You struck again.

I know you don’t have a life but must you resort to that evil thing you do? I get that you don’t have a decent personality and that that can be bothersome sometimes. I don’t know what people of your stature do to remedy your situation, and it’s not like I speak in behalf of people who are actually interesting, and it’s not like I feel like you’re due my advice, but creating online networking accounts of people you know or like isn’t going to solve your problem. It’s not gonna solve it, and your life will be so much better if you stop lurking around the web.

Asshole, stop making fake Facebook/G4M/gay site accounts.

I know, it’s all so fascinating! The emergence of such technologies! The super easy way by which we can now be ‘connected’ to people we know/like/hate/goof with via that ubiquitous of social networking sites is just precious! But you, you fucker, you have no shame. You know what you did and you have the gall to show up in places where people are sure to quietly judge and hate you.

That thing that we went to, if I was acting like a decent human being to you during those few times when I had to deal with you, even take pictures with you, heck, even take your picture, if that looked like I’m okay with you around, it was only because I can not murder you in front of 30 witnesses. Take a hint, motherfucker. We don’t want your company because you’re two-faced and both are ugly.

It looks to me like you’ve already given up on your own life that you thought you can take the life of someone else, a relative even, even someone you’re ostensibly in good terms with, and cultivate this life online with your pathetic aura. You can’t. Actually, you can if you weren’t such an idiot. I already caught you once because you are such an idiot.

If it sounds like I’m harping on about something so petty, it’s because it’s not so petty. I’ve been in trouble for online shit before and these online things we create for ourselves are the reality of our time. I definitely do not wish to become a victim of my OWN stupidity, again, by making problematic statements online, you know the type, and no matter how innocent you think your little website is, it has the capacity to ruin you. Really and truly. And so when I discover certain gay social networking accounts (what is shortcut for social networking sites?) I have no recollection of creating, I get angry and make sweet letters like this.

I hate to emphasize the obvious but I feel like an explanation is in order since I’m completely out of character because I never say anything hateful in here!  And so that automatically makes me averse to being made to look like a fool through the deed of an ugly moron. And to people who know me and read this, forgive me, but I’ve just been wronged. And if it’s any consolation, this wave of anger was brought about because someone I used to care so much about was wronged by the same person in the same manner.

I can not comprehend you and I wish you’d stop your evil ways. I can’t really threaten you with anything but the next time I catch you, ipapabugbog kitang talaga. Unlike your head, this threat is not empty.

Greetings, good fortune has allowed me the opportunity to ask Toni Oswald some questions about The Diary of Ic Explura album, A Love Letter to the Transformer.

First of all, it is a really, really incredible album, and I find it extremely listenable yet challenging in a good way. There is a lot of unusual music on the album, yet it is formatted in what I consider an extremely palatable way.

The album is titled A Love Letter to the Transformer, and you’ve mentioned it is a Lou Reed reference. Does it specifically reference the album Transformer by Lou Reed? If so, how?

Well, possibly (Laughs). What that is about is that I initially wanted to write a whole album of love songs to Lou Reed and I did write some of those songs, but only one of them ended up on the album. I won’t say which as I think it is about so much more now and I don’t want to take away the listener’s experience and what they may read into things because that is such a wonderful experience: Finding your own meaning and stories in music. Also, because it is a story. The album goes with a book I wrote and all of the songs fit into that story – this album, being part one. As for the whole “transformer” thing, as I began to write more songs I realized there was something much bigger inside of this – A bigger story than my love songs to Lou Reed (Laughs), and also at that particular time in my life I was going through a dramatic transformation. It was very painful but beautiful at the same time, and all of the ideas around transforming became very interesting to me. This story is something that had to come through me. I could not stop it and in the process it has continued to transform me in many ways. So, it is a love letter to the process of transformation, along with a love letter to a particular time in my life.

Since the album deals with transformation, would you care to give some thoughts on transformation, or that particular time in your life?

Well, I am always thinking about transformation really. This is the creative act and it is something I am doing in my life as well all of the time. All of life is constantly changing and mutating. Who I am today is not who I was yesterday, and so on into infinity – the piece A Love Letter to the Transformer is my love letter to that process and also to different people and spirits who have either encouraged me to change and transform or even forced me to do so at times. It is based on some specific times in my life that were both amazing and also very difficult as well and really the only way to make sense out of any of it was to transform, to grow and also to realize that this ability to transform is a great gift for all of us. One must shed the old skin to begin again so to speak. [We must] burn in the flames and rise again. My sun sign is Scorpio, so I suppose on that level it is natural for me to be focused on these ideas of transformation, as Scorpio rules this. I have found in my life many times that if I do not transform, I get stuck. Sometimes it is very painful as well, but necessary.

Prelude starts off with some really cool synth and drum playing, then rises into what is kind of a pretty rockin’ guitar part. It almost feels with the rock guitar part like you are having fun with the listeners, like “this is going to be a rock album,” and then you pretty much abruptly cut that off. To me, it’s like that macho element has been disrupted and then some grainy synth line introduces Space is Dawning. It seems like a sort of ushering in a new emotion, while giving a nod to older style rock. Is any of that intentional, do you see what I mean?

What an interesting idea! I didn’t plan it that way, but I like that idea. I think I was really just thinking about David Bowie and the Spiders from Mars at that moment (laughs). Josh [Klinghoffer] played the guitar part and I think it was just a fun thing to do and I wanted some kind of guitar in the beginning, as I love guitars!

Are the synth parts through out the first two songs divided between you and Josh, or just you?  

They are divided between us. It was very loose and improvisational in many ways. I would have a feeling in my head relating to the story and Josh and I would play around and find something that resonated to that.

Was the album recorded to tape?

It was actually recorded on digital 8 track.

What was it mixed down to?

Hmm, Josh did that. I think just a master CD and then eventually my friend Martyn Lenoble dumped it into his computer and mastered it properly.

I think you said it was recorded at John Frusciante’s house, was it recorded on the “King Crimson” 8-track?

(Laughs) What is that? I would lie to believe that! It was recorded at John’s using his 8-track that he had used to do a lot of the stuff from to record the Only Water for Ten Days album on. We used his synths, too.

The reference to the King Crimson 8-track was about an article where John said that Curtains was recorded on the same 8-track as In the Court of the Crimson King.  I always wondered if he meant that literally the same, or the same model. Then wondered if you had recorded on the same.

Curtains from Niandra La Des? I think he meant one like King Crimson (laughs). I recorded on a different 8-track of his.

Are there any plans to release the book that this album is in conjunction with? I am sure a lot of people are curious about the details of places such as Blossom City.

I would like to eventually release the book, but when I have shown it to people they feel it may be too expensive to reproduce, which I actually disagree with, but yeah I would like to. Right now I am working on the music for part two and when that is finished I would like the whole thing to come out really. I am also making some short films to go with the whole piece. Blossom City is a place of innocence, if that helps.

Inside/Outside is a really beautiful track, very atmospheric, and a little reminiscent of ice cream truck music towards the end. Was that intentional?

(Laughs) That’s funny. I didn’t have an ice cream truck feeling in my mind (laughs). It is actually a Wizard of Oz music box that I had at the time. I loooove music boxes and I wanted to use one as they feel very child like and nostalgic for me and so then Josh just mic’d it in the bathroom as I wanted an echo-y type feel for it. Also, in the story Ic Explura finds a glass music box cube in the forest and when she opens it the transformers’ creature friends jump out and start playing the song that comes next: The Harmonium Song.

On the track A Serious Dream, was the classical sounding part in the middle done with a keyboard?  The strings and woodwind sound really good!

Oh yes, here is the next song, A Serious Dream. It is a harmonium done in rounds, like when you sing, you know? It starts and then it starts again and then again kind of thing. I wanted it to feel like a dance, it is very much like a waltz for me. The middle part is a Mellotron, I think. It’s been a while (laughs). I work very spontaneously for the most part. My ideas are very, very specific and I am going for a very particular feeling when I write with this particular piece as it is a story, but everything is very open and free as to how one can get there. I like to try a lot of different routes if you know what I mean. For instance, I might have an idea where I want it to sound like a mountain falling in slow motion with a red filter tainting that image. So, the routes of music that we take to achieve that, like which instrument to use or combination of sounds, etc., are chosen very spontaneously, although sometimes I have a clear and defined idea of that, too (Laughs) Contradiction as always, you know, I just really like the actual process of things – how they come to life.

Would you say that the instrumental tracks are in a sense traveling some mood spectrum towards the vocal songs, and was that intentional if so?  

No, no intention in that direction. Basically for me, there are times where words are necessary to communicate and a lot of times they are not, they just get in the way. It is just going with a feeling really. Also important for this piece always is the fact that it is a story. The music fills in parts of the story. When the whole thing is finished it will be a musical in two parts, a diary, some film and a storybook and all of these parts fill in pieces to the puzzle of the entire story. You cannot see the full story without all of the parts.

The Longing – the vocals on this are really great. Do you remember if more than one mic was used for your vocals? I really like how they run into each other. And what is that first line? Inside this forming …?

Well thanks for that. Only one mic was used here. It was a Neumann mic and that’s why it sounds so great (laughs)! Sometimes I’ll do fill-in vocal takes to get that call-and-response or running-on-vocals style thing. The first line is, “Inside this forming I can see out.”

Is that you on tremolo guitar? Or Josh? Or both?

I believe it is both of us on this track and, of course, Josh is always doing the drums. I love the drums on this! I just adore his drumming so much!

Ic Lands – some great “channel changing” sounds start this off. It’s a lot of what some people would call mistakes or edit out, but it sounds terrific. Do you follow your ear in taking risks using what some people would consider non-musical sounds?

Oh yeah for sure. That is some of the best stuff. I love mistakes, or what ever you wanna call them. I like to think of them as the spirits bringing you gifts; helping you to find what’s underneath it all. All of us tend to be so afraid of mistakes and problems and all that jazz. In music and, more importantly, in life, but these mistakes or obstacles or problems, or whatever you wanna call them are there for us. If we are open enough to see that they have a very real magic of their own and if you can learn to work with them, I find that is where you can actually see great beauty and wisdom. And in music and in art, I think they mirror something more true to life as life is full of mistakes and obstacles and problems and so on but that is where all the learning takes place. It is the gold. In alchemy, the “negrito” comes first, before the gold.

Black Fish Pearls — What a marvelous piece of work! This is honestly one of my favorite songs in the world. It’s got great back-and-forth vocals, meeting up to display beautiful symmetry, beautiful music.  Is that ice shaking in a glass at 46 seconds into the song?

Thanks again. I don’t know actually! (Laughs) Josh did all of the percussion here and he did it at home after we recorded everything else and then brought it to me. I love all of that stuff, too, so much. It is a sea song of sorts.

Is that a dog barking during the instrumental towards the end?  I didn’t think John [Frusiante] had dogs. Were they sampled? Field recorded? Also, was that a spray paint can used as a shaker?

Well, those would be neighborhood dogs. John is a cat man (laughs). I don’t know anything about a spray paint can. As I said before. Josh did the percussion at his house.

The Lesson in Eight Parts – Is there any expanding you’d like to do on the title, or is the lesson something to be learned by listening? This is one awesome track that shows Avant-garde music fits right in with songwriting.  Reminiscent of Yoko Ono and John Cage.

The story here is that when Ic lands on the transformers planet, there is a magician of sorts who teaches her how to communicate only through sound, so these are her lessons. They are also games of chance, and that is a kiss to John Cage from me.

Any further words on John Cage, have you read Silence? I’ve been absorbing that book for a while now. Any particular favorite John Cage piece?

I have read Silence and a few other books of his. There is a great one called Conversations With Cage, which I adore. As far as his pieces go, I really love all of the prepared piano pieces.

The Mirrors in Him – another great track! No specific questions, but there are great breathy vocals. Tangled Up in Music – A lot of guitars happening here. Were these tracks all you?

Yes.

All in all, I think it’s a truly marvelous album that definitely rewards repeat listening. Thanks for making it and making it available!

Well, it’s not only a love letter to the transformer, but a love letter to life and all that exists.

You’ve mentioned in the recent past that you are getting ready to make another Diary of Ic Explura album with Max Davies.  Has work on that begun yet?

I have started writing and recording. So far it has been me as well Max and also some drumming by Pete Newsome, and Josh is going to do some stuff as well. There may be some more people as well. I have a wealth of amazing musicians here in Nevada City. Slowly, but surely. I should have it done by next spring at the latest. I am also making a film to go with the piece and when it is all finished I would like to put out parts 1 and 2 of the music on a vinyl set.

Somehow I had missed Invocation to My Demon Sister being posted on your MySpace,  Is this track going to be on the next album or is it mainly posted to share because it will not be?

It is an early demo for the next album.

Also, I’m sure people will also be curious about any intent you might currently have towards releasing The Desert in the Shape? Would you like to address that at all?

Well, I may put it online at one point and people can pay-a-few-bucks-and-then-watch-it kind of thing, or maybe for 10 bucks you can download it. I am so busy with other stuff; I don’t know when though. I have a friend who is going to do this for me most likely though, just want to protect the film though as I don’t want it all over the Internet. It is something from my heart and it is really meant to be seen in a theater, ideally speaking. I would only do it because people have expressed so much desire to see it.

Is there anything you’d like to say to anyone that may read this?

“Don’t try to build in the space you suppose
is future, Lydia, and don’t promise yourself
tomorrow. Quit hoping and be who you are
today. You alone are your life.
Don’t plot your destiny, for you are not future.
Between the cup you empty and the same cup
Refilled, who knows whether your fortune
Won’t interpose the abyss?”
-FERNANDO PESSOA

For more The Diary of Ic Explura info, please visit http://www.myspace.com/thediaryoficexplura

For hand crafted art items created by Toni, please visit her Etsy store at http://www.etsy.com/shop/seminafilligree

Toni is also involved in a collaboration project with Chris Oliver Sounds. Visit http://www.myspace.com/magicandfunmusic for more information.

Max Davies is a great singer/songwriter, and partner musically and otherwise with Toni. His songs and other information are at http://www.myspace.com/maxdavies

Words and photo by Ramble who has come from India to enjoy the little things London has to offer for a while. She blogs here and has allowed me to repost this entry to share with you because I loved it.

Dear London,

IT GOT pretty quiet around Rodney Hide since he paid back the money he spent on his infamous super-city-trip, but yet again a politician is in the limelight after a questionable overseas trip.

The debate about Hone Harawira and his email exchange with a member of the New Zealand public, in which he justified a private trip after skipping a tax payer-funded conference goes on for about a month now.

WORTH A TRIP? - Europe is a common destination for our politicians' big overseas experience (pic: art.com)

Instead of staying with an official delegation and attending a taxpayer-funded meeting in Brussels, Harawira had gone on a private trip to Paris.

Former Waitangi Tribunal director Buddy Mikaere approached Harawira via email on this matter – and got a rather unpleasant response.

TVNZ uses the term “strongly worded” to describe the reply Mr Mikaera got, the New Zealand Herald calls it an “angry email”.

Fact is: you needed almost as many blank-out-stars like this * as actual letters, if you wanted to display the context…

But “star”-struck displays in all leading media outlets and accusations of having made racist comments when reacting to the emails (referring to Pakeha as “white motherf.******”) were not the only results, Harawira’s actions led to.

The Maori Party announced to consider his future while Harawira was banned from Parliament for the last two weeks.

RENEGADE: Hone Harawira's emails are "star"-struck (pic:spasifikmag.com)

An apology made by Hone Harawira this week was welcomed by Mr Mikaere, who does not expect a “personal sorry”, the NZ Herald reports.

Harawira has made clear his intention to stay with the Maori Party, but a decision has yet to be made by his Tai Tokerau electorate and the Maori Party on whether he should resign. – read more

In a column, published in the Northland Age and displayed on the Maori Party’s website, Hone Harawira gives us more insight in his email inbox:

-Here’s a ‘love letter’ I got in the email. Enjoy it. I did.

“Dear Grim Reaper,

This year you have taken my favourite male actor, Patrick Swayze. You also took my favourite female actor, Farrah Fawcett Major, and my favourite entertainer and dancer, Michael Jackson.

I want to be sure you know that Hone Harawira is my favourite politician. Thanks.”-

 

 

- read the whole column here

- read more about the “angry email” between Harawira and Mikaere here

- watch a TVNZ clip on why Mr Mikaere went public with the emails here

Love Letter Wallpaper Pack

Download Link :

http://www.ziddu.com/download/7379757/Love_Letter_wallpack.rar.html

Beloved One

Beloved One,

Come now, let us reason together…you shall not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night that you may be certain to do all that is written within it.  Only then will you make your way prosperous and then you will have good success.  Have I not commanded you Myself?  So be strong and of good courage, My child, do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for I am the Lord, your God, and I am with you wherever you go.  Beloved, I know the plans and thoughts that I think toward you…thoughts of peace and not of evil…plans to give you a future and a hope.  So meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.  Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine.  Continue in them, for in doing so, you will save both yourself and those who hear you.  For My Word is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and it is a discerner of the thoughts and the very intents of the heart.

Little One of Christ, you know that all scripture is given by the inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the child of God may be complete, lacking nothing and thoroughly equipped for every good work.  Therefore little one, in looking forward to things to come, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless.  I charge you therefore, Preach the Word!  Be ready in season and out of season!  You have carefully followed My doctrine, My manner of life, purpose, faith, long-suffering, love, perseverance, persecutions, and afflictions…what persecutions I endured!  Yet out of them all, the Father delivered Me!  Yes, and all who desire to live Godly in Christ Jesus, will suffer persecution.  Therefore my love, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of My sufferings, that when My Glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy!  For this reason, you will also suffer these things, never the less, do not be ashamed, but know Whom you have trusted and be persuaded and fully convinced that I am able to keep what you have committed to me that day.

Therefore, let those who suffer according to the Will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good as to a Faithful Creator.  My beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in My presence only , but now much more in My absence be assured and certain: We will be here as you work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God Who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.  Be ever confident in this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ…

Beloved, this is like the waters of Noah to Me…for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah would no longer cover the Earth, so I have sworn that I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.  For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my loving-kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed.  Do you not that I, the Lord have called you in righteousness?  I will hold your hand!  Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, beloved, you are mine!  Can a mother forget her nursing child and not have compassion on the son of her womb?  Though they may forget…I will never forget you!  Look!  See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My Hands! You are precious and honored in My sight, and I love you…I will give men for you and people in exchange for your life!  Please fear not, for I am with you always…lo, even until the end of ages.  Do you not know that no man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life?  For as I was with Moses, so shall I be with you.  I will never leave you, I will never forsake you…Please be strong and of good courage!

You are My servant whom I Myself have chosen.  You are a descendant of Abraham My friend!  I have taken you from the ends of the Earth, I have called you from the farthest regions and said to you, ‘you are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you away:  fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed my love…

For I Am your God,

I will strengthen you…

Yes, I will help you…

I will uphold you in My righteous right Hand!

Love,

El Shaddai

Verses in order:

Isaiah 1: 18, Joshua 1: 8-9, Jeremiah 28: 11, 1Tim 4: 15-16, Hebrews 4: 12, 2Tim 3: 16-17, 2Peter 3: 14, 2Tim 4: 1-2, 2Tim 3: 10-12, 1Peter 4: 12-13, 2Tim 1: 12, 1Peter 19, Philippians 2: 12, Philippians 1: 6, Isaiah 54: 9-10, Isaiah 42: 6, 43: 1, 49: 15, 43: 4, Matthew 28: 20, Joshua 1: 5, Isaiah 41: 8-10

Dear You,

I will speak ever so boldly now, and exploit this space of freedom.  I have found a reason most compelling, and that is to prevent the bursting of my heart.  I’ve been keeping these things since you called my name.  My heart responded as if reuniting with a friend in your voice, like a long lost oar that has found its boat (which has begun to believe the ground is the sea).  Your voice awakened the fibers of the verses that are hidden within the creases of my soul.  Here they go again, forming flowers, trees, mountains — the scene that greets my mornings as I open my window.

You are to me as a soul to an angel; your visitations delight my hours.  May God bless you for what you are!

Your eyes speak a melody, your eyes, harmony and from both a symphony that I can touch I string into beads of laughter — how you make my heart happy!  I love.  I lost my object, pardon.  We have become one, apparently, and to say I love you means to say I love myself (selfish, you may say).  You have shattered my syntax, too.

The sound of your lashes awaken the sleeping hills, the lines on your quizzical brow make the mountains think.  The very gait through which you carry yourself scoops the very air that I breath, so I have no recourse but to follow you from afar and replenish my creative life.

Pardon me for the many words I must muster to say I am thinking of you now.  I will see you again, but you will never know this, unless some angel pities me, whispers these words to your ear while you sleep, so in your dreams, there we’ll be, me and you, escaping the night together.

Your other,

Me

Picture the scenario.  It’s deep into the early hours of the morning and a forlorn figure casts a small shadow courtesy of a bedside lamp; with just a glass of Ribena, a new notepad and an ocean of words to work with.  That was me last night.  Running on empty, I still couldn’t sleep.  So, deriving from this recent post, I took it upon myself to write an extremely long letter.  It was painful.  But not in a cathartic sense due to the content, it was more to do with the fact that I was struggling to generate real written content.  Longhand.  But still I persevered until I completed what I set out to do.  And that was to try and write, to the best of my ability, everything my head and heart wants to say.  A love letter, if you wish.  And to be honest, it felt good.  But, like the title of this post, it has now taken up residence in my man drawer.  Confined to living with a few wires and a pair of glasses for the rest of its life, it will never be posted.  There’s simply no point.  Everything I have to say is inconsequential.  It no longer holds any weight as my words always fall prey to deaf ears.  There’s nothing I can do that I’ve not already done.  Instead I’ll post an excerpt here.

Dear Lara

My empress, it’s impossible to articulate just how much you mean to me.  Changing together in our formative years, transmuting into the people we are today, you are part of me.  Parts of who you are made me the Chris I know as me today.  If that even makes sense.  I have never loved anyone as spiritually as I love you, and I’ll never again find or experience the perpetual bliss that was you.  You and you alone complete me.  Always and forever.  The way it’s always been.  And even though it’s been nearly 3 months since I last saw you, you’ve never actually left me.  You come to visit me each and every night when I’m asleep.

The past 10 years I’ve known you, my soul has grown more and more entwined.  There’s is nothing worse in this world than being separated from you.  Together I can cope with almost anything.  Apart I simply cannot survive.  I can barely breath.  Living without you is unbearable.  I know I should be stronger than this but I’m not.  I’ve tried to deal with it ‘cos it’s necessary.  But time’s passed and I still can’t accept it, which is why having you back in my life is a necessity.  I know you say you’re not in a position to drop everything so we can be together again right now, but I hope the possibility still remains for sometime in the near future.  Granted, I’d even forced myself to give up all hope on this possibility, albeit very reluctantly, but giving up hope on a lifelong dream is not an easy thing to do.  My world hasn’t been filled with bright, vivid, happy colours since the day you said goodbye.  I died that day.  You’re a void that absolutely nothing else is able to fully fill.  I’m so hungry for something I can’t grasp; helpless to do anything about it.  I want to call and text you everyday just to feel alive again, if only for a moment.  I miss you so much.  I don’t want to love a ghost any longer.  In the past 12 months you’ve become more than just a dream.  You’re an ideal for everything that should be.  Everything I’ve ever wanted.  You represent my hopes, dreams and potentials.  You’re the perfect balance of passion and friendship.  An ideal that every other women on this planet could never live up to.

09/24/09

My darling little one. 

Tonight is another quiet night. The crickets seem lazy and I can see the moon from where I’m sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. 

I want to start writing to you, in the hopes that you will seem more real. Even at 9 months pregnant, you still seem so far away, like you’re still just an idea all cozy in my uterus. There’s no doubt you’re really there, oh no, I can feel you push up into my ribs or down against my bladder and even though your movements are sometimes uncomfortable, I have never experienced anything cooler than your stretches, acrobatics, and even your tiny hiccups. 

I guess this is a love letter, because already I’m head-over-heels in love with you. You began as just a little blob of cells, changed into a sea monkey, and now you are a real little human being wiggling inside me. Even though you are going to turn my world upside down, I can’t wait for you to be in my arms! I know you are going to teach me so much, just as I am going to do my very best to teach you everything I know, as we explore the world together. 

Love, 

Mom.

Love this! Here are some of my favorites with my comments in italics:

I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

Lord, here I am, send me. Keep breaking my heart for what breaks yours. Let Your love overflow.

No moment from my God is a rock of burden…it’s just a rock waiting to be broken apart into stepping stones.

Even this moment…this moment when I’m laying on the floor crying. You are using it to make a stepping stone toward something beautiful.  You are the potter. I am the clay.

choose joy

here am I. I choose You tonight and Your joy.

if what you do does not resonate with you… it is not really going to matter to anyone else.

talking about passion gets me energized and makes me come alive. talking about kids and life changes and God completely invading your heart…yeah, that’s the good stuff.

some pursue happiness..others create it

I may not control the circumstances, but I choose joy and I choose to let God give abundant life in Him.

fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds.

let everything I say and do be a reflection of You.

Parker,

Happy first Thanksgiving. I wanted to share with you a few things I am grateful for.

I am grateful for your squishy cheeks. I am grateful for your little ears. I am grateful for your stinky feet. I am grateful for your smile. I am grateful for the way you light up when you see me. I am grateful for being the one that holds you just right. I am grateful for when you throw up on daddy and not me. I am grateful for your big, round eyes. I am grateful for your belly laughs. I am grateful for your baby smell. I am grateful for the way carrots stain your clothes. I am grateful for the mess you make when using your sippy cup. I am grateful for the way you fall asleep in the car. I am grateful for the way you sit up. I am grateful for the way you feed yourself snack puffs. I am grateful for the routine we are on. I am grateful for the way you take in the world around you. I am grateful for your health. I am grateful for you not crying at the doctor. I am grateful for you sleeping through the night. I am grateful for holding you when you sleep. I am grateful for the happy time we spend together in the morning. I am grateful for your unconditional love. I am grateful for the way you want me to hold you. I am grateful for your jump-a-roo. I am grateful for the way you babble on and on. I am grateful for your two little teeth. I am grateful for the times when we snuggle up in bed or on the couch. I am grateful for watching you achieve milestones. I am grateful for every hair tug you give me. I am grateful for your crazy arms and when you hit daddy. I am grateful for how excited you get over such small things. I am grateful for the way you watch every step I take. I am grateful for each little hair on your head.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am grateful for you. Each and every single thing about you and all that you have given to my life.

Love,

Mommy

Teehee!~

FT Triple is doing such a good job. >w< I’m in love with their songs!!~ Keke~ Since I got their new album, I don’t know how many times “Love Letter” has been on repeat. xD

I find that in each performance the boys are all getter cuter and cuterr..!!!! >W< *melts*

Check this one out!~

@ Music Core

Credits:: Primanoona
You gotta love Jaejin’s hair!!! I love it. !!~ I wish I was there in the audience….then I can be with the other Primadonnas screaming. xDDD

*sighhh*…why doesn’t anyone come to North America. TT_______TT

I fell in love with a nomad.

His skin is smooth,

sandpapered by beaches and dunes.

Cold desert winds sleep in his heart

His soul is restless,

It tears us apart.

His feet have walked many a path.

Fragrant and coloured by the clay,

they crush my heart.

Like the grapes at taverns he stops at.

Stop a while with me nomad.

Dry my tears,

with the roving suns,

that are your eyes.

How long will the wind carry you?

It must be tired.

Let it fly to a green grove.

While you find home in my arms.

i was going through my archives on the computer and somehow managed to find this gem. an Indonesian friend of mine from high school – sam oswald setiadi – wrote this letter on a war craft forum; expressing his woeful lust for a girl in his class – ayumi. now, although sam was a really good friend of mine, i think it’s only fair if i share this grammatically floored expression of hope with the internet (seeing as it’s already out there) and in doing so, perhaps put a smile on your face. after the countless times i have read this letter (saved on my computer with the sole purpose of making me laugh) – i hope you enjoy it too. this is…

sam’s story

lets not talk about dota!! hehehe lets relax our mind and concentrate on other things…like me my love life…i need your proffesional help guys!
“yes i will”
true Story
my name is sam
i am 15
from indonesia living in msia for 12years
i am a chinese indonesian

i have troubles talking to girls…you can say i am shy to girls that i like ….you know …i mean you guys will say like
“SO WAT”,
or
“nothing wrong , is nature”
etc.

BUT i am 15 now TURNING 16….i cant keep on being like this!! a sight of a girl that i fancy….i will desapier within 2sec!! what is this!!! i am a MAN !! i should not be shy or anything like this??? ermmm
plus i know some girls likes me BUT i am not taking advantage to IT…one of them was ayumi.

she is from japan, living in sg for 6 years and moved to msia where i belong.she is very beutiful….nice body because she swims alot! one of the best swimmer in our school….plus her legs are just perfect….is like looking at a new born baby’s bottom….smooth ,clean, and everything nice! belives me. wow when the first day she came to our school is like a “MOVIE just realise and is in the TOP CHART in the first 2 hours.” everyones fancied her including SIANWIN is one of the user in dota forum..you will probely sees him in the future replying this threat. anyway she was making a HUGE IMPACT in our school….nearlly every guys likes her even the lezbian but ofcourse except the gays but she is very shy…..she have a nice pair of double eye-lid eyes!! her face is like oval very cute!! her mouth is like a cherry mouth! very smooth! and her skin is very diferent ..her skin is not white!! but brownish! she is tant! she swims alot thats why…she has a nice body slim and i do not want to talk about her breast because no words can describe it…it is too too too “nice”.

thats her…can you guys imagine her?? and her height is like 1.60 m
anyway tahts her….i like her since the 1st time she came to our school…even though i like others girl…she is always in my list….
but guest wat guys!!! this is the good part……you can say is a bit of a mircale like a naix level 25 with burize,3 bashers, Heart etc losing to a level 1 sniper with a branch and potion and a GOLDEN SOUL…hehe
1 year later .it was around july ….i never spoken to her yet even though she is been in my class for 2 years…because i am so shy…i feel like cutting my private part off!!!!!

so then ..there was she , having new freinds talking, loughing , smiling…i was there standing …starting at her……asking myself….how d’hell i can get her??…because in september there was this special event called PROM where students having dinner in an expensive place and having fun such as dancing. and i wanted her to be my DATE for the event. days by days , the event getting more closer and closer…my heart punding faster and faster…i really wanted her to be my date…so then 1 night….think over and over again…saying words in my head what to do……until i stop with the words “got to do sumthing to make changes”..since then my mind went straight on a straight line focusing in every singel thing…i pick my phone up preesing the buttons to get to my phone directory scoring down until i get to a contac “IUME” thats her nick name for me. i decided to call her….i just need to prees CALL on my phone but my body seems stoping it from doing it but my mind wants to do it…something growing inside my stomach up through my lungs passing through my throat and a soft voice speaks”i cant do it” the feelings that i hate, that i wanted to get rid of it ..is coming back….my minds were spreading again….i felt weak….i felt i lost my arms, my legs, my bodies and my soul..darknes covered me once again.

a sudden peak of a light shines through insdie my body saying “do it”…my body stars to work again like a machine…my minds becomes clearer …..i stood up…rushing down to the swimming ( i live in an apertament and it has a swiming pool) with my hp on hard grip of my hand. i walk in a hurry to a wooden bench…..and sit….i look up on the sky ….try to relax and call her to ask her out…i sees stars…..bright shining onto me…i were warm…mintues later i held up my phone and prees CALL …..it was connecting and a sudden connection….”BEEp , BEEP, BEEP” i felt the time was stop ….

“hello” a cute mysterious voice came out from my hp speaker….
“hi ayumi, tis’ tis’ is sam” my voice were trembeling “are you going to prom?”
“ermmm maybe” speaking of her.

“ermm ayumi” i stoped. holding my breath and i know excatly what to say..the words had already been pictured in my mind…i let it go
“would you go with me to prom?”
a moment of silence for 7 sec….my heart stoped….i was graping the chair as hard as i could..i closed my eyes….my mind was blank..
out of no where

“maybe”the voice that i wanted to hear came out.

after the phone call…i felt i was relised from a prison …..even though the answer wasnt a YES or a NO.sincene then i waited…

“1 week later….a sms on sam from ayumi. the first word that sam saw it.”yes i will” he was so happy even though he never speak to her but ayumi always know they had something in common .LOVE
sam and ayumi went out to the prom together. a bliriant day for both of them.not only him having a good day
SIANWIN=sian had a date too…her name is YONG IN..what all people can do when they look at her is too look at her chest. it were gingantic..SIANWIN a happy man.

1 year later sam still likes ayumi…but she had to leave the school..she is moving to usa…..at the very last day…they both had a last untouchable memorial date.”

writen by: sam “i miss you”

LOVE LETTER by Ai Otsuka

1.) LOVE LETTER
2.) ロケットスニーカー
3.) バイバイ
4.) クラゲ、流れ星
5.) 人形
6.) 君フェチ
7.) Creamy & Spicy
8.) ド☆ポシティヴ
9.) 360°
10.) シヤチハタ
11.) One×Time
12.) ポケット
13.) 愛

Released: December 17th, 2008 ~ Highest Chart Position: #3 ~ First Week Sales: 104,232 ~ Total Sales: 179,670

LOVE LETTER is Ai’s 5th album. The singles released beforehand were ポケット, ロケットスニーカー / One×Time, and クラゲ、流れ星. With バイバイ being a re-cut. ド☆ポシティヴ, 360° and 愛 were used as promotional tracks, therefore they all got their own PV’s. This album would show a more mature side from Ai, as most people have said anyway.

LOVE LETTER is Ai’s first song to be a title track o: The beginning grates my ears, it sounds like Ai’s not even trying to sing those notes. The song is a very simple piano song, and Ai sounds better after that disastrous beginning. Not too bad of a song though, love Ai’s piano playing in this song.

I still love the beginning of ロケットスニーカー due to how Ai sounds. So energetic and fun! This song has funky instrumentation that matches Ai’s playful lyrics. Although the song doesn’t keep my interest for the rest of it.

バイバイ is still kinda there. The Bye Bye~’s she sings with each end of the chorus is catchy. But eh, just a song that’s kinda there.

クラゲ、流れ星 is still very pretty. Ai’s vocals in the verse are so pure. But then we get to the chorus and she’s shouting and trying too hard to sound emotional, which is strange to say because Ai us great at these ballads. But the instrumentation saves the song for me.

人形 is gorgeous. The piano is excellent and Ai sounds pretty nice (She’s a bit off in the beginning though). After a bit of the piano playing some strings suddenly enter and Ai is belting it out (and sounds fucking excellent if I do add). The lyrics are depressing, and tell a great story about friendship, loss, and how we can’t find ourselves. A gorgeous ballad that I’m happy Ai made <3 Also, when the whole album leaked, this song wasn’t in the leak. For some reason.

君フェチ has cute instrumentation and nice vocal delivery from Ai. But this track comes off a bit weak due to the fact there isn’t anything that catchy about this track. But it’s worth a listen. The instrumentation saves it <3

Creamy & Spicy is a strange track, but at the same time I really like it. Ai’s notes when she sings “CLEAMY AND SPICHYYY” are kinda nice sounding XD The instrumentation isn’t groundbreaking, but very fun and match Ai’s vocals. Very nice song =DD

ド☆ポジティヴ has an amazing beginning *-* I’m mesmerized by it. The instrumentation is so fun and psychedelic sounding. But Ai’s vocals are really squeaky in this song for some reason. The song dose have a few moments of catchiness. But other than that the instrumentation was the only thing to stand out.

360° is in short, amazing. It’s fabulous. There is piano playing, soft dance beats, and Ai’s voice that echos’ throughout the whole song. She repeats some lyrics over and over which WILL get stuck in your head. They symbolize the troubles with love perfectly though. Pretty soon into the song it starts to pick up a more dance vibe. There is a section where Ai screeches a REALLY high scream or something. But other than that, amazing song.

シヤチハタ isn’t exactly a bat-shit crazy track, it still stands out. シヤチハタ takes the Big Band genre, with Ai taking the scat style of singing. Ai’s vocals are LOW in this song, and she sounds great. It’s amazing to hear her sing really low. Maybe it’s how her voice originally is, and she forces herself to sing higher? There is a long instrumental break that I don’t really like though. Other than that, amazing song.

One×Time is still boring. Instrumentation is really pretty though, so that’s a plus at least. In other news the song is quite sexual for sounding laid-back and relaxing XD

I HATE the bass in ポケット X.X Why does it have to be so strong? It messes up the gorgeous piano playing >( At least there’s nothing present for a lot of the song at the beginning, so it’s just Ai and piano =D Not a terrible song, just kinda boring.

愛 is Ai’s longest song in her discography, and probably the most natural or something I dunno XD The song is cute, and had me interested all the way through. The chorus here is catchy as Ai goes “Aaaaaiiiiiiii” xD Near the end a kids choir joins Ai, and it’s just amazing. This is a nice way to end the album.

Favorite Tracks:
1.) 人形
2.) 360°
3.) 愛

LOVE LETTER was weak, really weak compared to LOVE PiECE. LOVE PiECE was strong throughout, while LOVE LETTER had its moments. Although the songs chosen in my favorites really shined.

B

SHINee with ‘Ring Ding Dong’
~~they are back in full force with Onew recovered from H1N1 =DDD

Other performances below the cut include:

-H-Eugene’s Comeback ft. Sunday (CJSH The Grace) with ‘Love Warning’
-K.Will with ‘Miss, Miss and Miss’
-2PM with ‘Heartbeat’
-SS501 with ‘Love Like This’
-Brown Eyed Girls with ‘Sign’
-f(x) with ‘Chu~♡’
-FT Triple with ‘Love Letter’
-MBLAQ with ‘Oh Yeah’ + Dance Break
-BEAST with ‘Bad Girl’
~~Doojoon is missing today….
-SeeYa with ‘His Voice’
-Secret with ‘I Want You Back’
-A-Force with ‘Wonder Woman’
-Run with ‘She’s Strong’
-December with ‘Love Is So’

H-Eugene’s Comeback ft. Sunady (CJSH The Grace) with ‘Love Warning’

K.Will with ‘Miss, Miss and Miss’

2PM with ‘Heartbeat’

SS501 with ‘Love Like This’

Brown Eyed Girls with ‘Sign’

f(x) with ‘Chu~♡’

FT Triple with ‘Love Letter’

MBLAQ with ‘Oh Yeah’ + Dance Break

BEAST with ‘Bad Girl’

SeeYa with ‘His Voice’

Secret with ‘I Want You Back’

A-Force with ‘Wonder Woman’

Run with ‘She’s Strong’

December with ‘Love Is So’

dear frightened child,

if i forget to tell you that
‘i love you, am in love with you & i understand because i am unconditional’
please don’t remind me to do so.

i can’t take another heartbreak
and at least avoiding leaves wonder within my mind

signed,
forgotten romantic

My lovely friend S. has posted two beautiful letters to her baby Henry that I found incredibly inspiring. After reading her letter, it dawned on me I haven’t written to Evel since he was born. So, this one’s for you TLB.

(And yes, I curse in letters to my son. Don’t judge.)

:::::

Dear Evel,

I just dropped dad off at band practice. After they jam a bit, the guys are headed to a hockey game. It’s funny because your dad HATES sports. So does your mom. I used to tease your dad and say you would probably grow up to be the biggest jock in school. And even though we loathe sports, we would have been your number one fans. We would have cheered you on, embarrassing you along the way every chance we got. We would have never missed a single game, that’s how much we love you.

I cleaned your room today. I wiped two months of dust off your old fisher price toys I bought for you. I plopped down in the middle of the floor, opened the ‘remembered always’ box that contains the ugly onesie the hospital put you in to take photos with. I wish I was better prepared for your arrival, we had a black crimson ghost (misfits) onesie and matching hat ready for you. But somehow we just weren’t ready for you, two months ago.

I often replay those last days we had together. You weren’t really an active baby, so it was hard to tell the doctor I really didn’t know the last time I felt you move. While I was trying my hardest to push you into this world, the nurse said “Looks like he has dark hair.” Right then and there you already proved me wrong. I figured for sure you’d take after your dad with a headful of luxurious blonde hair.

The hardest thing I’ve had to deal with is the fact my maternal instinct failed me. After the nurse told us the news that you were dead, I stopped living too. I completely separated myself from you, trying to put myself in a different place. We had no idea you would be born dead and to this day, two months later, it seems like it never happened. How can I call myself a mother when I never even held you? I was so afraid of what I was going to see.

I always pictured you to look exactly like your dad. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Maybe you would get my chubby cheeks, but that’s it, all your other features would strikingly be of your father.

But when I saw the pictures of you my heart literally fell to the floor. You looked so much like me that I died again in that moment. You were little me and I am so fucking sorry I was ever afraid of you. I will never, ever EVER forgive myself for not holding you and breathing you in. I cheated us both out of that moment. Maybe that’s why I haven’t written you. Because I am so ashamed of myself. Ashamed that I felt like I had to protect the image I had of you, instead of embracing the person you were. The person that looked so much like me.

My little TLB, how I wish things could have been different for us. We can’t go back now, we can only move forward. Forward to a place where I can forgive myself and accept that I will forever be without my first born child. A child that looked just like me.

You have taught me how to love unconditionally now. You have literally expanded my mind, my body, and my soul. You made me fall deeper in love with your dad, and made me realize that life has to go on. For your sake and for mine.

It’s never going to be easy celebrating life without you, but today is our day. My maternal instincts are in full swing and I need you to feel my love. Because baby, I love you and there are so many other people that love you too. Mommy is just so sorry. So, so sorry.

With love,
Mom (and dad)

What’s your love letter?

Dear Husband,

I have loved you since the first moment that I met you. I remember that day, over 10 years ago, and I know that you remember it too. I didn’t think you were interested in me at first, but I thought about you all weekend long. You were all that I talked about to my friends, and they were  sick and tired of hearing, “Do you think he likes me too?”. I was only 14 years old, and you had just turned 16, but we started “going out”, and made it all the way through high school. You held my hand when Papaw died. He was my father, and I’m so sorry that you never got to meet him. He was a gift from God to me. He died only a month after I met you. He held on long enough to find a man that he could give me to. He knew that you would take care of me and be the best husband that I could ever ask for. You were there for me when Daddy and Charlie died three months apart. Not only did you help me, but you helped my family through the difficult times from losing three dear members of our family so close together. I remember your first car. It was a Buick LeSabre. It was bluish and the fabric on the top was coming off and blew around in the breeze when you drove it. I remember watching out of the living room window as you came to get me for the first time after you got your driver’s license. We used to go to the mall and take small trips during the days, and ride around in your car in the evenings. Those were wonderful times. You used to write me notes in school that you would hand me in the hallways in-between classes. You would give me a quick peck on the lips as the minute bell rang and I would sit in my seat and read your love-letters. On Valentine’s Day you always gave me something extra special. Do you remember the year that you gave me a stuffed bear and that huge balloon filled with roses and candy? I remember when you told me you had enlisted in the Army and I was so afraid for you. I went to your BASIC training graduation and I stayed in the hotel for four days with you before you had to leave and go to Airborne school. When you graduated from that, we drove home together and you had a couple of weeks before going to your first duty station. You helped me move out and go to college which was only an hour and a half from your Army base. That was another gift from God. I remember when you told me that you were leaving for Iraq and my heart sank in my chest. I wrote you a letter every night before bed and mailed it the next day on my way to class. I cherished letters and phone calls from you which did not come often as you were in war fighting to protect our country and everyone’s freedom. When you came home you had lost so much weight, and we went to eat at Huddle House. I stayed with you a few days at the base before having to go back to school. I took a semester off and we got married that next February. We moved into our first apartment together and the next day you were locked down on base for a week. That December we were in the living room watching television when you got a phone call. I went to the bathroom and you told me through the door that you were being deployed to Iraq again in 6 days. I was so scared. I remember crying and feeling like my world was coming to an end. We missed our first Christmas together. We missed our first anniversary together. Those were 6 hard months of my life, being without you, but they were even harder on you. You were in a foreign country, at war again, and away from your family. A couple of months after you got back you were gone again for 3 more months training other soldiers. We were able to talk on the phone, but I missed you holding me as we slept. Then, you were gone again for a month for training. A few months later, you were deployed to Afghanistan. We missed another Christmas, another New Years, another anniversary, another Easter, but we were still as much in love as always. I had moved back home where we had grown up together since your contract with the Army would be up soon. I remember being in the middle of my Psychology class when I got your phone call. “I got blown up today”. You had driven over a buried road-side bomb in Afghanistan and was badly wounded. I tried to get my Passport, but I couldn’t come see you. You had a brain injury, an injury to the spine in your back and neck, and shrapnel wounds. You stayed in a tent outside the hospital for a month because they had so many injured and not enough beds inside the hospital. Now, you’re permanently disabled, but you still work as hard as you can. You were stop-lossed. The Army kept you longer than you had signed up for, but you finally made it home. We’re living with my Mamaw now to take care of her, and we are all happy together. You have stood by me through thick and thin. I had a fever for months and was sick, but no doctor could figure out why. I was so depressed that I was starting to lose hope, but you never let me give up. YOU gave me hope. I knew that you needed me, and I pulled through. I want you to know how much I love you. I could never live without you. I am so grateful to have you in my life. YOU are another gift from God. He knows that no man could love me as much as you do, nor take care of me the way that you have. You are the only man that I have ever been with, and I am the only woman that you have ever been with. That is special in these times, and it is very romantic. I will never be with anyone else. I love the way you hold me at night and make me feel so safe. You caress my hair and kiss my neck. I feel so loved and protected and want you to know that no one else could ever make me feel the way that you do. I love to lay my head on your chest and hear your steady heartbeat. You hold my hair when I am sick and rub my back when I am scared. You comfort me, and your gentleness is amazing. I never have a need that is unspoken for. I do not have to worry about paying the bills or providing for my family as you take care of all of that. I just wanted to write this letter so that the whole world could see how much you mean to me. I love you with all of my heart and soul and will always be happy as long as we belong to each other. You are my life, my love, and my everything. You are the man of my dreams, and I was blessed the day that we were married. I am yours for all of eternity and you will have my devotion and my love, forever. I love you dear husband. No matter what, do not forget how much you mean to me, and how much I love you.

I love you!

Love,
Your Wife