this, the coldest night of the season so far.  When I walked up to the pump, I wasn’t cold. I was all warm inside at the thought of what I was doing.  Judging by the size of my smile,  you would have thought I hit a 200 dollar pull tab.   All I could think about was:  What a sweet surprise this will be for him in the morning when he gets in the driver’s seat.

A typical day starts with the face below.

"What it's like being married to me"

Filling up a spouse’s gas tank is such a little thing.  Anyone reading this is probably shaking their head thinking, “That’s the nicest thing she’s done for her husband lately? What a joke.”    I think I am so focused on doing nice things for my kids, their friends and parents, I neglect my husband the most.

Now, I am determined to surprise him again,  sooner than later.

When is the last time you did something for your spouse or partner to surprise them? What did you do?  How did they react?