Sitting in this lonely diner,
Separated by the table -
You on that side, me on this,
Everything feels so amiss…

I see the empty in your eyes;
The dreams have left through days gone by;
The broken shadows left behind
Replaced the laughter we once shared…

Nervous hands explore the surface -
Fingers touch – the spark is gone;
There’s no regret when we retract -
The distance has become a chasm…

threatened by the winds of change
my world is verging on collapse;
teetered on the final vestige -
hopeful glimmers fading quickly,
shadowed by oblivion…

The linger of a fleeting kiss
Cleaves through me incessantly;
The transient outline of a moment
Flash-imprinted in my mind.
Eroding echoes torment me,
Reminding me eternally:
You’re etched into my being…

Wish there were more…

I’m stuck in mourning;
A tear hangs on my eyelid -
Too scared to let go…

I wrote you in sand.
Teary blurry wiping surf -
So you washed away…

Crestfelled and lacking crucial leavening
My thoughts are leaving – drifting down
Like leaves from ever falling trees…

Taking leave from this dreary moment
I’ll leave it up to you to choose -
To take my heart or leave me be…

The will to move evades me -
As truth sets in sedately

My breath trip-stumbles in my throat -
It claws its way back down my chest

Like bloated toads now nesting there -
No more spare room for my broken heart

I spill outside into the downpour -
To make my way through blurry burning

The cleansing-healing from the skies
Will not clear my streaming eyes

Past flooded parking lots I stop -
My car is a sanctuary for solitude

My drip-trembling fingers are turning the key -
The puttering purring – the cold blast of air

The wheels caress the wet midnight slate-
slickened so sadly by syrupy sheets

I try but I cannot get gone fast enough -
The wake of the water is dragging me down

The lurching machine is growling beneath me -
The bright eyes ahead – my last pretty vision

The road winds on – forever unending -
And then, to me, this road is the end…

The loop now complete
We are mismatched broken seams
Where bitter ends meet

It’s the long empty summers
That makes winter such a scary place.
Broken hearts and lost relations
Haunts the soul that’s wandering.
Lost, alone, and so confused,
And in a world that’s tumbling down…

The walls of seasons break and crumble
And spring is lost in monotony.
Where pretty flowers were relief,
Now sun-burnt wilting joins the grief.
Blurry skies and cloudless days
Accompany deserted dreams…

And where’s the comfort that have been
The beacon-light of self esteem?
Where’s the rain that once have cleansed
The rosebuds that now gathers dust?
Unplucked, unloved, not needed now (by the idle hearts)
They will remain there ’till they die…

What of the promises you made -
When I was losing against fate?
The things you said you won’t forget;
Protecting love until it’s dead?
Your well worn words are lost in time
And only now their echoes chime…

The sky is my life -
My soul -
My one remaining love…

I am standing on this lonely plain
Beneath the starry flood -
I feel it in my heart, tonight,
The emptiness beyond…

It means everything to me -
I need the pulse to stay alive…
And yet to others it is less
An empty spark of memory -
A picture of the night.

My starry thoughts lead back to you,
I see them through the tears of grief -
Something that I learned from you,
Since the day you left for good…

How can I explain my loss,
When I can’t see it all myself.
I feel so blind for not knowing,
So sad for not loving,
And it is slowly killing me…

Never needing-taking-wanting
We start giving with our hearts -
We return all time consumed…

Taking back the words of anger -
We take time to heal the wounds
And make whole what we have broken…

We let go and give back space -
Forget each touch, each slow caress,
Erasing erotic memories…

Remember who we were, unchanged;
We won’t forget our own ident -
We’ll not obsess about another…

We get rid of lover’s lies -
Stop pretence – we tried too hard -
Accept ourselves the way we are…

I see you through untainted eyes,
And then forgetting your existence -
I never know what could have been…

I’m stuck inside the empty -
A sealed-off room of glass.
Outside the world is moving on -
The other lives are blurring by…

My friends are color/silence:
The sky is sullen blue -
The grass around me quiet green -
Still world a technicolor scene…

I scream sometimes -
Hoping to be heard,
But my voice is mute
And the silence looming…

Sometimes I jump around
and kick and slam my fists
against the tempered walls -
But I remain unseen…

My lonely days are measured
By repeated sights I see -
The spirits passing swiftly by
On the other side…

Conjured up by my wicked mind
You pass my window every day;
A clear reminder to myself,
Of times now lost forever…

A lifetime of love,
Condensed in a bottle -
This is what I have for you;
It is all that I can give…

With string of pearls around your neck
Keep it hidden near your breast…

The memo inside,
Written on old paper -
Is a message from my soul;
Begging you to not forget…

Please tie these moments to your heart
Keep them safe for old times sake…

The ship of our dreams,
Will sail on forever -
It contains the treasure trove;
Past to future – always free…

Go there when you’re lost and lonesome,
Stay until the morning comes…

We’re swimming in this dreary daydream…
forever fastened to the somber torment -
the ruined remnants of expired romance…

Yet time and time and time again
We find ourselves lost in belief
That hope can kindle carried torch…

But it turns out we were wrong -
Just chasing dusty butterflies
In empty fields of distant dreams…

Struck down by love denied
A lonely man lied down to die -
Bleeding sorrow from a wound
Too big to be repaired…

And as he lay there, perishing,
He stared up at the cobalt sky;
Seeing everything and nought -
As cloudy shadows blanket him…

He saw an angel coming down,
Kneeling over – touching cheek -
He tried to speak – to make his peace -
but the hush was deafening…

Bleakly brooding she beheld him -
Muted anguish dimmed her eyes,
But the smile she sowed upon him
Had not the comfort he recalled:

It lacked compassion and affection -
The last salvation he had hoped for.
There was no aid or healing warmth,
That could have saved his broken heart…

The sullen smile was not for him…
The deep despair not for his death…
The angel was not even there…
He was alone where he lay dying -

- As he had always been before…

Once decided,
I am nothing…
Unseen I cast my eyes away;
Searching for something -
Aiming for nothing -
Dwelling on affinity…

In this emptiness I find my heart -
Trampled-broken, on the floor…
And then, you – standing above it,
Looking down upon it.
As you bend to take it, I see it in your eyes;
Recognition? As you hold it to your chest.

Can you see me?
You can’t – you are not here…
You have never been…
But you look this way and not away,
And I feel new hope in my chest,
A stammering beat…

All the time that must have passed,
And always I have mourned the past,
And here you are, right now, at last -
Holding all I ever had…
Until you turn and walk away,
And I see my heart still on the floor…

The fire is not the same anymore;
It does not burn anymore -
Not in my heart anymore -
You’re not in my head anymore…

You keep staring
Into the mind of love,
Hoping that you’ll find it
As you wished it would be…

You keep finding out
That you were wrong,
Love was never the life
That you wanted to live…

And then you see,
Your castle tumbles down
Each time you don’t believe -
That love is a tree
That you will have to climb,
You just can’t chop it down…

Oh, how you liked to fool around -
Life was just your playground -
But everything you did now hurts you;
And it makes you cry…

You’ve come a long way
To find out that you were wrong,
Angels only live one day,
And then they die…

Your life was a mess -
Love was left untouched -
And now you can’t turn back…

Life was your cross,
Love was the nails,
This is the way that Jesus died…

Time passes by – wondering why -
Wondering what was left behind.
Little knicknacks on the sand
With footprints linking leisurely;
Bridging brittle memories -
Like rainbows without rain,
And a life that was without pain…

Where has it all gone?
Crushed shells on a lovely beach;
Washing, turning, breaking waves -
From a time forgotten in the wind;
Grains of sand from a castle’s walls,
That filled the sky of every dream-
When I loved you, and you loved me…

Can you hear the tragic cry?
The anguish of a thousand angels;
Red October has struck again!

A broken mother – mortified -
Mourns the morbid midnight misery;
The gory gush of premature progeny!

Sobbing sorrow for scarlet sadness;
A clumsy handful of lost potential
Slipping through her stricken fingers…

Carefully clutching the crimson casualty
Comprehension dawns with crippling clarity;
Bitter bereavement replacing vitality…

The grim harvest has now ended
And the blood-moon is fully risen -
And only the crimson wail prevails…

~~~

18 October 2011, 23:45 – Forever will you be remembered, my son… :’(

Like the last sands seeping through the hourglass
I’m bleeding my lethal sorrow through burst veins…
Misery’s mammoth trunk constricts my broken heart
and I gasp while the thick air escapes my lungs…

My soul is teeming from a thousand butterflies
the flutterling-children dancing on my skin -
I waver and wrestle against the growing despair
but the cords of grief have conquered my will…

My eyes reach out to the star-barren heavens;
the endless murk is reflecting-repeating:
my tragic plea, splintered and shattered-
the fruits of delight now rotten and spoilt…

Crumpled and cold I collapse and crumble
My being becomes liquid – a whirling vortex;
I am swept along by the flooded rivers;
the tumble-twirl tempo shredding my thoughts…

And then there is nothing – I float fatigued -
Around me the vacuum of tranquil harmony…
I drink the silence – the sweet relief
And soar through the portals of salvation…

-Translated from the Afrikaans poem “Die einde” by Francois Bergh

Kitten-soft and innocent
The memories of love
Lingering thoughts and emotions
Swirling in broken hearts

Impossible to imitate
We try to relive happiness
And failing without mercy
We drown in self pity

the pearly-tear rolls down your cheek,
paving a trail of glistening grief
your melancholy is glinting-elation -
pretending joy; but summarized:
we knew there could be no other way…

-Translated from the Afrikaans poem “Hartbreek” by Francois Bergh