Chatted with Devon last night – be at his place at 9:30 this morning and get to spend most of the day in bed with him! After a hum-drum night of blah sex with the husband last night, I could use my world rocked. I’m tempted to just wear a nightie under my coat with boots. Thoughts?

Yes, I know I need to get past this. He wasn’t stellar, I’m with Devon and I’m trying to hook him up with my best girlfriend. Still, look at him. Plus, he texted me a photo of his cock the same day as the photo below and it’s just so tempting. Now knowing that I’m supposed to go up and see him soon – it’s too much; especially with Devon not being able to respond to my texts – even the ones with sexy photos attached!

I am supposed to go see Brad soon and take photos of him. I’m a fashion photographer on the side and let’s face it, the boy is meant to be in pictures. I somehow mentioned to him yesterday he should pose for me and he eagerly agreed too; I admit, I was a little excited. So yeah, today I’ve been visualising out shoot.

I see us starting outside in the mountains. I know a spot close to where he lives – it’s a tourist area, but there are a few little cottages and some vineyards you can get to that would make for some fun back drops. Despite the cold weather I am sure I could get him to undo his shirt and have an open layered look.

After wrapping up outside, I would have a more “sophisticated” shoot back at his home where he would have to dress up and have a glass of wine on the sofa.  Softening the lights and the use of candles for a more intimate glow in the photos, would help set the mood and let him get comfortable in his seat.

After I’d taken all the photos I need, I would take the glass of wine from him, take a sip, kneel down between his legs and undo his belt. I would slowly start to massage his balls through his pants with one hand while undoing his tie and shirt buttons with the other. Running both hands up and down his stomach and chest, I would start with a kiss on his mouth and work my way down and finish removing his pants where his hard cock would be waiting for me. I would take him all in, cup his balls and finger his anus. Slowly licking the length of his erect dick, I would wrap both of my hands around it, circling it, teasing it with licks and sucks. I would finally finish him off and swallow every last drop of his hot cum.

After head, I would stand up and strip and straddle his lap, leaning back letting him suck my tits. Pushing him backwards, his recovered cock would make its way into my wet pussy as I grinded back and forth with him grabbing and smacking my ass. Just before I cum, he pulls me up and has me sit on his face. Bracing myself against the arms of the couch, I squat over his face as his tongue and fingers dig deep into my wet cunt. He circles my hard clit with his tongue; nipping at it as I let out a squeal of delight. Before I know it, I am squirting all over is beautiful face and he laps up my juice, kissing my pussy and gently blowing on it.

I get up to let him up and he leads me to his room where he bends me over his bed and begins pounding the back of my ass. I can feel his balls against my clit and I want to cum again. He reaches around and feels how hard it is and kisses my back. Just before he climaxes, he pulls his dick out and his hot cum squirts all over my back. He takes me to his shower where we spend the next forty minutes bathing each other and fucking against the shower wall.

When we are finished he wraps me in a towel and kisses my neck. I go into his room and sit on his bed to wait for him to join me. I notice he’s taking a few moments and I call out for him. He quickly comes back through the door, wrapped in his towel with my camera in hand.

“Stand up, ” he says.

Blushing, I do as he says.

“Now drop the towel.”

As soon as reach to loosen the towel, I hear the shutter click. He doesn’t let up with photos until the towel hits the floor. He then sits the camera down, drops his towel. Brad climbs on top and his hard dick instantly finds its way to my awaiting pussy. I cannot believe how wet I’ve already become. He wraps my legs around his  waist and violently thrusts away until we both cum together. He collapses on top of me and we fall asleep in each others arms.

ಒಂದೇ ಒಂದ್ಸಲ

ಹೇಳಿ-ಬಿಡಬಹುದಿತ್ತು ಕಣೇ

ಹೇಳಲು ನಾಚಿಕೆಯಾಗುತ್ತಿದ್ದರೆ

ಪಟಪಟನೆ ಕಣ್ಣು ಮಿಟಕಿಸಬಹುದಿತ್ತು

ಕಾಲ ಹೆಬ್ಬೆರಳ ಕೆರೆಯಬಹುದಿತ್ತು

ದುಪಟ್ಟಾದ ಅಂಚನ್ನು ಬೆರಳಲ್ಲಿ ಸುತ್ತಬಹುದಿತ್ತು

ಕಣ್ಣಲ್ಲಿ ಕಣ್ಣಿಟ್ಟು ನಾಚಬಹುದಿತ್ತು.

ನೀವು ಹುಡುಗಿಯರು

ಹೇಳಿಕೊಡಬೇಕೆ?

ಒಂದಿನ ಮನೆಗೆ ಕರ್ದಿದ್ದೆ

ಊಟ ಹಾಕಿದ್ದೆ

ಹಿಡಿಕಡ್ಡಿ ಹಾಗಾಗಿದ್ದ ನನಗೆ

ಮೊಸರನ್ನ ಮಿಡಿ ಉಪ್ಪಿನಕಾಯಿ ಬಡಿಸಿದ್ದೆ.

ನೆನಪಾಯ್ತಾ?

ಅವತ್ತೇ ಹೇಳ್ತಿಯೇನೋ ಅಂದ್ಕೋಂಡಿದ್ದೆ

ಹೇಳ್ಳಿಲ್ಲ.

ಅವಳಿದ್ದಾಳಲ್ಲ ನಿನ್ನ ಗೆಳತಿ

ಹೌದಮ್ಮ ಅವಳೇ……ಇಂದಿಗೂ ಮದುವೆಯಾಗಿಲ್ಲ ನೋಡು.

ಎಷ್ಟು ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ ಕಮ್ಯುನಿಕೇಟ್ ಮಾಡ್ತಾಳೆ….

ಗೊತ್ತಾ? (ನನ್ನ ಕಂಡ್ರೆ)

ಪ್ರೀತಿ, ಕಾಮ, ಆಸೆ, ಇಚ್ಛೆ

ಎಲ್ಲವನ್ನೂ ಕಣ್ಣು, ಭಾಷೆ, ತುಟಿಯಿಂದ್ಲೇ

ಹೇಳಿಬಿಡ್ತಾಳೆ.

ನೀನೋಬ್ಳಿದೀಯಾ ಗೂಬೆ.

ಒಂದೇ ಒಂದ್ಸಲ ಹೇಳ್ತಿಯಾ ಅಂದ್ರೆ….

ಈಗ ಮಾತ್ರ ಒಂಥರಾ ಆಡ್ತೀಯಾ

ಆಗ ಮಾಡಬೇಕಾಗಿದ್ದೆಲ್ಲ ಈಗ ಮಾಡ್ತಿದೀಯಾ

ಏನ್ ಬಂತು ಹೇಳು?

ತುಂಬಾ ಲೇಟಾಯ್ತು ಅಷ್ಟೇ.

ಅಂದ ಹಾಗೆ ನಿನ್ ಗಂಡ ಸಾಫ್ಟ್ ವೇರಿ ಅಂತೆ

ಆರಂಕಿ ಸಂಬ್ಳ, ಆರ್ ತಿಂಗ್ಳು ಫಾರೆನ್ ಅಂತೆ

ನಾನ್ ಮಾತಾಡ್ದಾಗ ಮಾತ್ರ

ಪ್ಯೂರ್ ಗೂಬೆ ಅನ್ನಿಸ್ದ ಕಣೇ.

“ನಮ್ ಮಿಸೆಸ್ ಹ್ಯಾಂಡ್ ರೈಟಿಂಗ್ ತುಂಬಾ ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿದೆ.

ಅದ್ಕೆ ಕವನ ಬರೀ ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಿದಿನಿ”

ಅಂದ.

ಹೂಂ…..ಅದ್ಹೇಗ್ ಬಾಳತೀಯೋ

ಇರ್ಲಿಬಿಡೆ.

ನಿಂಗೆ ‘ಜೆ’ ಆಗೋ ವಿಷಯ ಅಂದ್ರೆ

ನನ್ ಹೆಂಗಸ್ರು ನಿನ್ ಗಂಡಸ್ರ ಥರ ಇಲ್ಲ

ಸಾಹಿತ್ಯ-ಪಾಯಿತ್ಯ ಇಲ್ದೆ ಇದ್ರೂ

ಪೇಂಟಿಂಗ್ ಇದೆ. ಸೆನ್ಸ್ ಆಫ್ ಹ್ಯೂಮರ್ ಇದೆ.

ಆದ್ರೂ ಒಂದೇ ಒಂದ್ಸಲ

ನೀನು ಹೇಳಿ-ಬಿಡಬಹುದಿತ್ತು ಕಣೇ.

Been chatting with Devon all night. Dammit – he has me all hot and bothered. Just thinking about fucking him last night; I’m wet and swollen. I want to straddle him cowgirl style and fuck him like crazy right now. We’re talking about mountain getaway for a night. The one requirement is it has an outdoor hot tub. Mountains. Snow. Wine. Giant cock. Wet Pussy. Okay, I think I need a few minutes alone.

Last night was Lisa’s party. She’s aware of Devon and I. She is also aware of Brad and I, hence why I set them up.

I wasn’t sure how to dress. I wanted to get all “slutted up”, but couldn’t make it too obvious since my husband was home. Settled for skinny jeans, fitted black top and black heels and light make-up. Looked innocent enough, but I knew that if Devon sat with his arm around me, he’d have a clear view of my breasts, because looking down, it shows of the titties!

Devon and I got there early compared to the other guests. I could tell he was a little uncomfortable at first, but Lisa settled him in on the sofa with the television remote. I helped get things together until others began to arrive and then took my place next to Devon. I think we were both a little nervous together, but soon our hormones took over and I was practically on his lap. We spent most of the evening cuddled together, being the sickeningly cute couple – it’s so funny that no one suspected that we shouldn’t be together.

Brad arrived about 30 minutes after we did, looking like he just finished a H&M photo shoot. Fitted black button up, tailored jeans and dress shoe…my God! He can almost make me forget how sexy I think Devon is. I guess I should state that Brad is physically the type of guy I always fall for and then get rejected by, so the fact he fucked me, still make me a little giddy.

He greeted me with a hug and then hugged Lisa and sat in a chair next to me. I introduced him to Devon, and chatted with the two of them while Lisa and her roommate got things going. Brad and Devon were definitely sizing each other up, but were completely respectful to each other.

A couple of awkward moments came about when talk of penis sizes and how to tell by hands came up. When Brad was asked to show his hand and illustrates his size, someone in the room jokingly asked if anyone could vouch for him (it was an impressive illustration). Brad looked at me, bright red as I’m sure I was and there was an awkward silence for a moment. The second was when Lisa introduced a drinking game (high school?) called “I’ve Never”. When explaining the rules, she used the example ‘I’ve never slept with Maggie’.  People looked at Devon, but then Brad let out a little giggle and again, awkward and curious silence. Thanks Lisa!

Brad and Lisa did seem to hit it off and before I knew it, Devon was telling me that it was time for him to go. I walked into Lisa’s room to grab my coat and purse and Devon grabbed my from behind and slowly kissed my neck and shoulders. He ran his hands up from my sides to my breast and began kissing the other side of my neck. I leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek and then he stopped saying he shouldn’t start what he couldn’t finish. What? I think not! I grabbed his hand, peered around the corner to see if Brad and Lisa were paying attention and then drug Devon to the bathroom.

As soon as I locked the door, we stood against the sink with the lights off, passionately kissing. Knowing that I’d have to go back to Lisa to get a condom, I wasn’t sure where this was going to lead. Devon’s hands were everywhere and I could feel my pussy swell with anticipation. Before I knew it, I had his pants undone and his cock in my hands, teasing the tip of it and massaging his balls. I turned him around so I could have my back to the sink, he took my pants off, I hopped up and he slipped right into my hungry pussy. I know, I know – we didn’t use a condom. I know.

I leaned back on the sink as far as I could without knocking shit everywhere. After a while he told me to hop off and spun me around and bent me over. Trying to keep my moaning to a minimum was nearly impossible. Devon’s cock is not only long and thick, but he knows exactly what to do with it and my pussy. I could feel his right hand reach around and play with my clit while he pumped away. I came almost instantly. GOD!

Finally, he asked me to get on the floor. I thought he was going to tackle me as I was trying to position myself in the mess we had made. He climbed on top of me, wrapped my legs around him and began to have at me. Again, trying to restrain my moaning was difficult, I found myself biting his shoulder or my own lip to keep from screaming out in pleasure. After several minutes of powerful thrusting, he’d had my head up against the door so I had to push my arms against the door to keep my head from banging off of it. Finally, I gave up as I came again and my head smacked the bottom of the door. I didn’t care, he and cum inside me as well and I felt him just fall on top of me. We laid there for a minute, him kissing my neck and lips and then we both had to laugh. We felt like college kids again.

We got dressed in the dark and then I finally turned on the lights to make sure we didn’t leave our “mark” in Lisa’s bathroom. Got everything in order, straightened ourselves up and walked out. We went back to get my coat when Lisa asked if the buddy system was now in place for the bathroom. I could only respond “yes” and blush while looking at Brad. I quickly grabbed my coat, gave Lisa a kiss on the cheek and Devon and I left. I couldn’t even speak to Brad. How sad is that? I mean it was a month ago, and there were no expectations. Plus, I’m setting him up with my best girlfriend! I just couldn’t make eye contact with him as I left.

Took Devon back to his car, kissed a little more and said our goodbyes. Today I learned Brad didn’t get lucky last night; Lisa’s ex called to say he was coming over, so Brad left but wants to see her again. He and I have been talking today; he seems really into her. Devon has also been messaging me, he says to “look out, here comes his heart”. I’m not sure what to think about that yet. Part of me wants to say “I love you”, because that’s second nature. When you’re married as long as me, you fuck your husband and say “I love you”, and I have strong feelings for him, but are they love? I don’t think so…not yet at least.

The H1N1 Swine Flu virus knows no borders,has no boundaries, and has absolutely no respect for religious or cultural traditions.

This year at the annual Hajj to Mecca,  Four foreign pilgrims have died of swine flu, the Saudi Health Ministry announced on Saturday.

The Saudi Arabia Health Ministry  said none of the four foreign victims had been vaccinated against the H1N1 virus, as has been recommended by The Health Ministry.

An official statement released by the ministry said all had underlying health problems, including cancer and respiratory illness, AFP news agency reported.

Three of the victims died in Medina and one in Mecca.

http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1&section=0&article=128688&d=22&m=11&y=200Over

The BBC is reporting that….up to three million Muslims from around the world take part in the holy pilgrimage every year, but health officials have expressed fears that it could provide a breeding ground for the virus.

Authorities had tried to prepare for any outbreaks by installing thermal cameras at airports and sea terminals, deploying 15,000 additional health workers and ensuring hundreds of extra beds were available.

The Hajj (Arabic: حج‎ Ḥaǧǧ) is a pilgrimage to Mecca. It is currently the largest annual pilgrimage in the world,^[1] and is the fifth pillar of Islam, a moral obligation that must be carried out at least once in their lifetime by every able-bodied Muslim who can afford to do so. The Hajj is a demonstration of the solidarity of the Muslim people, and their submission to Allah (God).^[2] The pilgrimage occurs from the 7th to 13th day of Dhu al-Hijjah, the 12th month of the Islamic calendar. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hajj)

The Health Minister has reported that there are 16 other people that have been diagnosed with swine flu and four remain in hospital in “critical condition”.

He added 12 others had recovered following treatment.

The Saudi government has recommended the elderly, pregnant women, people with chronic diseases and children skip the Hajj this year.

The Saudi government has said all pilgrims need a certificate of vaccination before they can apply for a visa.

This is real people, and this disease is spreading worldwide,at a rapid pace.

I encourage everyone to get a H1N1 swine flu shot as soon as you can.The reports of any side effects are exaggerated, and will cause millions of people to perish from the lack of the vaccine.

Any paranoia surrounding any alledged complications from the shot are totally unsubstantiated, and if those people out there insist on not receiving the vaccine, then we as a society should only expect more mounting mass casualties from the swine flu, as exhibited this weekend, unfortunately in Mecca.

If it can happen in Mecca, it can happen anywhere.

Please everyone, wash your hands, and go get the shot.

To follow the full story, click on the links for my sources below…

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iDApMAhUln5jw-ffhzIZCh0I_-bgD9C41MJ00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8372378.stm

http://www.saudiembassy.net/latest_news/news11210903.aspx

you could be in the snow

walking in the rain

out under the stars

or just near me

and that would suite me

just fine.

you’re a wonder

and i want to be

your delectable disaster

or magnificent dream.

either way

I’m into you

being into me.

I get to see Devon in about in an hour. I’m not as giddy as I thought it would be, but yes I am excited. Oddly enough, Brad will be there. He’s coming to meet my friend Lisa, the host of the party. Everyone is aware of the whole circle of events – could be a bit awkward for me, but I put myself here. I’m actually kind of wondering if I’ll want to sneak off with Brad. That’s terrible of me! Seriously though, does it get better for a woman than that?!?! Two men in one room, who will fuck you in a moments notice and leave you smiling.

Details tomorrow!

We spend a lot of time dwelling on the physical nature of our illness.  There is the horrifying mutilation of the body that some of us must endure.  There are the therapies, themselves a poison to us.  There are the tests and the inevitable and worrisome waiting for results which will give us a glimpse into the future.

The physical being is infected with cancer.  Cancer is a mutation of our bodies, a mutation seemingly bent on destroying the very host which gave it life.  Why I got cancer is really of no interest to me.  The reality is that I have it and have so far survived all that has been thrown at me.  Yet the physical aspect does not complete the picture of what cancer does to us.  We are forever scarred physically by cancer, doomed to live the rest of our life no matter how long that may be always wondering when we will ultimately succumb to it and die.

The destruction cancer brings is not limited to our physical bodies.  It also brings about changes in the intangibles of our mind, our thoughts, our desires, our fears, our very spirit.  All is forever changed by the diagnosis that we have cancer.

Marvina and I were married on December 19, 2003.  In February of 2004 the cancer was found.

Marvina and I had been together for some time before we were married.  Years in fact.  She was and still is, the one true love of my life.

I think about that a lot.

I am absolutely sure that Marvina is the reason I am here today.  There is a dichotomy in Marvina that captures my attention.  She is at the same time an incredibly strong yet weak woman.  That probably doesn’t make much sense but it is a part of her.  There are many facets to her.  Each one unique and powerfully attractive.  Yet is was her strength of will that kept me here.  Seven words spoken to me while I hovered in and out of consciousness after my surgery brought me back from an abyss that I was ready to sink into.  “Don’t go.  I’m not finished with you.”  So I returned.

But I was to soon learn that I was no longer a whole entity.  I was missing a couple of organs, had this horrid hole in my abdomen and a plastic bag forever glued to my skin.  Worse, a key element of my expression of love to her, my ability to complete a physical union with her, was no more.

Actually, that isn’t true.  There is a new paradigm to be explored.  There is always the possibility of completing a physical union but really, is that truly the definition of expressed intimacy between two human beings?  I no longer think it is.  Instead there is a new and unexplored horizon of possibilities laying in wait for us to begin poking around in, no pun intended.  Yes, the days of the rapid ramping up of physical want, the frantic struggle of union and the slow descent afterwards may not be what it once was but nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible once self-imposed roadblocks are removed.

Marvina once told me that when my cancer was first found she had morphed from the role of wife and lover into that of caretaker and that she was unsure whether she could change back.  This yet again is an example of the tertiary damage done to people when cancer presents its ugly self.  Your closest, deepest relationship is changed.  Maybe not forever but still changed.

It isn’t all that bad though.  I have re-discovered something that I, like most of us, loose over the course of time.  I learned, no, I relearned that the simple act of kissing Marvina is itself a singularly wonderful and very satisfying moment.  While we certainly kissed throughout our relationship both before and after the cancer, the kiss that I speak of is the deep lingering kind that leaves you breathless and wanting more.

I’ve also rediscovered the warmth of her.  This one may not make a lot of sense when one considers that we have been in close proximity for years and then ponders how I could miss the fact that she emits heat.  But it isn’t that kind of heat that I speak of.  Well it is but it isn’t.  I guess where I’m going here is that I have become aware, once again, of the warmth of her touch or that differing parts of her body have unique heat signatures.  This was all previously discovered when we first came together.  A moment of exploration where we learned more about each other then all that we had spoken of before.

Intimacy is still there.  It just isn’t built around the act of coitus.  Intimacy as a total sharing of ourselves with each other and savoring each and every important morsel.

We change as we grow through life.  Priorities are different.  Evolution.  But somehow along the way we loose sight of what really is important.  Somewhere along the line we begin taking things for granted.

I no longer take it for granted that I will be alive tomorrow.  I can’t see into the future.  I may live another ten, twenty even thirty years or I could be run over by a bus tomorrow morning.  I save tomorrow for tomorrow.  I have today, the here and now to focus on and savor.

Yes, cancer changed me physically and it changed me psychologically.  So did it inflict the later on those who love me.  But that change brought me the gift of open eyes, eyes that see what is and is not important.  Can I be intimate with my wife now?  Yes, I am every minute I am with her.

James says…

The saying goes, I’m a lover not a fighter.

Well, I’m a lover not a sexer!

After writing my last post on It’s not about the clitoris I actually felt a tad prudy afterwards. (Missy often comments I can be quite talkative and uninhibited in the bedroom but more reserved outside. Which is funny because I think she can be the opposite. Maybe if we both stood in the doorway it would even out?)

It reminded me, though, of how much pressure we put ourselves under (guys and girls) to get sex just right, with so much physical and emotional investment. And as a friend of ours said, “We would have more sex, but it just takes so LONG!” Well if sex takes a long time, then love takes an eternity.

I was thinking how much we read about sex to make ourselves “better lovers”. But is that what we’re really doing? Are we making ourselves better lovers or just better sexers? Do we focus so much on technique and ways to spice up our relationship that we forget to work on the fundamentals — the love we have for one another that leads to feelings of sexiness that should easily and naturally flow from?

Missy said to me early on before we got married that if most people spent as much time on their relationship as their work, there would be far fewer divorces. If you consider that the average divorce costs someone in the vicinity of $53,000 you can quickly convince yourself, even on just a financial level, that some preventative strategies may be worthwhile.

I’m sure you won’t hear the financial planners talking about love in these terms “Well Mr and Mrs X your super is growing nicely, you’ve paid off your house and your kid’s schooling savings are on track, but your love spreadsheet is massively in the red. Let me put some candles on these tax forms here, put on some Barry White music and we’ll see if we can work out where your joint investment soured.

We recognised early on, even before the honeymoon phase ended (we like to think it just changed and matured into something better like fine wine or maybe cheese) that love isn’t something that will just take care of itself, even if you’re with someone who is your soul mate. We decided to hold regular “board meetings” to discuss where we’ve gone right and where we can improve (and we like to believe we can always improve). Sometimes they are formal affairs where we sit and map out our joint financial goals. Other times it’s just in the car, singing along badly to CDs and then talking about our relationship. Sometimes we are a bit slack, and one or the other of us needs to remind the other to put some time aside, but we try not to let it get out of control. I love that we take the time to talk about our love for each other and never take it for granted.

For us this is different than times we put aside for love making. If anything, the more time we work on “making” sure the “love” is flowing, the easier and more natural it is for us to make love anyway.

You might have read of dozens of ways to get your partner more interested in sex again, from dirty weekends to lingerie and adult shops. But how many ways can you come up with to help you and your partner love each other more? How much time do you spend on fostering love versus fostering sex?

I know sometimes when we both get busy, Missy and I need to put aside time to reconnect, WAY before we actually have sex again. Touching, kissing, even just talking about things other than work, finances and daily routines. It’s something I’ve learnt that wasn’t in the how-to guides I read when I was younger. Men are always up for sex, women need to feel connected, nurtured and respected before they can make love.

As many authors have said, women need to feel loved to have sex, and men have sex to feel loved. That’s quite a paradox and dilemmna. (Maybe it would work better if we met halfway in the doorway again?) Assume, though, that if we take care of the woman the man will be okay (because if she feels loved there is more likely to be sex which will make the man happy). It’s not that simple, I know, but let’s use it as a working theory.

It’s easy to let little resentments build up. On their own they’re not a big deal but left uncommunicated I believe they can be fatal because they gradually build up and block the flow of love. And I would much rather know about them early on thank you very much than when the dam bursts.

I joke with missy that I can remember 9 of the 10 things I commonly do that annoy her and avoid doing those nine, it’s just I rotate which one I forget. Let’s see, off the top of my head…

The top 10 things that James does that annoy Missy:

10/ Leaving the toilet seat up

9/ Not cleaning up after myself when preparing food

8/ Not closing the wardrobe door when I’m finished with items inside

7/ Not putting new liners in the bathroom bin before putting floss in

6/ Not remembering to wash my hands in the laundry instead of the kitchen sink after dirty jobs

5/ Opening the fridge door with my hands if have been touching meat

4/ Putting wet shirts/clothing in the hamper with everything else

3/ Forgetting to wipe my feet off before getting in to bed

2/ Talking over the top of her or not letting her finish a sentence when she is PAUSING (and I think she’s finished because I assume everyone else talks as fast as me and doesn’t need air)

1/ Damn… what was that 10th one?

What do these 10 things have to do with love? They might seem trivial on their own but if I ignore them I’m ignoring what’s important to Missy and therefore what’s important to our relationship. She is very forgiving of me with the 10th thing because she knows I make a genuine effort to avoid doing the other 9. I think somehow she’s more likely to feel loved if I do those things than if I’ve spent all day annoying her and then just try to smooth things over by putting on the candles and the Barry White

I think when it comes to Missy the greatest things I know how to do to show her I want to love her (not just sex her) are to tell her each and every day that I love her. To hug her, kiss her and touch her because I love her not just because I want to have sex with her. To care about her day and actually listen. To care enough about her to take note of the things that are important to her beacuse they are important to me as well. If I do those things, I know very well that she will reciprocate and do things that are important to me (and that’s not just having sex with me).

Because I don’t just want to make love with my partner, I want to make life with her.

Okay, I failed to mention that while I was shopping with Devon I got a text from Brad. What the fuck? He had nothing to do with me once he got off. Anyway, I guess my purse called him and he was saying he missed my call. No biggie; ignore it and move on.

Now texts from him are coming in at a steady stream. Told him I was seeing someone and he sent me a beautiful naked photo of himself. God, he is so fucking beautiful! Not the best lover, but insanely sexy…he makes all those pretty boys on TV look ordinary. Damn him!

I’ve been taking a few hiphop classes for around 2 months now, and my gosh, talk about total out of shape. At a yuppie age of 21, I can’t help but feel freakin’ old and awkward doing all these moves that were once a piece of cake to me. Sure, I wasn’t great, but I had a few bragging rights. Now, when I dance in front of the mirror, all I see is one wobbly soft woman who can’t pop and lock to save her life…or at least, just enough to keep her barely breathing. I feel frustrated a whole lot of times, knowing that I could have done so much more about it before. I guess I took my first (and last) dance rejection too hard that I let it come my way. So, here I am now, paying for a per session class at the nearby studio in hopes of at least, shedding off the pounds if not learn to the dance with the “oomph!”, as I like to put it. If I could only attend the weekly sessions religiously, I would! It’s just too bad that I have classes until 6, and rush hour traffic is just plain bad for me to rush over to Planet Jupiter.

Anyway, I always look forward to my Friday sessions at the studio because I get to do some cardio work that I love, plus I get to really just let go and move on the dance floor (awkwardness and rustiness aside!). The instructors are really friendly and great, and just downright UH-MAY-ZING when they show us the routine we’re about to learn. In fact, I always forget NOT to gape when they do the dance with music.

Here’s a few videos I grabbed from the group’s You tube channel: (Limited Edition)

Adam in the black cap in front! Amazzzzzing.

Limited Edition’s Adam Alonzo, in black and I think that’s Ryan on the left side, with the cap.

Ryan Stalder’s class!

Sigh. I’m such a sucker for boys who dance! Even if they aren’t my type, I totally crush them if I dig their style. I wanna get someone  like that to call my lover! I’ll totally let him blow my mind on the dance floor.

Missy says… Isn’t it funny the way men would like sex on their birthday but women would much rather go to a day spa?

Given the choice (sex or day spa) I would choose the day spa every time. It’s a little ironic. Both activities require me to shave my legs, get undressed, and have someone else touch my body. Both activities will leave me with a nice glow at the end.

So why would I take the day spa? Maybe it’s because the day spa is undoubtedly beautiful. Successful day spas know that it is as much about the surroundings as the treatments themselves. There will be soft lighting, aromatherapy, clean white sheets, flowers, filtered water, calming music and fluffy robes.

Yes, you could do all of this for me at home. But would there also be the ornate decorative tiles (that do not require me to clean them) or the blooming green plants (that do not require me to water them). There will not be a dirty dish in sight, nor a hungry cat, a barking dog, or unexpected visitors knocking on the door. There will not be ringing phones, distracting lawn mowers, dust rolling along the hallway, or children about to burst into the room at any moment. There will not be the thoughts of the need to get something out of the freezer for dinner, the sudden thought that I’ve left the washing in the washing machine since yesterday and it will start to smell, or the nagging thought that there is something I should be doing.

The reason I love a day spa so much (aside from the total and utter joy of being massaged without any expectation to perform in return), is the total removal from my daily surrounds, which has the effect of quieting my mind–the thing that gets in the way of sex most of all.

So, yes, I’d rather go to a day spa.

But, here’s the double gift. Having been to the day spa, I will then feel so relaxed and pampered and pretty that I will be much keener to undress for the lovely man who bought me the gift in the first place.

i’m gonna be a tad dramatic in this post, i’ll have to be honest. yeah, i’ve always cared so much about the shit that people say or think of me. and now, it’s like bliss, when i realized; why should i care about it anyhow? cause what they’ve got to say doesn’t really matter, i’ve just been myself, if they don’t like it, i won’t give a damn. i’m so sick of being treated like someone else’s doormat. you want a doormat or someone to go to for advice only when you need or want to? go to someone else, not me. i won’t try to be nice and good to everyone else anymore, what’s the use of it anyway? and i’ll stop feeling so guilty and bad everytime i don’t be nice to someone because all that matters is my own opinion. i’m done with wanting to be accepted by everyone around me cause this is who i am, deal with it. i know that alot of people get annoyed with me cause of my laugh, but hey guess what, some people actually think that my laugh is awesome. i don’t care about being hated or being talked bad about behind my back. not anymore anyway. i’m different. i’m a complex person. i don’t think anything can fully describe or express who i really am. not even myself. i’m better off friends with people who appreciate and love me for everything that i am rather than someone who just uses me. i deserve better.

♥

On a different note… this is something i wrote about the person who broke my heart… its a song… its long but it needs to be posted… for me… Here it is!

How I still hate you
but I want you everyday,
my heart yearns for you
and it calls for you somehow,
wishing that I never met you
but I don’t know how to let you go,
how long will I sit
in this bottomless pit

how long how long how long will you keep me here
I want to change
I want to grow but
I’m afraid to let go
I want to be
I want to see
but I can’t let there be

how do you keep me bound
when you have no ground
to say anything at all
how do you keep me here
when there’s nothing left
I just want to be free
I want to run from you
I want to run from me
oh lover stay away
stay stay away
you say your gonna go one way
but you go in circles

how many times
how many times
how many times
do I have to fall for it over again
how many times will I think its the same
until I realize its a game

let me run cuz I want to stay
you’ve gone far away so far
yet my heart cries for you

how long how long how long will I ask for you
how long how long how long will I keep crying for you
how long how long how long till I break free from you
from this
from your constant battle
from your constant game
how long how long how long how long how long till I break free
leave me be
leave me be oh lover

BRIDGE
March in a different direction because this heart is breaking in pieces
March in another direction because your starting to change me to something I don’t want to be
stupid
broken
hearted
lover
I can’t
keep going on
there’s nothing left here all you see is rubble all you see is brokenness all you feel is ashes running through your hands ashes ashes ashes

how long how long how long till I’m sane again,
how long how long how long how long till I can walk tall
how long how long how long how long how long till I can look you in the eyes and not feel anything at all
look you in the eyes and tell you go away run away leave me be
how long how long how long till your touch is nothing to me
nothing to me
when your kisses feel like poison to my skin
when your gaze feels like its burning my flesh alive
how long how long how long how long how long till I feel sick of calling your name
calling your heart
crying out for you
running to you
and the smell of you
how long how long how long

I believe love is to be nurtured and enhanced, on a daily basis.

It’s very challenging to try to aim to pull off huge loving stuns everyday, but it could be more realistic and practical to water and care for the love plant, day after day.

Love is, today, and everyday.

This set of love coaster, embroidered with the names of the partners, appreciate the loving, tender affection, everyday.

I need to hear from you other women out there. How do you do this? It’s not the getting caught that has me losing my mind, it’s the “when am I going to see him next?” making me lose it.

I woke up today with a “morning sexy” text. I’m so not into texting, but he is, so whatever. His wife is off work today and they are running errands together, so messages from him are sporadic. Most have been us ribbing each other about how sore we are from yesterdays tryst, but then he sent one that said “we’re going to make a great couple”. Again, I felt like a high schooler.  I just want to be in his arms with him kissing me right now. That’s all. Instead I am sitting by my cell phone, waiting for him to text – it’s quite maddening! I really need to work.

I’m hoping I can meet up with him tomorrow. I have an out of office client meeting (not a house wife, so don’t be fooled by the domain); keeping my fingers crossed he can meet up for some coffee before I head back. There’s also a scenic plot of land downtown I keep meaning to visit and we’re trying to find time to go together.

Really though, how do you women do it? Especially those of you who are married and dating married men? Help a sister out!

I hope around Devon is where this blog starts to take shape. He has me feeling like 16-year-old school girl, and I love it!

A few nights ago, while having sex with my husband for the first time in months, I realized that I am never going to be sexually satisfied by him. I’ve known this, and I’ve tried to force the connection, but I can’t. I’m not saying I want to stop fucking my husband, I can’t; I’m married to him. I just can’t enjoy it anymore. There’s no kissing, not intimacy – nothing – for me anyway. Yes, I cum. He’s good, but I need that spark and it’s not there.

So the next morning, I took to my computer and put out an ad looking for a “boyfriend”. While most replies were looking for a fuck (which could be nice too), I want a steady thing. A ” friends with benefits” sort of relationship. One reply really jumped out and that was Devon’s. He’s 29 and basically in the same boat. Married, one kid and wants something more than a fling. Has not intentions of leaving his wife, but wants a partner. I responded and he sent his photo. Yeah, WOW! I sent mine back thinking he’d pass and he replied back with his phone number wanting me to text him.

We ended up setting up a time to meet yesterday so I could follow him to his home. He works from home, his wife works in a professional office and the kid was at school. We got to his condo and he gently kissed me. We stood in his living room wrapped in each other, kissing for what seems like eternity. He has amazing dark hair that hangs to the back of his neck that I loved running my fingers through.

Finally he made the move to lift off my blouse and unhook my bra. Before he could pull my ‘just purchased for him’ bra, I began to unbutton his back shirt to reveal a small, soft patch of chest hair. Not one of hairy chests, I didnt mind and raked my fingers through it and it was during that my bra slipped off.

He bent down to suck on my nipples and then kissed his way back up to my mouth. Still standing in his living room, he started undoing my jeans and pulling them and my panties down in one swoop. As I went to undo his, he forwarned me he doesn’t wear underwear, so as I tugged them down, there was his HUGE cock waiting for me!

Finally he sat down on his couch and I straddled his lap, kissing and fondling each other. Oddly enough, we were talking too. Conversations ranged from us both from the same area originally to marriage. He the grabbed one of the Magnum’s I bought and proceeded to fuck me on his couch until I came. Slowing down every so often to kiss me and always making eye contact; he was very intense. After I came, he grabbed my hand and we moved up stairs to his bedroom.

I have to admit, being in he and his wife’s room was a little weird at first, but I forgot about it about 3 thrusts in. Reminding me, that he wasn’t a “5 minute” lover, I knew I was in for a long and amazing afternoon. He threw my legs up on his left shoulder and pounded away…I came almost instantly. We kept going until he finally came and I had cum again.

We layed there on his bed, my head on his chest, talking about how comfortable we were with each other, and how right it felt. Conversation drifted on to other minute things and before long he had me back on my back and was reaching for another condom.

We began doggy-style and finished spooning. I think I had 5 orgasms yesterday afternoon. Ahhh. I layed there in his arms and we just kissed each other. He kept saying how he “wanted this, wanted us”.  I wanted to fall asleep there with him, but knew that was out of the question.

We got up and went down stairs to find out clothes. He had told me he was a musician, so I followed him to his computer so he could play me samples. I stood there with my arms tight around him and him kissing my neck. Lust. Oh, how I’ve missed you!

I soon had to leave to beat my son home from school. Devon kissed me goodbye at the door and then texted me throughout the evening. I’m sunk.

So four years had passed since Brian and I was getting that itch again. Another out-of-town business trip, so I thought “why not” and went to CL again. This time I met Brad. He was actually driving through the town I was staying in and wanted to meet up the morning I left. I debated picking up a second guy, but thinking that was too “whore-ish”, I opted for the 24, black hair, blue-eyed, lean cut brad. YUM.

I got up that morning and quickly showered and he was texting me how he was ready to meet. He finally got to the hotel and as soon as he walked through the door his clothes were off. Not sure how it happened so quickly. He looked like a fucking Abercrombie model and he was naked in front of me.

He was quickly peeling of my clothes and then tossed me onto the bed and crawled on top. He put on his condom and went to work. He didn’t have the most impressive cock, but the boy could kiss. He stopped fucking for a moment to go south and give my wet pussy a few licks and then flip me over to my stomach. I raised my ass up to meet his awaiting dick and he pounded away. We flipped back over and went at it from the side of the bed. I knew he wasn’t going to get me to cum, so I faked the orgasm. He soon came and the later asked to cum again on my stomach. We cleaned up, talked music and he left. It was very much a “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” event. I hated it.

I went home feeling like shit. Never had I felt so bad about what I had done. It had been years since my last affair, months since my last fuck with my husband and I was ready to pull the car over and just cry. What was I doing? How had I become this person? I began to hate myself.

I finally opened up to a friend about it and it was liberating. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do – stay the same, have more frequent affairs, quit – but I didn’t feel like an evil asshole after talking to her. How is it that my husband and I can be so liberal and open-minded about everything, but this one subject, and it’s still taboo? I thought it was time for me to really do some soul-searching.

I love my memory of Brian! Hate how we met, but sadly it will become a common theme.

I met/fucked Brian almost 4 years ago, to date. I was going out-of-town for business and we had hit a rough spot in a marriage. I knew my husband had been cyber-sexing with this girl. I was pissed when I confronted him and I don’t know why. I think it was more to do with “fake” cheating. If your going to cheat on me, cheat! Don’t type and jerk off dammit! Anyway, I was feeling spiteful, so knowing I was going to have a hotel room for a night I posted an ad on Craig’s List. I was flooded with requests, but one stood out – Brian.

Brian was a tall, lean, handsome Marine that was stationed where I would be staying. College educated, articulate, gorgeous – he was what I wanted. We emailed and exchanged numbers and made all the plans. That night we met at a local bar, had a couple of drinks and went back to my room.

I think every new position that I know is from Brian; that boy had me inside out! His cock wasn’t as large as Lance’s, but still impressive in size, but he knew how to use it. He hit all the right nerves I think I lost my voice screaming God’s name. Poor kid, I had him out til 3am, fucking his brains out and then he had to report at 5 for drills.

All I know about Brian since that night, is he was transferred a few weeks later to the opposite side of the country and then deployed to Iraq. I hope he’s still ok.Bri

Oh Lance. How did you ever happen? This was my first affair (8 years ago?), and even though I don’t really regret any of them, I think of him as a mistake.

My husband’s private company Christmas party was held at a hotel with only high management staff and their guests allowed to attend since the company flipped the bill for everyone’s hotel room. The whole night we had an open bar at our disposal and this cute little, young thing that was directly below my husband, Lance, was giving me the eye all night. All dressed up in our formal, we’d sit too close with his hand on my knee, but since everyone was drunk, no one seemed to notice, including my husband.

After my husband turned in for the night, I stayed up to party with his colleagues. Lance invited me back to his room where he proceeded to bring out a baggie with a joint. Drunk and high, he asked if my husband would fire him if he kissed me. I don’t remember my answer, but I remember us kissing by an open window and it being freezing cold.

We were soon interrupted by a knock; someone needing Lance for whatever reason. I stayed in his room and laid in his bed fully clothed. He came back, kissed me and the proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t fair how “hard” I made him. I sat up, undid his slacks, pulled out what had to be a 9 inch cock and took it all in. Now Lance is a small guy, 5′7, 150 lbs, tops – the sheer size of his dick shocked and thrilled me.

After blowing him for a couple of minutes, neither of us could take it any longer. He’d had condoms in his wallet and he proceeded to fuck me like I’d never been fucked before. I’d never had that size of a cock inside of me so I could feel it tear, but it felt so good! We ended the night with him titty-fucking me and then cumming on my chest. I cleaned up, went back to my room and never spoke with him again.