The definition of lust (from no other than wikipedia) is “an intense desire or craving.” And trust me, according to that definition, I lust over a million things (especially food.. I love food) depending on the day. So here are some things I lust after regularly. 

1. Sushi

Seriously, if you call me and say it’s sushi time, I’m down every single time. I’m always in the mood for some spicy tuna or salmon or tempura shrimp. Eel, yellowtail, crab, you name it. I fell in love my senior year in high school and now whenever my dad comes into town, we get sushi (we’re the only ones in the family who like it). 

2. Acceptance

This sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I long for acceptance from the people around me. No one likes feeling like an outcast or feeling left out. I’ve had those experiences in my life and they’re not fun. I feel like a part of everyone cares what other people think, even if it’s not a big part. I do care what my peers think, even though I feel like I care a little less than I did a few years ago. But nonetheless, acceptance is a good thing. 

3. Love

I’m a typical hopeless romantic. That does not mean I’m in to PDA, or being clingy, or constantly being with that person. But, I love the feeling of being in love. It’s exciting and fun and passionate and different. While I long for the feeling again, I’m not looking to get settled down with someone anytime soon. I’m only 21, there’s plenty of time for that  

4. A career in the FBI

Seriously… biggest thing I desire right now. That is the dream. The ultimate dream. I found my calling, and all I want is to succeed in getting a job with them. Whether it be as an analyst or an agent, I will be happy no matter what because I know I made it. I have never wanted something more than this, so I’ve been working hard to achieve my dream!

5. Chocolate.

Generic girl answer right? Give me a chocolate cake, and it’ll be gone. I love it. So much. I’m on a cleanse this week, so no chocolate until next sunday. But seriously… I feel like I’m always craving some sort of chocolate. I have quite the sweet tooth.

Okay so there’s some generic things that I desire, crave or lust after. I’m finally caught up again on the challenge, so until tomorrow! 

Kissing birds in my yard
Have a lot of things to share,
Like us in motel bed.

Singing bird by my window
Tries to lure me into lust,
Like girls on the street.

A bird flying away
Has nothing to say to me,
Like a girl showing her back.

Pulse quickened, shaking, heart burst,

Lips ready to part.

After dating someone for a long time, you’ll get to know their siblings, their parents, their pets, and even their extended family. I’m a pretty obnoxious and loud person, but at home I’m reserved and timid. So, when I get to meet my boyfriend’s family, after a few times of making small talk and seeing them on a frequent basis, I get comfortable. I begin establishing a solid relationship. So what happens when your boyfriend decides he likes another girl more than you (but won’t admit it to your face) and you break up? What happens to your relationship with his family?

In particular, a certain relationship comes to mind and to be honest, the break up with his mother was almost more devastating than the one with him.

Enter: summer 2007. I was 17-years-old and had an array of activities lined up for myself. Along with morning cross-country practice, I had my first part-time job where I would be saving money for my first car (never saved for a car, bought a MacBook instead, no surprise here), and I was about to begin watching the entire series of The OC for the first time. Along with these “exciting” opportunities, I began dating a boy whom I actually really liked since my first boyfriend (I had two boyfriends in-between my first BF and this guy, player over here). We had such a fantastic relationship—he introduced me to my love for Apple and technology, we went to theme parks on the weekends and rode roller coasters all night, and would go on runs together (I eventually introduced him to the “joy” of running).

But, something almost better than my relationship with him was my relationship with his mother. Sarah* was so cool and just the kind of role model a 17-year-old dreamed of. First, I was allowed to call her Sarah and she always encouraged my writing—for once I wasn’t pursuing a career that was “going down hill.” She took me to my first trip to New York City where I fell in love with everything there was to offer. When I was taking an apparel design class I sewed/quilted a bag that she used for months after it was presented to her. She was just the nicest, most welcoming mom I had ever met. When my boyfriend broke up with me for another girl, I was more upset about what would happen with Sarah*.

Well, nothing happened, I went on with my life Sarah-less. It wasn’t until the end of my junior year when I was at a train station headed to the airport to embark on my first European adventure sans family is when I saw her since the break up. She was sitting down at a table; card in hand, waiting for me. She handed me a beautiful card with a note about how I will become a successful journalist along with some spending money for my trip. After my trip I visited their home to give a few gifts that I purchased for their family and that was the last time I saw her.

Up until this week when I saw her eating frozen yogurt outside of my gym. What did I do? I dodged a bullet and hid behind my hair. How could I ignore someone who had been such an amazing role model in my life? Well, since then, I had been more than over my relationship with my ex and I guess along with that came his life. I’ll still remember his mom as the first person who introduced me to my future home and career…and I’ll still remember him as a the dick who found someone else. I guess some things never change huh?

“Single Girl” is tired of hooking up with random dudes at frat parties, dealing with men leading her on, and always having to make the first move. Dealing with the unfortunate scene of college dating, “Single Girl” tackles the topics of love, lust, and relationships. 

Obligations surrendered to our
Narcotic need for
Ecstasy

Needing to feel love’s kiss
I turn to you in my emptiness
Grasping to
Hold love’s sweetness
Tending to desires call…

Skin to skin
Touching my chest
Ambitions let go to
Nourish the need
Damned if I do

… Act upon such a deed, a one-night stand is not what I need.

Raja Williams, All Rights Reserved 2013

photo credit

John 4:6-10
Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with [his] journey, sat thus on the well: [and] it was about the sixth hour. There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink. (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat. Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.

The word today is from the account of the woman at the well which many of you are familiar with, but if not take a few minutes to read it. There are many wonderful truths in this short encounter. The truth I feel impressed of the Lord to bring out today concerns areas that He is dealing with in my life and no doubt areas He wants to deal with in yours. In the natural scheme of the life of that day, this encounter with Jesus should have never happened. In the eyes of society and especially the typical Jewish outlook, this woman was way beneath good Jewish men, being considered little more than a dog. You know, in our state of sin we are much on that same level in regards to God and His holiness and greatness. Yet, God’s incomprehensible love humbles itself to come down to where we are in the messiness of our lives, in the squalor of our filth and sin and minister’s life to us. All of our lives we have come to the well and drank the waters of self efforts, our goodness and the accomplishments our own lives. The very best of what it could do or offer always left us thirsting again. Now, here is a man that is offering us living water that we would never thirst again. Wouldn’t that be great to never have to rely on my self-efforts and goodness to satisfy that thirsting of my soul? Here is a man that is offering to allow me to drink from the deep wells of salvation. It is so much more than the well of my religion that my forefathers dug. It is a well of deep relationship that forever satisfies.
As that woman, I would think, “this is wonderful, but who is this guy? Are you greater than what we have had before? Are you greater than our doctrine or religion or the belief system I have grown up with all my life? And where do you get this water seeing you have nothing to draw it with (no degree, pedigrees or theological background)? “
“Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life (John 4:13-14).”
“Okay Lord, I’m convinced. Yes, give me this living water. This has got to be so much easier and better than the old routine of drawing from the well that I am used too.”
Then Jesus says something that catches her off guard and goes to a place she doesn’t really want to go. He tells her to go and get her husband and come here. She says, “Well, I’m not married.” Jesus sees right into her heart and says, ” You are right, you’re not married. You have had five husbands and the one you are with now is not your husband.” Immediately, though, no doubt taken back by His insight, she says, “Sir, I perceive you are a prophet,” and begins to engage in a religious discussion about where the true place of worship is. When the Holy Spirit addresses the other husbands in our lives, our personal sins and idols. We get pretty squeamish, defensive and want to get out of the light of His conviction by changing the subject.
There is an underlying truth here. Jesus wants to give us the living water, but He also wants to deal with these other husbands who haven’t even been true husbands at all. When we drink of this living water we enter into a relationship where Christ becomes our true husband that is our eternal supply, which is able to meet every need. In order for us to drink the fullness of the deep wells of salvation we have to deal with these other husbands in our life. If we have other husbands in our life we are in adultery and idolatry, because they will be taking the place of our true husband, Christ. The only way for us to be in right relationship with our true husband is for these others to die and be buried.
Easily said, not always easily done. These other husbands can represent strongholds, drives, habits, addictions and affections in our lives we don’t really want to let go of. We still have a love or at least a lust for them. We would rather the Lord not go there, but in order for us to experience the depths of the well of salvation and living water we must experience the death and the shallow grave of our idols and the husbands of affections that have ruled over us. So it comes down to a choice, to exchange, a shallow grave for a deep well or keep a shallow well, wherein we continue to thirst and a deep grave if we continue to hold on to the things that only bring death and destruction. Either way, there has to be a death, death to the spiritual to maintain the natural or death to the natural to experience the depths of the spiritual. In what areas do you have other husbands or lovers? Which well and which grave will you choose?

Blessings,
kent

“Maybe it’s time to be clear about who I am, I am someone who is looking for love,

Real love.

Ridiculous,

inconvenient,

consuming,

can’t-live-without-each-other love.”
-Carrie Bradshaw

Lets talk about a little thing called LOVE

I’ve been in love probably twice in my life

But different types of love

But one thing they both had in commen was sadness. Pain!

I asked my self….the second time round

Did I ever love him, or was I addicted to the pain, the pain of loving some one so unattainable

An addict to the need that I didn’t have, but wanted so badly

If i got him…would I not have that rush I had via text, by a cute meet?

But then the love was so long, so strong, I wish I had the power to let him inside my mind, show him what I saw, what I remember, what I see and why I do still hold on, im defiantly not some obsessive stalker, and i have tried many times to move on, and sometimes id like to think that at some very rare points I thought i may have just conquered getting over him, but then one little word as simple as it is jolts me back into reality that im not and will never be out of love with him

And you may say why couldn’t you tell him…no words in my language explain how I felt/feel for him! Indescribable emotion, only if you saw into my mind you would know. And I often imagine, like the end of the ‘twilight saga’ when Bella shows Edward into her thoughts of ‘how much she loves him’ I wish i could be a vampire, have some magic powers to let him in, see what I see, and how its not scary at all..just beautiful and how my heart broke when he called it off, for no reason but his messed up heart

I guess we all want to show an ex whos broken our heart inside our mind to see the pain, or the love or how at that very moment if they call off everything you ever built you will fall into a billion peices and it will literally scar you for your next journey into love. Or a journey you no will be a rough ride until you are absolutely certain this one wont break your heart (oh how mistaken you are) at that moment in time you are falling back in love. No way out now

But what I can’t quite fathom is the exsistance of finding a loved one with out the yearning, or pain that have so many times multitude into sadness…

Is this sadness love?

I used to get a different kinda rush by finding out infidelity From my first love. That sounds crazy but I was almost addicted to my hearts rush, that pain, catching him out…but why?

Was I holding back in that relationship because I had my guard up from being burned previously by young affairs

And then I would punish myself for being so naive, being ‘that girl’ who was the laughing stock. Everyone knew around me what he was doing accept the victim! ME

I used to believe that girls stuck together,

The girl code

Cos we have all been burned! But as a woman’s society, are we only just out selflessly for ourselves?

And I hate that thought, So much! I would hate to be the other woman. It doesn’t register in my brain how any girl can tread on a girls guy! We all know woman are more emotional and fall for men quickly so why do we do that to each other

I also know that when a man falls in love with a woman, (that real love that is so addictive, the love that is so emotionally and irrevocably crazy in love) that it takes him YEARS to fall out of love with that woman because its so rare for a man to really FALL for a girl! That when they go back to their single life, They break many hearts by trying to get over their previous and thus under another girl, breakin her heart in the process!

So are we the broken hearted ones, paying for a mans heartbreak, i ask the question ‘do men mess us up for falling in love?’

Do they still control our girl code?

I was 35 years old, and for the first time in my life, I began to grow up.  One thing I have learned about myself, I was immature because I was stuck in my childhood.  I was sexually used, then abused from the time I was 8 until I was 12 years old.  That locked me into my childhood.  I grew up full of embarrassment, shame, anger, fear and neglect.  Ironically, the one thing that was the source of my shame became the one thing I used to make me feel good.  Sex.  Masturbation, porn, girls, fantasies, daydreams, these became my way of life.

On a recent visit to the bookstore I picked up Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Frankie, the sales lady who I’ve had the absolute pleasure to befriend over the past year, suggested I give this worldwide, best-selling book a read. By now Frankie has a good feel for the genre of books I like and I’m so grateful for this because reading has once again become a big part of my life due in large part to her on point suggestions. Thanks Frankie! Do you have a go to person? If not try sparking conversation with a sales person next time and don’t be shy to ask for recommendations, so much better than looking at some “Best Sellers” list.

Shadow of the Wind is novel set in post-war Barcelona where Daniel, the son of an antiquarian bookstore owner, discovers a mysterious novel written by an unknown author Julian Carax. Daniel’s futile search for other works of the author leads him to unravel a dark mystery set deep in the history of Barcelona.

This is a novel in its truest sense. No take-away message, only a great plot, developed characters and all the mystery one would want from an epic story which I am sure will soon be made into a movie.

Let me know if you have read this book or if you plan on picking it up!

xo
E

Any advice? I should mention that there’s a 10 year age difference… Advice is welcome and appreciated.

Thanks.

xo LaBreaB

There are many other men who are more beautiful, and I never had a thing for men with blue eyes. Yet the words could not pass my lips without making me look like a damn fool, because you had a blinding smile that I have not seen anywhere else.

When you pulled your chair right up next to me, all I felt was the heat from your body. I am NOT even saying that you are figuratively hot, but you were emitting more heat than any other homo sapiens whom I have come across. You would make a good human bear to lug around when I travel. You must be the most comfortable thing to cosy up with.

With my stuttering charm we chanced upon an evening stroll, a somewhat awkward one. The weather was hot and humid and we were drowning in perspiration, all while we stood above a body of water looking at the space shuttle. It could have been romantic, but I was just pure nervous. I have never been chased, you see. I thought that was what’s happening.

My spine never stood straighter than when you gingerly put your hands along the small of my back. I never had to tip-toe so high to kiss someone in this life.

We kissed. We touched. We talked. I stopped stuttering. We fucked. We cuddled.  We laid contentedly with our limbs intertwined with one another.

I looked at your face and knew in my heart that you will always be Monsieur Quatre, but you will never love me once this lust is over.

Their flight left for his mothers in a few hours, and the idea of spending the evening with his rude and inconsiderate brother turned his stomach. Lewis was glad to have flown the nest and cut his brother out to the best of his ability, even though it meant not spending time with his father before he died, it was still the right decision for him. James’s behaviour had always been on the thin line of the law and Lewis wasn’t prepared to take the risk of being dragged into it anymore.

Lewis was unsure how much time had passed before Emily finally awoke, the corners of his lips twitched into a smile as her dark eyes fluttered open. She returned the smile sleepily, leaning up she placed a lingering kiss on his lips before settling back down against his chest, a finger circling the faded scar on his chest. “Can I ask you something?” Lewis muttered softly, Emily knitted her brow questioningly “I don’t want you to say anything until I’ve finished.” she nodded, confusion playing behind her eyes. “Over the last few months I really have fallen in love with you. Don’t get me wrong I’ve always loved you but I really fallen. I love the way you look first thing in a morning, the way you pout when I won’t turn over to your soaps when I’m watching a game, the way you always know what I want, the way you get stressed over small things like washing powder, the way you chew your bottom lip when you’re thinking, the way you tap your nails against your teeth when you’re nervous.” Lewis sighed, “The way, the way you push me into relaxing when I deny needing it. Everything about you intrigues me and makes me fall for you even more. I know we have problems, but what couple doesn’t? I know no matter what life throws at us we can make it through. I want to feel you sleeping next to me every night and wake up with you every day for the rest of my life. I want you there when I’m old and grey and have no control over my bowels.” he smirked as Emily wrinkled her nose, “I want to be with you completely. Emily, marry me?”

Emily giggled into her hand as she knelt up and stared down into Lewis’s eyes.

“You have clearly been watching far too many chick flicks, but yes I’ll marry you, you big dork.”

He moves knowing that he is predator and i am prey. he emanates undiluted danger veiled in drug induced ecstasy. purpose becomes him and for now, his purpose is me. i attempt to turn away, buy my traitorous body remains rigid. he glides closer and i contract, taut with anticipation. i want him, i want this…whatever this foreign entity is. let me dive headfirst into the darkness that he radiates. let me drown in naive oblivion…searching, clinging, thirsting for all he has to offer.

He sparkles like lit cigarettes in cold dark alleys. His scent is that of woody meadows and rough sex. He tastes of warm whiskey and ripe strawberries. He feels like addiction, sweet sweet torment and future laments. but I don’t care. He moves like a poison tipped arrow hungry for its conquest. and i stand like a deer in headlights bowing to my fate. i cannot escape him. more than that i do not want to.

my love for him is tragic…misguided and piteous. but my still heart thundered to life when i saw him. it adorned cold steel shackles and vowed to endure the lashings of heartbreak and the solitary confinement of one sided love. for it would rather love hard and die young, than claim a passionless immortality. my mind does not share then same sentiments though. it bleeds for my stupidity. it cries for my lack of insight and it fights to protect me.

this man is my beginning but he is also my death. he warms me like whiskey only to leave me retching come morning. he damns my inhibitions like vodka just to watch me make shun my dignity. he is my cheap liquor and I’m parched for a quick high. the sun rises ushering in the memories i yearn to purge and illness that seems terminal. you make me sick with self loathe yet still manage to silver tongue me into the same fatuous acts that leave me desolate. you have me contorted around you live a parasitic vine. i creep… i crawl back into your dark and i wait. wait for the light you tease me with…and i endure…endure the price; the burn you mark me with…