An undefined absence has lingered in me lately. So I prayed for a miracle with earnest. I prayed for a miracle of joy and love in my heart so great that it must spill over to others. As I made a second lap around Gabriel Park I was drawn into the dog park.

A collie, a Bernese mountain dog and a greyhound mix bombarded me and my heart was immediately overflowing with joy. I knew what I have been missing – play.

I’ve been taking life a bit too seriously. I’ve been a bit too grown up for my own good. My focus on cleanliness is so overboard that I am often affronted by a dog’s muddy paws on my clean clothes.

Yet I grinned all the way home in the running tights and jacket I just washed, now covered in sand and muddy paw prints.

This childlike elation spilled into the evening as I joined a group of gals for a night out. I cannot remember the last time I really let Larque out to play, especially with girls. I’m accustomed to drama-free guys (for the most part) who watch sports and live simply. Truthfully, girls scare me a little – which is another blog entirely.

But thanks to some random dogs I was in a playful mood, eager to play. I was met by three tables of other playful girls who just want to enjoy life, share stories, sip over-priced concoctions and laugh loudly.

Again, I ventured out of my comfort zone and found what I’d been missing. I already yearn to know more about these gals. I crave further details of the wild tales that assemble their life stories. I want to laugh until my sides hurt. And I feel like I could dance ridiculously or sing horribly and they would join in, rather than judge.

My husband says I “collect people,” which is why people needing comfort seek me and tell me their stories. But what if I let down my guard and allow others to collect me? I can only anticipate continued joy and love from new friends. Every day is truly a gift.

“There are two ways to live your life – one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle,” Albert Einstein.

Thanks girls.

I will continue regardless of how bad things appear.
I know how to control my emotions.
I take pride in all my work and I do my best.
I have success.
I have good money.
I want to improve on my relationships.
I am optimistic.
I have reachable goals that I like.
I give myself credit to getting where I am.

I take a bad time and turn it to a good time.
I like making things.
I like focusing on the good in life.
I take life as something to enjoy.
I like feeling good.
I like to look nice.
I like good meals.
I like gatherings with a small group of friends.
I talk optimistically.
I’m attractive.
I have good conversations.
I talk to people in a uplifting manner.
I am very kind.
I have good manners.
I always succeed.
I love people.
I can let go.

I am very persistent.
If I really want it I get it, or it will come to me.
I have a tendency to make people laugh.
I am nice.
I always trying to do things myself.
I am funny but people take me seriously.
I love unconditionally.
I like to write.
I made my own weblog.
I made myself learn how to design websites.
I make things happen even if you don’t know exactly how they will turn out.
I taught my self how to write scripts.
I am nice to be around, people enjoy my company.
I like nice things and new fun activities.
I am accurate for the most part.
I am on the right track.
I am stayed in school.
I like education.
I like to lead.
I always value my life.
I am very smart and intellectual.
I love to help people.
I love getting good grades.
I drive safely.
I like to receive money with little physical effort.
I like to spend money.
I am diligent.
I am adorable
I am talented.
I am skilled.

I can make people laugh.
I’m very loyal.
I love unconditionally.
I can focus on what ever I want.
I try to be better.
I am good at what I do.
I take the positive pieces out of most things.
I am responsible.
I mind my own business.
I am inspiration.
I am worthy.
I look good.
I am good to look at.
I have confidence in my personality.
I take the time to think about how life would be easier.
I am a persistent student.
I am prosperity.
I am a creative person
I am a complete student.
I take pride in my mistakes and success.
I am hear for the expansion of the universe.
I love to love.
I want the ultimate, prosperous, fun and easy life.
I want to influence the world in a positive way.
I show how we need to give ourselves more credit.
I have clothes.
I have money that’s unlimited.
I keep a good attitude
I am happiness.
I don’t have to pay to smile.
I have good relationships.
I have the good life.
I’m good!

I have always been quick to answer a question. I am smart and bold in most situations and therefore tend to speak up. Lately, this fearlessness seems a blockade to wisdom.

A couple of weeks ago a life coach spoke about listening instead of solving. He was a guest speaker at Sandler President’s Club, a professional sales training group. My eyes – and my ears – were truly opened.

My habit of solving has helped people, I’m certain. People often come to me for help or answers and I enjoy the creative problem solving. But this coach pointed out that I could help people more by asking guiding questions. What? Not produce answers for everyone all the time?

Launcher (coach) James Warrick says people will act on their own answers and leadership 65-80% of the time. Meanwhile, they act on what we say 15-25% of the time. “Ask, don’t tell” keeps rolling around in my head.

In the weeks since his talk, I have caught myself just about to spit out a solution. And then I try to use questions instead. What would you like to do about this? What do you see happening in the situation? What could you do this week to make a difference? What would it look like from the other person’s point of view?

Little disclaimer here for those who know me well: I will always be a know-it-all. It’s in my DNA. As a “bighead” (according to the thesaurus) I want to know this too. How do I help people by asking good questions so they may take action and responsibility? The first step is the toughest; shut up and really listen.

When James repeated what I had said, a neon light flashed. I had the answers to my pondering, yet wasn’t listening to myself. So I set a few goals for using this technique with loved ones and in my job search.

1)      Ask myself and listen. Listen to my body, my heart and my words.

2)      Listen carefully to others and ask what they mean. Don’t assume I understand what they are saying, really strive to understand.

3)      Find out what a person – or company’s – needs are and ask how the needs could be filled INSTEAD offering solutions. There may be a point where I can suggest a book or discuss ways I fill the need. That point is when they ASK me.

In closing, I must mention that other people who heard this talk have helped me by asking “what do you hear yourself saying” or “it sounds like you know the answer to your question” instead of TELLING me.

I have no problem asking someone “what do you think I should do?” However, it’s my job to figure it out. So, I will try to banish “I think” and “I heard you say” from my lips.

Instead, as James would put it, “what will you walk away with from this conversation?”

I saw myself write something today that came out spontaneously, but I think I will share here as well.

I have discovered that if you do not love yourself very far.  You will basically only attract what you think you are worth.

I attracted small things to me, because I didn’t think I could attract what I REALLY wanted.  It always felt like something kind of impossible, no matter what technique I used I couldn’t get past my own internal programming that basically in a nutshell , I now realize, has to do with my own self esteem.

Now that I work on loving myself, which entails, affirmations of love of me, following that intuition even if it’s unconnected seemingly, watching what I say, how I think,….you know,…..shifting my entire way of thinking!!!!

Once that happened, just as Louise Hay said, I began to see little changes and remove lots of blocks and it’s had an amazing thing happen for me today.  I now see how if I didn’t really love myself, I’d still carry a belief in lack.  It’s just that simple.

This is so great for me, because I do feel so much better about myself lately and I feel actually stimulated to know that it’s all about loving yourself.  It’s actually quite enjoyable to me!!!

(This is a seriously hurtful blog. If you are from Montana and knew my friend, I urge you to read this only if you have time and energy to process some pain.)

I promised myself I would read the diary and my police statement about the day my friend killed himself. I promised I would do it by today, the day. I want healing to continue.

It’s been eight years. Although the pain is still fresh, I am mostly recovered. I no longer believe I failed him. I sleep at night without pills, booze or nightmares. I rarely start crying for no reason.

I’ll tell our story as briefly as possible. Brandy had been my friend since 8^th grade. He knew me better than most girlfriends. We were reunited at our 10^-year high school reunion, after years apart. Best friends again, we went kayaking, camping and to concerts.

But my friend was suffering from depression and head trauma from falls at work and climbing. His hands shook and he drank to still them. The drinking got him in trouble. He was more frustrated with life every day.

I did not remember before reading the diary, but he often called in the middle of night seeking comfort, insight and someone to listen. I have been to the black place, so I understood. I told him medication and therapy could help him. I told him depression is like kayaking, sometimes you have to paddle against whitewater.

I had blocked much of our last conversation. I was on lunch, cramming down a baked potato when he called. He was scared; too scared to go outside or leave the couch. He said it was all over. I tried to talk him out of it. He told me the gun was cocked and put it in his mouth.

I had forgotten that I said “I love you no matter what.” I only recalled my last words, which were “If you’re going to talk to me like that, I’m going to hang up.” He hung up and pulled the trigger.

Why would I share such a horrible story? My heart wants me to share how my life changed.

Now I treat every day like my last. I quit waiting to say or do things. I reconnected with my biological father after 24 years. I evaluated my life and realized I wanted out of journalism and out of Wyoming. I set a timeline for leaving (and left!)

With my heart split in two, it was truly open. My relationships became more intimate. I learned to trust. I fell in love. I met angels, personally.

People in distress still befriend me and impart their suffering. I have lost two more friends to suicide since moving to Oregon. I realize God calls me to listen and love without attachment to the outcome. And to tell people that suicide may free you, but it lives in me – and your loved ones – forever.

(Please seek help if you think suicide is an answer. It is a thought you can defeat.)

If humans are such social creatures, and our evolutionary survival has been dependent in part on our ability to exist in society, how can fear of intimacy and relationships be such a widespread phenomenon?  I have had so many conversations in the last month with people who reflect on how they have sabotaged relationships out of fear, or who have been into someone who feared intimacy and vanished, either physically or emotionally.  When social intelligence is one of the most significant features of our species, why is it so common for human primates to come close to a reproductive/social possibility and then run petrified into the jungle?

From what I’ve read (in my brief internet search – not in, say, a psychology master’s program), people have strongly held beliefs about what kind of relationships they deserve in life.  These beliefs largely come from childhood and are reinforced throughout life, but particularly hurtful adult experiences can also affect what people think they deserve.

You’ll never get as unconditional a love as you’ll get from a child, and yet so many throw away this gift and tell their own children that they are worthless, stupid, ugly, or any other number of hurtful things.  Children develop a strong core of shame and fear of rejection.  They develop a strong sense of what kind of relationships they deserve in life, and as adults tend to be attracted to people who will follow a familiar pattern.  Combine a strong fear of rejection with a belief one doesn’t deserve a great relationship, and a powerful toxin is concocted.  According to one article:

rejection, to people with shame, feels like annihilation. Annihilate means “to destroy completely.” [People] can feel like they will be annihilated, completely destroyed if they get rejected. So there is no way, with that feeling that they are going to risk rejection and get annihilated.

How do people sabotage relationships?  There is a nice variety of options available for this kind of self-torture.  Be critical, distant, controlling.  Silence and lose yourself to avoid conflict.  Constantly distrust the other person.  Sabotage other areas of your life so you have an excuse not to engage – for example, your career or health.  Look down on people precisely for being interested in you, viewing it is as a sign of their weakness or self-deception.

The kicker is that relationship sabotage is usually an unconscious endeavor, leaving both parties angry and confused in the end. I was particularly struck by this list of signs that one might be a relationship saboteur:

1. You have a history of relationships in which one partner wants more while the other wants less.
2. One or more important relationships in your history has ended because you or your partner got scared.
3. You have been involved in more than one relationship in which awkward limitations have been placed on intimacy.
4. You have a history of becoming involved with inappropriate partners.
5. In all your important relationships either you or your partner have done something to create or maintain distance.
6. Your most intense romantic feelings have been directed toward partners when they appear to be pulling away from a commitment from you.
7. You have a history of becoming involved with, or obsessed by, partners who are emotionally, circumstantially, or geographically unavailable.
8. Within a relationship your responses tend to be highly unrealistic and extreme – overly romantic, overly critical, overly involved, overly detached.
9. You have a history of becoming involved with people who have more difficulties with commitment than you do.
10. You look at friends who have solid commitments and think that they have compromised in a way that you wouldn’t.
11. You believe that any difficulties you have with commitment will be resolved once you meet the “right” person.
12. The time intervals between your important relationships are often extreme.
13. You have difficulty reaching any decision that limits your further options.
14. You become acutely uncomfortable when you feel someone is closing in on your or invading you space.
15. In your head you always maintain psychological space and a possible way out of every situation.
16. You gravitate toward professions or employment conditions that allow you flexibility in terms of time and space.

People have to make a conscious choice to work on loving themselves, to learn how to treat themselves as their parents and others ought to have treated them.   This is probably one of the hardest things people can do, because so much has to be engaged and untangled – the shame has to be confronted head-on in order to push through it to a new place.

It strikes me that in order to fulfill the Golden Rule we need some kind of platinum rule: Figure out how to love yourself.  Full-stop.

Body image is my biggest struggle. It’s so hard to talk about that I am in tears already. I’d stop now, but I hope to deter one person from this path.

My thinking went askew when I was 8-years-old, wearing a half-size dress. Half sizes are for kids who are thicker around the middle. I had a belly and hated it. I wanted to be stick thin like other girls; like girls on TV. So I started dieting.

The battle between me and my body intensified from age 9 to 13. Then a friend introduced me to puking on purpose. It’s difficult, so I only did it when I overate.

High school was horrible for me socially. Despite excellent grades and above-average athletic ability, I did not like myself. My desire to be thin was insatiable. By dieting, I was fit and probably thin for my body by the end of sophomore year. That wasn’t enough. Over the summer and into my junior year, I ate less, exercised more and threw up often – up to five times a day whether I had eaten or not.

Did I become a twig? No. That’s not my body type. I ran cross country and played basketball, tallying up to eight hours of exercise a day on no food. I was starving. At night my muscles cramped so that I could not roll over or lift my arm. I knew I could not persist, so I sought help.

My family doctor initiated an intervention in which my parents and coaches watched me like hawks. I had to eat breakfast after morning practice or they would force me to eat. I had to stay in sight after meals at home.

Where is this gross story going? To the loss of my tonsils that year; stress fractures in my legs from ankle to knee; and the end of high school sports, my only solace.

Worse yet, the effects haunt me still. My gallbladder rotted when I was 23. If I get nauseous, I cannot stop. I can push a spot at the base of my throat or below my ribs and be sick.

I killed my metabolism and did lifelong harm to my body for what? Smaller jeans? I still struggle with poor body image, but I’ve made progress. I catch myself, and others, regressing to that high school mentality we hated.

Last night a woman told me she worked hard to have a great body for her 25^th high school reunion to “show those girls.” Then she realized the “your body verses mine” mentality was what hurt her in high school.

Women, girls and guys too – this is not a competition. We are meant to look different. The body simply protects the spirit. We must love ourselves and exercise to feel good, not punish. Food is the energy, not the enemy. Most importantly, words are weapons. Don’t use them against others or yourself. Namaste.

(On the lighter side, tomorrow I’ll share healthy eating and exercise tips from my roommate Nick, a physical therapist intern and bodybuilder.)

I was reading an article on a magazine, and this lady mentioned being baffled by the fact that she had been married longer than she had lived before getting married.

I did my own calculations. I am 43 and I married at 21.  OMG!  I have officially been married for more than half my life.  Where did the time go?  Where did my life go.  Am I still me if I have been WE longer?

After the initial 5 minute panic attack, I settled back in my chair, laughing. You might feel like you loose yourself in marriage, motherhood, career, etc.  The truth is, every experience you live through makes you exactly who YOU are.

On closer inspection, I have been married for 22 years in December.  I have been me for 43 years. And I am happy with who I am.

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 (NIV)

This Christmas season is a good time to remember that the reason God wants us to love is because he is love, and he created us to be like him – to love. The only reason we’re able to love is because God loves us: “Love comes from God … because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8 NIV).

We were created in God’s image to do two things on earth: Learn to love God and learn to love other people; life is all about love.

But love all started with God. He loved us first and that gives us the ability to love others (1 John 4:19). The only reason you can love God or love anybody else is because God first loved you. And he showed that love by sending Jesus Christ to earth to die for you. He showed that love by creating you. He showed that love by everything you have in life; it’s all a gift of God’s love.

In order to love others and to become great lovers, we first need to understand and feel how much God loves us. We don’t want to just talk about love, read about love, or discuss about love; our need is to experience the love of God.

We need to reach a day when we finally, fully understand how God loves us completely and unconditionally. We need to become secure in the truth that we cannot make God stop loving us.

Once we’re secure inside God’s unconditional love, we’ll start cutting people a lot of slack. We won’t be as angry as we’ve been. We’ll be more patient. We’ll be more forgiving. We’ll be more merciful. We’ll give others grace.

But you cannot give to others what you have not received yourself, and so my hope is that, as you learn how much God loves you, you’ll also let him heal your heart so that his love can flow freely through you. It’s impossible to love others until you really feel loved yourself.

From the heart of
“A Woman Divine”

Every woman has a story.

This is something that I have had the immense pleasure experiencing in the last few months.

The woman who feels like she just needs a minute for herself from the constant push and pulls of being a single mom.

The woman who fights the loneliness of being left behind by her husband’s passing.

The woman who fights the urge to burst into tears simply because she is overwhelmed with the ever increasing demands of the modern day woman.  Including but not limited to:  Mother, Wife, Aunt, Business Owner, Employee, Volunteer, Sister, Good Neighbor, Dog Walker, Banker, Cook, Cleaner, Lover, Christian, and the list goes on.

The interesting thing is these women are not my clients.  These are women whom I had never met before, who literally stopped me while walking my dog, all at different times and different places that just needed someone to hear them.  I’m grateful I was able to gift them my time and be a quiet listener.

So, remember to be kind and always keep your heart open.  You never know when someone might need to share their story.  Consider yourself blessed if someone finds comfort in your company to tell you theirs.

Sometimes all we need is just to be heard to make the grit not so gritty.

Keeping an open heart~

Let’s say you’ve heard of the love revolution and you find it great, but you don’t really know what to do? I think it’ll be helpful if i give you some tangible ideas of how to do it. I can’t really tell you anything else but just the things i do and i consider relevant to the topic.

But it’s important to keep in mind, that it’s about a revolution of the state of mind, soul and attitude- it’s not really material applied most of the time.

First ground rule is: love yourself!

That’s the essential. By feeling good about yourself you attract good things to happen. You can take a look of the laws of attraction or “The Secret”. Although i’m not their fan, they may show the general ideas in more understandable and vivid way for you

In many situations I’ve noticed that when you’re nice to people, they are nice to you too! It’s great- the more nicer you to people are, the more nicer they are to you and that’s makes you wanna be even more nicer to people as in the first place

Good thing done today (and may be also a good thing for you to do tomorrow): holding the subway-doors open for a running mother with two children

So- i must go in love absence. The topic will be continued…

When I was young, I looked forward to changes.  I knew they were coming.  I was looking forward to graduation, college and whatever would be next.  It was an exciting time.  I had no fear.

I am not sure when fear started for me.  I don’t think that it was really until after I was married for the first time.  I gave up everything when I got married.  I gave up my job to move to another state.  I gave up my name which felt like my identity.  And, maybe it was.  I was a very strong woman who had for years said that I would not change my name if I ever got married.  I had given up a previous relationship to pursue my education so I could have a career in art, which was what I was always planning to do.

Now, I found myself “born again” and submitting to a husband.  Unfortunately, I was involved with churches who would say to a woman that it is much more important for you to do what God says, that is, obey your husband, than it is for him to do what God says, which is for them to love their wife and lay down their life for his family.

I am sure that is not really what they meant, but that is how it worked out practically.  I had to do the right thing, whether he was doing the right thing or not.  This set me up perfectly to become emotionally abused.  He had hit me early in our relationship.  Of course, I recognized this as abuse and we counseled with our pastor and other uncertified lay people in our church for 7 years.

Instead of seeing this as a problem, did I see this as commitment?  And whose?  Apparently, only mine.  Nobody in this Christian community that we were involved with suggested professional counseling, which may have identified his chemical imbalances earlier, they just continued to encourage him to stop sinning.  It would be a good thing for him to stop sinning, but nobody understood that, for him, this was a much harder task than for you or I.  I like to think that anybody can change at any point in time that they make their mind up to do so.  I am not sure that is always the case.

So, here I was, married to a man with chemical imbalances that I would not know about until 15 years had past.  I was working with him in a business with the hope that when it was well established, then I could be an artist.  And, of course, like any good fundamental Christian, I was having children. 5 in 10 years!  Well, I guess that proves that it wasn’t all that bad.

Ultimately, I divorced him.  I have grown in so many ways and know that more changes are coming.  I am not only an artist, but a writer, too.  Just another form of art.  My hope is that by sharing my life stories, which you can find on my blog, sharinluv.wordpress.com, you will learn about emotional abuse. I am overcoming my fears in this process.  I encourage you to make changes to improve your life and the lives of those around you.  

Sharin Luv

Loving yourself can be a hard thing to do when you live with regrets.

For me, the regrets began within the first year of my first marriage.  Maybe even before that.  The way that I lived up to that point in time, allowed me to make what I could look at as a mistake.  My 5 children help me to know that it was meant to be for at least 5  reasons.

I don’t know if I thought of these feelings as regrets at the time.  I just thought I was angry or even briefly upset.  I also thought that I got over it.  I was forgiving.  That helped me.  Looking back, I don’t think I even knew how to deal with my feelings or work out conflicts.  As a born again Christian, I had made a commitment to this relationship and had every faith that God would work out these conflicts, keep me safe and work all of this out for good.  And, this is so!

Don’t get me wrong, I married a fun guy.  We had fun, we had good friends and he seemed to enjoy kids.  All the kids in the neighborhood would flock to our home after school.  We would play games and watch movies and sometimes they would help me with projects in the office.

He would play outside with the kids.  We lived in a trailer park, so we were surrogate parents for some of these boys.  We would even take them on trips with us.  One boy we kept in touch with for years and attended his graduation in another state.

It wasn’t all that bad, but, looking back and knowing what I know now, I wish I had known then about the patterns of abuse that I was experiencing.  It is so easy to see now.  I have struggled with the feeling that I should have known.  I should have made changes sooner.  These thoughts have beat me up and I didn’t even realize that they were there.  Has my desire for change created this revelation or will this revelation allow me to finally move forward in ways that I hadn’t even planned?

I am in a process of growth.  We are all in a process, not everyone is moving forward, but that can change at any time that you decide you want it to.

Loving yourself here and now means you accept the past as unchangeable.  You allow your past to help you grow so you are better now and in the future.  And you turn the regrets into gratitude.  For those experiences you regret are the very ones that have brought you to where you are now and will take you to your next destination.  A much better place.

Happy Thanksgiving!  I am thankful for my past and even more thankful for what lies ahead.

Sharin Luv

It took me 7 years, from the time I began to think of writing, to share my experience because of fear. Fear that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t write well enough and as much as I wanted my life to change, fear of what that would look like. Cancer was my wake up call to pursue my passion and I still, for 3 more years, hesitated. But, while I hesitated, I studied, I sought out teachers and I began to love myself more and more. I began to know myself, who I was created to be and to trust the divinity that resides within me. What pushed me beyond my comfort zone and into the unknown of writing and sharing my experience, my thoughts and my passion was hearing someone say, “this life is NOT about you, but it IS about what you are here to do for others!”
As I share my story, I come across person after person who has had a similar experience, but feels alone. That’s how I felt! You hear many stories similar to mine on the news. How many times have you heard the same thing before you “woke up”? I hope that something I share, helps in some way, even if in a very small way. I know that these experiences are meant to be shared. And, so, I am Sharin!

I love you, but am I in love with you?

Have you ever thought this before?  Maybe you have even asked it about a relationship you are in or a past relationship?  I was on my way home from my usual Sunday morning wellness walk counting my blessings, so grateful to be alive and for A Woman Divine.  It wasn’t always this way.  I have struggled most of my life trying to conform to others needs and wants, make money, look a certain way, always trying to find the right fit.  Most of the time a bit agitated, annoyed, restless, and always searching for something else.  At one time or another we have altered ourselves to try to please someone else only to discover, it’s just not a good fit.  So, I posed the question to myself this morning, “I love you, but am I in love with you?” and the answer was a resounding YES!  It felt amazing to realize this.  Why wouldn’t we analyze our self love the way we would any other intimate relationship?

I’m curious to know what you think.

Teresa Rodden

www.awomandivine.com

It’s no secret that I’m in a wonderful space right now. All you have to do is look at me, I am loved, I am happy, I am content and it shows.

My life has changed and things I’ve done or looked at all somehow seem new. I have found the key to living in the now…just knowing something wonderful will happen before each day is deemed complete. Of course, my perceptions of all things has changed …just seeing a sparkle in Bruce’s eye sets my heart to dancing…I am literally bubbling over with joy…it’s amazing and yes, intoxicating at times…but rather than talk about how I’m feeling…let’s talk about how it all came to be…what’s different this time….

Upon some reflection, me! Yes, that’s correct. I am different…and perhaps that is where we all need to begin, with ourselves. When we can get down and dirty with all of our emotions – even those we hide deep inside- and take the time to sort through the garbage, toss it out, but remember the lessons…we take a big step towards finding who we truly are.  Painful yes but oh so necessary.

Sure, we all have our faults or those things that crush us inside, but we also have the capacity to provide compassion within…to love ourselves so that we may love others. For if we are in turmoil or if we are empty inside how can we ever have the ability to care deeply about anyone? Or even if we find we can love…..how can it be fully when we aren’t whole inside? Yes, the truth of it all, in my opinion, is to learn to nurture our own spirits, minds, bodies…our completeness….we must first love ourselves fully in order to love another completely and without any preconceived conditions or stipulations. Just free, intense, unconditional love.

Through the process of learning self-love, we will also learn how we as individuals want to be loved….what makes us genuinely happy. Not all of us would be happy with a self-assured smart aleck, or a confident, muscle bound beach bum, or a conservative, self made millionaire….sure personality, looks, and money all play a part in our relationships but each of us has a need for a varying degree of all of these qualities.

Myself, I base someone’s standing upon loyalty, playfulness, and yes, their own self-confidence. I’ve shared before about my abandonment issues so it’s natural for me to desire trust to the nth degree….and yes, that only develops over time…with tons of patience….. I love to have fun… I’d be the first one on the beach with a pail and shovel building sand castles so Bruce would have to play– no doubts about it…I missed too much of my childhood doing other things so perhaps that is why I find joy playing now.  I tend to surround myself with creative, highly intelligent, and powerful people and I am very adamant about my friends and activities…so my better half has to be confident enough to know that special place in my heart is owned only by their spirit. Sure, there are other qualities I need, but these three seem to top my current list and all were missing from my other relationships.

This is where I am right now.  I have come to know and love me.  I am a whole person now.  When I met Bruce he didn’t complete me, I was already complete.  He compliments me.  We “fit” in oh so many ways.  He accepts and loves me, just me.  And me, well, I love him, when I’m with him I feel all the warm squishy feelings of a teenager, my heart races when I hear his voice, my skin comes alive when he touches me and my spirit soars.

Which takes me to my last thought…what’s different when we learn to love this time? Again, me, you, us! We have past experience to know where we don’t want to be, how we don’t want to live, and what is not going to make us happy. We now have self-love and are not willing to settle for less than we want or need. Given those circumstances, once we find that someone seems to me we sure have the ability to love completely and unconditionally. What could be greater?

Thank you Spicy Man!

ladies!!! have you evr lost your man? and you know you want him back?? i had this problem a couple of months ago but thankfully my friend turned me onto this website….and o yes girl!! it worked. it told me just how to get my man back and we are going so good! its the best we’ve ever been he wishes he never left because he realized what he left….this is amazing you have to try it!!! it also made me realize im worth so much that i dont need a man, but if i truely wanted my man back it told me how!!! check thi out girls….

http://9f58c8-o29fv8lf78ad8w6mo5o.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=DOUNK

because if you don’t, when all else is said, no one will. I have learned this the hard way. I have spent years attempting to have people adore me, love me and think I am wonderful. And in their defense, they have done that, but in my own heart, deep at night, I never loved myself.

This lack of love for myself taught me so much…..landed me in horrid relationships (friends and others). I have come out semi-on-the-other-side (for I do not think that as humans we ever really “get it” all, do we? But, as for semi-on-the-other-side…what I have realized is that if I cannot love nor be loving to myself, no one will ultimately.

I have a collage on my wall that I recently created to remind me of this….and on it is a quote from a fashion designer (who I do not recall at this moment) who says when asked, “What do you feel is the greatest lesson that you’ve learned?” in reply this designer stated, “In life? It’s funny, but I think that I have learned that to be kind, to give, is the best gift. I think that’s the big lesson. I’m lucky, because early on I realized that I should be my best friend. That’s the lesson I would like to give everybody.” “In what sense?” the interviewer at Bazaar magazine asked, “Well, I think that you have to be your best friend in life, because the relationship that matters most is the one you have with yourself.”

My mom taught me this a long time ago, but sometimes we don’t listen to our parents very well. My friend, Michelle teaches me this every time I talk to her…and my boyfriend taught me this as well.

Today, I took a day off from family, stayed in, did my own thing, caught up with a friend, took myself to lunch, did some organizing to take some clothes to Goodwill, and I have loved every minute of it.

Last night was not the same, as I lie in bed awake until after 11 (shock, horror, as usually I am crashing by 9) worrying about everything. I have spent about 10 years of my life worrying…no, 15. It’s time to stop. I encourage all of you out there in blogland, to take a day off, and figure out what it is that makes YOU tick.

This is not in a selfish, you are a goddess/god way…but what really makes you whole. Most of us will realize that being kind falls into that category….but even as the one of the greatest of men ever said, “Love your neighbor AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.” That’s some good stuff.

(The image you see here was so cool, I had to share: Mini-tornadoes known as dust devils have left behind dark, twisting tracks on Martian sand dunes in this image, captured by NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter in August and released on Oct. 14. Whirling winds create the patterns by stirring up darker material beneath the surface. -from msnbc news recap of the month in space)

Many years ago during a tough emotional time and depression, a friend suggested that I do a gratitude list.  At that moment, it seemed such a trivial thing and frankly, a lousy answer to my problem.  After a few days, I decided to give it a try.  I found out that it wasn’t so trivial, and the suggestion helped.  Actually, it did more than help.  I caused me to change my perspective, and assisted in leading me out of a difficult depression.  I think its time again.

1)  I am grateful for a spouse who supports me and is there for me.

2) I am grateful for 2 incredible sons whose lives are going quite well, and who are working on making positive and rewarding decisions in their lives.

3) I have a three wonderful friends who I can call on at anytime, and an incredible sister who offers the same.

4) I have plenty of food each day, a warm house, and a job.

5) My immediate family is healthy, as well as my family of origin.

6) My mom is still living and her mind is strong.

7) I can drive a car anywhere I want to provided I have enough time.

I have plenty of money, and with better management, it supports me well.

9) I can read.  And write.  And create.

10) I live in a country that allows me to vote, to disagree with the government without censor (or worse), provides roads and schools and electricity and water for my use and consumption.

I could go on and on.  And on.  When the tough times come, my tendency is to focus too much on the tough things.  Just to pause and to remember that the good outweighs the bad so greatly is an needed adjustment in my perspective and attitude.

What is love and how do we know if we feel it for someone else?  I finally broke down and said “I love you too” to CY, but felt in my head that I wasn’t quite sure.  Do I really love CY?  As I walked today I thought about love and how it is formed with images in your head of tiny experiences and visions in your head.  The more often, frequent, consistency of happy images and visions that remain in your mind formulate a lasting likeness and eventually love prevails.  Or it can be a train wreck and hits you on top of the head unknowingly as the case between music man and I.

Love is a feeling of intense attraction that can be one of the most amazing in the entire world. It starts with lust, attraction and then a commitment.  The emotions associated with love are blissful, and there are times when they can really hurt. In the end, love is something most of us, if not all of us, will encounter. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (or even yourself), here is a general guide to loving from WikiHow.

Steps

1. Say it. When you say the words, “I love you” with conviction, meaning and action.  They should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn’t mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love.  Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have.  Think of how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don’t make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.
6. Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love.

Below is an email I sent to a friend back in September. Sometimes I can be a bit ‘over-the-top’ when I discuss my point of view. After time passes, I re-read or hear again what I’ve said, & I laugh to myself. I can tell that I’m being extreme. But after reading this email again, I still feel the same way.

From: AimeeLovesYou
To: XXXX
Subject: XXXX
Date: Sep 24, 2009

This week I was reminded about what being ‘in love’ means. I heard one interesting view of being ‘in-love’ (in-love with a romantic partner), that I agreed with. They mentioned a few things about people who think they are ‘in love’, but are in romantic relationships as a means to an end. There is something that they want from the other person, there is a need to be filled. I have additional thoughts about it, but I agree with what they said. Hearing their point of view brought me back to my own knowing, about love in general. I am clear that the romantic love we feel we need is not the one we think it is. It is the love for Self, unconditional love for Self, that frees us, completes us, & gives us everlasting bliss. When we truly love ourselves, we don’t need union because we are whole, we don’t need a partner to feel loved, we are love & we are FULL of love. Everything & everyone are seen as love as well. Nothing is separate from us because we are WHOLE. We will never fall out of love, we will never have fears about losing love, (or those we love), we will just be in who we know we are. We can be ourselves in an effortless way, in love, because we are love. It’s so easy for me at times to get swept up in movies, the news, other peoples concepts, imagery, etc.. But when all that gets silent, when I get silent, I know what’s real.

All suffering I believe comes from this disconnect with Self, disconnect with Love. I know that when I’m bugged about my career, hating how a part of my body looks, wanting things (or people) to be my way, or getting impatient with the way things are, it’s because I can’t see me. I’ve lost sight. I don’t see who I am. I am my own creator. I have free will. Why am I going along as if I don’t? As if things are happening to me, and around me, and they are beyond my control, ..and I’m suffering for it. When this happens, it’s always best for me to STOP. Stop myself in my tracks and ask, “Why are you not being yourself? Why are you following others? Why are you worried about what they think? Why are you over thinking instead of being? Be simple. Be yourself. LOVE it all. Love yourself.” When I do, I know nothing can cause me harm. I AM it all. The only one that can cause me harm is myself. The only one who can not love me is me.

Xx..
A.

[The inspiring photo is by Diana Rikasari]

My body cycle works on Moon time and Earth time.  When are we as a global community going to return to what is natural?  We all would FEEL so much better.

  Change your clocks back.  Move your clocks ahead.  Tick-tock sheeple! Hello! 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circadian_rhythm  Let’s put a photography face on your clock!   http://www.humanclock.com

Reflection Questions! 

1. What time does your body work best with?
2. Why are you fighting your mind-body-spirit normal cycle? 

Affirmations and Intentions:  I intend to follow the natural rhythms of the universe.  I listen to my mind-body-spirit-emotion GPS.  I listen to my Circadian rhythm.

“Life is not a journey to the grave

with the intention of arriving safely

in a pretty and well-preserved body,

but rather to skid in broadside,

thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and

loudly proclaiming — WOW — What a Ride!!!!”

Dance with angels and fairies in the Moonlight!

Wee!  Slide down a rainbow on your magic carpet!

 Brief updates on Twitter at:  http://twitter.com/wisewomanwoods.

I am now 165 lbs!!! I can’t believe it. I feel amazing, and I am so proud of myself. Yea, I wish I had reached 160. BUT I feel like I’ve been doing this the healthy way. And if that means it will take me longer than what I’d like it to…so be it. What’s the point of being thin if you are unhealthy? I want to be fit & healthy. Not thin, weak, or sick. I AM SOOOO HAPPY. My life is crazy right now. Things are a mess, but at least this aspect of my life is stable. My health and God’s constant love and mercy. I am so grateful.

It’s surreal to think I am now 25lbs away from my goal weight. Man. It’s surreal to think that in the next few weeks I will be 160!!!! I WILL cry. I will definitely cry when I get there. lol.

My before and after video: