Tonight I am feeling exceptionally depressed.  Usually depression is there, hiding, but not far away.  Tonight it’s right here, in my face.  I have lost ana.  I don’t know where she is, where she went, but I have not at all forgotten about her.  I want her back.  Right now she is all I think about, and so it’s a wonder she doesn’t come back.  I don’t know what’s wrong.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I’m looking for her, anywhere I can think.  I go online and I go looking in different people.  I just keep eating, though, like a fatass.

So I want to go away for a week.  Just be mostly by myself, without stressed, and concentrate fully on ana.  I won’t be able to binge there, so I feel like it’ll be better.  I also want to stay here, though.  My heart wants to see him. It doesn’t want to leave and miss a chance to be with him.  But my feelings for ana will hopefully be stronger.  I need her.

I was watching a documentary on ”fat people”.  Haha, the stuff I watch, you know.  The doctors said, though, that the fat cells in your body never go away after you accumulate them, they just shrink.  It made me freak out, want to cry.  I don’t want to gain any more fat cells.  It’s disgusting.  It sounds disgusting and it looks disgusting and everyone knows it.  I’ve had so many people telling me if I just tried to be healthy that I would lose weight, and actually be able to keep it off.  But this documentary just proves further the things I’ve already known.  Half of fat people don’t even lose the weight, and the percentage of the ones who do and keep it off are even less.  That’s not going to be me.  I’m not going to waste my time, losing two pounds a freaking week.

I feel like the people around me need to change, too.  Or I need to get rid of them.  I feel like they just make me fatter.  When I go somewhere with someone who is fat, or when I am introducing someone I know to someone else I know who is fat, I always feel the need to tell them before, “they’re fat.  i already know.  they’re fat, and i do hate it”.  I want to say it, and maybe even have said it a few times.  but I don’t want to think I’m more fat just because of someone else being fat.  Does anyone else feel that way?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  Lots of food; shit.  But Friday I leave, and I hope I’ll fast.  I hope that there’s enough memory left of ana that I can do that.  And find her in the process.  A side note, I haven’t weighed myself in a while.  Way too fucking scared.

stay strong, lovelies.

Rodrigo Tello’s deflected first-half goal defeated a youthful Manchester United as Besiktas ended their 23-game unbeaten sequence at Old Trafford in the Champions League.

Sir Alex Ferguson – with qualification for the last 16 already assured – fielded an experimental line-up and gave some of Manchester United’s young brigade a chance to shine on the big European stage.

Gabriel Obertan was the most promising of the Old Trafford undercard, but the inexperience of a side also containing Danny Welbeck, Federico Macheda, Rafael da Silva and Darron Gibson was exposed as they failed to turn long periods of territorial domination into an end product.

And that long run without a loss, stretching back to when AC Milan won 1-0 at Old Trafford in February 2005, was broken when Tello’s long-range strike after 20 minutes took a touch off Rafael and beat keeper Ben Foster.

Besiktas’s veteran keeper Rustu emerged as his side’s hero in injury-time, rolling back the years to produce two fabulous saves in quick succession from Macheda and Wes Brown as United went in desperate search of an equaliser.

They were United’s last opportunities and the noisy band of Besiktas supporters inside Old Trafford celebrated wildly at the final whistle.

United boss Ferguson made eight changes from the side that won easily against Everton on Saturday, and while they were lively they created little to trouble the colourful Turkish international keeper Rustu.

More here Source:BBC

Thousands of documents stolen from the University of East Anglia in the UK appear to show that climate change data has been manipulated, on both sides of the Atlantic,  in order to strengthen the case that global warming is the result of human activity.  According to a recent article  in the Daily Telegraph newspaper, data actually shows that global temperatures are declining.  The article says:

“In one email Professor Phil Jones, director of the University’s respected Climatic Research Unit, referred to a ‘trick’ he applied to raw data to ‘hide the decline’ in global temperatures.”

Another article quotes extracts of email exchanges, clearly never intended to be seen by the public:

From: Kevin Trenberth (US National Center for Atmospheric Research). To: Michael Mann (Pennsylvania State University). Oct 12, 2009
“The fact is that we can’t account for the lack of warming at the moment and it is a travesty that we can’t… Our observing system is inadequate”

Prof Trenberth appears to accept a key argument of global warming sceptics – that there is no evidence temperatures have increased over the past 10 years.

And …

From: Phil Jones. To: Many. March 11, 2003
“I will be emailing the journal to tell them I’m having nothing more to do with it until they rid themselves of this troublesome editor.”

Prof Jones appears to be lobbying for the dismissal of the editor of Climate Research, a scientific journal that published papers downplaying climate change.

And maybe the most telling…

From Phil Jones. To: Michael Mann (Pennsylvania State University). Date: May 29, 2008
“Can you delete any emails you may have had with Keith re AR4? Keith will do likewise.”

Climate change sceptics tried to use Freedom of Information laws to obtain raw climate data submitted to an IPCC report known as AR4. The scientists did not want their email exchanges about the data to be made public.

……………………..

There are now calls for a public inquiry over data manipulation claims.

I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions on this.  If you’ve been visiting here a while, you probably already have a good idea of how I feel about it.

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How Easy Is To Lose Belly Fat – Discover Reading This Article

Losing belly has turn out to be a problem? There is hope for you, my friend. There are numerous ways to get this feat, although it’s hard to lose belly fat seems. Losing belly fat is often a difficult process, but it is possible!

Claim your free copy of Rob Poulos’s “7 Secrets Of Permanent Fat Loss & Fitness” at his website:
Click Here for 7 Secrets! and see for your self the simplicity of losing belly fat .

You may have tried many different diets before, maybe even combined with train, but there is a reason you’re still out there trying to find out how to lose belly fat. I’m here to help. There are many different combinations of diet and exercise you can lose belly fat. All you require is a bit of discipline and hard work that will pay off in the end, believe me!

You need to carefully monitor your fluid intake if you are looking to lose belly fat. Eating the wrong foods and drinking the incorrect fluids just equals wrong altogether.I myself have to say I’m not a big fan of water in terms of taste, but there are many different options, I’m sure you know. Crystal Light, low-calorie sports drinks. My personal favorite: water and lemons. Over the years I’ve started adding lemon juice to my ice cubes, and I must say it tastes like perfection. Try to avoid fruit juices, chocolate drinks, and refreshments. I know, are tasty, but we want to reach our goal of losing belly fat as likely, right?

Cardiovascular workouts are great for losing belly fat. Combined with eating right and drinking enough liquids (good liquids), cardio exercise will help to dramatically speed up the weight loss process. There are different activities you can do as a cardio workout.

You can work out at home, outside, at the gym, and ultimately, wherever it’s most convenient. Running, walking, swimming, dancing and biking are some great exercises for losing belly fat. An ideal time for their training is within the range of 30-45 minutes, 3-5 times a week.
No matter what you decide on nutrition or exercise, be sure to get yourself a good multivitamin, and for detoxifying the system, rising your fiber intake and increases body wrap. Without the proper vitamins, minerals, and detoxification, you may be halting your weight loss efforts before they even begin.

Rob Poulos is a famous fitness author, fat loss expert, and the founder and CEO of Zero to Hero Fitness. Rob produced the world’s most efficient method for fast and permanent fat loss with his Fat Burning Furnace system to help those searching to put an end to restrictive fad diets, long boring cardio workouts, and the need for super-human willpower for good.

The U.S. dollar continued its slide Monday and gold touched another record high.

The greenback started falling after Federal Reserve official James Bullard said the central bank should continue to buy mortgage-backed securities after the program is supposed to expire in March. That would continue to keep interest rates low.

Gold was closing in on $1,200 an ounce Monday.(CBC)

The U.S. dollar traded lower against six other major currencies. The Canadian dollar rose 1.22 cents to 94.70 cents US in morning trade.

Commodities ? which are priced in U.S. dollars? also moved higher.

Commodities were also boosted by improved hopes of economic recovery on word of an increase in existing U.S. homes sales. Purchases rose 10.1 per cent in October to a 6.1-million annual rate ? the highest level since February 2007 ? partly because of a tax credit aimed at first-time buyers, according to the National Association of Realtors. The median sales price decreased 7.1 per cent.

Gold soared to a record.

December bullion futures gained $24.40 during the morning to reach $1,171.20 an ounce in New York. The metal was helped, too, by word from Russia’s central bank that it increased its gold holdings last month by half a million ounces to 19.5 million ounces.

Crude oil ?Canada’s largest export? rose with the December contract adding $1.97 to trade at $79.44 a barrel on the New York Mercantile Exchange.

The move up in commodities helped the Toronto stock market, with its many mining and energy stocks. The S&P/TSX composite index gained 130.6 points to 11,709.9 in morning trade.

Canadian dollar slidesDollar General may go public next week

I have heard that I will miss you when “you’re gone,”
I have heard that I will miss you when “I am gone,”
You’re here-
and I can’t-
LOVE you.
You are here now
and you can’t-
LOVE me.

I do not want to lose what closeness is between us-
but I feel that I already have.
I feel when I go-
you WILL miss me-
but you will have came too late.
You will have been too late upon responding to my heart-

Why can’t you see-

I am BEGGING for your love, but you don’t see it.
I am PLEADING for your support-
but you are both too blinded by the
PAIN
FRUSTRATION
ANGER
you have with one another.

I can’t stay here,
I KNOW my calling is in a place I desire not to be in,
but I know my faith is calling me there,
but you won’t understand.

I don’t want to lose our relationships,
but I don’t want to lose (what is left of) our relationships.

I don’t want to not love you anymore.

10lbs, 12 workouts, 20 days…solid effort…

Congrats Mann!  You are now the second trainee to graduate from the on ramp beginner’s program.  Time to get into the real work, hahahaha!

Mann’s Workout (On ramp #12 of 12, thx to Nikki from CrossFit Norcal for the program!  www.crossfitnorcal.com)

Buy in:
Short CFWU (CrossFit WarmUp), then row for 10 minutes at an easy pace

WOD:
Run 400m
15 Squats
12 Pushups
9 Body Rows
Run 400m

Mann’s time on day 1 = 6:54
Mann’s time today = 6:02

Cash out:
Work up to heavy TGUs (Turkish get ups)

A problem I had when I started eating supportively was I got bored very quickly with my 2 snacks per day.  Snacks containing protein were pretty cyclical.  Cottage cheese, chobani yogurt with some fruit, an apple and a string cheese, red pepper strips with hummus.  Those were pretty much my 4 staples.  I had no idea what to eat, especially not something quick that I could grab and go.  I love chickpeas, and I had a friend tell me she likes to roast hers, and so I created my own variation.  It included (of course) curry, salt free all-purpose seasoning, and olive oil.  That’s it.  See how I made it here:

P.S. In the video, I say these can be frozen and eaten thawed.  While this is true, they are much better quality when they are eaten warm, or from the fridge.  But to freeze, put them in a single layer and then once frozen, put them into a freezer bag.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL JUICE FEAST DAY!!!

On Sunday, November 29th 2009 at 5-7 PM, a spectacular event will be taking place all over the world. Dave the Raw Food Trucker is hosting an international juice feast day to honor Gabriel Cousens and all he has done for mankind. Please join us, host your own house party, get together with friends, celebrate health. The idea is to drink low glycemic juices or smoothies for as long as you feel you need to. Could be 1 day or 100. Give your body a chance to relax, heal, recuperate, and get back on track as we all experience the top notch health our bodies deserve. For more info go to http://www.rawexistence.com/Dave-raw-food-truck-driver.html

Post questions and comments here on day of event. Sunday, Nov. 29th 5-7PM— Pacific Standard Time

An organization will not begin the transformation until it is aware that the quality of the product or service must be improved. Awareness comes about when an organization loses market share or realizes that quality and productivity go hand in hand. It also occurs if TQM is mandated by the customer or if management realizes that TQM is a better way to run business and compete in domestic and world markets.

Automation or other productivity enhancements might not help a corporation if it is unable to market its product or service because the quality is poor. The Japanese learned this fact from practical experience. They could sell their products only at ridiculously low prices, and even then it was difficult to secure repeat sales. Until recently, corporations have not recognized the importance of quality. However, a new attitude has emerged—quality first among the equals of cost and service—the customer wants value.

Quality and productivity are not mutually exclusive. Improvements in quality can lead directly to increased productivity and other benefits. The improved quality results in improvement in productivity, capacity, and profit. Many quality improvement projects are achieved with the same workforce, same overhead, and no investment in new equipment.

More and more corporations are recognizing the importance and necessity of quality improvement if they are to survive domestic and world-wide competition. Quality improvement is not limited to the conformance of the product or service to specifications; it also involves the inherent quality in the design of the system. The prevention of the product, service, and process problems is a more desirable objective than taking corrective action after the product is manufactured or a service rendered.

TQM does not occur overnight; there are no quick remedies. It takes a long time to build the appropriate emphasis and techniques into the culture. Over-emphasis on short term results and profits must be set aside so long-term planning and constancy of purpose will prevail.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, and my Lectures.

Like most people, I love Chinese food.  Also like most people, I have a really hard time going out (especially to the amazing, expansive buffets) and eating only supportively.  Given the fact that they drench, bread, pork fry, tempura, and duck sauce the heck out of everything, it’s really hard to go out and not cave to temptation.

I love, love, LOVE  beef and broccoli.  It’s sooo good, and really easy to make.  So, I created my own at home.  Instead of take-out, I call this my “fake-out”. 

Here’s my recipe:

First, I took some olive oil and softened one small white onion, a tablespoon or so of chopped garlic, a tablespoon of fresh, shredded ginger (you can use powder, or omit if you just want a savory, beef-brothy kind of “sauce”), and about 1/2 a teaspoon of cumin in it.  Once it was a little soft, I added a little broth (chicken worked for me because it’s what I had on hand, but you can certainly use beef; I just was using up something I had in the fridge), and started browning 12 ounces of 93% lean ground beef in it. 

Now, what I like best about this recipe is the SPEED!  It is SO fast.  Literally, from softening onions to plate time is 15 minutes or less.  Awesome, speedy, and delicious; what’s better than that?!

Once the beef is just shy of all-the-way-cooked-through, I put in a package of frozen broccoli (in this case, I used spears), and covered it until the broccoli was a bright, vibrant green, and the beef was totally browned.  I cut and freeze diced red peppers on the weekend, so I threw those in for some color at the end, again, just till they were bright and colorful, not to overcook them into mush.  Once they were done, I topped with peanuts and sesame seeds, and VOILA!  Chinese food at home for a fraction of the cost, as good tasting,  definitely better for you, and waaaay cheaper than you pay eating out. 

Here’s what it looked like:

Beef with broccoli

You can absolutely make this with shrimp, chicken, vegetarian or with tofu, scallops, beef strips instead of ground beef; whatever you have on hand!  Use what you’ve got, eat what you like, and enjoy your Chinese at home without the take-out box!

Shares of Mississauga-based auto insurer Kingsway Financial Services plunged 42 per cent Tuesday.

The price fell $1.24 to $1.70 on a volume of more than six million shares after the Pennsylvania Department of Insurance sought to reverse the company’s donation of its indirect interest in Lincoln General Insurance Co. to a charity.

Kingsway Financial 3-month chart

Kingsway announced last month it planned to shed the unit by donating all of the stock to 20 U.S. charities.

But the Pennsylvania Department of Insurance announced Monday it planned to pursue legal action to unwind the donations because it did not approve the Oct. 19 deal. The department contends the change in control without approval violates Pennsylvania law.

York, Pa.-based Lincoln lost $95.5 million in its latest quarter. Its primary business was providing insurance to the trucking industry.

Kingsway insisted in a statement that the department “has no legal basis for demanding the unwinding of the donations.”

(With files from Canadian Press)

More stores accept food stampsRIM to buy back $1.2B of own stock

If I could eat one thing every day for the rest of my life, it would, hands-down, be hummus.  Hummus, in Arabic, means “chickpea,” and considering that’s the main ingredient, well, it makes sense.  Chickpeas are packed with protein and good fats, and they are just sooo darn good. 

One of the main reasons I love this recipe so much is because it’s so easy, and so changeable.  You can pretty much switch it up and add whatever you like, and the end result will be equally delectable.

The most basic recipe contains, simply, 2 cans of chickpeas (leave the juice of half a can, drain the other one completely), a tablespoon or two of olive oil (depends on whether you use lots of lemon juice or not), lemon juice (1/2 a lemon or more, again, depending on your taste), salt to taste (or omit), and garlic (1 to 2 cloves).  Tahini and any additives are simply preference based.  Play with this recipe, please!!  It’s MUCH cheaper to make your own hummus, and hummus is good with anything; I like it with veggies (especially red peppers), but it’s equally good with crackers, pita thats been sliced in strips (good for dipping) and toasted, bread, or *cough* straight from the spoon.

I use a food processor, but have also made it in my blender.  If thats what you have to use, I suggest adding the liquids (1/2 the can of the chickpea can water, lemon juice, and olive oil) first, then the chickpeas, just helps the blender blades go more smoothly.

Here’s how I make it:

Some add-in options to mix in- (I would avoid blending add in’s ’till the very end, and then quickly pulse them in to combine with your hummus base):

•  lemon (instead of juicing it, throw the entire whole lemon in; you’ll get the pulp and lemon pieces. YUM!)
• oil-cured black olives (super-salty, if sodium is an issue for you, but unbelievable combo of flavor)
• roasted red peppers
• chile or cayenne for some spice
• spinach leaves
• more garlic
• onions
• chives
• cumin

*Addendum for those who have e-mailed me about the football I was watching on a Saturday-yes, it was football, and yes it was Saturday.  YES IT WAS COLLEGE FOOTBALL, NOT NFL

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
–Cyril Connolly

Here’s another good quote from Janice Semmel. I’ve heard this quote before, but Janice brought it to my attention once again

Loving this quote because once again it reinforces my belief in being yourself and knowing yourself and not being influenced to a great degree by anyone else. When you start doing things for other people instead of yourself, you start to lose who you are in those action. When you’re making choices based on another person, how do you know what you truly want?

This is something I did one day just for myself. I love it and I'm designing another one to get hopefully soon

I don’t write this blog for anyone but myself. I don’t care how many views I get and I don’t care what you think of my opinions. I’m challenging myself to blog regularly to see if I can, and I like it – for the most part. Maybe not doing it everyday, but it gives me a goal to achieve. I think after I’m done with the 30 day quote one, I might start up one about pictures. Probably not 30 consecutive days, but 30 days total. Sound like a good idea? I think so! haha.

Anyway, have a good night… or morning, or afternoon

Questioooon: What’s something you like to do just for yourself?

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FisierulMeu.Ro

Ich hatte heute nacht einen Traum und dieser Traum war leider wahr. Der Referent fraß Zeichen, wie sein Bild und umgekehrt geschah es auch gleich wieder. In meinem Kopf war alles wirr und bunte Bilder flogen wild durch einen konstruierten Raum, der seine Gestalt ständig verlor. Es ging sehr schnell und langsam vor sich. Grenzen schwammen, bebten und flossen auf Eindrücken und losen Landschaften daher. Mein Blickpunkt sprengte sich selbst und ich wurde eins, dass alles aufging.

We all have our battles.

Battles we’ve gone through before. Battles we’ve yet to get through. Battles we are currently facing.

Battles we’ve won. Battles we’ve lost and battles we’ve drawn.

We all have our battles.

The thing that makes us all unique, is how we face up to the battle. How do we approach the battle?

Do we go straight at it? Head-on like a football defense line?

Do we swerve around it? Like a slalom skier?

Do we run away from it? Like a person in front of a huge grizzly bear?

Or do we dance to it? Like those breakdancers who b-boy or b-girl their way to the top?

Every battle should have a battle plan. Every battle has a winning side and a losing side. Every battle is tough.

Every battle is complicated.

My battle is complicated.

I’m sitting here in the dark, in the middle of the night trying to decide if there’s still any fight in me to fight my personal battles.

Everytime I turn off the lights, my demons haunt me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat properly. I can only binge. I can’t fight for myself anymore, I’m fighting for the person that I want me to be. I’m fighting for the person the world sees me to be. I am fighting for the person I want the world to see.

And it’s hard not to fight for me. It’s hard to fight for this person who doesn’t want to lose. It’s hard to fight for somebody who doesn’t want to back down.

Personal battles are the worst. They drain the life out of you. They take up a lot of fight in you.

Personal battles are a menace.

I want to win this battle, but I feel like I’m on the losing end.

I want to fight, but all I feel is the compulsion to fly.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to do.

Switzerland beat hosts Nigeria 1-0 to win the 2009 Fifa Under-17 World Cup in Abuja…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: premier league soccer. For a different topic see disney crowd levels. The blog is also related to: fantasy soccer.

George Burley’s 22-month reign as boss of Scotland looks like coming to an end this week, BBC Scotland has learned…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: indoor soccer. The blog is also related to: english championship soccer.

that’s a belt for you! do you think it’s a good gift idea? would you ever give it to someone who must lose weight and wants to make a serious effort at it??

http://www.thinkaloo.com

“The road to a championship should always be a fun one. If it’s not fun, then everything you invested is for nothing, win or lose.”

Words spoken to me by a truly wonderful person.  Words that can apply to so many situations.  These words were aimed specifically toward a situation where some youngsters were playing their hearts out to win a championship game.  However, it can be applied to many situations, the Miss Refined International contest for instance, playing Second Life in general, or even real life.

I am enjoying my journey on this path.  The blogging is almost therapeutic.  The challenges are interesting.  The path, I am sure, will be rewarding.

Are you enjoying your journey today?